Original subtitles

♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪

-♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪

♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪

♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪

♪ He'd start to drool ♪

-♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪

♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪

♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪

♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪

-♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪

♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪

♪ He's so over just being rover ♪

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪

♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪

♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪

Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?

Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.

♪ I want to be a boy ♪

I hate dogs.

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪

I do not wish to be a dog.

♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪

♪ I got to be a boy ♪

♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪

♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪

Yes!

["The Nutcracker Suite" playing ]

[sleigh bells jingling]

[narrator] Have you ever seen a more beautiful sight

than East Westland during the holidays?

Didn't think so.

Yep, it's that time of year again,

a time when the whole town has a twinkle in its eye

and a song in its heart.

But as this nice teacher

and this unnaturally talented dog

are going to find out,

come holiday time, even simple things,

things like songs and hearts,

can have a hard time coming out just right.

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one ♪

♪ Ooh, I said a-one now ♪

♪ Can you give me a one now? ♪

♪ Oh, I need a teeny, tiny o-o-one ♪

♪ Horse open ♪

♪ Sleigh-eigh-eigh-eigh ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Ha ha. Oops.

Why, Scott Leadready II,

it's almost as if this was your very first Christmas.

Yeah, ha ha. Almost.

I certainly understand.

This is my very favorite

jolly-olly holiday time of year, too.

Can anyone guess what special seasonal surprise

is under this cloth?

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Is it the decayed and stinky remains

of an excavated mummy

with a 5,000-year-old curse on it?

No, but...Good guess, Ian.

Ha ha. It's...

Scripts for "A Christmasy Christmas in Christmas town."

Ha ha ha.

The traditional fourth-grade play

that we're all going to star in

at next week's big school holiday pageant.

Yay!

The school play.

Finally, a chance to trod the boards

and pay homage to the gods of tragedy...

[belches]

And comedy!

Oh, man.

I'm stupid elf number five.

I have exactly one stupid line.

What is it?

"Yes, that is true."

But think of all you can do with that one line.

You can play it in fear--

Yes, that is true! Aah!

Perplexed-- Yes, that is true?

Shakespearean-- Yea, verily, my liege.

You speaketh sooth.

Japanese kabuki-- Hai, soo desu.

1I'm glad to see somebody's getting in the spirit.

Now, let's start reading through the play

from the beginning.

Yes, Ruth.

Mrs. Helperman, I know

"A Christmasy Christmas in Christmas Town" is old,

but was it written before Hanukkah was invented?

Uh, dear, nobody invented Hanukkah.

It's been around for centuries.

But your point is well taken.

"Incorporate Hanukkah into play."

There. Now let's turn to page-- Yes, Kelsey?

My family celebrates Kwanzaa.

Oh. Well, I'm sure there's room in the play

for a sizeable Kwanzaa quotient.

Okey-dokey, artichoky.

Now, does anybody else's family

celebrate something different?

"Tibetan festival of--" What is it again, Ian?

The Tibetan festival of yak-butter sculptures!

Well, it looks like as soon

as my writing hand stops cramping,

I'll have to start work on a brand-new,

never-before-seen, world-premiere

fourth-grade play that celebrates

all of these holiday traditions.

[cheering]

Ahem. I do not approve of this brand-new,

never-before-seen, world-premiere play idea.

Yes, but-- what's wrong with "A Christmasy Christmas in Christmas Town"?

It's been enchanting audiences at this school

for 37 years.

-Yes, but-- -As a matter of fact,

I originated the role of elf number five.

You were the first elf number five?

Yes! That is true.

Huh. Well, um,

that is very impressive, sir, but don't you think

"A Christmasy Christmas in Christmas town"

is just-- it's a tad, um, exclusionary?

Of course it is.

It's about Christmas, for Pete's sake.

You want them to change it

to "A Christmasy Christmas in Hanukkah Town"?

-I just don't see it. -But, sir--

the matter is closed, Mrs. Helperman.

This school has a proud history

of observing one holiday and ignoring all the others,

and I'm not about to change that.

Well, with all due respect, Principal Strickler,

this is not 37 years ago, this is 37 years later,

and this is America!

And we celebrate our ding-dong diversity,

pardon my French.

Well, you don't have to yell at me.

I'm sorry.

Please, just let me do this,

and I promise I'll come back here tomorrow

with a new and better holiday play

that celebrates all our heritages

with pride and dignity.

Well...will it still have the part

where Santa Claus does

the "Christmasy Christmas Town" twist?

I love that part.

Um...yes.

Very well.

[cheering]

But if the play's a stinkeroo,

it'll be on your head,

and you don't want to be remembered

as the teacher who ruined the holidays

for everyone.

Well, Merry Christmas,

and, um, happy, uh, whatever.

Hey, what's wrong?

Oh, nothing. Don't mind me.

Nothing at all.

