All language subtitles for Most.Likely.to.Die.2015.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

[dramatic theme music playing]

[birds chirping]

[phone ringing]

Hello.

- Did I wake you?
- No.

-Nobody's there yet, right?
I left early.
- Nope.

Can you believe it's been
10 years since graduation?

Oh, I feel so old.

It's gonna be great
seeing everybody though.

This isn't a good idea.

Listen, I know
you don't want people over,

but these are your friends,
your real friends.

Tonight we're gonna
get drunk, reacquainted,

help Simone fill out
her stupid name tags.

And then tomorrow
you and I are gonna be

the best-looking couple
at that reunion.

Whatever you say, Ashley.

Ray, baby, are you okay?

You know I don't give a damn

about that stupid
hockey thing, right?

Stupid hockey thing.
Right.

It just means you won't be
on the road all the time

and we can spend
more time together.

So just sit tight, baby.
I'm gonna take care of you.

I'll be there soon.

I'm fine.

[horn honks]

Yoo-hoo!

Ray, baby, I've got a surprise.

Look at what you've done
with the family manor.

Your mama must love this.

[humming a tune]

All ready.

I am saving the rest
of the striptease for you.

Well, well...

This is nice.

"Find me"?

Ooh, fun and games.

I like it.

Seriously, Ray,

you're missing out.

Ooh, great minds think alike.

Am I now?

Okay, Ray, I give up.

Now come out and ravage me.

[object rustles]

I know where you are.

Fisher twins' party,
senior year.

You remembered.

Oh!

Goddamn it, Ray!

This is not how you get laid.

Come out, asshole.

That's it. Creep.

- [door slams]
- [gasps]

Ray?

Screw you.
I'm out of here.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on.

[screams]

Oh, my God. Stop!

[whimpering]

Oh, God, stop!
Please stop!

[screams]

[dramatic theme playing]

[car engine revving in distance]

♪ I can't stop
thinking of you ♪

♪ Tell me, tell me ♪

♪ Tell me ♪

♪ Do you feel
the way I feel? ♪

♪Tell... ♪

Okay.

Come on, girl, ante up.

Oh, that's gross.
Okay.

The longest drive ever.

- Welcome back.
- Oh.

- Hi. You scared me.
- Help you with your bag?

Oh, no.

No, I think I got it, thanks.

All right, well,
you let me know if you
need any help...

- Okay.
- Gabriella.

Do I know you?

Butcher's Red Ale,
Saturday night only.

Poker nights,
that's what you
used to drink.

Tarkin.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Ray took me on,

you know, when I lost the store.

He brought me here
to be the caretaker

and look after his place
while he's on the road...

You know, hockey.

Okay, good to know.

Okay, I should go in.

Yeah, all right.
Well, let me know
if you need anything.

Got it.
See you around.

All right.

Not if I see you first.

Ray! Ashley!

Is anybody home?

[sighs]

Okay.

Hello?

Wow, impressive.

Oh, my gosh, who would do that?

Oh, my goodness.

That's gross.

[chuckles]

Shit.
Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.

- You came!
- Oh, my gosh.

- You're here.
- Jade.

I'm so... Stop.
I swear to God

I'm so mad at you
right now. Stop.

Did you find out about Brad?

You knew?

Why is he even coming?
He never even graduated.

Well, the faculty
is presenting him

with an honorary diploma,

you know, due to his
overwhelming success
and all.

It's two days.
You'll live.

-One hint of a warning.
-Yeah, and you wouldn't
have come.

Damn straight,
I wouldn't have come.

Well, go on then, go.
If you're gonna escape,

now is your chance,
'cause everyone's gonna
be here any minute.

[car horns honking]

Or right now.

It's too late.

You're doomed.

Stop, stop, stop.

[electronic music playing
over speakers]

[Man]
A toast to us.

- [all cheering]
- Cheers.

You'll be proud to know
that the goats

still reign as the best
senior prank ever.

[Simone]
That was ridiculous.

The real senior prank
was organized by
the cheerleaders.

And it sucked.
They TP'd

the goalpost
on the football field.

[Simone]
And the sprinklers came on.

Toilet paper is
really hard to clean,
Mike, that's what.

I can attest to that,
because the football team
had to clean it.

[Simone] Thank you.
-But the goats
were still way better.

Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.

Wait, wait,
I thought the goats
were Freddie's idea.

They were, yes,
but numbering three goats

"1, 2 and 4", that was me.

The faculty must have searched

for goat number three
for a week.

The phantom goat.
Ooh!

[Simone]
Less goat talk,
more name tags

for the reunion.
Who would like to get
this shit done?

Yes, ma'am, Miss Most Likely
to Get What She Wants.

All I want right now
is just spend the rest
of my life in that hot tub.

[Gabriella]
How did I get
wrangled into this?

Jade did not tell me
that there would be
hard labor.

-Simone didn't have
your number.
-Oh, okay.

[Jade]
But Miss Class President says

it's the yearbook
committee's responsibility.

Make fun of me
all you want, but I had
to organize this reunion

- from three states away.
- I helped, too.

Yeah, but
you're here in town.
It's easier for you.

Okay, who here
joined Yearbook
for the credits?

And it looked good
on my college application.

And who joined
for the hot teacher?

