Original subtitles

¶¶

¶ Look at that sun Look at that sky

¶ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly

¶ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree

¶ It's about as beautiful as it can be

¶ Whoa

¶ Today is gonna be exceptional

¶ Never boring even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

¶ Whoa, whoa

¶ Never boring even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

GRANDPA: Feast your eyes, Toby!

This robotic pot of goulash

was the hero of the Great Screech Owl War of Millennia II.

A war that was a turning point for the entire human race.

You see, thousands of owl-shaped drones

were accidentally programmed to destroy humans.

(OWLS SCREECHING)

For 200 years,

the owls battled mankind for dominion over planet Earth.

But at its darkest hour,

humanity was miraculously saved.

Out of nowhere, the legendary figure appeared.

And it was this sentient crockpot of goulash

that single-handedly defeated the robotic avian aggressors,

and was the salvation of all mankind.

So always remember, Grandson,

none of us would be here, were it not for...

That brave bowl of goulash!

(SOBBING)

(LAUGHING)

What? Hey.

No, I'm... I'm serious!

Oh, come on, Grandpa!

So some Hungarian meat dish

just walks out from behind a hill...

It was goulash!

And blows up some toy owls? Those were screech owls

and he was... Hey, look!

I got a slow cooker for a head and I...

Yeah, go ahead and make fun of your grandfather.

What did he do? Just before he took off,

did he say, "paprika!"

You don't believe me? Ah, come on, Grandpa,

how is any part of that story possible?

Well, lad, it all started innocently enough...

In a small town called Danville

in an age when humans and machines had a friendly relationship.

ZACK: That goulash smells delish, Mrs. Murphy.

Thanks, Zack.

It's for the World's Greatest Goulash contest.

That's a thing? Oh, it is.

I'm actually surprised you get any cooking done

with all the Murphy's Law around here.

Well, Milo helped out a lot.

By taking Diogee for a walk.

MILO: Mom! Are you done?

Can I come in now?

All clear, Milo. Come on in!

Mmm. Smells great, Mom.

From the aroma alone, I bet you'll win First Prize!

(BARKS)

(SHATTERING)

(PANTING)

(BELL DINGING)

Guess I didn't take a long enough walk.

Not to worry, Milo, I made extra just in case,

so I have a spare.

(SNAPPING)

Okay, I guess that ceiling microwave was a bad idea

but I've got another spare right over... (CRASHING)

Okay, I have this one hidden in the...

(CRASHING)

Don't worry, I've got another! (CRASHING)

Don't worry, I've got another!

Well, this one is my actual last spare.

I'm going to let it simmer over here where it should be safe.

Oh, right.

Let's go outside and see what Dr. D is up to.

Now you've got a fighting chance.

¶ Houston we've got a situation

¶ Better stay by the phone ¶

Hey Dr. D! What'cha you up to?

Oh, just going through some of my old inventions

that have survived the, the old building collapse.

I'm hoping that this body will work with Norm's head.

Who are these people?

Oh, sorry, Norm. This is a whole new series...

Of events that have transpired. Long story.

NORM: There I go losing my head again.

(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

Rejected.

I ain't got no body.

I joke to hide my pain.

Hey Dr. D, what's all this stuff?

Oh, just a box of old handheld inators.

Cool. What's this gizmo?

Well, Milo's friend,

this one's a Hand-to-Foot-Inator.

It changes a hand into a foot.

I used it to get revenge on my stuck-up cousin Wolfgang

who was a, a hand-model...

And now he's a foot-model. Very successful.

So, you know that didn't work.

Ah, see what else we got here.

Dust-Devill-Inator, the...

Oh, and this one's a Chicken-Replace-Inator.

You shoot something, it switches places with the nearest chicken.

(CLUCKING)

(CLUCKING) In case you were wondering,

the goulash is now a chicken.

(CLUCKING)

You turned the goulash into a chicken?

