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1
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♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪
2
00:00:02,375 --> 00:00:04,245
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪
3
00:00:04,333 --> 00:00:05,633
♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪
4
00:00:05,709 --> 00:00:07,419
♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,790
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
6
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:10,125
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪
7
00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,708
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪
8
00:00:11,792 --> 00:00:14,132
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪
9
00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:16,538
♪ I have buried a bone
For the last time ♪
10
00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,285
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪
11
00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
12
00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,169
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
13
00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:22,580
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
14
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,167
♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪
15
00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:26,670
♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪
16
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,670
♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪
17
00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:30,920
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?
18
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,420
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
19
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,040
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
20
00:00:35,125 --> 00:00:36,705
I hate dogs.
21
00:00:36,792 --> 00:00:39,672
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
22
00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:41,420
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
23
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,420
I do not wish to be a dog.
24
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,080
♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪
25
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,456
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
26
00:00:47,542 --> 00:00:49,082
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
27
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206
♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪
28
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131
Yes!
29
00:01:09,041 --> 00:01:09,881
[children talking]
30
00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:14,880
So, please be a friend
to your friend Mr. Earth...
31
00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:15,999
[clock ticking]
32
00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:17,957
And reduce, reuse, and recycle--
33
00:01:18,917 --> 00:01:21,207
aluminum, paper, cardboard,
plastics--one and two--
34
00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:22,791
even old motor oil in some areas!
35
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,875
[bell rings, children cheer]
36
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:27,710
Have a green weekend!
37
00:01:27,792 --> 00:01:28,582
Oh, Scott and Leonard...
38
00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:30,996
Oh, we were this close.
39
00:01:31,083 --> 00:01:33,503
Would you boys be a couple
of planet-saving superheroes
40
00:01:33,583 --> 00:01:35,883
and separate all this trash
into the recycling bins?
41
00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,379
Mom, we got to get ready.
42
00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:40,498
Tonight's the big laser tag tournament
43
00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:41,753
and pizza party at the mall.
44
00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:45,254
Oh, right. Laser tag and pizza. Mm-hmm.
45
00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:47,543
I guess that's a lot more important
46
00:01:47,625 --> 00:01:49,375
than this big blue marble
we all live on.
47
00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:54,455
Man, sometimes the earth
really bugs me big time.
48
00:01:54,542 --> 00:01:55,712
Oh, chill, buddy.
49
00:01:55,792 --> 00:01:57,002
We'll just power through this garbage
50
00:01:57,792 --> 00:02:01,422
and be on our merry way
to the Laser Tag Pizzaporium.
51
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:03,790
Just think--my first laser.
My first tag.
52
00:02:03,875 --> 00:02:07,785
My first pizza that somebody
didn't drop on the floor first.
53
00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:10,495
Ew. This is nose related,
54
00:02:10,583 --> 00:02:12,083
but still recyclable.
55
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,916
Mrs. Helperman?
A word if I may.
56
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,460
Tallu, darling,
57
00:02:15,542 --> 00:02:17,422
play with the boys for a minute.
58
00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:18,789
[hisses]
59
00:02:20,417 --> 00:02:23,917
Why is it that every time
we walk into this classroom,
60
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,290
Tallulah acts like she's just seen a dog?
61
00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:27,577
Um, well, perhaps it's this.
62
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:30,083
Ruff!
63
00:02:33,208 --> 00:02:34,708
Could be.
64
00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:39,132
Cats are magnificent creatures,
but easily confused.
65
00:02:39,208 --> 00:02:40,078
[growls]
66
00:02:41,125 --> 00:02:43,625
Anywho, Mrs. Helperman, I need a favor.
67
00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:46,079
Tonight begins the annual
principal's convention
68
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,036
down in Southwest East Westland.
69
00:02:48,125 --> 00:02:50,955
I had my mother all set
to take care of Tallulah,
70
00:02:51,041 --> 00:02:53,541
but she won 100 bucks
at bingo last night,
71
00:02:53,625 --> 00:02:54,665
decided she was on a lucky streak,
72
00:02:55,917 --> 00:02:56,827
and headed out for Lost Wages
73
00:02:57,917 --> 00:03:02,377
to, uh, parlay her c-note
into a new mobile home.
