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♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪
2
00:00:01,959 --> 00:00:04,329
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪
3
00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:05,705
♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪
4
00:00:05,792 --> 00:00:07,422
♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,500
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
6
00:00:08,583 --> 00:00:10,133
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪
7
00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,788
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪
8
00:00:11,875 --> 00:00:14,205
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪
9
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,631
♪ I have buried a bone for the last time ♪
10
00:00:16,709 --> 00:00:18,039
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪
11
00:00:18,125 --> 00:00:19,875
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
12
00:00:19,959 --> 00:00:21,249
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
13
00:00:21,333 --> 00:00:22,583
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
14
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,247
♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪
15
00:00:25,333 --> 00:00:26,673
♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪
16
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420
♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪
17
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:31,000
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?
18
00:00:31,083 --> 00:00:33,083
Now, doodle bug,
listen to mother.
19
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,126
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
20
00:00:35,208 --> 00:00:36,788
I hate dogs.
21
00:00:36,875 --> 00:00:39,745
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
22
00:00:39,834 --> 00:00:41,504
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
23
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,503
I do not wish
to be a dog.
24
00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083
♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪
25
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,536
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
26
00:00:47,625 --> 00:00:49,075
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
27
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206
♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪
28
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:53,331
Yes!
29
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I've got a surprise for someone,
30
00:01:20,709 --> 00:01:23,999
and it's going to make him
look extra-specially handsome.
31
00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:25,083
Ha ha ha!
32
00:01:25,166 --> 00:01:26,496
Not me!
33
00:01:26,583 --> 00:01:28,923
Oh, please, not me!
34
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,880
I'll give her such a peck if it's me.
35
00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:33,499
[Mrs. Helperman] Oh, Mr. Jolly.
36
00:01:33,583 --> 00:01:36,583
Uh-oh. I'm going to the vet!
37
00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:37,917
Quick! Hide!
38
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,830
Where to go?
39
00:01:39,917 --> 00:01:41,827
[babbles in terror]
40
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[hums nonchalantly]
41
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Sanctuary!
42
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Mew.
43
00:01:49,750 --> 00:01:51,330
Oh, don't be scared, boo-boo.
44
00:01:51,417 --> 00:01:53,917
Mama just wants to give you a goody.
45
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,830
Oh! Ha ha ha!
46
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All the most stylish
kitties are wearing them.
47
00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:02,382
[bell jingling]
48
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:05,915
Ha ha ha!
49
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,580
Hear that, guys? I'm stylish.
50
00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:10,497
Yeah, well, you still
smell like a tuna boat.
51
00:02:10,583 --> 00:02:12,463
Hush. I'm modeling.
52
00:02:12,542 --> 00:02:15,752
Don't despise me
because I'm beautiful.
53
00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:17,334
Suffer.
54
00:02:17,417 --> 00:02:18,957
[bell jingling]
55
00:02:19,041 --> 00:02:20,331
What's that noise?
56
00:02:20,417 --> 00:02:21,327
That's you.
57
00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:23,207
No, that ringing noise.
58
00:02:23,291 --> 00:02:26,251
That awful, incessant,
jingle-jangle jingling.
59
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:27,713
-That's you.
-Stop saying that.
60
00:02:27,792 --> 00:02:29,542
Well, not you, per se.
61
00:02:29,625 --> 00:02:31,955
I was speaking metonymically,
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whereby something
closely associated with you
63
00:02:34,125 --> 00:02:36,375
comes to represent you--
64
00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:38,328
to wit, the bell.
65
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[bell jingles]
66
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Aah!
67
00:02:41,959 --> 00:02:43,249
[bell jingling]
68
00:02:43,333 --> 00:02:45,833
It's driving me crazy!
Somebody get the phone!
69
00:02:45,917 --> 00:02:47,707
Hello? Aah!
70
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,292
Somebody get the door.
That's it. Who's there?
71
00:02:50,375 --> 00:02:51,495
Aah!
72
00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:53,503
It can't be me! It just can't be me!
73
00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:55,583
Get it! Make it stop!
