All language subtitles for The.Caddy.1953

Hi.Hello.

Who'd you come to see?

ALL: You!

Oh, that's swell.What do you people
want?

ALL: Pictures!

Do we have any pictures?

Well, why don't
one of us go see?

Okay,I'll be back in a week.

No, he'll be right back.
He'll be right back.

Here. Look, Joe.
You all ready?

All right, now get set.There they go.

Here they...

I'm all right.
I'm all right.

Go get them!

Goodbye.What a town!

Boy, you'd think
we had made the first flight
to the moon and back.

And after every show
the crowds get bigger.

Yeah, remember
when I used to be
scared of crowds?

Yeah.No more. I like them.

They're only people.

That's nice.

Hark! Someone's
knocking at the door.

Answer it. Answer it.All righty.

Oh, hi, Eddie.

Well, hello, Eddie.What's happened to
you?

It took three cops
and a squad of ushers
to get us into the theater.

Boys, I'd like you
to meet Miss Lorelei.

How do you do?Hello, Miss Lorelei.

How do you do?

Oh, that's our boy,the biggest agent in
townand the easiest laugher.

Here, watch this.

Miss Lorelei,
I want you to meet
my mom and pop.

LORELEI: How do you do?

I'd like you
to meet my mom and pop.

They ain't here.

Miss Lorelei's doing a story
for the American Weekly.

Oh.You boys seem to have
more fun than the customers.

Oh, we do.

Isn't it wonderful when
people love their work?

The food is ready.

Oh, can I fix you a sandwich?

No, I'll just
take some notes.

That's not very nourishing.

Here, why don't you try some
of this terrific corned beef

and salami and...Now, about my story.

Oh, yes, well,
sit right down here,

and we'll find out just
how everything came about.

Now, how long
have you been
in the business?

About 12 years.12 years.

And where were you born?Scranton.

BOTH: Scranton?

Oh, that is a coincidence.

Were you boys
born in Scranton?

BOTH: No.

Is thisyour first engagementat the
Paramount?

Oh, I don't work here.Then what are you
doing here?

I came to get
an interview from you.

Well, you better hurry up.
We're almost on, dear.

Now, what would
you like to know?

Hey, fellows, two minutes.Two minutes?

What happened to the time?You and Pop,

you want to go in the wings
and watch the show?

Did you leave
the props on the piano
in the last show?

Come on.
I got the horns, Joe.
What else do we have, we...

We don't use the
horns this show.

Oh, well,
hold these, Mama.

Come on,
Miss Lorelei, with us.

But I want to know
how you boys got together.

Well, what about it?

Well, what do youexpect to do next?

Oh, we're going to play
some more theaters

and keep working, that's all.

Come on.
Jump, jump, jump!

Come on. This way.
Come on through here.

Jump. Come on. Don't be...

We gotta go on. Jump!Right.

Come on, jump off.
Come on!

That's a good girl.Oh, you 'fraidy cat.

What are you afraid of?
Well, well, we're on!

You enter from that side.And you enter
from that side.

And are you ready,
Mr. Anthony?

I sure am,
Mr. Miller.

Here we go.Right-o.

So here he is, Harvey Miller.

Hello.

Come on,
step to the rear of the bus.

We're coming
into 34th Street.

I'd like to say
how very happy
and thrilled we are,

ladies and gentlemen,
to be appearing here at the,
um, Paramount Theater,

and how nice it is
to see all you nice people.

I could stay
out here for hours,

but the Italian street singer
is getting old.

So I would like
to introduce my buddy,

pal and partner,
Mr. Joe Anthony.
Here he is.

Don't you wantme to sing a song?

Oh, yeah,
but I thought you and I

could do a song
together both.

Together both?Yeah, wouldn't
that be splendid?

Yeah, that would be peachy.

Oh, shall we do one?Yes.

Oh, thank you,
Great White Father.

♪ What would you do without me What
would you do, boy

♪ What would you do without me when
I'm gone

♪ I'd sell my car
and hock my ring

♪ And go right out
and hire Bing

♪ That's what I'd do
without you
That's what I'd do

♪ But tell me
what would you do
without me

♪ What would you do, boy

♪ What would you do without me when
I'm gone

♪ I'd have no
trouble replacing you

♪ I'd just go down
to the nearest zoo

♪ Oh, that's what
I'd do without you
That's what I'd do

♪ We will be

♪ Just like brothers,
you and I

♪ I'm for you

♪ I'm for me

♪ And I'll love you
till I die

♪ Oh,
what would you do without me
What would you do, boy

♪ What would you do
without me when I'm gone

♪ When my bankroll's gone
and I need some dough

♪ You're always
telling me where to go

♪ See?
What would you do without me
What would you do

♪ We will be
just like brothers,
you and I

♪ I'll go east

♪ I'll go west

♪ And I'll love you
till I die

♪ Oh,
what would you do without me
What would you do, boy

♪ What would you do without me when
I'm gone

♪ I've been your stooge
and been your clown

♪ Who picks you up
when you are down

♪ Who has $10
and gives you $9

♪ Who sticks by you
come rain or shine

♪ Who's always
taking it on the chin

♪ Who's always there,
lose or win

♪ Who's always
been a regular guy

♪ I'll love you till I die

♪ Oh,
what would you do without me
What would you do ♪

Then it must be
Mr. Miller's family

has the
theatrical background?

No, no,but you ask me, I tell you.

When Harvey is younger,

his papa isnumber one golf championin
the whole country.

One day it wasthe final match,

Father and Son Tournament.

PAPA: Harvey Miller, Sr.,
wanted his son to be

great golf champion, too,
and follow in his footprints.
Capisce?

I'll do my best, Dad.

I'm sorry, Dad.
I missed the cup.

That was a great drive,
Harvey.

Thank you.

Remember,
they're only people.

What's the matter
with you? Hit it.

Those people are
staring at me, Dad.

Don't look at them.
Look at the ball.

Look at the ball?Yes.

Now, what's the matter?It looked back.

Now, Harvey, hit that ball.

Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it! Hit it!

MILLER SR.: Hit it!
Hit it! Hit it!

Now what about your son,
Mr. Anthony?

Well,
I feel like Harvey's papa.

PAPA: I want Joe to
follow in my footprints.

Jump in, Joe.
We're gonna cast off.

Pop,I don't want to fish anymore.I get
seasick.

You crazy.

Your grandpapa
don't get seasick,

your papa don't get seasick,
you don't get seasick.

I don't feel
so good already.

But, Joe, we don't leave
the dock yet.

Here,
you eat something.

You'll feel better.Oh, Pop.

You may be
the sickest fisherman
in the ocean,

but you're gonna be
a fisherman.

Look, Pop,you can't treat melike a kid
any longer.

I'm grown up.

From now on,
I'm gonna stand
on my own two feet.

But on dry land!

Joe! Joe! You come back here!

Joe, Joe.

PAPA: Four years later,
Joe is a big boy,

but his sea legs no good.

He wanna try his land legs.

So he leave home
to take all kind of job.

He work very hard,
but he don't
like digging ditch.

Anthony, you're through.

You sure?I'm sure.

PAPA: And the boss
is always picking on him.

Joe finally know just what
he want to do with life.

I wanna go hometo San Francisco.How
about it?

Hop in.

PAPA: He was plenty smart.

In four years,
Harvey grow up
into a big boy, too.

He hope some day
to marry my daughter, Lisa.

But that golf,
it was still in his blood.

What time is it, Mr. Fisher?

Two minutes
to 12:00, Harvey.

Wow.

Mr. Miller.Yes, Mr. Baxter?

Take lunchone hour later today.

Oh, but, Skin...
But, Mr. Baxter,
I got tickets to see...

No buts, Miller.Your lunch is at one
o'clock.

Lisa...Harvey, did Mr. Baxterspeak to
you?

Yeah, come on,
we're going to lunch.