74
00:03:02,458 --> 00:03:04,828
Oh, um, well, I was planning to--
75
00:03:04,917 --> 00:03:06,827
oh, this sounds so selfish--
76
00:03:06,917 --> 00:03:09,497
buy groceries, vacuum,
and make the beds tonight,
77
00:03:09,583 --> 00:03:11,923
but you're a friend in need,
Principal Strickler,
78
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,500
so what the hay.
79
00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:16,083
I'd be pleased to pamper
your pretty pink pussycat.
80
00:03:16,166 --> 00:03:17,666
Did you hear what she just said?
81
00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:19,883
What--pretty pink pussycat?
82
00:03:19,959 --> 00:03:22,499
Don't get us off on that
super stupid sidetrack.
83
00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:24,883
Stupor scupid stidesack.
Pooper scooper tie rack.
84
00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:28,039
She said Tallulah Strickler
85
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,955
could stay at our house tonight.
86
00:03:30,041 --> 00:03:34,001
-So?
-Hola? Hola?
87
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,503
Maybe we should rent this space.
88
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:39,213
There seems to be a vacancy.
89
00:03:39,291 --> 00:03:42,331
That cat already suspects
that I, the boy Scott,
90
00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:44,577
am not who nor what I appear to be.
91
00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:46,497
No biggie. We'll hide
all your Scott stuff,
92
00:03:46,583 --> 00:03:48,753
and you can just be Spot the dog
the whole time she's there.
93
00:03:48,834 --> 00:03:51,384
What about my first ever laser tag
94
00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:52,878
and pizza party at the mall?
95
00:03:52,959 --> 00:03:55,919
I don't know, I guess you'll just have to
skip it and stay home and be a dog.
96
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,130
What? I see what this is all about.
97
00:03:59,208 --> 00:04:02,918
You're afraid I'm going
to cream you at laser tag
98
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,420
and afterwards snag all the pepperonis.
99
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,790
Well, now I most definitely will,
100
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:09,955
Leonard Helperman,
101
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,461
just to teach you
a life lesson about trust,
102
00:04:13,542 --> 00:04:15,132
as soon as I figure out
103
00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:17,378
a wily, weasely way to win my way away.
104
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:21,038
Wheely wisely wee to whoo my why whoo.
105
00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:23,825
Ooh, wow-wee, wow, wow, wow.
106
00:04:23,917 --> 00:04:26,207
Gee. I sure hope it's easier to do
107
00:04:26,291 --> 00:04:29,001
than it is to say.
108
00:04:29,083 --> 00:04:30,673
[Scott] Gentlemen--
109
00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:32,960
there's a cat a-coming, men.
110
00:04:33,041 --> 00:04:35,961
A bigger badder cat than you
ever thought you'd meet
111
00:04:36,041 --> 00:04:39,881
in this miserable little thing
you call your lives.
112
00:04:39,959 --> 00:04:42,789
Now, here's the plan.
113
00:04:45,375 --> 00:04:46,375
Any questions?
114
00:04:46,458 --> 00:04:48,208
[all] Uh...
115
00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:52,291
I was afraid of that.
Plan "B".
116
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,205
[all] Oh.
117
00:04:54,291 --> 00:05:00,171
[doorbell rings]
118
00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:05,540
We have met the enemy, and he is her.
119
00:05:05,625 --> 00:05:07,705
Come on in. Wipe your feet.
120
00:05:07,792 --> 00:05:08,832
As you know, I won't be vacuuming tonight.
121
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,127
No guilt.
122
00:05:10,208 --> 00:05:13,828
It's just an overnighter,
so I packed light.
123
00:05:13,917 --> 00:05:16,957
Now here are a few instructions
for Tallulah's general care,
124
00:05:17,041 --> 00:05:19,081
emergency contacts,
125
00:05:19,166 --> 00:05:21,536
and lactose-free recipes.
126
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:24,455
She gets a little irky.
127
00:05:24,542 --> 00:05:27,082
You needn't worry about
Miss Tallulah one little bit,
128
00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:28,076
Principal Strickler.
129
00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:29,576
I know all about cats.
I've got one of my own.
130
00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:32,419
Mr. Jolly...
