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♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪
2
00:00:01,959 --> 00:00:04,289
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪
3
00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:05,665
♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪
4
00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:07,420
♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,500
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
6
00:00:08,583 --> 00:00:10,133
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪
7
00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,748
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪
8
00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:14,174
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪
9
00:00:14,250 --> 00:00:16,580
♪ I have buried a bone
For the last time ♪
10
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:17,997
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪
11
00:00:18,083 --> 00:00:19,833
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
12
00:00:19,917 --> 00:00:21,207
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
13
00:00:21,291 --> 00:00:22,581
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
14
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,207
♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪
15
00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:26,671
♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪
16
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,710
♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪
17
00:00:28,792 --> 00:00:30,962
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?
18
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,041
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
19
00:00:33,125 --> 00:00:34,915
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
20
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,750
I hate dogs.
21
00:00:36,834 --> 00:00:39,714
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
22
00:00:39,792 --> 00:00:41,462
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
23
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,462
I do not wish to be a dog.
24
00:00:43,542 --> 00:00:46,082
♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪
25
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
26
00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
27
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206
♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪
28
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131
Yes!
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00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:23,705
[Mrs. Helperman] Meet Sacagawea,
30
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,172
the little Native American bird girl
31
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:28,830
who was such a helper bee
to Lewis and Clark's expedition
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00:01:28,917 --> 00:01:30,787
that our government
has chosen to honor her
33
00:01:30,875 --> 00:01:34,035
by putting her picture on the new $1 coin.
34
00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:35,955
[film reel flapping]
35
00:01:37,083 --> 00:01:38,003
[all snoring]
36
00:01:39,417 --> 00:01:41,997
Hmm.
37
00:01:42,083 --> 00:01:45,633
Sacagawea was also the answer
38
00:01:45,709 --> 00:01:47,959
to last night's $16,000 question
39
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,041
on "How'd You Like to be a Zillionaire?"
40
00:01:50,125 --> 00:01:51,625
How much did they win?
41
00:01:51,709 --> 00:01:53,039
Did they get it right?
42
00:01:53,125 --> 00:01:55,785
Do I know my students or what?
43
00:01:55,875 --> 00:01:57,625
All righty, then.
44
00:01:57,709 --> 00:01:59,829
Now, remember, boys and girls,
45
00:01:59,917 --> 00:02:03,207
tomorrow class will be dismissed
one hour early...
46
00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:04,541
[cheering]
47
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,752
So I can meet with your parents
48
00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:09,504
and discuss your progress this term.
49
00:02:09,583 --> 00:02:10,633
[groaning]
50
00:02:11,458 --> 00:02:12,748
Yeah!
51
00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:14,174
[coughs]
52
00:02:15,083 --> 00:02:18,883
I mean, boo.
53
00:02:18,959 --> 00:02:20,379
[rings]
54
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,421
So what's with the inappropriate outburst
55
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:26,830
and subsequent pathetic attempt
to conceal your joy?
56
00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:29,963
Didn't you hear what she said?
57
00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:32,581
It's parent-teacher
conference day tomorrow,
58
00:02:32,667 --> 00:02:34,577
the day every kid in the world
59
00:02:34,667 --> 00:02:35,957
lives in dread of
60
00:02:36,041 --> 00:02:38,381
because of what their teacher
might tell their parent,
61
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,458
except for me-- Leonard Helperman--
62
00:02:40,542 --> 00:02:43,962
because my teacher is my parent.
63
00:02:44,041 --> 00:02:46,171
It's Leonard's day! Oh, yeah!
64
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:49,170
So what you're saying is
every other day stinks.
65
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,500
Uh-huh. What? No.
66
00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:52,883
Sure, I can see that.
67
00:02:52,959 --> 00:02:55,919
If you do well in class,
you impress your mother,
68
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,630
but all the kids think
you're the teacher's pet.
69
00:02:58,709 --> 00:03:00,999
If you don't do well,
70
00:03:01,083 --> 00:03:03,333
both your mom and your teacher are...
71
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,417
[shudders] Disappointed in you.
72
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,830
What kind of existence is that?
