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CHANNEL 5 NEWS AT 5:00 WITH
YOUR HOSTS SAUL BERKMAN...
2
00:00:16,012 --> 00:00:19,002
TABBY TARNETTA...
3
00:00:19,003 --> 00:00:22,003
AND DICK DRIZZLE ON WEATHER.
4
00:00:22,003 --> 00:00:25,023
CHANNEL 5 NEWS AT 5:00 --
IT'S THE NEWSIEST.
5
00:00:25,019 --> 00:00:28,999
HEY, I'M SAUL BERKMAN, AND
WELCOME TO CHANNEL 5 NEWS
6
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5 ACTION NEWS AT 5:00.
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TABBY.
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POLICE SAY THAT THE WASHING
MACHINE --
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LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR
WEATHERMAN, DICK DRIZZLE, ON THE
10
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WEATHER.
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DICK.
12
00:00:38,013 --> 00:00:41,013
THE DIRTY SOUTH GOT AIDS,
NIGGA!
13
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[ DING! ]
[ WARBLE! ]
14
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[ ROARS ]
15
00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:52,010
♪ I LIKE CHEESE ♪
♪ I LIKE CHEESE ♪
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♪ I LIKE CHEE-- ♪
♪ I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I ♪
17
00:00:55,004 --> 00:00:57,024
♪ LI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-KE ♪
18
00:00:57,020 --> 00:01:00,020
♪ CHEESE ♪
CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE!
19
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,010
AGHHHHHHHHH! AGHHHHHHHHH!
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LOITER SQUAD.
21
00:01:03,007 --> 00:01:04,017
AGHHHHHHHHH!
22
00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:13,010
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
WE HAVE HER.
23
00:01:13,012 --> 00:01:14,012
WE'RE GOOD.
24
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,007
THE EAGLE HAS LANDED.
25
00:01:15,012 --> 00:01:19,012
[ SPY MUSIC PLAYS ]
FORMATION!
26
00:01:19,016 --> 00:01:21,006
FULL FORMATION!
27
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[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ]
YOU'RE GOOD.
28
00:01:34,021 --> 00:01:35,011
I'M RUNNING AS FAST AS I CAN.
29
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NO, WE GOT YOU.
30
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WE'RE YOUR SAFETY.
31
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WE'RE YOUR SAFETY. LET'S GO.
32
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SIR, SIR, SIR.
33
00:01:39,013 --> 00:01:40,013
CAN YOU WALK AROUND?
34
00:01:40,013 --> 00:01:41,023
COULD YOU WALK AROUND,
PLEASE?
35
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WALK AROUND.
36
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,009
THANK YOU.
37
00:01:43,014 --> 00:01:45,014
COULD YOU GUYS WALK AROUND,
PLEASE.
38
00:01:45,013 --> 00:01:46,023
WALK -- THIS WAY, RIGHT HERE.
39
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JUST AROUND THE TRUCK, PLEASE.
40
00:01:48,013 --> 00:01:48,023
THANK YOU.
41
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WALK AROUND THE POLE.
42
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JUST WALK AROUND THE POLE.
43
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NO, AROUND THIS WAY.
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AROUND THE POLE.
45
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JUST AROUND THIS WAY.
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00:01:54,008 --> 00:01:54,014
THANK YOU.
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THIS WAY.
48
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THISWAY, MA'AM.
49
00:01:57,016 --> 00:01:58,006
THANK YOU.
50
00:01:58,013 --> 00:01:59,023
WERE YOU GUYS PLANNING ON
GOING THIS WAY?
51
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:00,018
WE'RE GOING DOWN TO THE PARK.
52
00:02:00,022 --> 00:02:01,022
JUST ONE SECOND.
53
00:02:01,019 --> 00:02:03,009
LET ME JUST MAKE SURE IT'S CLEAR
FOR YOU.
54
00:02:03,008 --> 00:02:04,018
SOME SERIOUS SHIT GOING ON
RIGHT NOW.
