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♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪
2
00:00:01,959 --> 00:00:04,329
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪
3
00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:05,705
♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪
4
00:00:05,792 --> 00:00:07,422
♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,880
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
6
00:00:08,959 --> 00:00:09,879
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪
7
00:00:09,959 --> 00:00:11,789
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪
8
00:00:11,875 --> 00:00:14,205
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪
9
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,631
♪ I have buried a bone
For the last time ♪
10
00:00:16,709 --> 00:00:18,039
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪
11
00:00:18,125 --> 00:00:19,875
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
12
00:00:19,959 --> 00:00:21,249
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
13
00:00:21,333 --> 00:00:22,583
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
14
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,247
♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪
15
00:00:25,333 --> 00:00:26,673
♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪
16
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420
♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪
17
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:31,000
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?
18
00:00:31,083 --> 00:00:33,083
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
19
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,126
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
20
00:00:35,208 --> 00:00:36,788
I hate dogs.
21
00:00:36,875 --> 00:00:39,745
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
22
00:00:39,834 --> 00:00:41,504
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
23
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,503
I do not wish to be a dog.
24
00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083
♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪
25
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,536
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
26
00:00:47,625 --> 00:00:49,075
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
27
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206
♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪
28
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:53,331
Yes!
29
00:00:59,875 --> 00:01:02,745
[wolf howls]
30
00:01:12,417 --> 00:01:15,207
[opera music playing]
31
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[snoring]
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-[music stops]
-Aah!
33
00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:33,674
Rise and shine, gooey gumball!
34
00:01:33,750 --> 00:01:37,330
Where's my big, old fourth grade boy?
Ooh, I have to give him a kiss.
35
00:01:37,458 --> 00:01:38,418
Mwah!
36
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,250
Mom, you're not gonna do that at school.
37
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:43,543
Oh, of course not, Mr. Worry-Pants.
38
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:44,745
At school, I'm not mommy,
39
00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:48,334
I'm just Mrs. Helperman,
your fourth grade teacher.
40
00:01:49,166 --> 00:01:51,746
And I'm just Leonard Helperman...
41
00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:52,964
Class dork.
42
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:58,420
Ha ha ha ha.
I love you, too, Spot.
43
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,420
[sighs] But even dog breath
and slobber kisses
44
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:01,880
can't help me today.
45
00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:05,249
This is gonna be the crummiest year ever.
46
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:08,583
Boy, I wish I could stay home
like you, Spot.
47
00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:12,747
Stay home like me? Are you insane, boy?
48
00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:15,674
Would that I could go to school like you.
49
00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:17,670
[thinking] What wouldn't
I give to breathe in
50
00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:20,710
the smell of a freshly sharpened pencil,
51
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,212
to thrill to the crack of the binding
52
00:02:23,291 --> 00:02:26,831
of a math book being opened
for the first time, to--
53
00:02:26,917 --> 00:02:28,537
[door opens]
54
00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:30,165
Cut it out, Spot.
55
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:31,580
That's gross.
56
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,290
[thinking] To walk down
the hallowed halls of learning
57
00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:43,705
in brand-new sneakers
58
00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:46,832
that have yet to see the light of day.
59
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,327
But, no, I'm a dog.
60
00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:53,627
I stay home and bite my buttocks.
61
00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:57,083
Surprise, hon!
For the first day of school.
62
00:02:57,166 --> 00:02:59,576
A purple bunny backpack?
63
00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:03,077
You think Tyler, Taylor,
or Trevor would be caught dead
64
00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:05,536
wearing a purple bunny backpack?
65
00:03:05,625 --> 00:03:07,705
I thought-- I thought
it would be special.
66
00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:10,712
I don't want to be special, Mom.
67
00:03:10,792 --> 00:03:13,832
I just want to be normal.
I just want to fit in.
68
00:03:13,917 --> 00:03:16,327
Okay, well, if it makes you more comfy,
69
00:03:16,417 --> 00:03:18,497
just use your old backpack, doodle bug.
70
00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:21,883
And don't call me doodle bug!!
