Original subtitles

¶¶

¶ Look at that sun Look at that sky

¶ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly

¶ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree

¶ It's about as beautiful as it can be

¶ Whoa

¶ Today is gonna be exceptional

¶ Never boring even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

¶ Whoa, whoa

¶ Never boring even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

So, if what we're doing is picking up Milo,

why did we have to get here an hour early?

(SNAPS)

Oh, I see. (SMACKS LIPS)

Don't say boom.

Hey, Milo, get your backpack down here, we're wasting daylight!

(CRASHES)

(MUFFLED) Be down in a minute. What?

(CREAKING) (MILO STRAINING)

(CRASHES)

(MUFFLED) Be down in a minute. (CLEARS THROAT)

(IN NORMAL VOICE) I said, be down in a minute.

(CRASHES) (MILO SCREAMS)

MILO: Maybe a minute and a half.

Don't suppose you brought a deck of cards.

Balthazar T. Cavendish, Field Report 106.

It's been several... (GROANS)

It's been several days since I went rogue and left the agency,

and I think, at long last, I'm on the verge of a breakthrough.

The unusual heat signature pattern that I've been following

seems to be getting stronger.

I feel the alien ship is very near, and I...

What the...

Oh, thank goodness it's just honey. (LAUGHS)

That could've been a huge disaster.

(SNIFFING)

(SLURPS)

(CAVENDISH SCREAMING) (BEAR GROWLING)

(BEAR SLURPING) (CAVENDISH GIGGLING UNCONTROLLABLY)

Stop it, stop it! No, seriously.

Balthazar T. Cavendish, Field Report 170.

As luck would have it, an unpleasant incident concerning unsolicited honey

and a rather ravenous bear, led me directly to that which I have sought.

At long last, I have found the alien ship.

And with this as proof, I will surely open the eyes of the public

to the danger of the alien presence among us. (PHONE BEEPS)

(CRACKLING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Cloaking malfunction.

Cloaking malfunction. Cloaking malf... (CRACKLES)

DAKOTA: It's just with Cavendish gone and everything,

I don't know what to do with my time.

Yeah, I know how you feel.

Yeah, so anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to work with me.

You know, looking for Cavendish.

Hmm, helping, finding,

sound like things a good guy would do, right?

I'm in. Fantastic.

Oh, and sorry again about the mess,

and aethers, they're so volatile, am I right?

(THUDS)

(CREAKING)

(MILO STRAINING) (CAR JACK CRANKING)

MILO: Hold on, almost there.

You got any games on your phone?

Read 'em and weep.

Why would I weep? Because I feel so sorry for you when I double your high score?

Talk is cheap, but I got the high score in the game regionally.

Hah! Boom! (VICTORY TUNE PLAYS ON PHONE)

Wait, how did you do tha...

Teach me.

SECURITY GUARD: Sir, sir, you can't go in there!

(DOOR SLAMS OPEN) I'm sorry, Mrs. Jamison...

I'm sorry for the interruption, but I have a breaking news story

that you simply must see!

Yes, and I have an app to put an armadillo on every picture.

Christine! (PANTING)

Get this guy outta here.

(GROANS)

Ugh! Beans on toast!

You there, boy, grab that van and come with me.

And prepare yourself for the scoop of the century.

Yeah! Promotion!

Not bad for my first day on the loading dock.

CAVENDISH: (WHISPERING) It's right this way.

If this leads the news at 5:00 and 11:00,

I'm hoping it will raise the alarm

about the alien invasion. (CRACKLING)

Well, what do you think?

Yeah, (HESITATINGLY) uh, what am I supposed to be looking at exactly?

The giant spacecraft, directly behind me, you Dumpty.

How come, every time, I steal a news van with a guy in a top-hat,

he ends up being a total nutcase? Bogus.

(CRACKLING)

DAKOTA: So, this is the last place I saw Cavendish.

Let's look around for some clues.

You mean, clues like he got a secret life?

Or like, he's royalty, part-monkey, or, or both!

Like all the other royals. Ooh! A sledgehammer.

(STRAINING)

Just be careful, this place is a rental.

(STRAINS) (BREAKING)

Eh, well, he's not here.

Break time?

(CLANGS)

MAN 1: Hey, look, free wall hammer.

U.S. President, uh, beard, snow pipe hat...

Abraham Lincoln. No. Skip it.

There was another President with... No time!

Next. (STAMMERING) It was the thing in that one movie with that guy.

