Original subtitles

MARCUS: Thanks again for inviting us, Martin.

It's good getting to know people in town.

Glad you came along. Should be fun.

I hope so.

I'm a little nervous about heading out in a sinkable vessel

with both Milo and Milo's dad.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, son.

Every time he comes home with a rip in his jeans

or covered in "Pterodactyl blood,"

he credits it to some Murphy family curse.

(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

Mr. Underwood, I can assure you that Murphy's Law is real.

But I'm sure everything will work out okay.

Then why do we have 11 life jackets for the four of us?

Mathematically, it gives three of us two-and-a-half second chances.

ZACK: Well, that's quasi-comforting, I guess.

Hey, I'll catch up. I'm gonna get some snacks.

Four bags of pistachios please.

Hey, it's you again. The kid from the opera.

Oh, yeah, and at the Doctor Zone premiere too, right?

I'm Milo. Milo Murphy.

Vinnie Dakota. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. What a coincidence.

And thanks for the pistachios.

Yeah, a coincidence...

(EXCLAIMS)

A swordfish... in fresh water?

This is it! From headquarters.

(EXCLAIMS) Where is the cart?

Well, there was this swordfish... In freshwater?

I know, right?

Never mind that. Our new assignment.

Every time I see that kid...

"Wait for the container ship from Tunisia..."

Ooh, Tunisia.

Sounds exotic.

"And protect the pistachios."

You know, I was aware that this was not the most glamorous of assignments,

but dagnabit!

I didn't study time travel for 20 cycles to end up as a blasted nut cart operator.

I joined up to save the world.

I joined up to prevent the Mississippi Purchase.

You, you mean the Louisiana Purchase?

You're welcome.

This will not stand.

Prepare yourself, Dakota.

It's time to call the future.

Let's see. What was that number?

Ah, yes.

It was four.

Mmm-hmm.

Battery is dead.

I may know somebody with an inter-temporal communicator. Come on.

Whoops! (SQUAWKING)

See? Oh, that's not a curse.

That's just inexperienced casting.

Lemme show you.

Nice and easy.

You see?

Isn't this freshwater?

And so it begins...

DAKOTA: Here we are.

So, you're telling me that there is an inter-temporal communicator here?

Yeah. At this party?

Hey, look, piggies in a blanket.

There. Over there.

CAVENDISH: Brick and Savannah. Of course!

Fellow time travelers. They'll have one.

Ugh, what are they doing here?

Brick, Savannah, normally I wouldn't ask this of you

but it seems that the batteries on my...

Wait a moment. You get tuxedos?

Yes. And you get...

High school theater costumes?

Hey, it's all the past.

We decided to go with the '70s.

Yes, but one of you is from the 1970s and one from the 1870s.

Really? Which one am I?

Look, we're kind of in a pinch here.

See, there was this swordfish,

and when we tried to use the battery it was dead.

The battery, not the swordfish.

So we're just wondering if it would be possible for us to use your...

They're on the move. Copy that.

Hey! Why don't we get earpieces?

We're standing right next to each other.

Yeah, so were they! Oh, come on.

But be sure to add a little margarine to the butter.

That way it won't burn. Yeah?

(GRUNTS) Wait! So when do I add the flour?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(CHUCKLES SMUGLY)

(GROANS)

Well, you got to admit

this is a much cooler mission than we have.

DAKOTA: Oh, look at that. It's like a pen key. (BEEPING)

DAKOTA: Spiffy.

Oh, he's an art lover.

Ooh, secret panel for hidden safes.

Oh, come on! They get all the good stuff.

Look, if it's not too much trouble,

we would like to borrow your inter-temporal communicator.

It's extremely important.

(IMITATING) Oh, extremely important.

Important is saving the world,

preserving the future, stopping World War 5.

What happened to World War 3 and 4?

You're welcome. Nice.

Say, you think it's possible that a guy like me

and a girl like you...

(GROANS)

You know, all this does is make me like you more.

Got it. Lars, bring the car around.

CAVENDISH: Your time vehicle is a limousine?

Of course. What do you have?

