Original subtitles

¶¶

¶ Look at that sun Look at that sky

¶ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly

¶ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree

¶ It's about as beautiful as it can be

¶ Whoa

¶ Today is gonna be exceptional

¶ Never boring even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

¶ Whoa, whoa

¶ Never boring even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

(CLOCK TICKING)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Yeah, no Mrs. Morrisson.

Well, I guess we're having another substitute.

Let me guess. You want to show us

your drawings of potential substitutes?

Actually, I only drew one. Check it out.

The '80s teen angst movie, frustrated teacher

who's forgotten why he got into teaching in the first place stereotype.

Uncanny.

Yeah, I saw him in the hallway.

MR. BLUNT: My name is Mr. Blunt.

The K is silent.

Wait. There's no K in Blunt.

It's also invisible.

What do we have here?

We have an artist in the house.

You like being an artist, son?

Well, it is an art class.

All you get from doing art is a cramp in your hand,

a pile of shattered dreams,

and 15 years in the service as a dishwasher.

And then, like some cosmic joke,

you end up as a substitute art teacher.

I'm guessing we're not talking about me anymore.

You were a dishwasher?

Now you all listen to me.

I run a tight ship,

and I expect total and complete order.

Well, isn't art by its very nature, chaos?

That's it, Mr. Art-is-chaos.

Detention!

No, you don't understand. He's a Murphy. He can't help...

His ethnic heritage is irrelevant.

You get detention for even bringing it up.

That is so not fair.

Detention.

I agree with you, Mr. Blunk.

Detention.

(CHIRPING)

Detention.

ALL: (OVERLAPPING) That's not fair.

Detention for all of you!

I've never been in trouble before.

I wonder what it's like.

(GROWLING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Target acquired.

Milo Murphy. Revenge Mode Activated.

(ROARING)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Ugh. I can't believe we have to do detention.

All right. Listen up.

I'm gonna give you the worst punishment I can think of.

I'm gonna make you do art.

You said art was a waste of time.

It is, and that's why I'm gonna make you do it.

Now, when I come back in two hours,

I wanna see an abstract sculpture

that represents the essence in each of you.

That sounds fun.

Go suffer and make art.

(VARIOUS LOCKS TURNING AND CLANGING)

Wait. Has that door always been there?

(CLANGING CONTINUES)

I had it installed during lunchtime.

(RELOCKING DOOR)

You're welcome, animators.

Look at all of you

with your preppy clothes and perfectly-coifed hair.

You all think you're better than me, don't you?

Bradley, what are you talking about?

You're the preppy one.

Zack, would you get with the program?

This is like one of those '80s movies,

where a bunch of kids are forced to have detention,

and then they all learn something about themselves

at the end.

But one of us has to be the angry malcontent

who masks his pain by lashing out at the others.

Lashing out.

Finally, a use for Bradley's plant hand.

BRADLEY: Look at you, Melissa.

Always with a smart-alec remark.

And you, Amanda, Little Miss Perfect.

And you, Chad.

The jock who has everything going for him.

I'm Mort.

Yeah, I can never tell the difference.

Thank you. I thought it was just me.

Well, We really should get to work on that sculpture.

So, uh, hey...

Or we could just goof around in the classroom, '80s style.

¶ Don't you try to wag your finger at us

¶ I think you even looked it up our status

¶ We're not possessions

¶ We're not toys that you can put on your shelf

¶ Don't you know we don't belong to you? ¶ No

¶ We don't want to see your point of view ¶ No

¶ We can do what we want to do

¶ We can decide...

¶ We can do what we want

¶ We're young and strong

¶ So we can do what we want

¶ Without any apprehension

¶ We can do what we want

¶ Our list is long

¶ Just as long as what we want is to sit in detention

¶ We'll do what we want ¶ Yes, we are the opposition

¶ So we can do what we want

¶ It doesn't matter your intention

¶ We can do what we want

¶ We can use our own volition

¶ Just as long as what we want is to sit in detention

¶ We can do what we want ¶

And everyone thinks they know me, but they don't.

I have a wild side.

One time, in algebra,

I didn't take any notes at all.

Thank you for sharing, Amanda.

That was very brave.

I have something I wanna say.

I've never told this to anybody.

It's okay, Mort. This is a safe space.