55
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,010
YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE ANY
WEAPONS WITH YOU OR ANYTHING
56
00:02:07,014 --> 00:02:07,024
LIKE THAT?
57
00:02:07,022 --> 00:02:09,002
NEGATIVE.
58
00:02:09,002 --> 00:02:10,012
AGENT LITTLE, IT'S LOOKING
CLEAR.
59
00:02:10,015 --> 00:02:11,005
IT'S LOOKING CLEAR.
60
00:02:11,011 --> 00:02:12,011
YOU GUYS CAN GO AHEAD.
61
00:02:12,014 --> 00:02:13,014
ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE.
62
00:02:13,014 --> 00:02:14,014
THEY'RE CLEAR.
63
00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:15,010
JUST MAKE IT QUICK.
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00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:17,000
PLEASE STAY IN A SINGLE-FILE
LINE.
65
00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:18,006
YOUR SAFETY IS OUR SAFETY.
66
00:02:18,014 --> 00:02:19,014
SIR.
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HEY, SIR.
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00:02:20,023 --> 00:02:22,023
GONNA NEED TO SEE YOUR ASS.
69
00:02:22,019 --> 00:02:23,019
YEAH, YOU.
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00:02:23,023 --> 00:02:25,023
[ LAUGHS ]
DRIVE OFF! DRIVE OFF!
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00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:31,021
DRIVE OFF!
72
00:02:31,023 --> 00:02:33,023
NO! NO! NO! STOP, DUDE!
73
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:42,020
[ LAUGHTER ]
74
00:02:42,018 --> 00:02:44,998
HEY, YOU GOT THOSE KEYS?
75
00:02:52,011 --> 00:02:53,011
[ CAKE SPLATS ]
76
00:02:58,019 --> 00:03:00,009
SO, WE STILL HAVEN'T FOUND
THAT ASS.
77
00:03:00,012 --> 00:03:02,022
WE'RE STILL ON THE LOOK FOR THE
ASS.
78
00:03:02,022 --> 00:03:03,022
MACE HIM!
79
00:03:03,021 --> 00:03:04,011
GAAAAH!
80
00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:06,006
AAAAAH!
81
00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:07,000
AAAH! AAAAH!
82
00:03:07,006 --> 00:03:10,006
SPRAY THAT MOTHER FUCKING
SPRAY HIM!
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AAAAAH!
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00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,010
THIS ASS IS GOING DOWN.
85
00:03:15,015 --> 00:03:16,995
SHIT NOW!
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00:03:17,003 --> 00:03:18,023
THE DOG DOESN'T PLAY THAT.
87
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,010
OH, MY...
88
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AAAAH!
89
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[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ SQUEAK! ]
90
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:43,008
HEY, TOSS ME THAT REMOTE
CONTROL.
91
00:03:43,008 --> 00:03:45,998
LET'S CHECK IN WITH TYRONE AT
THE SPORTS SECTION.
92
00:03:46,003 --> 00:03:47,013
TYRONE. [ CHUCKLES ]
93
00:03:47,014 --> 00:03:50,014
NIGGERS A BALLIN'.
94
00:03:50,008 --> 00:03:55,018
SHIT
AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR MAN
95
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,007
ON THE STREETS, LEFT BRAIN.
96
00:04:07,001 --> 00:04:08,011
WE'RE HERE IN THE GARAGE.
97
00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:10,006
HA-CHA!
98
00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:12,997
WHAT FLOATS YOUR BOAT?
99
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,022
WHAT FLOATS MY BOAT?T?
100
00:04:16,001 --> 00:04:17,021
CATAMARAN.
101
00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:19,001
CATA-WHAT?
102
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,019
CATAMARAN.
103
00:04:20,017 --> 00:04:22,017
WHAT'S THAT?
104
00:04:22,021 --> 00:04:24,021
IT'S A BOAT.
105
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,000
OH.
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00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:26,014
SO IT'S AN ACTUAL BOAT.
107
00:04:26,014 --> 00:04:28,014
YOU RIDE BOATS?
108
00:04:28,013 --> 00:04:29,003
YEAH.