74
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[panting and wheezing]
75
00:03:02,875 --> 00:03:03,955
Aah!
76
00:03:04,041 --> 00:03:04,961
[bell jingles]
77
00:03:05,041 --> 00:03:06,631
Oh, I'm sorry.
Does this bother anyone?
78
00:03:06,709 --> 00:03:08,959
[doorbell rings]
79
00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:10,791
Aah!
80
00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:12,825
I can't take it anymore!
81
00:03:12,917 --> 00:03:15,497
[crashing]
82
00:03:15,583 --> 00:03:18,503
It's okay, Mr. Jolly.
That was really the doorbell.
83
00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:20,503
Hi, Leslie.
84
00:03:20,583 --> 00:03:23,463
Hi, Leonard. My mom wanted
to borrow a cup of milk.
85
00:03:23,542 --> 00:03:26,332
Oh, I'm sorry. You're still in your--
86
00:03:26,417 --> 00:03:28,287
Pajamas!
87
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,375
Change quick. I'll cover for you.
88
00:03:30,458 --> 00:03:31,958
[barking]
89
00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:34,131
Oh, hi, Spot! Who's a good boy?
90
00:03:34,208 --> 00:03:38,168
Who's a good, good boy?
Who's a good little boy?
91
00:03:40,583 --> 00:03:44,083
Okay, Leslie, now I'm ready
to pour you a little milk.
92
00:03:48,709 --> 00:03:52,459
Here you go, and, uh, keep the cup.
93
00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:53,792
Thanks, Leonard.
94
00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:56,125
Bye, Spot!
95
00:03:59,041 --> 00:04:01,881
By the way, Leonard, nice cowboys.
96
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:07,003
That was so not cool.
97
00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:09,963
You can stop now. She's gone.
98
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,711
It's not Leslie.
99
00:04:11,792 --> 00:04:14,382
It's whatever the heck
she smeared on her lips.
100
00:04:14,458 --> 00:04:16,208
Very lemonade-y,
101
00:04:16,291 --> 00:04:18,291
with just a hint o' mint.
102
00:04:20,875 --> 00:04:22,745
There's Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor.
103
00:04:22,834 --> 00:04:25,834
I bet none of the girls
ever saw them in their cowboy pajamas.
104
00:04:26,792 --> 00:04:29,082
Bet they don't even have cowboy pajamas.
105
00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:31,962
Wonder what kind of pajamas
cool guys wear.
106
00:04:32,083 --> 00:04:33,333
Let's ask.
107
00:04:33,417 --> 00:04:35,207
No, wait. That wouldn't be cool.
108
00:04:35,291 --> 00:04:37,751
You wear cowboy pajamas.
What do you care?
109
00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:40,254
I just don't know how
to hang with those guys.
110
00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:42,003
I'm the teacher's kid,
111
00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:44,333
so they don't want
to say anything around me,
112
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:46,627
then I don't know what to say,
113
00:04:46,709 --> 00:04:48,499
then they ignore me.
I end up feeling like a dork.
114
00:04:48,583 --> 00:04:50,043
You worry too much.
115
00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:51,995
Just join in whatever
they're talking about.
116
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,923
You can do it.
You're a bright, clever boy.
117
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,040
Hey, dudes!
118
00:04:57,125 --> 00:04:58,915
-Hey, dudes.
-Hey.
119
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,130
-Hey.
-Hey.
120
00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:02,248
Hey.
121
00:05:02,333 --> 00:05:03,883
[thin voice] Hey.
122
00:05:03,959 --> 00:05:06,919
He, uh, means... [deep voice] Hey.
123
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,960
Did you see Leslie Dunkling today?
124
00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:12,961
Yeah. Her lips are, like, way shiny.
125
00:05:13,083 --> 00:05:14,963
Bet she had bacon for breakfast.
126
00:05:15,041 --> 00:05:17,461
Actually, it's pink-lemonade lip gloss.
127
00:05:17,542 --> 00:05:19,422
It tastes like the real thing,
128
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,380
with just a hint o' mint.
