Original subtitles

Don't pussy, hairy potter. Every old house needs a squatter.

Don't pussy, hairy potter. Every old house needs a squatter.

Don't tease, don't be a snob. Then you will get a blowjob.

Hey!

-That's not how we count out here! -But we did where we used to live.

But not here,

and definitely not with a paintball pistol.

Did you plan to shoot?

-It hurts less than people think. -Yes!

Listen…

Let's teach Atef how we count out here.

Should we do that?

Eniken, meniken, finkum, fonkum, bondeknokum, ever, bever, boff!

Wasn't that fun? You can have this back.

Just continue.

I'll be at the neighbour's, so you'll see Dad from here.

Don't pussy, hairy potter…

It may be true that Poland is an ancient cultural nation.

So…

Why don't I know any names from there?

Maybe because you have insufficient general knowledge.

Oh, really?

It's not Poland's fault that you don't know any creative Poles.

Marie Curie, yes. But she mostly made a name for herself in France.

A lot indicates that Poland is…

…a patriarchal, repressive country.

-No. -Science and culture are repressed.

What do you base this on?

The only Polish woman that comes to mind, is Curie.

Poland is more patriarchal than Norway.

We have more Nobel prizes than you. The last one was Szymborska in 1996.

Your last one was Sigrid Undset in 1928.

-You're changing the subject. -No!

May I say something?

Yes.

You may think this is silly, and unreasonable, but…

Go on.

You grew up without a dad in a pretty patriarchal country.

No.

Let me finish.

I fear that the dads you know about are dads who drink and run away.

What do you base that on?

Seen it on film.

Heard it on the radio.

So…

You're worried about my abilities as a dad?

Those were your words, not mine, but…

Yes.

-I am. -And what should I do about it?

Have a look at this.

-What's that? -A daddy course.

-You want me to sign up for this? -Yes.

Yes, that would be splendid.

To be a dad who ignores homework and just jumps on the trampoline.

No thanks.

I will attend a mummy course, and then we'll both be qualified.

OK: Lech Walesa,

Pope John Paul II, Henryk Sienkiewicz, Copernicus.

While you sat around munching bark!

Why don't you just sign up?

Kieślowski,

Agnieszka Holland, Andrzej Wajda,

Gombrowicz, Herbert.

And millions of loving fathers.

But you never had one of them.

And the woman in Klassekampen? She's important, you see.

No, I, I…

I think he is a bit more scary.

His favorite film is Cinema Paradiso.

Okay.

And who is sent by Aftenposten?

-Jens Christian, this is for you. -Thank you.

As a little token of our trust and respect.

The press screening is on.

-Right now? -Started five minutes ago.

How exciting.

What's that?

-They want me to play these… -It's all happening now.

A very nice apartment.

But there are a few charges here.

I had a pretty good income, but I lost my job, in a way.

Tomasz is waiting for approval of some documents from Poland.

-Poland? -Yes.

Okay…

It's risky to do too much yourself.

You didn't fool around with the electricity?

No, I'm a linguist.

Yes…?

-Poles carry out a lot of good work. -Of course, but…

If you could tell the bank that…

…the apartment is worth 4 million, it would be great.

Well, I did find a bit of moisture.

But I'm pretty sure it's worth between…

…2.9 and 3.1.

-How can you say this for sure? -I know it is.

It's less than the bank's calculation today.

-Maybe the bank doesn't have to know. -No.

The bank trusts me.

Or else I'm finished.

We pay you, and the silly humidity meter to get…

…more interest and installments?

It looks that way.

To hire you was a foolish thing to do?

Yes.

But, listen…

I have a leaky toilet.

Would you like to earn a few kroner?

Like I mentioned, I'm a linguist.

You don't know any other Poles…?

You'll get a job by and by.

As a doctor, you will make good money.

-Insha'Allah. -But for now, it's my job…

…which makes it possible for us to live here.

Yes.

-Of course. -So why wasn't the food ready?

I forgot about it.

And I think…

…you should be glad when I come home.

And sit with me.

I'm studying, Mustafa.

What are you reading about?

I'm reading about the nose.

Nasal septum.

Up here.

Lots of cartilage.

A sensitive area, one should be careful cutting in.

My nose is all right, but could you fix this…?

-It would have been very nice, but… -It's bursting.

Men need this.

If you do, my day will pass more swiftly.

Mustafa, it's not a good time for it.

-You don't want to? -Well, want to…

I have to read.