109
00:04:29,005 --> 00:04:30,995
THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.
110
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:33,995
I HAVE A BOAT BACK AT HOME.
111
00:04:35,014 --> 00:04:39,024
WHAT TICKLES YOUR PICKLE?
112
00:04:39,022 --> 00:04:44,022
ALL RIGHT.
113
00:04:44,021 --> 00:04:46,021
DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION?
114
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:49,000
YEAH.
115
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:52,021
THAT IS A RAP.
116
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:53,021
THAT'S A RAP.
117
00:04:54,001 --> 00:04:56,001
[ LAUGHS ]
[ Rapping ] IT IS A
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MOTHER FUCKING RAP.
119
00:05:01,013 --> 00:05:01,023
WE DONE.
120
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:03,011
MOTHER FUCKING RAP.
121
00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:05,010
PASS ME THE SOAP.
122
00:05:09,010 --> 00:05:10,010
WHERE'S THE SOAP?
123
00:05:19,013 --> 00:05:22,013
♪ DOES IT SMELL GOOD? ♪
124
00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:25,010
♪ TELL ME ♪
♪ MM ♪
125
00:05:25,013 --> 00:05:28,023
♪ DOES IT SMELL GOOD? ♪
♪ DOES IT SMELL LIKE SOME
126
00:05:28,018 --> 00:05:32,018
GOOD-ASS BREAKFAST? ♪
♪ DOES IT? ♪
127
00:05:32,021 --> 00:05:38,001
♪ DOES IT SMELL GOOD? ♪
♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMMMM ♪
128
00:05:38,002 --> 00:05:41,022
♪ AHHHHH ♪
♪ AHHHHH ♪
129
00:05:41,023 --> 00:05:48,013
♪ REMINDS ME OF A BREAKFAST IN
BED ♪
130
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:54,005
♪ TELL ME, DOES IT SMELL GOOD? ♪
♪ DOES IT SMELL LIKE SOME BEAN
131
00:05:54,007 --> 00:05:57,007
BURRITO? ♪
♪ I GOT TO FART ♪
132
00:05:57,015 --> 00:05:58,005
♪ LETTIN' IT OUT ♪
[ FARTS ]
133
00:05:58,010 --> 00:06:00,020
WHY DID YOU DO THAT, JASPER?
134
00:06:00,023 --> 00:06:05,013
♪ OH, HOW DOES IT FEEL? ♪
♪ DOES IT FEEL GOOD? ♪
135
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:08,016
[ CHUCKLES ]
♪ TELL ME, HOW -- ♪
136
00:06:08,022 --> 00:06:12,022
[ SNIFFS ] OOH SHIT
IT GOT IN MY MOUTH.
137
00:06:12,022 --> 00:06:19,002
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT HAPPENED?
138
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,013
HE JUST SHIT ON HIMSELF.
139
00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:22,015
ANNIE, ARE YOU GONNA THROW
UP?
140
00:06:23,001 --> 00:06:24,011
YEAH.
141
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,018
SHUT UP.
142
00:06:26,001 --> 00:06:27,021
[ LAUGHS ]
143
00:06:33,016 --> 00:06:35,006
PASS ME THE SUNSCREEN.
144
00:06:41,005 --> 00:06:42,995
[ BURPING ]
145
00:06:51,004 --> 00:06:53,004
WHAT FLOATS YOUR BOAT?
146
00:06:53,004 --> 00:06:57,004
WELL, CURRENTLY, I'VE BEEN
REALLY INTO M-THEORY CONCERNING
147
00:06:57,006 --> 00:06:58,006
THE EXPANSION OF THE UNIVERSE.
148
00:06:58,013 --> 00:07:04,013
SO, I'M REALLY INTERESTED IN HOW
GRAVITY IS ACTUALLY CONTRACTING
149
00:07:04,013 --> 00:07:08,013
THE UNIVERSE AND EXPANDING AT AN
INCREMENTAL RATE AS OPPOSED TO
150
00:07:08,016 --> 00:07:09,996
FALLING IN ON ITSELF.