129
00:05:24,208 --> 00:05:25,378
[all] Whoa!
130
00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:27,578
What?
131
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,377
What?
132
00:05:29,458 --> 00:05:31,168
[school bell rings]
133
00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:33,000
Why did you lie about kissing me?
134
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,753
I didn't, Leslie, honest.
135
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,884
I used to think you were the nicest boy,
136
00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:40,879
but now I don't think
I can talk to you again.
137
00:05:40,959 --> 00:05:43,709
I guess guys who wear cowboy pajamas
138
00:05:43,792 --> 00:05:45,462
shouldn't try and be cool.
139
00:05:45,542 --> 00:05:47,712
Leonard kissed Leslie on the lips.
140
00:05:47,792 --> 00:05:51,462
Leonard kicked Leslie on the hips.
141
00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:53,292
Leonard called Leslie a hippo,
142
00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:54,955
and she gave him three flips.
143
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:00,830
Leonard killed Leslie's hippo
144
00:06:00,917 --> 00:06:02,667
with three paper clips.
145
00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:05,960
Duh. Clean your ears, wazaloseky.
146
00:06:06,041 --> 00:06:08,381
Leonard kissed Leslie on the lips.
147
00:06:11,667 --> 00:06:14,577
Hey! There's that quarter
I was looking for!
148
00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:20,077
Cleaning my ears was a really good idea!
149
00:06:20,166 --> 00:06:21,166
Ha ha ha!
150
00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:24,080
Oh, come on, pal. Cheer up.
151
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:25,996
This is just one
of those fourth-grade things
152
00:06:26,083 --> 00:06:27,583
that happens to--
153
00:06:27,667 --> 00:06:29,037
say, are you going to finish
154
00:06:29,125 --> 00:06:32,455
those teriyaki pork dippers? 'Cause, uh,
155
00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:33,962
if you're not...
156
00:06:34,041 --> 00:06:35,751
Come to papa!
157
00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:39,543
Anyway, like I was saying,
158
00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:41,995
by the end of lunch recess,
159
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:44,713
it will have all blown over.
160
00:06:44,792 --> 00:06:47,292
This is, in the words
of William Shakespeare,
161
00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:50,745
the immortal bard of avon,
"much ado about nothing."
162
00:06:50,834 --> 00:06:52,714
Cute play, by the way.
163
00:06:52,792 --> 00:06:54,832
No "Hamlet," tragic prince of Denmark,
164
00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:56,077
but then, what is?
165
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,876
But I digress. Don't worry
about the Leslie rumor.
166
00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:01,749
I'll bet you everyone's
forgotten it already.
167
00:07:01,834 --> 00:07:02,884
Mr. Helperman,
168
00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:05,459
please join me in my office
169
00:07:05,542 --> 00:07:07,752
to discuss a certain rumor.
170
00:07:07,834 --> 00:07:09,464
Now!
171
00:07:09,542 --> 00:07:11,082
Huh. What do you know?
172
00:07:11,166 --> 00:07:13,036
Second time today I've been wrong.
173
00:07:15,542 --> 00:07:18,792
[Mrs. Helperman crying]
174
00:07:18,875 --> 00:07:21,125
A teacher's son!
175
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,788
What did I do wrong?
176
00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:27,165
Where did I fail him?
177
00:07:28,208 --> 00:07:29,878
Don't blame yourself, ma.
178
00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:31,079
Raising kids
179
00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:33,376
is the hardest thing a woman can do.
180
00:07:33,458 --> 00:07:36,958
Even the best young'un
sometimes hits a little bump in the road,
181
00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:39,381
but it's no reflection on you'un.
182
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,878
You did the best you could.
183
00:07:41,959 --> 00:07:43,249
Thank you.
184
00:07:43,333 --> 00:07:44,673
That helps.
185
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:47,080
Just doing my job, ma'am.
186
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:49,286
[sobbing]
187
00:07:49,375 --> 00:07:51,915
Are you comfortable, son?