Yeah, of course.

[Freddie]
So why did you join
Yearbook, Gaby?

'Cause Brad
joined Yearbook
for the hot teacher.

[gasps]
Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
-What?

- Ray has an original.
[DJ] No way.

[Gaby] I thought
they were all destroyed.
-I know.

Ray must have smuggled one.

We got so much shit for that.

I don't know if
that's how I'd put it.
Could have been way worse.

That was not my fault.
I shouldn't have gotten
into trouble at all.

How do you figure that?
They way I remember it,
you did the eyes.

-We were so wasted.
-What's the point
of poker night?

It was still
a shitty thing to do.

I just meant that
it wasn't my fault
that it got out.

Ray's the tool
who slipped it
into the yearbook,

and we all got detention
until graduation.

Detention was awesome.
We bonded.

It was replacing that page
in everyone's yearbook
that sucked.

I still have scars
on my fingers from those
stupid razors.

[Lamont]
I can deal with a little
yearbook carving,

but Ray almost got expelled,

would have kissed that hockey
scholarship bye-bye.

Ray was lucky that
shit went down with John,
took the heat off him.

You guys, the only
lucky thing that happened

was that nobody got killed.
You're acting like one thing

wasn't directly related
to the other.

You think John had a gun
in his locker because of
the yearbook prank?

I definitely think it was
the straw that broke
the camel's back.

[Jade]
Gaby's right.

We had tortured that kid
since the first grade.

Yeah, Ray and
just about everybody else
in the student body.

I'm just saying, you know,

who knows what would have
happened if they didn't find it?

[Simone]
Poor John Doe... Dougherty.

God, we never
even called him
by his real name.

Whatever happened to John?

After he got expelled,
I think he went to juvie.

I heard he eventually
moved to San Francisco
with his mom.

Come on, guys.
New subject, right?

[All]
Yes, thank you.

[Jade] Okay?
- Yeah. Shit.

[Jade]
Did I tell you

that I had to go
through Brad's people

to invite him to this reunion?

His freakin' agent
fielded my calls.

[DJ]
He's Brad Campbell,
TV star now.

[Freddie]
You mean "Rock Mannon,
Private Eye."

[all laughing]

This isn't a good idea.

You said you'd talk to her.
You promised.

It's not that easy with her.

You could
charm it out of her,
if you wanted to.

I would be awfully grateful.

All right.

Come on.

I don't know,
it's just the whole
concept of a reunion

seems so archaic now.

I'm not much of a Facebook guy,

but I'm sure
you girls know already
who popped out six kids

and turned into a blimp.

Stacey Bevins.

- Okay.
- Told you.

- I know, right?
- Whose is this, guys?

Oh, I know.

Where is Ashley?

She's getting reacquainted
with Ray's hidey-hole.

I guess they're on again.

Uh-uh, I'd say
off again.

You guys, this is just mean.
I don't care who
she slept with.

- I'm taking this down.
- Who hasn't she slept with?

- Freddie.
- Oh, my God, Jade.

We're in high school
all over again.

- She's not my type.
- DJ.

I'm too much of a gentleman.

Anyway, Gaby,
poor Ashley just had
to pick up the slack

after you became
an ice princess.

That's mean, dick.
Jeez.

Oh.

[all shouting]

What are you doing?

Not the chocolate-covered
raisins!

Stop, stop.

Okay, what's the matter?
Out of ammo?

Well, that's ugly,

no matter who she slept with.

[engine whirring]

[Gaby]
I mean, I looked
like a psycho

in front of, like,
the 10th most beautiful
woman in America.

So you're a psycho.
Who cares?

You're our psycho
and we love you.

So this weekend
isn't just Campbell, no.

It's, like, Campbell
and a sex kitten.
Did you know?

Please, if I'd known he was
bringing a supermodel,
I would have told you.

And I also would
have asked him to bring
a few more to share.

-Thanks, your support
is really overwhelming.
-You're so welcome.

What are you doing?

-I'm currently
a little low on funds.
-No way.

So it occurred to me

that it would
a great service to shoot
the class reunion

and make it
available for downloads
at a modest price.

Freddie, no one's going to pay

to watch themselves
act like idiots.

Mm-hmm,
but will they pay

to watch their friends
act like idiots?

- Maybe.
- Holy shit.

Who knew Freddie was
the class genius?

Just a knack
for exploitation.
Now if you'll excuse me,

there are one and a half
celebrities in the hot tub,
and that's worth money.

By the way,
sorry about your bracelet.

Did you lose a bracelet?

Sort of, I guess.
It was a poker thing.

I didn't really think
anybody cared.

What are you talking about?

Okay, maybe it's not
quite TV star cache,

but professional
poker player... sexy.

I bet you say that to all
the girls, Miss Most Likely
to Slut It Up.

What? Most Likely
to Break Hearts,

thank you very much.

And anyway, it's all talk.

I'm a one-woman
woman now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

When do I get to meet her?

The reunion
tomorrow night, maybe.

Okay, hot tub calls.

You coming?

- No.
- What?

Yeah, I'm not gonna
play a hand I can't win.

Oh, Gaby, your loss.

God.

[Brad]
Boom, boom, boom!
Shotgun fire everywhere.