Oh, but, Harvey,
we can't. Mr. Baxter...

I don't care what
Mr. Baxter said, Lisa.

We've got tickets to
see Ben Hogan play,

and we're going
to see him play.
Now, come on.

NILES: Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

This is Wendell Niles
bringing you
a play-by-play account

of the San Francisco Open.
It's a beautiful
California day

and everybody's having
a wonderful time.

Ben Hogan is stepping up
to the ball now.

There's the back swing.

The ball is in the air
and it's beautiful!
It's underneath that...

It's funny, Lisa.
Crowds don't seem
to bother Mr. Hogan.

I don't want to be
a killjoy, Harvey,
darling,

but I'm worried about
our jobs at the store.

You know how Mr. Baxter
is about employees

taking too much
time for lunch.

Harvey, I'm worried
about Mr. Baxter.

Why, has he shot yet?

Mr. Baxter, our boss,
who could fire you

just like all the other
Mr. Baxters in your life.

And then we'll never
be able to get married.

Oh, don't worry
about money, Lisa.

I bet a whole two weeks'
salary on Mr. Hogan.Harvey, you didn't!

NILES: ...right through
that clump of trees
or under a low-hanging bow.

What a tough break for Ben.

How about us?
Two weeks' salary.

Harvey,
what are we going to do?

Come with me, Lisa.

Give me a 9-iron, please.

HARVEY: Psst! Psst!

Mr. Hogan.

Mr. Hogan,
this is a very
important shot to me.

And to me.Well, this is a very
fast green, Mr. Hogan,

and you're gonna need
a lot of backspin.

So I suggest
you use your wedge.

Well, if you don't mind,I'll use the
9-iron.

I just thought
I'd mention it.

Uh, my name
is Harvey Miller, Jr.

How are you, Harvey?I'm fine.
How are you, Mr. Hogan?

How's the family?Fine, thank you.

That's swell.Come on, son.
Let Mr. Hogan shoot.

All right.

That's a wedge shot,
Mr. Hogan.

See what I mean, Mr. Hogan?You're so
right.

You see, I playedthis course many
timeswith my Dad and I...

Come on, boy, off...You're not Mr.
Hogan.

HARVEY: Now take
your hands off me.

Hurry up and change.

I'll just push the clock back
a little bit, so old Skinhead
won't know.

Old Skinhead does know.

Well, don't tell...
Mr. Baxter!

Miller. Miller.

Miller!

Miller?Uh, yes, Mr. Baxter.

We're having a terrific runon birds
today.

Birds?Badminton birds.

Miller, why?

Why did you take
three hours for lunch?

Well, you see, Mr. Baxter,

I go to this terrific
little restaurant
in Dallas, Texas.

Dallas, Texas! You...

Miss Anthony.Yes, Mr. Baxter?

You're fired.

Oh, oh.

Oh, Mr. Baxter.

Good afternoon,
Mr. Johnson.Hello, Harvey.

It's a nice day,
ain't it, Mr. Johnson?

Yes, it is, Harvey.

Watch where
you're going, boy.

Oh, I'm sorry,
Mr. Phillips.

I guess I was going
where I wasn't looking.

Miller.Oh.

Look out!
Help, help!

Put that ladder back there,
you... You... You...

BAXTER: Miller!

Miller!

Miller!

Miller!

Mr. Baxter,
please don't hit me.

I... I didn't do nothing,
Mr. Baxter.

I was just out
and I... I... I...

All right, reach, Baxter.

Now, now, now, Miller.

It's a different story now,
ain't it, Baxter?

We were just
having a little fun.

You were having
a little fun, Skinhead.

Skinhead... Yes.

It's a differentstory now.

The shoe'son the other foot.

All right, you hadyour chance then,
Baxter.

Now, now, Miller!Mr. Baxter!

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You look just
like a rhinoceros.

Wait, I... I did it
and I'll fix it.

Here.

No.Uh, Miller.

One, one second, Mr. Baxter.Yeah, yeah.

Miller, Miller, Miller.No, it's all
right.

No, I got it.Now, just... That's fine.

Miller.

Yes, I, I'm goingto get it now.

Miller.

Here it comes,
Mr. Baxter. All right.

We got it, didn't we?

That wasn't so hard,
now, was it?

Mr. Baxter!

Got off those skates!
Miller!

BAXTER: Come back here.

Now, listen, Miller

Miller, that's not funny.
M-Miller!

Get off of there, Miller!
Get off of there!

BAXTER: Not
the China Department!

Not in the China Department!

It's all right, Mr. Baxter.
I won't hit anything!

Miller.

I'm sorry, Mr. Baxter!

Mr. Baxter?

Yes?

I'd like to give
my two weeks' notice.

Well, that will be...Get out.

Harvey.Yeah?

Where's that winning smile?Come on,let's
see that dimple.

No, I'm no good
for anything, Lisa.

I'll never smile again.

Harvey Miller,is that any way to talk?

It's the only way
I know how.

Look, all great menhave had to go
throughbad times.

You've read
about them in books.

Then when you're famous,why
you'll...You'll look back and laugh.

Ha, ha, ha.

Just say I'm no good
for anything.

I let you down.

Go ahead.Okay.

Harvey Miller,you're no good for
anything.

You've let me down.

Gee, it sounds awful
when you say it.

I wish my brother Joewas here.

He's had a lot ofexperience in business

and he could help
you find yourself.

I ain't even lookin'
for myself.

All I know is golf.

And I sure wish
I could forget it.

Hey.What?

Why forget it?

Huh?Teach it.

Why, with all
you know about golf,

you'd be a cinch
to open a school.

You can stand people
one at a time, can't you?

Yeah.

Gee, that's a good idea,Lisa.

Boy, if I ever amountto anything,

you'll be the womanbehind the man

that made the manbehind the gun

who loved the womanbehind the manbehind
the gun.

I got carried away.

Goodnight, Harvey.Goodnight, Lisa.

Goodnight, Lisa.

You know what?

The first thingin the morning,I'm gonna
get organized.

Goodnight, Lisa.Goodnight, Harvey.

Mama reserved the church
for February,

but she can
postpone it again.

Maybe she won't...

Maybe she won't have to.

Once I get
my school started...

That's right, Harvey.Uh-huh!

Goodnight, Harvey.

Goodnight.

Excuse me.

I got carried away again.

Thanks a lot, pal.

Don't make too much noise.Don't want to
wake the folks.

I haven't been home
in years.

Hey.

This is my room.

You're in my bed.

Excuse me.

Hey!

See you tonight, Lisa.

Ma! Pop!

Ma! Pop! Lisa!

PAPA: Joe! Hey, Mama!

Joe!

Joe, it's wonderful
you're back.

You know, there's somebody
in this house.

You wait,I get my harpoon gun.

Come on, let's...

I found him in my bed.
He looks nutty.

Oh, no, Joe.

I don't know who he is.

That's it.

MAMA: That's Harvey.PAPA: That's Harvey.

JOE: Harvey?

You're away from homeso we rent him your
room, Joe.

Yes. He's nice boy.Sure, he's a nice
boy.

Come on, we fix Joesomething to eat.

Yes, yes.

Harvey.

Oh, I've seen this before.

Goodnight, Harvey.

Not me.

Goodnight, Lisa.

Lisa, what is that?

Better get used to him, Joe.

He's going to beyour brother-in-law.

That's nice.

My brother-in-law?

JOE: You want some coffee?

Real hot coffee?PAPA: Warm him up.

Who makes better
coffee than Mama?

Not nobody.

Papa sometimes.Here you are, all finish.

It's just like new.
Here, you, you try it on?

Ah.There we go.

Look good, Mama.How's it look, Pop?

Very good.Good?

Oh, nice, nice.

PAPA: Oh, Mama,she's good to have Joe
back?

PAPA: Now, you're home,Joe, we're gonna
throwall these tables out.