The Other Dimensionator? Yes.

Next one. Okay, this is something that oozes from you body

but it's not all that unpleasant. Uh...

(PIN CLINKS)

Um... (CRASHES)

(SPURTS)

Murphy's Law. Yup. Next.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING) It's right over here.

This could be the biggest radio broadcast since War of the Words.

War of the... Stand by.

All right, 10:45, 15 minutes before the hour,

and you're on the (PLAYBACK) Pa-Pa-Papa Mike Show.

(BOY'S VOICE PLAYBACK) You can smell it! (BABY WAILING)

CHOIR: ¶ Papa Mike on the radio.

GROWLY VOICE PLAYBACK: Lock it in and turn in up!

FEMALE VOICE PLAYBACK: Listen to your mother.

And I'm coming to all you crazy critters out there from the Deadville forest.

(MONKEYS CHATTERING PLAYBACK)

Well, boy, Balthazar Cavendish has promised to show us

an actual UFO. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING FROM STEREO)

But first, here's a blast from the past,

one of my favorites by Pile of Clouds,

Jeherrozod.

Okay, show me what you got.

Oh, yes, well its... Step through here and prepare to be ama...

Oh! It was right here.

I swear it. (PLAYS SAD TROMBONE FROM RECORDER)

(CRACKLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS) There! There! Turn around, my good man, and prepare to be astonished.

(CRACKLING)

Uh, yes. It's a lovely UFO, sir. You must be very proud.

Oh, my, thank you. I'm just pleased that... Oh wait.

That was sarcasm, wasn't it?

Ugh! Of course it's vanished.

Where the devil did it go?

It... (GROANS) Ow! (CLANGS)

(CLANGING) Yes! Oh! Here it is. It's here!

Look! (PANICKING) Must be a cloaking device of some sort.

You know, miming doesn't work on the radio.

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: So, you two hung out here a lot, or what?

Sometimes, but we never ate this much.

So, your missing friend, maybe we need to

get into his mindset, you know,

think like the perp. Hey, he's not a perp.

He's my bu... You know what I mean. What was he like?

Was he a wildly unpredictable ladies man

who plays by his own rules?

Or maybe, a down on his luck gambler

who plays by his own rules?

Or (STAMMERING) a straight arrow rule follower

who plays by his own rules?

Uh, the last one.

See, I'm getting into his head already.

I am Claventree... "Cavendish."

And I play by my own rules!

I don't think we're making any progress here.

All we've done is eat.

Like, five lunches already today.

Hey, the third one was your idea.

Yeah, but you're supposed to stop me!

When i have a dumb idea, I expect my partner

to call me on it and steer me towards something less self-destructive.

Whoa! Whoa! Hold on there, buddy.

A partner is supposed to fly through the window and hit you with his tail.

At least, that's what Perry the Platypus did.

Well, that's not what Cavendish did. (EXCLAIMS IN DESPAIR)

If he was such a great partner, why did you kick him out?

I didn't, he left. Haven't you heard anything I've said?

That's all I have done all day, is hear you say things.

In that annoying nasal tone.

Oh, you're the one to talk. Your voice sounds like

a screech-owl being dragged under a cement mixer.

You don't know what that sounds like.

Yeah, I do, it sounds just like you.

All right, that's it!

(CHOMPS) That was mine.

I know!

(AIR HISSING)

Yeah!

Aw, come on!

¶ You've seen him before You're gonna see him soon

¶ He's Recurring Raccoon

¶ He's Recurring Raccoon ¶

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) (FLY BUZZING)

(METAL CLANGING) (JET ENGINE STARTS UP)

Right this way for the scoop of the century.

An alien ship.

Doesn't look like much because it's cloaked.

Are you messing with me?

No! No, no, no. It's here. Heh!

I'll show you!

If it wasn't here, could I do this?

CAVENDISH: Ta-da!

(BIRDS CHIRPING) (CAVENDISH GROANS SOFTLY)

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Just because I'm a newspaper reporter

does not mean I'm a joke!

We used to be the world's only source of news, you know?

REPORTER: Nutcase. (ALIEN SHIP APPROACHING)

(EXCLAIMS IN FRIGHT)

(ALIEN SHIP LANDS HEAVILY)

CAVENDISH: (IN AWE) It's back!

(DOOR WHOOSHES OPEN) CAVENDISH: A door!

If I can't get the people to the saucer,

I'll take the saucer to the people!