73
00:03:07,917 --> 00:03:09,787
Constantly at war with yourself--
74
00:03:09,875 --> 00:03:13,035
"do I hang with the kids
or do I please my mom?"
75
00:03:13,125 --> 00:03:15,955
Day after day, week after week.
76
00:03:16,041 --> 00:03:17,711
How do you go on living?
77
00:03:17,792 --> 00:03:20,292
Yeah, well, thanks for understanding.
78
00:03:20,375 --> 00:03:23,495
They don't call me
man's best friend for nothing.
79
00:03:23,583 --> 00:03:25,883
So, Leonard, about this
parent-teacher deal...
80
00:03:25,959 --> 00:03:28,079
Boy, were you ever right when you said
81
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,286
life as a teacher's kid stinks.
82
00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:33,995
But about the
parent-teacher conferences...
83
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,753
Remember the other day
when mom went to the bathroom
84
00:03:36,834 --> 00:03:38,004
and put me in charge
of writing down names
85
00:03:38,083 --> 00:03:41,173
of anyone who wasn't working
on their math problems?
86
00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:42,790
Everyone called me Leonardict Arnold.
87
00:03:42,875 --> 00:03:45,125
Yes, that was very wrong of whoever coined
88
00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:47,498
that extremely clever
89
00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:49,923
historical reference/play-on-your-name.
90
00:03:50,041 --> 00:03:52,831
So, getting back to my
parent-teacher thing...
91
00:03:52,917 --> 00:03:54,667
How about the time we were doing anatomy
92
00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:56,830
and she brought in my naked baby pictures?
93
00:03:56,917 --> 00:03:59,577
Well, in her defense, they were adorable.
94
00:03:59,667 --> 00:04:02,747
But let's stay on track.
My parent-teacher conference.
95
00:04:02,834 --> 00:04:04,504
And how about when she
forgets we're at school
96
00:04:04,583 --> 00:04:06,003
and calls me Lenny Penny?
97
00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:07,583
All right, all ready!
98
00:04:07,667 --> 00:04:10,667
You think we can spare
one second of this conversation
99
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,330
to talk about me?
100
00:04:12,417 --> 00:04:14,247
What do you have to talk about?
101
00:04:14,333 --> 00:04:16,963
Your mom's not the teacher.
You've got no problems.
102
00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:20,041
Uh, Leonard, I hate to ruin
your special moment,
103
00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:22,205
but have you considered the fact
104
00:04:22,291 --> 00:04:26,421
that tomorrow is parent conference day,
105
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,670
and Scott Leadready is a boy
without a parent?
106
00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:33,540
Oh, gee, I never thought about that.
107
00:04:33,625 --> 00:04:35,625
Why would you? You've got a mom.
108
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,669
It's the kind of thing
109
00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:40,040
only a guy without a mom
thinks about.
110
00:04:40,125 --> 00:04:41,825
My mom...
111
00:04:41,917 --> 00:04:43,667
♪ I wonder where she is ♪
112
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,630
♪ I wonder how she is ♪
113
00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:47,629
♪ I wonder who she is ♪
114
00:04:47,709 --> 00:04:49,629
Hey, are you about to sing?
115
00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:51,539
I think I am.
116
00:04:54,291 --> 00:04:56,791
♪ Someone to lick my fur ♪
117
00:04:56,875 --> 00:05:00,165
♪ She picks me up,
I snuggle her ♪
118
00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:03,670
♪ We share a bowl,
We laugh and roll ♪
119
00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:07,710
♪ And then we find a tree ♪
120
00:05:07,792 --> 00:05:10,502
♪ Someone with tags like mine ♪
121
00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:13,673
♪ Her tail wags
Her sweet behind ♪
122
00:05:13,750 --> 00:05:17,420
♪ Her nose is cold,
Her eyes are kind ♪
123
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:20,830
♪ When she looks at me ♪
124
00:05:20,917 --> 00:05:22,747
♪ She's my mother ♪
125
00:05:22,834 --> 00:05:24,834
♪ Somewhere or other ♪
126
00:05:24,917 --> 00:05:28,497
♪ She is watching and waiting
And wondering ♪
127
00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:32,003
♪ If her baby
Might just maybe ♪
128
00:05:32,083 --> 00:05:35,383
♪ Be wondering
Where she is, too ♪
129
00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:37,378
♪ Oh, Mommy, each time ♪
130
00:05:37,458 --> 00:05:42,958
♪ You hear some pup say
"Ow-wooo" ♪
131
00:05:43,041 --> 00:05:44,751
♪ Remember ♪
132
00:05:44,834 --> 00:05:48,084
♪ Your Spotty loves ♪
133
00:05:48,166 --> 00:05:54,076
♪ You-ooo ♪
134
00:05:58,041 --> 00:06:00,461
Well, I guess if a dog
can go to school,
135
00:06:00,542 --> 00:06:01,882
shouldn't be surprised you can sing.