Pop, here's $5.
Buy yourself a new pipe.

Oh, Joe.

But, Mama, you, you couldbuy a new
dress, huh?

Hey, by the way, Pop,
what does Harvey
do for a living?

Oh, he's a good boy.He's no working now.

See?

Let's try it.

Now, take the club backslow and easy.

You should keep
your head down, Lisa.

Now swing straight outand follow
through.

Will you please
keep your head down?

Let me show you, Lisa.You stand over
there.

JOE: $10,000!

Hey.
What's going on here?

What're you doing?Harvey's going to be
a golf instructor.

I'm his first pupil.

Oh, Harvey,
this is my brother, Joe.

Oh, hello, Joe.Hi, Harvey.

Hey, you're pretty good.Oh, thanks.

He's wonderful.

Yeah, but why teach?
Why don't you play?

You ever read
the sports sections?

You can make a lot of money
in those tournaments.

T-Tournaments, tournaments.

Tournaments.
No, I... I can't play
in front of people.

Oh, no,people make him very
nervous.He-He's high-strung.

Yes,
I'm strung very high.

Well, you won all thosetrophies, didn't
you?

Oh, no,
those are my father's.

Harvey Miller, Sr.He was a great golfer.

Are these your father's?

Uh, no.Those are my baby shoes.

JOE: Oh, you won these?HARVEY: No, I
wore them.

You wore them?Yeah, I never won
anything.

I tighten up.

Oh, Harvey,
you shouldn't tighten up.

You got to relax.

Don't be jerky.

I can't help it.

Wow.

Wow!Joe, you're good, too.

You think I spend
all my time in poolrooms?

You're a natural,
just like my Dad.

He won $5,000 at Pinehurst,and $7,000 at
Tam O'Shanter,

and $20,000 at Inverness,and besides
that,

there's sporting
goods companies

with endorsements
and exhibition games.

Go ahead.I'm out of breath.

You'd make a
wonderful combination.

Yeah, and there's
a tournament

opening in Santa Barbara
in a couple of weeks.

You could be the player
and I could be the caddy.

There's a $500 prize.

Gee, that'd buy us
a lot of furniture.

It would mean work,
work and more work.

You have to bear down.

You know, I think
you're running a fever.

I'm no golfer.

All you have to do
is practice.

MAN: Hey, what's the matter?

I'm gonna get the police and
make you pay for the mess!

He's coming, he's coming.

Ma?

Ma? Will you sew
a button on for me?

PAPA: Hey, Harvey,
hurry up with the cake.

Hurry up.

Oh.Hey.

Hey, w-what's going on here?

"It says ""Welcome home,"
"Joe. Amore."""

That means...Love.

It's Italian.
How'd you know?

I used to work here.

Take back the cake.
He used to work here.

Home, uh, from
your triumphal tour, Joe?

A-And this time
is for good, too.

Joe, like old time,you sing a song for
Mama.

Oh, no, Mom.

Not in front
of all these people.Aw.

Joe! You sing for Mama.

♪ In Napoli
where love is king

♪ When boy meets girl
here's what they sing

♪ When the moon
hits your eye
like a big pizza pie

♪ That's amore

♪ When the world
seems to shine like
you've had too much wine

♪ That's amore

♪ Bells will ring
ting-a-ling-a-ling
ting-a-ling-a-ling

♪ And you'll sing
Vita bella

Bravo, Joe.

♪ Hearts will play
tippy-tippy-tay
tippy-tippy-tay

♪ Like a gay tarantella

Lucky fella.

♪ When the stars
make you drool
just like pasta fagiole

♪ That's amore

♪ When you dance
down the street
with a cloud at your feet

♪ You're in love

♪ When you walk

♪ In a dream

♪ But you know

♪ You're not dreaming,
signora

Mama.

♪ Scuzza me,
but you see,
back in old Napoli

♪ That's amore

♪ If you still kiss your girl
after garlic and oil

♪ That's amore?

♪ That's amore

♪ If you call her your pet
though she's shaped
like spaghett

♪ That's amore?

♪ That's amore

♪ Bells will ring

♪ Ting-a-ling-a-ling,
ting-a-ling-a-ling

♪ And you'll sing
Vita bella

♪ Vita bella, Vita bella

♪ Hearts will play

♪ Tippy-tippy-tay,
tippy-tippy-tay

♪ Like a gay tarantella

♪ Tarantella

♪ When the stars
make you drool
just like pasta fagiole

♪ That's amore

♪ That's amore

♪ When you dance
down the street
with a cloud at your feet

♪ You're in love

♪ You're in love

♪ When you walk

♪ In a dream

♪ But you know
you're not dreaming

♪ Signore

♪ Scuzza me,
but you see,
back in old Napoli

♪ That's amore ♪ That's amore

Everybody sing.

ALL: ♪ When the moon

♪ Hits your eye
like a big pizza pie

♪ That's amore

ALL: ♪ That's amore

♪ When the world
seems to shine like
you've had too much wine

♪ That's amoreALL: ♪ That's amore

♪ When you walk

♪ In a dream

♪ But you know
you're not dreaming

Hey, signore.

♪ Scuzza me, but you see
back in old Napoli

ALL: ♪ That's amore

♪ Signore

♪ That's amore

Oh, Joe.

Everybody sit down!
Come on.

WOMAN: It's getting cold.

You eat, you eat.

I got to make
important announcement.

Tonight, I tell you,

is the finest night
in the whole life
of me and Mama.

Like my papa and me,

soon there gonna be
another fisherman
in the family.

Congratulations, Mama.
Do you feel all right?

Oh, Harvey. You're crazy.

We're gonna have
back with us

the second most
finest fisherman
in all California, eh.

My son Joe.

PAPA: But last night
I got to thinking,

old boat not big enough
for two big fishermen like us,

so I talk to Mr. Spezzato
this afternoon.

And I'm proud to say
he sold me the Santa Clara.

And I give Papa
a good trade-in, Joe.

What's the matter, Captain?

All we owe is $500 cash.

$500? But, Pop, why didn't
you ask me first?

But you come home.

You stop running aroundthe country like
a hobo.

You come home for good, no?

Well, even if I did,
I don't want to be
a fisherman.

Then what you gonna do?

I'm gonna play golf.

He's gonna play golf?

Golf? Uh, what's a golf?

What's a golf?
I mean, what's golf?

You hit a little ball
with a stick.

You don't want be
a fisherman, huh?

You want to hit a little ballwith a
stick? Why?

There's a lot
of money in it.

Sure, Pop. If I win
a couple tournaments,

I could fish for
ten years and never
make that kind of money.

And I bet you neverheard of Ben Hogan.

He won $10,000in two days at Pinehurst.

You want to make a living
hitting a little ball
with a stick?

And Harvey's father
won $20,000 at Inverness.

And Jimmy Thomsonwon $5,000at Tam
O'Shanter.

Oh, they won all this
money, huh? For what?

For hit a little ballwith a
stick.Harvey.

Well, that's what he said.Well, he knows
how to say it.

Papa, Joe could be
a great golfer. Si...

I can see it all now.

We're on the course
at Pinehurst.

There's a thousand
people following us.

We're ready to tee off
on the last hole.

Now, I hand Joe the club.

He walks up to the ball
very nonchalantly.

He takes aim, he swings

and it's a screamer
right down the fairway.

Fore!

Then I hand him
his niblick.

What's a niblick?That's a littler stick.

Now, he hits the ball
right up on the green.

It's about 25 feet
from the cup.

Now, if he sinks this,
he beats Hogan.

He'll be the new champ.

He aims, he putts
and the ball is going
right for the cup.

It's at the cup
and it rims the edge
and goes around,

and around
and around
and around...

But it doesn't go in.

It don't go in?

But, wait. Hogan putts.

He hits his ball,
and it knocks

Joe's ball
right into the cup!

CAMINELLO:It's in, it's in. We won.