CAVENDISH: I'm coming in! Prepare to be boarded. (EXCLAIMS)

(CRASHES) (CAVENDISH GRUNTS IN PAIN)

(MYSTERIOUS ALIEN MUSIC PLAYING)

Hmm. It appears to have been on autopilot.

Let's see. (BEEPS)

(METALLIC WHIRRING) (THUDS)

(WHIRRING) (CAVENDISH EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)

(EXPLODES) CAVENDISH: (EXCLAIMS) Oh!

(MACHINE BLOWS UP AND POWERS DOWN) CAVENDISH: (EXCLAIMS) Ow!

(MACHINE BREAKS DOWN) (GLASS SHATTERS)

(LEVER ENGAGES) (JET ENGINE STARTS)

(JET ENGINE ACCELERATING)

(WHIZZES)

(CAVENDISH EXCLAIMS)

Whoa! (JET ENGINE STOPS)

(THUDS)

Ow!

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: (GROANING) Oh! Ah!

Hey, look, I am sorry for what I said earlier

I was just... I was bloated and upset and...

(SIGHS SADLY) I was wrong.

And I've had a lot of time to think while I was lying here groaning

and I've realized something.

The human body is a disgusting thing?

Well, that, yes, but, but,

It's also... It's not fair to expect anyone

to measure up to someone from your past.

You're right.

You gotta accept people for who they are.

Anyhow, you know, I'll still help you

look for your friend if you want.

Thanks. Hey, you wanna grab one more Slushy Dawg for the road?

Yeah, I think I have more feelings to eat.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SLAPS HAND) Ow.

MILO: Here I come!

(SLAPS HAND) Ow.

(GRUNTS AND PANTS IN EFFORT)

Boy, someone knows how to make an entrance.

(ALIEN SHIP WHIZZES BY)

And now we're all in your room.

(NERVOUSLY) It won't stop! Nothing will stop it.

I've tried everything except...

(CONTROLS CREAK) (LEVER ENGAGES)

(JET ENGINE POWERS DOWN)

(HISSING)

Don't look at me like that.

You just got lucky.

(EXPLODES) CAVENDISH: Whoa!

(SCREAMS INTO THE DISTANCE)

(CRICKETS CHIRPING) MILO: So...

You guys wanna just hang out in my room today?

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

And that was the first time

I got to ride on a rescue helicopter.

(ZACK GRUNTING IN PAIN)

Eh!

(CONTINUES GRUNTING)

Bye, Zack! ZACK: Bye, Dad!

(ZACK GROANS)

Oh, no! What happened?

I broke my leg.

Duh. How?

I was trying something new.

(LIGHT APPLAUSE)

(DAINTY AND MELODIOUS STRING MUSIC PLAYING)

(TWEETS)

(LOUD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(AUDIENCE GASP)

(AUDIENCE LAUGH)

Interpretive dance, really?

(SIGHS) I knew I shouldn't have told you.

Not that it matters, 'cause I'm never doing it again anyway.

Why not?

Did I not mention being tangled in a harp?

You did, but I thought it was a metaphor.

Well, at least you got your friends.

And your lunch!

(GROANS) (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I've never seen him like this.

We need to do something to cheer him up.

A party!

A cast party! You know, 'cause he has a real cast.

'Cause... You guys got that?

Oh, okay.

I'll invite him over this weekend.

We can surprise him.

(ZACK GRUNTING IN EFFORT)

(DOORBELL RINGS) Hey, Zack!

Hey, Milo.

You're wearing man-dals?

Yup. My foot needed space because I broke my little toe.

MARTIN: Same here.

What are the odds we break the same toe

on the same day?

Yeah, pretty high in this house.

Well, nevermind that.

(CHUCKLES) Wait 'til you see this!

EVERYONE: Surprise!

Wow. What's going on?

It's a cast party!

ZACK: You guys all got sympathy casts?

MILO: No, that's the amazing thing.

They're all real casts!

Yesterday, when we were planning the party,

everybody broke something.

It's true, Zack.

And I wasn't even around.

I broke my funny bone, which was not actually funny.

It was a little funny.

We threw the party to cheer you up.

Yeah, we don't want you to be such a sad sack.

Or sad-Zack.

Like, because his name is... Oh, you get it.

I even brought these handy mood-charts

to check our success.

ZACK: Wait. Where did you get all those pictures of me?

And how did everyone manage to break something

all in one day?