71
00:03:21,959 --> 00:03:24,329
Oh, right... I, uh...
72
00:03:24,417 --> 00:03:26,327
I meant dude.
73
00:03:32,792 --> 00:03:34,422
Hi, Leslie.
74
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:36,960
I like your dress.
75
00:03:38,792 --> 00:03:40,042
Hi, Leonard.
76
00:03:40,125 --> 00:03:41,535
[gasps] Hi, Spot!
77
00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:43,877
Yes, oh, what a good boy!
78
00:03:43,959 --> 00:03:45,959
Yes, what a good, good dog.
79
00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:48,081
That's a really pretty dress.
80
00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:51,706
It's the nicest dress I ever saw on you.
81
00:03:51,792 --> 00:03:54,882
Oh, you're the best doggy
in the whole world.
82
00:03:54,959 --> 00:03:56,669
Yeah, he's the greatest.
83
00:03:56,750 --> 00:04:00,460
Go home, Spot.
84
00:04:00,542 --> 00:04:02,132
[crash]
85
00:04:03,166 --> 00:04:05,786
Sorry, fella.
Dogs can't come to school.
86
00:04:06,542 --> 00:04:09,712
Aw, poor little guy.
Bet he wishes he could.
87
00:04:12,542 --> 00:04:15,922
Hmm. If only you knew how much.
88
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:21,330
Oh, if only I'd been born a kid
instead of a stupid slobbering dog.
89
00:04:23,792 --> 00:04:27,632
Oh, Spot, I can't understand you at all.
90
00:04:27,709 --> 00:04:30,579
I just feel so cheated by fate!
91
00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:32,707
He means he can't understand you
92
00:04:32,792 --> 00:04:34,502
with that stupid tennis ball
in your mouth, dummy.
93
00:04:34,583 --> 00:04:37,333
Oh. Sorry.
94
00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:39,995
Isn't that just the story of my life--
95
00:04:40,083 --> 00:04:43,173
a ball in my mouth
instead of a book in my hand.
96
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,960
Ugh. Filthy, nasty habit.
97
00:04:45,041 --> 00:04:46,331
You don't know where that ball's been.
98
00:04:46,417 --> 00:04:51,787
Pretty Boy does have a point.
It could be crawling with outdoor cooties,
99
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,325
and the lord only knows
100
00:04:53,417 --> 00:04:54,917
if your vaccinations are current.
101
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,880
Oh, this is bad.
It's is very bad.
102
00:04:57,959 --> 00:05:00,919
What difference does it make
whether I live or die
103
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,880
from old tennis ball germs
104
00:05:02,959 --> 00:05:05,459
if the rest of my life is to be spent
105
00:05:05,542 --> 00:05:08,712
in a pile of dirty clothes,
trapped between these walls
106
00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:10,922
waiting for the people to come home?
107
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,420
Did they feed him this morning?
108
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,710
Wait a minute!
109
00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:17,382
Who says I have to live like this?
110
00:05:17,458 --> 00:05:18,748
Why must I settle?
111
00:05:18,834 --> 00:05:22,134
Where is it written
that I have to suffer my days
112
00:05:22,208 --> 00:05:24,918
lying on a pile of cast-off dirty clothes?
113
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,500
In the Doggy Handbook, bobo, chapter one,
114
00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:29,713
right after "scratch the door to get out"!
115
00:05:29,792 --> 00:05:32,422
No, don't you see? This is my destiny.
116
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,630
I was the runt of the litter,
117
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,459
abandoned by a cruel pet-store owner
118
00:05:37,542 --> 00:05:39,962
before my eyes even turned brown,
119
00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:44,251
but a kindly fourth grade class
on a field trip rescued me
120
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:47,463
and took me into the bosom
of their classroom.
121
00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:51,455
Oh, how I yearn for that golden puppyhood.
122
00:05:52,083 --> 00:05:55,293
It's been my lifelong dream to return.
123
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,211
What's he talking about?
What's he doing?
124
00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:04,631
I am going to school.
125
00:06:04,709 --> 00:06:07,959
Gasp! Out there? You can't.