136
00:06:01,959 --> 00:06:03,379
And beautifully.
137
00:06:03,458 --> 00:06:04,538
[Leslie] Hi, guys.
138
00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:08,961
Oh, Leslie, hi.
139
00:06:09,041 --> 00:06:12,001
We were just, you know, hanging out,
140
00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:13,383
not singing.
141
00:06:13,458 --> 00:06:14,458
Whatever.
142
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,502
Hey, Leonard,
remember that time I brought your mom
143
00:06:16,583 --> 00:06:18,333
some fresh Granny Smith apples
144
00:06:18,417 --> 00:06:20,827
from my Granny Smith's
Granny Smith apple farm?
145
00:06:20,917 --> 00:06:22,207
I guess.
146
00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:23,961
Well, make sure your mom remembers it
147
00:06:24,041 --> 00:06:25,881
before my parent-teacher
conference tomorrow.
148
00:06:25,959 --> 00:06:27,749
Bring it up at dinner,
but make it sound casual.
149
00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:29,134
Got it?
150
00:06:29,208 --> 00:06:31,378
Sure, Leslie.
151
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,668
Great, thanks. Bye.
152
00:06:35,417 --> 00:06:36,957
[voice cracks] Bye.
153
00:06:37,083 --> 00:06:39,673
Hey, wait a sec. Do that again.
154
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:40,670
What?
155
00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:42,500
That high cracky-voice thing.
156
00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:45,083
You made yourself sound like a woman.
157
00:06:45,166 --> 00:06:48,416
-Did not!
-Yeah, like that. It's perfect.
158
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,330
[low voice] I don't know
what you're talking about.
159
00:06:51,417 --> 00:06:52,707
With that voice, a wig,
160
00:06:52,792 --> 00:06:55,422
maybe a nice pair of 2-inch heels,
161
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:56,710
you can play my mother tomorrow
162
00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,832
at the parent-teacher conference.
163
00:06:58,917 --> 00:07:02,077
Oh, no. No. No, no, no.
164
00:07:02,166 --> 00:07:03,416
No way.
165
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:04,790
Please?
166
00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:10,580
I am not doing this.
167
00:07:10,667 --> 00:07:12,707
Hmm. Dilemma.
168
00:07:12,792 --> 00:07:14,882
Scott should have a fashionable mother,
169
00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:18,329
someone who's not afraid
to show a little leg,
170
00:07:18,417 --> 00:07:20,707
but would her knees be this scabby?
171
00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:24,382
I guess we'll have to go
with the less stylish
172
00:07:24,458 --> 00:07:26,878
mid-calf length to hide the scabs.
173
00:07:26,959 --> 00:07:29,629
We'll just draw the eye away
from the problem area
174
00:07:29,709 --> 00:07:31,669
with a bold scarf statement.
175
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:33,040
Pretty Boy, be a dear
176
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,625
and fly me over that polka-dot number.
177
00:07:35,709 --> 00:07:38,079
-This is sick.
-Yeah, I keep telling him.
178
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,916
Boys are not meant
to play their dog's mother.
179
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,170
I'm talking about a polka-dot scarf
180
00:07:42,250 --> 00:07:43,380
with a floral dress.
181
00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:44,958
I'm wretching here from the clash already.
182
00:07:45,041 --> 00:07:48,171
Phbt. Since when are you Mr. Fashion?