131
00:05:34,583 --> 00:05:36,883
Come say hi-de-ho
to your new friend Tallulah.
132
00:05:36,959 --> 00:05:39,959
[sniffs]
133
00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:43,381
[meows]
134
00:05:43,458 --> 00:05:48,078
I think I just met
the future Mrs. Jolly.
135
00:05:48,166 --> 00:05:51,076
[purring]
136
00:05:51,166 --> 00:05:54,456
It's so hard to leave
my little ball of sugar fur.
137
00:05:54,542 --> 00:05:59,922
Adieu, Tallu, adieu.
138
00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:02,709
[clears throat]
139
00:06:02,792 --> 00:06:05,502
Be a good cat.
140
00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:07,791
Meow.
141
00:06:07,875 --> 00:06:11,125
Oh.
142
00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:22,834
Tallulah!
143
00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:24,917
Oh, my granny's baked beans,
what's going on?
144
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,080
No!
145
00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:29,036
Well, they're only drapes--
146
00:06:29,125 --> 00:06:30,785
brand-new, custom-made, designer drapes
147
00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:33,165
that cost four months
of a teacher's salary,
148
00:06:33,250 --> 00:06:36,210
but it's not like they're
spun from gold or anything.
149
00:06:36,291 --> 00:06:37,831
[glass breaks]
150
00:06:37,917 --> 00:06:40,827
Oh, for Pete's potpie, what now?
151
00:06:42,291 --> 00:06:43,961
I'll save you, Pretty Boy.
152
00:06:44,041 --> 00:06:45,331
Leonard Helperman,
153
00:06:45,417 --> 00:06:47,747
you get down from there this very instant!
154
00:06:47,834 --> 00:06:51,134
Just a sec, Mom. I almost got--whoa!
155
00:06:51,208 --> 00:06:53,998
Oh!
156
00:06:54,083 --> 00:06:55,293
Not fair.
157
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:56,995
That darn cat wrecks our house,
158
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,793
tries to eat our bird, ruins everything,
159
00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:01,125
and you're the one
160
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:02,958
who has to get chained up outside?
161
00:07:03,041 --> 00:07:04,961
Look at the cup as half full.
162
00:07:05,041 --> 00:07:06,961
What your mom didn't realize
163
00:07:07,041 --> 00:07:09,331
when she ordered you
to tether me to a post
164
00:07:09,417 --> 00:07:11,377
like some common unhousebroken cur
165
00:07:11,458 --> 00:07:12,788
was that she was actually playing
166
00:07:12,875 --> 00:07:14,495
right into my get-Spot-out-of-the-house-
167
00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:15,883
so-Scott-can-go-to-the-laser-tag-
168
00:07:15,959 --> 00:07:18,379
and-pepperoni-pizza-party-
at-the-mall-tonight plan.
169
00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:21,328
The name of that plan
keeps growing, doesn't it?
170
00:07:21,417 --> 00:07:24,247
Yeah, Bunky, like my score at laser tag
171
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:26,423
when I beat your pants off.
172
00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:28,670
That cat is evil.
She's not right, I tell you.
173
00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:32,380
Oh, bah, She's just high-spirited
and full of life.
174
00:07:32,458 --> 00:07:34,378
Oh, I hope this leaves a scar.
175
00:07:34,458 --> 00:07:37,498
It'll make such a cute story
to tell our grandkittens.
176
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,173
What's the matter with you?
177
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:43,580
You're acting like you never saw
a girl cat before in all your life.
178
00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:45,167
Well, tie me down
179
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,920
and hit me with a bag of birdseed.
180
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,170
It's true, ain't it?
181
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:52,420
Until today, my bowl, my box,
and my television set
182
00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:54,790
were plenty enough of a life for me--
183
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,205
until today...
184
00:07:57,625 --> 00:08:01,165
But, suddenly,
everything has changed.
185
00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:05,000
Suddenly, I want to see Niagara Falls.
186
00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:06,253
Oy!
187
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:08,633
They could've brought home
a sweet little parakeet
188
00:08:08,709 --> 00:08:11,249
from the animal shelter
five years ago, but, no--
189
00:08:11,333 --> 00:08:13,923
a big, fat, neurotic orange cat!
190
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,330
That's what this dump needed!
