Original subtitles

Haven't you ever been a beginner?

But it wasn't so evident.

It's evident you're an asshole.

If you weren't a woman...

What the fuck?

You see the '' L''?

- You see it now? - Right.

Fucking hell...

Get in gear, damnit!

Your first leave in four years,

and you only ask for 24 fucking hours?

Name a famous Felix.

The snake guy?

''The Cat''. ''Felix the Cat''.

That's me.

Dogs aren't like cats.

You give a dog food for a week, he eats it all at once.

A cat would ration it. A bit today, a bit tomorrow...

Understand now?

You need this leave more than I thought.

Here. And careful with the warden.

He has a ''O escapes'' record, and he likes it like that.

I'm staying at home.

Good. Me, too.

Your smile lasted a week after your last visit.

It'll last longer when I come back.

24 hours and a king-sized bed.

No shit? All right, let's go.

Yes, I have the condoms... Yes, they're hypoallergenic.

I did forget to kidnap a pharmacist. You never know...

No, I know it's serious.

Sorry, ''very serious''.

Hello?

No, nothing.

A beginner ran a stop sign.

He didn't even touch you, right?

Your Mercedes is fine, Luis.

I meant you, of course.

I'll be there in ten minutes.

Okay, see you.

Paco? Luis, on the 4th floor.

When my wife comes, tell her to wait.

Make up something. Tell her some loser came to see me.

I'll just be five or ten minutes.

15, tell her 15.

What was he like?

I don't know...

A normal guy.

Normal.

Okay. But he was a loser,

and losers cross a lobby in a special way.

I'll sit down.

Hi, Marti.

I couldn't get away.

Yeah, it took you 53 minutes. What was he like?

- Who? - The loser.

The loser?

He was normal.

Must be the same one.

I didn't see anyone normal come out. Or abnormal either.

He's still upstairs.

I left him with an intern. What a loser!

Keep this for me.

Wait. Another weekend of this shit?

This isn't shit, Marti. It's a floppy disk.

We're in a ''pre'' stage. That means prepare a strategy.

Mine is here. That's how I make my living. And yours.

You can't complain.

F�lix! I'm over here!

Concha!

I'm glad they're still here.

I'm glad to see you.

Come on, let's not waste any time.

Where are we going?

You do it on purpose.

What?

You know what.

What's bad about sinusitis?

You suffer from it.

Anything sets it off.

If the wind comes in through that window, the problem...

is multiplied.

And multiplication's...

worse than addition?

- Exactly. - Well...

I don't know.

Because 1 + 1 = 2,

and 1 X 1 = 1. The nuns taught me that.

I mean expansi�n.

- You know what an exponent is? - Okay, okay.

I'll close the window.

All this arguing has made me hungry.

- You? - Luis, if you want to eat at one,

we'll eat at one.

But don't try to convince me I'm hungry. I'm not.

And don't tell me it's healthier.

The usual place?

35 leaves, a sirioin each leave,

that's 35 sirioins a year.

It won't be that bad.

When I get parole, you won't earn enough to feed me.

That's if you can wait for me.

You know,

I won't be a normal person forteen years.

- I can't wait anymore! - So soon?

Sex. I can't wait till we get home.

In a car? At my age?

You look young without glasses.

It's true that jall gives you character.

All this sirioin...

- is great! - I stole the steak from the kitchen.

It was the last one!

You'll get fired from the restaurant.

Actually I quit.

You quit? Why?

- I got fired. - You said ''quit''.

Well, I didn't use the right word. So?

Shall we continue,

or do you prefer to wank off in the jall?

That's my Concha!

I wanted so much to be with my man!

No sirioin?

No, I'm sorry.

We're not too late?

No, definitely not.

It's not like we ordered venison or anything.

We ordered sirioin.

How many cows have...

we seen today? 3OO?

- 4OO? - Excuse me, sir.

Our sirioin is veal,

not cow.

When we have it.

We have other dishes. Venison,

- for example. - Fine.

Venison for me.

For you, sir?

Nothing. I'll just have salad.

What? I can only eat meat today.

I'll show you.

Look...

''instructions: Meat, twice a week.'' Under ''meat'', it says:

''The meat should be lean.

For example, veal.''

I picked Saturday to eat meat,

that is, veal.

And that's that.

You call yourself a doctor?

Well, you're practicing for me.