183
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:50,250
Since they started papering my cage
184
00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:53,423
with the style section, smart guy.
185
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:56,500
Yech.
186
00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:57,883
I personally think
187
00:07:57,959 --> 00:08:00,629
it's très more chic
than lime-green feathers
188
00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:02,209
with an orange beak.
189
00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:05,291
Hey, I was born this way.
My father's from Jersey!
190
00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:08,245
Please, please! Don't fight, guys.
191
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:11,923
Pretty Boy, if it helps,
you pick the scarf.
192
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,420
If it were me,
I'd skip the scarf altogether.
193
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:16,040
He's got a lovely neck.
194
00:08:16,125 --> 00:08:18,245
Maybe just a simple strand of pearls.
195
00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:20,463
La-la-la-la-la! I don't hear you.
196
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,672
I'm not doing this.
I'm not doing this!
197
00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:25,790
I can't believe I'm doing this.
198
00:08:25,875 --> 00:08:27,455
Aah!
199
00:08:54,625 --> 00:08:55,625
Phbt.
200
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:01,583
What are you doing here?
201
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:04,037
What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
202
00:09:04,125 --> 00:09:06,625
The last thing I recall you saying was,
203
00:09:06,709 --> 00:09:10,959
"la-la-la-la-la! I don't hear you!
I'm not doing this!"
204
00:09:11,041 --> 00:09:13,541
It's a woman's prerogative
to change his mind.
205
00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:15,495
Besides, you're my best friend.
206
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:17,883
I got to help you no matter what.
207
00:09:17,959 --> 00:09:20,499
Oh, Leonard, that is so...
208
00:09:20,917 --> 00:09:22,627
Ball!
209
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:27,630
Ptui!
210
00:09:27,709 --> 00:09:31,459
I can't believe you used
one of my toys.
211
00:09:31,542 --> 00:09:33,542
What the devil is going on here?
212
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:44,463
Leonard Helperman, why are you
wearing a dress?
213
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:45,422
[shuddering]
214
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:48,040
[southern accent] Why, sir,
215
00:09:48,125 --> 00:09:49,415
the young man was just telling me
216
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,000
about the marvelous
research paper he's doing
217
00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:54,003
on gender roles in our society.
218
00:09:54,083 --> 00:09:56,673
He's quite a credit to this school.
219
00:09:56,750 --> 00:09:59,630
Oh, yes, yes. Yes, he is.
220
00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:01,249
Beat it, Leonard.
221
00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:04,543
I don't believe we've met.
222
00:10:04,625 --> 00:10:06,325
[growls]
223
00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:07,707
[gasps]
224
00:10:07,792 --> 00:10:11,382
Don't mind her.
Tallulah gets insanely jealous
225
00:10:11,458 --> 00:10:14,788
if I even look at a beautiful woman.
226
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,495
We don't want to give
your poor dear pussycat
227
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,133
the vapors, do we?
228
00:10:19,208 --> 00:10:21,078
So I'll just be toddling off
229
00:10:21,166 --> 00:10:23,826
to my parent-teacher
conference. Toodle-oo.
230
00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:34,287
Tallulah, calm down, honey.
231
00:10:34,375 --> 00:10:37,075
It's just a woman.
232
00:10:37,166 --> 00:10:39,326
A beautiful woman.
233
00:10:39,417 --> 00:10:41,497
It's not like I was paying attention
234
00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:43,633
to a dog or anything.
235
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:46,329
He bought it. That was genius!
236
00:10:46,417 --> 00:10:48,127
Pure genius.
237
00:10:48,208 --> 00:10:51,748
Yeah, well, Principal Strickler's
a pushover
238
00:10:51,834 --> 00:10:54,334
for a gorgeous woman like me.
239
00:10:54,417 --> 00:10:57,497
Your mom might not be quite so easy.
240
00:10:59,875 --> 00:11:01,995
You're such a super woman, Mrs. Leadready,
241
00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:03,793
to raise a super son like Scott
242
00:11:03,875 --> 00:11:05,125
without his dad around.
243
00:11:05,208 --> 00:11:08,078
Well, but no less super
a woman than you are
244
00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:10,456
to raise a super son like Leonard.
