Original subtitles

¶¶

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

¶ Look at that sun Look at that sky

¶ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly

¶ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree

¶ It's about as beautiful as it can be

¶ Whoa

¶ Today is gonna be exceptional

¶ Never boring even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

¶ Whoa, whoa

¶ Never boring even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

So, it's been weeks now.

When are we going to do something about Doofenshmirtz?

We are doing something.

We're waiting for him to become Professor Time.

He's way overstayed his welcome!

I don't know. I kind of like him living here.

Well, he's driving me insane.

He never leaves the house

and he's constantly getting into my business.

But, Neal, that's why Time Ape has a clock for a head.

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: (ON PHONE) Yeah, duh.

Doofenshmirtz? How are you listening in on this call?

This is a cell phone.

You're... You're kidding right?

(SCREAMS)

I have to make a Time Ape costume

by the end of the week for drama class

and I'm way behind

because he's always interrupting.

Hey, you notice how I let her finish

before I sprung up there?

So I don't always interrupt her, that's...

Hey what you got there, Doof?

It's a Reconstitut-inator.

I bought a bunch of raisins, I wanted grapes,

but I can't seem to get it to work.

Hey, those are some pretty nice Dr. Zone pajamas there.

I have limited-edition curtains just like those.

Pretty sure you mean "had."

(SARA SCREAMS)

Wow, she sounds upset.

Here, have a muffin.

Kids like muffins.

So Dr. D, have you got any big plans for the day?

Ah, just the usual eight hours

or so of sitting on the couch

staring out the window. It's a busy day.

You might want to open the blinds this time.

Oh, I just thought it was really beige out there!

Maybe you should go outside

and get some fresh air today.

Oh, I can't do that.

Sure you can. You totally can!

Nope. I'm waiting for Destiny.

I don't want to be out when it knocks.

Destiny knocks?

Oh, wait, tha... Maybe that's opportunity.

Opportunity knocks, Destiny does something else.

It calls, or texts, or it rings the doorbell,

I don't know.

Either way, I've decided to be pro-active

in the least active way possible

until I become Professor Time.

But you can't just sit and wait to do great things.

You gotta get out there and practice!

Ehh, that sounds like, like effort.

I could take you on our bi-weekly field trip

to the science museum.

Afterwards, I could drop you by the animal sanctuary.

They're always looking for volunteers.

Yeah, and then I can take you to the power plant with me.

Nothing like a safety inspection

to get the blood pumping. What do you think, Doof?

Well, okay, but if Destiny comes by,

you tell 'em where I am, all right?

¶ He's leaving He's leaving ¶

Oh.

¶ I'm sorry That's rude ¶

GUIDE: Welcome to the human digestive system.

Just like the small intestine absorbs nutrients,

your young minds will absorb

the knowledge being imparted to you

in this slow and deliberate tone. (CRACKLES)

Follow me to intestinal adventure. You know, I think

I'm just gonna go buy some grapes.

This Reconstitut-inator,

is just too much work.

(DINOSAUR GROWLS)

This is the entrance to the alimentary canal.

Man, this guy really makes biology...

What's the opposite of come alive?

Go, go dead?

Basically, he kills biology.

This looks like my old alimentary school.

No puns.

Totally worth it.

Up here it begins

to narrow into the esophagus,

Nature's trash can.

Uh-oh.

What's wrong?

I'm starting to feel weird and claustro-avoidant.

Oh, lucky for you, I've got an app for that.

Here you go. WOMAN: (ON PHONE) Relax, take a long deep breath,

(INHALES DEEPLY)

and hold it until I tell you to let it out...

(MUFFLED GROANING)

(THUDS) Oops, sorry!

I must've hit the pause button.

WOMAN: (ON PHONE) Slowly release your breath...

(GASPS)

I gotta get out of here!

(PANTING HEAVILY) Where's the exit?

Where is the exit to the human digestive system?

Seriously? (WHIMPERING)

Wait, I know how to get out of here quickly.

All right, somebody grab some corpuscles

and I'm gonna pry that liver off the wall.

¶ We got four corpuscles

¶ A heart and a spleen

¶ We can use a little plasma For some gasoline

¶ The liver's gonna keep the engine clean

¶ Don't need to operate

¶ To operate the speed machine

¶ Can't stop just to ask for directions

¶ We gotta get out of the lower intestines

¶ Gotta drive

¶ We gotta drive

¶ We gotta drive

¶ Drive, drive

¶ Drive, we gotta drive

¶ We gotta drive ¶ (CRASHES)

(CHEERING)

GUIDE: All right.