And I'm supposed to get shot
in the chest and fall back
into the glass.

And I have these squibs
with fake blood.

Except they go off early,

blood all over the floor.
I slip head first
into the glass.

But of course it doesn't break,

knocks me out cold.

That's moviemaking.

- I'm shooting a movie.
- I did see that.

No, a real one.
I can get you the script.

It's about these four guys
who break out of prison...

Freddie, tomorrow.
I'm taking the day
off, okay?

[yells]

[laughing]

Sorry.
Sorry, guys.

[all chattering]

-Where's Gaby?
-She didn't feel
like coming in.

You guys are never gonna guess

-who she ran into
this morning.
- Who?

- Tarkin.
- Oh.

- Tarkin?
- Yeah, Tarkin.

-That's a blast
from the past.
-I know.

-Who's Tarkin?
-He used to own
a liquor store.

Sold a little on the side too.

To underage kids
for twice the price.

He gave me my first
shot of whisky at 13.

What was Tarkin doing here?

He takes care of the place
when Ray isn't here.

Yeah, where is Ray?
I mean, he's not being
a very good host.

He's been
feeling pretty down
since he got cut.

You know, I should try his cell.

No cell reception.
I already tried.

The landline's dead too.

[Jade]
I bet him and Ashley
are down at the beach,

you know.

-They're down at the beach,
getting reacquainted.
[Freddie] Swimming?

[Simone] There's a lot
of caves down there.
-Spelunking.

I'm gonna get another beer.
Anybody want anything?

I would love it
if you could give me

a little shirtless action
in camera.

For your fans, Rock Mannon.

[Jade] Come on, take it off.
- It never pays me.

- Rock Mannon.
- Come on, Rock.

Bella?

Ugh, stupid.

Need some help?

No, I'm good.

Bella seems sweet, pretty.

Yeah, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Can I help you with something?

I... I want to be
friends again.

Okay, great.
Friends again.
Awesome.

-Whoa, wait, Queenie,
I just want to explain.
-Don't call me that.

Okay, I was a jerk.
And I don't know what else
to say, okay?

You abandoned me, Campbell.
You are a coward.

I was 17 and terrified.

I mean, come on, Gaby,
I'm trying.

It was really great
to see you, Campbell.
It really was.

But there's just isn't
anything left to say,

so you don't need to try, okay?

I'm over it.
It's in the past.

So did you ask her?

I haven't asked her yet.

I'm sure you'll find the nerve.

I'm gonna go change.

[door opens, closes]

[man breathing heavily]

So what
have you been up to
all these years?

You know, married, divorced.

Seriously?

I have a habit
of falling for things

that look good on paper.

How about you?

I teach at Andersonville.

- Our archrivals.
- Yeah.

- How could you?
- They're good kids.

Traitor.

So, not to point out
the obvious,

but you look good,

not the Lamont I remember
in high school.

Yeah, I... I grew up.

Yes, you did.

Look, I lied back then
when I said

I joined Yearbook
for the hot teacher.

Oh.

I joined for you.

- What?
- Totally.

I mean, I had
the hugest crush on you.

- You did not.
- I did. I did.

I just couldn't work up
the nerve enough
to tell you.

You know, I do remember,

right after Tommy and I
broke up,

that one day after class
you stayed

and you let me
cry my eyes out
on your shoulder.

I so wanted
to kiss you that day.

- I was in tears.
- Yeah, you were gorgeous.

Still are, more so.

So what stopped you?

I mean, you were
the class president.

You would have never gone
for a guy like me.

Yeah, that's probably true.
I'm not gonna lie.

But nothing like 10 years

to level the playing field.

Meet me in
the downstairs bedroom.

[DJ]
Should we be letting
her play? She's a ringer.

Um, hell yes.

I want to take some lessons
from the pro.

Lesson one:
Pro mucks her hand.
Muck, muck, muck.

What is this anyway...

The "most likely" thing?

Bella started modeling
at 13 in Italy...

Lots of tutors, no senior
superlatives for her.

Rough life.

I raise you 10.

[Freddie]
Oh, I'm in on this one.

- You in?
- Please.

Can't you see
I'm making a move
on your girl?

For us non-supermodels,
our friends, such as
they are,

predict our destinies
after senior year.

Not everyone can be
Most Likely to Succeed,

so those of us
near the bottom
of the food chain

get more colorful monikers.

"Most Likely
to Have the Last Laugh?"

Class prankster.

"Most Likely to Spike
the Punch"?

Class drunk.

Speaking of which,
when did you dry out?

I'll tell you
right after I win
my first hand.

Why doesn't Brad have one?

Gaby erased his
after he skipped town.

He dropped out a month
before graduation

and ran off to New York
to become a big
Broadway star.

-I guess she was hoping
he wouldn't have a future.
-I see.

20.

[Freddie]
Finally some action
from the pro.

[Brad]
Raise you 10.

[Freddie] I'm in.
[Gaby] I call.

- I'm out.
- Check.

20. Looks like
it's just you and me.

Yep.
Raise you 50.

[Freddie]
Oof.

All right, I'm in.

So how come
you've never won
a world championship?

-Really?
-First of all,
she can't bluff for shit.

-Shut up.
-Plus, she chokes
on the big hands.