245
00:11:10,542 --> 00:11:12,672
Well, aren't we two just super?
246
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:14,080
Dee-duper.
247
00:11:14,166 --> 00:11:17,076
[both laughing]
248
00:11:17,166 --> 00:11:19,746
I hope you'll excuse me
for staring at your dress
249
00:11:19,834 --> 00:11:21,634
all the way through our conference.
250
00:11:21,709 --> 00:11:23,879
I used to have one exactly like it.
251
00:11:23,959 --> 00:11:25,209
Oh, really?
252
00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:28,671
Well, I guess they must have
sold a lot that year.
253
00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:31,540
I finally had to put mine
out in the rack bin
254
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,285
because it had a huge hole in the back.
255
00:11:34,375 --> 00:11:38,205
Well, you certainly
can't go walking around
256
00:11:38,291 --> 00:11:41,421
with a huge hole, now can you?
257
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,540
Huge hole, mnh-mnh.
258
00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:46,415
That reminds me,
I promised a dear, dear friend
259
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:50,170
I'd pop by and view her slides
of the Grand Canyon.
260
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:52,540
Fiddle-Dee-Dee. Must trot.
261
00:11:52,625 --> 00:11:54,495
Wait. I feel like
we've just begun to bond.
262
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,003
Ooh, light bulb.
263
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:59,673
Since our boys get along so well
264
00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:01,880
and you and I have
the same taste in dresses,
265
00:12:01,959 --> 00:12:03,209
why don't Leonard and I
have you and Scott
266
00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:05,501
over to our house for dinner tonight?
267
00:12:05,583 --> 00:12:08,463
Oh, no, we couldn't possibly
impose like that.
268
00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:10,462
I make a pot roast so tender,
269
00:12:10,542 --> 00:12:12,422
it falls right off the bone.
270
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:13,920
[deep voice] What time--
271
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,500
[female voice] Time should we be there?
272
00:12:15,959 --> 00:12:17,879
I can't believe you told my mom
273
00:12:17,959 --> 00:12:20,879
that you and your mom
would come over for dinner.
274
00:12:20,959 --> 00:12:23,879
Pot roast, Leonard. She said pot roast.
275
00:12:23,959 --> 00:12:26,289
I just crumbled. Don't you see?
276
00:12:26,375 --> 00:12:28,575
I love pot roast, and all I ever get
277
00:12:28,667 --> 00:12:31,537
is gristle and shreds
in a bowl of warm water.
278
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:34,035
I mean, I love gristle,
don't get me wrong,
279
00:12:34,125 --> 00:12:37,125
but to get my own
whole plate of pot roast
280
00:12:37,208 --> 00:12:39,128
served up hot at the table,
281
00:12:39,208 --> 00:12:42,128
and plus, I'm going to be
Scott and Mrs. Leadready,
282
00:12:42,208 --> 00:12:45,788
so I'll get two whole plates full of--
283
00:12:45,875 --> 00:12:47,285
uh-oh.
284
00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:48,625
Wait a minute.
285
00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:51,459
I have to be Scott and Mrs. Leadready.
286
00:12:51,542 --> 00:12:54,752
I was wondering when you were
going to figure that out.
287
00:12:54,834 --> 00:12:57,084
Now would be when I figured that out.
288
00:12:57,166 --> 00:12:59,746
Okay, okay, we can do this. Don't panic.
289
00:12:59,834 --> 00:13:02,834
I don't have to be two different people.
290
00:13:02,917 --> 00:13:05,577
Oh, curse you, pot roast!
291
00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:08,577
You savory, moist temptress.
292
00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:12,247
I suppose you're wondering
why I've called you all here.
293
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,503
'Cause you like wearing a dress?
294
00:13:14,583 --> 00:13:16,713
Okay, meeting adjourned.
Thanks for sharing.
295
00:13:16,792 --> 00:13:19,832
I left a nap for this?
296
00:13:19,917 --> 00:13:22,247
If I'm going to pull off
this tour de force
297
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:24,253
triple-identity performance
298
00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:28,133
of simultaneously portraying
Scott's mother, Scott,
299
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:31,418
and my own dog self,
I'm going to need some help.