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo?

Who's responsible for this?

Yeah, I'll, uh...

I'll see myself out.

Do you guys validate?

I'm sorry. I ruined everything.

Maybe I should go back

to my sitting on the couch

and staring out the window plan.

You can't! You're better than the couch!

BRIGETTE: Hey Dr. D!

Are you ready to go?

All right, I'm off to the Nature Center.

Hey, Mom, can we swing by the store?

Gotta pick up some grapes.

BRIGETTE: I'm not your mother.

SALLY: A few rules for the newbie volunteers.

Do not touch the animals.

They are majestic beings with souls.

Sweet. Will there be otters?

'Cause I brought little clams with little rocks

so that they can open them 'cause I...

I can't get them open.

The only animals at this facility are raccoons.

You got a problem with raccoons?

They bring back bad memories.

Oh. It's a bear.

Huh. Well, maybe it's bears that I'm afraid...

(RACCOON SHRIEKING) (DOOFENSHMIRTZ SCREAMING)

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Ow! Ow! Ow, my spleen!

To help the raccoons adjust to the wild,

I have recreated their natural habitat.

(SCREAMS) He's using his hands like people!

None of you find that even a little bit creepy?

Look. All we do is prepare nature's little vandals

for re-release into the wild.

Well, why didn't you say so?

I can release them into the wild.

Run free, trash rats!

That's it! Get out of here! There ya go!

No! Deborah Sue, come back to me!

Shh!

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

What have you done?

I released them into the wild. What?

We gotta get 'em back inside!

In, out? Make a decision.

Inside!

Ooh, I can help with that!

Drusselstein herding whistle.

(RUMBLING)

(OINKING, SNORTING)

They're mostly used for pigs.

Uh-oh. Pig stampede!

Run from the pigs!

That looks wonderful, honey! Thanks!

Well, you don't have to worry about Doofenshmirtz

bothering you because he's down at the... (CELL PHONE RINGS)

Hello? DOOFENSHMIRTZ: (ON PHONE) I'm being chased by pigs!

Help me! Doof, where are you?

I'm in the foyer!

Now I'm in the living room.

(PIGS SQUEALING)

Now I'm going out the back door.

My costume!

MARTIN: Being a safety inspector

comes with a lot of responsibility.

One small mistake could create an enormous disaster.

With your science background,

a job at a place like this could be exciting

and exercise that flabby greatness muscle. (MACHINE TRILLING)

Sounds good, Dad.

Can I call you dad? No.

What's this button do?

This button here floods the generator

with coolant in emergencies.

(LOUDLY) It costs millions to repair, so don't push it!

You want me to push it?

No, don't push it!

Okay, I'll push it.

No!

Don't worry. That's the decoy button

in case anyone's dumb enough to push it.

The real one

is next to the soda-machine over there.

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: No!

Oh. Heh. Well, why,

thank you.

Thank you, I'm... (ALARM BLARING)

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Sorry, Dad. MARTIN: I'm not your dad.

Hey Dr. D. What are you watching?

I don't know it's just this sad man,

sitting on a couch, in the dark, it's, uh...

It's just terrible.

You know the T.V. is not on, right?

(GROANS)

Uh, listen.

I know you've been feeling really bad about...

You know...

Driving you crazy and messing things up for everyone

while failing to become great?

Um, yeah.

I mean, it was nice to get my costume finished,

but after a while

I, kind of, missed your annoying presence.

Aw. That's the sweetest mean thing

anyone's said to me. (DOOR BELL RINGS)

Hello, Mr. Doofenshmirtz.

I'm Destiny Summers from Channel 4 News.

Huh! Destiny does ring the doorbell.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz, there's some people here

who'd like to see you.

(SCREAMS) (GASPS)

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: If I can't see you, you can't see me.

Dr. D, I think you have it all wrong.

Listen to this.

GUIDE: Our Digestive Tract Exhibit

used to be the least popular in the museum,

but then Dr. Doofenshmirtz made it into an exciting ride

by turning the liver into a go-cart.

Now people are lined up around the block.

Thank you, Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

Wow, thanks.

(WHISPERS) But I've never gotten a compliment that's that boring.

Since a video of the incident you caused went viral,

we have received thousands of donations.

Me and Deborah Sue really want to thank you.

Aw, think nothing of it... (SCREAMS) (RACCOON SHRIEKING)

SALLY: Deborah Sue let go of him.