191
00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:19,833
We'll see who's going
192
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:23,497
to beat whose pants off at laser tag.
193
00:08:26,625 --> 00:08:28,245
Oh, uh, this?
194
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:31,793
These are, uh, oh, my clothes.
195
00:08:31,875 --> 00:08:33,995
Yeah, yeah, that's it. They're my clothes.
196
00:08:34,083 --> 00:08:36,173
Yeah, you know, uh, boys wear clothes.
197
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:39,920
You don't wear clothes
because you're a pet.
198
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,130
None of my pets wear clothes.
199
00:08:42,208 --> 00:08:44,918
What a funny idea. Ha ha ha ha ha.
200
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,330
Well, I guess I'll just go take my clothes
201
00:08:48,417 --> 00:08:52,127
and go put them back in my room.
202
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,210
Step on it, Leonard.
203
00:08:54,291 --> 00:08:56,041
This is half a day in dog years.
204
00:08:56,125 --> 00:08:58,035
He'll be here any second.
205
00:08:59,291 --> 00:09:02,541
Any second now.
206
00:09:05,583 --> 00:09:07,543
First she's in the living room.
207
00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:10,455
So, okay, I thought--
I'll try the kitchen,
208
00:09:10,542 --> 00:09:12,582
but then guess who comes strolling out
209
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:14,787
from behind the refrigerator.
210
00:09:14,875 --> 00:09:17,915
All right, I'll just climb
out the bathroom window.
211
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,330
Out of the corner of my eye
212
00:09:20,417 --> 00:09:21,917
I see my mom's bathrobe start moving.
213
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,460
Then, suddenly, the bathrobe has a tail,
214
00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:26,542
and sure enough, it's her.
215
00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:29,165
I'm telling you, spot, there's a million
of her. She's everywhere.
216
00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:30,540
Look-- there she is!
217
00:09:30,625 --> 00:09:32,955
Cut it out. That's not funny.
218
00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:34,751
No, really-- there she is!
219
00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:37,754
Quick-- pretend I'm a dog.
Scratch me behind the ear
220
00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:40,754
and give me a few of those
really long pets, you know?
221
00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:43,714
Where you start at my head
and go down to my tail?
222
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:47,462
I know how to pet a dog.
I've had three of them.
223
00:09:47,542 --> 00:09:49,172
-You what?
-Nothing.
224
00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:51,290
-You said something.
-No, I didn't.
225
00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:52,705
There were dogs before me?
226
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:53,832
Maybe.
227
00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:55,827
There were or there weren't.
228
00:09:55,917 --> 00:09:57,377
I barely remember...
229
00:09:57,458 --> 00:09:58,458
Their names?
230
00:09:58,542 --> 00:10:01,382
Lovey Bear and Buddly Buns.
231
00:10:01,458 --> 00:10:04,628
Mm-hmm. Lovey Bear and Cuddly Buns.
232
00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:06,579
I see. Fine.
233
00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:09,827
Let's speak of them no more.
234
00:10:09,917 --> 00:10:10,917
Were they softer than me?
235
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,920
Cuter, sweeter, more lovable?
236
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,920
Could they multiple 3-digit numbers
237
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,540
and recite the periodic table
of the elements?
238
00:10:17,625 --> 00:10:19,915
I don't remember. I don't think so.
239
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,920
I don't think so either!
240
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,540
Fine, fine. We'll speak of them no more.
241
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:29,075
Just leave me here chained like a dog--
242
00:10:29,166 --> 00:10:31,076
one of three,
243
00:10:31,166 --> 00:10:35,956
the other two of whom
we shall speak no more.
244
00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:39,001
Oh, um, Tallulah's just fine,
Principal Strickler.
245
00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:41,713
Not a-a strand of fur out of place.
246
00:10:41,792 --> 00:10:43,712
[Principal Strickler]
Put her on the phone.
247
00:10:43,792 --> 00:10:46,542
I need to hear her purr.
248
00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:49,875
Well, she just started a nap.
249
00:10:49,959 --> 00:10:51,709
About time.
250
00:10:51,792 --> 00:10:54,172
Must be exhausted
from destroying my house.
251
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:56,330
I can't hear you, Mrs. Helperman.