300
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,170
What's it worth to you?
301
00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:35,750
I'm asking for your help.
302
00:13:35,834 --> 00:13:37,384
Right, it means you're desperate.
303
00:13:37,458 --> 00:13:39,378
When I smell desperation, I say,
304
00:13:39,458 --> 00:13:42,328
"hey, what's in it for the canary, baby?"
305
00:13:42,417 --> 00:13:44,457
He's an excellent business man.
306
00:13:44,542 --> 00:13:46,712
I'm giving him power of attorney
to represent me as well.
307
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:48,792
And you call yourselves pets.
308
00:13:48,875 --> 00:13:50,665
Pet, schmet. What do you got?
309
00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,750
I want a bowl full of sunflower seeds,
310
00:13:52,834 --> 00:13:55,544
cracked, no shells, and pages
311
00:13:55,625 --> 00:13:58,245
from the teeny-weeny bikini
issue of Sporterrific
312
00:13:58,333 --> 00:13:59,293
lining my cage for the next month.
313
00:13:59,375 --> 00:14:00,625
My needs are simple.
314
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:03,629
I'd like the juice
from a dozen cans of tuna
315
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:07,249
warmed to 6 degrees
above room temperature
316
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:08,753
and served in a silver chalice
317
00:14:08,834 --> 00:14:10,834
upon a satin pillow.
318
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,877
Ah, for crying out loud.
319
00:14:12,959 --> 00:14:14,579
All right, just the tuna.
320
00:14:14,667 --> 00:14:15,827
It's all I really wanted.
321
00:14:15,917 --> 00:14:18,287
The rest was just a negotiating ploy.
322
00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:20,375
Deal. Deal! Ingrates.
323
00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:22,958
Okay, now here's what I want
you two to do.
324
00:14:28,458 --> 00:14:29,708
Okay, on "action."
325
00:14:29,792 --> 00:14:33,382
And... action.
326
00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:39,833
I said action!
327
00:14:39,917 --> 00:14:43,207
Am I not to be groomed for my role?
328
00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:45,041
Get out there.
329
00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:47,415
I didn't hear "action."
330
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:49,210
Action.
331
00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:52,543
[coughs, screeches]
332
00:14:54,542 --> 00:14:57,922
[Spot barking]
333
00:14:58,709 --> 00:15:00,079
Boys, boys, behave yourselves.
334
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:03,166
We're expecting guests.
335
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,250
All right, that's it.
336
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:07,133
If you two can't get along,
337
00:15:07,208 --> 00:15:10,248
one of you is going to have to go outside.
338
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:21,999
And now I return to the role
I was born to play,
339
00:15:22,083 --> 00:15:24,383
the cat slumbering in the window.
340
00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:25,788
[snoring]
341
00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:44,376
[doorbell rings]
342
00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:47,463
What took you so long?
343
00:15:47,542 --> 00:15:49,632
You try pulling a zipper up your back
344
00:15:49,709 --> 00:15:51,379
with a pair of paws.
345
00:15:53,875 --> 00:15:55,245
Mrs. Leadready,
346
00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:56,705
please, come in.
347
00:15:56,792 --> 00:15:58,712
I've got bacon and liver wraps
348
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,542
fresh from the oven. Yum.
349
00:16:02,291 --> 00:16:04,921
Well, that makes
the whole trip worthwhile.
350
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,830
I'll take six.
351
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,710
Where's Scott?
352
00:16:09,792 --> 00:16:12,542
Well, my heavens, he was right on my tail,
353
00:16:12,625 --> 00:16:14,325
that little rascal.
354
00:16:14,417 --> 00:16:17,537
Let me see if he's
lollygagging in the car.
355
00:16:17,625 --> 00:16:19,415
Ooh, may I?
356
00:16:25,583 --> 00:16:28,133
-Hi, Leonard.
-Hi, Mrs. H.
357
00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:30,288
Ooh, where's my mom?
358
00:16:30,417 --> 00:16:32,747
She just went out looking for you, dear.
359
00:16:32,834 --> 00:16:34,044
Psst, pearls.
360
00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:38,330
Ooh, bacon and liver wraps.