If you need an ejaculation, I get to read less.

-It doesn't take that long. -What are you thinking?

Food must be ready when you arrive,

and I should give you an ejaculation?

Is that wrong?

Iram.

Have a look around.

The people living here are busy, grumpy and tired.

We must not become like them.

Our ancestors…

…defined sex…

as the most important thing in life.

More than 2,000 years ago.

That's India. The Kama Sutra.

India is Pakistan. We can't change it all…

…just because we moved to another area.

I can see that.

Great.

-So what are we waiting for? -I have to read.

The nose looks simple,

but it's actually incredibly complicated.

I'm sure you can fix that ejaculation yourself.

If you'll take this, it's been sent for collection.

I'll try to…

To handle interest and installments the next 3 months.

Through August.

-Yes, we have to. -After that, I really don't know…

Anneli Soma.

I'm sorry, but I don't give phone consultations anymore.

Okay, I'll give it a try.

Your dog…?

No, the dog probably doesn't find that so great.

Yes, isn't it?

Listen…

You know what I think?

Your dog is just fine the way things are.

Another dog will only be stressful.

I just picked that up from your dog.

I'm glad to hear that.

I'll give you my account number right away.

3149 39 827.

Then it will…

So you just transfer NOK 896.60.

That's the price of an initial consultation.

Yes, that's fine.

Thank you.

We'll talk again later. Goodbye, and good luck.

-Now it's paid for? -It's paid for.

That's great.

Excuse me, I just have to…

If you try the suit on with the shirt,

you get the overall impression. You see?

When men buy a suit, they have to seek professional help.

-That's what I did. -That's good. Let me see.

Looking good.

I'll have an opening night tomorrow.

How exciting.

Anything you have made?

A film.

Yes…

Is it tight around the waist?

It fits you perfectly.

I always advise against a belt,

because the belt should always be an accessory.

If the belt has to keep…

…the trousers up,

you've bought the wrong trousers!

-That's the way it is? -Yes.

What kind of film did you make?

What kind? A kind of film.

-A kind of dream. -Dreams are nice.

It's a spring day. The main character recalls a dream he once had.

And he is pulled into it, in a way.

How nice.

Let's see…

I'm sure I can get you a ticket.

I'm a married woman.

Yes, that's…

I didn't mean it that way.

So am I, in a way.

Shoes.

Are you happy in your marriage?

Yes.

Most of the time.

In the end it was a drag.

I have to admit that.

But before that, it was partly quite enjoyable.

Well formulated.

"Partly quite enjoyable."

Half of my girl friends are getting divorced,

and there's a lot of stress.

-So you shouldn't do that. -Stressful, yes.

You get so tired.

Maybe that's what surprised me the most.

I just want to…

…sleep.

I thought I would go out on the town,

and throw everyone I met to the ground.

But then I didn't have the energy.

Yes…

So you don't want that ticket?

What the hell, give me a ticket.

It's a long time.

What the…?

No…

-Hi. -Hi.

You probably don't know who I am. Knut Egil Hval.

I'm the family therapist of the area, somehow.

Oh, really?

Maybe this is beyond my authority,

but I have heard some…

-…rumors. -How…?

You live in a polyamorous relationship.

-A what? -Polyamorous.

-I don't know what that means. -A technical term.

More than two.

Right…

That's correct. We do.

This is interesting to me.

If we go back to the beginning…

Maybe I could have some cues as to how it all started?

I don't know…

It was maybe a bit sore at the start.

It's a nice arrangement.

For several decades, I wasn't really present.

My job and various other things. There was always something.

And then I fooled around a bit with other women, 4-5 times.

I didn't tell.

It wasn't very serious either.

But of course it widened the gap between us,

year after year.

Then I had a stroke. Typically me.

You had lived under great pressure for a long time.

The body reacts.

Just by chance I discovered some letters which revealed…

…that this jerk,

and Turid…

…had an affair.

For a long time.

I wasn't amused. I had to find out who this Holger was.

And he turned out to be a great guy.

Much more sympathetic than me.

So we became friends.

And since we both loved Turid,

and since Turid has always appreciated being loved and respected…

Well, here we sit. Are you taking notes?

Yes, this is…

This is pure gold for me.

I don't know what to say.

It's fantastic.

-I have a thousand questions. -Didn't we also have a Swiss roll?

In the drawer, under the waxed paper.

But won't there be a lot of discord?

I've never been better.