126
00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:10,631
Oh, can't I?
127
00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:11,669
Hey.
128
00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:12,790
What's up?
129
00:06:12,875 --> 00:06:16,125
Look at that weird kid
running on all fours!
130
00:06:18,875 --> 00:06:20,625
Now I've seen everything.
131
00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:29,915
[gasps]
132
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,580
[children laughing]
133
00:06:38,041 --> 00:06:39,541
Wow.
134
00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:40,625
Ow!
135
00:06:40,709 --> 00:06:43,999
Ohh. Oh, no, not here.
136
00:06:44,083 --> 00:06:45,713
Not now.
137
00:06:45,792 --> 00:06:47,132
Are you okay, kid?
138
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:49,998
I-I-I-I-I'll be fine.
139
00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:53,043
Uh, the color of it just
shocked me, that's all.
140
00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:56,245
Yeah, it's yellow, all right.
141
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,793
Well, see you later.
142
00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:00,035
Ha ha ha.
See you later.
143
00:07:00,125 --> 00:07:03,415
I'm a boy, not a dog-- a boy, not a dog.
144
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:06,790
Don't blow it now.
They wouldn't understand.
145
00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:08,285
[inhales deeply]
146
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,785
[panting]
147
00:07:12,917 --> 00:07:14,877
What's your problem?
148
00:07:34,583 --> 00:07:35,963
Phbt!
149
00:07:49,291 --> 00:07:50,501
-We like your dress.
-We like your dress.
150
00:07:50,583 --> 00:07:51,883
Really?
151
00:07:51,959 --> 00:07:53,499
Kelsey and Chelsea like my dress.
152
00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:54,963
I-I like your dress.
153
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,631
You better not talk.
154
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:59,919
You're going to get
in trouble with your mom.
155
00:08:00,041 --> 00:08:01,921
[children murmuring]
156
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,330
New kid.
157
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:07,287
Oh, hello. Are you supposed
to be in this class?
158
00:08:07,375 --> 00:08:10,205
Um, I, uh, uh, um, uh...
159
00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:11,881
Are you a fourth grader?
160
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,379
Y-Y-Yes!
161
00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:17,208
Then you're supposed to be
in this class. What's your name?
162
00:08:17,291 --> 00:08:18,211
Spot.
163
00:08:18,291 --> 00:08:19,921
Did you say Scott?
164
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,500
Uh, yeah, that's a good boy's name.
165
00:08:22,583 --> 00:08:24,463
Uh-huh. And what's your last name, Scott?
166
00:08:24,542 --> 00:08:27,172
Last name? Uh...
167
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:28,500
Uh...
168
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:32,003
Give me a second. Um...
169
00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:34,133
Leadready Number Two.
170
00:08:34,208 --> 00:08:35,788
Oh, the second.
171
00:08:35,875 --> 00:08:38,125
Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.
172
00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:42,128
Well, everyone, say hello
to your new classmate
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00:08:42,208 --> 00:08:43,998
Scott Leadready II.
174
00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:46,503
[all] Hi, Scott.
175
00:08:46,583 --> 00:08:49,293
Hi, guys!
176
00:08:50,917 --> 00:08:53,037
Ooh.
177
00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:54,575
Formica.
178
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,830
Cool purple bunny backpack.
179
00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:01,327
Darn.
180
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,417
Boys and girls,
181
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:09,460
please take out your
"Adventures In Math" books.
182
00:09:09,542 --> 00:09:14,582
Ha ha ha ha! Today we begin
long division.
183
00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:15,877
Long division!
184
00:09:15,959 --> 00:09:20,039
Ooh, not just division, but long division!
185
00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:24,325
First participles, now this.
Oh, what a day!
186
00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:27,917
Good morning, boys and girls.
187
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,750
I just wanted to stop in
and welcome you
188
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:32,384
to the, uh, the, um...
189
00:09:32,458 --> 00:09:34,248
Um, fourth grade, Principal Strickler.
190
00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:35,753
The fourth grade!
191
00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:39,214
Ah, yes, I remember the fourth grade.
