Original subtitles

-Hi! -Hi!

Nice to see you again.

Been here a long time?

Just a little while.

-I dreamt about you last night. -About me?

And now you're standing here. Maybe you dreamt about me too.

I don't think so…

Maybe you forgot.

What's this?

Don Bosco.

Young people's patron saint. I have converted to Catholicism.

Why?

I felt so restricted as a Protestant. It was far too puritan.

It wasn't me. See what I mean?

I'm not quite sure.

But you sing the same songs?

There's not that much of a difference.

What if the two of us…

…meet again?

-Isn't the age difference too big? -Did I say that?

I must have been an idiot.

I don't think there's an age difference anymore.

How nice to see you!

You've got summer in your hair.

Summer in my hair?

God did something very right when he created you.

Hi.

-Hi. -Hi, Joachim.

Here.

Ready?

Mustafa can't come.

Good morning to you too. Relax.

-He's trouble. -No, he's very nice.

Coffee?

-Yes. -Could you get me one as well?

He likes it here, but it's not easy…

…to find new friends at our age.

So Joachim suggested we take some social responsibility.

We could invite him for dinner.

Anyone can be invited for dinner.

It's a tremendous vote of confidence to let him come and shoot big game.

No…

This is going to work out fine.

He has passed the hunting license test?

Typical inflexible attitude which makes integration difficult.

He can take the test later.

-Coffee. -Wonderful. Thank you.

-This will be disastrous. -This will be fabulous.

-I'm looking forward to this. -Beautiful scenery in here.

-Lots of elk this year. -This will be fun!

Fun for us, but not for the elk, when we come around with this stuff!

Are you out of your mind?!

You can't do that.

You can't just shoot wildly!

Hello?

Yes. Hi.

Now?

I thought we said 10.

I was sure.

Why don't you come in and wait?

There we go.

-Anything I can get you? -No, we're absolutely fine, Vidkun.

I'll just get the kids on their way,

and I'll be ready.

-Do we have time for this? -Did I ever miscalculate the time?

-No. -We have lots of time.

Just say goodbye.

-Bye. -Goodbye!

Bye.

-I feel I don't deserve it. -Yes, yes…

You do.

One thing worries me a bit.

Rana…

You've read about the giraffe's neck?

I think we have all read up on giraffes, Rana.

You sit up front, Vidkun.

-Get in. -Coming.

So, let's go.

-Are you aiming your gun at Mustafa? -No, I'm just testing a bit.

He just went over there to scout.

-I thought he would stand over there? -Guess he found it a bit boring.

You can't shoot branches!

Relax. We're on a trip, right?

Shouldn't we just make the elk jump from a cliff?

Even more fun!

We have to relieve him of that gun.

We have to tolerate some kidding around in the integration process.

-100 kroner if you succeed. -100 kroner?

-It's nothing. -Show me!

It's just a modest present. Maybe you won't even like it.

Of course I'll like it.

Of course I'll like it!

I don't really feel like it.

I can hardly knit.

Can't you become a Catholic too?

They have so many nice traditions.

More glitter and tinsel. It's more sexy.

Come closer.

Come on.

Listen, I have to keep a little distance.

I'm just made of flesh and blood.

But a knitted mitten is all right?

I don't know if that's okay with me.

You just have…

…to feel it out.

Yes…

How much time do you think you need?

-I don't know. -Some are fast knitters,

others are slow.

Tomorrow we have to get it together.

Move a whole lot more, not just wait for the animals to turn up.

That's the passive Norwegian way.

That's how it's done, Mustafa. We've only got this area.

It's so cumbersome and undynamic. Like so many things in Norway.

It's so feminine!

Feminine…!

That's not what I wanted to say.

I want to thank you for bringing me here.

It's immensely important to me to be included like this.

You're a good guy. Sit down and have a drink.

If you refuse every time, we won't bother to bring you along.

-I don't drink alcohol. -But we're on a trip.

Like you said.

That's right.

We're on a trip.

What's the matter with him?

Joachim becomes…

…very affectionate after a few drinks.

The father of three. Lots of yearnings!

Could you also take care of him a bit?

Come here, Joachim. Come and lie down here.

Come and lie down here.

No, Jokke!

You can lie here, but don't get intimate.

-I'll lie still. -Good.

We'll start in a moment, boys. I'll just lock the door.

-I'm sorry. -That was close.

Hi!

-Child? -Yes. You too?

-Girl or boy? -Boy.

-And you? -Don't know.

