Original subtitles

¶¶

¶ Look at that sun Look at that sky

¶ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly

¶ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree

¶ It's about as beautiful as it can be

¶ Whoa

¶ Today is gonna be exceptional!

¶ Never boring, even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all living in it

¶ Whoa

¶ Whoa

¶ Never boring, even for a minute

¶ It's my world and we're all living in it ¶

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

BRIGETTE: Hot dogs, chicken dogs, soy dogs.

Check, check, and no thank you.

Let's do this.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

MELISSA: Good luck.

So, what do we do to the inevitable explosion?

We could play a board game.

Ah, the spirit of crushing your enemies and seeing them driven before you.

I'm in. Okay, there is one thing.

Murphy's law.

You see, we've started lots of board games.

We even tried to play cards once

and it did not go well.

You got any threes?

(CRASHING)

I have never finished a board game.

Well, that sounds... Dangerous.

But I'm hungry and it's making me reckless so let's do it.

Game night is go!

MAN: (SINGING) ¶ Game night ¶

(BARKING)

So, all we need is a game that has most of its pieces still intact.

(BARKING)

Here's one called Pointless Pursuit. It's empty.

This one is called Mind Games.

What's this?

"We know what you've done."

(GASPS)

So I think Panopoly is out.

Next contestant. Look at this.

Lard World.

The officially licensed board game

and it's never been opened.

That game's easy. It should be a cinch to finish before Murphy's law hits.

Everything's in here. It even has a little spinner.

(CAT SCREECHING) (CAR TIRES SKIDDING)

Maybe we can play using dice instead.

There's gotta be dice in one of these other games.

Huh, none in here either.

Wait, there's one more box.

Ah, but it's called No Dice.

Wow, No Dic e is full of dice.

There isn't even a game board in here.

(RACCOON SCREECHING) It's just a bunch of...

¶ You've seen him before You're gonna see him soon

¶ He's Recurring Raccoon ¶

Yep. I knew he'd be back.

Now what are we gonna do for dice?

Wait a minute.

Those bulky tissue boxes give me an idea.

The rules are simple.

You just have to escape Lard World and get home

which will save the multiverse

and win the gratitude of the spaghetti people from another dimension...

Apparently.

Weird game.

Hey gang! What's the... (GASPS) Wait!

Are you guys actually playing an actual board game, actually?

What's so unusual about that?

Milo's never finished a board game. Yet.

Come on, Neal, from the comic shop. You guys wanna play?

Yeah. I get to be the Lard Goat. I'm Lard Lamb.

I'm the Lard Arbiter of Good Taste.

What's that all about?

Really? And you didn't have a problem with the spaghetti people from another dimension.

Whoo! I get to be Lardy Boy.

I'm the banker, I'm the banker. I control everything.

Free will is an illusion propagated by the bourgeoisie.

(DIOGEE PANTING)

MILO: Aw, look, Diogee wants to play.

Can dogs play Lard World?

Let's see, prohibited mammals, hamsters, monkeys, raccoons, sloths,

otters, pigs, and zebras.

Nope. Dogs are okay.

You're in, Diogee. (BARKING)

Four, five, six.

"You're stuck in a lard swamp."

I feel like I'm disappointing the spaghetti people from another dimension

but I'm okay with it.

We're off to a great start, gang.

MARTIN: Brigette, I finally got the grill lit.

MILO: Lardy Boy!

ZACK: It's just a game piece. Why does it have a skeleton?

I knew this econo tub of baking soda would come in handy one day.

Hey! Check it out.

It only burned the beginning of the game.

Does anybody remember where we were?

I do. I have a semi-photographic memory.

It's really only useful for things like board games

and remembering where you parked.

That is so cute.

Yeah, I'm next to a tree.

So, I guess pizza?

I'll call Veronica.

I believe I was on this burn mark right here.

Oh, wow!

You guys are actually trying to play a board game, really?

I think it's time.

I think it's time too, slugger.

You know what, kids?

I really admire your gumption.

Gumption? Slugger?

Hmm, touche!

Well, other than the big explosion, how did the grilling go?

It depends. How well done do you like your soy dogs?

You lost me at soy dogs.

Yeah, me too.

(MAN READING)

(MAN SIGHS)

(CONTINUES READING)

Snake eyes, one, two...

"Crow like a lard rooster."