No I didn't turn the goulash into a chicken.

It's not magic.

It just switched places with the nearest chicken.

Science! MILO: Um, quick question?

When we catch it, do you know how to turn it back?

Again, I did not turn it into anything.

It's a simple chicken-matter transfer.

Find the nearest chicken coop,

you'll find your goulash.

Now, how do we turn that back into goulash?

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Is nobody listening?

Hey, Milo, I found this in my chicken coop.

The goulash!

Um, and you haven't seen a chicken, have ya?

See! See! Now that guy gets it!

Uh, you mean this one?

(CLUCKS) Lemon! Come to Papa!

Mwah!

Thanks, Milo's friend!

(CLUCKS)

Did that man just kiss his chicken?

Oh, I get it. Lemon chicken. I get it.

Hey, where's Zack?

Driven by a perverse curiosity,

Zack went back to the box of mystery and picked out...

The Hand-to-Foot-Inator!

Meanwhile, from his perch,

the lonely robot head watched with trepidation.

Dude, don't narrate over my narration.

I'm gonna put this back in the kitchen

far away from Murphy's Law and Doof's inators.

ZACK: Hey, Dr. D.

Does this thing have a reverse switch on it or something?

BOTH: Zack!

Look's like Wolfgang is gonna have a little competition

in the foot modeling business.

Can you fix it, Dr. D?

Yeah, no sweat.

I can rewire the output back through the input

but I'll need a transformer, some soldering wire,

and a whole lotta gauze.

I'll be right back.

I'll also need some apple juice.

Oh, this is an interesting footnote

to our chicken goulash adventure.

Toe-tally.

Oh, ha-ha-ha. It wasn't my fault.

See, all I did was push this little...

Okay, quick survey.

Everyone who got zapped by the ray, uh, raise your... Feet.

Yeah, I was afraid of that.

(BARKS)

I can probably strip some of the parts I need

out of these other inators and I...

Oh, hey, you all have feet hands! Cool!

(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

Ah, that's my, uh... My Dust-Devil-Inator,

apparently functioning properly.

Oh, no! The goulash!

ALL: Whoa!

(VOCALIZING)

¶ We're caught up in a spin Got to keep the goulash in

¶ This pot so we could win the Greatest Goulash contest

¶ We got feet for hands so it complicates our plans

¶ And it doesn't quite make sense

¶ When you take it out of context

¶ Goulash

¶ Goulash

¶ It's up to me and you

¶ Goulash

(CLUCKING)

¶ Goulash

¶ We got to say that's goulash

¶ Goulash

I got it!

¶ Goulash ¶

Hey! My hands are back!

Mine too! Nice work Dr. D!

All in a day's work for Dr. D!

(CRASHING)

And look, what we have here is contest-ready goulash.

¶ Seen him before you're gonna see him soon

¶ He's recurring raccoon ¶

(DIOGEE BARKING)

(DIOGEE BARKING)

(RAYS ZAPPING)

(RAYS ZAPPING)

So Milo, uh, have you seen my goulash?

Yeah, it's in the shed being shot by all of Dr. D's inators.

Huh.

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Uh. I have absolutely no idea how this is going to turn out.

(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

GOULASH: What is this place? Where am I?

Who are you?

Wait a minute.

A Hungarian meat dish?

Give me a second.

What is our mission?

Paprika?

What is paprika?

Goulash? Now we're talking.

I taste good, therefore I am.

Aw, some guys get all the bodies.

(THUMPING)

Fear not friends.

For I am the greatest sentient robot according to kids 6 to 11 in this time slot

and I must go forth and save the world!

Paprika!

Was that my goulash? I'm afraid so.

Sorry, Mom. Are you kidding?

My goulash is a flying sentient robot.

In your face, Margaret Bellasazi!

MARGARET BELLASAZI: Oh, whatever, Brigette.

She always wins the contest.

Citizens of Danville.