You eyesight is worse.

I do okay up close.

You can't see shit.

You won't go back to jall.

No. When I get out, I'll be too old to be a public enemy.

You're not going back tomorrow.

We're going to Brazil.

Look.

What's that?

They're 10.000 pesetas bills.

- What the hell...? - I sold the flat.

I have friends in Rio who can help us start a restaurant.

Our very own restaurant!

Restaurant? Rio? What the hell?

We have no flat? Now you tell me!

You can shout all you want, F�lix.

I didn't tell you so we could screw peacefully.

I'm going to see...

Qulet, qulet, qulet...

What's wrong?

There's another crack in the celling.

You say ''Ah''?

The celling will fall!

What should I do? Get under cover?

You're incredible! You don't care about anything.

Not about your country house.

Mine? What do you mean, mine?

You bought it. I didn't ask for it.

One doesn't ask for gifts.

''Gifts''? I have to come here every weekend,

that's a ''gift''?

in your company, that's called ''expense justification''.

Which brings us to...

- This! - What are you doing?

You're doing ''pre'', right?

That means ''prepare a strategy.''

You know what?

Forget that.

I love your irony.

I really do. I love it, even though...

it tortures me.

It's like...

How can I say it?

A sweet masochism.

There's this guy in Bordeaux who...

gets people into cargo ships.

Cheap. One leaves for Rio tomorrow.

Come back to earth, Concha.

You can't just cross over the border into France.

- In the trunk. - Right.

They never look there.

You're still in contact with Mikel.

Hold on...

He lives in Fuenterrab�a, on the border.

I can't ask him to do that.

You shouldn't, but you can.

Too much vinegar in that salad.

They must have...

a new cook. I'll brush my teeth.

Luis!

Yes?

Well, it seems...

I forgot the condoms.

I didn't. I brought a couple.

Luis!

Yes?

Why don't we forget about it today,

and do it without one,

''au naturel''?

I know, ''We're not ready yet.''

They're in my notebook.

What is this shit?

Lately you call everything ''shit''...

What is this piece of shit?

My notebook.

Yeah, right.

''Having sexual intercourse...

after the first...

stage of digestion,

one hour after eating,

helps prevent heart attacks.''

- You don't think...? - Yes, I do.

Finish by yourself.

Put this on. We don't want you to catch anything!

- Marti... - Don't call me Marti!

You're hysterical, Marti... Marta!

Please calm down.

All right, I'm calm.

But let's leave.

I want out of your...

fucking shitty country house!

Yes, you heard right.

I said ''fucking'' and ''shitty''.

Fucking map!

This is crazy.

You don't know

- where we're going. - Blame that fucker

who sold me the map.

''It's very easy to read...''

If I catch him, I'll wallpaper his balls

- with the map. - It's crazy!

F�lix...

F�lix...

Please, F�lix.

Tell me you're alive.

For God's sake, F�lix, say you're alive.

If heaven isn't two tits, I'm alive.

Thank God! F�lix.

Thank you, God!

What an accident!

You know what?

Fuck the map!

Come on, start.

Start, God damnit!

Come on. We both know we'll never get to Brazil.

A car! Did you hear? A car!

We'll hitchhike and get a taxi to Fuenterrab�a.

- Concha, come back! - Shut up!

What? Are you blind?

- What's wrong? - You know what's wrong.

I didn't see anything.

Oh, God!

We have to go back.

I can't remember if I locked the door.

You did.

Both locks.

Yes, but you know me.

I want to make sure.

Right.

You forgot the floppy disk.

Why are you so smart?

I'd forgotten about that.

But since we're going back...

There are lots of uncharitable people.

Unchari what?

If the next one doesn't stop, It's because...

he's a bastard.

Wait!

Stop! Stop!

Wait! Stop!

- But, ma'am... - We had an accident!

My husband's hurt! I hope to God it's nothing!

We had a blowout. He looks bad.

Sweet Virgin, let him be okay!

- Oh, God... - Don't move him! It may his back.

I'm a doctor.

Good puise...

Give me your jacket.

We'll need a stretcher to...

take him to the hospital.

- Call for an ambulance. - Call?

- Where from? - From the car.

Oh, with one of those gadgets.

Hurry!

Stop!

I mean, it can't be that serious.

He has more color in his cheeks.

Yes, that's true.

I don't think we need an ambulance.

