Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: And the first annual middle school

safety award goes to... Elliot Decker!

(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

Oh, I am so deeply honored to accept this incredible award.

Since I'm, uh, you know, not a public speaker,

I didn't prepare a speech so please allow me

in my very humble way to simply say... Lights!

♪ Ever since I was hall monitor

♪ And wore that safety vest

♪ All the other kids in school were jealous, said I was obsessed.

♪ But what you see is what you get

♪ There's nothing more to go on

♪ With me, it's safety first and second, third and forth, and so on

♪ I'm no friend to careless living

♪ Danger's biggest enemy

♪ I'm a soldier in the war on accidental injury

♪ He's the caution king, he's the safety czar

♪ I'm the being careful superstar!

♪ He's an advocate for living hazard free!

♪ That's me!

♪ So when it comes to cautious living

♪ There's a lot of free advice I'm giving!

♪ Gotta non-slip, flame-retardant,

♪ High-reflective, shatterproof philosophy

♪ If you're looking for a safety czar, that's me

♪ Yes, if you're looking for a safety czar

♪ Just think of me as life's pace car!

♪ If you're looking for a safety czar! ♪

Elliot Decker, you are destined

to be the greatest middle school safety inspector of all time.

(ALARM BEEPING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING) Elliot here. Over.

Mr. Decker. This is Principal Milder.

Hello, ma'am. I was just making the rounds

downtown, taping foam rubber on pointy objects.

Is this about my resume? Over.

Indeed, Mr. Decker.

You've been selected as our first candidate

for middle school safety inspector.

We've been forced to hire from within,

and since you're our volunteer crossing guard...

Yes! Advancing through bureaucracy! I'll take it!

The giant mystic crash test dummy was right!

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

Okay, Elliot you've got this. Safety is my life. Safety is my middle name.

I eat safety for breakfast... Good morning, Mr. Decker.

Your assignment is to inspect and correct any safety violations.

At the end of the day, if the school grounds

conform to code and there are no major problems, the job is yours.

(LAUGHS JOYFULLY)

Unsecured trash cans, students without knee pads or helmets,

dangerously abrasive ceiling tiles,

exposed electrical sockets,

sharp corners on fire extinguisher casing...

(GASPS)

Milo Murphy!

If anything goes wrong today, he'll be at the center of it.

I can't let that walking disaster area out of my sight.

Whoa!

PRINCIPAL MILDER: Mr. Decker? Is everything okay out there?

Help me! Hey!

Did you just say something?

Yes, uh, have a helpy day!

"Helpy"? It's "help" as an adjective.

Touche.

So we get the rehearsal room at free period.

How did you line this up?

Principal Milder said we could use the music room

in exchange for never walking past her office again.

Well, can you blame her?

Hi, Principal Milder!

(GASPS)

Gentlemen! Welcome to the North Pole...

Oh, sorry! Dive! Dive! Dive!

Okay, from the top. Two, three, four... (BAND PLAYING)

Possible safety violations in music room.

Left piano wheel bent,

tuba improperly affixed to walls,

spit-valve missing on trumpet...

(GROANS)

(PANTING)

Having secured Milo's schedule,

his present location is the most dangerous of all.

Science class.

(GRUNTS) Possible science class violations...

Bunsen burners, volatile chemicals,

laser equipment.

Also it was way too easy to get inside this air duct.

But I've got to make like a predicate and follow my subject.

Hey, Milo, ever get the feeling somebody's watching you?

Sure. Whenever we sit next to boney boy.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, that's, that's not creepy...

(BELL RINGS)

Hey, can we practice again during lunch?

That sounded good this morning. Let's do it!

Stay gold, boney boy!

Present perimeter secured.

(SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

(YELLING)

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTS)

I will not let you down, giant, mystic crash test dummy!

(GRUNTS)

Safe enough.

I can't let Milo out of my sight.

♪ Just roll with it! ♪

Possible violations, exceeding county noise ordinance,

playing a rock song on an accordion...

Hey, Elliot, this drinking fountain is leaking.

Aren't you gonna report it?

In a moment! That menace Milo Murphy is on the move!

Nice alliteration.

Thanks. I had a whole predicate joke before but nobody heard it.

How is the inspection going, Mr. Decker?

Uh, just checking the spackling.

Lookin' good, everything up to code!

Are you sitting on the drinking fountain?

No.

(SCREAMS)

He's getting away!

Whoa!

You're not getting away from me, Murphy.

I'm coming for ya.

I'm coming for ya.

No matter what you do, Milo Murphy,

this school is safe on my watch!

(SEAGULL SCREECHES)

Hey! Get off of there! Get off of there!

I can't see Murphy! G... Get off... (STRAINING)

Hey, that's my sandwich!

Hey, hey! Get off! Hey!

(YELLS) Get outta here!

Would you take a look at this boulder I dug up?

The thing's perfectly round!

Yeah, round.

I mean, it's like a big marble!

Smooth!

If this thing ever got rolling, it would never stop!

Never stop.

I shouldn't have left the engine running.

Nope. Shouldn't have.

ELLIOT: What the...

Uh... Oh, no!

The school!

(GRUNTING)

Stop!

Attention, all students!

Please flatten yourselves against the wall to avoid the giant boulder!

I repeat, avoid giant boulder!

(PANTS)

♪ Just roll with it

♪ Sometimes there looks like there is no solution

♪ You wish you had a stronger constitution (GROANS)

♪ Don't have to worry about mistakes you've made

♪ When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade

♪ Hey! ♪ Hey, whatcha gonna do?

♪ There's gotta be something that'll get you through

♪ The world is gonna shake you

♪ But don't you let it break you in two

♪ Yeah

♪ You can schedule and plan but you've gotta understand

♪ You're never really in control

♪ You've got to know to let go and just roll with it

(GROANING)

♪ Hey!

(BELL DINGS)

♪ Hey, whatcha gonna do?

♪ There's gotta be something that'll get you through

♪ The world is gonna shake you

♪ But don't you let it break you in two

♪ Yeah!

♪ You can schedule and plan but you've gotta understand

♪ You're never really in control

♪ You've got to know to let go... ♪

Quick! Somebody get the other door!

I got it, Elliot! No, no, Murphy! Not you!

It worked? Yeah, you did it, Elliot!

Stay back, Murphy! Hear me?

Sure thing. Nice job, Elliot!

Oh, no. My bike! Oh!

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

Is that boulder new? It's perfectly round.

I mean, if it started rolling it would just...

Mr. Decker, is that your bike?

Um...

I thought so.

Do you call this a safe environment?

Mr. Decker, you're fired!

But I haven't been hired yet!

Oh, that's right.

Well then, you're not hired.

Good day!

I'll never get this job now.

Oh, I'm sure that's not the case.

What was the job? School safety officer.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, no, you're right.

You're definitely not getting that.

Maybe next time.

Elliot Decker...

I guess I was wrong.

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

♪ We're all livin' in it

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

♪ Whoa

♪ I'm not sitting here watching the world turn

♪ You know I'd rather spin it

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