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1
00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:03,525
I love
the scholastic decathlon.
2
00:00:03,569 --> 00:00:05,139
It's the only event
where knowing
3
00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:06,471
the blood type
of all the presidents
4
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:07,366
doesn't make me a freak,
5
00:00:07,407 --> 00:00:09,437
it makes me an athlete.
6
00:00:09,475 --> 00:00:11,275
And I love
the athletic decathlon
7
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:13,340
because, you know,
I'm an actual athlete
8
00:00:13,379 --> 00:00:15,609
who doesn't know
the blood types of presidents.
9
00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:19,148
MILO: "Athledecamathelon?"
What is that?
10
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:20,645
Well, "Athle-" means sports,
11
00:00:20,686 --> 00:00:23,016
but then "math"...
12
00:00:23,055 --> 00:00:25,585
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
Mind blown, man.
13
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:27,085
Let's ask Mr. Drako.
14
00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:28,556
Mr. Drako is a...
15
00:00:30,062 --> 00:00:32,462
Vampeer.
Chad, he's not a vampire.
16
00:00:32,498 --> 00:00:34,468
No. Vampeer.
17
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:36,670
He just has
a widow's peak.
And he's pale.
18
00:00:36,702 --> 00:00:38,372
And he has
that accent.
19
00:00:38,404 --> 00:00:40,644
And we've never
seen his reflection
in the mirror.
20
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:42,973
I've never seen
your reflection
in a mirror, Chad.
21
00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:44,409
Oh, no!
I'm a vampire!
22
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:45,444
(SCREAMING)
23
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:54,249
Hello, children.
24
00:00:58,324 --> 00:00:59,924
(WHISPERING) Psst!
Chad was right.
25
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,389
He has all
his mirrors covered.
26
00:01:01,427 --> 00:01:03,587
MELISSA: He's not a vampire.
27
00:01:03,629 --> 00:01:06,499
Mr. Drako, why do you have
all your mirrors covered?
28
00:01:06,532 --> 00:01:07,932
Oh, those aren't mirrors.
29
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:09,567
They're pictures
of my ex-wife.
30
00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,342
Stop looking
at me, Agnes!
31
00:01:11,370 --> 00:01:12,440
Why don't you just
take them down?
32
00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:14,412
Then where would
I hang my sheets?
33
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:18,680
Um, we wanted to find out
about this Athledecamathelon.
34
00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:20,451
Funny story.
The school district
35
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,280
wasted a lot of money
buying that yacht.
36
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:24,546
So now we have
to combine
37
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:27,724
your scholastic and athletic
decathlons into one event.
38
00:01:27,753 --> 00:01:29,393
Which shouldn't be a problem
39
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:32,222
if you're great at all sports
and all academics.
40
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:35,458
No fair! Who's good
at academics and sports?
41
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,395
Abraham Lincoln.
Blood type A.
42
00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:41,572
Mr. and Mrs. Murphy,
43
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,171
is this a legal, medical,
44
00:01:43,202 --> 00:01:44,972
or state emergency
level problem?
45
00:01:45,004 --> 00:01:47,314
Oh, no. Nothing like that.
Milo just forgot his lunch.
46
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:48,670
And his body armor.
47
00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:50,308
I thought he looked
svelter today.
48
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,514
Ah, memories.
Little help!
49
00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:55,976
You know, they put in those
reinforced steel beams
because of me.
50
00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,575
And these
unbreakable windows.
51
00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,047
Hey, I wonder if they've
still got my old trophy
around here.
52
00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:02,686
You never told me
you won a trophy.
53
00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:03,962
I don't like to brag.
54
00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:08,631
♪ You're the best remaining
55
00:02:08,661 --> 00:02:12,601
♪ When everyone betterhas been eliminated
56
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:15,572
♪ If you happen to bein the right place
57
00:02:15,601 --> 00:02:17,131
♪ At the right time
58
00:02:17,169 --> 00:02:19,539
♪ Remember your training
59
00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:21,542
♪ 'Cause you may be the best
60
00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:24,684
♪ You may bethe best remaining ♪
61
00:02:24,710 --> 00:02:26,040
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
62
00:02:28,814 --> 00:02:32,184
So tell me again
why there was
a rock band on the field?
63
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,518
Eh. It was the 80's.
64
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:34,593
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
65
00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:39,623
Oh.
Whoa!
66
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:43,529
You know, I'm starting
to think that Mr. Drako
really is a vampire.
