Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ Look at that sun Look at that sky

♪ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly

♪ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be

♪ Whoa

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional

♪ Never boring even for a minute

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

♪ Whoa, whoa

♪ Never boring even for a minute

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Where am I?

You've been in a coma.

For 12 years.

Krill!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

ANNOUNCER: In a world where krill are everywhere.

They're very, very small. But they're everywhere.

ANNOUNCER: One man has what it takes to fight back.

Give up, Krill Hunter. They're everywhere!

I'll catch you on the flip side. (GRUNTS)

Oh, I get it. It's sarcasm!

Actually, it's a pun.

ANNOUNCER: From the visionary minds that brought you...

(ANNOUNCER READING)

I'll get you, krill!

Hey, you got 'em! I... I think...

(ANNOUNCER READING)

I'm not the Krill Hunter I used to be.

(ANNOUNCER READING)

Oh, Krill Hunter, I'd love to go swimming.

I wouldn't advise it.

(ANNOUNCER READING)

(LAUGHS)

Krill-joy!

(ANNOUNCER READING)

I'm going to need some hump-backup.

And that's why Tobias Trollhammer is my idol.

It's a cool trailer, but he's just an action guy.

Well, it's more than that. His movies taught me that when something's in your way,

it's not a problem, it's a challenge!

Like that hat?

Oh, right. This is the same kind of hat

that Tobias wore in Krillhunter II: Time to Krill.

I thought it might make him notice me.

After all, I'm not the only one who wants his autograph.

I mean, look at this line!

We don't want that has-been's autograph.

This is the line for the ice cream guy.

I'm saving up for med school!

Oh. Do you know where we can find him?

Well, they're filming a movie over on Brand and Sanchez.

You might check over there.

MILO: I thought there'd be more fans here.

Sorry, Milo, but Tobias Trollhammer is old news.

Nobody wants to see him anymore.

Isn't that him pulling up over there?

Oh, my gosh, I see him!

What? He's still a movie star.

Come on, let's go get his autograph!

Well, well, well, if it isn't my old friend, Milo Murphy.

We're friends? That's so nice.

Can't you tell I'm being sarcastic?

Well, I can now.

Wait a minute. You're not even a real security guard.

Do you even work here?

Yeah, the letters on your back are just masking tape.

And your walkie-talkie is just a bar of soap with a straw shoved it.

I filed a permit with the city and extended my crosswalk all the way to here.

So today, I am protecting Tobias Trollhammer.

Zack, Plan B! Right.

(GROANS) I think I'm sick. You've got to take me to the infirmary.

You really think I'm going to fall for the old sick prisoner routine?

No, no, you're right. Too dramatic?

Way over the top. It still worked, though.

Wait, if that's Zack...

And the award for the best stunt double goes to Mort!

(GROANS) Emergency!

We've got a 709 at the south entrance!

Lorraine! My soap is talking to me! LORRAINE: Just ignore it!

(SIGHS) I missed him! Darn it.

And as long as I'm on duty, you're always going to miss him!

Okay, guys, time for plan H.

What about C through G?

MILO: I already went through them all in my head and they don't work!

ZACK: Wow, Milo. This thing is cool.

How'd you fit this in your backpack?

Oh, it telescopes down.

Which is ironic, 'cause, you know, it's a periscope.

Can you see Elliot?

Yeah, he's just standing there, with that ridiculous look on his face.

I can hear you guys!

Ooh, let me see!

Okay, yeah, you just look through here.

Wait a second, I only see sky.

Oh, there he is.

Yeah, it is kind of a ridiculous look.

ELLIOT: I can still hear you!

MELISSA: Hang on a second...

I see some pipes, a wrecking ball and a water tower.

Excellent! Now all we need is a cup of Murphy's Law.

I'm not letting you in.

Oh, I know, Melissa just wanted me to stand over here.

(BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

Uh, Melissa? Now what? How do I get in?

Never mind! I figured it out!

(GROANS) This script is awful!

No stunts. No action.

And there's hardly any krill in it at all!

No wonder my fans have abandoned me.

Your fans haven't abandoned you!

In fact, I saw a whole line of them out there!

As soon as they get their ice cream they're going to come over here, Tobias!

It's almost like my career has been jinxed by a menninkainen.

What the heck is a menninkainen?

It's a goblin from Scandinavian folklore.