192
00:09:39,291 --> 00:09:42,671
That was the year some irresponsible child
193
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,750
violated school policy
194
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:49,134
and brought a cute new puppy in
for show-and-tell,
195
00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:51,788
and do you know what happened?
196
00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:53,495
It bit off half my thumb!
197
00:09:53,583 --> 00:09:54,583
I hate dogs.
198
00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:55,877
[meow]
199
00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:59,289
Ah, this world would be a better place
200
00:09:59,375 --> 00:10:03,075
if they were all just kitty cats.
201
00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:04,826
Am I right, young man?
202
00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:07,037
Uh... right!
203
00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:07,995
[screeches]
204
00:10:08,083 --> 00:10:10,463
What's this? Tallulah smells a dog.
205
00:10:10,542 --> 00:10:11,582
I-I...
206
00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,287
I have a dog at home.
207
00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:15,785
Maybe she smells him on my clothes.
208
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:19,455
Yes, that must be it.
Next time wash your clothes better,
209
00:10:19,542 --> 00:10:23,462
and whatever you do,
make sure that dog stays home
210
00:10:23,542 --> 00:10:26,382
and never comes to school.
211
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:27,708
[growls]
212
00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:29,542
Right.
213
00:10:29,625 --> 00:10:34,455
Good. Uhh! Come...On, pretty-- uhh!
214
00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:37,962
Let's go next door
and welcome the um, uh...
215
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:39,461
Fifth grade, Principal Strickler.
216
00:10:39,542 --> 00:10:44,332
Fifth grade! Ah, yes,
I remember the fifth grade.
217
00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:46,287
Don't get me started.
218
00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:53,127
Now, who can tell me what this word means?
219
00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:57,128
Okay, um...
220
00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:59,328
Well, I know that there is
221
00:10:59,417 --> 00:11:02,667
at least one
very, very smart boy here
222
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,540
who can give us a definition
223
00:11:04,625 --> 00:11:08,375
because he learned it at home, right?
224
00:11:10,542 --> 00:11:12,422
Democracy--
225
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:13,750
a form of government
226
00:11:13,834 --> 00:11:16,004
in which the power is granted
to the people,
227
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,423
born in ancient Greece
228
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:19,920
and adopted
by our bewigged founding fathers
229
00:11:20,041 --> 00:11:21,291
of the Second Continental Congress
230
00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:27,375
on a muggy July 4th
in Philadelphia, PA, 1776.
231
00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:30,248
[cheering]
232
00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:34,456
That new kid's going to really
take the pressure off us.
233
00:11:34,542 --> 00:11:36,172
-Cool.
-Cool.
234
00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:38,580
Wow, Scott. You're really smart.
235
00:11:38,667 --> 00:11:41,917
I knew that. I just didn't
want to show off.
236
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,330
Oh, an excellent answer, Scott.
237
00:11:45,417 --> 00:11:47,417
You may sit.
238
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:52,330
Okay, now, as a part
of our unit on democracy,
239
00:11:52,417 --> 00:11:56,167
we are going to hold
our very own election!
240
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:57,880
Yay!
241
00:12:00,208 --> 00:12:02,328
[clears throat] Okay, then.
242
00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:05,377
Um, so whoever wants
to run for class president,
243
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,288
you may nominate yourself
244
00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:10,705
by writing your name
on the chalkboard right now.
245
00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:15,625
[panting]
246
00:12:20,959 --> 00:12:23,629
[all] Ewww-en!
247
00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:25,709
We call him that
'cause he's so disgusting.
248
00:12:25,792 --> 00:12:29,292
Ian, uh, chalk is for writing, not eating.
249
00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:31,825
Oh, oh, but it's got secret ingredients
250
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:35,457
from the deep underlayers
of the Brazilian rain forest.
251
00:12:35,542 --> 00:12:36,672
You want some?
252
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:43,580
Okey-dokey. Ha ha. Anyone else?
253
00:12:43,917 --> 00:12:47,827
Would anyone else like to run?