Let's see... And up!

My F�lix is as strong as an ox.

He's never sick.

This girl works wonders.

You can tell she's a doctor.

No need to send my ass to a hospital.

- Right, Concha? - Right.

If these two...

nice kids can just take us to the next town...

I don't know. It's very strange.

Such a sudden recuperation.

These injuries are tricky.

You feel fine, but... You could have internal bleeding.

I recommend 24 hours...

of observation.

Fine, I'll keep my eye on him.

- I insist. We'll take you. - To the hospital?

But that's...

Take his arm.

- Open the door. - I feel fine.

Don't worry, get in slowly.

Fine, but no hospital, okay?

I'm in charge now. Get in.

Wait. There we go.

Calm down, there's no blood.

Get in.

How are you feeling, sir?

Fine, fine.

You don't look like a dying man to me.

- It was just the scare. - Right.

- F�lix and Concha, right? - Right.

I'm Luis, and my wife is Marta.

Marta and Luis, good.

You're qulet, Concha.

Well, anyway...

Your husband looks fine to me,

but I have to do what my wife says.

Stop.

- What? - I said, ''stop''.

My husband and I have to talk.

Get out.

''Sir''? How nice!

- Who taught you that word? - What?

Where did you get those manners?

I was just trying to cheer him up...

Don't make me laugh.

''You don't look like a dying man to me''.

- What are they doing? - Arguing.

- They suspect something. - No, it's between them.

Know what?

- She's screwing things up... - But he's the asshole.

- You realized that? - Even I can see that.

- Why are you causing problems? - What?

Don't play dumb. You don't want to go to the hospital.

They don't want to!

You know lots of people are scared of doctors! But you?

- Inconvenient for you, right? - Right.

- Helping people is inconvenient. - That's enough.

- You don't care if he's dying. - That's enough!

What will we say when we get to the hospital?

Nothing. They'll drop us off,

we'll go in, wait a second, and leave.

- And then? - Straight to Fuenterrab�a.

- We'll get a taxi. - May God hear you.

- You're worried about God now? - As long as He is...

Here they come.

You won't have to wait at the hospital.

I've got friends there.

You'll come in, too?

Of course. I'll let them know.

Thanks.

Hello? Dr. Patxi Egu�a, please.

Yes, I'll wait.

Patxi's a great doctor.

One look, and he knows all about you.

Don't worry. 24 hours go by quickly.

Well, this is a pretty little village.

Thanks a lot, we'll stay here.

Don't make me repeat it:

It's for your own good.

Could you stop? I really have to pee.

You can hold on.

I'm already peeing.

Thanks. I'll go into those bushes.

I won't belong.

Hold still, will you?

Your house and floppy disk won't move.

Concha pees when she's nervous.

Because of the accident, she won't...

leave her bladder alone.

BBs, please.

5,OOO worth?

You'll need...

a machine gun.

Our wedding day was too much.

The priest had to stop the ceremony.

That parish didn't have a ladies' room,

just a man's urinal.

Forthe priest, I guess.

Imagine the problems she had with that wedding dress...

...and fifty.

Right, the rifle.

Freeze! I'm taking the kid and the gun!

Let that child go!

Are you kidnapping me?

She looks crazy.

I don't want anyone following us, okay? If you stay here,

the kid...

will be back in five minutes.

I just want the gun.

Come on, kid. Slowly.

Stay calm!

Everybody calm! Ma'am, you...

stay calm, too.

I'm not alming at you.

We can be friends.

- What's your name? - Fuck off!

Fine, don't tell me.

You don't have to.

My name's Agust�n.

- Don't move, Agust�n! - Fine.

I won't move.

I'll call you ''Poppy''.

A pretty name.

Jesus Christ...

The poor woman had to squat down on the ground.

Imagine. The maids of honor holding her dress,

one of my aunts holding the train...And carefully,

there was piss all over.

And it might have been holy piss, but it was piss.

I'll tell you what, Poppy.

How many yards away am I?

Ten? Twelve? Now, don't get nervous.

I'll take eight steps,

and leave my gun on the ground. Then I'll get back,

you take eight steps,

and you leave the rifle next to my gun.

All right?

All right.

Okay, me first.

You won't hurt the child.

What's...

What's happening to you isn't his fault.

It's not yours, either.

That desperate feeling...

of not making it to the end of the month.