He comes on his sled of doom to curse you with bad luck and eat your soul.

How does he eat your soul?

I do not know the particulars.

Tobias, I promise you, there's no goblins haunting you.

You say that but you do not know.

Okay, places everyone. Let's try to get this in one take.

Tobias, remember now, you've spent days hunting krill

to save the little girl in the hospital.

And, action! Oh, they're filming right over here.

I don't see any krill on the horizon.

I think everything's gonna be all... (GASPS)

What's wrong with him? He's acting. Keep rolling.

(GASPING)

I'm here to eat your soul!

(SCREAMS) Menninkainen!

Oh, no! You hit Jerry! I think.

Stay away from me, menninkainen!

MAN: I mean, he's a krill so he's awfully small.

Does anyone have a magnifying glass?

He's going off script!

Keep rolling and follow him!

I didn't mean to startle him. I just wanted his autograph.

You're a fan of Tobias?

The biggest. You're just what he needs.

He needs to see you. To know that he is loved.

To know that people still care.

Now go find him.

You want us to chase the man who ran away from us in terror?

The most noble thing you can do is support the ego of a man who pretends to hunt krill!

He's right!

Now go! Go! Go like the wind!

Can we borrow this?

Um... Thanks! Come on, guys!

Ah, Reggie, you gotta learn to stand up for yourself.

I'm borrowing your cart full of frozen delightful.

Unlike Reggie, I'm okay with it!

Oh, no! It's the menninkainen, on his sled of doom!

And the director, on his sled of doom!

And I have no idea who those guys are.

But they're also on a sled of doom!

Take that! And that!

(GRUNTS)

Oh! Merchandising tie-in! Brilliant!

Oh, ice cream!

TOUR GUIDE: (OVER PA) And to your left, you can see

our city's historic waterfront district.

And with this new, uh, street boat,

we can show you the sights our competitors can't!

MAYOR: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first annual

full-sized remote control car race.

On your marks, get set, go!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(GRUNTS)

This is solid gold! Keep shooting!

Stop chasing me, menninkainen!

What's a menninkainen?

Oh! It's a goblin from Scandinavian folklore.

How would you know that?

Don't you remember that show when we were kids?

MAN: ♪ Milly and the menninkainen ♪

I love you, menninkainen!

I'm gonna eat your soul!

MAN: ♪ Milly and the menninkainen ♪

No, I do not remember that show!

Yeah, maybe we had different cable providers.

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

He's on the rover! Bring us in close.

You know we're not in control of this. I don't know who is!

I can't even see my car anymore.

You guys want to stop?

Nah, just keep pushing these little levers.

I'm sure it's very exciting.

Hi, Mr. Trollhammer! I'd really...

You're going to eat my soul!

I have no plans to eat your soul!

I was just hoping you'd sign an autograph.

Oh, and here's a treat!

If you look to your right, you'll see has-been actor Tobias Trollhammer.

ALL: Ooh!

Oh, and now he's climbing on our boat.

Again, our competitors don't have this.

You get away from me, menninkainen!

I'm not a menninkainen. I'm a fan.

Why would you be a fan of mine?

I'm washed up. A has-been.

And after this disaster, I'm sure my career is over.

Are you kidding? Your movies taught me that every obstacle

is a challenge you can learn from.

What do you mean?

Take that drawbridge that we're about to plummet off of?

In Krill Hunter V: The Krilling Floor,

when your boat was about to roll out of that cargo plane,

you saved the day by dropping the boat's anchor, like this!

(SCREAMS) We are going to plummet to our...

Oh, no, we are okay.

And only on our tour, you can experience

the dangling on a bridge finale.

PASSENGERS: Ooh!

You saved us! Thank you, menninkainen!

I learned from the best!

And cut!

That was awesome!

I would definitely go see that movie.

That was amazing!

I can easily build an entire movie around that chase scene.

Tobias, baby, you're back!

Please tell me there was film in the camera.

Oh, there wasn't any film in the camera. What?

Because we don't use film anymore.

This is a video camera.

So tell me there was videotape in the camera.

There wasn't any video tape in the camera either. What?

Because we don't use video tape anymore.

Just one of these memory cards.

And there is one of those in the camera.

Ooh, let me see.

(SCREAMS)

You know, I probably deserved that.

So, you think the race is over yet?

Yeah, probably.