252
00:10:56,417 --> 00:11:00,417
Our, uh, keynote speaker
on the topic of, uh,
253
00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:03,000
the importance of elementary
school principaling
254
00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:07,923
in the new millennium
is, uh, talking too loudly.
255
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,250
Got to go now.
256
00:11:09,333 --> 00:11:11,883
[singing conga music]
257
00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:17,417
[snoring]
258
00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:20,877
Keep watch, Major Jolly,
259
00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:22,579
and be prepared to deploy
a technical diversion
260
00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:24,417
in the event of any
significant enemy movement.
261
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,460
Excusez-moi?
262
00:11:26,542 --> 00:11:28,882
Keep the cat busy if she wakes up.
263
00:11:28,959 --> 00:11:32,209
Ooh. Aye-aye, sir.
I mean, hup, 2, 3, 4.
264
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:34,921
I mean-- I don't know war talk.
265
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,830
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
266
00:11:36,917 --> 00:11:40,037
Where are you going, lambchop?
267
00:11:40,125 --> 00:11:41,825
Um, nowhere. The mall--
268
00:11:41,917 --> 00:11:43,997
you know, laser tag, pizza.
269
00:11:44,083 --> 00:11:45,543
Just me, not Scott.
270
00:11:45,625 --> 00:11:48,035
I mean, not his stuff.
Why would I have his stuff?
271
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,125
Oh, Lenny, I know
how much you boys wanted
272
00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:52,498
to go to that party,
but I just can't get away
273
00:11:52,583 --> 00:11:54,583
to drive you over there tonight, sweetie.
274
00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:57,287
I promised Principal Strickler
I'd look after Tallulah.
275
00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,165
And right now it's time to serve
276
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,710
her fresh alpine mountain spring water
277
00:12:01,792 --> 00:12:04,252
in a cut crystal dish
and an Irish linen doily.
278
00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:06,713
Oh, dear, it appears her little claws
279
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,212
have shredded the linen doilies
280
00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:11,081
that were the only things
my great-grandparents
281
00:12:11,166 --> 00:12:13,036
brought over on the boat from Dublin
282
00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:15,665
besides the bedspread,
but who cares about that?
283
00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:17,670
Because I've been so busy
catering to her
284
00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:19,920
I haven't even had
the time to make my bed!
285
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,080
So, I guess we're not going?
286
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,133
Uh, uh, three words.
287
00:12:32,208 --> 00:12:34,328
First word--one syllable.
288
00:12:34,417 --> 00:12:38,537
Sounds like tree. Me? He? Thee?
289
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,455
No. Oh... We?
290
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,002
We? We?
291
00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:44,583
Second word-- sounds like pant.
292
00:12:44,667 --> 00:12:46,077
Rant? Slant?
293
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,076
Can!
294
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:49,666
We can't... What?
295
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:51,250
We can't what?
296
00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:53,383
We can't go!
297
00:12:53,458 --> 00:12:56,208
All right, I got it!
298
00:12:56,291 --> 00:12:59,831
Oh, we can't go.
299
00:12:59,917 --> 00:13:03,497
[thunder crashes]
300
00:13:07,208 --> 00:13:09,128
Great.
301
00:13:09,208 --> 00:13:11,788
Somerset Maughm couldn't
have written it better.
302
00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,213
Are you watching me?
303
00:13:16,291 --> 00:13:19,041
Don't watch me, 'cause
I'm watching you watching me,
304
00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:20,665
so you better watch it!
305
00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:22,880
How can I tell her I love her
306
00:13:22,959 --> 00:13:25,919
if I'm afraid even to speak to her?
307
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,500
Perhaps if I composed something--a poem.
308
00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:31,293
No! Too staid, too artificial.
309
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:34,125
Doesn't reveal the inner me.
310
00:13:34,208 --> 00:13:35,958
I know!
311
00:13:36,041 --> 00:13:38,251
I'll rap!
