Original subtitles

¶¶

¶ Look at that sun Look at that sky

¶ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly

¶ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree

¶ It's about as beautiful as it can be

¶ Whoa

¶ Today is gonna be exceptional

¶ Never boring even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

¶ Whoa, whoa

¶ Never boring even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

¶ Doofenshmirtz' shed in the backyard ¶

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Ow.

And thanks for helping me, Vanessa. Ow.

You know I really... Ow. I learned something today.

Sometimes people on construction sites

really don't... Ow. They don't want your advice.

Almost got it, Dad.

Oh, thanks.

You know, Dad, I think you're spending too much time alone.

You're right. I need a friend. An adventure buddy.

Like this guy.

VANESSA: When adventure calls, don't let it go to voicemail.

Now where did I put Norm's head?

No dad not a robot.

Look, Perry sent you a card.

(DOOFENSHMIRTZ READING)

VANESSA: What about Perry? He was your adventure buddy, right?

Yeah, was. Past tense.

Ugh. Middle-aged drama.

Just call him, Dad.

No, no. He's gotta call me first.

He sent you a card! He reached out first!

No. He... He needs to call.

Like physically call. From, like a landline.

Whatever. You know he doesn't talk right?

In the meantime, maybe you'll find a new adventure buddy.

Gotta go. Later, Dad!

Oh, good morning Heinz. Vanessa.

Hi, Mrs. Murphy!

Milo's letter made Disaster Magazine this month

so I'm gonna go pick up copies for all the grandparents.

Would you keep an eye on Diogee while I'm gone?

You got it. I'll be completely aware of Diogee's location at all times.

100%.

That you can depend on...

Diogee!

Here, Diogee!

Wow, you look away for 10 to 20 minutes, and suddenly... Ugh.

Diogee!

Yeah and he hit the rail so hard that his...

Oh, hey. You wanna try little guy?

(DIOGEE BARKS)

Yeah! Yeah!

Better call the vet dog, 'cause that move was sick!

(PANTING) Diogee!

Can I borrow your skateboard?

Can you do an ollie kick flip like that?

I could, I just choose not to.

"...and I know from personal experience

"that your description of the sound a tornado makes

"smashing a piano into a pie factory was right on the money.

"Your fan, Milo Murphy."

Wow, Milo, you're a published author.

Thanks, Zack. (DIOGEE BARKING)

Diogee?

(DIOGEE BARKING)

Diogee!

Hang on, boy!

MILO: Diogee!

Hmm. You know, I don't think I've ever been down here.

Really? Feels like we're always down here.

SCOTT: Greetings, surface dwellers!

You're just in time for lunch!

Oh, hey, Scott.

May I interest you in some mystery meat?

(FLIES BUZZING)

I politely decline.

Not me. I decline with no politeness.

You have arrived on the eve of my farewell dinner.

Behold! My new adventure boat!

Wait a minute.

My adventure buddy.

Er, uh, Scott, do you happen to have room for another adventurer?

But of course. Here, we'll be hat twins.

Welcome aboard.

Oh, this is great.

We're gonna go live on the river like

Huck Finn and Tom Whats-his-face.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

But we must leave now.

For the Great Flood is coming.

Oh, a great flood.

How do you know? Was there like an ancient prophecy?

No. The water main's about to blow.

Uh, yeah we'll catch you later Dr. D.

Tell Vanessa I found my Adventure Buddy!

MILO: Okay, if we see her.

(DIOGEE WHIMPERS)

So... Tetanus shot?

(BANJO MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow, this is fun.

SCOTT: And you get to meet all sorts of interesting people.

Good day, virtuous school marm

and your book-learnin' young'uns.

But uh, that's just um...

Bully for you, strangely-attired circus bear.

(HONKS)

(CONTINUES HONKING)

That's not a bear. How long have you been down here?

No, it's a bear. Look.

Hmm, maybe if I squint...

(GASPS)

All I have to do is squint my eyes and then everything looks old-timey.