254
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:51,497
Oh, great. She expects me
to put my name up,
255
00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,883
and then everyone's going to feel
like they have to vote for me
256
00:12:53,959 --> 00:12:55,419
because my mom's the teacher.
257
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:58,330
And big deal-- I'll win
against Ian Wazaloseky.
258
00:12:58,417 --> 00:13:01,167
Ha ha ha ha!
Well, super-dee-duper!
259
00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:03,250
We have another candidate.
260
00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:04,583
[all] New kid!
261
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:06,327
[all] New kid!
262
00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:07,997
[all] New kid!
263
00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:12,003
Boy, he's got guts.
And on his first day, too.
264
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:17,833
[all chanting] New kid! New kid! New kid!
New kid! New kid! New kid! New kid!
265
00:13:22,208 --> 00:13:24,288
[cheering]
266
00:13:24,375 --> 00:13:25,535
Hey, what's going on?
267
00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:30,542
[opera music playing]
268
00:13:40,583 --> 00:13:43,003
-Isn't he awesome?
-Isn't he awesome?
269
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,213
So totally.
270
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:47,671
Big deal. My dog can do the same thing.
271
00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,630
[toilet flushes]
272
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,040
I know who you are, and I know
273
00:13:56,125 --> 00:13:58,165
why you can leap 5 feet in the air
274
00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,710
and catch a frisbee with your teeth.
275
00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:03,882
I know why you have
a purple bunny backpack.
276
00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:05,379
Yes, Leonard, it's true.
277
00:14:05,458 --> 00:14:07,668
You're from the alternative school!
278
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:09,420
No, Leonard, I'm--
279
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,420
admit it!
280
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,210
Huh? What's this?
281
00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:14,421
Spot Helperman?
282
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:17,130
What have you done with my dog?
283
00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:19,168
That's what I've been
trying to tell you, Leonard.
284
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,880
I am your dog.
285
00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:23,129
No!
286
00:14:25,959 --> 00:14:28,209
-[boys] What's up?
-Nothing. Just a bad reaction
287
00:14:28,291 --> 00:14:30,671
to the, uh, cafeteria's
turkey chili nachos.
288
00:14:30,750 --> 00:14:33,170
You might want to leave, guys.
289
00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:34,130
It could get ugly.
290
00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:35,538
Later, dudes.
291
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,785
You-- you can talk.
292
00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:41,995
Yes, I can, Leonard.
293
00:14:42,083 --> 00:14:43,383
-How long?
-The whole time.
294
00:14:43,458 --> 00:14:45,078
And Pretty Boy, Mr. Jolly?
295
00:14:45,166 --> 00:14:46,876
Mm-hmm, all of us.
296
00:14:50,417 --> 00:14:52,457
This is too weird.
297
00:14:52,542 --> 00:14:54,632
Look, no one else needs to know.
298
00:14:54,709 --> 00:14:56,379
Well, of course no one can know.
299
00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:58,038
Are you kidding? Jeez.
300
00:14:58,125 --> 00:15:00,785
If I thought being the teacher's son
301
00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:02,125
made me a freak...
302
00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:03,038
You have to go.
303
00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:05,955
You have to go home right now.
304
00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:08,921
What, before spelling?
Are you out of your mind?
305
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,670
You can't stay here.
You're-- you're a dog.
306
00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:14,210
I do not wish
to be a dog.
307
00:15:14,291 --> 00:15:15,581
It's what you are!
308
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,876
I expected this from the other pets,
309
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,379
but not from you.
310
00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:22,418
No, Leonard, I have finally
311
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,920
found my place in the world.
312
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,630
I am staying at school.
313
00:15:26,709 --> 00:15:29,459
I am staying in the fourth grade.
314
00:15:29,542 --> 00:15:32,582
And what's more, by this time tomorrow,
315
00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:35,167
I will be president of our class!
316
00:15:35,250 --> 00:15:36,330
Oh, no. No.
317
00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:37,497
You can't run.
318
00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:39,423
If you're president,
319
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:42,210
I'll never get you to go home.
320
00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:43,751
Precisely.
321
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:46,827
Okay, that's it.
