Original subtitles

¶¶

¶ Look at that sun Look at that sky

¶ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly

¶ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree

¶ It's about as beautiful As it can be

¶ Today is gonna Be exceptional

¶ Never boring Even for a minute

¶ It's my world And we're all livin' in it

¶ Never boring Even for a minute

¶ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ¶

ZACK: I got her. I got her. Take that!

MELISSA: I shall resist!

Oh! So much for resisting!

MILO: Wait, let me... Wait up!

No, no, no, no, no! No! No!

(GROANS) No!

(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION) One of these days I'll actually get to finish a game.

Murphy's Law.

Has it always been like this?

Pretty much.

I remember the day when we first met Milo.

It was about 13 years ago.

(GLASS SHATTERING) (LOUD CRASHING)

Sara, is your father home yet?

Nope. Hmm.

Murphy's Law and no Martin.

I guess we're having a boy.

Oops. Right now!

Sara! Yeah, I'm on it.

Call an ambulance.

Aw, Mom.

Oh, hey. How did you and Melissa meet?

When we first met, it was... Harrowing.

I was gonna say first grade, but, yeah.

It was the first day of school,

and I don't mind saying, I was pretty excited.

I was thrilled at the prospect of meeting new friends.

I was also a little nervous, too.

I had never really been away from Mom and Dad before.

But I knew it would be okay, because I had my backpack.

(BARKING)

Diogee, go home.

You're not supposed to be in line for the bus.

(BARKS)

(WHINES)

Hi, I'm Melissa Chase, age six.

I'm precocious.

HI, I'm Milo Murphy.

I'm... hazardous.

We just met, so now we're gonna be best friends.

We're not best friends just because we met.

I mean, we're not four.

Okay. How does it work?

Well, best friends share goals and ideals

which they cultivate by having shared experiences.

Oh, okay.

By the way, I'm noticing you have a lot of owies.

Yes, I do.

And I earned every one of 'em.

And your backpack is really big.

I need my backpack because of Murphy's Law.

I have no idea what that means.

Melissa, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good.

What was that all about?

Oh, that's just Murphy's Law.

Anything that can go wrong around me, will go wrong.

Uh, Dad?

Diogee.

We're gonna have to keep an eye on you.

(DIOGEE BARKS)

Have a seat.

Mm. Might be safer to be over here, then.

Or maybe over here.

Yeah, this is good.

Oh. Okay.

I understand.

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: But it wasn't till I got outside the photo store

that my life changed forever.

I had a nemesis.

That was how I first met Perry the Platypus.

So, how did you and that fussy old guy meet?

It was a long time ago,

in the future.

ANNOUNCER: New time agent recruits.

Please select a vehicle for your driving test.

If you survive today,

you'll get your first assignment and partners tomorrow.

Thank you.

"The time delineation gear is for quick trips in local space

"allowing you to move three times faster than local time."

Ooh! Super speed!

All right, Cavendish. You are on your way to becoming

a fully fledged time agent.

This deserves a lolly!

Slide over, stretch. I need a ride.

Wait a moment! Who are you?

Is this for me? Thanks!

That's mine!

Ugh! What flavor is this?

Black currant.

I'm not even gonna ask what that is.

(CAR POWERS UP) Wait, wait, wait!

What are you doing? No, no, no, no. Wait! Don't!

What. Was. That?

Shortcut through the Mesozoic.

Come on, let's get some burritos.

Tres burritos, Rita.

That means, "Three burritos, Rita."

Great crabknuckles.

You risked our lives for a lousy burrito?

No, no, no. I risked our lives for an amazing burrito.

So good, it only exists in this time and place.

You want nachos with yours?

You would make a terrible partner.

Yeah? Oh, I wasn't asking.

So! What've you got in the backpack?

Oh, boy. First day of school.

It's a new day for you, Bradley Nicholson.

This is a small jar of vinegar and a piece of oak.

And a big... You have a giant hook?

Wow. Way to bury the lede.

There it is, Dad. The Snowflyer 1.5.

I can't wait to get this baby up on the mountain.

Okay, I can't wait to get Snowflyer 2 up on the mountain.

So, what'd you use a grappling hook for?

(SCREAMS)

Hey. What happened to the bus?

Murphy's Law. Yeah.

