Original subtitles

♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪

-♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪

♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪

♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪

♪ He'd start to drool ♪

-♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪

♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪

♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪

♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪

-♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪

♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪

♪ He's so over just being rover ♪

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪

♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪

♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪

Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?

Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.

♪ I want to be a boy ♪

I hate dogs.

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪

I do not wish to be a dog.

♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪

♪ I got to be a boy ♪

♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪

♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪

Yes!

[alarm ringing]

[snoring]

Aah!

[whimpering]

[whimpering]

Okay, the coast is clear!

[whimpering]

[conga music playing]

Are we good or what?

Okey-dokey, don't be pokey.

Who's got on their thinking cap today?

Don't you guys at least want to take a crack at it?

It's one minute to recess!

[sighs] All right.

♪ It's a bird, It's a plane ♪

♪ It's Scott Leadready To the rescue ♪

Uh...

Hmm.

Oh, I see. You just, uh...No.

Oh, well --no. That's not it.

Aha!

What you ought to do --no.

No. No.

Oh, Scott, honey, it's okay

if you don't get the answer lickety-split.

I knew it would be, that's why I didn't.

Okay, recess time --let's go!

[all cheer]

Unh-unh-unh. The bell hasn't rung yet.

So, class, when we see a big old brain-buster like this,

what we want to do is simply break it down

with our mathematical order of operations,

or "Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally."

Fine, great, she's excused. Can we go now?

Oh, bless your little heart. Ha ha!

No.

"Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally"

is a memory-booster-rooster.

The first letter of each word helps us know

which math operation to do when.

Parenthesis, exponent, multiplication, division,

addition, subtraction.

Ha ha ha. Pretty snazzy, huh?

[all] Snazzy.

Oh, you. Go to recess already.

[all] Yay!

Oh, wait, wait, before you leave,

I've been asked to make one brief announcement.

Oh, well, I guess it can wait.

It's just about the new skateboard park.

-Skateboard park? -Skateboard park?

Well, jeepers, now that we've got focus,

perhaps I should return

to the mathematical order of operations.

[all] Oh!

Psych! Ha ha ha!

Now, about the skateboard park --

okay. Now, our mayor has asked us to select

one student representative to speak

for all you boys and girls

at tomorrow's city council meeting

on the issue of whether or not

there should be a mathematical order of operations.

[all] Oh!

Skateboard park.

Ha ha ha! It really is an amazing phenomenon.

Dudes, I, like, think, like, I should, like, be the one

to talk at that, like, council-meeting thingy tomorrow

'cause, like, i'm, like, the best skater.

Yeah, but you can't, like, talk.

I, on the other hand, am often commended

on my excellent diction and elocution.

But you can't... Like, skate.

Me, me, please.

No, it should be me.

Oh, man, we've wasted our whole recess picking someone,

and we haven't even picked them yet.

We could draw straws.

Flip a coin!

Rock, paper, scissors.

Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.

Great gobs of gopher guts, people.

This isn't rocket science.

1, 2, 3...Not it!

Definitely not rocket science.

We simply have to make a decision here.

Alexander the Great, Abraham Lincoln,

Harry S. Truman, Joan of Arc --

little Joanie with the voices in her noggin --

they all changed our world --and why?

Because they weren't afraid to make the tough decision

at crunch time.

Cool. Can we get one of them?

Tyler, next time we have history,

pay attention!

The point is,

to quote postmodern existential philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre,

"we are our decisions."

Okay, can we get him?

[sighs] Give me strength.

Guys, I'm gonna make this as easy as I can.

You need a speaker, my friends.

I said, a speaker with a spark.

