Original subtitles

Rocco!

Sorry we're late.

One of us had to stop

and sniff every tree, post, and bush on the way here.

[whispers] It was Rocco.

[in baby talk] Good Rocco!

-[Rocco barks] -Who's a good Rocco?

Why don't I ever get that kind of greeting?

Sorry.

[in baby talk] Good Olive! Who's a good Olive?

I am.

Rocco's really gonna miss these visits.

What do you mean, "miss"?

This is the last time I get to walk Rocco for my neighbor.

Mrs. Schuster has gotten too old to take care of him

and has to find him a new home.

Olive!

Rocco's being given away?

[chuckles] Sydney, I don't think he can understand you.

[whimpers]

But just in case...

I'd take him, but I already have a cat and four brothers.

My mom said we already have too many animals.

Then I'll take him.

What? Your dad won't let you have a dog.

I know, he always says, "Maybe next year."

Well, you know what?

This year is next year.

Every year I ask him, like a little girl with big puppy-dog eyes,

"Daddy, can I please have a dog?"

But this time, I'm gonna lay out my argument

like the responsible woman I've become.

Yeah, you're right. Puppy-dog eyes never work.

[whimpers]

[baby talk] Unless they're from a puppy!

[theme music playing]

♪ Like father, like daughter We don't always agree ♪

♪ But looking at you Is like looking at me ♪

♪ The more things change The more they stay the same ♪

♪ Like father, like daughter From different times ♪

♪ Taking all the best From your decade and mine ♪

♪ The more things change ♪

♪ The more they stay the same ♪

♪ The more they stay the same ♪

Hello, father. Thanks for coming.

I know we all have busy schedules.

[yawning] No problem. I was just taking a nap.

So, what's this about?

Why are you dressed like you're about to fire me?

I don't want to start the meeting until everyone gets here, so...

in the meantime, have a snack, mingle.

Sorry I'm late. I had to get something.

Holy schnikes, you got a tattoo?

That's right, pappy. It's time I got some ink.

-"O.G.?" -Bet that means, "Original Grandma."

[chuckles] You so get me!

Anyway, this one's just temporary.

-Oh, thank goodness. -Until I find the right one.

It's either this or...

All right, how about we hold off on the tatt-chat

and get down to business?

-Any idea what this is about? -Not a clue.

Dad, would you say, in the last year I've become a more...

responsible, mature person?

-Absolutely. -Then let me present to you

"The Year of the Dog."

Meet Rocco. He loves chew toys, belly rubs,

and running in circles until he gets dizzy.

-Aww. -Oh boy.

I know in the past, you thought I wasn't ready for a dog,

but let's review the data, shall we?

As you can see, there's a sharp uptick

in me getting my chores done.

Wow, I am super impressed with that trend line.

I agree. You're doing great. But taking care of a dog is a huge deal.

Who's gonna walk it when you're busy?

That's a great question, Reynolds.

I'm locked and loaded and ready to scoop.

Okay, but a dog costs money. Who's gonna pay the vet bills?

I don't know, who?

Grandma's gonna make it rain for Rocco!

Woo-hoo!

-I thought you didn't know about this. -I'm a silent investor.

In closing, we have better grades, chores done,

poop scooped, and bills covered. All pointing to one conclusion.

This is the year Sydney gets a dog.

-[cheering] -[fireworks]

Get it, girl!

Wow! Sydney, you put a lot of work into that,

and Rocco sure is cute.

But I'm sorry, honey. I have to say no.

What? Seriously? Why?

There's a big difference between making a presentation

and having a living, breathing dog.

Trust me, within a week everything will go south.

Dad, you're being so unfair.

I'm sorry. That's my decision.

Wow! I've been wondering where Scrooge hangs out between holidays.

Seriously?

Where was this cool O.G. when I wanted a pet?

It's time, Leo. I'm getting a dog.

Oh, you're getting a dog. I've got your back.

[Judy sighs] Hi, Mom. Tough day?

I bet you could use a nice glass of cold iced tea.

That's so sweet. What do you want?

Mom, I've been thinking...

You know what this family really needs?

A second income? That would be great.