Sure we won.He's my son, no?

And they take him up
to the Judge's Stand

and they give
him this trophy.
He's the new champion.

Then they present him
with a $10,000 check.

Bravo.I take it,

and, Pop,
I give you some money
to pay off the new boat.

I buy Mom a mink.
And, uh,

you two send your kids
to Harvard.

They'll be doctors.

You trying to
kill me, Joe?

That's enough
for today, Joe.

HARVEY: Here we are, Joe.
Let's go in and register.

JOE: Okay with me.

Hey, dig this rug.

They really live
it up here, huh?

Oh, yeah, my Dad used totake me to all
these places

when I was a kid,and he said it's
veryimportant to socialize.

So mix, mingle.

Hello.Hello.

Hi.Names, please.

Uh, this is Joe Anthony,and I'm Harvey
Miller, Jr.

Joe Anthony.

Yes, entered
from San Francisco.

Uh-huh.

But I... I don't see
any Harvey Miller, Jr.

No.

Oh, that's right.
Joe's the player.
I'm his caddy.

The caddy house
is next door, son.

Oh, yes. Thank you.

Wait a minute.
We're partners.

If he can't stay,
I don't stay.

Oh, no, Joe. Uh, will youexcuse me just
a second?

Look, Joe,don't worry about me.I... I'll
be all right.

W-We caddies
have an awful lot
of fun together.

And, and you belong hereand I belong
there.

We'll be together.

Uh, thank you very much, sir.

The caddy house is that way.

You told me before.

I'd better go along
with him.

Oh, take my word for it.
He'll be all right.

Come on,
I'll introduce you around.

Mr. Anthony, Bruce Reeber.

How are you?Hi.

KATHY: Gaston Leron.

LERON: How do you do?KATHY: Sidney
Benthall.

How do you do?

Jonathan Preen
and Harry Bell.

BELL: How are you?

I'm Kathy Taylor.Hi.

Uh, Mr. Anthony
is from San Francisco.

Well, say,
if you're from San Francisco,
you must know Ted Kohler

of Kohler,
Heisler and Dodge.

No, I don't.Oh, but you must,

if you play at the
Bay City Country Club.

I don't.What club do you
represent up there?

None.

I know now. You played in the
Phoenix Open, didn't you?

No.Anthony. Anthony.
San Francisco.

What businessis your family in?Fish.

Importing or exporting?Catching.

BENTHALL: Oh.

I beg your pardon,
I would like to know
if I could...

I... I beg,
I beg your pardon,
I would...

I beg your pardon!

I'm sorry.

I would like to know
if I can have a locker.

Hey, you're quite
a tomboy, aren't you?

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah?

Well, sticks and stones
will break my bones,

and names'll
never harm me.

Could I have a locker?

Yeah, down that way, buddy.

Thank you, sir.
You're a gentleman.

Thank you.

Come on, we got a pigeon.
Come on.

MAN: Well,
look at skinny-boy.

Is it alive?You get out of here!

All right.No, it's not.

MAN: Oh, oh, brother.

Boo.

Go on, get out of here!

Go ahead.

That was the best one...

Hello, fellas.

Wise guy.

Smart aleck.

Oh.

Soap.

Towel. Oh, towel.
Oh, oh, oh.

Towel. Towel. Towel. Towel.

REEBER: Well,
I didn't even finish.

BENTHALL: I didn't even enter.

REEBER: Won't you, uh...

Hey, buddy, you got a towel?
Somebody took mine.

Oh, thanks.

I got soap in my eyes.

I went over to
get some water
and there wasn't any.

It's murder when you
get soap in your eyes

a-and y-y-you can't get
to the... the water to wash

Young man!

I know, it's this way.

Oh, that kid!
I love him! He...

HARMON: Those of you
who tuned in late,
this is Tom Harmon

reporting on
the Santa Barbara Open,
with Joe Anthony...

Again, Papa. I told youwe need a new
one.

You wait. I make fix.
Work like a charm.

HARMON: Joe Anthony
approaches the ball.

His caddy is down
behind the ball,
lining it up on his stomach.

HARMON: He goes over
to the golf bag,
gets out a whisk broom.

Wait one second, Joe. He starts to brush
a path to the cup.

Take it easy now.

Harvey? Will you
get out of the way, Harv?

Anthony waits
very patiently.

He's now by the hole
and he's lining up the...

It's about two feet
on your right.

Don't be nervous.

He approaches the ball.

He putts. There it goes.
It's rolling, rolling.

It goes round
and round and in!

Attaboy, Joe!

Nice going, Anthony,
old boy.

LERON: Nice putt, Joe.

REEBER: Congratulations.We'll see you at
the party,Kathy?

I'll be there.

Oh, Mr. Anthony,
won't you join
us at the party?

Well...No?

Yes.Hey, Joe,
you were absolutely...

Oh, very nice
officialing, sir.Yes.

Will you get out of here?

Oh, all right.
I don't want to disturb
anything, Joe,

so I'll see you back
at the...

At the home.

You thought
I was going to say motel.

Okay, goodbye, Harvey.Nice round, Mr.
Anthony.

Congratulations.Thank you.

MAN: Give us one more, Joe.

Turn on the charm,
Mr. Anthony.

Give them the full force
of your personality.

Fine.

Welcome Home, Champ.
Wonder who that's for?

Oh, that's for Joe.We gotta
celebrate,don't we?

Joe! Hi.Hi.

Mmm, that smells good.It is, uh, good.

Just like Mama makes.She taught me.

For Joe.
Hey, what is this?

Open it up, Joe.

Oh, a new cap.

No, that was my Dad's.But it's yours
now.

Thanks.Uh, try it on.

Fits just like a glove.

It sure does.
Thanks, Harvey.

Oh, that's okay.And here's something
else.

I want you to have this.

My Dad won thisat Inverness.

"You know the old saying""money comes to
money,"""

maybe cups will come to cups.

Thank you.That's all right.

Yeah, but I have a party...

Yeah, it is sort of
like a party, Joe,

and I got
the wide noodles
you like so well.

No, you shouldn't
have gone to all
this trouble.

Oh, it's all right, Joe.

A... A man that's
under pressure
should have things he likes.

A-And it's good
for the stomach, too.

After this, we'll have
a couple of scoops

of that terrific
chocolate crunch
ice cream

and we'll hit the sack.

Yeah, but Kathy Taylorinvited me to the
club dance.

Kathy Taylor?
Kathy Taylor.

Oh, that nice girl
from the country club.

Uh-huh.Oh, yes.

Oh, no!
You can't go out, Joe.
You're in training.

Well, all the otherfellows are going.

Well, gee, Joe.
I'm supposed to
be your manager,

isn't that right?Yeah.

And I'm supposed
to specify whether
you can go out or not.

Sure.

Oh, Harvey,I wouldn't do anythingto hurt
our chances.

You'll dance until
your legs are wobbly.

You're right.I'll sit out every dance.

That's twice as tiring.

Oh, Harvey,I'll be home early.

Eleven o'clock?Eleven o'clock.

Scout's honor?Uh-huh.

And if you're not home,can I come after
youand bring you home?

Scout's honor.

Okay.

Oh, Harvey.
I'm... I'm sorry
about all this.

Oh, that's all right.

What's the difference, Joe?

All I have to dois take off one plate.

Anyhow, it'll be goodfor you to relax.

Have some laughs.

But don't, don'tforget your promise.

Eleven o'clock.

Okay. Bye.Bye.

Excuse me.

Hello.Hello.

Don't you remember me?
Kathy Taylor.

Girl receptionist.
Belle of the links.

Oh, yeah.Well, good evening.

I better make that goodnight.I'm out of
uniform.

You're positively stunning.

So what if you left
your dinner jacket
at home?

I left it in Kansas City.But I can show
youthe pawn ticket.

I believe you.
Shall we dance?Only if I lead.

You can lead.