I'll take some of those.
361
00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:40,327
As soon as your mom comes in,
362
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,497
we'll all be sitting down for dinner.
363
00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:45,383
Um, excuse me.
364
00:16:45,875 --> 00:16:47,325
Uhh! Now!
365
00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:50,128
[imitating Mrs. Leadready]
Y'all just g'won
366
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,668
and sit down without me.
367
00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:54,080
I'm presently indisposed.
368
00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:55,536
"G'won"?
369
00:16:55,625 --> 00:16:58,205
I've never been south
of Al's Pet Shop.
370
00:16:58,291 --> 00:17:02,251
Oh, um, well, uh,
I suppose we can sit down.
371
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:07,961
So far, so good.
372
00:17:08,041 --> 00:17:09,501
[barking]
373
00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:11,083
You can let Spot in.
374
00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:14,166
[howling]
375
00:17:14,291 --> 00:17:15,921
[barking]
376
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,750
Ha ha ha ha.
377
00:17:17,834 --> 00:17:20,214
I love to watch the monkeys dance.
378
00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:22,081
Um, okay, Mom.
379
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:23,876
No problem.
380
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:26,879
Me and Scott will just go right out there
381
00:17:26,959 --> 00:17:28,999
and let Spot in.
382
00:17:29,083 --> 00:17:32,383
[barking]
383
00:17:32,458 --> 00:17:33,998
[panting]
384
00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:35,673
[barking]
385
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,250
Where's Scott, Leonard?
386
00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:40,753
Don't you want to introduce
your friend to your dog?
387
00:17:40,834 --> 00:17:45,004
Oh, I'm right in here, Mrs. Helperman.
388
00:17:45,083 --> 00:17:46,793
[barks]
389
00:17:46,875 --> 00:17:48,875
Oh, yes, you're a cute fella.
390
00:17:48,959 --> 00:17:50,249
[barks, pants]
391
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:53,673
Yes. Yes, you sure are.
392
00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:55,080
[barks, howls]
393
00:17:55,166 --> 00:17:57,246
[Mrs. Helperman] Where's Mrs. Leadready?
394
00:17:57,333 --> 00:18:01,043
She's been in that powder room
an awfully long time.
395
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:07,995
I'll be there in a jiff, dearie pies.
396
00:18:08,083 --> 00:18:10,133
Now where did Spot and Scott go?
397
00:18:10,208 --> 00:18:13,748
Be right there, Mrs. Helperman.
398
00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:18,290
Get away from me, you filthy canine.
399
00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:20,285
I detest dogs.
400
00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:21,915
Principal Strickler?
401
00:18:22,583 --> 00:18:25,463
I just thought this
might be a fine evening
402
00:18:25,542 --> 00:18:28,002
for us to review
the fourth grade curriculum.
403
00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:30,003
Well, this isn't really a good time.
404
00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:33,043
We're having the Leadreadys
over for dinner.
405
00:18:33,125 --> 00:18:35,125
Mrs. Leadready is here?
406
00:18:35,208 --> 00:18:38,828
I had no idea.
407
00:18:38,959 --> 00:18:40,459
Gosh, I hope she likes poinsettias.
408
00:18:40,542 --> 00:18:41,962
[sniffs]
409
00:18:42,125 --> 00:18:45,955
Mmm, is that pot roast I smell?
410
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:46,961
My favorite.
411
00:18:47,041 --> 00:18:48,541
Oh, well, um, ha ha,
412
00:18:48,625 --> 00:18:51,745
I suppose there's always
room for one more.
413
00:18:51,834 --> 00:18:54,384
Well, if you haven't got an extra chair,
414
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:58,168
Mrs. Leadready can always share with me.
415
00:18:58,792 --> 00:19:01,382
I have an extra chair.
416
00:19:01,458 --> 00:19:04,038
Leonard, please call everybody in.
417
00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:07,915
Sure, I'll get him-- her-- him-- them.
418
00:19:09,083 --> 00:19:11,173
No, that's not right...
419
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:12,290
I wear the heels with the hair
420
00:19:12,375 --> 00:19:13,575
and the sneakers with the shorts.