Not you either, I presume, Henry?

I've gotten my wife back,

and the brother I always wanted.

-That's a nice thing to say. -It's true!

Thanks a lot.

But, there's got to be…

…situations in which two of you feel…

…that you understand each other better,

and the third one feels shut out.

Can't think of any.

The practical side?

-The dishwasher? -I take care of that.

Actually, I've always enjoyed it.

Henry makes food.

Turid is mostly on parade.

-But I do the laundry. -I'm helping out.

It's always nice to contribute.

Excuse me for being a bit blunt here,

but we have to get to the bottom of this.

What are your sleeping arrangements?

I sleep alone.

I can't stand people…

…around me all the time anymore. At least not at night.

I like to keep my thoughts to myself.

Can't stand physical stuff all the time.

I think differently when I'm alone.

What about you?

Holger and I sleep together.

-It's a great arrangement! -We lie there chatting.

-We talk a lot of baloney. -A lot of dirty talk!

Yes, it happens.

Thanks a lot.

That's what it's like six days a week.

-And on the seventh day? -That's slightly different.

-On Thursdays we vary a little. -Yeah.

-Then one of us has to sleep alone. -We must have some fun,

and we think we have found a very good solution.

-You rotate? -No.

-Maybe you choose from week to week? -No.

I don't understand how you…

It's always fun when people from the health service are smoking.

Maybe I can have one?

Of course.

Let's see…

It's been many years.

But, when they play for me,

I feel an intense need for a cigarette.

Yes.

I can imagine.

How can this work?

The loser must get totally grumpy.

At least if it happens several Thursdays in sequence.

When he finally wins,

it gets to be quite a night.

-Who won the last time? -Holger, I think.

He is actually a real wild man.

So then you hope for Henry?

It doesn't matter. They are so different.

Both of them have qualities that I appreciate.

Turid!

Yes…

Holger is closer.

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

Yes…

An ejaculation is something special.

That's for sure.

-There'll be more opportunities. -That's right.

I found my confirmation suit. You can have it.

-What would I do with it? -It's my opening night.

-Today? -Yes.

It took many years and much money.

-Can't I lie here? -Come on!

It's so tiresome.

The underground… Do I have to?

This is important to me.

Just a film.

It's all crap anyway.

That's not a nice thing to say.

-It's the truth. -I don't know what the truth is.

The two us are here.

We can just as well try to make the best out of it.

So you admit that everything is meaningless?

Ultimately, yes.

And we should just ignore it?

We've got each other, you and me.

I'm fond of you.

And you're fond of me.

-Mum loves you, and you love Mum. -You don't love Mum.

Yes, I do.

But she doesn't love you.

I don't know about that.

So, why does she live with this Rütger?

I don't have a good answer to that.

In any case, I think you should come.

-I made that film for you. -Did you?

And a bit for myself, of course.

But a lot for you, actually.

I want you to remember me as someone who made something nice.

-Why did you do that? -Six.

No.

You have to throw once more.

Why is that?

Because…

We must see what you get.

I got six.

We can't teach Suzy to cheat.

Maybe you should throw again?

-I think so too. -You're so damn manipulative.

-Manipulative? -Dammit! I'll throw again!

Such things happen.

Yes?

Karianne, are you happy with the way you handled the situation?

Well, happy… It could always be done better.

Was it six?

I don't remember. It's a long time ago.

Was it six, or was it not six?

-I shouldn't have thrown so hard. -No.

And I should have let the board game…

…just stay on the table. And my voice got very loud.

Yes.

Does anyone have suggestions…

…for how Karianne…

…should have handled this situation?

There we go. It couldn't have been much worse.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

Look, Jardar!

That's our street, and he will pay…

…two thousand million!

Two thousand million.

Two thousand one, two, three…

-Now it's empty. -And I'm out.

It's called a clean sweep.

I'll get something to drink.

-100 kroner on horse number 7. -Which race?

Number 2.

Tomasz?

Why do you think some people win and some people lose on horses?

I've never thought about it.

But what do you think?

I don't know. Luck.

Luck? No way!

No, it's due to thorough examination of the horse, of course.

Of the man in the sulky,

the weather, the track conditions and other details.

Here.

Fortunately, your father has dedicated…

…much of his life to exactly this science.

Hi!

Hey… Chin up.

I guess we didn't win, but…

It was damn nice, wasn't it?

What's the matter?

I have to fix somebody's toilet.

And I wasn't even able to dismantle it.