Good evening.

What's the matter?

I'm worried about thatdinner jacket in
Kansas City,

waiting for youto come backand you never
do.

Don't let that upset you.

I used to wear that
when I was a singing waiter.

It's full
of beer stains anyhow.

And powder, too.And probably tears.

Some poor girl
waiting for you

to come back
and you never do.

Better make that plural.Girls.

Here we go again.

The subtle female approach.

"Is he attached
or unattached?"

Okay, so you don't
like my approach.

What's yours?

Ready?Uh-huh.

Step number one:
shall we get
a breath of air?

We shall.

I'm, uh, worried
about step number 2.

Step number two:
he sings a song at her.

Well.

I'll, uh,
I'll brace myself.

Promise to catch me
if I faint?

I promise.

♪ You're the right one

♪ Yes, the right one

♪ I have never been so sure

♪ Of anyone before

♪ You're the first time

♪ And the last time

♪ You're the one time

♪ There'll be no more

♪ You're the star

♪ That always seemed

♪ So far

♪ But, darling,
here you are

♪ For all the world to see

♪ So, if you love me

♪ Say you love me

♪ For I know

♪ That you're the right one

♪ For me

♪ You're the star

♪ That always seemed so far

♪ But, darling,
here you are

♪ For all the world to see

♪ So if you love me

♪ Say you love me

♪ For I know

♪ That you're the right one

CHOIR: ♪ The right one

♪ For me

CHOIR: ♪ Know that
you're the right one

♪ For me

It's after 11:00.

Joe.

Gee, Joe,
if the Rules Committee
ever saw you...

Now, get in here.

Come on, Joe.
You can't sleep
with your clothes on.

How could you
do this, Joe?

With the second round
coming up tomorrow.

Don't worry about me,I'll come out
fighting.

Well, you're so drunk
you don't even know
you're a golfer.

Now, look,
if it's golf
you want, okay,

but just don't nag, Emma.

Emma? I'm Harvey.

Hiya, Harvey.

Well, I thought
you was Emma.

And who are you?I'm Emma's husband.

Oh.Don't tell her, though.

No. Where do you live?

Harvey, my boy,
if I tell you,

will you promise
not to take me there?

No.Good. I live next door.

Come on, let's go.

Now, look, Harvey, I insist...

Come on, mister,
will you please?

HARVEY: Here. Easy.

Take your pants
and your shoes.

Come on, now.
Easy now. Come on.

Hi, Emma.

I don't know
where you've been,

but at least you came
home with first prize.

Joe.

WOMAN: Sing it again.

How about another chorus?
Sing it again.

MAN: More. Sing it again.

JOE: ♪ Not a cloud
in sight

♪ The sun's just right

♪ The world's
a bright bouquet

♪ It's a wonderful kinda
whistlin' kinda mornin'

Psst!JOE: ♪ Oh, life is sweet

♪ As sweet
as people make it

♪ So tweet your tweet

♪ And hear
"the robin say, ""Okay"""

♪ Get a happy-go-lucky
feelin'

♪ Come and live it up
while you may

Harvey.

Joe, do you realize
it's after eleven o'clock?

So what?Well, you promised, Joe!

Promised what?

Well, you promised you'd
be home at eleven o'clock.

Now, it's after
eleven o'clock!

Harvey,I'm in the middle of a song.

Well, I'm sorry, Joe.

You said you were
gonna come home.

Stop the music.
Stop the music.

Now, say goodnight
to everyone.

Goodnight to everyone.
Goodnight, you all.

Goodnight, everyone.Harvey!

Goodnight...

You're very rude
and impolite, sir.

What're you laughing at?

You.Well, don't.

You may have a childof your own some
day.

What's the matterwith you, Harvey?

You shouldn't yellat these people.

They belong hereand you don't!

Yeah? Well, they shouldn't
laugh at me, Joe,

'cause I'm trying
to take good care of you.

I appreciate that,Harvey, but I have
tofinish the song.

We can't be impoliteand leave now.

You could
if you wanted to.The music.

Hey, hey,what are you doing?

Stop pulling. Let me go.

♪ It's the crooniest, tuniest
Juniest day to say

♪ Not a cloud in sight

♪ The sun's just right

♪ The world's
a bright bouquet

JOE: ♪ It's a wonderful kinda
whistlin' kinda mornin'

♪ Oh, life is sweet

♪ As sweet as people make it

♪ So tweet your tweet

♪ And hear the robin say,
Okay

♪ Get a happy-go-lucky
feelin'

♪ Come and live it up
while you may

♪ It's the dillyest, dallyest
pallyest day today

♪ It's a wonderful kinda
whistlin' kinda mornin'

♪ Oh, what a mornin'

♪ Oh, what a mornin'

♪ It's a wonderful kinda
whistlin' kinda day ♪

This is Tom Harmon
announcing the final round

of the Santa Barbara Open.

Bell is now making
his approach to the green.

He shoots. It's a beautiful,
high pitch shot, rolling.

It stops four feet on
the other side of the pin.

One putt and he's in,and there goesthe
old ball game.

Oh, don't you
believe it, Joe.

It just takes
a little courage
plus a cool head.

Now lay one up there.You can do it,
champ.

MAN: Hey, Anthony,
it's your shot.

Wait a minute, Joe.

MAN: Come on, Anthony,
you're holding up the game.

Now see here, boy.That's not allowed.

Oh, I beg your
pardon, sir.

"In the event
a limb is endangering
the contestant's eyesight,

said limb may be remove."
Uh, removed.

Ruled by Jock MacRae,

August 23rd, 1886,
at Inverness, Scotland.

Is there such a rule?

Well, certainly there is.

Now if you'll
excuse us, please?

Please.

Harvey,
is there such a rule?

Joe Anthony's next shot
and it's a very
difficult shot.

HARMON: He lines up the shot.
He shoots.

It's a beautiful
high approach.

It's rolling,
it's rolling, it's rolling.

It breaks. It's in the cup!

Attaboy, Joe!

As the winnerof our tournament,you are
invited to compete

in the $10,000 invitational

to be held at Montereyweek after next.

Good luck.Thank you, sir.

Good luck, Joe.

Thank you.BELL: Good luck.

Thanks.

Until then you'll be
my houseguest at Carmel.

No or yes?Yes.

And last,but certainly not least,

the Club's check for $500.

Thank you.

Bravo!

$500. Paid in full.

For the last ten years,it has been the
customfor the winner

to turn over the checkto our charity
fund.

I know Mr. Anthonywould insist

on followingthis noble tradition.

Certainly.

Thank you from all of us.

And, boy, when you
sank it that was really
something, Joe.

My dad couldn't
have done better.

Oh, it was nothing.
It was really nothing.

But how is charity
gonna get Pop

off the hook for the $500
he owes on the new boat?

And furthermore,
how we gonna eat?

But, Joe, money's notthe important
thing.

It's the fact that nowyou're on your
way.

I sure am.

And now we're invited to
play in the tournament,

and that's $10,000
we can keep.

Joe Anthony?Yeah.

Sign this, please.

See, already,autograph hunters.What is
this?

Compliments of
the Santa Barbara
Businessmen's Association.

Look.

Hey, Joe,
look at these golf balls.

You look at them.

Look at this
complete outfit.

Give those boys
a handsome tip.

Here you are.
No, keep it.

And thanks very much
for your trouble.

Thanks for the gift.

Wise guy.

Anthony,
you old hound dog, you.

See, Joe,
what golf can do for you?

And back in San Francisco
we can live at home,

and practice
with all these golf balls.

We're gonna have to catch up
on our short game.

Remember, you can't
count on luck all the time.

"What do you mean ""luck?"""

Oh, I'm sorry.Luck?

Travelwell Deluxe.
I certainly intend to.

Harv.Oh, yeah.

And by the way,
I'm not going
to San Francisco.

You're not going home?