And sometimes you wonder,

''Who the hell wants to make it till then?''

See? My gun's on the ground.

Now I'll step back, and it's your turn.

Kid...

Two more steps, Poppy.

You're doing great!

You fucked up, Agust�n!

Don't worry, the safety's on.

He thinks we're dumb.

Come on, kid! Let's go!

Years later, we went to a baptism there.

Concha was the godmother, and nervous.

And they still didn't have a ladies' room!

Anyway...

Things have changed. No hospital.

Is that a gun?

A nine millimeter Star.

Get the keys, kid.

- Are you crazy? - Look at me.

Concha, I don't know what's wrong...

You don't need to. Some candy!

Yes, candy,

or gum forthe kid.

I'd prefer the hood ornament.

That piece of crap? Take it.

What is he doing?

- Give me that! - Get in!

It takes months to replace those! You want...

- one of those monsters? - Get in!

Come on!

You can go. Bye. Tell your parents to watch you better.

Come on. To Fuenterrab�a.

Daddy! Look what Poppy gave me!

Another thing...

I really don't like you.

It's all under control.

- What about the gun? - Don't worry.

This is my most important weapon.

We had to get out of this mess.

Right. And get into a bigger one.

Fugitives?

No. Well, yes.

- He was on leave. - They must be looking for me.

What's in Fuenterrab�a?

A boat to France.

Now there's four of us,

- We'll need a bigger one. - I won't go.

I get seasick. ''A boat to France''...

''Under the cover of night''?

What year are you in?

Today you can go to France just to buy a baguette.

Bag what? What are you talking about?

There are no borders anymore. You don't even need a passport.

Look. in the next town,

we'll say goodbye. I'll pay for your taxi.

Very generous. And you'll call the border police.

You think I'm stupid?

- There are no borders. - I don't believe it.

Speed up.

- What? - Speed up, damnit!

Fine, fine. I'll speed up.

You think I didn't notice?

''All this talk, and we're moving like a turtle.''

''They'll spot this car,

it has no hood ornament.''

What do you mean?

We'll stop in the next town, like you wanted.

Why?

It's okay, baby. We need to change cars.

He used to do it in two seconds.

What do you say?

It's not just glasses, is it?

- And free medical advice! - I'm talking to her!

I think it's glaucoma.

What does that mean?

He could go blind.

Concha, F�lix can't stay on the run in his condition.

He needs an operation.

It's possible to treat it.

How are the surgeons in Brazil?

Sorry.

He's got it. Everyone to the other car!

You don't think I'll leave my Mercedes

outside in this seedy port?

I said, get out!

Let me lock it. Don't make it easy for your colieagues.

Get out first.

If they steal it...

The keys.

Give them back.

What for?

I don't know. We have to start the other one.

Right. How will you do that?

Right, how will we do that?

This is not me.

It's not me.

It's not happening to me.

Connect the short one to the one on the left.

Now lend me the gun and I'll rob a bank.

And I'll smack you if you don't behave. Get out.

You, too, my love.

What now?

Come on, get out!

Come on!

What...?

Hold this for me.

And my purse. Careful.

The gun.

Point at the red thing and shoot if it moves.

If they find it,

they'll be on to us.

My car! My car!

My car! My car!

Now let them find it!

Let's get out of here!

You'll pay me forthis!

With a bullet! You're making me nervous.

Nervous?

The lady's nervous!

- Yes, I am. - And I should be calm?

You know what that car cost?

Luis, it's all right. It's insured.

Whose side are you on? Everything...

that bothers me...

makes you happy! Why did you marry me?

Yeah, why? Sorry, Marta,

but why this asshole?

She called me an asshole to my wife!

You know what you are?

What?

Old and menopausal, that's what you are!

I swear to God, I'll shoot him if he doesn't shut up!

Qulet!

That's better.

Now, why don't we just talk about the weather?

What's wrong now?

What's wrong?

My neck, it's my neck.

- It's a torticollis. - Who's the doctor here?

- Keep going. - I can't.

I can't. I need a massage.

Shit, just what we needed.

Our house is near, Marta can do it.

I can drive.

Fine, drive.

Come on.

What about an alcohol rub?

No, a massage.

A massage.

Don't get horny, there's no time.

Where did you find that?

In the kitchen. Mayonnaise, it's delicious.

Do you mind?