151
00:07:10,009 --> 00:07:13,999
SO, I'VE BEEN REALLY INTO SOME
OF THESE NEW THEORIES COMING
152
00:07:14,006 --> 00:07:14,016
OUT.
153
00:07:14,019 --> 00:07:16,019
SUPERSTRING, M-THEORY.
154
00:07:16,022 --> 00:07:17,022
CHECK THEM OUT.
155
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,020
[ SIREN CHIRPS ]
OH SHIT I'M OUT ON HERE.
156
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,021
[ SIREN WAILING ]
157
00:07:28,022 --> 00:07:30,002
OH SHIT WHY
OHH.
158
00:07:30,002 --> 00:07:31,022
[ COUGHS ]
OH.
159
00:07:40,005 --> 00:07:41,015
I DON'T KNOW.
160
00:07:41,019 --> 00:07:42,999
OH.
161
00:07:43,002 --> 00:07:47,002
[ LAUGHS ]
OH.
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00:07:47,003 --> 00:07:49,003
LET ME HIT THAT, MAN.
163
00:07:52,022 --> 00:07:56,012
SO, WE GOT A TIP-OFF SAYING
THAT THE ASS IS IN THIS AREA.
164
00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:57,008
HOPEFULLY WE CAN FIND IT.
165
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,010
I'M NOT SURE WHERE IT'S AT, BUT
WE'LL FIND IT.
166
00:07:58,013 --> 00:08:00,023
YEAH, DAD. YOU GET 'EM.
167
00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,022
WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
168
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,013
OH, DAD. IT'S THE ASS.
169
00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:05,024
WHAT? GET HIM!
170
00:08:05,022 --> 00:08:08,012
GET HIM, DAD!
171
00:08:08,007 --> 00:08:09,007
I GOT YOU!
172
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:11,010
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND YOU.
173
00:08:11,007 --> 00:08:17,017
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
174
00:08:17,022 --> 00:08:19,022
CUFF THIS ASS.
175
00:08:19,018 --> 00:08:21,008
LISTEN.
176
00:08:21,008 --> 00:08:22,018
HERE. TAKE A SMOKE.
177
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:25,023
LEVEL WITH THE DOG.
178
00:08:25,018 --> 00:08:28,998
I SEE YOU HAVE SO MUCH
POTENTIAL, KID.
179
00:08:29,004 --> 00:08:31,024
I JUST WANT YOU TO GROW UP AND
BE SOME BOOTY.
180
00:08:31,019 --> 00:08:33,019
[ FARTS ]
WHAT WAS THAT?
181
00:08:33,019 --> 00:08:34,999
[ FARTS ]
YOU KNOW WHAT?
182
00:08:35,002 --> 00:08:35,022
JUST GET IN THE CAR.
183
00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:36,020
YOU KNOW -- YOU DON'T LISTEN.
184
00:08:36,023 --> 00:08:38,013
GIVE ME YOUR -- GIVE ME YOUR
CIGARETTE.
185
00:08:38,011 --> 00:08:38,021
YOU'RE DONE.
186
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,008
YEAH! GET HIM, BABY!
187
00:08:41,015 --> 00:08:42,005
TACKLE HIM! GET HIM, BABY!
188
00:08:43,018 --> 00:08:44,018
MACE HIM, BABY!
189
00:08:44,020 --> 00:08:45,020
THROW ME THE MACE.
190
00:08:45,023 --> 00:08:48,003
HERE, BABY.
191
00:08:48,006 --> 00:08:49,996
[ GROANING ]
HEY, THIS IS A VIDEO RESPONSE
192
00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:56,013
TO THE BOOTY HUNTER'S KID.
193
00:08:56,014 --> 00:08:57,014
FAIL.
194
00:08:57,014 --> 00:09:00,024
YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY NOW TO MAKE
FUN OF IT?
195
00:09:00,023 --> 00:09:02,013
YOU HIPSTERS ARE CRAZY.