[Jade]
No, you're both wrong.

She's too nice.

-She feels bad winning.
-Oh, my God, you guys
are killing me.

Okay, I check, I check.
I don't even know what
I have. I check.

- Raise you 50.
- All yours.

What? You had
a pair of kings.

That's right, I did.
And I laid them

face down on the table,
so I kind of didn't want
folks to know.

So much for laying traps, pro.

I wasn't laying a trap.
I was losing.

[DJ]
You had a set of kings.

Yeah, but he caught bullets.

Boom.
She's right.

That's amazing.
How did you know?

I mean, I can always
read Campbell.

He's the one who taught me
how to play.

Now, if y'all don't mind,

the pro's gonna
sit the next one out.

[car lock chirps]

- Coward.
- I was just...

Yeah, sure.
Come on, let's go
find Ray and Ashley.

I'm sure they're at the coast.

[sighs]

[engine whirring]

[Brad]
Ray! Ashley!
Olly, olly, oxen free!

Okay, yeah.
Yeah, that should do it.

It's TV.
What do you expect?

[both chuckling]

Hey, congratulations
on the show, by the way.

You know, I never really
got to tell you that.

Well, thank you.
Right back at you.

It's a living, I guess.

Please, you came in 18th
at the World Series
of Poker

out of, like, 6,000.

Yeah, but 18th is still losing.

It's still pretty amazing.

Still no poker bracelet.

Want to join the chorus

and tell me why?

I wouldn't dream of it.

By the way, what was that
me-teaching-you-poker
up at the house?

I didn't teach you anything.

Yeah, I don't know,
sure you did.

Just, like,
the important bits,
I guess...

Never expect to win,
never think you're
too clever,

never trust anybody.
They help.

Sounds like
a lonely way to live.

- [laughs]
- What?

I mean, careful, Campbell.

If I didn't know
any better, I thought
you were flirting with me.

Maybe you don't know better.

Okay, I mean,
you come up here
with a supermodel

and you expect me
to believe that you're
on the prowl?

Bella is a fling, okay?
I was trying to help her
get into acting.

And I only brought her
because I couldn't
shake her.

She knew you'd be up here and...

What?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What's...?

You want something from me,

but not for you, for her?

Okay.

I'm gonna say no, by the way.

But you might as well ask.

Okay, it's nothing.
She's doing a poker benefit

and she would like
some tips from a pro,
and I said yes.

Oh, wow.

Wow, brazen, I'll give you that.

Okay, well, I mean,

are the words
"over my dead body"
good enough for you?

- Yeah, crystal.
- Yeah, cool, great.

I didn't come up here for Bella.

Yeah, I know.
You came up here for
your honorary diploma.

Maybe once you get that,
you can grow the fuck up.

I'm glad you think
so highly of me.

God, okay, I know you, okay?

I can read you every time.

You get greedy.
You just...

You just had the best hand
in there, okay?

A good pot, unbeatable,

and you still wanted more.
You will...

You will always want more.

God, I learned that
a long time ago.

I may not beat you,
Campbell, but I've only
lost big to you once,

and I never will again.

[sighs]

Oh, where are they?
Oh, my gosh.

Ashley! Ray!

[engine whirring]

Ashley.

Ray.

Hello?

Ashley?

Holy shit.

-[yells]
-Jesus, Freddie,
what are you doing?

I wanted to get
you and Brad making out.

- Is he in there?
- No, no, no, no, Freddie.

Ahh! Ahh!
What the fuck?

Oh, fuck.

Freddie, shit.

Shit.
Oh, my God.

[Simone screaming with pleasure]

[laughing]

- Guys.
[Simone] Shit!

-Sorry, guys.
-What the fuck, DJ?
Knock next time, man.

Sorry, guys.
It's just something's
happened to Ashley.

-What happened to her?
-I don't know. I haven't
seen her yet.

-Lamont, we need your help.
-Yeah, yeah, I'll meet you
upstairs, man.

Oh, shit.
[chuckles]

Oh, my gosh.

[both giggle]

I'll be right back.

[gasps, moans]

God.

Gaby, Gaby.

What?

-When the cops
get here...
-What?

Can we keep Freddie out of this?

You don't think Freddie...

No, no, no, of course not.
It's just that, you know,

him being here in California...

God, he's breaking parole.

Wait, Freddie went to prison?

Yeah, he's gonna freak
that I told you,

but I just don't want him
to get in trouble

because I'm the one
who twisted his arm
for him to be here.

Just try.
Please, just try.

Yeah, okay.

Good.

[engine whirring]

Okay, yeah, that's real.

That's fucking gruesome.
Look at that shit.

-Oh, my God.
-What the fuck
do we do now?

Did you just find her
like that? Did you
go inside at all?

- No, I haven't touched her.
- It's horrible.

We can't just
leave her like that.

[Gaby]
Lamont will be back
with the police.

They'll need to see the body.

[Freddie]
What are we supposed to do?
Just wait around?

[DJ]
Lamont's going to be gone
for at least three hours,

pending he can even get
a signal on his cell once
he clears the mountains.

- Brad, don't.
- What are you doing?

She's our friend.
She's not just a body.

I'm gonna turn
the generator off.