I'll practice every day.
The country club
is right nearby.

Nearby what?

Kathy Taylor's home
in Carmel.

Joe, we can't takea vacation now.

Our whole future's at stake.

I just won a tournament,
didn't I?

Yeah, but not againstHogan or Snead,

and that'swho you're gonna haveto play
at Monterey.

Look, Harvey, I've never
met a Kathy Taylor
before, and I like her.

I'm human.

Okay. We'll go to her place.

But remember, Joe, youhave to practice
every day.

Uh, Harvey,
one of us has to go home

and tell the folks
how we're doing.

Well, gee, Joe,
San Francisco's
out of the way

if we are going to Carmel.We ought to...

I guess you're right.

One of uswill have to go home

and let the folksknow how we're doing.

I'll meet you in Monterey
the morning of
the qualifying round.

Okay, you take the clubsand I'll give
the folksyour love.

You take the rest.

Oh, that's Kathy.

Sounds like she has a cold.

Well, I'll see you
in a week.

Okay.That's yours.

Thanks.

Okay, now you send
the rest of my things
home, huh?

Okay.JOE: Bye.

Goodbye.Hi, Kathy.

KATHY: Let's go, champ.Be right with
you.

Well, let's go.

How do you like that?I almost ran off

without givingany money to my caddy.

I knewyou'd change your mind.

We're still buddies.Sure, we're buddies.

How much money we got?Oh.

We have, uh,$10, $20, $30, $35,

$36.50.We're rolling in dough.

Where'd you get all this?Oh, I had youin
the caddies' pool.

But I spent $3.69on the party for you.

Look, Harvey.
I can't go up there broke.
I'll hang onto the $30,

and you keep the rest
for food and bus fare.

Oh, don't mention it.
You're entitled to it.
Enjoy yourself.

Joe...Don't thank me.
Have a good time.

Bye.Bye.

Kathy, is this Carmel
or Indianapolis?

What would your mother say
if she saw you
driving like that?

I don't know.
Why don't you ask her?Hello, dear.

Hello, Mother.
Say hello to Joe Anthony.

Hello, Joe Anthony.Hello, Mother.

Oh, don't you dare.

My name is Grace,and I lie about my age.

Hello, Grace.Hello.

Joe just won the tournament.

Well, good for Joe.Wonderful. Come
along.

Can't you piggies be quiet?

MAN: This is
the Taylor estate.

Oh, just a second.
I'll get my things.

Thank you, Mr. Farmer.

Joey!

Joey?

Joey?

Joey! Joey!

I'm not a robber,
I'm looking for Joey!

Hello. Hello, doggies.

I'm poor and skinny.

Leave me alone.
I wouldn't taste good anyhow.

What are you
complaining about?

You belong here.
You're an animal.

I'm a humane.

And I'm hungry.

Well, don't be selfish.

I don't want any of your hay.You can
have that.

Can't I just please
have a carrot?

Thank you. You're very kind.

W-Won't you have
a little scrambled egg?

You have absolutely
nothing on your plate.

Well, I could hardly...

Yes, Lisa?

8:30! Oh, thanks, Rodney,
for waking me up.

I gotta get these clubs
to Joe right away.

Good morning.

Thanks again, Rodney.
I'll see you soon.

Watch my things, huh? Thanks.

Oh, how am I going
to get out of here?

Hello, how do you do?I'm looking for Mr.
Anthony.

He forgot his clubs,so I brought them to
himso he could practice.

Mr. Anthony is out cycling
with Miss Taylor.

I'll take them.

No, I wanted to see...
I...

Nice doggies.

Hello, doggies.
I... I'm not the same fella.

If you don't
believe me, take a...

Take a sniff.

See, the guy you want
is still inside.

MAN: Hey!
What are you doing out here?

You're not supposed
to be with a guest.

Come on with me.

I can hardly lift it now.

Well, forget all about
your diets, everybody.

F-Food.

Oh, F-F-Food.

CHARLES: Uh,
good morning, Mr...

Good morning, sir.
Splendid morning.

Splendid.
Wonderful morning, and it's
the best time to get up,

is in the morning, isn't it?

Breakfast, sir?Sure!

I mean, uh, yes,
I suppose I might
have a bite.

Yes. What mightI serve you, sir?

Oh, the sausages are fine.

Oh, Wonderful.
Mmm-hmm...

Ham in the morning
is just wonderful. Oh.

Uh, eggs with it.
Oh, Nothing like eggs
with it in the morning.

And a muffin.
That is very nourishing.

Bacon. Bacon's wonderful.

Oh, wonderful. Fine.

How about just one more
for the road?

One more.

Oh, l-lamb chops
are very nourishing
in the morning.

I'll take that,
and thank you.

Mmm, oh, buns.

Buns. Yeah.

Ah, little buns. Little ones.
Yes, I love them.

Baby buns. Uh-huh.
And we missed something.
Uh, you're cold.

You're getting warmer,
warmer.

Uh, no, you're cold.
You were warm.

Hot! Kippers!
I just adore kippers. Mmm.

Potatoes, sir?Potatoes?

Want me to ruin my waistline?Oh, sorry,
sir.

It's all right.BOTH: Thank you.

Uh, shall we start over?Oh, no.

No. No, I'll, I'll haveto get some warm
plates.

W-W-Warm plates?
I'll be here.

HARVEY: I... I'll be here,
waiting.

Hearty appetite.

How do you do?Hello.

In all the excitement
of arriving yesterday,

I don't believe we've met.Thank you.

Although you do
look familiar.

My name is Benthall,
Sidney Benthall.

The name is Miller.Harvey Miller,
Jr.Hmm.

May I present Miss Carlton,
Miss Kennedy.

Miss Carlton, Miss Kennedy.Mr. Miller.

How do you do...Oh, no, that's Mr.
Leron.

Awfully pleased
to know you. Awfully.

But I have seen yousomewhere before.

I have never
been there before.

At the, uh,golf tournament dance.

At Santa Barbara.Uh, Santa Barbara?

You are right,
it was Santa Barbara.

It could not
have been Santa Barbara.

Well, who are you?Who am I?

Where are you from?Where am I from?

Gentlemen,
from Miami to London,

from London to Boston,

I'm known as
the gay continental.

♪ Continent,
continent, continental

♪ And I got this way
quite accidental

♪ All my people have riches

♪ And velveteen britches

♪ And white tie
and tails and top hats on

♪ And top hats and top hats
and top hats on

♪ And they breakfast in bed
with their spats on

♪ Life's a bore

♪ Having cocktails
and tea around four

♪ Whee, fiddle-dee-dee

♪ I keep drinking
as long as they're free

♪ Now my old family tree

♪ Is so precious to me

♪ It is the sturdy old tree
I was sprung from

♪ I was sprung, I was sprung
I was sprung from

♪ 'Tis the tree that
my grandpa was hung from

♪ Though I can't pay
my rental

♪ A gay continental am I

♪ Hi, ho, hum

♪ I'm a high-class
society crumb

♪ C'est la vie

♪ Now in French
that means nothing to me

♪ My old family estate

♪ Is so big and sedate

♪ If you happen my way,
give a look in

♪ Give a look,
give a look, give a look in

♪ On the Rue de la
Flatbush in Brooklyn

♪ I'm a wee temperamental

♪ At times, detrimental

♪ My money's parental

♪ My attitude's mental

♪ My upper plate's dental

♪ A gay continental am I

Harvey,
what are you doing here?

The breaststroke.I never learned to
crawl.

Come out of there.

Now I know who you are.

Why, you're...I'm his caddy.

Caddy? Sorry.

You're supposed to be
in San Francisco.

Don't you know these people
are all invited guests?

Consider yourself
invited, Harvey.
I'm glad you're here.

Oh, thank you.We can use you.

Can't we, Mother?Why, of course.

Until the tournament starts
you can earn some money.

GRACE: Charles,
with so many extra guests,
we'll need another man.