She must smell your raccoon.

Yeah that's... That's probably it.

The doctor visited the plant and caused

the generator to be flooded.

Turns out the generator was actually overheating

and the warning system had failed.

You averted a possible explosion

that I could have been blamed for.

We'd like to present you with the Danville Hero of the Day Trophy.

(CHEERING)

Oh, wow.

I am overwhelmed.

I'm well, maybe not overwhelmed.

Maybe I'm just the right amount of whelmed.

I guess, I really should thank

the Murphy family, Milo, and Mom and Dad.

BOTH: Not your parents.

But mostly, I'd like to thank Sara.

If she had not had such a low threshold

for my eccentricities,

I'd still be wearing her curtains

and sitting on their couch.

It reminds me of a story... (MUSIC FLOODS)

Eh, wait, what? What, really?

You're playing me off?

All right, okay. Looks like I'm all out of time.

Thank you, Danville. I love you.

Group hug, Murphys.

(BUSHES RUSTLE)

(GROWLS)

Oh, thank goodness.

When I heard those bushes rustling,

I thought it was a raccoon.

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

BRIGETTE: Honey, terrible news.

Skate Ashbury is closing for good this weekend.

Well, I guess we can cross that off our dream board.

What's the End of Night '70s Style Roller

Disco Dance Competition?

Our dream. Our dead dream.

I didn't know you guys liked skating.

Well, not just skating.

We like competitive

'70s-style roller disco dancing.

That's a thing? Gather round, kids.

We need to tell you a story.

Story time! We haven't had that in a while.

SARA: Aw, I miss story time!

Story time! I'll need graham crackers and milk, and a blankie!

Shh!

A long time ago... The '90s...

...in a place far, far away... Skate Ashbury.

There was a young couple, full of the joy

of '70s-style roller disco dancing...

Ooh! Who were they, what were their names?

It was us, Doof.

You and me? I have no recollection of that.

No not you and... Agh. I'm just gonna keep going.

More than anything, we wanted

to win the end-of-night skate.

MARTIN: But Murphy's Law

always tripped us up, literally.

Ouch. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

BRIGETTE: So we simplified our routine,

and simplified. And, finally, we managed

to get through it without disaster.

MARTIN: We felt confident... BRIGETTE: Till we saw who we were up against

MARTIN: Pete and Tina.

The best '70s style roller disco dancers

in all of Danville.

How many roller disco dancers were there in Danville?

Seven, but you're interrupting the narrative. Anyway...

We skated onto the rink, crashed into each other,

then crawled off in shame.

Oh. You should go back.

Nope. No way. It's no use.

Even after four years

of '70s-style-roller-disco- dancing-couples therapy...

So, how does this make you feel?

Milo. Murphy's Law plus skates does not equate.

So, that whole story was about them?

I can't believe that this is our life.

We're just expendable cogs collecting alien rubbish.

Happy Monday, boys! (BOTH GASP)

How are my two favorite

refuse engineers?

You'll be happy to hear that I have an important

new mission for you.

You'll be retrieving

adorable garden gnomes of alien origin.

I'll send you the coordinates!

Enjoy!

Lawn gnomes? At least we won't be handling garbage.

MILO: Hey, great news everyone.

I signed Mom and Dad up

for the final skating competition

at Skate Ashbury. (EXCLAIMS)

Honey, some people are afraid of spiders.

Some are afraid of heights.

BOTH: We are afraid of choking

at '70s-style roller disco dancing.

You've seen our shattered dream board, right?

Maybe, it's time to face your fears.

I can be your coach.

I've choreographed your routine

like I pack my backpack.

I'm preparing you for any eventuality!

Can't we just, you know, shimmy in place?

Do you want to lose?

Sir, no, sir! No.

Ice Cream Parlor. Dip and scoop.

Number 23.

The Eggbeater.

Spin Cycle.

What a charming little cottage.

Who knew lawn gnomes were of alien origin?

Well, not all of them.

This one appears to be from Druesselstein.

Hm, sounds made up.

Everything's made up.

Spatula, Meringue, Cavendish.

Touche. Touche.

It's all made-up words.

That's my gnome!

Hello, madam. My name is Cavendish,

and this is my associate... Ow!

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BOTH YELLING)

She's terrifying.

Yeah, she reminds me of mother.

Was that your routine or did you get a bee stuck in your underwear?

Because I've had that happen and...

What are you doing here?

Oh, I'm one of the judges.

I had a very popular skating video

on the internet a ways back.

I am a superstar.