312
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:39,833
[rap music playing]
313
00:13:39,917 --> 00:13:42,037
[record scratching]
314
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,825
♪ Tallulah, you are my ruler ♪
315
00:13:43,917 --> 00:13:45,827
♪ I'm just a fool-ah for you-la ♪
316
00:13:45,917 --> 00:13:46,957
♪ Tallulah ♪
317
00:13:47,041 --> 00:13:48,501
♪ Makes you do the hula ♪
318
00:13:48,583 --> 00:13:50,753
♪ Tallulah, spend all my moolah ♪
319
00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:53,084
♪ At the jeweler to buy you-la ♪
320
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,206
♪ Something cool-ah--
It'll make you drool-ah ♪
321
00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:56,751
♪ Tallulah ♪
322
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:59,214
Yo, yo, yo,
this is Jolly-o,
323
00:13:59,291 --> 00:14:03,581
furry Jade,
in-the-house cat of love!
324
00:14:03,667 --> 00:14:06,287
What if she's not into rap?
325
00:14:06,375 --> 00:14:08,325
Oh, sigh.
326
00:14:08,417 --> 00:14:10,037
I can't take the chance.
327
00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:13,075
Did I ever show you this one?
328
00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,786
-Cool.
-Oh, honey, come on, give us a smile.
329
00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:19,577
Why do people do this, Mom?
330
00:14:19,667 --> 00:14:21,577
Why do we turn our whole house
331
00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:23,577
and our lives and our pets' lives
332
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,577
all upside down just to help a cat
333
00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:28,127
who isn't even going
to appreciate it anyway?
334
00:14:28,208 --> 00:14:30,378
Well, honey, sometimes we do things
335
00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:32,328
that may inconvenience us
336
00:14:32,417 --> 00:14:34,787
because it's good to help people.
337
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:35,995
It's like planting a little seed.
338
00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:39,133
They may not thank you
right away-- or ever.
339
00:14:39,208 --> 00:14:42,038
-The seed?
-No, no, the person you help.
340
00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:43,165
But because of your good deed,
341
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,460
someday they'll be
a great, big apple tree.
342
00:14:45,542 --> 00:14:47,042
The person you help?
343
00:14:47,125 --> 00:14:50,205
No, the seed is the--oh, I don't know.
344
00:14:50,291 --> 00:14:52,251
All I know is it's time to poach
345
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,213
Tallulah's three free-range
chicken egg whites--
346
00:14:54,291 --> 00:14:55,831
no, yolk, no shell, lightly salted,
347
00:14:55,917 --> 00:14:57,287
and served at room temperature.
348
00:14:57,375 --> 00:14:59,205
So help me golly, I'd just like to pinch
349
00:14:59,291 --> 00:15:00,291
her twitchy little whiskers!
350
00:15:00,375 --> 00:15:01,875
You didn't just hear Mommy say that.
351
00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:04,209
Mom, I've never seen you like this.
352
00:15:04,291 --> 00:15:06,631
You're like--like a real person
353
00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:09,539
with feelings and everything.
354
00:15:09,625 --> 00:15:13,035
Ooh. There, it's passed. Ha ha. Oh...
355
00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:15,415
Tallulah can have her egg whites later.
356
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:18,540
Right now I'm gonna drive you to the mall.
357
00:15:18,625 --> 00:15:21,035
We'll stop and pick up
your friend Scott on the way.
358
00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:22,495
Huh? Uh...
359
00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:25,083
Oh, hey, look,
I see him outside right now.
360
00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:26,786
I'll just go meet him by the doghouse
361
00:15:26,875 --> 00:15:29,075
with these clothes
and glasses he left here.
362
00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:30,826
What's this?
363
00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:33,827
Don't ask. Just change
and meet us on the corner.
364
00:15:33,917 --> 00:15:35,997
I'll be in the car with my mom.
365
00:15:36,083 --> 00:15:38,003
♪ I am gonna laser ♪
366
00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:40,043
♪ I am gonna pizza ♪
367
00:15:40,125 --> 00:15:42,375
♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ♪
368
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,880
♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪
369
00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:46,879
[gulp]
370
00:15:46,959 --> 00:15:48,249
Well, well, well,
371
00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:50,253
what do we have here?
372
00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:55,043
What's the matter, pooch?
Have I got your tongue?
373
00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:56,876
Uh...
374
00:15:56,959 --> 00:15:59,249
Did someone let me out of the bag?
375
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,125
[trembling]
376
00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:02,788
Ah, look at him--
377
00:16:02,875 --> 00:16:05,785
shaking like a little puppy
on those boy pants of his.