421
00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:14,957
Or is it the sneakers with heels
422
00:19:15,041 --> 00:19:16,961
and the hair with the shorts?
423
00:19:17,041 --> 00:19:19,581
Oh, Leonard, I don't know what to do.
424
00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:22,827
I think I bit off more than I could chew.
425
00:19:22,917 --> 00:19:24,417
Yeah, playing three different
personalities
426
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:26,500
is kind of a lot.
427
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:29,713
Not the personalities.
The bacon-liver wraps.
428
00:19:29,792 --> 00:19:31,712
I should have stopped at six.
429
00:19:31,792 --> 00:19:32,882
[burps]
430
00:19:32,959 --> 00:19:36,749
Uh-oh, now the kitchen's starting to spin.
431
00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:39,998
I want my mommy!
432
00:19:44,542 --> 00:19:46,212
Honey, where are the Leadreadys?
433
00:19:46,291 --> 00:19:47,751
Oh, uh, hi, Mom.
434
00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:50,384
Um, they weren't feeling so good,
435
00:19:50,458 --> 00:19:51,748
so they, uh, went home.
436
00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:53,714
Must have been all those
bacon-liver wraps.
437
00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:56,382
Uh, she said she'll, uh, call you later...
438
00:19:56,458 --> 00:19:57,788
Or next month
439
00:19:57,875 --> 00:20:00,165
or whenever they're feeling better.
440
00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:02,290
Oh, well.
441
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:04,495
That's a crying shame.
442
00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:06,543
Oh, well. More for us!
443
00:20:06,625 --> 00:20:07,915
Ha ha ha!
444
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,080
Mmm, just like I like it--
445
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:14,576
falling off the bone.
446
00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:16,497
[stomach growls]
447
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,503
Oh, no, Spot, my poor puppy.
448
00:20:18,583 --> 00:20:20,753
You're not feeling well either?
449
00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:23,245
[Spot whimpering]
450
00:20:23,333 --> 00:20:25,633
Oh, that's okay, baby. I'm here.
451
00:20:25,709 --> 00:20:27,669
Mommy will take care of you.
452
00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:29,630
[humming lullaby]
453
00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:35,211
Hey, how do you know that song?
454
00:20:35,291 --> 00:20:38,001
Hmm.
I'm not sure.
455
00:20:38,083 --> 00:20:40,963
I don't remember ever learning it,
456
00:20:41,041 --> 00:20:43,081
but every mom I've ever met
has known it.
457
00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:46,416
[humming ]
458
00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:50,625
♪ She's my mother ♪
459
00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:52,629
♪ I've found another ♪
460
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:56,999
♪ Even though her sweet nose
Isn't cold, wet, and black ♪
461
00:20:57,083 --> 00:20:59,083
♪ I'm her baby ♪
462
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,626
♪ there's no maybe ♪
463
00:21:01,709 --> 00:21:06,039
♪ Oh, mommy,
Your Spotty loves you ♪
464
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:16,880
Good night, boys.
465
00:21:17,750 --> 00:21:20,670
Well, she may not have
a tail or whiskers,
466
00:21:20,750 --> 00:21:23,460
but I guess in all the ways that count,
467
00:21:23,542 --> 00:21:25,132
your mom is my mom, too.
468
00:21:25,208 --> 00:21:27,628
Yeah, I guess she really is.
469
00:21:27,709 --> 00:21:30,209
Boy, it's great to have a mom.
470
00:21:30,291 --> 00:21:32,631
It's pretty great having a brother, too--
471
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:35,629
someone who likes me
and wants to be with me
472
00:21:35,709 --> 00:21:38,789
and trades with me so I can sleep
473
00:21:38,875 --> 00:21:40,075
in the top bunk once in a while.
474
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:41,786
Good night, Spot.
475
00:21:41,875 --> 00:21:43,165
Good night, Leonard.
476
00:21:44,875 --> 00:21:46,285
Oh, all right.
477
00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:49,253
[squeak]
478
00:21:49,333 --> 00:21:51,463
-Ew!
-What?
479
00:21:51,542 --> 00:21:53,502
I just laid on a chew toy.
33758
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