(GRUNTING)

So, anyhow... But don't worry,

I'll be impartial.

Matter of fact, I'll take a point off

just because I know you.

I am a superstar.

Now, let's just sneak in there

and get those gnomes.

(GATE CREAKS)

Huh? My gnome!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Gotta get outta here.

(VEHICLE BEEPING)

Hi, Bummer. Bummer

Martin and Brigette

Blast from the past.

Oh, hey, the same team

who beat you back in the day

is coming tonight for a re-do.

Quite the co-inky-dink. Ha-ha.

Pete and Tina?

Hey, Murphy's!

Nice outfits.

Hey, break a leg.

Ha! Yeah.

Probably! Murphy's Law.

They're gonna destroy us!

Just to save time, I'm gonna dial 91, now.

It's the first two digits of my friend Ed's phone number.

He can drive us to the hospital.

I'm going to hook my belt onto this

and slide across.

When I've filled the basket with gnomes,

I'll slide it back to you.

I totally have your back.

(GASPS)

(CAVENDISH SCREAMS)

(EXCLAIMS)

(GRUNTS) My gnome!

Hey, come back here with my pinata!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

Wow.

Hey, Cameron, check out this disco dancing.

Ian, we're here to take inventory,

so they can sell this stuff at auction.

Stay focused.

Huh. They are pretty good.

Whoa. That move was so complicated.

Amazing! This might be the most amazing

routine I've ever seen!

That anyone's ever seen.

Wow!

How did he throw her like that

and do that twist thing, and then catch her,

all in one motion?

Did you see that?

I don't want to see anything else ever again.

Perfection! This needs to be seen.

This needs to be seen by everyone.

This should be on T.V.

(WHOOSHING)

Whoa! What? No, they didn't.

No, they did not! How is that even possible?

Mind blown. Mind blown.

Is that... Is that...

Must be some sort of super-complicated,

amazing finishing moves.

(WHOOSHING)

(EXCLAIMS) Oh, man.

Now, that is the most amazing routine

I've ever seen!

That is the most amazing routine of all time.

It's really a crime against culture

that this is not on T.V.

(CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

You want to go for some pizza

and feel sorry for ourselves?

I'll get our capes.

Wait a minute. You can't quit.

This is bigger than winning or losing.

This is about facing your fear!

This may be hard, but the world

ain't all kittens and rainbows.

Okay. Well, it's not all kittens.

Huh. I guess it is all kittens and rainbows.

Anyway... As dad always says,

keep your eyes and ears open,

and end with the double boogie.

I do say that! I have said that.

I say that! You did,

you have, and you do.

Let's go lose!

You know, old people go to bed early,

so this shouldn't take much longer.

Told ya. Okay, so now we...

My gnomes! Drive, drive,

drive!

Oh. (SIGHS)

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

(MEN SCREAMING)

My gnomes!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

BOTH: Yay!

¶ We're dancing

¶ Now skating ¶

Number 23.

The Eggbeater.

(GRUNTS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(TRUCK HORN BLARING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Spin cycle.

¶ Skating

¶ and dancing ¶

Hey, you got kittens in my yarn.

You got yarn in my kittens.

(CATS MEOWING)

Ice Cream Parlor. Ice Cream Parlor!

No! She's still there.

She's still there!

How did she go so fast? She's so old! Look out!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(SIGHS)

Well, I hope she's...

(GRUNTING, SCREAMING)

(CLATTERING)

(BOTH GROAN)

Is it over?

(SCREAMS)

My seatbelt. It's stuck.

I can't get out. Mine's stuck too.

She's coming, she's coming.

Oh, no! (WHIMPERING)

We'll give you money for your gnomes!

¶ Skating and dancing Dancing and skating ¶

(CROWD CHEERING)

CROWD: Yay! Go, Mom!

BOTH: We did it!

You are a superstar.

I took one point off because I knew you.

Otherwise, it would've been a 12.

MR. BLOCK: (ON T.V.) Gentlemen.

I see you got the gnomes

from that sweet old lady.

Kudos!

Thank you, sir.

He paid her 50 bucks.

So, can you tell us why the gnomes

are so valuable?

Oh, they're not valuable.

They're disgusting!

The aliens convert their waste

into gnomes, and use Earth

as a dumping ground.

So we are sitting on a couch

covered in alien droppings?

Is this still a step up from garbage?

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

OLD LADY: Mine!

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Whoa

¶ I'm not sitting here watching the world turn

¶ You know I'd rather spin it

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