No. I'm the only one who eats mayonnaise here.

For Luis, mayonnaise...

is like ''slow suicide''.

You want to die healthy.

Well, I'm finished.

Better?

- Yes, a little. - All right, let's go.

Now I need to go to the bathroom.

Don't fuck with me, all right?

Wait! I'll go with you.

To the door.

Sorry, Marta. It's not that I don't trust you...

Are you going to destroy anything else?

Just shut up.

I'm going to make another sandwich. Want one, Marta?

I'll wait.

Give me that.

How do you turn this shit off?

- It's called a cell phone. - Shit!

It's called ''shit''.

And shit...

Shit goes where it should go.

Will it work now?

I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

Disgusting!

I knew you two were trouble!

Who's going to fix this? Who? You?

Shall I add it to the bill forthe car?

When you get over your tempertantrum, move your hand.

It stinks.

I still have to...

- You know... - Okay.

I'd better stay.

I'm sure there's not much to see.

It's not just ''pee-pee''.

It's pooh-pooh!

That's another question.

Careful, that might be a phone in disguise.

Maybe...

Perhaps.

Stop breaking things!

How long will they last?

Well,

I'm not a specialist...

I wouldn't know...

I guess I'll have to work on this.

The good part is...

not seeing myself get old.

Good deal, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Okay.

Eating again, F�lix?

Yes, I'm chatting here with Marta.

It's a shame, she quit medicine.

And he works selling things. You need a brain forthat.

Know how many ideas fit in here?

Leave that alone!

You see this?

You see? Stains!

- Mayonnaise stains! - Hey!

He's blind, but he isn't deaf.

Nobody move. Let me think.

Marta and I will be behind the door.

F�lix, stay here.

Even if it's the Pope don't let him in. You're busy.

Right,

with F�lix. What's wrong?

Come on, Marta.

Hi, Luis.

We saw the light and called you.

You didn't answer,

so we came to see what was up.

The phone... It's broken.

Right.

He's a client.

We're finishing a deal.

Hey, Luis...

Who do you do business...

with now?

Is it legit?

Of course, don't worry.

I can fix the phone for you.

No, no thanks.

I called the phone company.

From my cell phone, of course.

It's probably just a loose wire.

We're doing a ''role playing game''.

And...Concha...

is the head of a vigilante group fighting...

neighborhood criminals.

There was an arrest...

of whores, of prostitutes!

They got me...

in a club,

red handed, isn't that right?

Now they're taking me to...

a ''people's court''. F�lix is the judge,

the patriarch...

of the neighborhood,

poor but respected. And Luis...

is an innocent bystander. And then?

Could we play?

- I could be... - No?

No, we'd better go and leave...

you alone.

We'll go, then.

Well...

- See you. - Bye.

Two minutes to pee, then we go. Except you.

You already peed.

What now? Don't tell me it's your fucking neck again?

No, not that.

But we're going to need gas.

There's no gas station here.

We don't have the key to the gas tank.

F�lix will need to use his ''arts'' again.

Unless you want the gas station attendant to do it.

F�lix, open the lid.

- Don't forget this. - Thanks.

Aren't you helpful?

Stop.

- Now what? - Let me think, damnit!

The gun's still here.

When we talk to that guy, you stay where you are.

Shall we go or stay here and chat?

One more thing...

F�lix is armed, too.

Right...

Go ahead.

Super, unleaded, or do you want to go back and talk about it?

- Super. - There's no lid.

Lid?

To the gas tank. It was stolen...

by an angry ex-student.

There's a lot of criminals out there.

That makes it easier.

Fill it up.

Being prepared is great ''help''.

Don't forget this.

I write notes everywhere, too.

See? The uni�n's number.

Address books are a drag.

''Help, we've been kidnapped''? What the fuck?

He wanted to turn us in!

You realize, F�lix? That motherfucker!

Luis Uralde...

You're Luis Uralde,

Jesuit-educated marketing specialist...

Tie it tight, no bullshit.

There.

Check it, F�lix.

Not bad for a rich boy.

Do you mind if I grab a popsicle?

Help yourself.

- Do you want one? - No.

But if the lady could pistol whip me...

Not too hard, of course.

A three-stitch job.

Then I'll get compensation.

I'll do the migraine and ear-ringing.

Work accidents pay well.

On the brow.

Hit him.

- Me? Why? - Hit him, damnit!