We are here to dedicate this time capsule

which will only be opened eons from now

in the event of a war with robotic screech owls.

I don't know why that's a stipulation, but uh, it is.

And to help us celebrate,

here to perform their oddly specific, new hit single, "Goulash".

Love-Handel!

(CROWD CHEERING)

¶ Round and round

¶ It's soup from Hungary that's as hearty as can be

¶ Though it's windy you can see

¶ That we're not allowed to spill it

¶ That's a delicious recipe it's a hyperbole

¶ To say it's got a destiny

¶ And it really should fulfill it! ¶

Say. Is that Love-Handel?

(GRUNTING)

GOULASH: Oh, no! My one weakness is sky banners!

(CRASHING)

GRANDPA: And luckily, that time capsule was unsealed

just when we needed him.

Oh, come on!

I don't buy it, Grandpa.

There's no way that happened! Heh, no way!

Hey kid, don't sass your elders.

Paprika!

Looks like I owe you an apology.

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

Wow, crab fishing is a lot harder than they make it look on TV.

(BELL DINGING) Now, listen! You kids will be fine.

And you'll be getting your school extra credit.

I got the forms right here!

That's all right!

I have a spare copy right here!

Never mind about that!

I downloaded the forms to my cellphone...

Look, I promise when we get back to port,

I'll phone the school myself!

(BELL DINGING)

Yeah, I don't think we're getting that extra credit.

(BARKING)

Diogee! Go home!

You're not supposed to be on a crab boat.

(WHIMPERING)

(PULLEYS SQUEAKING)

(HORN TOOTING)

(SNIFFS)

¶ I wanna puppy and a kitten too

¶ I wanna bunny and a kangaroo

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

Aw, thank you, Mazie, honey,

for that amazing rendition of something or other.

Go find Mommy.

Anywho, for those of you just joining us, welcome to

the Museum of Sharp Objects'

First Annual Toddler Talent Show.

Thank you!

We'd had, uh, some difficulty,

uh, attracting families with toddlers

to our museum for some reason,

so we came up with this contest.

Well, maybe it all goes back to when my brother said,

buy real estate, and I said no.

I said "small, family-operated museums are where the money is."

And now my brother owns a plane, 10 casinos,

and an island off Italy. But no museum! Heh.

Who's laughing now, Jeffery?

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

Ahem. Our next talented toddler is Chloe, my other daughter,

who will juggle teddy bears!

(SOBBING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Ugh! Look at this mess.

Sara, is that your sweater on the chair?

There are clothes everywhere!

They aren't all mine.

And most of them are lab coats that are dirty.

Except for this one. It's burnt.

Hey, I can take a hint.

That was a hint, right? It sounded hinty.

If by "hint" you meant was I referring to you

being the dirty clothes culprit, then yes.

Mom! Sara's being mean to me!

I'm not your mom.

And Sara, stop being mean to your brother.

He's not my... Whatever. I'm going out.

Everyone please pick up their clothes by the time I get back! Thank you!

All right, I suppose I should... Yes!

Wait! Why should I pick up clothes

when I could invent something that will come and pick up everything for us.

Be right back. Why does he live here again?

(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

(BEEPING)

Agent P, sorry about your disguise.

I know that particular shade of pink

isn't really your color.

I would have gone with salmon. Turquoise is Spring.

He's a summer, Carl.

I'm not going to have the season color chart argument with you again!

This is enemy agent Igor.

He will be handing over a jump drive

to this man, Vlad.

Igor will be disguised as a child

and the jump drive will be disguised as a cookie.

Vlad will be disguised as a stage mom.

I know that seems like a lot of theater, but, life is a stage.

You must intercept the drive and convey it across town

to your liaison at Harry Hamster's Restaurant and Playground...

CARL: Ooh, I always loved Harry Hamster's!

You're not going, Carl. Oh...

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SOBBING)

Blue Ducky stole my cookie!

Creep.