67
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:44,663
How can he
be a vampire?
68
00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:46,457
He's outside
in the daylight.
69
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:49,699
With an umbrella hat
and a huge amount
of sunscreen.
70
00:02:49,735 --> 00:02:51,635
You can't be
too careful
about the sun.
71
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,671
Mr. Drako, combining
these two events
72
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:55,566
just makes it harder
on everyone.
73
00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:56,538
Oh, don't worry.
74
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,136
I'm sure the other team
75
00:02:58,177 --> 00:03:00,337
is just as unprepared
as you are.
76
00:03:00,379 --> 00:03:03,109
MILO: It's the Middlemen
from Middletown Middle School!
77
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,779
3.141510,
78
00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:09,288
that's almost Pi,
we're the Middlemen!
Huh!
79
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:11,522
You are
going down, Geckos.
80
00:03:11,557 --> 00:03:13,557
What do you know?
Your mascot is
a guy in a suit.
81
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:16,263
WENDY: Our mascot is
Murray the Middleman,
82
00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:18,155
who buys products
from wholesalers
83
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,567
and then sells them
to retailers
at a hefty profit!
84
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,530
Actually, that sounds
kind of impressive.
85
00:03:22,568 --> 00:03:23,598
MELISSA: Mr. Drako!
86
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:26,336
They're totally prepared.
How is that possible?
87
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,072
Well, the Athledecamathelon
88
00:03:28,107 --> 00:03:29,367
was announced
three months ago.
89
00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:32,439
You've known about this
for three months
and you didn't tell us!
90
00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:34,308
I didn't want you
to be freaking out.
91
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:35,507
Like you obviously are.
92
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,648
And you just found out
about it, just now!
93
00:03:37,683 --> 00:03:38,823
Imagine what you'd
have been like
94
00:03:38,851 --> 00:03:40,591
if you had known
about it all this time.
95
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:43,450
He has a point.
You do look
kind of stressed out.
96
00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:45,719
Why don't you
channel that anger
to help you?
97
00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:46,818
You mean like this?
98
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:52,661
(GRUNTING)
99
00:03:52,698 --> 00:03:54,268
O-negative.
100
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,400
William Henry Harrison
and James Garfield.
Boom!
101
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,611
♪ Athledecamathelon
102
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:04,781
♪ We baseour self-esteem upon
103
00:04:04,810 --> 00:04:08,280
♪ Our intellectual clarityand physical dexterity
104
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:11,524
♪ The Athledecamathelon
105
00:04:11,550 --> 00:04:14,620
♪ You may bea prodigy at javelin
106
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:17,794
♪ And you shot putbetter than the best
107
00:04:17,823 --> 00:04:19,663
♪ But if you don't knowyour calculus
108
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:21,762
♪ And comprehend the syllabus
109
00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:24,904
♪ It is doubtful thatyou'll ever pass this test
110
00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:27,870
♪ Athledecamathelon
111
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:31,600
♪ Yes, Athledecamathelon
112
00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:33,567
♪ It's brainsbut it is also brawn
113
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:37,606
♪ It's both you must rely upon
114
00:04:37,643 --> 00:04:40,683
♪ In the Athledecamathelon ♪
115
00:04:40,713 --> 00:04:41,753
(CRASHING)
116
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:42,581
(SCREAMING)
117
00:04:44,583 --> 00:04:47,493
That trophy has
to be here somewhere.
I mean, I was a legend.
118
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,890
Honey, you don't have
to show me the trophy.
119
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,762
I believe you
won the game.
120
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,631
Now can we
go home?
Oh, look.
121
00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:56,890
I don't see
your name anywhere.
122
00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:58,659
Maybe it's behind
one of these big ones.
123
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,200
(GRUNTING)
124
00:05:02,234 --> 00:05:03,534
Whoa.
125
00:05:03,836 --> 00:05:05,536
Got it!
126
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:09,311
No. "Best ceramic statue
of a soccer ball 2013."
127
00:05:09,341 --> 00:05:10,911
They give trophies
for anything nowadays.
128
00:05:10,943 --> 00:05:12,383
Huh. Imagine?
129
00:05:12,411 --> 00:05:13,641
I don't have to,
I'm holding it.
130
00:05:13,679 --> 00:05:16,279
Okay, Milo,
you have five seconds
131
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,645
to name five
famous disasters.
132
00:05:18,684 --> 00:05:19,884
And... Go.
133
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:21,489
Vesuvius.