♪ To sell that city council On a skateboard park ♪

♪ And he's got to have wit, Verve, a steely nerve ♪

♪ The will to win And a mind to serve ♪

♪ That's serve with an "s" ♪

♪ And, yes, that stands for Scott ♪

♪ Yes, I'm your man, You bet I can ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got wit, Verve, and nerve ♪

♪ And bite and plenty of bark ♪

♪ You bet your bottom ♪

♪ If anyone will get That skateboard park ♪

♪ It's Scott ♪

♪ Follow me, friends, I'll get us that park ♪

♪ For all us kids forever ♪

♪ Great Scott ♪

♪ S-c-o-t-t, great Scott ♪

Whoa!

I'm not so great at stopping this...

Thing.

Well, well, well, if it ain't the dog

formerly known as Spot.

Break out the liver munchies.

Really, Moe? The munchies, Moe?

Arf!

I was being ironic, you dumb schnauzer.

He's a traitor. Sic him!

[srowling]

Oh, guys, guys, take it easy.

I-I'm still one of you. Look!

[all snarling]

[gasps] See? 100% pure canine.

Uh, I mean...

See? No pants. I'm a doggy.

[nervously] Ha ha ha.

Uh...woof!

Hey, that's not a real bark.

That's just a people word --w-o-o-f.

Get him!

Oh! Don't do this to me, Moe.

Whatever it is you're gonna do

that I don't even want to think about --

and I hope the thing I thought

before I made myself stop thinking

because it's too awful to think about

isn't what you're thinking about.

Ha! Got you! Ancient Tibetan confusion technique.

Hey, he thinks he can confuse us

just because we're a bunch of dumb dogs.

Get him again!

Yeah, but if he was thinking what he thought he thought,

then what was he thinking he thought when he thought it?

Oh, for the love of food, will you?

Those ancient Tibetans, they're full of techniques.

Now say you're sorry for attacking me.

Okay, I'm sorry, Spot.

I guess we're just having a bad day.

Oh, really, Moe? What's the matter?

Ha! I guess you can teach an old dog

new ancient Tibetan tricks, huh?

What's the matter, Spot, is that we just heard

they're planning to tear down the dog park.

[gasps] The dog park? Our dog park?

Oh, that beautiful enchanted land

of puppyhood memories and fun --

the wind in your ears, the smells in your nose,

the air in your tongue,

the glorious throwing and fetching place

where a hound can run and roll free and happy

in the grass and dirt...

And whatever else is on the ground.

[all whistle]

Did I mention the smells?

They can't take away our dog park!

It's a living monument to furry freedom and joy.

We must save it for ourselves,

for our children,

for our children's children!

[murmuring]

Oh, uh, all right.

Well, uh, for the children of those who haven't, uh,

visited the vet.

[all] Ooh! Ouch!

It's a sad day for dogs.

Arf! Amen to that!

Oh, oh, oh!

I bet you're talking about the dog park, huh?

Just a minute!

It doesn't have to be a sad day.

You're right, brother!

♪ Now, there's a dog, my friends ♪

♪ A dog that's learned to speak ♪

♪ A friend that won't roll over When that city council meets ♪

♪ And he'll be In that hall tomorrow ♪

♪ To save us all from sorrow ♪

♪ That's sorrow with a great big "S" ♪

♪ And that stands for Scott -- No, I mean Spot ♪

-♪ Spot ♪ -♪ Spot ♪

♪ Now they come in with the chorus ♪

-♪ Spot ♪ -♪ Spot ♪

♪ Those humans can't ignore us ♪

Thataboy, buddy, you show 'em

they can't tear down our dog park

just to put up some stupid skateboard park.

♪ Oh, I got trouble ♪

♪ Great Scott ♪

[humming]

♪ T-Tighten those trucks ♪

Oh, man, this is going to be sweet!

I'm gonna work that new skateboard park.

Um, Leonard?

About this, uh, skateboard park thing --

Hey, look who's here!

Spot, my man, you're my mellow.

You the dog!

Yes. Yes. I the dog.

And speaking of dogs,

I just happened to run into a few of them outside.

It's gonna be so cool, Spot.