It'd probably involve you dropping out of school,

but where is that really going anyway?

What this family needs is a dog.

-No! -Wait, you didn't hear me out.

Trust me, I listened a lot longer than I wanted to.

Who's going to walk the dog while you're at school?

-Uh... -Who's gonna clean up after it

while you're at the skate park?

-Uh... -What about food?

Vet bills? Grooming?

Valid points!

We're waiting.

Max, having a dog is a big responsibility.

You can't even keep your room clean.

-That is so not true. -Should I go check it right now?

I wouldn't.

Sorry, Max. This is not happening.

I can't believe she said no.

[knocks]

Hey, Olive. 'Sup?

Bad news, they found a new owner for Rocco.

We'll never see him again.

Oh, no. That is bad news.

Except for one thing...

I'm his new owner!

Rocco! I knew your dad would change his mind!

I know! Except he didn't!

What? Your dad doesn't know about Rocco?

My dad said having a dog would be a disaster.

But if I can keep Rocco here for a week

and he doesn't even notice, he'll have to let me keep him.

That's brilliant!

But moving forward, I think we should have code names.

I'll be "Dr. Pancake."

[whimpers]

Oh, would you look at that? He needs to go out.

-I better do it before... -[Max] Syd, I'm home!

...that happens!

Hey, Dad!

What is he doing here? He isn't supposed to be home till six.

You think Rocco can hold it?

[whimpers]

Depends. How much do you like that rug?

Guess who!

We haven't played this game in years!

Whoever this is...

-Is it Grandma Judy? -No.

-Is it Bigfoot? -No.

-Is it Sydney? -[nervous chuckle] No.

[Max] You're pressing kind of hard there, honey.

I don't like this game anymore.

How about we play a new game,

-Dad Makes a Snack. -No, wait!

[nervous chuckle] Oh! Hi!

I was just--

Hi!

Hi, Olive!

Dad, how about something from the fridge?

Like a quesadilla?

Que bueno!

-I forgot the cheese. -Not in the mood for cheese.

What? You can't have a quesadilla without the queso!

Huh... Then it's just a "dilla."

Whatever that is.

You know, peppers would be good in this.

Hate peppers. Peppers bad.

The worst!

Then mushrooms it is.

'Sup, fam?

Whoa, Grandma! You got another tattoo. Dad, check it out.

My ink man convinced me to really go for it,

so I'm trying out a rattlesnake.

My mother is not walking around with a snake on her arm.

Not when she's already got a buzzkill son on her back.

Am I right, girls?

-Where'd they go? -Probably to get some air.

It's getting a little judge-y in here.

[hissing]

I can't believe she won't let me get a dog.

There is no way I'm eating my vegetables tonight.

Come on, Max. Look on the bright side.

The sun is shining, it's a beautiful day,

and I'm wearing parachute pants.

Hey, guys.

Max, I know you're upset,

but I want you to know that I heard you.

And even though your grades could be better-- a lot better,

overall, you're a good kid, and I have a surprise for you.

[door opening]

You got me a dog? For real?

I got a dog! I got a dog!

♪ You got a dog You got a dog ♪

What? You got me a turtle?

♪ You got a turtle You got a turtle ♪

Consider it a starter pet.

If you prove to me that you can take care of this turtle,

then when the time's right, I'll get you a dog.

♪ When the time is right The time is right ♪ Enjoy! And remember, this is one of God's creatures.

So if you crush it, it's not returnable.

[knocking on door, in intervals]

I was only halfway through the secret knock.

That could have been anybody.

[door closing]

-Ready for transfer? -Ready.

All right, feeding time.

Then we walk him, because in exactly three seconds,

-my dad will yell... -[Max] Syd, I'm going to the gym!

But first, he's gotta find his keys.

-[Max] Have you seen my keys? -They're by the microwave!

[Max] Got 'em!

Then he pretends he bangs his head on the cabinet.

-[thuds] -[Max] Ow! Kidding!

Got me again, Dad!

Man, Rocco. It's almost too... [sneezes] easy.

-Still sneezing? -Yeah, must have a cold coming on.

That wasn't your cold sneeze.