Get in, you pest.

You'll be sorry for this, I swear.

Get in, I said.

You'll end up in jall.

And you'll get a real torticollis.

Shut up!

Can he breathe in there?

Don't worry. I did 3O miles like that once.

Sorry, Marta, I had to.

That asshole...

almost screwed us over.

You didn't answer.

- Who? - Luis.

About why you stay with him.

I know the story. You're still...

married, but things...

aren't working.

- Concha... - It's okay, F�lix.

It's obviously no secret.

What did you do?

A bit of everything.

What was the worst?

Getting caught.

Right, none of my business.

What's that?

I counterfeited money. Works of art.

15 years.

As if I'd caused infiation.

We should do something.

Like what? Get hysterical?

You weren't afraid?

If you start losing, you lose your fear.

But you can't give in, right?

I refuse to be on TV.

- What? - What?

Don't play dumb.

That show is garbage.

How could you agree to it?

What show?

What show? ''Bare Your Ass''.

Even the title is vulgar.

I won't show anyone my ass. Fuck off!

They only play tricks on famous people on that show.

- Where's the camera? - You're nuts.

You only wrote one novel,

and only your friends bought it.

You won't fool me! You won't!

Help! Help!

There's a man in the trunk! It's the Mafia!

This is awful, Itzi.

- Come on! - I'll show them!

Don't go! Don't go!

Don't go!

What did we do to him?

- Are you okay? - Yes, but I lost my popsicle.

Go on, Marta.

Luis!

No, please no!

Not yet, please! I'm so young!

Luis!

Fuck...

Don't move!

F�lix!

Is that you, Luis?

Get help, F�lix!

Get help, please!

Please!

No, don't go, F�lix!

- Can you hear me, F�lix? - Yes!

Tell Marta something...

I'm...

I'm sterile, F�lix.

You understand?

Sterile!

I can't have children.

My sperm's no good.

Marta doesn't know,

I haven't told her.

I'm a monster.

You're not a monster. You're an asshole.

Marta always wanted kids,

and always when I opened the box of condoms,

I said we weren't ready yet.

Not an asshole, you're a...

There's no word for you.

Help me, F�lix.

Tell her, and tell her to forgive me.

To forgive me!

No, no, F�lix!

Luis!

Luis!

Where are you, asshole?

Goddamn, Luis, where are you?

And F�lix?

Where's F�lix?

- Are you all right? - Yes.

Thanks, F�lix.

I almost fell off that cliff.

Cliff?

I thought it was just two yards.

Don't talk nonsense.

You saved my life.

- Why did you do it? - Why?

I don't know. What else would I do?

Of course, everything you do is logical.

Tell me,

Is it logical for me to run knowing they'll catch me?

Why are you so sure?

That is logical.

A cook and a blind man with the only gun they've evertouched!

Logic isn't everything.

There's Concha, for example.

Luis!

F�lix!

What I told you before...

Why don't you tell her?

- What happened? Are you hurt? - No.

Where the fuck were you?

- And you? - Give them a minute together.

- Look... - For once, do what I say.

What is it?

Who the hell...?

F�lix!

Goddamn it! F�lix!

Fuck...

Concha!

She still puts up with you?

Come give me a hug...

A gun?

Didn't you get a lot of years?

Let's talk somewhere else.

I'm sorry,

but it's impossible.

You can't tell,

but a little way out the sea begins...

to get rough. My boat couldn't handle it.

You understand?

Mikel, let F�lix look at you in the eyes.

Don't do this to me, Concha!

Why don't you drive? There are no borders.

Everyone's heard that story. Tell him about the machine...

that sends photos over the phone.

Forget it, Concha.

Where's the police station?

Hold on. Sit down.

Fine.

I'll take you, but what...

will happen afterwards?

They'll talk,

you kidnapped them.

If I go to jall, what about my family?

I have mouths to feed.

We won't say anything, Mikel.

Right, Luis?

What?

Of course not.

Nothing.

That's my boy, Luis.

Well?

Okay, but it has to be tomorrow.

Meanwhile you can stay here. I have to go.

Tomorrow?

Yes. You can't trust them,

but they say...

they sea is going to be calm.

I never lie, F�lix.

Concha, it's time for Marta and Luis to go home.

Marta can,

but I won't release your husband.

I don't trust...

people who never swear.