Chicago Fire.
134
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,490
Dinosaur asteroid.
Titanic. And...
135
00:05:23,522 --> 00:05:25,362
Um...
Your haircut!
136
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:27,291
Oh, meow.
137
00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:28,586
But I'll accept the answer.
138
00:05:28,627 --> 00:05:29,687
(CHEERING)
139
00:05:29,728 --> 00:05:32,198
And now for the physical
portion of your challenge.
140
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:34,471
Throw this round thing
really far.
141
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,643
MILO: Oh. Yep.
142
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,272
Oh, there yep.
143
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:42,337
That's probably my bad.
144
00:05:42,374 --> 00:05:43,744
Oh. Oh.
145
00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:45,836
Mmm, that can happen.
Yeah.
146
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,608
And that's gonna
leave a mess.
147
00:05:48,013 --> 00:05:49,653
Whoa!
Look out!
148
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:50,752
Oh! Heads up!
149
00:05:51,550 --> 00:05:52,780
Okay. Heads up.
150
00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:54,848
And here comes the fire.
151
00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:56,347
Yep. Yep.
152
00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:02,862
You can't possibly
expect us to continue!
153
00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:04,255
Mmm, I can
live with this.
154
00:06:04,296 --> 00:06:05,596
Play on!
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
155
00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:07,671
All right, everyone
in favor of giving up,
156
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,600
give me five dollars
then walk off the field.
157
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:10,995
What's the five dollars for?
158
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:13,396
Are you gonna ask questions
or are you gonna walk?
159
00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:15,769
No. Everybody, wait!
Don't you see?
160
00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:18,778
Before, we were playing
on a uneven playing field,
161
00:06:18,811 --> 00:06:20,581
it was physically even,
162
00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,283
but it was figuratively uneven
163
00:06:22,314 --> 00:06:24,854
because the Middlemen
had time to practice
and we didn't.
164
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,594
But now the field
is literally uneven,
165
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,750
which makes it
figuratively even for us
166
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:32,319
because I've spent
my entire life
167
00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:34,828
learning to deal with things
that are uneven.
168
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:35,990
Physically!
169
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,358
None of these guys have had
to deal with Murphy's Law.
170
00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:39,457
I have!
171
00:06:39,498 --> 00:06:40,898
Which means that we have!
172
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:42,773
Are you with me?
173
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:44,872
I didn't really get
all of that, but you look
really confident,
174
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,774
so I'm willing
to give it a try.
175
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:47,736
Let's do this.
176
00:06:47,773 --> 00:06:49,513
Am I getting
my five bucks back?
177
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:51,612
Oh, we'll see
how you do.
178
00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:53,844
Okay, the next
and final event,
179
00:06:53,879 --> 00:06:56,449
the 400 by 400 dash.
180
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:59,422
You all have to run across
this four hundred yard field,
181
00:06:59,451 --> 00:07:02,391
and answer questions
on these four hundred
tablet computers.
182
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,861
Who wasthe first prime ministerof Canada?
183
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:06,690
Whoever crosses
the finish line first
184
00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:08,785
wins the game
for their team!
185
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:09,958
Wait a minute.
186
00:07:09,995 --> 00:07:11,825
You had enough money
for all that,
187
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:13,634
but you couldn't afford
two separate events?
188
00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:15,726
Funny story.
For another time.
189
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:16,898
Go!
(GUNSHOT FIRES)
190
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,766
Everybody, follow me!
191
00:07:21,073 --> 00:07:22,913
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
192
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:23,742
(TABLETS BEEP)
193
00:07:26,478 --> 00:07:27,878
Leaky water main.
Veer left!
194
00:07:29,014 --> 00:07:30,314
Whoa!
195
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:35,820
Whoa!
196
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:39,991
(TABLETS BEEP)
197
00:07:44,663 --> 00:07:46,933
Mort!
No, the ground
is too unstable!
198
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,796
Fly, you fools.
(YELLS)
199
00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:49,904
Nooooo...
200
00:07:49,935 --> 00:07:51,635
You're okay.
201
00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:53,640
Don't worry about me.
Go beat those guys!
202
00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:58,082
(TABLETS BEEPING)
203
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,323
Incoming, two o'clock!
Duck and cover!
204
00:08:08,954 --> 00:08:11,524
Guys, I lost my shoe.
You're going to have
to go on without me.
205
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:13,587
You're definitely
not getting your
five dollars back.