Your cold sneeze is more like... [high-pitched sneeze]

But you sneezed like this... [low-pitched sneeze]

We spend a lot of time together, don't we?

-[sneezes, sniffles] -Oh, no.

Sydney, I think you're allergic to Rocco.

-I am not. -Oh, really?

Let's try a little experiment.

[panting] Pet me.

What? No!

I wanna prove something.

Pet me.

[in baby talk] Good girl!

Now pet Rocco.

There. Are you ha-- h-ha--

hap-py?

[sneezes]

Okay, maybe I'm a little allergic,

but I'm not getting rid of Rocco.

Good news, you don't have to.

You'll just have to build up a tolerance by spending time with him.

Exposure to the disease is how vaccines work.

So the more I hang with Rocco, the less allergic I'll be?

According to the coloring book in my doctor's office.

Come on, do something!

Come!

Shake!

Roll over?

Even on fast-forward it looks like he's doing nothing.

This turtle's totally useless.

Hey, you wanna see something else he can't do?

Skateboard.

Like I said, Leo, useless.

Max!

-[Max] Whoa! -[Leo] Whoa!

He's a skateboarder, just like you!

Maybe better.

That was incredible! You're incredible.

I'm gonna name you, "Hawk."

After something that can eat him? That's cold.

No, after Tony Hawk,

the most rad skateboarder in the world.

Meet Hawk...

the coolest turtle in the world.

[soft music]

"And they lived happily ever after. The end."

Hey, Syd.

Hey, Dad. [sneezes]

Wow, you've been sneezing a lot lately.

I think you might be allergic to something.

No, I'm not. It's just a cold.

No, your cold sneeze sounds like this...

[high-pitched sneeze]

People pay way too much attention to me.

And your eyes are kind of red.

That's because I was crying.

I just watched a really sad movie.

And it made you itch?

That's how sad it was.

Nope, you're allergic to something.

I'm gonna get to the bottom of what's causing this.

It is somewhere in this house,

and I'm gonna find it. You have my promise.

[sneezes] [sniffles]

I'm gonna change my shirt, but you still have my promise.

Believe it or not, I think I'm doing better.

[blowing nose loudly]

Sorry, I couldn't hear you over that elephant.

So what's gonna happen when your dad looks around

to see what you're allergic to?

He's gonna find Rocco in your room! I'll stop him with three little words,

"Private girl stuff."

Whoa, that even makes me uncomfortable.

-[Max] Sydney? -Oh, gotta go. Bye.

[Max] Syd, come on down!

What's going on, Dad?

You remember Don and his son Kyle, they used to live around the corner?

Yeah, I remember.

-Hi, Sydney. -Hey, Syd!

Good to see you!

What are they doing here?

Don's an industrial cleaner.

I got to thinking about your allergies, and I decided to call in the big guns.

Really? Can't we do it ourselves?

Make it a fun father-daughter project?

I wouldn't call pulling a rat out of a furnace "family fun time."

You promised me no rats this time!

Why don't you guys start upstairs?

It's sneeze central.

No, no! Not my room! I've got girl stuff in there.

Private girl stuff. Tons of it.

Don't worry. I've got five daughters. I've seen it all.

See, Sydney? This guy's a pro.

Nothing's gonna shock him.

Not after Wednesday.

[Syd] Let me go first.

Don, I want you to turn this room upside down.

Ah, don't worry. We'll clean it from top to bottom.

-Probably start with this closet here. -No!

-Dad, I'm sorry. -For what?

It's... a mess.

I mean, look. The shorts are in with the jeans.

When you're done here, do her bathroom.

-I'll show you where it is. -I'll show them!

[quietly] Rocco?

Okay, first thing we'll do is steam-clean these tiles.

If there's mold in your grout, we'll get it out.

[chuckles]

I came up with that. It's, uh, it's on our van.

Kyle's the writer in the family.

I'm just glad you guys are here.

I'll show you the rest of the dust trap we call a house.

[Judy] Are they gone?

Rocco! Grandma, how'd you know?

One of my slippers was chewed,

and your father hasn't chewed slippers in years.

What am I gonna do?

That is between you and your dad.