I'll stay with him.

Some guys are lucky.

You see?

I spent hours doing this at night.

That wrecked your eyes.

When it got hard to find suckers, I thought,

''F�lix, why not just make a few Benitos?''

- Benitos? - Benito P�rez Gaidos.

The man on the bills.

So I got a hold of a printer

and a few other things,

and began competing with the Treasury. High-class work.

High-class? They got him in two months.

Well, the paper wasn't good, but the artwork...

But I got ratted on.

Water under the bridge.

Marta, tell us about Brazil.

You know what package tours are like...

No, you don't know.

- How was the food? - I can't remember.

Not bad, I guess.

Nor good! We'll strike it rich. ''Casa Concha'', in big...

orange letters.

You and the color orange...

Come on, have a drink...

and forget your bruises.

I'm okay, thanks.

He doesn't drink.

Nor eat mayonnaise, and he uses condoms!

Shit! I'm a klutz.

What about you? No kids?

No...

Not yet. If everything goes well,

the baby's born in 6 months.

- Baby? - Don't worry, it's yours.

- What? - The ''intimate visit''.

- What? - When we fucked in the slammer!

- Weren't you on the pill? - What?

For four years?

Who'd knock me up, the prep cook?

Besides, it's dangerous at my age.

But we're getting married in Rio. I want a legitimate father,

half blind, but legitimate.

- Aren't you married? - No.

Then...

I'm sure there are parishes like that.

Tell me again.

- Aren't you happy? - Yes, but I...

Why do you think I did all this?

I didn't want to go to visit you with the kid.

- You did seem thicker... - Especially here,

where I've grown most!

Let's celebrate. Just a bit.

- Okay. - You know...

A bit for me, too.

I take back the ''old and menopausal'' remark.

A toast to the future parents!

The first time with no pill and bingo!

When F�lix gets to work...

I had to alm a bit, but quallty's quallty.

Right, Luis?

Like I said, I'm a klutz.

You're not thinking what I am?

- What are you thinking? - I asked first.

Well...

I thought, ''What luck!''

- Bingo the first time. - You could be lucky.

What do you mean?

My F�lix could be your bingo.

- F�lix and me? - Yes.

What?

It's that time of month,

It's good timing.

There are other methods. Besides...

What?

Glaucoma. It's hereditary.

Yes, It's hereditary.

You wouldn't like a romp with a sweet thing...

like Marta?

Once we're married, you'll have to ignore...

those mulatto girls.

Glaucoma isn't hereditary,

criminal instinct is.

A sperm bank...

could give us a psychopath. With F�lix, the worst would be...

a counterfeiter.

What if he has some disease?

No offense, but in jall...

I had a blood test a month ago.

I'm clean, immaculate.

He's interested. Don't get carried away,

just do the job.

It'll be between us, we'll never see them again.

And your manhood will be saved.

They're taking a long time.

It's only been five minutes.

They haven't even started.

F�lix is very slow.

Before or during?

You really want to know?

No, not really.

I'm over here, F�lix.

Yes...

Well...

It'll be hard to do it from there.

Of course...

Fuck...

With or without glasses?

Which way improves the odds?

Well, I hope that if it works,

- It looks like Luis. - It'll work.

I'm sure.

It'll have part of you, too.

What?

I don't hear anything.

What's there to hear?

I've been carrying this for hours.

''Things have changed.''

How old are you?

You never ask a lady that.

Right...

What about F�lix? How old is he?

What do you care?

Fifty.

Fifty...

You know what I envy about you?

Is this Luis?

The Luis I know?

Or is my hearing bad?

Don't laugh. I'm trying to be serious.

So why are you so envious?

You have more ahead of you.

I'm younger,

but I feel I've done it all.

No, you still have to work at being a real person.

- Give me a break. - You don't deserve it.

But if you try, it won't be so hard.

What?

To be a good person.

Just learn from Marta.

Another mistake has been not appreciating...

that someone like her...

sleeps at my side.

But not tonight.

Luis!

It just went off.

No, don't worry. How silly of me...

Since you were acting so tragic...

What's going on?

Nothing here! What about up there?

We're working on it.

Give me that.

The devil loads and idiots fire.

They're doing seconds.

Three.

- Three? - He only does two with me.

Well, we thought we'd make sure.

Don't even tell me.

Had fun, didn't you?

Get down from there!