[Jade]
Quit yelling at each other.
Stop yelling.

This isn't an episode
of "Rock Mannon."

God, you've gotten so cold.
How can you just stand there
and do nothing?

Because nothing is
what needs to be done.

If we just stay calm, then
maybe we can help the police
find whoever did this.

-You know who did this?
-What, Ray? Ray would not
do this, man.

- He has a temper, but this?
- How do you know?

-This is some
other shit, man.
-How do you know?

When was the last time
you guys saw him...
actually saw him,

not on Sports Center,
not on his fan page,
but actually saw him?

I mean, it's been 10 years.
Stop being so fucking
delusional.

We don't know
each other anymore.

I'm just saying,
don't jump to conclusions.

That's it?

Oh, my God, where's Freddie?

He just...
He needed a moment.

I'll find him.
You girls should go back
to the house then.

Okay, but it doesn't
feel right to leave
Ashley alone.

I mean, Lamont will be
back with the police.
I just...

- I'll...
- You want to stay here?

I'll stay with you.
I'm gonna stay
with her.

All right.
Hey, Gaby,

Brad's in shock.
You don't have to
prove anything.

No, I know, I know.
Thanks.

- I'll be back.
- Okay.

God, this is just so surreal.

[mechanical click]

["Pomp and Circumstance"
playing over speakers]

Hello?

Is anybody here?

Lamont.

Guys?

[screaming]

Help!
Help!

[struggling to breath]

[engine struggles, quits]

[Jade]
You know what
the creepiest part is?

All of it?

Yeah, but...

Brad's right.

I mean,

you're my best friend.

We get together once a year.

We text.

Come on, Gaby.

What do you really know
about my life,

or me about yours?

Your life on the poker tour...
I can't even imagine that.

When we were kids,

we actually knew each other.

We've grown up.

We've all changed.

[chuckles]

- What?
- People don't change.

They just become better
at being the shits
that they were.

Speak for yourself.

I am, okay?

I mean, look at us.

I make a living
off trusting nobody,
least of all myself.

Gaby.

Freddie's still hustling.

Brad's still trading
on his charm.

You're still...

What?
I'm still what?

You're still here, Jade,

in the one-horse town
we were born in.

Why are you still here?

I'm gonna wait at the house.

I'm sorry.
Jesus.

You want to analyze this, Gaby?

Fine, go ahead.

But I'm not gonna
stick around for it.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.
Damn it, DJ.

Oh, my God, now is not
the time to be sneaking up
on people.

- Sorry.
- Oh, fuck.

Any sign of Freddie?

Plenty, if you count
regurgitated pizza.

But no Freddie in the flesh.

No Ray either.

I mean, why would he
stick around?

Why would he kill Ashley?

Well, she used to cheat
on him a lot.

And maybe the cut
from the Rangers

was just too much
for him to handle.

The Rangers thing, maybe.
But I don't see him

giving a shit
about who Ashley fucked.

He's not like you and me.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, let's just say
we both kept track

of who screwed us.

You think I'm like that?

Come on, your grudge
for Campbell

has been growing so big
over the last 10 years,

by this point it can fill
the Grand Canyon.

But do you let him have it

when he walks through the door?

No, you just ignore him,
pretend he doesn't exist.

Holding that shit in
is dangerous.

So what, I should
just prank him?

Hey, it keeps me sane.

And it gave me a rep
in high school

of something more
than a reject loser.

If it weren't for the pranks,

I'd have ended up
just like John Dougherty.

Okay, I'm not like you, DJ.

I just handle things
differently.

That's bullshit.
You were just like me.

In high school,
you were a fighter,

a survivor.

And once you realized
that school band wasn't
doing much for your rep,

you traded in your clarinet
for a set of pompoms.

And by senior year,

you were dating
one of the most
popular boys in school.

Yeah, and look
where that got me.

Campbell fucked you over.
And after that, you changed.

That's the same reason
you haven't been able to win
a poker tournament.

God, why do I even bother
paying a shrink?

I've got you guys.

That other stuff...
They were just mouthing off.

But I've watched you play.

When it really matters,

if you don't have the hand
to back it up, you fold.

That killer instinct you had...

It died somewhere.

If I lived my life like that,

I'd be shit.

Didn't have the looks.
Didn't have the brains.

Didn't have the money.

I had to bluff my way
up the food chain,

same as you.

And you used to be great at it.

So you're saying,

if I can win with a bad hand...

Say, for instance,
lure a TV star

away from a supermodel
with my nonexistent
feminine wiles,

then I can win a poker bracelet?

Well, yeah.

God, just shoot me now.

-Oh, God,
what are you doing?
-Watch it, asshole.

-Campbell,
what are you doing?
-Gaby, shut up.

I'm taking you
back to the house.
We need the lights.

- Bella just found Simone.
- What?

This is crazy.

I mean, this is nuts.

- I'm gonna be sick.
- I mean, Ray and Ashley,

I can wrap my mind around,
but Simone...

How could Ray do this?

- She's in the hot tub.
- Obviously.

No, no, no, no.
Okay, Ashley's name
was in lights.

And Simone just got
exactly what she wanted...

To spend the rest
of her life in a hot tub.
It's their "Most Likely Tos."

She's right,
so whoever did this...