When everybody sees me on the brand-new half-pipe,

ollieing into a 360 flip, they'll all say,

"wow, there goes the best friend of the guy

who got us the skateboard park."

[groans] Woe is me.

What to do, what to do?

I promised the kids a skateboard park.

I promised the dogs a dog park.

Now, no matter which faction I please,

I'll bitterly disappoint --

not to mention be hated and reviled

and possibly torn to shreds by the other.

Oh! Death, where is thy sting?

All right, I may be overreacting,

but it is a bummer.

This is amazingly bad.

Tell me abou it. I've never been on the horns of such a prickly dilemma.

I'm talking about me.

I've searched every shelf in the pantry.

I think we've run out of wet food.

Oy, him with the wet food again.

You spit on the dry, it's wet!

I've got your answer.

You forget the dogs and the skateboards,

you make the thing a bird sanctuary!

Oh, yeah.

Plenty of fine young ducks be a-migrating come spring.

Wait for me, baby!

Oh, take a bath!

You're right. Good idea.

Ooh. I needed that.

Wait. I have the solution.

Really, you do? What?

If we set up a cyber account

with one of those pet food delivery dot-com services,

we'll never run out of wet food again!

If only that brain could be harnessed

for the power of good.

"Spit on the dry." Ha ha ha.

Birds.

Oh, what would Abe Lincoln do in this predicament?

Oh, sure, he had big fat armies and hotshot advisers.

You're just a short fuzzy mutt in borrowed pants.

Mr. Jolly just told me you might ditch the skateboard park.

What are you thinking?

I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't know what I stand for.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I'm Scott!

I'm Spot!

I'm Scott!

I'm Spot!

[all] I'm Sca-pot!

Pi-scot!

I'm Biscotti!

[crying] Stop!

Look, I don't mean to be mean --

Yeah, right, that's what humans say

just before they say something really mean.

You go, Lenny!

But if you don't choose the skateboard park,

then maybe that means you're not really a kid,

and if you're not really a kid, then I'm sorry,

but maybe you should just stay home

and not go to school.

Oh, he's good.

Gee whiz.

The kid in me totally agrees with him,

but the dog in me...

Can never forget the fun...

The beauty...

The almost unbearable joy of being a dog in the park.

Oh, fickle capricious world!

What do you want from me?

Well, I can't speak for the world, little buddy,

but I still like that bird sanctuary.

[barking]

Hey! I took a shot!

[whimpering]

Always remember,

whenever you have a problem you can't solve...

What?

Someone should've paid attention in class

and not wanted to run out to recess so fast!

Heh heh heh!

Hey, I must be dreaming.

[horn honks]

Yep, I'm dreaming.

Oh, wow, Alexander the Great,

Mr. Lincoln, Joan of Arc, and Harry S Truman --

just who I need!

Tell me, guys, how can I make a really hard decision?

And, Harry, how come there's no period

after the "S" in your name?

[French accent] Well, pretty dog

who speak like a man,

I shall give you the answer.

Spot! Get up!

Aah! Well, thank you very much.

The maid of Orléans was just about to give me the answer.

Uh, yeah, tell me about it later.

Now we've got to get you to that city council meeting

so you can get us our skateboard park.

You are gonna get us a skateboard park,

aren't you, Scott?

[sighs] I guess the kids

would be pretty disappointed if I didn't.

[sniffling]

Well, I just saw the strangest thing.

Our front yard's all filled with dogs, just sitting there,

staring at the door as though they're waiting

for someone they love and trust to come out.

Oh, hello, Scott.

My, don't you look spiffy for your big speech today.

Well, let's go, boys.

City hall's not gonna come to us.

Ha ha ha.

Stand up, little ones.

Spot Helperman is passing.

♪ Swing low, sweet chariot ♪

I know it's tough, fella,

but just keep telling yourself,

"today, I am a kid."

[crash]

Don't forget my sanctuary, dog-breath!

Ahem.