188
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,710
Goodness knows
189
00:07:53,792 --> 00:07:56,082
I don't want to make you
feel uncomfortable,
190
00:07:56,166 --> 00:07:59,076
like you made that poor,
sweet Leslie Dunkling feel
191
00:07:59,166 --> 00:08:01,206
when you started your vicious,
192
00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:03,831
ugly little kissy-poo rumor!
193
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,627
Well, look, I've upset you.
194
00:08:05,709 --> 00:08:08,289
That's the last thing I want to do.
195
00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:09,955
Can I get you something to drink,
196
00:08:10,041 --> 00:08:12,081
a cup of water
197
00:08:12,166 --> 00:08:14,876
or pink lemonade?
198
00:08:14,959 --> 00:08:18,919
Now I just want to ask you
a few simple questions
199
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,170
before I expel your sorry carcass
200
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:26,330
and send you up the river
to the school for losers!
201
00:08:27,959 --> 00:08:29,329
[teeth chattering]
202
00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:34,633
[Scott] Ahem.
203
00:08:34,709 --> 00:08:37,039
Is Mr. Helperman being formally charged
204
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,825
with the breaking of a school regulation?
205
00:08:38,917 --> 00:08:40,577
What are you-- his lawyer?
206
00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:45,287
Let's just say I'm a concerned friend
of truth and justice in America today,
207
00:08:45,375 --> 00:08:47,495
and as such, I need to know--
208
00:08:47,583 --> 00:08:50,463
what is Leonard Helperman
being charged with,
209
00:08:50,542 --> 00:08:52,922
who is making the charge,
210
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:58,080
and where is the evidence
to substantiate said accusation?
211
00:08:58,166 --> 00:09:00,166
I'm crazy about those lawyer shows.
212
00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:01,460
The girls are kind of skinny,
213
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,382
but you got to love the dialogue.
214
00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:04,748
Kissing rumor, kissing rumor.
215
00:09:04,834 --> 00:09:07,044
I know there's a rule against it.
216
00:09:07,125 --> 00:09:08,705
But I never said I kissed her!
217
00:09:08,792 --> 00:09:11,132
Zip it, Leonard. Don't dig
yourself in any deeper.
218
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:14,540
All I said was her lip gloss
tasted like lemonade.
219
00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:15,825
Deeper.
220
00:09:15,917 --> 00:09:18,037
Well, how else could you
possibly know that?
221
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:20,245
Unless, of course, you happen to be
222
00:09:20,333 --> 00:09:22,463
one of the countless people--
like me--
223
00:09:22,542 --> 00:09:24,212
who suffers from chronic chapped lips...
224
00:09:25,959 --> 00:09:27,249
Go on.
225
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:30,673
And your mom happened
to run out of this stuff
226
00:09:30,750 --> 00:09:32,420
and had to resort to using
227
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:34,330
her own pink-lemonade
flavored lip gloss on you...
228
00:09:34,417 --> 00:09:36,077
Go on.
229
00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:39,326
In which case you'd be able
to prove your innocence
230
00:09:39,417 --> 00:09:41,957
by showing up here
at 9:00 A.M. sharp tomorrow
231
00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:43,631
with said lip gloss in hand.
232
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:44,789
And if he doesn't?
233
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:48,075
Hello, school for losers?
234
00:09:48,166 --> 00:09:50,996
Reservation for one, please.
235
00:09:51,083 --> 00:09:52,173
I object.
236
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:55,170
Make that a table for two.
237
00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:58,130
I respectfully withdraw
my objection, your honor.
238
00:09:58,208 --> 00:10:02,418
Ha ha ha ha!
239
00:10:02,959 --> 00:10:04,459
Did you hear?
240
00:10:04,542 --> 00:10:06,582
Leonard wore his mom's lip gloss.
241
00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:07,917
Did you hear?
242
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,920
Leonard tore his mom's lips off.
243
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,920
[all talking indistinctly]
244
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,830
These Leonard rumors must stop!
245
00:10:15,917 --> 00:10:19,377
Did you hear?
Leonard is roommates with a cop!
246
00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:22,168
Clean your ears, Ian.
247
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:30,828
Hey, wow. A half dollar.