(EVERYONE CHATTERING)

(SHOUTS) Maybe one at a time!

Um. Amanda's story is great.

Oh, Milo! Thank you.

I was skateboarding to Milo's this morning...

Yes, me. I skateboard.

But it gets's even stranger than that.

AMANDA: All of a sudden, flying mice fell from the sky

and landed on my head.

I didn't even know mice could fly

and neither did the internet.

I looked it up. (AMANDA SCREAMS)

AMANDA: Ow.

I broke my arm

but I got these two cuties.

(MICE SQUEAKING) Muffin and Bitey.

(DISMISSIVELY) Yeah, yeah. Vermin from the sky.

Can we tell our story now?

So, we were eating ice cream at Melty McScoopsalot...

You know, sometimes when I wriggle my fingers,

I realize how weird fingers are and it freaks me out.

Yeah, and sometimes I wonder if everything happens for a reason

or it's all just chaos... (METAL CRASHING)

Yeah, I'm thinking it's all just chaos.

And that's how we learned

that Fudgie-Nut and Bubblegum Burst ice cream go great together.

That's cool. And I mean that literally.

Whoa. Zack made a funny.

(EXCITEDLY) He is cheering up.

AMANDA: I think he's a number four.

Okay, it's my turn.

I was with Mildred

doing Hatha yoga.

(INDIAN SITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

(SPLOTCHES)

(GRUNTS IN PAIN)

(CAT YOWLS) (SCREAMING) Ow! Ow! Mildred, help!

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) Mildred! Help me, Mildred!

(MUSIC STOPS AND SLOWLY RISES PITCH)

(TREMBLING) Mildred?

(TREMBLING NERVOUSLY) Mildred? (MUSIC STOPS)

(SCREAMS) Aah!

It was very stressful

but I'm glad Mildred is okay.

Well, I'm glad it all worked out

for you and your... (STAMMERING) Friend.

Uh, yeah. Um... Sara... What happened to you?

Oh, yeah. You see, I volunteer

at the One-Eyed Chihuahua Rescue Shelter.

(SERENE MUSIC PLAYING) (DOGS WHIMPERING)

SARA: Here you go, Cyclops.

Ooh. Don't start eating Pirate's food

or I'll have to feed you and your plate with Winkey.

(CAT MEOWS ANGRILY) (HIGH TEMPO JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOGS BARKING AND CLAMORING)

(CAT MEOWS) (DOGS CONTINUE BARKING)

Oh, no!

(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) (NERVOUSLY) Uh... Doctor, are you sure about this?

I, I feel much more comfortable at my own home.

Now, Carl, for a man who suffers

from a fear of everything,

you can not expect to treat it by hiding in your home.

Just try to consider being out here

as your first baby steps to recovery.

See? Everything is fine. (DOGS BARKING)

(CAT MEOWS LOUDLY) (DOGS BARKING)

(CARL SCREAMS IN CONFUSION) I wanna go...

I wanna go home! (IN DISTANCE) I wanna go home!

(DOGS CONTINUE BARKING)

(CAT MEOWS LOUDLY) (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Whoa! Oops! (GRUNTS IN PAIN) (CRASHES)

(DOGS CONTINUE BARKING)

SARA: And the dogs just kept running.

It was very upsetting.

I'm still processing it.

Sorry you couldn't find the dogs.

We'll keep an eye out for them.

I mean... (STAMMERING) Not an eye out.

I didn't mean it like because he's a one-eyed dog, it's...

Melissa, what's your story?

I was honing my sparring skills in martial arts class...

(ORIENTAL FLUTE PLAYING SOFTLY)

(INTENSE DRUM BEATS PLAYING)

(SENSEI GROANS)

(CARL SHOUTING CONTINUOUSLY) I wanna go home! I wanna go home!

(CARL SCREAMING) Ooh! Why are you doing this to me?

Ow! You saved my life.

Thank you! (STUDENTS CHEERING)

STUDENTS: (CHEERING) Whoo-hoo! Bravo! Bravo!

Ow! Yeah, I think I broke my foot.

Ow! Okay, but thanks for the accolades. Ow!

And since I was already up there,

they carried me to the ER.

Wow, Melissa!

You sacrificed your foot for the greater good.

What happened to you guys?

We both broke our legs

because of Mort's lifelong dream of becoming a rodeo clown.

I found a rodeo clown class in the learning gazette.