206
00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:16,760
Well, if you can't
see the trophy,
207
00:08:16,795 --> 00:08:17,955
you're going to see
the play that earned it.
208
00:08:17,996 --> 00:08:21,596
Oh, honey, that's
not really necess...
And, here we go.
209
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:22,874
And Murphy's
intercepted the ball.
210
00:08:22,902 --> 00:08:24,502
He runs down the field
and no one can stop him.
211
00:08:24,536 --> 00:08:25,836
This may be
the best soccer playing
212
00:08:25,871 --> 00:08:27,101
that I have ever seen
from a human being
213
00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:28,839
or even from some kind
of soccer-playing robot.
214
00:08:28,874 --> 00:08:31,014
And Murphy shoots and he...
(GLASS SHATTERING)
215
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,143
(CAT YOWLING)
216
00:08:32,177 --> 00:08:33,977
(VEHICLE CRASHING)
217
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,353
And that's going
to be expensive.
218
00:08:37,816 --> 00:08:39,846
Okay, we have
to win this now
for Zack.
219
00:08:39,885 --> 00:08:41,415
Poor, poor Zack.
220
00:08:41,453 --> 00:08:43,823
I'm fine, just win
this thing already!
221
00:08:44,823 --> 00:08:45,893
(BEEPING)
222
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:47,926
(GRUNTING)
223
00:08:48,994 --> 00:08:51,064
I have returned
to the above world
224
00:08:51,096 --> 00:08:53,026
to witness this competition.
225
00:08:53,065 --> 00:08:54,795
But I must admit,
226
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,003
I was expecting
two separate events.
227
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,495
One scholastic
and one athletic.
228
00:08:58,537 --> 00:08:59,737
I know, right?
229
00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:01,072
(BEEPING)
230
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:10,451
Backstop.
231
00:09:10,482 --> 00:09:11,752
What?
(CRASHES)
232
00:09:13,118 --> 00:09:14,588
And Murphy runs
down the field
233
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:15,690
and nothing
can stop him.
234
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,821
This may be
the best Athledecamathelon
playing
235
00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:19,086
that I have ever seen
from a human being
236
00:09:19,124 --> 00:09:23,794
or even from some kind
of Athledecamathelon-playing
robot.
237
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:27,629
What is PresidentJames Garfield's blood type?
238
00:09:27,666 --> 00:09:28,826
Oh wait, I know this.
239
00:09:28,867 --> 00:09:31,697
And of course
President Garfield's
blood type was...
240
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,897
(MOWER WHIRRING)
241
00:09:33,939 --> 00:09:38,739
And, for the grand prize,What was President JamesGarfield's blood type?
242
00:09:39,611 --> 00:09:40,881
ALL: Oh!
243
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:43,453
My trivial knowledge
may seem selective.
244
00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:46,822
But James Garfield's
blood type was... Aw, man.
245
00:09:46,852 --> 00:09:47,892
Milo!
246
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,920
I just said this
five minutes ago.
247
00:09:49,955 --> 00:09:52,085
Oh, yeah.
O-Negative!
248
00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:54,894
And Athledecamathelon!
249
00:09:55,961 --> 00:09:57,161
(ALL CHEERING)
250
00:09:57,196 --> 00:09:58,656
That's our boy.
251
00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:00,027
I think we can
go home now.
252
00:10:00,065 --> 00:10:02,025
You don't want
to keep looking
for your trophy?
253
00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:04,227
Nah, I think
we have a new hero
in the family.
254
00:10:04,269 --> 00:10:07,509
Aw. You'll always
be my hero.
255
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:08,943
Ah.
256
00:10:08,974 --> 00:10:10,744
(CRASHING)
257
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,536
Time to go home.
Don't want to rain
on Milo's parade.
258
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:14,649
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
259
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,022
(SIRENS WAILING)
260
00:10:27,993 --> 00:10:29,463
♪ We're all livin' in it
261
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:33,033
♪ Go, MiloGo, Milo, go
262
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:35,665
♪ Oh, thanks, everybodyThat is so motivational
263
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,871
♪ Go, MiloGo, Milo, go
264
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,510
♪ Whoa
265
00:10:43,008 --> 00:10:44,208
♪ Whoa
266
00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:46,583
♪ I'm not sitting herewatching the world turn
267
00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:48,252
♪ You know I'd rather spin it
268
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,780
♪ Go, MiloGo, Milo, go
269
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,746
♪ It's my worldand we're all livin' in it ♪
19565
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