I kept thinking about you.

You must have worn down your brain. Get dressed!

Right away.

- Concha, I'm sorry. - Don't worry.

It was my Idea. It's my fault for having a big mouth.

And a huge heart!

Stop flattering me and pull up...

your pants!

I made sure Marta didn't feel anything.

She didn't moan at all...

I'm watching you, F�lix, I am.

I'm getting dressed.

Well, Luis, it's time you went home.

Unless they want another go.

Another?

What are the odds?

The most optimistic statistics say 5O-5O.

- The pessimistic ones... - Forget it.

Let's be optimists.

Hey, look.

Mikel won't take us anywhere.

Leave it to me,

you play along.

Mikel!

Good morning.

Did they let you go or did you escape?

What's the difference?

Well...

You mean, will we go to the cops?

No, don't do that.

They don't deserve it.

No? Are you afraid we'll talk?

What?

You're an accomplice to kidnapping.

F�lix is my friend, but that's all.

I was just fixing an excuse not to take them.

Right, whatever you want,

but I have to tell the truth.

Including your name.

But there's a solution.

We need your truck to get home.

My truck?

And the car?

Stolen. It's a loan. You lend us your truck,

we forget the name...

''Mikel'', right?

And them?

They'll wait inside till the cops come.

You will call the cops, right?

That's my property.

Calm down, Mikel. You see?

I said ''Mikel''.

I can't forget that name.

They got inside on their own,

right?

You're not implicated.

I just want the truck.

It's you or them.

You can go feed those mouths.

I don't understand.

It's a sales strategy. We're in ''pre''.

I still don't get it.

It's not good to use a stolen car.

A truck with...

three people is inconspicuous.

And there aren't any borders.

Three people?

How can you be so calm?

How far away is it?

-500 yards. -500 yards?

And you tell me now! What was ''alert''?

What was ''alert''? Like this.

There.

We're getting close.

We are?

Here we are.

Here we are.

France.

- Already? - Yes, ma'am.

Holy shit!

Watch.

Spain.

France.

Europe.

Europe.

You see? There aren't any borders.

We made it! We made it!

We'd better let F�lix get some air.

Next stop, Brazil!

I give up! I give up!

Luis?

F�lix, you'll bury us all.

Luis, are we there?

Yes.

In France?

Yes, sir.

Bordeaux is that way.

Concha tapped so much...

What can I say?

''Thank you'' would be nice.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

17 dogs,

14 cops,

- But I did okay. - It was a cinch!

It was a cinch!

You thought there were borders!

There aren't!

There aren't!

- You were wrong! - I was...?

Jesus Christ...

That easy?

Really!

When do you have to be there?

We meet the contact at one o'clock.

We have plenty of time.

Shit!

What the fuck?

A police control.

''There aren't any borders''! I knew it!

A Spanish cop?

- What's he doing in France? - It's Europe.

F�lix, was counterfelting all you did?

Put these on.

It's no good, they'll recognize me.

Come on, damnit!

Somebody say something.

Fuck...

Fuck!

I'll piss myself.

Well, we should stop then.

We should stop, because I could use some food...

What an elegant color.

You're good at this.

When does the contact come?

At one. I told you five times.

Don't I look like a lady?

Hello, Miss. My name's Gast�n Neville.

Go or I'll blow your balls off.

You do have balls.

Here, I'm finished.

No, keep it.

I appreciate it.

- You can have my earrings. - Thank you.

- Are you Concepci�n R�os? - Yes.

He's waiting for you.

Come on, let's go.

Well, we have to go.

Already?

Give me a kiss!

You too, asshole.

Well, F�lix, nice to have met you.

You never know who your friends will be.

You can't trust anyone.

If you're going to kiss, we won't watch.

Well, make sure he goes to college.

Of course.

You'll have to fill out a lot of these.

- I almost forgot. - Thanks, F�lix.

I'll take the mayonnaise.

Come on, let's go.

You know what?

- What? - Your sinusitis...

Since F�lix and Concha appeared, it doesn't...

Don't be so sure.

Now that you mention it,

it still...

What will we name it?

- Marta. - No, it's going to be a boy.

It's bad, isn't it?

It is. You like orange, but...

No, asshole. You meet people,

you get attached to them, and then you lose them.

Luis made me a promise.

- A promise? - Everyone has an uncle in America.

America!