(STAMMERS) Well, you know. It's just...

It's just different.

(CHITTERING)

BRICK: Next stop, Dr. Grueber's lab, October 1983.

Finally, a bite!

Hey!

(GRUNTS)

Whoa!

(GRUMBLES)

Yeah, okay. Murphy's Law, real thing.

Maybe we should try another spot.

Oh, the humanity! (SCREAMS)

So, how was your fishing, Dolores?

(MOTOR WHIRS) Good girl.

Don't worry. We've always got a backup plan.

MARTIN: There. You see?

ZACK: Whatever can go wrong...

MILO: Will go wrong.

You know, you really shouldn't mix your South American

and your African cichlids.

I made that mistake once. Cost me $34.

I don't see why you lot get all the good stuff.

Where's my limo? Where's my fish tank?

Where's my attractive partner?

Hey! I'm sitting right here.

Look, Cavendish, you're barely even agents.

You are the lowest of low-level government employees,

paired together because no one else will have you.

You were given the most inconsequential mission possible,

to save the pistachio, a green nut,

only because our boss liked them when he was a kid, before they became extinct.

So, if you don't want to lose your jobs altogether,

you better get back to work and make darn sure the pistachio survives until 2085.

Now hold on just one minute! (EXCLAIMING)

Please tell me it didn't just go into the water system.

It went into the water system.

Do you have any idea what you've just done?

(RUMBLING)

(ROARING)

CAVENDISH: Your time vehicle is a limousine?

Of course. What do you have?

(STAMMERS) Well, you know. It's just...

It's just different. You know what?

Let's just get in the car. SAVANNAH: Oh no, you don't.

You're not getting in that car again. Why? What?

You already went back in time with us once and screwed everything up.

Don't worry. We went back and fixed it.

But there's no way we're letting you go muck it up again.

You look great in that dress, by the way.

You've been working out.

You know I have.

Wait. We're time travel agents just like you.

Why do we not get...

We don't have time to explain this again.

Talk to the boss.

(BEEPING)

Cavendish? What do you want?

Mr. Block, sir!

We were hoping to get a different assignment.

One more saving-the-world based

and less nut related.

Well, I'm looking at this can of mixed nuts and, hmm, I don't see any pistachios.

You two were given the most inconsequential assignment we could find

and you still always manage to muck that up.

So, until I see some green nuts in this can, you're on pistachio duty.

Now, get back to work!

Their limo smells like peppermint.

MILO: We can use these scuba tanks to propel the ship.

One on starboard, one on port,

so that way we can steer.

Knock on wood.

(WHOOSHING)

You gotta be kidding me!

See? See?

(ALL SCREAM)

Well, at least we're moving now.

Now you believe me?

We're heading straight for that container ship from Tunisia!

And the steering wheel's broken.

Hang on, Dad. I've got an idea.

Look on the bright side.

My entire career has been one big inconsequential joke.

Where is the bright side?

The pistachio shipment is here and unharmed.

Here, Dad. Wrap this around the steering column.

Come on, guys.

Everybody, lean! (CREAKING)

Come on, Dad.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Milo, it's working.

Comin' in hot. Everyone hold on!

Hey, at least it can't get any worse.

(SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

May I take your order? Who's hungry?

Yeah, I could eat.

That's that Milo Murphy I was telling you about.

Every time our pistachios get ruined, he's there.

Every time. No.

And he almost took out the shipment just then.

That's preposterous.

Whoa!

See?

But that would mean... (GASPS)

He's trying to stop us.

He's trying to ruin our mission.

Dakota, what we are doing here is not inconsequential.

If it's important enough to send a counter-agent, it must be vital.

Hey, now, you're getting a little...

We are not just nut-guarding nobodies.

We are secret-spy somebodies with our very own counter agent.

Well, I guess things are looking up.

Just look at him over there,

plotting our demise.

I sure love cheese fries.

Oh, this is not over, Milo Murphy.

Not by a long shot.

They're fries with cheese!

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ We're all livin' in it

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

♪ Whoa

♪ I'm not sitting here watching the world turn

♪ You know I'd rather spin it

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