As the angry malcontent, I say it's not.

Oh, Bradley.

You've probably just never fallen in love.

Yes, I have. (CRYING)

So, does anyone wanna hear my thing?

(CRYING) Carla!

Great.

Now, who wants to make that sculpture?

Wait a minute.

We haven't heard from Zack.

Or me.

BRADLEY: (CRYING) Carla!

Well,

I guess I do kind of feel like

I'm always living in Milo's shadow.

I mean, when some crazy disaster happens,

I always turn to Milo, and he fixes it.

It's, kind of, like I'm a bystander in my own life.

Way to bring down the room, Zack.

Dude, you were just crying like a baby.

I never knew you felt that way, Zack.

Not all the time. I just...

Sometimes wish I could handle chaos the way you can.

Well, next time something crazy happens,

I'll let you take care of it.

(ROARING)

¶ Well, you started life as a grizzly bear

¶ And then the government hijacked your mind

¶ Government hijacked your mind

¶ So you turned into a cyborg killer

¶ Programmed to annihilate mankind

¶ You got mistreated

¶ And you got defeated by a middle schooler

¶ Who made you eat it in a sinkhole

¶ Now he's the one that you're trying to find

¶ You're looking high and low for Milo

¶ And if you find him, there's gonna be blood

¶ Somebody better go tell Milo

¶ Hey, Milo, watch out, bud

¶ 'Cause there's a cybernetic grizzly bear

¶ He's got your DNA

¶ From a sample of your hair

¶ And he's looking just about everywhere for you

(GROWLING)

¶ He's looking high and low for Milo

¶ And, of course, he wants revenge

¶ On you know who ¶

(GROWLING)

So, what are we gonna do?

Just wait around for some weird Murphy's Law thing to happen?

That could take hours.

Actually, if we all close our eyes,

and chant "Murphy's Law,"

something will happen.

BOTH: Really?

No.

You guys are so gullible.

It's cute, really.

(RUMBLING)

Okay, Zack, this one is yours.

Okay, I got this.

First of all,

the sprinkler system should kick in any second.

Okay, guess I need to screw this back on.

You can do it, Zack, huh?

¶ I'm not Roxanne, I'm not Eileen, I'm not Sherona

¶ And I don't wanna study, work or stay at home-a

¶ She's Lindana, and she wants to have fun

¶ She's Lindana, and she wants to have fun (METAL CLANKING)

¶ She's Lindana, and she wants to have fun

¶ She wants to have fun, fun, fun, fun, fun (SHRILL FEEDBACK)

(OBJECTS CRASHING ON INTERCOM) ¶ She's Lindana, and she wants to have fun

¶ And I don't want...

(SINGING CONTINUES)

(GROWLING)

MR. BLUNT: ¶ I wanna have fun ¶ (CRASHING)

Okay. Okay. If I were a Milo what would I do?

(GROWLS) (CRASHES)

(HISSING)

(ALL CHEERING)

MR. BLUNT: (SINGING) ¶ I'm not Roxanne, I'm not Eileen, I'm not Sherona

¶ And I don't wanna study, work or stay at home-a ¶

(CONTINUES SINGING)

MR. BLUNT: Whoo!

Wait, where's that feedback coming from?

Was this on the whole time?

Thanks for believing in me.

That was all you, Zack.

All right, in there. Your two hours are up.

That sculpture better be...

This is...

Beautiful.

Even though it's abstract, the meaning is so clear.

This cage. This must represent Amanda's desire to be free.

And this Bunsen burner.

The flames that burns within Zack that he's afraid to share.

And this whiteboard with all the scribbling on it,

that's you, Chad.

BOY: I'm Mort.

You kids have not only restored my faith in art,

but you've restored my faith in kids.

But we totally destroyed the room.

That's okay. Art is by its nature, chaos.

Besides, I'm never coming back to this school.

I'm gonna start a dance troupe.

(WHOOPING) Put your hands up!

Um, so where did that sculpture come from?

One rule about Murphy's Law,

just go with it.

You know, I never got a chance to...

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

(WATER BUBBLING)

Well you better get down here real quick,

we got a real emergency here. WOMAN: What's your emergency?

Well, I'll tell you what that emergency is.

Those darn writers are going with the crashed truck bit again.