They were close enough
to hear what she said.

I've got gasoline here.
What have you got?

[Gaby] Yeah.
- What is this?

[Gaby] Gas.
[DJ] Yeah, I think
we're in trouble.

Yeah, no shit.
All the fuel lines
have been cut.

[Jade]
What about Ray's?

[Gaby]
Who knows? The ground
underneath looks dry.

[Brad]
Who knows how to hotwire
a truck then?

[DJ]
Yeah, if it's before 1996...
this is bullshit.

[Jade] Great. Great.
- Find some keys.

No poker tournament
is worth this!

-We need to start walking.
-I'm not walking
in these heels.

-We can't just stay here.
[Brad] Okay, let's just
get inside

and come up with a plan.

DJ, we need to secure
the house, lock the doors
and windows.

- I'll get Ray's bedroom.
- I'll check the kitchen.

[rustling]

[both scream]

Freddie, Jesus,
what are you doing?

I need some fucking cookies!

I eat when I get stressed out!

- [door slams]
- [screams]

It's Tarkin.
It's Tarkin.
I know it.

100%, it's him.
He's broke.
He's lonely.

He's living here
in the middle of nowhere.
He's gone fucking crazy.

He's creepy enough.

He always watched me
change from outside
the bedroom window.

And you didn't say anything?

People watch
me all the time.
I'm used to it.

But maybe he heard Simone
if he was close by.

Or it could have been someone
who was already in the house.

I'm just saying.

I gotta go pee.
Who's coming with me?

I'm not going alone.

It's okay.
I have to go too, so...

- I'll go together then.
- Yeah.

[urinating]

Look, I'm sorry
about earlier, okay?

I was just like...
I was way out of line.

You want to know
why I never left town?

It's none of my business.

I fell in love.
That's why.

[toilet flushes]

Why hide that from me
of all people?

I didn't think you'd approve.

Me?
Are you demented?

How can I not approve
of you being in love?

With our Honors English teacher.

Elaine Miller?

You're dating Tiller Miller?

And that's why
it's still a secret.

Speaking of secrets,

Elaine and I stayed here
last year.

There have been
some break-ins

and, well, Ray just
wanted us to feel safe.

Now you know and I know.

Just in case we need it.

Why show me?

You may not trust anyone, Gaby.

I get it.
It's okay.

But I trust you.

All done.
Who's next?

You.

What were you two
whispering about?

Nothing.
You want to sit down?

[water running]

When I was obliterated
drunk in my car,

ran a red light

and smashed into
oncoming traffic,

my boyfriend was
in the car with me.

He didn't make it.

That's when I stopped drinking.

What the fuck?

[muttering]

Oh, my God!
Oh, shit!

[Freddie]
I didn't do anything!

Then why aren't you
covered in blood?

-Because I didn't
wash my hands.
-Bullshit.

-Damn it, Campbell,
you're not helping.
[DJ] Rock Mannon, are we?

[Brad] What about you?
- What about me?

No one knows
anything about you
for the last 10 years.

I haven't been hiding
from my problems like you,
that's for sure.

Wow, great, let's just
tear each other apart, save
the psychopath the trouble.

[Jade]
Shouldn't Lamont be back by now?
Something must have happened.

[Brad] Maybe he's in on it.
- I don't believe that.

-Maybe you shouldn't...
[Jade] Shouldn't what,
princess?

Believe it.
Holy shit.

Am I being punked?
You set me up.

[Jade]
It's nice to know who
the world revolves around.

[Brad]
Bella, I swear, it has nothing
to do with anything...

Oh, please, like this
cabin-in-the-woods shit
really happens.

It's more of a coastal property,

but maybe Boobies has a point.

What if we are getting punked?

I mean, did anybody
check a pulse?

[Jade]
Oh, my God, they wouldn't.

What about you, class prankster?
You're probably in on this,
aren't you?

Sweetheart, I wish
I was this good.

Where the hell are you going?

To check on the bodies.
What else?

Bella, no one knew
you were gonna be here.
I don't know what you think...

You did.
And you set me up,

so I'd feel like I was
part of the group.

I figured it out.

I'm not leaving.

Okay, then I'll go alone.

You never did care
about me, did you?

No, I'm sorry.

I'll go with her.

Bella, wait.

Wow, the brave man
is gonna let his girlfriend
go find the killer by herself.

I didn't let her go alone.
DJ's with her.

There's always an excuse,
isn't there?

Look, it may have taken me
almost 10 years to figure out

what's important to me, Gaby,
but I know what is now.

And I'm not gonna
jeopardize that again.

I don't need you
to look after me.

[instrumental music playing
over speaker in distance]

Is that
the "Rock Mannon"
theme song?

What the fuck?

That's my cell.

Hmm?

That's my cell.

There it is.

Okay, so that means
we have a signal.

What's your cell phone
doing on the floor?

I don't know.

Wait here.

[phone beeps]

-Hello.
[Man] You never did sign
my yearbook, Campbell.

-Who is this?
- You never did sign
my yearbook.

[screaming]

Get the gun!
The gun!

Hey, asshole!

Don't shoot.
Brad's back there.

[Brad groaning]

Oh, shit.

Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my goodness.

[mumbles]

Did we get him?

Get him to the couch.