322
00:15:46,917 --> 00:15:51,497
I'm through trying to reason with my dog!
323
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:53,883
I know what I have to do.
324
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:02,957
Oh, I am so proud
of my ittle-wittle kid-adid.
325
00:16:03,083 --> 00:16:04,173
Oh, ho ho.
326
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:07,500
Mom, not at school!
327
00:16:07,583 --> 00:16:10,423
[clock ticking]
328
00:16:10,542 --> 00:16:13,752
I've got to win this thing.
I've got to beat that dog.
329
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:15,884
Leonard, that's no way to talk
330
00:16:15,959 --> 00:16:18,169
about your fellow office-seeker.
331
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:22,540
I can stomach the Mary's lamb routine--
332
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,995
you follow him to school
one day, yada, yada.
333
00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:27,633
But running against
your master for president--
334
00:16:27,709 --> 00:16:29,459
that's way over the line!!
335
00:16:29,542 --> 00:16:31,132
Yes, it's bad Karma, Spot.
336
00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:34,248
Oh, dear, oh, me,
you're going against nature.
337
00:16:34,375 --> 00:16:35,745
Nature invented the flea.
338
00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,075
What care I for nature?
339
00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:41,286
You're a real piece of work.
340
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:45,375
And so if you elect me, Leonard Helperman,
341
00:16:45,458 --> 00:16:49,288
I promise I will be a good president.
342
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:52,165
Politics is not for wimps.
343
00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:55,330
I need a drink. Ah, chocolate milk.
344
00:16:55,417 --> 00:16:56,327
Leonard!
345
00:16:56,417 --> 00:16:58,627
I was getting a glass.
346
00:16:58,709 --> 00:17:01,709
Well, I think you better feed your dog.
347
00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:03,882
Oh, look how hungry he is.
348
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,330
[growling]
349
00:17:05,417 --> 00:17:07,247
Aah! No! No!
350
00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:09,043
My speech.
351
00:17:09,125 --> 00:17:10,495
Bad boy! Out!
352
00:17:10,583 --> 00:17:12,133
Out!
353
00:17:12,208 --> 00:17:13,708
Perhaps you should have gone
354
00:17:13,792 --> 00:17:17,922
to the pain of memorizing it, like I did.
355
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,580
["The Stars and Stripes Forever" playing]
356
00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:23,377
You need a leader--
357
00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:27,418
someone who dares
to think outside the box,
358
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,630
color outside the lines,
359
00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:33,249
someone who, when others say, "I can't,"
360
00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:38,213
can say, in the words
of the great Sammy Davis Jr.,
361
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,501
"Yes, I can!"
362
00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:42,043
Y-You need a kid like you,
363
00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:45,285
a normal, regular kid
364
00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:48,125
who does normal, regular kid stuff like--
365
00:17:48,208 --> 00:17:49,288
[feedback]
366
00:17:49,375 --> 00:17:52,915
A normal, regular kid.
367
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,130
You need someone who can get rid
368
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:58,788
of these yak glue sticks and bring back
369
00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:02,375
good old-fashioned pasting pots.
370
00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:05,288
That stuff was delightful.
371
00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:10,383
[bell rings]
372
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,040
One for Scott.
373
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,915
One for Leonard.
374
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,580
One for Scott.
375
00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:17,537
One for Leonard.
376
00:18:17,625 --> 00:18:19,205
One for Ian?
377
00:18:19,291 --> 00:18:21,211
"Paste pots rule.
378
00:18:21,291 --> 00:18:23,541
Glue sticks drool"?
379
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,285
I'm sorry, Leonard.
380
00:18:30,417 --> 00:18:32,077
I never meant it to come to this.
381
00:18:32,166 --> 00:18:34,626
In my heart, I'm totally loyal.
382
00:18:34,709 --> 00:18:36,539
You'll always be my master.
383
00:18:36,625 --> 00:18:38,665
I'll never heel for another.
384
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:41,580
But this was destiny.
385
00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:43,877
No hard feelings. Have a grape.
386
00:18:52,375 --> 00:18:56,455
See? There are some things
only humans should attempt.