What? I got a feather sticking up in the back?

I don't think it's very nice of you --

Excuse me? I'm doing like I do every morning --

a little groom, a little splash,

then a nice nosh at the seed bell.

You know what I'm talking about.

Bird sanctuary this, bird sanctuary that.

It's like all you care about is birds.

Maybe that's 'cause all I care about is birds.

A cat could get his feelings very hurt

by a statement like that.

I hurt your feelings?

Very much so.

Good.

That makes my day.

I live to hurt your feelings, 'cause you know what?

Your feelings are ridiculous!

Birds should love birds, cats should love cats.

Period. I have spoken.

Oh, I see what this is,

Mr. Defensive,

you just can't admit how much you care.

You cover it with bluster and shrieking

and harsh words.

What the --

the meaner you are to me, the more I know you like me.

You're sick.

Translation --you think I'm great.

You're driving me nuts.

In other words, you like me better than birds.

Oh, yeah?! Well, get over here,

and I'll tattoo your furry mug like a woodpecker.

Come close, and I'll shower your face with kisses.

All right, I didn't want to say this,

but you pushed me to it.

From the bottom of my tiny talons

to the top of my top feather, from deep inside my hollow bones,

I, Pretty Boy Helperman,

despise you, Mr. Jolly Helperman!

Ah... I am loved.

Why, I --

if you --for two cents --

Well, once again, that cat has ruined the splash and nosh.

Mr. Mayor, council members,

esteemed citizens of the fair community

of East Westland,

I stand here today to urge each and every one of you

to put aside your differences,

look into your hearts,

and find the collective strength

to cancel this meeting.

Ha ha ha ha.

Just a little joke to, uh, ease the tension

I seem to have caused by making that joke.

So...

[gulps] Onward?

Oh, poor little thing. He must be a nervous wreck

speaking to a big group like this.

At least he's not sweating.

No, but he sure is panting a lot.

What I mean to say is,

I think the park should be...

It should be...

Son, we've got to move along to the next item on our agenda.

Please state your position -- what should the park be?

When we see a big old brain-buster like this,

what we want to do is simply break it down...

[bell dings]

Please excuse my dear Aunt Sally!

All right, your Aunt Sally's excused,

but what should the park be?

No, that's the way you solve a big math problem.

You break it down into smaller pieces

and work them out in order of importance.

Heavens to Betsy! He was listening in class!

♪ Now, you've got skaters And dogs who want to play ♪

♪ But what to do, how to divide ♪

♪ Who to take away ♪

♪ 'cause the dogs can't play Where the skaters skate ♪

♪ And the kids can't skate Where the dogs are --wait ♪

♪ We can add them together And compromise ♪

♪ And therein, friends, The solution lies ♪

♪ It's not an "either," It's not an "or" ♪

♪ It's a "both" and an "and" We've been looking for ♪

♪ On Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Dogs can have the park ♪

♪ On Tuesday, Thursday, sunday, Skaters rule till dark ♪

♪ And Saturday night's Too great for words ♪

♪ On Saturday night, It's for the birds ♪

♪ I thank you all For hearing my remarks ♪

♪ Don't have to choose ♪

♪ Don't have to pick ♪

♪ No, just find another angle, And make it stick ♪

♪ It's great for skaters ♪

♪ It's great for dogs ♪

♪ Dogs rule ♪

♪ That's dogs with a "d" and that rhymes with me ♪

♪ 'Cause I figured out What the answer would be ♪

♪ I broke it down, And I did it in order ♪

♪ Hey, look at that collie, Is she a border? ♪

♪ Oh, never mind, Just join our rally ♪

♪ And don't forget to please excuse ♪

♪ My dear Aunt Sally ♪

-♪ Scott, Scott ♪ -♪ Spot, Spot ♪

-♪ Spot, Spot ♪ -♪ Scott, Scott ♪

♪ Great Scott ♪

[whistling]