Oh, shit.
Shit.

When did you even get a gun?

-Why aren't we using it?
-Give me your shirt,
Freddie.

-We didn't know
who to trust.
-And you do now?

Guys, what about the phones?

Still no signal.
We're either unlucky
as fuck

or he's somehow blocking it.

Okay, you guys,
go check the balconies,

see if you can see
DJ and Bella anywhere.

- Come on.
[Gaby] Fuck.

Shit.

Good job leading the troops.

If this were a TV show,
you would have saved
the day by now.

Yeah, if it were a movie,
I'd be the killer.

Fuck. Where's Lamont?
Shit.

Hey, look at me.
You saw the robe.

There is no coincidence
that our reunion
is tomorrow.

This isn't
a random psychopath
we're dealing with here.

This is somebody we know, okay?

You need to be careful.

So you're telling me
to trust no one?

Well, no one except me.

Thank God.

- There's no sign of him.
[Gaby] Oh, shit.

Just Simone in the hot tub.

Look, I think
it's safe to say
this isn't a prank.

Okay, we need
to figure out
a way out of here,

because obviously walking
is off the table, right?

There are two ways
to trap an opponent.

You can advertise strength
or you can feign weakness.

- Who's feigning?
- We need to focus

on what's left,
which Most Likelies.

Most Likely
to Spike the Punch...

All those words are
extremely aggressive.

Most Likely to Play
the Hand She's Dealt.

Let's just hope
it's not aces and eights.

Most Likely to Break Hearts.

[Freddie laughs]

Your wake of scorned lovers

is probably laughing right now.

Karma is a bitch, isn't she?

- Grab your camera.
- What?

I want to say goodbye
to my girlfriend.

Come on, guys.

I know deep shit
when I'm in it.
Get your fucking camera.

Fucking over here,
there's better light.

[Brad groans]

What are you doing?
Stop, no, no, no.
You shouldn't.

Trust me, it's better
than lying here, waiting
to be butchered.

A man of action,
just not when it counts.

You know, Gaby, you're right.

It doesn't matter.

- It does matter.
- It doesn't matter.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

We had something special.

And I wanted more.

At least I thought I did.

When you got pregnant...

I just saw my whole life
disappear.

I wasn't ready and I panicked.

I didn't need you to be ready.

I just needed you to be there.

I wish I would have stayed.

From the bottom of my heart,

I wish I would have stayed.

You should not have
done that alone.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

[shutters]

Brad, Brad.
Shit, guys.

Guys, he's
going into shock.
Grab a blanket.

-Here.
-Oh, God, his body
temperature's dropping.

Oh, my God, he's freezing.

-I'm gonna go
boil some water.
-I'll go with you.

Okay. Keep him talking.
Keep the gun close.

Yeah, okay.

Brad.

Brad, come on, come on.
It's okay.

Gaby's gonna
get you some water.
It's okay.

We need to get him
to a hospital.

Lamont should have been
back by now.

What if that pig fucker
was in the car
when he left?

Oh, a what a time
to be on the wagon.

Maybe I should
just OD on whisky
and save Ray the trouble.

You think it's Ray?

Brad can barely move.
It's not gonna be Jade.

And I'm pretty sure Bella,
DJ and Lamont are freakin'
dead right now.

We just haven't found
their mutilated bodies.

So, unless it's Ray,
who is it? John Doe?

Maybe it is, okay?
Makes the most sense,

finishing what
he didn't get to
back in high school.

Except he has no idea
where we are, Gaby.

I could barely find this place.

What about you?
You left your name
off the list.

Lamont told you
I did time, didn't he?

He wanted me
to look out for you.

Just like Lamont,

always looking out for people.

"Fuck your parole.
Come to the party,
motherfucker.

We've got to
cheer Ray up."

Well, Ray is fucking
happy now, isn't he?

Texas Chainsaw Massacre happy.

[whistling]

Bella, you're okay.

- He's out there.
- Where's DJ?

He's...

[screams]

[screams]

[screaming]

Oh, my God.

Jade!
Shit.

Shit.
Jade!

Jade!

Jade!

Jade!
Jade!

Get out of the way!

Oh, God.

- Get me out of here.
- Okay, stand back.

No, no, no,
don't shoot. It's steel.
You'll kill us.

I'm sorry, I'm just
trying to help.

- Okay, give me the gun.
- Wait, why?

-'Cause I'm gonna
go after him.
-Gaby, no.

- Give me the goddamn gun.
- Fuck.

-Okay, go back,
make sure Brad's okay.
-Okay.

Fuck.
Okay.

Oh, okay.

[whimpering]

[whimpering]

Oh, my God, Jade.

Oh, my...

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry.

[Jade sobbing]

Gaby...

[deep breathing]

Gaby.

I'm sorry.

Jade!

[sobbing]

[deep breathing]

DJ, DJ.

DJ.

Damn, DJ.

Hey, DJ.

What... what the hell
happened?

It's Ray.
Ray... he attacked me.

Simone's dead.

What?
Wait, wait.

No, no, no, no, no.
What are you talking about?

-You were gone
longer than I thought.
-No, no. See, see,

my car ran out of gas
about 10 miles back.

Somebody cut my fuel line.

Yeah, I know.