He's my...

Oh, Milo Murphy.

I'm not sure I like this.

Don't worry. You'll get used to it.

(JET ENGINE BUZZES)

Here. Quick, put this on.

You might need it.

(DOLPHINS CLICKING)

Well, this is pretty cool.

CAVENDISH: It's in the manual.

Page nine, paragraph 15, line five.

A recruit may not use a company vehicle for personal use.

There are rules, man.

I know. I just don't always choose to follow them.

When we get back to our own time,

I will be reporting you to the proper authorities.

Not everything's in the manual.

Sometimes you gotta improvise when the unexpected happens.

Like that.

Oh, no! Those kids need help!

Come on. Let's role.

What are you doing?

Yeah, that looked a lot cooler in my head.

(JET ENGINE BUZZES BY)

Oh, no. We're going to lose them.

Not if I can help it.

CAVENDISH: Now they're going too fast.

What're we gonna do?

And now they're airborne.

Wait. We'll use the time delineation gear.

The what now? It's the time delineation gear.

It allows you to move three times faster than local time.

That is in the manual.

(SLOW VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING)

Hang on.

Woo-hoo!

We're actually driving on water.

Yeah, I bet that wasn't in your manual.

Hey, you got 'em? Got 'em.

(BRAKES SCREECH)

Boss, take it outta gear!

Take it outta gear!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

That was amazing.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

So, Murphy's Law.

Things happen and you just have to roll with it?

Well, yeah, that's pretty much it.

Cool. I'm in.

Really? Yeah.

I mean, it was scary at first,

but you made it look so easy.

You mean it? Yeah.

You're really nice, Milo.

So, does this mean we can be friends?

After that ride?

We're gonna be best friends.

Oh, Milo Murphy.

Wow, you really do make a terrible first impression.

He does. I do.

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Oh, so that's how you met Cavendish.

Yeah, that was a cool story, bro.

Uh, I'm not done.

What, you're not?

'Cause you just saved a bunch of kids, I just assumed it was...

Okay, okay, I'm sitting back down.

So, let me tell you what happened the next day.

MR. BLOCK: Come in already.

Okay, let's see what we got here.

Recruit No. 68427, Cavendish.

This is your new partner,

Vinnie Dakota.

Hoo boy. It's you.

Wait a minute, do you two know each other?

Here it comes.

I'll tell you exactly what I know about this man.

When someone is in trouble,

he's a good man to have around.

Balthazar Cavendish,

pleased to make your acquaintance, sir.

Pleased as well.

And thanks. Don't mention it.

I won't

Although I might. Later.

I'm sure you will.

Whatever. Get out of my office.

And that's how Cavendish and I became partners.

Wow, my story was totally better.

It's not a contest. No, no, I mean...

But if it was, you know...(CHUCKLES)

Winner!

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

This is Chad reporting for the Jefferson G. County School Channel.

It's only eight hours till tonight's Speech and Debate

League of Death and Destruction

Crosstown Explosion Event.

So preparations are underway.

ZACK: Milo, isn't this speech and debate?

Why is there a wrestling ring here?

After all the excitement of Athledecamathlon and Cake 'Splosion,

most scholastic competitions

have added an athletic element.

There's Melissa and her team practicing.

Pro, con.

Practice topic is, "Running water on your toothbrush

"before you brush them." Go!

Pro, getting your toothbrush wet first

makes the toothpaste stick.

Con.

The water softens the bristles so they don't clean as well.

Wow. I had no idea speech and debate was like this.

It really got my heart rate up to aerobic levels.

And I was just watching.

That's the idea, actually.

We've been training for months.

Yes, months.

And Milo's mere presence, here at this practice,

could blow the whole thing.

Aw, come on, Bradley. (CLOTH TEARING)

(BOTH SCREAM) (CRASHES)

See?

Milo, Zack, please.

I need you two to fill in on the team.

Gee, I don't know, Melissa.

Arguing just doesn't come naturally to me.

Yeah, it does.

No, it doesn't.

Yeah, it does. No, it...

Oh...(CHUCKLES) Hey.

I'll take that as a "yes."

(SPRINGS CREAKING)

If you don't mind,

please get Milo as far away as possible.

Like, Alaska.