My people don't have a holiday tradition!

Oh. I'm sorry.

But, you know, technically speaking,

you're not people.

You think I don't know that?

Believe me, right now I feel more like a dog

than ever before.

Come on, Spot, cheer up.

You've got lots of holiday traditions

right here with us.

Oh, goody! Ha ha ha!

You boys are home just in time

for some annual holiday fun.

Okay, picture time.

Oh, you're all just so precious.

Spot, drink from the stand just like you always do.

I'll get you for this.

Everybody say pepperoni!

Oh, isn't this just the cutest

Christmas card ever?

Yeah, it's nice, Mom.

It's the cutest Christmas card ever!

Mom, are you okay?

Fine, just fine and dibbity-dandy. Why?

Oh, I just thought maybe you might be putting off

writing our new holiday play

because you're afraid you might not be up to it.

Afraid? Ha ha.

Of some silly play with 19 different holidays in it

that if I don't finish by tomorrow,

I'll have ruined Christmas for everyone

and I'll probably be fired?

I am not afraid at all.

She ought to be.

I am just going to sit right down

and bang that baby out with no trouble whatsoever.

Just as soon as I finish decorating

all the Christmas cookies!

♪ Fa-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪

Hey, you guys, I'm really worried about my mom.

She's totally stressed out about writing the new play.

You mean her little pageant

including all the holiday traditions of the world?

Oh, except the ones dogs have,

because dogs don't have any!

Whoa. You better lay off the Christmas-tree water.

It's gone to your head.

You leave me alone. I'm having a crisis here.

If I stay here, I'll go mad.

Wherever are you going, Spot?

To find my holiday destiny, that's where.

But you have to help me.

If my mom doesn't write the play,

she'll be in big trouble.

I can't help you. Don't you see?

If I don't find a holiday tradition,

then the world as I know it will end.

Brring. Hello. I'd like to order

an extra-large helping of perspective!

Thanks for caring.

[Mrs. Helperman] Leonard!

Help me with these decorations, will you, Lenny Penny?

Mom, don't you have to start working

on the... play?

[narrator] So all the world got ready for the holidays,

all the world, that is,

except for our little friend Spot.

With a heavy heart and little hope,

he set out to see if he could discover

the true meaning of the holiday season for a dog.

Nope.

Nah.

You've got to be kidding.

I'm going to need more yak butter.

I'm doing it as fast as I can!

He needed to find a place for dogs

in the big holiday picture,

and he knew just where to go for the answer.

What was the question again?

[sighs] What do dogs do for the holidays?

Oh, well, we have lots of holiday traditions.

Like what? What are they?

Well, uh, mostly we spend the holidays

with our families and drink water

out of the Christmas tree stand.

Oy.

["Deck the Halls" playing]

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la ♪

♪ La ♪

There. That wasn't so hard.

It looks great, Mom.

That's the nicest title page I ever saw.

All I have to do is think of something

to write about on the other 50 pages.

Come on, Mom. I just know you got

a super-de-duper new holiday story in the old noggin.

Well, I do have one idea.

That's great. What is it?

Okay. A mean old miser

gets visited by three ghosts

who help show him

the true meaning of Christmas, Hanukkah,

Kwanzaa, Midwinterblot,

Tet, Tongji,

and the Tibetan Festival of Yak-Butter Sculptures.

Hey, that sounds great.

It's just like "A Christmas Carol."

Yes, but... there's so much more of it!

Okey-dokey, then.

["We Three Kings" playing]

I don't believe you.

You're just part of the conspiracy.

Now, look, kid, I'd love to help you,

but I can't.

I've been putting this thing up for 37 years,

and that guy with the crown is definitely

not a wise dog.

Yeah, right.

[carriage dings]

Okay. How about this?

Hit me.

A magic multicultural snowman comes to life.

Snowmen have been done.

-Okay. A reindeer-- -Done.

-A kindly old-- -Done! Done, done!

It's all been done! I'm done!

Don't say that.

Mom, I really think if we try harder,

we can come up with an idea

that's just super-de-duper.

Young man, I don't know quite what to tell you.

I have tried to gather

all of the holiday books we had,

and I can tell you that we do not have any about dogs.

All the other animals are covered--

"The Mistletoe Mouse,"

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,"

"Holiday Traditions and Whales."

Who's kidding who, sweetheart?

Aah!

[snoring]

It's hopeless.

I can't do it.

I've ruined the holidays for everyone.

[Principal Strickler's voice] Poor Mrs. Helperman.

[gasps]

Your little play isn't going very well, is it?

You be quiet!

Hey, I'll bet "A Christmasy Christmas in Christmas Town"

is sounding pretty good right about now, eh, boys?

[all] Yes, that is true.

[laughing]

Stop it!

Stop? Ha ha. I'm just getting started.