I'm sure you have read that we have certain rules here.

Stragglers won't be admitted.

Not after breaks either.

If your mobile phone rings, you're fined 50 kroner.

The second time, you leave.

And I don't like questions much.

I'm sorry.

Just Dad…

-50 kroner. The next time, you're out. -Okay.

"Does man have a place in pregnancy?" "Help, I don't recognize her."

"My role at the time of birth." "Miscellaneous."

You know, I wanted to leave Norway.

It's easier for you.

You have learned the language.

I just don't get it together.

But someone gave me a piece of good advice.

Really?

-Do you know who? -No.

Mina. Serafin's girlfriend.

Oh, Serafin.

I miss him.

She said: "You have to love nature."

Mina is high class.

Serafin was a man of taste.

So I became a friend of nature.

I had never been there before. Weird place, but nice.

And what happened?

At first, nothing!

Those few times…

…I met some ladies, they said things like:

-"Have a nice walk." -Nice walk…

-"Nice walk!" -Nice walk!

And they walked on.

And I thought:

"Bartosz, this is no place for you."

"And in Poland you're totally forgotten."

I was desperate.

-But do you know what happened? -No.

My nose got stuck in a stump.

You're kidding me.

Look.

Good grief.

The stump smelled so good.

I was sad and lonely.

And the stump smelled heavenly.

I pushed my nose into a crack, and bang!

-Bang? -I got stuck.

That was exactly my reaction!

"Holy smoke. Bartosz, now you've really done it!"

Yes.

And then?

Whatever I tried,

I couldn't pull my nose free.

Then I heard someone approaching on the path:

"So this is where you hang out, with your nose in the stump?"

"Oh, well, oh, well…"

"Just stay where you are, you fool." And she left.

The next one was no better:

"So this is where you hang out, you silly Pole?"

"That should teach you a lesson," she said, and left.

I had almost given up.

Then I heard someone approaching.

The cutest Norwegian…

…lady ever sort of floated over the heath.

"So your nose is stuck in the stump?" she said,

with the voice of an angel.

"How did this happen?"

She brought out her sheath knife.

And after a little while, she had liberated me.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

"Yes," I said, because I was starving!

And we sat down in the heath,

and ate food from her sack.

That's how I met Solveig.

And now we've got a bun in the oven.

Bravo!

Let's start again.

The break is over.

Maximum three questions.

Yes?

How long after the birth is it okay to have sex?

Good question.

Sex is one of the most precious activities you can share.

Many fathers-to-be are afraid this intimacy may be lost.

The female and the male body differ from each other.

Women get to hear a lot about everything happening in the body.

That things take time. It has to feel right.

It has to feel right for you too.

Months without sex is a challenge for many people.

Fortunately, there are ways to get the woman going.

An acquaintance of mine did not have sex for over a year.

My God! Such things happen.

This was not a question. It was a comment.

I've seen quite a few horror cases throughout the years.

But some get their partners going just days after leaving the hospital.

Sex is fine…

…until the water breaks.

Here, the woman has to be stimulated.

I can recommend a Danish book:

"Sex all the way to the delivery room."

You may buy it here,

at a reduced price. You'll save 100 kroner,

compared to the Internet.

I'm also in touch with someone…

…who sells furniture for "pregnant sex."

It's hot in the US:

The furniture makes good sex possible for the woman,

even after she starts putting on weight.

She will feel slim again.

As you know, this makes women horny.

The furniture may be bought or leased at a reasonable price.

Most people go for leasing.

If you plan a new pregnancy soon, you'd better buy it.

I have some brochures here.

Yes?

Isn't it like the woman's…

What can I say?

Between the legs.

Needs some time to be…?

Vagina.

That's true. The vagina needs time to recover.

But there are other ways.

You mean in the ass?

For instance.

Or with the mouth.

Or just the hand. It's better than nothing.

But the ass is sensitive.

Massage could be a key word here.

Some adapt quickly,

others more slowly, and some never, unfortunately.

No, no more questions now.

We've paid for this.

These are important matters.

-How do you proceed…? -I have a book here.

I'm not interested in books. Can't you just tell us?

Well…

As far as I'm concerned, this was many years ago.

But I'm sure it's still the same way.

I had hired a babysitter.

And I invited my wife…

…to a restaurant I knew that she liked.

Incredibly pricey. But you'll get it back manifold.

And not least, it prevents you from going to Amsterdam in a few years,

banging some poor East European girl.

Nice restaurant, dining, small talk.