(GUITAR MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

(BARKS)

(GRUNTS)

Ta-da! This is my Robotic-Hamper-Helper-Inator.

I, I'm, I'm still working on the name.

Anyway, it should pick up all the clothes

and take them to the laundry room for us!

Okay, but did you have to dump all your clean clothes

down here too?

I just wanted to give it a challenge.

(BEEPING)

And it has a tongue? Wow.

(BURPS)

Oh, my bad. I had it on "Belch."

This, this should get it working. Here you go.

(SLURPS AND BELCHES)

Hey! Rude!

No, bad. Bad Hamper-Helper-Inator thing.

Hey, I was reading those!

(CONTINUES BURPING)

Ow! All right, hold still...

I got you now. Settle down.

I just gotta reprogram you and...

(GRUNTS)

(MUFFLED) You just, I'm just gonna turn...

(LOUD BELCHING)

(BEEPING)

There! Now off to the laundry room!

(BEEPING)

Oh, you, you know what,

it's probably going to the laundry room in my old apartment.

Which is just a big sinkhole now.

Come back, clothes!

All right, but it seems like a lot of effort.

Come back, doggy! I'm not going to hurt you.

I just want to pet you...

Using this spear.

(GRUNTS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, hamper! Stop. Come on.

Do something, Dr. D!

Okay! Um, I guess if I had another two hours

I could build a Hamper-Chase-Inator that would...

That's not helping!

(IN RUSSIAN ACCENT) Who is small teal man in fedora with dog?

Who cares? Just get dog!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(TRUMPETING)

MAN: And then my truck starts sliding on this spilled molasses,

next thing you know, I look down the street

I see his elephant truck coming right at me.

And we collided.

What are the odds of two trucks carrying circus elephants

crashing into each other? Yeah. What are the odds?

I smell a Murphy.

Murphy! (GASPS) I just wanted a latte!

(SOBBING) I'm sorry!

(TRUMPETING)

IGOR: Strange teal man is getting away.

VLAD: (IN RUSSIAN ACCENT) Elephants! Why is it always elephants?

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

He went around this corner.

Huh?

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

Argh!

(GROANING)

Good dog, Diogee!

And whoever you are.

Oh, that's Perry the Platypus.

Good Platypus, Perry the Platypus.

Wait a minute. No, no, I'm still mad at you!

I take that back!

Hurry!

On second thought, this is your fault

and you don't deserve that high-five.

Give it back!

Oh, that's harsh, bro.

(MOTOR WHIRRING)

Mine! Mine!

Mine!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

IGOR: Wait. What are you...

Babushka.

(DIGITAL BEEPING)

Let's see...

Ow! Sorry, I hit the self-destruct button with my nose.

Your hamper has a self-destruct?

Yours doesn't? Oh, no!

What have you two done?

(CHUCKLING) Uh, she did it?

(GROWLS)

I'll show myself out.

¶ We're Harry Hamster's domesticated rodent band

¶ You'll either like our music or you'll hate it

¶ But you can search from east to west across this land

¶ And you'll never find a rodent band that's so domesticated

¶ I'm Harry the hamster This is Guinea Pig Greg

¶ He can only plays the drums 'cause he's not verbal GREG: I can't talk.

¶ Then there's Chester Chinchilla He can harmonize

¶ And the familiar face on the bass of Jerry the gerbil

¶ Jerry the gerbil Jerry the gerbil

¶ We're Harry Hamster's domesticated rodent band

¶ And you'll never find a rodent band that's so domesticated ¶

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

This was my favorite ride as a kid.

You must be Agent P. Where's the package?

(CHATTERING)

The dog ate it? How in the world do we get it back...

Oh, right. Of course.

I'm just gonna let you handle it.

(BARKS)

So, why were we on a crab boat?

Good news kids! I got your forms back!

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Whoa

¶ Whoa

¶ I'm not sitting here watching the world turn

¶ You know I'd rather spin it

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