♪ Jingle bells, your play smells ♪

♪ It's gonna lay an egg ♪

♪ You should've done ♪

♪ "A Christmasy Christmas In Christmas Town" instead ♪

[all laughing]

Aah!

[snoring]

I'm not a praying dog, but I'm at the end of my leash.

I have no holiday to celebrate.

I don't belong anywhere.

Guess I should just smell the Christmas-tree water

and forget this whole pretending-to-be-a-boy charade.

-Got a problem, pal? -Who are you?

Just a magical dog who pops up out of nowhere

to help other dogs with their troubles.

Now, what say you tell old Tim-Tim-Tim

what this no-holiday-tradition nonsense is all about?

It's true, Tim-Tim... Tim.

All so true, and all so sad.

I've got nothing. Nothing!

Oh, I am so utterly, utterly bereft.

You're also a little melodramatic.

Oh, I-- what's your point?

You should stop your bellyaching

and start realizing that you're missing something,

something mighty important about the holidays

and your part in it.

Are you going to magically show me things now?

I thought I would, yeah.

Now, I know you're thinking you don't have any part

of the Helpermans' Christmas, but you're wrong.

Since you've been born,

you've brought your family nothing but laughter.

[Leonard laughing]

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

They're laughing at me.

Shut your yap and open your ears.

I love you, Spot.

I see it now.

It's a tradition of love.

Shh.

Ohh!

The greatest gift I can have

is to be right here with my family.

It's a tradition of family.

Will you let the lady finish?

And the most important thing

is that we're all together.

Now you blurt out your lesson, genius.

Oh! The holidays aren't about wearing silly outfits

and getting presents

and building yak-butter sculptures,

but doing those things together

with the family you love.

I see it. I see it!

It's about time.

Thank you, Tim-Tim-Tim.

Tim?

Oh!

Ohh!

I'm-- I'm-- I'm back!

Oh, the spirit did it in one night!

Oh, home again,

with a twinkle in my eye and a song in my heart.

[snoring]

Oh, poor Mrs. H.

She's family.

If only-- wait a minute.

Leonard.

Wake up. We got a lot of work to do.

Okay, so it's family, love, and togetherness.

No! No! It's love, family, and togetherness.

Together... Weather... Leather...

Turtleneck sweater?

Brilliant!

Comma! Semicolon!

Comma! Semicolon, blast you!

[wind blowing]

You wanted to talk to me

about your new play, Mrs. Helperman?

Well, writing a play is harder than I thought.

Yes, that is true.

And, um, well, I couldn't do it.

Told you so. You just can't write a better play

than "A Christmasy Christmas in Christmas Town."

[Scott] And that's why she wrote a song instead.

Mrs. Helperman wrote an incredible new song,

a heartfelt, yet, if I may say so,

rockin' musical celebration of our diversity

that also embraces the common ties we all share

at this holiday season.

Uh, and, uh, she lost it

in the, uh, parking lot,

and Leonard and I, uh, found it.

You... found it?

And we're all going to sing it on opening night!

Ohh!

Oh, thank you!

Oh, bless you. You are just--

oh, you are so super-de-duper,

and I just-- I love you all so much.

[playing intro]

[music playing]

♪ It's the holiday season ♪

♪ All over the earth ♪

♪ Full of fun celebrations ♪

♪ And all kinds of mirth ♪

[Scott] ♪ Though our different customs ♪

♪ Have various names ♪

[all] ♪ The feelings we have Are the same ♪

♪ Be you full-blooded Korean ♪

♪ Or one-quarter Chilean ♪

♪ It's the season of hope ♪

♪ It's the season of care ♪

♪ A time for our friends And our families to share ♪

♪ When spirits take Flight on the wings of a dove ♪

♪ it's the season ♪

♪ The season of love ♪

♪ Everyone's busily Stuffing their birds ♪

[Scott] ♪ Exchanging gifts, And that kind is the worst ♪

♪ And yakky ♪

-♪ Iraqi ♪ -♪ Iraqi ♪

♪ And tongues from Tibet ♪

[Scott] ♪ Or the pearls of wisdom ♪

♪ From a brilliant ♪

♪ And unnaturally talented Household pet ♪

And I'm not talking about anyone in particular.

-[singing in French] -It's a season of hope...

-[singing in foreign language] -A season of peace.

[singing in Spanish]

[singing in foreign language]

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ You're a part Of this wonderful season ♪

♪ The season of love ♪

[music ends]

Ho ho! Tremendous!

Just tremendous!

Bravo! Brava!

Wonderful show, don't you think?

Well, I suppose it's--

everybody twist!

[rock 'n' roll playing ]

It's beautiful.

[crying]

Well, I suppose that about does it.

Everybody's happy now, and everybody's got a holiday.

You have a happy holiday, too,

whatever and whenever it is.

[ "We Wish you a Merry Christmas" plays ]