Ha. Start crowing.

(IMITATING ROOSTER CROWING)

Yeah, you don't know everything about me.

We're gonna do it. We're gonna finish the game.

We need your table.

Hey, wait!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Another job well done.

Is that a black hole?

Heavens, no!

That is a deadly vortex.

Completely different. Yeah, we plugged it up though.

Why did you have to use our table?

Well, Cavendish told me we needed a four by six object,

preferably flat, table-like,

and this was the first table I thought of

which makes me feel sort of silly because we passed like four furniture stores

on the way over here.

We're about to finish playing Lard World.

We'll use this as a table.

Wanna play? Oh, sure but...

He cheats at games.

If you roll doubles, you get another turn. Oh, here we go again.

MILO: Here, pick a playing piece.

Tell you what, I'll be the old gum.

Is that a game piece?

It is now.

MILO: So, where were we? (DIOGEE BARKS)

Okay, everyone, I called Veronica.

So the pizzas should be here, any minute.

Well, guess I better get ready. (TIRES SCREECHING)

(CRASHING)

(CRASHING)

¶ Here's your pizza We're tired of bangers and mash ¶

Hey, Veronica!

Hey, Milo!

Did you guys know there was a black hole above your house?

Actually, it's a deadly vortex.

Apparently, they look a lot alike.

Oh!

Game night!

Wanna play? Next time.

I'm on the clock. Bye, see you later.

Bye, Veronica... BRIGETTE: Bye! Thanks again.

Grab it while it's warm, kids.

Great, who's hungry?

(CRASHING)

Oh, hi, Neal from the comic shop!

Oh, hey, everyone's here.

Do you know an 11 letter word for something that's not important?

How about "unimportant"?

Let's see, 8, 9, 10, 11... That's it!

Excellent.

(CAT SCREECHING)

(ROOSTER CLUCKING)

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: See you at dinner.

Oh, no!

We got so close.

Game's over. We can't play without a board.

Let's eat.

Yes, exactly.

Everyone, grab a slice.

We don't have to stop playing.

We can make our own board.

We'll start with the cardboard from this box.

Follow me to the garage.

All we need to do is

use these other pieces to fill in the part between here and Lard World.

We'll make a new game from the old ones

and finish that game.

Game night!

ALL: Game night!

(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

¶ Well, it's game night

¶ It's time to crush our enemies

¶ It's game night

¶ It's driven before you

There's also, family togetherness.

¶ Well, yeah, there's that But we don't wanna bore you

¶ We'll have to throw out the rules

¶ But it will be all right

¶ 'Cause it's game night

¶ Game night

¶ 'Cause it's game night

¶ Game night ¶

What's that?

Rock, paper, Murphy's law.

Murphy's law beats everything.

It's probably why I'm so good at rock paper scissors.

Uh-oh, frog mask!

Heh, weird game.

Arr, walk the plank with your right hand.

Right hand. Argh.

You didn't do it in a pirate voice.

I certainly did. Pirates were often privateers,

highly educated gentlemen working for the crown. Argh!

I'll allow it because I'm the banker. Boom!

There, huzzah!

(GROWLING)

Yeah, you don't wanna get too close to Diogee's game piece.

I'm gonna win.

But first, it's time for the perpetual motion machine chance card bonus.

(GAME BELL DINGS)

Go back 700 spaces?

But the board only had 500 spaces

and 100 of those have been burned off.

Sara, no!

I can't play this without you.

You can, Milo, and you will.

You must finish the game

at all costs.

(COUGHS) Finish the game.

I won't let you down, Sara.

And I won't give up on everything that we fought so hard to achieve.

(CLATTERING)

Protect the board!

Defend it with your life.

This is it, Milo, we're almost to the end.

We're all just one roll away.

The finish line is in our sights.

I can taste it.

Does it taste like old gum, 'cause I can't find my game piece.

I just want you all to know, win or lose,

how much fun I'm having with all of you here.

Maybe we should play game night all the...

Should we stop?

Probably, I mean, they don't call it a deadly vortex for nothing.

But Milo's never been this close to finishing the game.

Any game.

Ever!

Maybe this was enough.

Maybe we don't have to finish.

No, you've come too far.

Everybody roll your dice.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Well, I guess that vortex wasn't as deadly as I thought it was.

Hey, you guys, we did it.