In the meantime, you didn't hear it from me,

but my bedroom is a really good hiding place.

Thanks. You're the best.

I just did what any chill grandma would do.

I can't wait till I get my first tattoo.

Over my dead body.

[Max] Surrender earthlings!

[Max breathes like Darth Vader]

Resistance is futile!

Submit to your turtle overlords!

Dang, tape ran out.

And that was Hawk's best performance yet.

I mean, I was ready to surrender.

He's an awesome skateboarder,

a natural actor.

Is there anything Hawk can't do?

Jump, but that's nitpicking.

Come on, I got some blank tapes at my house.

Cool. We'll be right back.

Stay here and guard the mothership.

[door creaking]

So, how's it goin'?

Well, we sanitized every inch of the place.

Whatever it was that was causing your little girl's allergies

is most likely gone.

"Most likely?" You're better than that, Don.

I hated it when it came out of my mouth.

The only other thing it could be is mold in your walls,

but we'd have to put a tiny hole in the wall to check.

Then let's do it.

You said a tiny hole!

Size is very subjective.

Dad, what are you doing?

We're checking for mold.

Wait!

Dad, it's not mold.

I know what I'm allergic to.

-You do? -Yes.

Rocco!

[whimpers]

What? How long has he been here?

There's seven dog years for every human one,

-if you divide-- -Sydney!

-Five days. -Five days?

Guys, can you give us a moment?

[sneezes]

-[sneezes] -You too, Rocco.

Come on, boy.

[Rocco gasping]

Dad, I'm so, so sorry. I don't blame you for being angry.

You said I couldn't have dog, and I went behind your back.

-Sydney-- -But I only did it because

you were being totally unreasonable. Not that that's an excuse.

-Sydney-- -I wanted to prove to you

having a dog in the house wouldn't change anything.

-Sydney! -What? I understand.

You do?

Yeah.

I was being unreasonable about you getting a dog,

and you deserve to know why.

When I was your age, I had a pet turtle, Hawk.

He was the coolest turtle in the world.

"Hawk," as in your hero, Tony Hawk?

You got it.

I loved that turtle. We did everything together.

But one day I stupidly left the front door open,

and he ran away.

We looked for him everywhere, but I never saw him again.

I was devastated.

Dad, I'm so sorry.

That's why I've been weird about you having a dog.

I don't want you to feel that sense of loss.

Dad, I appreciate you trying to protect me,

but I can't live my whole life afraid something bad's gonna happen.

Wow!

You are so much wiser than I was at your age.

Or my age.

Huh...

Oh, you would've loved Hawk.

-Dad... -He was an amazing skateboarder,

not to mention an accomplished actor.

-Dad! -What?

Look!

No, it's impossible. Hawk?

Hawk!

Dad, he didn't run away!

He must have been living in the walls all these years.

How'd he survive?

I don't know! Look how big he is!

Hawk, it's me, Max. I'm bigger, too!

Yeah, I went to college, I opened a bike shop.

We'll just catch up later. [chuckles]

Hi, Hawk. I'm Sydney.

Welcome back to the inside of the house.

My dad really missed you.

Syd, are you still looking for a pet?

Seriously? You'd let me have him?

I can't think of a better person.

Yes!

[in baby talk] Who's the best turtle in the whole world?

You are.

And you're pretty great, too, Dad.

[in baby talk] Yes, you are.

I'm so glad you can take him, Kyle.

Me, too. Thanks, Dad.

He'll be loved and he'll be clean,

'cause that's what we do.

So long, Rocco. I'll miss you.

Let's go, Kyle.

[dog gasping]

-Hey, noodle! -Hey, Grandma!

Hey, which tattoo did you finally get?

None. Who knew an electric needle could hurt so much?

Is it easy living with Mom again? [chuckling]

Not always, but I love the house and it's good for Sydney--

Oh, hi, Mom!

What? You got another turtle? Well, you better take care of this one.

I am not wandering around the neighborhood again,

waving a piece of lettuce.

No, Grandma! This is Hawk.

He's been living in the walls all these years.

Really? Then there's still hope for the hamster.

-You think so? -Get real.

[man] Oh yeah.