Get her a couple of glasses of red wine.

Then you mention it.

Gently.

First you tell her you think she is beautiful.

Tell her there's something you want her to know.

Tell her that once you met a woman who wanted to be taken in the ass.

You refused. You found it repulsive, perverse, and humiliating for women.

But she insisted.

She wouldn't listen to anything you said!

And so you just did it with her.

Once, because she was not your type.

But she loved it.

Emphasize this. She enjoyed it immensely.

It was okay for you too.

But what sticks, is her ecstasy!

You had never experienced anything like it.

Do not tell her you would like to try this with her.

It will take maybe four months,

and then she'll take it in from behind!

That's all it takes.

Damn! Say what you want,

but I love this weird, stretched-out country.

They are way ahead of us here.

Seriously.

I have never seen elk at Grandpa and Grandma's place in Pakistan.

I don't think they even exist there.

But when there's a flood coming, the spiders climb up the trees.

And sometimes they spin their webs around giant trees.

It's so beautiful!

I have never seen anything that beautiful in Norway.

But Norway is nice.

Norway is maybe the nicest, but you are so closed up.

You have to admit that.

Except for Joachim. He's more like me.

By the way, it's your turn to look after him.

Yes…

Anyway, I have avoided the use of a jet machine.

It's too much. That's where I draw the line.

Well…

You do live a jet machine life.

-You do. -I guess.

Why do you draw the line there? I have a jet machine.

-Jokke has one. -Me too.

-Have you got a jet machine, Jokke? -I've got a jet machine.

I think I'll call it a day.

Me too.

-Good night. -Good night. Sleep tight.

But…

What do you do…

…when you want to clean your terrace?

I clean it.

That's irrational.

It…

I think maybe you owe me a hundred!

Vidkun first!

Hello.

That's right.

What?!

Is he okay?

Okay.

That's good news, at least.

We'll be there as soon as we can.

All right.

What's the matter?

Dad is injured. He's in hospital.

-What happened? -I don't know.

They were attacked by an animal or something.

He has some broken bones.

-Which bones? -We'll find out when we get there.

I don't know why men always have to be so careless.

Let's finish our meal first.

But I want to see Dad!

Dad, Dad, Dad… We need to have food in our belly.

The canteen up there doesn't offer anything.

Unhealthy and expensive.

Let's eat in peace and quiet.

Dad can wait a while.

That stuff last night didn't happen.

I thought it was a great night.

I've got a wife and kids.

We're on a trip. Nothing to fuss about.

-You shut up about this. -Okay.

"Fucked Joachim…

-…last night…" -What are you doing?

-Updating my Facebook status. -Give me a break!

I'm serious, okay?

Okay, okay.

I'm a married man!

But so am I.

It must be possible…

…to sleep with a man at times without being branded as gay.

This conversation is over.

No. It's over when I say so.

Just try to be a bit more attentive the next time.

Sometimes I need time.

Not always,

but sometimes.

But I have good experience with time-out.

If you have trouble during intercourse,

you just say "time out," have a break immediately,

and check if you're more or less synchronized.

It's unfortunate if one of you is a bit left behind.

So you just check if you're…

If you're à jour,

by caressing, or kissing your partner.

And when you're à jour, you just bang away.

-Good remark, Ivar. -Thanks.

But…

Is this really about empathy?

I don't know. Maybe not.

How can we use empathy to make the situation less offensive?

Isn't it a bit late afterwards?

I can see that.

But is there a way to express empathy during the intercourse itself?

-But… -Okay.

If both think about their partner more,

-it will take care of itself. -Hello!

Then the point of sex is kind of lost, right?

It's silly if both just think about the partner.

The probability…

…that two very empathic people have sex at the same time…

…might be pretty low, but…

Then one of them could enjoy the intercourse.

And the other one could enjoy being empathic.

But that can't really be called empathic?

Isn't it more like a kind of negotiation?

Give a caress, and get one back.

-That sounds right. -No…

I don't know…

Sorry, but to be completely honest…

There's something weird about this whole…

-Problem. -Yes.

Maybe empathy is not the right thing in this context.

Maybe we will have to evaluate our courses.

I don't quite see what the conclusion is.

I think one should be decent.

Ivar!

Yes!

"Be…

…decent!"

Thank you so much, Ivar.

-Did you shoot him? -We shot at an elk.

But it's Mustafa!

I also shot at an elk.

Is he dead?

It looks that way.

Dead?

What do we do now?

You tell me.