WOMAN: What am I supposed to do about it?

What are you supposed to do about it?

You're my agent.

You're supposed to get down here and get them stopped

while we're using this bit.

We're going back to the well too many times for old Trucker Ted's comfort here.

That's right. How's the darn audience supposed to believe

I'd be allowed to drive trucks if I crashed this many of 'em?

Did you crash the truck? Well, yes. I crashed that truck.

That's what I do I guess.

What were you carrying? Says here I'm carrying maple syrup.

Looks like it ruined some kinda school event.

Are you gonna clean it up? No! I'm not cleaning it up.

That's just a plot device to send the story someplace else.

And not a darn minute of screen time

for trucker Ted the rest of the show.

Makes a guy question why he even bother having an agent.

This is awful. What are we supposed to do now?

Make a giant waffle. No jokes.

Yeah! No jokes, Melissa.

This is a very sticky situation.

(LAUGHS) Ow!

Well, looks like we'll have to relocate the annual picnic

and dry clean this sign.

Don't worry, Principal Milder.

Hamilton H. County park isn't being used.

Hamilton H. County?

Hamilton is the less popular brother of Jefferson G. County.

Why haven't I ever heard of him?

His enemies destroyed his rep and America forgot him.

Um...

Anyway, it's a nice park.

Sounds good to me.

Cool! The four of us will get there early and set it up.

Easy-peasy mac and cheesy.

I seem to remember mac and cheese exploding at your house.

We won't be at my house.

Well, then, I'm pretty sure everything will go perfectly.

MILO: Wow.

I need to update my photos of all the parks in town.

So much for easy peasy. Yep.

This is crazy-peasy.

Come on. We have a whole day to whip it into shape.

Like my dad always says,

"It's easier to fix up a dilapidated park

"than put tiny pants on a cat."

Your dad has a lot of really specific sayings.

But look at this place.

I think I'll take my chances with the cat.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, this will be a breeze.

I once cleaned and organized the entire garage

in less time than one episode of Real Babysitters of Atlanta.

That is nothing.

I once sanded and repainted all of our patio furniture

in the time it takes to boil an egg.

Oh, yeah? Well, I once tossed

a tennis ball in the air and built an entire gazebo

before it hit the ground.

I built a lemonade stand from tongue depressors

and made $42.

In nickels.

Maybe you should put your mouth where your money is.

Okay!

You take the right side of the park

and I will take the left.

Whoever has the prettiest side by four o'clock wins.

Wins. Wins what?

Something. You're on!

And what about us?

You boys will clean the statue in the middle.

You don't win anything.

Ready, set, go! Hey! You can't just...

Too late, I'm starting!

(GROWLS)

(SOFTLY) May the most tightly wound spring win.

BOTH: We heard that.

Hey, I appreciate you offering to help.

But the trash pickup does actually

go quicker if you get out of the van.

I'll pass.

I'm not really the physical labory

worky do thingsy type.

I am good at pointing things out.

Look. That looks pretty alieny.

Get out of the van!

Sheesh.

Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the alien

trash collecting job today.

What're you doing?

Hamilton's face isn't gonna scrub itself.

I'll be up in a minute.

Just looking for my helmet.

Definitely not my helmet.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

Boo-ya!

(SIGHS)

Looks like I forgot to pack my helmet!

I'll just do the bottom half.

Okey-dokey!

(SCREAMS)

Mommy!

DOn't worry, Zack.

I'll get you down. Hang tight.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm doing.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh?

Okay... Did you just "uh-oh"? Uh-huh.

Why are you uh-ohing?

Oh, boy.

Now you're oh-boying?

Oh, boy, what?

What's going on down there?

(WHIMPERING)

This almost never happens but...

I... I think I packed the wrong stuff today.

Yep. Wrong stuff.

I mean, what did I think I was gonna do

with a copy of Moby Dick?

Hey, if you have 75 more of those things

we can make stairs and get me down!

Is that alien trash? Rock.

Is that alien trash?

Lizard.

Is that alien trash?

Bottle cap.

Is that alien trash?

Same rock.

Ooh, shiny.

This looks...

That's weird. (GROANS)

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

I could throw this up to you and...

And what? Yank me down?

Oh, yeah. That sounds really safe, bro.

I'm just spit-balling here.