We actually finished the game.

But who won? The dog won.

I think he cheats. (GROWLS)

Milo, does it really matter who won?

You're right. It doesn't matter who wins or loses.

The important thing is that we finished the game

and that we won the gratitude of the spaghetti people.

Does anyone know how to get back to our dimension?

¶ It's my world and we're all living in it ¶

Wow, Mr. and Mrs. Murphy.

I can't believe you organized this whole race.

And all the money goes to a new shelter for all the stray llamas in town.

You know our slogan, "When you spend a dollar, it helps a llama."

I know it doesn't technically rhyme but it's still catchy.

On that note, honey, we have to get down to the concession booth.

Oh, that's right.

Those llama plushies won't sell themselves.

Well, except for Brohama, the talking sales llama.

He actually can sell himself.

BROHAMA: Get a llama for your mama.

Oh, he's good. And that actually does rhyme.

Okay, we better go.

(PHONE RINGING)

Ah, it's Doof. Yello!

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Oh, hi, Martin.

I just wanted to find out, that yellow liquid in the refrigerator,

is it shampoo?

No Doof, it's not shampoo.

'Cause it tastes like shampoo.

How would you know what shampoo tastes like?

I usually shower with my mouth open, things happen.

It's lemonade.

Oh, good, 'cause I finished it.

Okay, that's goodbye.

Why is he living with us again?

BRIGETTE: I don't know, it's convoluted.

Wow!

I can't believe we're gonna sit in the sky box.

That is totally steep.

I mean literally.

The stairs to the box are sharply inclined.

It's so great that all these famous race car drivers wanted to help out.

You would be surprised by the amount of llama awareness there is

in the stock car community.

I am llama.

I am llama.

ALL: We are llama.

ANNOUNCER: So support the llama relief fund.

The change you give will change their lives.

But not that much because, you know, they're llamas.

Stop, Milo!

You cannot be at this stadium. You are a danger, a hazard, a menace,

a peril, and several other synonyms.

Back off, Elliot. Milo has as much right to be here as anyone.

More, his mom organized this.

Besides, I can't leave.

It's Diogee's first race.

(PANTING)

Well, I wouldn't wanna disappoint a dog.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, racing legend, Rusty Wallace.

Welcome to the first ever Llama Race-o-rama.

Are you ready to save some llamas?

MAN: Save them from what? What happened to the llamas?

Great! To start the race,

the safety car will lead the drivers on the warm-up lap.

And one lucky member of the audience will now be chosen to ride along.

Ride in the safety car?

The car whose whole purpose is safety?

(CHUCKLING) Oh, please, let it be me.

Oh, please, please, please, please, please, please!

And the winner is,

Milo Murphy.

Hey, that's me! Unless there's another Milo.

Is there another Milo Murphy here?

CROWD: No!

Whoo-hoo!

Milo in the safety car, that's ironic.

Oh, I wanted that so bad.

Actually, I know someone who wants this a lot more than me.

So, I'm giving my ticket to Elliot Decker.

Wow! That's awful nice of you.

Elliot Decker, you're riding in the safety car.

Come on down.

(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)

(GROANS) Wait, hold on.

I got it, I got it!

Whoo-hoo!

Okay, then. Let's just get a picture of you and Milo

in front of the safety car.

Ah!

Wait, do you want a profile or should I cheat out a little to the left?

Oh, how about '80s music video style?

That's, uh, great.

Milo, why don't you just get on the other side?

(SQUAWKS) Hey, my hot dog!

Uh, that's just as well.

When eaten improperly, it can be a choking hazard.

(SQUAWKING)

(SIREN BLARING)

You'll never get me in a million years!

This thing's been going for weeks!

A hot dog? Perfect, I'm starving.

(WHOOSHES)

Okay, guys. It's time to bring in the pace car driver.

Safety car. Well, it's also called the pace car.

Safety car.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Hey, my lunch is in there!

This is all your fault!

You have violated the sanctity of the safety car

which I wouldn't even be in if it hadn't been for your generosity.

So I'm thankful, but I'm still angry.

I'm so conflicted!

Well, the pace car is going. I guess we ought to get started.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, this is crazy.

It's bizarre, it's erratic, it's several other synonyms.

I've never seen anything like this.

Maybe it's because I'm wearing these crazy glasses.

Whoa! The race is weird, too.