378
00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:08,165
Well, you can quit faking it now.
379
00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:11,380
I've been watching you
since the moment I got here,
380
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:13,330
and I know everything.
381
00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:15,208
You do?
382
00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:18,251
You're not the dog
you pretend to be, are you?
383
00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:20,035
All right.
384
00:16:20,125 --> 00:16:22,915
You were bound to figure
it out sooner or later.
385
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,380
All this time I've been
masquerading as a...
386
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,710
As a happy-go-lucky little dog,
387
00:16:27,792 --> 00:16:30,292
when you're nothing more
than a scared, sad,
388
00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:32,745
forgotten pet in the rain, just like me.
389
00:16:32,834 --> 00:16:34,754
No, no, I'm a--
390
00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,884
I mean... You saw right through me.
391
00:16:37,959 --> 00:16:41,039
Oh, you're so brilliant, so perceptive.
392
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:44,625
I've always been an excellent
judge of character.
393
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:45,920
Really?
394
00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:48,671
So, uh, what do you think
of that new kid
395
00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:50,380
in the fourth grade--
396
00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:52,168
you know, Scott Leadready II?
397
00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:54,001
Who?
398
00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:56,043
You know, the really
smart, funny, popular one?
399
00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:57,416
You mean Jason?
400
00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,330
No, Scott-- glasses, little beanie.
401
00:16:59,417 --> 00:17:01,207
You always get your fur up around him.
402
00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:04,043
Oh, right, of course-- Ian.
403
00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:06,536
Ian? Have you lost your mind?
404
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:09,165
I'm talking about Scott! Scott! Scott!
405
00:17:09,291 --> 00:17:13,131
You know, an awful lot
of children go to that school.
406
00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:15,128
Now, if you'll excuse me,
407
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:18,998
I have to go see about
some poached egg whites.
408
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:22,075
Whew! Boy, I thought I was a goner there.
409
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:25,076
How could she not know Scott?
410
00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:33,293
Oh, the agony, the torture.
411
00:17:33,417 --> 00:17:35,997
Yeah, yeah. Well, just shut
your yap and I'll be fine.
412
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:37,833
Oh, you mean you.
413
00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:39,209
When I'm around her,
414
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:41,211
I do nothing but shut my yap,
415
00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:43,421
as you so eloquently put it.
416
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,960
Ooh, Pretty Boy, how will Tallulah
417
00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:48,793
ever know I love her if I can't find
418
00:17:48,875 --> 00:17:51,705
the courage to tell her how I feel?
419
00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:53,174
Unless...
420
00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:56,750
Unless there was someone
who would tell her for me,
421
00:17:56,834 --> 00:18:00,044
someone who never shuts his yap, hmm?
422
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:03,036
Me-- get within 5 feet
of that eating machine?
423
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,625
Oh, you're right. It's too much to ask.
424
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:06,999
[sobbing]
425
00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:10,133
All right, I'll tell her for you,
426
00:18:10,208 --> 00:18:11,958
but don't forget what kind of friend I am
427
00:18:12,041 --> 00:18:14,831
next time my birthday rolls around.
428
00:18:15,834 --> 00:18:17,834
See that cat over there? He likes you.
429
00:18:17,917 --> 00:18:20,747
You know what I mean-- likes you!
430
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:21,955
Not me, him! Him!
431
00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:25,289
All righty-rooni. Ready to go, boys?
432
00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:30,713
Are we sure Tallulah
won't do anything crazy
433
00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:32,252
while we're gone?
434
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:33,713
No, Leonard.
435
00:18:33,792 --> 00:18:36,212
I believe that underneath that vicious,
436
00:18:36,291 --> 00:18:39,081
destructive cat exterior beats the heart
437
00:18:39,166 --> 00:18:42,626
of a sad, scared, lonely little kitty.
438
00:18:43,375 --> 00:18:44,325
Aah!
439
00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:45,377
Uh-oh.
440
00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:51,917
He's a tough little bird. He'll be fine.
441
00:18:52,041 --> 00:18:53,251
You say something, Scott?
442
00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:55,955
I was just saying
you're all clear, Mrs. H.
443
00:18:56,041 --> 00:18:57,581
No one's behind us.