¶ All I gotta do is squint my eyes

¶ Squint my eyes Squint my eyes

¶ All I gotta do is squint my eyes

¶ And everything looks old-timey

¶ Whenever I feel nostalgic for a time I never knew

¶ I limit the light coming in my eyes

¶ And it's 1842

¶ Rollin' down the river at a leisurely pace

¶ Where we hang our hats is our home

¶ Like Huck Finn and Tom Whats-his-face

¶ We were to roam

¶ All I gotta do is squint my eyes

¶ Squint my eyes Squint my eyes

¶ All I gotta do is squint my eyes

¶ And everything looks old-timey

¶ All I gotta do is squint my eyes

¶ Squint my eyes Squint my eyes

¶ All I gotta do is squint my eyes

¶ And everything looks old-timey ¶

(BATS SCREECHING)

(SCOTT PLAYING HARMONICA)

Ah. Well, if this isn't the spirit of adventure.

Just two hat twins with no conflicts, rivalries or mind-games,

unlike a certain platypus I know,

who shall remain nameless...

But his name is Perry the Platypus.

Oh. (SING SONG) I think someone's waking up from her afternoon nap.

Mildred?

So, uh, why are you talking to a paper bag?

That's ridiculous. Who would talk to a bag?

What's that, Mildred?

Who's this fellow with the pointy nose?

Why, he's my new buddy!

Oh, don't worry, Mildred, you'll always be my favorite.

You uh, uh...

Oh, my goodness.

You know that's a milk carton, right?

You know you're my favorite. Right?

Don't you act sassy with me.

I guess he can't hear me 'cause he's talking to a milk carton.

But that's okay. I mean, I'm just sitting here talking to myself,

so I get it, that's cool.

No, you are.

That's cool as long as we can stay best adventure buddies, life is perfect.

I've never looked at another carton.

So, uh, when's my turn?

Hey, uh, adventure buddy.

I made a little something to share.

Um, hey, er, listen.

Er, I'm sorry, I forgot your name. But, anyway,

can't we have a dude's night out,

but just me and you, like we did before?

I'm so sorry. We're kind of in the middle of something right now.

So... Oh, yes, of course.

What was I thinking? Sorry, I...

We're still good, right? Right? Right?

Ah!

Hey, guys? Allow me to introduce Stephanie, my girlfriend.

We have so much in common, it's ridiculous.

I mean, seriously we're like, we're both skinny

and we have clumps of hair, and we both,

like buckets and, er...

Well, I guess that's about it. Skinny. Clumps of hair. And we both like buckets.

That's enough to build a relationship on, right?

You, you realize that's a mop, right?

And she's a milk carton!

Your girlfriend is a milk carton that someone has drawn a smilie face on.

I can only assume it was you.

Mildred says go sit in the dinghy!

Where does Mildred get off telling me what to do?

Doesn't she know who I'm not yet?

I'm Professor Time, that's who I'm not yet.

Miss Cardboard No Spill Spout.

(CRASHING) What...

(SCREAMING)

Whoa! Whoa!

(SCREAMING)

Mildred!

No!

No! Mildred!

Uh-oh.

(GASPS) Mildred!

Mildred, where are you?

Mildred! You're safe!

You've been saved!

Yeah. You're welcome.

Mildred says she wants you to stay.

Well, that's nice of you, Mildred, and I'd like to,

'cause you know, this was fun.

But uh, the truth is,

I've been feeling a little bit like a third wheel.

But you're not a third wheel.

I'm not? No.

You're like some other vehicle altogether.

It's like we're a bicycle over here,

and then somewhere over there, you're a unicycle

just going 'round in circles.

And juggling, in a frantic grab for attention.

But we don't even notice you, unless you drop something.

And then it's just an annoyance.

What I mean to say is...

We want you to stay.

Well, as much as I love meandering speeches,

the truth is, it's time for me to go.

Tell Stephanie it never would have worked out between us.

I'm a rolling stone.

I gather no mops!

Oh, well. You can always stay here, Stephanie.

What?

Oh, who needs adventure?

That's just asking for drama.

What I need is a place where people accept me for who I am.

You know a place where they don't mind if I spread out and do my experiments.

And then, you know maybe a place where there's a strong parental presence,

and maybe some children to lighten the mood.

And a young boy who shares my penchant for disaster.

But, ugh.

But where on Earth would I find such a place?

Ah!

I'm home.

Hey look, I found the dog.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHRISTMAS THEME INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

It's so great of the school to put on this winter break awards show

just to honor students.