Charles will
take care of you.

Oh, you don't understand.Joe and I...

Well, I think
that's very sweet
of Mrs. Taylor.

But, Joe,we gotta practice.

You're very
conscientious, Harvey,
but, don't overdo it.

CHARLES: Come along, boy.

Now, go along, boy.

JOE: He's really
a very nice guy.

GRACE: Of course, he is.

Listen to this partof the letter from
Harvey.Oh.

"He say, ""Joe won"
at Santa Barbara

and we play again soon
at the $10,000
"Monterey tournament."""

So who say he's gonna win?I say so.

I don't believe you.
I attach!

Wait, Mr. Spezzato. Uh.

I'll get Harveyon the phone.

That's a good idea, Lisa.

Would you like
something to eat, ma'am?

Why not try one of these?

They're very good.
I just had one.

You might as well
take a handful, lady.

Supper ain't gonna be ready
for at least a half-hour.

I don't know how
you can fill up
on these tiny sandwiches.

Would you like
to have one?

No, thank you. No, thank you.

Phone call for
Mr. Harvey Miller, Jr.

Oh, that's me.
Would you please
pass these around?

Uh, thank you.
And, uh, watch
the man with the beard.

He's already had seconds.

Push the celery.
We can't get rid of it.Oh.

You can't use that phone.

Hello? It works.

Hello, Lisa! How are you?

Uh, y-you'll have to talka little
louder, sweetheart,

we're having a party here.

Mr. Spezzato's here
and he's worrying
about his money.

He wants either his $500or the
restaurant.

Hello, Mr. Spezzato?

Oh, Joe's a cinch.
It's in the bag.

Oh, yes, sir,
he's in great shape.

Would you give me that phone?

Lisa,

this phone call is SWAK.

SWAK?

S-W-A-K.

Sealed with a kiss.Oh.

Here, give me that.

Take this and
get in there with it.

You're nasty.

Cheers.

Just 68-and-a-half more hours
before a certain tournament.

I... I'll take this
glass for you, sir.

What's that look like,a finger bowl?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I thought it was empty.

I... I'll get you
a fresh finger bowl.

The heat's on.Shut it off.

Uh, how about
a sandwich, sir?

It'll be much better
for you than a drink.

Uh, vitamins, you know.I'd much rather
have a drink.

Uh, uh, we're all
out of gin, sir.

Oh, that's impossible.
There's plenty.

Oh, what do you...
Yes, we're...

Is that boy one of
our regular servants?

He's my caddy, Mr. Taylor.

Kathy gave him
a temporary job.

TAYLOR: Caddy?

Oh, you're the lad
who won the tournament
at Santa Barbara.

Grace told me all about you.

TAYLOR: Here's luck.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Your glass is empty.

GRACE: I'll send Charles.

You better leave
the whole tray here, Charles.

Been off my game
for quite a while now.

Shooting in the 90's.

Oh, uh,
will you have a cigarette?

Thank you.Uh, here's a light.

I filled this glass,
didn't I, Kathy?

Yes, you did.

I put the tray
down there, didn't I?

Mmm-hmm. Yes, you did.

Oh, I'll take that, Jane.Very well.

Seafood, madam?Hey, Charlie.

You idiot! You...

I'm freezing.

Keep cool!

Oh, you, you clumsy,
clumsy boy.

Oh, you kill me.I love that... With the
tray.

Oh, not that face.Harvey.

Harvey, get out of here.
You're drunk.

That's funny, Joe.

Every time
you start to drink,

you think
everybody else is drunk.

If you'd have gone
to San Francisco
like I told you to,

this wouldn't
have happened to me.

Well, I'll apologize
to everybody.

I know I embarrassed you.

You certainly did.

Well, tell them all
I'm not a servant.

I'm your friend, Joe.
I... I... I'm your pal.

I'm gonna be
your brother-in-law.

Brother-in-law?Naturally.

That's why I wanna
protect him.

That's why I want him
to win the tournament,
naturally.

For Lisa's sake.Lisa?

Naturally.
Oh, boy, Joe.

Lisa called
on the telephone,

and she sent you her love.

I spoke out of turn?Just in time.

Charles...
Charles, announce dinner
at once, please.

Dinner is served.

Oh, I hope
they have frankfurters.
I'm gonna take care of...

Dinner is served.
Hurry up, everybody!Oh, no. Oh, no.

Come on,
it's gonna get cold.
Hurry up.

Last one in's
a rotten egg.

I can't have this.Come on.

Everything's gonna
get cold and you won't
have nothing to eat.

What am I going to do?Everybody hurry!

Oh, there goes my job.Hello, Charlie.

Will you get out of here?

Now, come on,
get out of here.

Really.

Oh.Look, honey.

I told him
not to come up here.

Harvey's got things
all mixed up.

He's going to beyour
brother-in-law,isn't he?

Well, sure.

And Lisa is going to be
the blushing bride?

Yes, but you don't...

He doesn't have thingsmixed up as faras
I'm concerned.

Your faith in me
is very touching. Thanks.

Oh.

Come in, Joe.

Harvey?

Oh, Miss Taylor, hello.

Oh, you shouldn't
have done it.

Take this.Thank you.

And then this.

Ah, thank you.What's all this?

Oh, I've caused youenough trouble, Miss
Taylor.

Oh, well, it's not
your fault, Harvey.

I hope that Joe and Lisa
will be very happy together.

Oh, they will be.
She likes him.

"It's always,""My big brother this,""and
""My big brother that."""

Well, I've never thought of
him as the big brother type.

Well, you would
if you were his
sister, like Lisa.

Her sister?
Joe's her sister?

No, Joe's her brother.You're all
confused,Miss Taylor.

Oh, my dear brother-in-law.

Charles? Where's Mr. Anthony?

Oh, are you sure?

Thank you.

Joe's gone.

Joe's gone?

Yes.He can't be.

What about the tournament?What are we
gonna do?

I'll help you
find him, Harvey.

But then it's every man
for himself.

Thanks. You heading
for San Francisco?

Your name Joe Anthony?Yeah, what's
wrong?

Let's take a look
at that bag.

Hey, what are you doing?
That's mine.

"Inverness Open Tournaments.
Winner: Harvey Miller, Sr."

I thought
your name was Anthony.

It is.That cup was given to me.

This is my bagand these are my clothes.

This isn't my cap.

We can see that.
Come on, get in.

Oh, do come in, please.

Well, here he is, miss.
We found him.

He had Mr. Miller's
suitcase, all right.

Ah, yes, mmm-hmm.

Kathy, will you
tell them the truth?

I think you gentlemenhad better speakto
Cousin Harvey.

Cousin Harvey?

Yes, Kathy, darling.
Coming, my dear.

Oh, visitors. Very nice.

Scotland Yard.

I see you've collared
the crazy kid.

Splendid. Splendid.

Good heavens.
It's Joe, the gardener.

Sorry to disturb you,
Mr. Miller,

but he tried to tell us
it was his bag.

Ridiculous, ridiculous.

Watch him. Watch him.

Oh, he's not a
bad boy, Officer.

He's just mischievous.

I don't think Cousin Harveywants to
prosecute,

do you, Cousin Harvey?

As long as he doesn't
give me any trouble.

I'll give you plenty.

You got your gun?
Keep your eye on him.

You'd better behave
yourself, young man,

or these nice police officers
will throw you in the pokey.

You can run along,
gentlemen.

Leave him here
and I'll give him
a stern talking to.

Well, I don't know...It's all right,
and, uh,

send me a dozen tickets
to the Policemen's Ball.

Thank you, Mr. Miller.

That's all right.
Bully, bully.

Splendid.

Help!

What is it?What's wrong?

Good evening.

Make that, uh,
two dozen tickets.

Thank you, sir.That's all right.
Goodnight.

OFFICER: Goodnight.

Joe, if you couldonly see your face.