Any money involved?

Yes. 11,000.

-Eleven grand?! -Yes!

Krzysztof! Watch this.

My son has a project going.

He renovates bathrooms for people etc.

But he couldn't dismantle the cistern. Have you got anyone who can do it?

That's it. Splendid.

Let's see…

6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 11.

-Here you are. -Thank you.

-Eleven grand. -A fun word for it.

It's been a long road to hoe.

It has often looked hopeless.

Who would screen a 20 year old film?

So, but…

Positive forces have pulled together.

And, hell, we have really made it!

According to Sjur,

the Aftenposten critic sat in the theater for 15 minutes…

…after the press screening, and he cried like a baby.

But I would like to thank more people.

First and foremost Jacken.

Of course, Jacken

Always first on the set.

The born perfectionist.

He passed away far too early.

And Rigmor, Torgrim and Bernstein are gone as well.

They were all exuding professionals.

Respect!

And I have to thank Anitra,

who has held out with me all these years.

It's not easy with a man who always wears blinkers,

busy with his project.

Thank you, Anitra.

No wonder you got kind of sick of it in the end.

I would have become totally bored.

And then Lise,

who sold me this suit and these shoes.

Who dressed me up so nicely,

if I dare say this about myself.

And, not least, she taught me to use belts.

Accessories, as she calls them.

Thanks for coming, Lise.

And Jens Christian,

my talented son.

Without you,

this would not be possible. You have financed the new version.

And I'm eternally grateful to you.

I don't know how to thank you.

It is…

No, I have no words for this.

But now I won't say any more. And not cry any more. I promise.

I'll let the film speak for itself.

So, let's have a party, folks. It's bloody well deserved!

-Jørgen! That was great! -Thanks a lot.

-Can we have a talk afterwards? -Yes.

Hi, Sjur.

You know that Aftenposten critic?

It turned out his mother had died.

He got the message when turning on his mobile phone after the screening.

So that's why he sat there crying?

Yes.

I'm afraid so. But the film is wonderful anyway.

So here you stand, all on your own?

Yes. This is a bit much for me.

I'm really glad you came.

I have an urgent need to apologize…

…for having talked about your film in such a condescending way.

I liked it.

-Hey, what are you thinking? -What do you mean?

-What about Rütger? -I don't want to talk about him.

Rütger is all right. He just talks about Germany a lot.

It's a bit unclear what it's all about.

It hit me right here.

It really did.

Thank you so much.

Congratulations.

Did you fuck her, or what?

Line? No, of course not.

-So it was a genuine compliment. -It seemed that way.

Take it to heart.

You won't get many of those in an average career.

So…

It's a kind of action drama?

The plot is not important.

What we're after, is your vision.

You would enhance the plot.

I'm serious.

I'll be leaving now.

Thanks for coming. Thank you!

Nice film.

Thanks a lot.

We're in possession of the best script I have read in a long, long time.

-Come by, and we'll have a look at it. -You've got a deal.

-Bye. -Bye now.

I read a bit about your program.

"Midlife."

-Good title. -See you later.

I talk to people who have found new directions, more or less in midlife.

So it's an appropriate title.

Hold on. This is awkward.

I see.

I'm so sorry.

Not that I don't like you, but it's complicated now.

-And it's my fault. -You can't just kiss me!

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry for wanting to kiss you!

Hey! May I have one more?

You know what I think?

No.

When someone has made…

…such a good film, like I have made,

Then he deserves to have someone come home with him.

Lie beside her and…

Talk a little.

Maybe cuddle just a little bit.

And you'll be served freshly squeezed orange juice in the morning.

I think you made a very nice film, Jørgen.

But not that nice.

For instance, it was kind of weird in the middle and in the end.

It was very good to get out a bit.

I spend far too much time couch potatoing.

But now I have to leave.

Could someone please give this filmmaker a hug?

Aftenposten's critic…

…lost his mother yesterday.

That's not a good time to write film reviews.

Completely incomprehensible.

Krzysztof.

-Hi. -Hi.

-So…? -He was very happy.

For you. 9, 10, 11.

Thanks for helping me out.

Idiot. You're entitled to a commission.

-Really? -You've never done it before?

No. Bye.

You are Tomasz Nowak?

-Yes. -You lived in Rembertów?

Yes.

I didn't really want to tell you,

but you're a nice guy.

What is it?

Ania has got herself a new job.

Ania?!

But…?

Sorry.