It's like something that would only happen on a TV show.

You know, late in the season when the writers are tired.

I am not nominated for anything this year.

But it is an honor just to hang out with the people who are nominated.

The real honor is you

getting to see the interpretive dance

Lydia and I are gonna be doing.

Wait. Where's Lydia?

I'm nominated for "Most Tolerant Friend."

Is that a joke?

Don't push me, lady.

Aren't you nominated for something too, Milo?

Yeah, but I don't know for what.

A turkey vulture swooped in and stole the invite

before I could read the category.

Hi, honey. We want to get a picture of the big star.

Are you on the list?

Seriously?

Are you on the list?

We just wanted to take a pic...

This area is for students and faculty only.

You can take pictures in the Mom and Pop-arrazzi Zone.

Can't we just... Hey. I don't make the rules man.

Who makes the rules?

Okay, I make the rules.

I will save you seats down front so you can take lots of pictures.

Thanks, Amanda.

See you guys after the show.

I've got my eye on you, Murphy.

Diogee, go home.

You're not supposed to be at the awards show.

¶ It's a sad dog's life ¶

CAPTAIN: All right officers, the night shift is beginning.

As you know,

our canine officer, Officer Rex, was dognapped a few weeks ago

by this individual:

Zippy, the world's fastest Koala.

¶ Zippy the world's fastest Koala ¶

We received another letter this morning.

He's now demanding a ransom of 478 pounds

of eucalyptus leaves for the return of Rex.

But we're gonna stand by police policy.

We will not negotiate with marsupials.

If you come upon him, consider him armed,

in that he has two arms, and dangerous.

Fuller, Hastings, would you like to say a few words about your partner?

If any of you spot the perp,

please make sure Rex gets back unharmed.

He's so much more than our K-9.

He's a K-10.

Maybe even a K-11.

Heck, I'd even go up to K-15.

That's how much he means to us.

Now, everyone get out there

and bring me that ridiculously fast dog-jacking marsupial.

And please, let's be careful out there.

(HISSING)

(CAT SCREECHING)

(DIOGEE BARKING)

ELLIOT: Everyone, step lively.

No horseplay, dilly-dallying, tom-foolery, antics, buffoonery, or pranks.

You sure you've got all that covered Elliot?

Wait. And no hijinks!

I knew there was one more.

Whoops! Don't want any broken glass in the auditorium.

Um, guys?

Well, this is an unexpected obstacle to my goal.

But a catalyst to adventure...

Who am I talking to?

(BARKS) (BOTH GASP)

It's a dog!

Dispatch didn't tell us we got a new K-9.

Does he have an I.D.?

Doesn't have a collar.

Well, I guess we'll call you Rex Two.

Welcome aboard, Officer.

POLICE DISPATCH: Attention all units,

Zippy the Koala has been spotted on a stolen motorcycle in the Garment District.

Approach with caution.

Remember he is the world's fastest Koala.

¶ He's the fastest Koala in the world ¶

If we find him, we find Rex.

Let's make some noise!

(HOWLING) (SIREN BLARING)

Actually I was talking about the siren,

but I like your enthusiasm, Rex Two.

PRINCIPAL MILDER: Our next award is for greenest thumb!

I hope I don't miss my category.

And the winner for greenest thumb is,

Chad Van Coff.

Come on up, Chad.

Woo-hoo!

Really, people?

I'm literally part plant here.

(COWBOY MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCI-FI THEMED MUSIC PLAYING)

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

All right. Keep your eyes peeled.

Yeah, that's the problem.

This koala is so fast,

he's always one step ahead of us.

We can never... (BIKE ENGINE REVVING)

¶ Zippy

¶ The world's fastest koala

¶ He's the fastest koala in the world

¶ He's always floating around ¶

Okay, now he's just taunting us.

After them!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIREN BLARING)

Darn it! We lost him!

Well we didn't lose them. We know where they went.

Our car just couldn't fit in the pipe.

Do you always have to be so literal?

Congratulations to Wendy Hillman for winning Best Teacher's Pet!

Hey, Zack.

Ah! I'm here. I made it.

Lydia? Are you okay? You look terrible!

Oh, uh, just a little food poisoning.

But it's not gonna stop me from performing tonight.

But you can barely stand.