My head is a bank!
248
00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:35,417
Rumors, gossip, speculation.
None of you knows the truth.
249
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:36,960
I know Ruth,
250
00:10:37,041 --> 00:10:39,001
and I hope that one day
251
00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:43,793
she'll be Mrs. Ian Wazaloseky.
252
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:47,035
Ick! Oh, I'm so totally embarrassed.
253
00:10:47,125 --> 00:10:49,325
Thanks a lot, Scott.
254
00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:50,997
That's what I'm talking about.
255
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:53,043
Just 'cause you hear something
256
00:10:53,125 --> 00:10:54,665
doesn't mean it's true.
257
00:10:54,750 --> 00:10:56,630
You know, our 16th president's wife--
258
00:10:56,709 --> 00:10:57,999
Mrs. Mary Todd Lincoln--
259
00:10:58,083 --> 00:11:00,173
was rumored to have been a
confederate spy.
260
00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:03,040
[voices] Mary is a spy, Mary is a spy.
261
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:05,415
[woman] Mary Lincoln is a rebel lover.
262
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,420
It was completely unfounded gossip,
263
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,000
but it caused pain
264
00:11:09,083 --> 00:11:12,253
to one of history's greatest presidents...
265
00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:13,213
This guy?
266
00:11:13,291 --> 00:11:15,041
Yes, Ian.
267
00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:17,915
And widened the rift
between brother and brother
268
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,710
in the north and the south,
269
00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:21,132
which is to say
270
00:11:21,208 --> 00:11:25,578
no one kissed Leslie dunkling
on the lips!
271
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:28,077
She's a nice girl with nice lip gloss.
272
00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:30,126
Let's leave it at that.
273
00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:31,748
[mumbles]
274
00:11:31,834 --> 00:11:33,134
Not one word.
275
00:11:33,208 --> 00:11:35,128
I was just going to ask
276
00:11:35,208 --> 00:11:37,878
if you'd be my best man at the wedding.
277
00:11:37,959 --> 00:11:41,629
Ruthie and I would love a toast like that
278
00:11:41,709 --> 00:11:43,879
at the reception, huh, honey?
279
00:11:43,959 --> 00:11:46,079
Aah!
280
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:50,959
Thank you for defending me, Scott.
281
00:11:51,041 --> 00:11:53,921
Now I think you're
the nicest boy in class.
282
00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:56,955
-Oh.
-Ha ha.
283
00:11:57,041 --> 00:11:59,581
Honest-- that wasn't
what I was going for.
284
00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:01,037
Come on.
285
00:12:01,125 --> 00:12:03,705
We've got to go find ourselves
that lipstick.
286
00:12:03,792 --> 00:12:06,082
Why do you need to find a dipstick?
287
00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:10,126
No, see, he-- we--
288
00:12:10,208 --> 00:12:12,748
Oh, we just do.
289
00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:25,918
[glass rattling]
290
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:31,210
Cherry, mango, peach... Kiwi?
291
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:32,881
Ugh!
292
00:12:32,959 --> 00:12:35,209
My mom's got every
lip gloss in the world
293
00:12:35,291 --> 00:12:37,751
but pink lemonade
with just a hint o' mint.
294
00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:39,134
Poor pathetic humans.
295
00:12:39,208 --> 00:12:40,748
When we birds
296
00:12:40,834 --> 00:12:43,794
want a part of our body
to be shiny and attractive,
297
00:12:43,875 --> 00:12:45,575
we just secrete something...
298
00:12:46,709 --> 00:12:50,709
And voilà! Hot-chattattee-cha!
299
00:12:50,792 --> 00:12:53,832
Hey, Jolly, how do I look, baby?
300
00:12:53,917 --> 00:12:57,327
I can't turn my head to see.
301
00:12:57,417 --> 00:12:58,577
[bell jingling]
302
00:12:58,667 --> 00:13:00,577
It'll make that sound again.
303
00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:02,877
Oh, the bells, bells, bells,
304
00:13:02,959 --> 00:13:05,789
bells, bells, bells, bells, bells.