(BLOWS WHISTLES) All right, boys,

in each debate, one of us gets the pro side and one gets the con,

but you'll need to do it using your body, not just your mouth.

Points are distributed for verbal acuity as well as physical technique.

Let's get to work.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Oranges have more vitamin C.

Cats are more self-sufficient.

But dogs can fetch your slippers.

Sports montages are overused.

But they're an economical way to further the story... (GRUNTS)

Yes No.

Yes. No.

Golf's not a sport, it's a pastime.

I agree.

ZACK: Country music is better than western music.

I did not know there was a difference.

You guys ready?

Seems like we've been training for days,

but it's only been 32 minutes.

I'm still not sure I got enough practice debates in.

You got this, Milo.

We got this. Now, let's get into character.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Hello, all 17 of you

tuning into Jefferson G. County School TV,

and welcome to today's speech and debate event.

Joining me is my fellow judge Mr. Drako.

Good evening, debate-wrestling fans.

And our guest host for this evening,

Coach Nolan Mitchell.

It's Coach Cobra Big Bowlin' Nolan, thank you very much.

Oh...(CHUCKLES) the air in here is electric.

Coach Cobra Big Bowlin' Nolan is super excited

about tonight's event.

Okay, coach.

For you viewers out there, I guess it's not hard to tell

whose idea this incredibly expensive event was.

Thank goodness we started to sell ads on this channel.

(ANNOUNCER READING)

Extreme! You'll never sleep again!

I'm sure there are better ways to spend this money.

If the vampire here got to blow up

the sports field for his event,

Coach Cobra Big Bowlin' Nolan can have this.

Geez, Nolan, bring it down a bit.

All right. And refereeing tonight's event

is our own shop teacher Mr. Menke. (CROWD CHEERING)

First up from Jefferson G., they're smart and crazy.

Put your hands together for

Intellectual Insanity Plea.

COACH MITCHELL: Please welcome

the Melissanator! (CROWD CHEERING)

MR. DRAKO: Beware the Zack Attack, ha-ha-ha. (CROWD CHEERS)

MURAWSKI: And finally,

hmm, Milo Murphy.

Uh-oh. Yeah, are we at a safe enough distance?

Murphy! He's planning on bringing

the awe and destruction of Murphy's Law.

If I was the other team,

I'd expect pain.

Hmm, that goes for anyone in this building, actually.

I, uh... Maybe this was a bad idea.

(STARTING BELL TOLLS)

Did it just get cold in here?

MURAWSKI: And now, prepare yourself

for the nightmare-fueled world of Los Debators Gigantes.

MR. DRAKO: Bow down to Infinitive Splitter.

Whoa.

Don't let them intimidate you,

They're trying to get into your heads.

(HOWLS) (CROWD CHEERING)

MAN: (SHOUTING) Oh my goodness, what?

Too late, they're in.

They're in.

MURAWSKI: Back from the grave, to carry you off to yours,

The Retorter.

(CHEERING)

MR. DRAKO: And finally, there is no mercy from

La Locutora.

Hi, nice to see you guys again

I really love your outfit.

You're going down, Murphy.

I'm not really sure how this all works.

Stop being so nice.

(OPENING BELL RINGS) (CROWD CHEERING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

MR. DRAKO: First debate, "Front lawns,

"Right or reckless?"

Infinitive Splitter, you have the pro argument.

(CLANGS)

A well-manicured lawn can increase kerb appeal and property values,

which contribute to a healthy local economy.

Oh! (CHEERING)

He opens with a verbal clothesline.

A lawn converted into a front vegetable garden

could provide food for your family and friends

and there is no greater value than that.

Boom! (CHEERING)

Suplex to the brain!

ZACK AND MILO: Yeah!

Okay, debate number two,

"Boy bands, blessing or blight?"

Seriously? (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh no.

Coach Grab-Big-Bowl-o-Nolan knows that music. ¶ Murray...

It's Murray the Middleman, ¶ ...the Middleman.

the Middletown School mascot. (CROWD BOOING)

He buys product from wholesalers ¶ Murray the Middleman

and then sells them to retailers at a hefty price.

What's he doing here? Who knows?

Back to round two, "Boy bands."

The Retorter will kick us off.

Boy bands are a joke,

the kids have no real talent.

The Retorter is raising them over his mental hand.

