Original subtitles

It's been a long road, but over the past two months,

Elliot and I have totally rebuilt our friendship.

Incoming !

Good morning !

Co-chiefy, got you a little som'n-som'n !

Thank you ! And I actually got you a little something...

A magnifying glass ?

Yes.... For these.

You got the tiny post-its ! Awesome ! For our tiny bulletin board!

I have a dentist appointment that got moved to Tuesday at 4 PM.

Don't floss before you come in, it makes your gums bloody.

Bottom line -- together, Elliot and I are

the greatest co-chief residents of all time.

You two are, without a doubt, the worst co-chief residents of all time.

And in case you haven't noticed,

we've got ourselves one hospital chock-full of monkey interns,

and, news-flash, your job is to catch whatever they're flinging.

Coffee talk, ladies, is now officially over. Get your asses to work.

Now !

Cream ?

Please !

Yep, not even Dr. Cox could faze us,

Because we had every facet of this job down.

We figured out a fair way to schedule all the interns' shifts....

Whoever gets Dr. Reid's scrub top back to her first doesn't have to work this weekend !

Commence the scuffle !

I hope it doesn't rain today.

Me too.

We knew how to protect the interns from Dr. Kelso.

Look, Brent, is it ?

Son, please tell me you come with a money back guarantee,

because I'd like to get something useful

like a can of Brent remover ! I mean, for God's sa--

sake, Brent ! When are you gonna wake up and use that...

rock that you have been calling your skull ?!

We got this.

I mean, even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut ! And--

He's gone. He's gone.

Heh, look, Brent, you are doing fine.

Still, it's not like we didn't keep the interns on their toes.

So, Lonnie, get in here and see the effects of cirrhosis of the liver.

J.D. ! You knew I was gonna do that !

But it was still very startling !

Here's your shirt, Dr. Reid.

Wow, Daisy ! Enjoy your weekend, you little scrapper!

h, Daisy, I'm supposed to ask you --

can Lonnie have his lower lip back ?

It's my trophy.

Hey, this guy's coding.

Don't get me wrong, I can handle a code. But every so often,

every single thing that can conceivably go wrong with a patient goes wrong at once.

He's in v-ac.

We've lost an airway.

He's blown a pupil.

Okay, just gimme a second, all right ?

I call these "train wreck codes," and they're not my forte.

Luckily, that's when Elliot is at her best.

J.D., I've got your back.

Laverne, ???, get me the crash cart, grab me

a central line kit, I'll bag him. Run the fluids wide open.

I honestly didn't understand

how she could do so many things at once.

Four letters, Band that sang 'Roseanna' ?

Toto !

T.O.T.O. Toto !

Okay, he's stable.

See, my problem is that I've just never been much of a multi-tasker.

For instance, I can't eat and watch T.V.

Or drive my scooter and answer my phone.

Wide open !

Look out, look out, look out, look out, look out !

What the -- ?

Scared Lonnie again !

Tater tot !

Over here! I'll get you back outside !

Whoever this is, you are not gonna believe what just happened to me !

No, I believe it. It was cool.

Janitor.

Ambrosia !

Vo : Skool avec le script de mopnt

Corrections et remplissages de trous : nColas, Bouliii

Synchro : nColas

Scrubs �pisode 4x13 My Ocardial Infarction.

Thank you, Janitor !

Classic Janitor !

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

You know that guy that crashed this morning is doing great ?

Barbie,

Maybe you could take a break from congratulating yourself and

figure out what's wrong with Mrs. Kasuba over there,

seeing as you're her doctor and she's been in the I.C.U. for three days.

We're, um, running lots of tests.

Tests ? Oh, goody !

And what exactly will you be looking for ?

And if it's the slowest doctor in the hospital, then

ding, ding, ding, ding,

I already found her. Figure it out.

See, this is why it doesn't bother me that Elliot is

so much better with the train wreck codes.

Her biggest weakness is my biggest strength -- diagnosis.

Elliot, if you need help, just ask Dr. Diagnosis.

You could be my side-kick ! Bangs McCoy!

Lately it seemed like Turk was being a little casual about his diabetes.

Okay, you all know the rules.

I test my blood sugar, you bet high or low,

and twenty-five percent goes to diabetes. Because if we all work hard, together...

I can get a big-ass flat screen.

That's right, baby !

I want high.

Low and slow, that's his tempo !

This game is sick

High.

194.

Ouais!

That high, baby ?

You've been sneaking brownies, haven't you ?

Well, don't think that when you go blind I'm gonna go get you no seeing-eye dog !

I'm gonna name him Gizmo.

That's what we were gonna name our robot !

Oh, well, when we get the robot, we'll just name him TuPac.

TuPac, may I please have some waffles ? - Would you like some sy-rup ?

Yeah, that'd be fine. It'll work. It's a good idea.

Maybe Mrs. Kasuba has a perinephric abscess ?

No, her pain is central, not near the back.

Come on, Bangs !

You know what helps me when I'm diagnosing ?

Mentally picturing everything. Like those sugar packets there.