305
00:13:07,041 --> 00:13:08,751
You got to do something about this guy.
306
00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:11,004
He's 10 times more depressing than usual.
307
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,333
Later. We've got to find
a pink-lemonade lip gloss
308
00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:16,327
with just a hint o' mint
by 9:00 A.M. tomorrow,
309
00:13:16,417 --> 00:13:17,627
or Leonard is toast.
310
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:20,919
I wonder what it would be like
to live in a normal house.
311
00:13:23,959 --> 00:13:27,079
How are we even going
to pay for this anyway?
312
00:13:27,166 --> 00:13:28,666
I don't have any money.
313
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:31,170
No problem. Ian loaned me
a couple of bucks.
314
00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:34,210
-Ew!
-Ew!
315
00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,461
Promise you'll give me a bath
when we get home tonight.
316
00:13:36,542 --> 00:13:39,002
May I help you, boys?
317
00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:41,173
One pink-lemonade lip gloss
318
00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:43,500
with just a hint o' mint, please.
319
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:45,503
Sorry. I sold my last one
320
00:13:45,583 --> 00:13:48,133
to that cute little
Leslie Dunkling just yesterday,
321
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:51,168
and I won't be getting
a new shipment till sometime...
322
00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:53,830
[breathes in deeply]
323
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:56,167
After 9:00 A.M. tomorrow morning.
324
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:57,670
I'm toast.
325
00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:00,290
No, you're not.
326
00:14:00,375 --> 00:14:02,375
Not while I've got breath in my body,
327
00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:04,288
ideas in my head,
328
00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:06,035
and a fist full of quarters.
329
00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:08,915
-Ew.
-Ew.
330
00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:17,713
We got your pink. We got your lemons.
331
00:14:17,792 --> 00:14:19,002
We got your gloss.
332
00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:21,293
Ooh, wait. Is floor Polish toxic?
333
00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:23,535
"Not to be taken internally."
334
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,825
Bye-bye to you.
335
00:14:26,917 --> 00:14:29,207
Ahh, a little oil de la veggie.
336
00:14:29,291 --> 00:14:32,171
That should do the trick.
We got your gloss,
337
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:35,130
and, finally, la pièce de résistance...
338
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,749
The hint o' mint.
339
00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:48,667
I love the supermarket.
340
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:51,130
Come on. We got to get this done.
341
00:14:51,208 --> 00:14:52,458
Don't make such a big deal
out of everything.
342
00:14:52,542 --> 00:14:55,172
Easy for you to say.
You come here every week.
343
00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:56,790
This is my first venture into...
344
00:14:56,875 --> 00:14:59,915
[deep voice] Aisle 4-b--
cereal, cookies, cake mix.
345
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,080
Buy two, get one free.
346
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:05,576
[gasps] Oh, my stars and garters.
347
00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:08,577
Have you ever seen
so much kibble in your life?
348
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:12,577
Could we please just go check out?
349
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:20,249
How many lemons make lemonade-y?
350
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:22,503
Got me. How much mint in a hint?
351
00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:24,293
Well, any great chef will tell you--
352
00:15:24,375 --> 00:15:26,125
cooking isn't a science. It's an art.
353
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:29,248
[bell jingling]
354
00:15:29,333 --> 00:15:31,333
[imitating Quasimodo]
Please, monseigneur, please,
355
00:15:31,417 --> 00:15:33,957
let me ring the bell just once!
356
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:37,791
I must ring the bell. It's my job!
357
00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:40,745
That's not funny. It's just mean.
358
00:15:40,834 --> 00:15:45,964
I haven't cracked up this much
since I was inside the egg.
359
00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:52,462
[timer dings]
360
00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:53,963
That wasn't me.
361
00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:55,541
[rings bell]
362
00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:56,747
That was me.
363
00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:58,754
[French accent]
Oh, oh, oh.
364
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,794
There she is looking good,
365
00:16:00,875 --> 00:16:03,995
and we'll just take a little taste.
366
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,173
Yuck!
367
00:16:09,291 --> 00:16:12,331
Not lemonade-y with just a hint o' mint?