It was me.

[screams]

-No, no, no.
-Let's see if you really
can eat anything.

No, DJ!

Brad.

He's not dead.

Not yet.

["Pomp and Circumstance"
playing over speakers]

Brings back memories,
doesn't it?

Where did you go?

I heard screaming
in the kitchen,

so I ran to the bedroom
and hid under the bed.

Bella's dead.
She's decapitated.

And then this happened.

Where's the gun, Freddie?

I don't know where the gun is.

You guys had it last.

It's right here.

DJ, what the fuck?

Sorry for the delay, guys.

I had a legend on ice
locked in the trunk
of my car.

So right now Ray is
nice and chill.

Freddie, come sit down.

Keep an eye on Ray.

Don't make me kill you, Freddie.

Come on, play along.

You might just
get out of this alive.

You did this, DJ?
Why would you do this?

[turns off music]

It all goes back to...

John Dougherty, really.

All this over a lousy picture?

No, Freddie.

We helped destroy John's life,

all of us.

And you and me, we used to...

We used to be best friends
with him in grade school.

You too, Gabby.

We used to all go
to summer camp together.

- Yeah, and we grew up.
- We gave up.

We sold our souls to survive.

We put on masks,
turned our backs on the people

who were actually our friends.

And look at you now.
You're...

[DJ laughs]

You're a fucking ice princess.

And you're an alcoholic,
an ex-con.

- Was an alcoholic.
- Still a loser.

And you're a fucking
serial killer.

- Exactly my point.
- It was high school, okay?

It sucked.
You graduate.
You get over it.

But John didn't graduate.

I didn't ask that kid
to put a gun in his locker.

No.

No, you didn't.

But Ray asked me
to put a gun in his locker.

And because I was
a spineless piece of shit,

I did it.

Ray knew he was going
to lose his scholarship.

Ooh, so he needed
something big to happen,

to make what he did
just look like

a little harmless
yearbook prank.

So now John wasn't just
getting humiliated.

Which, frankly,
he was getting used to.

No, no, he was getting expelled,

getting sent to juvenile hall.

I ran into him
up in San Francisco.

We became friends again.

And nothing went right
for this guy...

I mean, money, women, friends.

He didn't have anything.

He didn't have any...
Any dignity left.

So one day I told him
what we had done.

I wanted him to realize
that it wasn't the world
coming down on him.

It was us.

And the next day,

he threw himself
off the Golden Gate Bridge.

We casually destroyed his life.

But I decided to do
something about it, so...

so this weekend
is about retribution.

And if it wasn't
for good old Ray here,

none of this would have
ever happened, so he's gonna
take the credit for it.

[Ray muffled grunting]

Poor Ray.

He just snapped
after the Rangers cut him.

His little ego couldn't take it

and he just killed everybody.

So that's it then, hmm?

Kill us all, pin it on Ray,

then you can sleep
better at night?

I don't want
to kill you, Gaby,
not if I don't have to.

Haven't you been listening?

I mean, me and you are the same.

We've both got blood
on our hands now.

I'm trying to help you get
that killer instinct back.

And Freddie here...

Well, he's suffered
just like us.

Freddie's boyfriend
was in the passenger seat

of his car
when he plowed into traffic.

There wasn't a lot
left of that seat,
was there, Freddie,

when they
pulled his body
from the wreck?

No.

So I'm gonna let
the two of you live,

if you help us out,

because we're not done yet.

- Who's "we"?
- Who's "we"?

Me,

Ray and the graduate.

John Doe and I
have a long list of people

to visit tomorrow night
at the reunion.

We've got jocks,
cheerleaders, the prom queen.

Who's that guy who held you
down and pissed in your hair
in fourth grade?

Dougie Jones.

Dougie Jones!
That fucker's gonna die.

So how about it, Freddie?
Are you in?

Uh-uh.

- Ah!
- Are you in?

I'm in, I'm in, I'm in!

And how about you, Gaby?

You in?

Sure, I'm in.

Well, Freddie here
has always been one

to give in to peer pressure,

but I'm gonna need
some convincing with you.

It's time to catch up
with me on body count.

Time to get some real payback.

Gaby...

Speak of the devil.

Now if anyone here
deserves vengeance, Gaby,

it's you.

Senior year,
this son of a bitch
tells you he loves you.

He steals your virginity,

knocks you up, and then
heads for the hills.

How did that make you feel?

I wanted to kill him.
I still do.

So...

here's your chance.

[mumbles]

I just want you to know

I forgive you.

[DJ] Whoo! Whoo!

- Fucking die already.
- Let me.

Who's got the last laugh
now, motherfucker?

You know I was only kidding
about that business, right?

I know, Freddie.

[Ray muffled shouting]

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God.

Queenie.

You'll survive.

Shit.
Oh, my God.

Okay, come here.

Let's get the fuck
out of here, come on.

Let me see the gun.

Let's get out of here.

Are you okay?

You realize
you're starring
in my movie, Campbell?

- You got it, Freddie.
- Great.

It's about this crazy
high school reunion.

[Gaby]
Shut up, Freddie.

[Freddie]
But there's a happy ending.

[Gaby]
Let's just get him
to the hospital first.

[Freddie]
All right.

[death metal music playing]