Oh!

BOTH: Ahhh!

RUSTY WALLACE: This is the wildest warm-up lap I've ever taken.

Well, no cars, no blah-blah-blah.

But you can't just leave.

You're right! My goggles.

Oh. Excuse me, ma'am.

By the way, you feel like a wall. You should have that checked.

(CROWD BOOING)

Oh, this is not good.

Now everyone's gonna ask for their money back.

And then they won't be able to build the llama shelter!

And there will be llamas roaming the streets.

WOMAN: I want my money back!

MAN: Let the llamas roam the streets.

We've got to do something!

I'm gonna announce the race.

But you can't see the race!

I can sort of see the race.

And I'm gonna announce the heck out of what I sorta can see.

Ladies and gentlemen, and the racers are driving down the street

and they're passing some sort of shop.

Maybe a market, could be a car wash! Hard to tell from this distance.

And one of the drivers is pulling over to the s...

No, that's a delivery truck.

And now they're passing behind a big sign,

and I can't see them.

And I still can't see them.

And I still can't see them.

MAN: You're a sub-standard announcer.

I don't think you should leave this booth for a while.

You got any better ideas?

I could tap into the video feed from the Lard World blimp.

ZACK: Oh, you can do that?

That would have been nice information to share earlier.

And they're coming around the turn at 5th and Main,

and the red car is trying to make his move on the blue car with a dig.

And blue shuts him out!

Incredible driving by the blue car.

Okay, Elliot, remember, control, control, control.

(WHIMPERS)

Get it under control...

(ELLIOT WHIMPERS)

(CROWD BOOING)

Oh, come on!

Sorry, Elliot, but I think we're stuck in here until that rocket burns out.

We might as well relax and enjoy the ride.

Enjoy the ride? Enjoy the ride?

You know what enjoying the ride leads to.

Fun? Danger!

And I will not be taking any suggestion from a Murphy.

Turn left! I just said I'm not taking any...

Okay, turning!

Phew! Thanks for that.

You just turned right.

(ELLIOT SCREAMING)

This is crazy.

Where are they getting all this stuff?

Get your expired vegetables to throw at lame announcers!

We gotta get that video feed back up.

They were headed down Broadway.

That's where that new hipster donut shop is!

If you want a donut, I'm pretty sure there's one stuck to the window.

No, the shop has a webcam!

(ALL CHEERING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

¶ If you're in a motor sporting event

¶ Then you've already got your parents' consent

¶ You need a vehicle that's gonna prevent

¶ Any unnecessary accident

¶ To protect the other cars in the race

¶ There's only one that's gonna live it the best ¶

Keep at it, kids. You'll have our job in no time.

Hey, speak for yourself, Jones.

Come on!

Whoo!

¶ The safety car The safety car

¶ If you ain't following me you don't know where you are

¶ You better keep me in your thoughts or you will start to lapse

¶ That's the only way you're gonna see the yellow flag

¶ If you wanna put a trophy up there on your shelf

¶ You better check yourself before you wreck yourself ¶

Hey, I just painted that!

(SCREAMS)

Uh, should we slow down here?

Who are you? And what have you done with Ricky Stenhouse Jr.?

You're right. What was I thinking?

Whoo-hoo!

You think this is fun?

Yeah! We went on a roller coaster,

we went underground, and we spun a UFO like it was a top.

We did? And I think we're gonna do it again.

Whoo-hoo!

¶ S-A-F-E-T-Y C-A-R

¶ Safety car, safety car

¶ S-A-F-E-T-Y C-A-R

¶ Safety car, safety car ¶

(WHIMPERS)

Are you laughing or crying?

I don't know.

Get a llama for your mama.

The drivers have completed their, um,

warm-up lap and the race can now officially begin.

And the drivers all appear to be out of gas?

I didn't want to beat you, anyway. You're my friend.

Now we can all be winners.

Murphy! That was

awesome! (CHUCKLES)

We flew through the air, and on a roller coaster

and underground, and we're still alive!

That was, dare I say, fun!

You're right, Elliot.

Sometimes, it's important to relax and enjoy the...

Ow! My toe!

See what happens when you relax?

Medic! I need a medic!

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational ¶

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ Whoa

¶ I'm not sitting here watching the world turn

¶ You know I'd rather spin it

¶ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

¶ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ¶