How do you think they got there ?

Somebody probably knocked them over.

I don't think so. You see, the packets are neatly stacked.

Plus that coffee cup has the lipstick

of a certain very hot Nurse Tisdale.

If you're looking for sugar, there's some on the floor.

Thonnnnnnng !

It's the classic Todd Thong Sugar Trap.

Wow.

Now, let's apply the same thing to Mrs. Kasuba.

We know this isn't the first time

she's experienced abdominal pain.

What else do we know about her ?

Oh, you know what, J.D. ? Um, I've gotta run. Are you okay here ?

Yeah, I got this.

Say, that was some real Nancy Drew stuff, there...

Nancy. I mean, absolutely irrelevant as far as medicine goes

but damn amusing!

Don't feel weird because you're threatened by my gift.

Many are.

Did you feel that you weren't quite annoying enough

without adding a delusional sense of grandeur ?

Because I promise you, you are annoying enough.

In fact, you're the number one contender for the middle weight annoyance crown.

You're the number one jealous... weight for the jealous weight... jealous ch-champ.

He's done it ! He's done it ! Dorian's the MOST ANNOYING Man in the WORLD !

Who would've ever though a journeyman annoyer like Dorian might....

You are a close second !

I have a couple of announcements.

There's a serious problem around here with not getting to know our patients.

Yes, the doctor told you to administer Halidol, but why is he prescribing it ?

Does the patient have a chance of sundowning

or is he prone to psychotic breaks

and needs to be tied down ?

You have to ask these questions, right Tammy ?

Child, we are swamped. Where you think we're gonna get that kind of time ?

Laverne, if you care, you'll go the extra mile.

Like my husband. Turk ?

You have three patients on the floor. What can you tell us about them ?

Well, I'm cutting out that guy's appendix,

I'm sewing up her lacerated spleen, and I'm slicing off that dude's foot.

Great. And why are you doing those things ?

Because it says so on the charts.

What'd I do ?

J.D. ! You up for some coffee ?

I can't. I've almost got Mrs. Kasuba's condition figured out.

Hey, I'll, uh, join you for a cup of mud.

Great ! Meet me downstairs in five minutes.

I'll be there. Just let me wash this, uh, glue off my hands.

What was he gluing ?

Not again.

I can't believe you're going on a date with the Janitor !

J.D., it's just coffee. It's not a date.

Milady.

I have to go.

Baby, don't be mad, you know about surgeons.

We're hammers, and our patients are nails.

And hammers don't get to know nails, they hammer them. Why ?

Because...hammers.

For the last time, Turk, I'm not gonna call you The Hammer.

Look, I was trying to make a point to my nurses, and I needed you to back me up.

Yeah, but none of the other hammers get to know their patients.

Yeah, well, none of them get to do

what you did to me last night either.

Come on, Buppie, give it to me.

See? When I clap my hands at the same time,

it looks totally real.

I know. Let's go freak out J.D. !

Okay, fine, I'll try. One condition: Gimme some !

Oh my God !

I think it, and she does it !

Acute intermittent porphyria ! I figured it out !

All right, who's got Dr. Cox's pager number ?

Oh, who'm I kidding, I've got my Perry's Pager Song.

Dr. Cox at my door, pager 324.

There it is. Laverne, I'm gonna need you to get Mrs. Kasuba

started on IV dextrose and hemotin.

Dr. Reid already ordered that.

She what ?

Um, you know what, J.D., I've gotta run. Are you okay here?

She figured it out before me.

There are a lot of things that can knock a guy on his ass.

ll right now, before we start, just in case my wife asks

and she probably will -- what did this guy do to get his foot cut off ?

Whether it's catching a glimpse of what the future might hold....

He has diabetes.

Or realizing you've just done the most embarrassing thing in your life.

Stupid Janitor. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

But even that's not as bad as it can get.

Why didn't you tell me ?

I just thought that after I bailed you out of that train wreck code

that you could, you know, use a win.

Great diagnosis there, Barbie.

It wasn't me. J.D. figured it out.

Well, then, nice job, Nancy.

The worst thing is realizing when a friend is taking pity on you.

I've never been a great liar.

Lookin' straight, Bruce.

That's why I knew it'd be better for me if I just fessed up to Dr. Cox.

Elliot diagnosed Mrs. Kasuba, not me.

I know. And your guilty anguish is-- it's delicious.

It's like a little mini-meal between lunch and dinner.

Quite frankly, it's all I can do not to grind pepper on your head.

I don't get it. When did she become a better doctor than me?

Probably during one of those countless times you were goofing off?

Eh! As soon as I step foot in this hospital, I'm all business.

Good morning, Dr. Cox ! >From the world's most giant doctor !

Well, that was outside the hospital.

Plus, Elliot was the legs. Sure, she's skinny, but she's thick through the trunk.

If you could just help me with these train wreck codes.

You're finally at that stage where you and your equally undistinguished

colleagues have all had enough training to be able to help each other.