MORT: We thought there would be

some sort of teacher but... (GATE BREAKING)

(GROWLS ANGRILY) (CHILDREN CLAMORING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNIFFS)

Bort, look out!

(HUMMING SOFTLY) (BULL BELLOWING ANGRILY)

BORT: I did some really cool interpretive clown dance moves

that I learned in class at the community center

that had an actual teacher.

I totally hooked that bull in! Ha, ha! Way to go dude!

(BULL BELLOWS ANGRILY)

(HILLBILLY BANJO MUSIC PLAYING)

(BOTH SCREAMING) Aah! (BULL BELLOWING)

(CRASHES)

In spite of the outcome, I felt really happy.

I mean, I lived my dream for, like, eight seconds!

I didn't know you took interpretive dance classes.

(CONDESCENDING) Interpretive clown dance classes.

Huh. Must be a different teacher.

It's great that you broke your leg living your dream.

That's how I broke my wrist today.

Cool. What happened?

Well, every once in a while, I like to ride dirt bikes

on extremely rough terrain.

EVERYONE: (SURPRISED) You do?

You don't know everything about me.

(EAGLE SCREECHES) BRIGETTE: So, I was shooting loops on Dragon's Back

and almost ate it on the first turn.

Luckily, I pulled it together before the triple.

The G-forces were intense! (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

I would've totally beat my time

if it weren't for the gnarly rock avalanche.

It's no biggie.

The bike's hand brake is on the right side.

That is rad, Mrs. M.

Sounds like it was totally worth it

because you were doing something you love.

Totally! Oh, look!

AMANDA: Zack is a nine!

(EVERYONE CHEERING)

Okay, okay. I admit it. I'm feeling a little nine-y.

Happy? Whose story is next?

Well, I guess mine.

Although, it's not as good a story as the rest.

We were hanging on the pinata for the party,

even though this isn't the kind of party that needed a pinata.

But, you know, we loved hanging pinatas.

So... (CHICKEN CLUCKS AND CRASHES IN DISTANCE)

MARTIN: Ow! MILO: Ow!

(DIOGEE YELPS)

See? I told you it wasn't a good story.

(SCOFFS) You were doing something you love when it happened.

You're right. We do love hanging Pinatas.

So, the moral of the story is...

Never do anything you love?

EVERYONE: No!

I know what the lesson is.

Terrible things can happen

even if you're just standing there.

So you might as well do something you love, right?

Dr. D's right, Zack.

Which is why you have to get back on the interpretive dance horse

and stop being afraid of your unitard.

Even if I risk breaking my other leg?

Yup! Because we can never let fear

keep us from doing what we love.

(DIOGEE BARKS EXCITEDLY)

Ack! Diogee! (LAUGHS HEARTILY)

And we have a ten!

CROWD: Whoo-hoo! (EVERYONE CHEERING)

(CONTINUES LAUGHING CRAZILY)

Oh, no! He's on to 12! That's dangerous!

Somebody stop him! Somebody do something!

(LAUGHING MANICALLY)

(PUNCHES HARD) Ow!

Oof. Thanks.

(EVERYONE CHEERING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (EVERYONE CHATTERING)

It's a great party, Milo.

I'm just glad that all of these accidents

weren't somehow related to me.

As far as we know.

As far as we know.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

(MAN HUMMING AND VOCALIZING)

(SQUEALING)

(SCREECHES)

(SCREAMING)

¶ Like the ripples From a pebble when

¶ It drops into a lake

(SCREECHES IN FRIGHT)

¶ You gotta get your Little fishnets just to

¶ See the circles That it makes

¶ If a butterfly Flaps its wings

(GRUNTS IN PAIN) (CAT YOWLS)

¶ It does't just Make you cheery

¶ It changed the weather Half-a-world away

¶ It's just a little Chaos theory

¶ I know it's hard To visualize

¶ It offers an abstraction

¶ But even just a little nudge sometimes

¶ Can start A big chain reaction

¶ Oh-Oh-Oh That's the way it goes

¶ When you tip a domino

¶ Oh-Oh-Oh That's the way it goes

¶ When you tip a domino

(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

¶ Oh-Oh-Oh That's the way it goes

¶ When you tip a domino

MARTIN: Ow! MILO: Ow!

(DIOGEE YELPS)

¶ When you tip a domino

Yup, great party.

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Whoa

¶ I'm not sitting here watching the world turn

¶ You know I'd rather spin it

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