Very funny.

Now that you've had
your fun, can I go?

Wait, Joe.
Everything's straight.

Kathy knows it's me
Lisa was gonna marry
and not you.

Everybody's happy.
I'll get your clubs.

I'm very sorry.It was justa
misunderstanding.

Oh, sure.You'll need these.

What good are they gonna
do me on a fishing boat?

Oh, but I didn't
tell you the bad news.

No, you didn't.

About Mr. Spezzato.
He's gonna take
Mama's restaurant

and Papa's boat away,
if they don't pay him
the $500.

We gotta win the $10,000.

I'll get it.

Wait, Joe. We're a team.

We were a team.

And you stay away from me.

Joe.

I thought it took
at least two
to make a team.

That's what I thought.

Do you break up a team
by just walking out?

I'm very sorry, Harvey.

Well, if it isn't
the little hitchhiker.

OFFICER: So you're
stealing golf bags now.

Oh, no, not again.All right, Sticky
Fingers.

SCOTTY: Ladies and gentlemen,

I welcome you to the Monterey
Invitational Tournament.

I don't see him
anywhere, Harvey.

Leading off
from the first foursome,

the winner of the first
Los Angeles Open Tournament,

Light Horse Harry Cooper.

SCOTTY: Urgent message
for Miss Kathy Taylor.

Miss Kathy Taylor,
report to the
clubhouse telephone.

Miss Taylor?Yes, I am.

Telephone.

Hello. Yes,
I'm Kathy Taylor.

You're Kathy Taylor,
I'm Joe Anthony
and I'm in jail.

Joe!Joe?

He's in jail.Oh. Jail!

Oh, J-Joe, Joe! Oh!

Quiet, please!

Now, listen, if this is
another one of your gags,
it isn't funny.

Tell it to them.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, I see.
Well, I'm sorry.

He's sorry.

Well, hurry.
They can get him here
in 15 minutes.

Oh, he tees off
in the next foursome.

He can't possibly make it.He'll be
disqualified.

Disqualified?

SCOTTY: On the tee,

Slammin' Sammy Snead!

On the tee...

If we could
only do something
to delay them.

SCOTTY: Jimmy Thomson.

What if I fainted
or had a spell
right on the tee?

Oh, no, that's no good.

Y-You don't knowprofessional golfers.

They're like killers.They'd playright
over your body.

That gives me an idea.

Hey, mister. Excuse me, sir.

Mr. Thomson,
is this your ball?

Yeah.

It's undersized.
Against regulations.

It couldn't be.
I just bought it inside.

Oh.

Uh, do you have a knife?No.

No. How about you?
Do you have a knife?

Yeah.M-May I borrow it?

Could... could you open it,
please. Uh, just open it.

I'd like to examine it.
Thank you very much.

It's getting late, isn't it?

.3962. Perfect.
Here you are, Mr. Thomson.

Hit away.

Is he with you?I thought he was with
you.

Who are you with?Oh, I'm with you.

Get off the tee!

Ball, please.

No funny stuff
while I drive, please.

Certainly not,
Ben, certainly not.

On the tee, Bantam Ben Hogan.

Here he is, Miss Taylor.Thank you.

Oh, Joe,
I'm so glad you're fine.

It all right if
I take my clubs now?

Sure.On the tee,

Joe Anthony
from San Francisco.

I'm Joe Anthony.You're just in time.

You're on the tee right now.Can I have a
caddy?

Well, I'm sure
there's been one
assigned to you.

Hello.Look, I don't want...

He doesn't want
to delay the game
any longer,

so we'll tee off
in just a minute.

Would you excuse us, please?
W-We have work to do.

Would you, please?

Thank you very much.Look, Harvey, will
you...

Uh, yes, I've beenexamining the course,
sir.

Yes, sir, and thisis a very narrow hole,

and I suggest we startwith the 3-wood.

Give me the driver.All right, here you
are.

Oh, I'm sorry,it was your washfrom the
motel.

I had nowhere to put it.Give me a ball,
Harvey.

No ball.

Why don't you
try your pocket?

Oh, here you are.
Sorry, Joe.

Be quiet.
This is not funny.

HARVEY: That's an 8-iron, Joe.

JOE: I don't want the 8-iron.

KATHY: You better
listen to him, Joe.

Will you give methe 6-iron?

Harvey, this is the 8-iron.

That's the club
you should use!

Give me the 6-iron!

Joe,
that's the wrong club, Joe.

That is not the right...One more
disturbance,Mr. Anthony,

and I'll be forced
to disqualify you.

I'm sorry, sir.
It was all my fault.

I won't make
any more noise.

Well, see that you don't.

It's Fisherman's Wharf!
They brought everything
but the dock.

$10,000. Psst!

Look, Mama,there's Harvey and Joe.Wave
to them.

Joe, we've come all the way
from San Francisco
to see you win.

Pop, why did you drive
on the golf course?

I see big sign
on the house.

"It says, ""Driving Range."""
So I drive in.

Anthony, I warned you.You're
disqualified!

Oh, no, wait, please.
Joe's gotta play,
or we'll lose the Mama Mia,

and Mama Anthony's
restaurant.
You can't disqualify Joe.

You cannot throw my Joe
out of the game.

They're not gonna
play without Joe.

Come on. We'll move
the trucks out ourselves.

You no move nothing!
We wanna see our Joe play!

Harry, call the police.

All right,
call the police, big shot.

Now, you get off the course.Hey, don't
you push me.

You're not gonna
let them disqualify Joe,
are you, Mr. Hogan?

Well, I'm sorry,that's up to the
officials.

Oh. Well,
if Joe's not gonna play,

nobody's gonna play.
Come on, Mama.

Look, we've had
just about enough...

Don't you hit Harvey!

Lady, please.

Mama, let's go in the car.But, where's
Papa?

Papa! Papa!

This ain't funny.

You're crazy to waste
your time playing golf.

We've had just
about enough...

You know, you guys
could have a great future
in show business.

Show business?Come on!

Here, take my card,
look me up.

All right, come on.
Let's get out of here.

Joe.

Joe, I did it!

Joe, I ain't scared of people.I did it,
Joe.

Officers, it was those two.

I...Come on!

I ain't scared.They did this!

Hang on, Joe. Hang on!

They kill me.

BOTH: ♪ Oh,
I like the way I'm feeling
with the one that I adore

♪ Yes,
I like this funny feeling
that I've never felt before

♪ But if you
should say you like it
then I'd like it even more

♪ There's so many,
many little likes
I'm always dreaming of

♪ And it takes
a lot of little likes

♪ To make one

♪ Big love

BOTH: ♪ What would I do
without you
what would I do, boy

♪ What would I do without you
what would I do

♪ I need a partner,
you're the one

♪ I'll be right there
when the show goes on

♪ I'm for you ♪ I'm for you

BOTH: ♪ From California
to Kalamazoo

♪ What would I do without you
when you're gone

♪ When you're gone,
when you're gone

♪ Oh, what would I do without
you what would I do ♪

Let's... let's hurry, boys.

Ten minutes before
the train comes.
Go up and change.

LORELEI: I've got my story.

Oh, that's swell.
Thank you. Bye.

Goodbye, everyone.

EDDIE: Let's go,
fellows, train time.

You can pick upyour keys at the desk.

You got a tough actto follow.

HARVEY: Hurry, Joe,we haven't got much
time.We'll miss the train.

Lisa and Kathy'llmeet us backstage.What
are your names?

I'm Dean Martin.And I'm Jerry Lewis.
Martin and Lewis.

JOE: Here, close the door.I'm in my
birthday suit.

What's the matter with him?I don't know.

You were wonderful.I was?

Well, how about me?

So were you, Joe.You were marvelous.

Joe?That's me.

Harvey?That's me.

How lucky can two guys get?

Yeah, we got it real bad,
ain't we, Dean?

Yeah, Jer.