387
00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:04,960
I want you boys to know
that just by running,
388
00:19:05,041 --> 00:19:07,251
you're all winners.
389
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:10,293
But our new class president
390
00:19:10,375 --> 00:19:13,415
by a single vote is...
391
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:14,880
Me, me, me.
392
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,460
Me, me, me.
393
00:19:16,583 --> 00:19:20,293
Mmm. Paste.
394
00:19:20,417 --> 00:19:23,167
Ian Wazaloseky!
395
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:26,040
Paste pots rule!
396
00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:29,415
Glue sticks drool!
397
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,290
[all] Speech!
398
00:19:33,291 --> 00:19:35,331
Now, as president, Ian,
399
00:19:35,417 --> 00:19:37,917
your special responsibilities
will include
400
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:42,130
cleaning the chalkboard,
emptying the pencil sharpener,
401
00:19:42,208 --> 00:19:45,998
and sorting the recycling every day.
402
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:47,957
-Whew.
-Whew.
403
00:19:49,959 --> 00:19:53,289
[bell rings]
404
00:19:53,375 --> 00:19:55,205
Hi, loser. And I say that
405
00:19:55,291 --> 00:19:58,041
with the self-mocking good nature
406
00:19:58,125 --> 00:19:59,325
of a fellow loser.
407
00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:00,747
I know that... loser.
408
00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:03,384
Hey. When you say it, it hurts.
409
00:20:06,834 --> 00:20:09,714
You know, that's the stupidest-looking
backpack ever.
410
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:12,502
Really? Leslie seems to like it.
411
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:17,213
You know, you really would be better off
412
00:20:17,291 --> 00:20:19,331
just staying home and being a dog.
413
00:20:19,417 --> 00:20:21,207
Is that what you want, Leonard?
414
00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:22,543
Well...
415
00:20:22,625 --> 00:20:25,415
Knowing how much I have
treasured every moment
416
00:20:25,542 --> 00:20:27,332
of these two days--
417
00:20:27,458 --> 00:20:29,328
the pain and the joy,
418
00:20:29,458 --> 00:20:32,708
the adulation and the rejection?
419
00:20:32,834 --> 00:20:35,004
All right, all right, I get it.
420
00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:37,713
The turkey chili nachos
421
00:20:37,792 --> 00:20:41,502
and the canned peaches in heavy syrup--
422
00:20:41,625 --> 00:20:42,995
Oh, mama!
423
00:20:43,083 --> 00:20:45,383
Okay, you can keep going to school.
424
00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:48,748
Oh! I can?
Hooray!
425
00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:51,004
I am so happy,
I am so happy!
426
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,713
Oh, you'll never regret it, Leonard.
427
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:55,834
It's gonna be wonderful--
you and me together at last,
428
00:20:55,917 --> 00:20:57,827
like we were always meant to be.
429
00:20:57,917 --> 00:20:59,667
But you gotta be cool, okay?
430
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,210
No more hot-dogging.
431
00:21:01,291 --> 00:21:03,081
Absolutely. Agreed.
432
00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:05,576
Did you hear I'm going out
for the soccer team?
433
00:21:05,667 --> 00:21:06,877
Ooh, I hope to be captain.
434
00:21:06,959 --> 00:21:09,079
That's way better than class president.
435
00:21:09,166 --> 00:21:11,626
Everyone knows the captain
of the soccer team.
436
00:21:11,709 --> 00:21:14,879
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
And how about a newspaper, huh?
437
00:21:14,959 --> 00:21:16,789
If I started one, I could be editor.
438
00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:19,995
That's the way you sway
the unwashed masses.
439
00:21:20,083 --> 00:21:23,003
Uh, we can talk about it
when I walk you tonight.
440
00:21:23,083 --> 00:21:25,083
Uh, we're almost home.
441
00:21:25,166 --> 00:21:27,036
Oh, yeah, gotcha.
442
00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:28,883
[zipper zips]
443
00:21:31,083 --> 00:21:32,253
[barks]
444
00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:33,793
Good dog.
30643
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