Did you tell the truth about the elk?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

It's important…

…to stay calm here.

I don't know exactly what happened.

In any case,

it's very sad.

He was a good man,

who has now left life.

It's always sad.

But…

But without that elk we would have been in real trouble.

Maybe we're in trouble anyway.

What are you doing, Aksel?

I know a crime investigator…

…who probably has some advice. I'll call him.

We don't want a lot of fuss.

Especially for the family. It's exhausting…

…with a lot of fuss.

-Hi! -Hi!

How are you doing?

Well…

Not that good.

That's all you've done? I'm totally stressed out.

I'm sorry.

It just got so…

I was so much looking forward to it.

It's just that stuff about the mitten.

I understand you so well.

You have to understand,

the celibacy God asks of us religious leaders, is just…

Incredibly hard.

God realized this. So he introduced the mitten as a partial solution.

-You mean it says in the Bible? -Of course.

Ephesians 8, 14-18, I think.

Not in so many words, but clearly enough.

-Should I show you? -Yes, please.

The Bible lies in the door compartment.

No, that's the road map book.

It doesn't say in there.

-Damn, did I leave it at home? -Maybe here.

That's…

That's a sad story I would have given everything to leave undone.

So with one of these everything is all right?

Yes.

It has to be lambswool, of course.

Correct yarn thickness, tension, needle size, and so on.

Does it say in the Bible?

God can't take care of everything.

An ecclesiastical council regulates all that.

It's all on the Internet.

But, listen,

do we have to talk about all this?

I'm just trying to understand.

But we destroy what's precious and beautiful.

I don't find this precious and beautiful at all.

It's just synthetic…

But it's pure wool.

It's not pure wool.

How do you know it's synthetic?

It's all even and smooth…

Actually, I'm not in love with you anymore.

You used to be so lively, now, you're not like that at all anymore.

I have to split now.

This is a crisis.

But we can meet later?

I don't think so.

I'm in doubt about the yarn for a mitten.

Yes?

It doesn't look like pure wool.

Just hold it up against the light.

You should make it a habit.

Could you have a look at it?

-The wrong kind? -This is not lambswool.

And it's terribly thin.

-Where did you buy this? -On the Internet.

You've been fooled.

It's way too thin.

-It's nearly skin against skin. -How could I be so stupid?!

Is it really that thin?

It's one of the thinnest I've ever seen.

Feel this.

This is proper yarn.

-Notice the difference? -Yes.

Are you dreading this?

A little bit, I have to admit.

It's not a pleasant situation.

I kind of got him in there. I was supposed to look after him, somehow.

Well…

I guess I may just as well get it over with.

Damn, I dread this so much.

I think it's been years since I last dreaded something.

Really?

When I was a kid,

I could sit and dread something for weeks.

But, as an adult…

You never dread anything?

Sometimes I don't feel like doing things.

It might feel like a drag.

But I don't dread things.

And you?

Maybe not that often.

Or…

I used to dread gym,

and the dentist, and those things.

But now… I don't know.

We adults just drop doing things that we dread.

Not quite true.

Look at the tax return. I hate it, but I still fill it out.

But are you dreading it?

Yes!

A little bit, maybe.

-Dreading what? -Just to sit down…

-And do it. -Sit down?

That's not dreading.

-Yes, that's dreading. -Not as far as I'm concerned.

I just don't want to.

And then I do it.

-That's dreading, somehow. -No, it's different.

I used to dread a vaccine for weeks. Then I got the shot,

and it was over.

-A lot of worry for nothing. -Quite often it wasn't that bad.

-Should we get this done? -Yes, shouldn't we?

Thanks a lot.

I should have said no.

Men in camos is never a good sign.

It's so easy to blame yourself.

Mustafa was an incredibly nice guy.

I didn't know him well before yesterday,

but I got a real positive impression.

A very friendly,

generous person.

He was short-tempered.

Yes, he was irascible.

But in a nice way. Lots of genuine feelings and commitment.

What about the house?

May we continue living here?

I guess we have to…

To find a solution.

People are probably not so inflexible in a situation like this.

People around here are not like that.

Maybe some people are,

but most are not.

Not much to dread.

I think it went incredibly well!

That's the way. Just do it.

-Good people. -Real nice.

Okay…

Attractive woman.

-I'd better get back home. -To Moss.

How long does it take?

Maybe 45-50 minutes. Depends on the traffic.

Right…

Drive carefully.

Listen…

Should I take you home?

No.

I need some fresh air.