368
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,130
It's a hint o' something, all right,
369
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,498
but I can't say what out loud.
370
00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:20,253
[sighs] Oh, well.
371
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:22,923
We couldn't find it, we couldn't buy it,
372
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,580
and we couldn't make it.
373
00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:27,959
I guess I'll just have to go
to the school for losers.
374
00:16:28,041 --> 00:16:29,831
[horn honking]
375
00:16:29,959 --> 00:16:33,379
[children laughing]
376
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:40,633
I can't let you do it, pal.
377
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,669
Somehow, some way, somewhere,
378
00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:46,830
we've got to get our hands
on a pink-lemonade lip gloss,
379
00:16:46,917 --> 00:16:48,577
just like the little girl
next door's.
380
00:16:48,667 --> 00:16:52,497
Hey, wait a minute.
381
00:16:52,583 --> 00:16:55,923
Oh, no. No, no, no.
382
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,040
Life is not fair.
383
00:17:00,125 --> 00:17:03,785
I'm sneaking out to find a gloss
to prove a lie I didn't tell
384
00:17:03,917 --> 00:17:06,207
to stop a rumor I didn't start.
385
00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:07,673
And we all live in the house
that Jack built.
386
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:08,630
What?
387
00:17:08,709 --> 00:17:10,629
You should've paid
more attention in preschool.
388
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:12,501
Come on.
389
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:16,790
We're just going to see
390
00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:18,785
if we can borrow Leslie's lip gloss
391
00:17:18,875 --> 00:17:20,165
till 9:00 A.M. tomorrow.
392
00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,834
Once you're cleared
of the lie you didn't tell
393
00:17:24,917 --> 00:17:26,207
to stop the rumor you didn't start--
394
00:17:26,291 --> 00:17:27,631
et cetera, et cetera--
395
00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:29,249
we'll simply climb back up and return it.
396
00:17:29,333 --> 00:17:30,833
No harm, no foul.
397
00:17:37,291 --> 00:17:39,171
Eureka! I have found it!
398
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:41,540
Think quick--
what ancient Greek coined that phrase?
399
00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:43,077
[makes buzzer sound]
400
00:17:43,166 --> 00:17:45,996
Archimedes. Got to be
a little quicker, Leonard.
401
00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:48,125
Although, properly speaking,
I should've either said
402
00:17:48,208 --> 00:17:50,128
"Eureka" or "I have found it,"
403
00:17:50,208 --> 00:17:51,918
since they both mean the same--
404
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,040
just go get it!
405
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:54,625
All right, all right.
406
00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:56,879
I think I can reach--
407
00:17:56,959 --> 00:17:58,039
Aah!
408
00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:00,575
Oh! Ugh!
409
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,080
So... this is a girl's room.
410
00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:12,246
[sniffs]
411
00:18:12,375 --> 00:18:14,825
Sugar and spice. Nice.
412
00:18:14,917 --> 00:18:17,037
[doorknob turning]
413
00:18:17,125 --> 00:18:18,745
Uh-oh.
414
00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:25,383
What are you doing here?
415
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:28,170
[panting and barking]
416
00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:33,502
[whimpering]
417
00:18:35,959 --> 00:18:41,079
That is one quick-witted dog.
418
00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:42,418
You silly boy.
419
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:45,040
We have to get you back to your house,
420
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,375
but first-- give me a big doggy kiss.
421
00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:49,998
[thinking] Isn't this what got us here
422
00:18:50,083 --> 00:18:51,383
in the first place?
423
00:18:51,458 --> 00:18:54,378
Mmm. Coconut cream.
424
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:57,378
[snoring]
425
00:18:57,458 --> 00:18:59,328
Hmm. Ha ha ha ha.
426
00:18:59,458 --> 00:19:01,168
[bell jingling]
427
00:19:01,291 --> 00:19:05,421
Ding. Everywhere I go I ding.
428
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:08,380
I can't eat. I can't sleep.
429
00:19:08,458 --> 00:19:11,748
All I can do is... ding!