So no matter how humiliating it may seem,

if you know somebody who's better than you

and I'm bettin' that you do, you had best tuck

that ridiculously feminine tail of yours between your legs and go ask her for help.

I'm thinkin' that's just about it.

Yep. I, uh,

gosh, I'm all out of speeches. I don't think I have, uh, another one on me.

I...I don't. The--

Oh. These are...my goodbye guns.

Those aren't real guns.

Why is my stapler on the floor ?

Thonnnnnnnng !

Face-five ! Oh, yeah !

Oh, you taught Todd the slap thing ?

Nope. How was surgery ?

Oh, it was fine.

Honey bear ! You look blue. Have a cookie.

Nah-ah-ah, Laverne. No more jackin' up

my man's blood sugar just so you can buy yourself a camper.

So this is all a big joke to you guys ?

'Cause this is my life, and I don't think it's funny.

Now I gotta try to get back in on that craps game in the basement.

I don't know, this whole Blonde Doctor situation has me mortified.

I've gathered the brain trust here to help me figure a way out of this.

Uh-oh, bro. There she is.

You want me to hobble her ?

That's not hobbling, that's--that's...poking.

What's the matter with you ?

Here's a chance to learn a lesson as a group, okay ?

Sometimes you've just gotta face the music and own up to what you've done.

Hi...Blonde Doctor.

Um, before, when we almost had coffee ?

Uh, I feel like I made you feel uncomfortable.

No, I...wasn't, um--

Well, it-it -- you know the only reason I was wearing the suit at all was because

Our, uh, a cappella band was... practicing.

Oh, that's great ! What's your band's name ?

Uh.... It's, uh, Hibbleton. Yeah, yeah. And, um,

I don't think it's going too far to say that we are the best hospital employee band in town

Oh, really ?

I'll clear his airway !

His O2-sat is dropping, his abdomen is distended,

we need you to do a lavage. What are you gonna do?

Dammit !

J.D., it's okay. Look, it's good practice. It's why we're down here.

You know, I don't really like you guys playing with my cadavers.

Oh, really, Doug ? So how come that one over there has a soda in his hand ?

He keeps it cold !

And how come when we walked in

you were sitting in a circle with three corpses playing Texas hold 'em ?

Just call first from now on !

I just, I don't know what to do when everything goes wrong at once.

It's overwhelming.

You wanna know what my big secret is ?

Just take one big breath.

Everything will slow down and you can just tackle each thing as it comes.

That's your big secret ? Breathing ?

Why do you have such a problem with me teaching you stuff ?

It's just that you're a little smug.

You called yourself Dr. Diagnosis and made me your side-kick.

J.D., you've been the golden boy around here for the past three years

while I have cried in closets and hid from Dr. Cox

and relied on you every single day to get me through it.

I mean, now that I am finally doing well enough to pay you back,

maybe you can tell me why you're being such an unbelievable jerk ?

Because you're the one that's supposed to struggle -- not me.

Baby. What's going on with you ?

Ever since I got this thing ? I've been joking around about it,

sneaking cookies, and hiding from it.

All because I'm scared to ask myself the questions :

Is it gonna get worse ? Or are our kids gonna have it ?

Or how old am I gonna be when it finally gets me ?

You don't understand.

I don't understand ? Turk, look at me, I'm a WOD.

I keep trying to tell you this,

but it's the mirror in the bathroom, baby,

You haven't gained a pound since I met you !

No, I'm a WOD -- Wife Of Diabetic.

That's what they call us in all the diabetic chat rooms.

I spend a lot of time on the computer,

talking about how proud I am of my husband and how he's handling this.

How he's able to make jokes about it -- and money.

It's okay to be afraid, I am.

But I have to tell you,

I don't know what I would do if you suddenly became someone who let somethin own you

Yeah ! Well, you win ! Heh.

Your--your band didn't even sing yet.

There's no need. You win !

Oh, come on, Janitor ? For me ?

One second. Bring it in.

Oh, God.... Okay, I don't ask for much,

just a little help with a stain every now and then.

I'd like to be able to communicate with animals....

But right now, oh boy, we need a miracle.

Hibbleton -- whatever that means -- on three.

Hibbleton !

Hibbleton !

I suddenly found myself looking down on Mr. Kravitz,

Elliot's train wreck patient from this morning.

Apparently the irony wasn't lost on him either.

You gotta be kidding, Mr. Kravitz. Twice ?

BP's dropping.

He's becoming bradycardic. Doctor !

And things did slow down.

Dopamine, run it wide open. Get me an airway, I need a pacing wire.

No pulse.

I think the second you stop fighting it,

time really is on your side.

And you can go on being who you are...

Or keep enjoying that little crush of yours.

To you !

Cheers !

What do you say we go for the first ever triple giant doctor ?

Oh, Elliot, that's impossible. I mean, I know you've got strong legs, and you're--

I need you to place an IV

on the second floor, room 208.

Greetings !

I'm the world's most, most giant doctor !

Yeah, sure.

Not that kind of help. Agh !

If I let go, will you guys catch me ?

No !

Well, I'm going for it anyway !