You don't have to get cranky.

Dude, I'm sorry, okay?

All the blood's rushing to my head is making me really loopy.

Whoo-hoo. Okay.

Whee! (LAUGHS)

(GROANS) Okay.

And a little dizzy. (GRUNTING)

Boo-ya!

Boom!

Wait a minute. I haven't heard you complaining for minutes now.

What gives?

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

What? What... I can't understand you

when you're all piled up on your face like that.

Let me... Let me just turn you over and...

Man, just like you're a boneless chicken.

Why you gotta make things so difficult?

I'm not doing this on purpose.

Hey, what's this?

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

Oh. Oh...

Okay, that was a warning, wasn't it?

You were trying to warn me.

Oh. This does not bode well.

(GROANS)

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

ZACK: Oh, my. Got your name upside down.

I'm gonna get you down in a second. I promise.

Hi, little birdy.

You look just like a little dinosaur.

(GROWLING)

If you were really, really big,

you'd be the huge birdasaurus

at the top of the food chain.

And... (BIRD CHIRPING)

(SIGHING) Circle of life.

I need a... Duck pond.

I need the hose.

(CRASHING)

Murphy's Law!

Actually I don't think that was Murphy's Law.

I think that was us being overly competitive.

Then we have to fix it.

Okay. Let's do this together and make it twice as good.

Boom! Boo-ya!

BOTH: Boom-ya!

So is this just us now?

We're blobs?

I'm sure it'll wear...

(BOTH GROANING)

Okay, we're back.

Oh, wow, it is hard to move when you have no bones.

But, on the plus side, it's very relaxing.

I got all of the stress out of my shoulders.

Okay, that thing is definitely alien.

We gotta get it into the van. I got it.

Wait, don't touch... Oh, that's right. Here goes...

(GRUNTING) Ugh.

Hi. (CHUCKLES)

You know it's funny how when you hang upside down for long enough,

your brain makes you think you're three-quarters marmoset.

(SQUEALS) That's how marmosets talk!

(CHATTERING)

Wait. What's that? Wait... What...

MILO: Stay with me, buddy! Huh?

Do not go into the light!

Wait, are... Are you kidding right now?

I don't even know how many hamsters I have! (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(GOATS BLEATING)

Well, it seems I owe you, my trusty agent, an apology.

Look at old Trucker Ted getting two appearances this episode!

And I didn't even have to crush a truck.

AGENT: What do they have you doing?

Looks like they've got me driving a truckload of goats.

Says here in the script that the goats are nice and calm

as long as no one blows a whistle near 'em.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

(ANGRY BLEATING)

Whoops. Somebody blew a whistle right on cue.

Whoa, look at 'em go. They're getting ornery.

Hey, what's happening there?

Hey, they're getting a mite out of control, is what.

Sounds to me like a plot device.

Well, yes, that is a plot device, but thanks.

I'm glad you finally learned something while I'm getting beaten by goats.

Hey, Milo. Do you think babies are evil?

(CHATTERS)

Whoa! (GRUNTING AND SCREAMING)

At least I'm upside up. (RIPS)

Don't move! I'm gonna...

Phew! Well, I guess that worked itself out.

(BLEATING ANGRILY)

(SCREAMING)

Wait, did we do this?

(LAUGHS) Oh, yeah, it looks great!

A little help, guys?

(ALL CHEER)

ALL: Yeah!

(INDISTINCT)

So are we clear on the fact

that we should not touch this thing ever, right?

Right? Very clear.

Very clear.

Good. I'm calling Block to tell him what we found.

Do not touch. (BEEPS)

Hey. How's it going out there in Garbageland?

Pretty good. So we had an...

An interesting thing happen while we were...

I wanna hear all about it. But first, I gotta warn you.

If you find a glowing alien carburetor,

do not touch it.

It will turn your bones into a noodley liquid.

Yeah, a noodley liquid. Well, it just so happens...

Sorry, gotta go. Back to work, boys.

Uh... Have a great day.

(BEEPS) You go ahead. I'm all worked out.

I need to relax.

Ahh.

Hey. Stop it.

Quit poking me. Quit poking me!

Quit poking me! Quit poking me!

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Whoa

¶ Whoa

¶ I'm not sitting here watching the world turn

¶ You know I'd rather spin it

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