444
00:18:57,667 --> 00:19:00,287
You can pull out of the driveway now.
445
00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:05,923
Oh! Oh, why couldn't I have been looking
446
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,330
out the other window?
447
00:19:07,417 --> 00:19:10,377
Stop the car! We have to stay.
448
00:19:10,458 --> 00:19:13,128
Are you sure? You boys
were so looking forward
449
00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:15,328
to the big laser tag tournament
450
00:19:15,417 --> 00:19:17,037
and pepperoni pizza party.
451
00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:19,125
No, it's better to stay.
452
00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:22,538
This is what friends do for friends,
453
00:19:22,625 --> 00:19:27,575
even if it's really, really inconvenient.
454
00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,419
Let's speak of it no more.
455
00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:39,208
Oh, woo, woo, woo, my baby,
456
00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:40,963
my baby.
457
00:19:41,041 --> 00:19:42,541
You're a wreck!
458
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:44,125
What did you do,
459
00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:47,328
just leave her tied up
outside the whole time?
460
00:19:47,458 --> 00:19:49,378
Rest assured, Principal Strickler,
461
00:19:49,458 --> 00:19:52,458
mi casa was certainly her casa.
462
00:19:53,917 --> 00:19:55,537
Oh, my goodness.
463
00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:58,997
She's leaving, and I never
told her I love her.
464
00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:01,383
I must do it now, before she goes away
465
00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:03,998
and I lose my chance forever.
466
00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:07,003
You won't mind if I watch
from way back here.
467
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:12,380
I love you, Tallulah.
I love you, Tallulah.
468
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,290
I love you, Tallulah.
469
00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:15,745
I love you, Tallulah.
470
00:20:15,875 --> 00:20:17,955
Meow.
471
00:20:18,041 --> 00:20:22,791
I-I-I... ahh...
472
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:26,791
Good girl.
473
00:20:26,875 --> 00:20:30,535
Let's get out of here
and get you cleaned up.
474
00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:32,247
Did that look bad?
475
00:20:32,375 --> 00:20:34,125
No, you were fine.
476
00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:37,498
Sorry you never got
to talk to her, big guy.
477
00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:40,995
You know, I'm not.
478
00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:43,825
In a way, it couldn't be more perfect.
479
00:20:43,917 --> 00:20:46,537
Now she'll never be able to reject me
480
00:20:46,625 --> 00:20:48,535
and spoil all my dreams.
481
00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:51,915
And now I must repair
to my favorite spot--
482
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,920
behind the philodendron--
to let the dappled rays
483
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,130
of morning sun wash over me
484
00:20:57,208 --> 00:21:00,378
as I slip into a slumber of fantasy.
485
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:02,210
Well, Mrs. Helperman,
486
00:21:02,291 --> 00:21:04,421
aren't you forgetting something?
487
00:21:04,542 --> 00:21:06,422
Um, her cut crystal water dish,
488
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:09,790
her New Zealand lamb's wool snuggle...
489
00:21:09,875 --> 00:21:11,575
"Thank you, Principal Strickler,
490
00:21:11,709 --> 00:21:14,789
for letting me take care
of your beautiful cat."
491
00:21:14,917 --> 00:21:16,457
Oh, you have got to be--
492
00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:18,252
Thank you for letting me
493
00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:20,543
take care of your beautiful cat.
494
00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:22,877
Oh, the pleasure is all mine.
495
00:21:22,959 --> 00:21:25,459
And here's a little something
for you, young man.
496
00:21:25,583 --> 00:21:27,883
First prize in the principal's
497
00:21:27,959 --> 00:21:30,289
limbo competition.
498
00:21:30,417 --> 00:21:32,127
♪ How low can you go? ♪
499
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:34,208
♪ How low can you go? ♪
500
00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:36,083
Two free rounds of laser tag
501
00:21:36,166 --> 00:21:38,326
and a giant 6-meat pizza!
502
00:21:38,458 --> 00:21:39,498
Wow!
503
00:21:39,625 --> 00:21:44,245
Well, I know two fellas
who are going to love that!
504
00:21:44,333 --> 00:21:50,173
Might their names be Lovey Bear
and Cuddly Buns?
505
00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:52,830
We shall speak of it no more.
36244
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