The songs are paper-thin, radio-bait

and like losers...

Could it be?

They always peak early.

Yes! (CROWD CHEERING)

The zombie lands the power slam! Ouch.

Well, the joke's on you, Retorter,

boy bands are a great proving ground for young talent,

plus their images have improved teen magazine sales by 23%,

thus stimulating the national economy.

And Zack Attack has landed a stunner on that zombie,

and this crowd is eating it up.

Wait! What is Murray the Middleman up to?

Murray's distracting the ref

with a sale of referee jerseys.

(CROWD GROANS)

(WHISTLE BLOWS) Out of bounds.

MR. DRAKO: Five points.

What!

Coach Cobra Big Bowlin' Nolan doesn't like this one bit.

How could Murray the Middleman get away with it?

Where did that come from? Is it...

Yes!

The Janitor is in the house!

Ha! (CROWD CHEERING)

How are those profits looking now, Middleman?

Drako, trade seats with me.

Sorry about that, guys.

It's all right, Zack, we have several rounds to go.

(ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: ¶ You've done your best to prepare for this

¶ You were training like a man possessed

¶ You've been worn down, dragged down

¶ Poked, prodded, pushed and pressed.

¶ The training regimen is quite confusing

¶ It sets your brain and body back to using

¶ You put your battle-strength

¶ And arguments and reasoning to the test

¶ It's a proven test of dying will

¶ It's just a bunch of unrelated skills you're utilizing

¶ The future debating is death and destruction

¶ Across town to start a debate

¶ Defend your argument

¶ Defend your argument

¶ Defend your argument!

¶ So if you wanna take home the prize

¶ Defend your argument ¶

(CLANGS)

MELISSA: It's the last round.

Now it's up to you, Milo.

Our final topic today,

"Winning awards or participation trophies?"

Los Debators Gigantes won the coin toss,

and has selected "winning."

THE RETORTER: We're all about winning!

You are definitely going down, Jefferson.

(GULPS)

And this last showdown for the win

will be a cage match!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Ooh, this is so cool.

Ugh.

Wait, Milo.

The fact that you even agreed to do this

and all the crazy events we've been through together tonight,

has made me see that the win isn't what's important.

This. This is important.

Being in a cage match with those crazy Middletown kids?

No, spending time with my friends.

Ow, thanks.

Thank's, Melissa.

(CAGE MECHANISM CRANKING)

MR. DRAKO: Los Debators Gigantes, you're up first.

Begin.

Winning is everything.

Without a winner, how can there be goals for students to strive for?

Participation trophies only encourage mediocrity.

Vicious intellectual piledriver.

She mentally climbed that cage

and brought down her full fury on Murphy's brain.

Can he recover?

Oh, for crying out loud.

And now Milo will make his final argument.

I would like to start off

by saying what a good job you and your team have done tonight.

What? Murphy is staggering

to his mental feet, but clearly he's still stunned.

Participating with your friends is what's important,

not winning.

I'm just glad I had the opportunity to try.

Oh, my word! (CROWD GASPS)

Murray the Middleman was hiding under the ring!

He's in the cage and attacking the ref!

What can anyone do?

Every time you have to label someone a winner,

you're labeling the rest losers,

and no one here today is a loser.

Except you guys, Murphy.

COACH MITCHELL: It's The Janitor,

and he's got the key to the cage!

Oh, thank goodness!

Just by participating, I've already won.

If I had my way,

everyone here in this gym tonight

would get a participation award.

COACH MITCHELL: Oh, Middleman!

MILO: In fact,

I'd be fine forfeiting so you can have the win.

You're gonna forfeit?

Oh no, you don't get to be the better man,

I'm twice as good as you.

I'm forfeiting twice as hard.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

MR. DRAKO: Murphy's done it! Jefferson wins!

Jefferson wins!

This slipped into utter nonsense,

I'm not even sure what I'm still doing here.

(GRUNTING)

Bill, Stan, this was a lot of fun tonight.

Thanks for doing this. Hey, no problem.

The superintendent!

Another wrestler? No,

that's the school's actual superintendent.

None of this was approved.

We might be in a lot of trouble here.

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Whoa

¶ Whoa ¶ I'm not sitting here watching the world turn

¶ You know I'd rather spin it

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