We didn't train for three weeks on this routine

so I can let down the audience and you tonight.

I'm not going to let a little fever,

chills, dizziness,

temporary blindness,

uncontrollable body spasms,

forgetfulness, mood swings,

and forgetfulness

stop us from getting out there.

Where are we?

Wow. I had a splinter and I almost stayed home.

Okay. You guys are going on right after this next category.

Okay. I'm ready.

Let's do this.

PRINCIPAL MILDER: The nominees are...

Oh, no, Lydia!

Lydia! Stay away from the light!

...Dave Wong and Milo Murphy!

And the winner is...

Milo Murphy!

Yay, Milo! Booyah!

Booyah!

Milo?

PRINCIPAL MILDER: Hello? I'm coming! I'm coming!

I'm coming...

Hold that award, I'll be right there.

I can hear him, but I can't see him.

Ha, kids today!

I'm vamping.

(SOFTLY) Murphy's Law got Milo.

He's fallen into the basement.

Stall for time!

(SOFTLY) Are you kidding me?

We have a basement?

Uh, so, uh,

while we're waiting for Milo,

uh, anyone here like comedy?

Great! Me too.

So, so there's this horse, right?

I hope Milo's okay.

Milder's dying out there.

You guys need to get out there early and distract the audience.

Zack, this award show needs us.

Lydia can you honestly say you could go out there like this?

Mind over matter, Zack.

Mind over...

I smell french toast.

And the horse said,

"Why the long face?"

Oh, wait, wait, it's the podiatrist.

Imagine the podiatrist said...

MILO: I'll be up there in one sec.

And the winner is Milo Murphy!

(GRUNTS)

Nope I was wrong. Gonna be longer than a sec.

Oh, no! Here! Here!

Just get out there.

Wait, why do I need to wear this helmet?

Well, you all heard that,

he's almost here, so, uh...

(LAUGHS) What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

Thank you! Thank you! I got a million of 'em!

So, these three horses walk into an Italian restaurant...

That's my boy. Slinking off the stage in shame.

Where are you, Milo?

(CREAKS)

There's more than one way to climb a staircase.

And the horse looked at the elephant and said,

"Why the long nose?"

(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)

Well, I thought I had a million of 'em, but I guess I only have two.

Well... (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

We'll give Milo his award tomorrow.

Thanks for a great night, ladies and germs.

Please drive safely.

That went pretty well.

LYDIA: We're here.

We're gonna perform.

We're coming. I'm fine, I'm fine. Lydia. Lydia. No.

I'm totally fine. I'm ready. The nice men from the hospital are here.

The nice men... No Santa. I can do it Santa.

Leave me alone.

I know how to dance fight.

(MIMICS KARATE SOUNDS)

Okay.

That was the best WiBa's yet! Sure was.

I was kinda hoping to see Milo

actually get to the stage this year though.

I will pick up his award and look for him back stage.

Okay, we'll look for him outside.

I can't believe we lost 'em.

Donut? Seriously?

Cops eating donuts?

Don't be such a cliche!

FULLER: So now you speak French?

(BARKING)

What is it, Rex Two? What do you see?

Wait, isn't that the stolen motorcycle the koala was driving?

(METAL WHIRRING)

(SQUEAKING)

Paws up, ya dog stealing freak of nature!

Great work, Officer Rex Two!

You found Officer Rex One!

(GROANS)

We couldn't have done any of this without you, Rex Two.

You're one of the smartest, most talented K-infinity officers

we've had the honor to work with.

But the thing is,

Rex One is our partner

and we only just met you.

We know how much it must hurt being let go like this and all,

but...

Hey! Where's he going?

You bored him to death.

(WHINES)

I'm sorry. That was harsh. Come on. Bring it in.

(ENGINE STARTS) ¶ Zippy ¶

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIREN BLARING)

That koala just stole our car, didn't he?

He is the world's fastest koala.

(SCREAMS)

Amanda?

There's an elevator right over there.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

I picked up your award.

You did? That was so nice.

Um, what was the award for?

And the winner for Greatest Perseverance is...

Milo Murphy!

(ALL CHEERING)

Yay, Milo!

Booyah.

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Whoa

¶ I'm not sitting here watching the world turn

¶ You know I'd rather spin it

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