430
00:19:11,875 --> 00:19:13,245
Okay,
431
00:19:13,375 --> 00:19:16,165
this bell thing was good
for a couple of laughs,
432
00:19:16,291 --> 00:19:18,421
but now it's just getting on my nerves!
433
00:19:18,542 --> 00:19:21,792
[bell jingling]
434
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,208
There. Happy?
435
00:19:29,291 --> 00:19:31,211
Oh, thank you, Pretty Boy.
436
00:19:31,291 --> 00:19:36,041
Ahh, ahh, ahh.
437
00:19:36,166 --> 00:19:39,206
Oh.
438
00:19:40,291 --> 00:19:41,581
What's the matter now?
439
00:19:41,709 --> 00:19:44,669
It's too quiet. I miss my bell.
440
00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,712
Oy.
441
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:51,500
[bell jingling]
442
00:19:56,166 --> 00:19:58,876
[humming]
443
00:19:59,792 --> 00:20:02,292
Cats. Next time leave them off the ark!
444
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:04,535
[thunder rumbles]
445
00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:08,077
Gee, Leslie, I can't imagine
how the heck he got up there,
446
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,038
but thanks a lot for bringing him back.
447
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,535
I did it for him, not for you...
448
00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:14,785
Mr. Liar.
449
00:20:14,917 --> 00:20:19,247
She'll never trust me again.
She'll never like me again.
450
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:20,753
I'll never be able
to convince her
451
00:20:20,834 --> 00:20:22,544
I wasn't lying about the kiss.
452
00:20:22,625 --> 00:20:25,035
Yeah, that's too bad. Wait a minute!
453
00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:27,575
What's that in your ear, bunky?
454
00:20:27,709 --> 00:20:29,419
Abracadabra!
455
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:30,830
Pink lemonade!
456
00:20:30,917 --> 00:20:33,167
With just a hint o' mint.
457
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:35,170
Ha ha ha ha ha.
458
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:37,290
Grabbed it on the way out.
459
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're cleared.
460
00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:42,463
Now take it and get out of here.
461
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:43,672
Case dismissed.
462
00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:47,670
And once again Principal Crosby Strickler
463
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:51,040
saves another fine young lad
from the school for losers.
464
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,575
[sighs]
465
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:55,127
Mmm.
466
00:20:59,417 --> 00:21:01,457
Well, I guess I learned my lesson.
467
00:21:01,583 --> 00:21:05,043
What, you're never going to talk big again
just to fit in with the cool guys?
468
00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:06,575
No.
469
00:21:06,667 --> 00:21:08,247
Oh, you'll never ever start a rumor
470
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:09,793
because you know what a mess
it makes of everything?
471
00:21:09,917 --> 00:21:11,707
That's a good one, but no.
472
00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:13,504
What did you learn?
473
00:21:13,625 --> 00:21:15,995
I am never going to answer the door again
474
00:21:16,083 --> 00:21:17,753
wearing these stupid cowboy pajamas.
475
00:21:17,875 --> 00:21:19,915
Oh, well,
476
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,920
then all of our efforts
have not been in vain.
477
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,670
[doorbell rings]
478
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:26,000
I'll get it!
479
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,540
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh... ♪
480
00:21:29,667 --> 00:21:31,247
Hi, Leslie.
481
00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,173
Hi, Leonard. I just wanted to apologize
482
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:34,960
for ever thinking you would tell a lie
483
00:21:35,083 --> 00:21:37,423
or start a rumor or any of that bad stuff.
484
00:21:37,542 --> 00:21:40,292
That's okay. Everyone makes mistakes.
485
00:21:40,375 --> 00:21:42,285
Thanks for understanding.
486
00:21:42,375 --> 00:21:44,325
Oh, and, Leonard...
487
00:21:44,458 --> 00:21:45,458
Yes, Leslie?
488
00:21:45,583 --> 00:21:47,673
Nice fire-truck jammies.
[chuckles]
489
00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:50,750
[siren wails]
490
00:21:50,875 --> 00:21:54,245
I guess this is why men
sleep in their skivvies.
33690
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