196
00:09:02,007 --> 00:09:04,007
I'VE BEEN MAKING FUN OF THAT
SHOW.
197
00:09:04,008 --> 00:09:05,998
GET WITH THE TIMES, DWEEBS.
198
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:08,004
DWEEBS. UNH. UNH.
199
00:09:08,007 --> 00:09:09,997
[ MOUSE CLICKS ]
I'M HERE WITH LUCAS.
200
00:09:16,009 --> 00:09:17,019
I'M HERE WITH LIONEL.
201
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:19,020
AND THIS IS CALLED THE COOKIE
GAME.
202
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,000
THE OBJECTIVE IS THEY HAVE TO
LICK THE CREAM OFF.
203
00:09:23,004 --> 00:09:25,014
WHOEVER DOES IT THE FASTEST
WINS.
204
00:09:25,012 --> 00:09:28,002
WHOEVER LOSES HAS TO SUCK
LANCE'S TOE.
205
00:09:29,011 --> 00:09:30,011
FOR FIVE SECONDS.
206
00:09:30,012 --> 00:09:32,022
LET ME SEE THIS REAL QUICK
JUST SO THEY CAN SEE.
207
00:09:32,019 --> 00:09:33,019
THAT'S LANCE.
208
00:09:33,020 --> 00:09:37,000
AND THEY HAVE TO SUCK THIS GUY'S
TOE.
209
00:09:37,004 --> 00:09:39,004
READY...
210
00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:41,003
SET...
211
00:09:41,005 --> 00:09:42,995
GO.
212
00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:46,024
YOU GOT TO KEEP GOING,
DUMBASS.
213
00:09:47,001 --> 00:09:48,021
OH, HE WON!
214
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:50,000
NAH, IT HAS TO BE ALL BLACK.
215
00:09:50,005 --> 00:09:50,015
WHITE.
216
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:51,020
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE WHITE.
217
00:09:52,001 --> 00:09:53,021
OH SHIT DON'T SEE ANY WHITE
ON MINE.
218
00:09:53,021 --> 00:09:55,021
MINE'S DONE. THAT'S DONE.
219
00:09:55,017 --> 00:09:56,007
THAT'S DONE.
220
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,012
YOU SUCK. WHAT THE FUCK
[ LAUGHS ]
221
00:09:57,016 --> 00:09:59,016
WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING?
222
00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:03,001
DUDE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DIG
INTO IT.
223
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:06,013
[ ALL TALKING ]
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
224
00:10:06,016 --> 00:10:08,016
THAT'S A BIG TOE!
225
00:10:08,021 --> 00:10:11,021
YOU ALREADY AGREED TO THE BIG
TOE BEFORE WE STARTED.
226
00:10:11,022 --> 00:10:16,012
[ LAUGHTER ]
DAMN! OH, MY GOD!
227
00:10:16,008 --> 00:10:18,008
AAAAAH!
228
00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:21,010
AND NOW YOU GOTTA DO IT.
229
00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:22,002
WHICH ONE IS IT GONNA BE?
230
00:10:22,002 --> 00:10:22,022
YOU GOT A LOT OF OPTIONS.
231
00:10:22,023 --> 00:10:25,013
I'M THINKING ABOUT DOING THE
INDEX TOE.
232
00:10:25,010 --> 00:10:26,010
FOR FIVE SECONDS.
233
00:10:26,007 --> 00:10:27,017
I WILL.
234
00:10:27,023 --> 00:10:28,023
GO.
235
00:10:28,021 --> 00:10:31,001
ALL THE WAY IN.
236
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:34,016
TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE.
237
00:10:35,004 --> 00:10:39,024
[ LAUGHTER ]
DON'T SPIT OVER HERE.
238
00:10:39,017 --> 00:10:44,997
[ GAGS ]
DON'T SPIT OVER HERE.
239
00:10:45,005 --> 00:10:46,995
HEY, YOU GOT THOSE KEYS?
240
00:10:47,006 --> 00:10:48,996
OH FUCK FAIL.
241
00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:50,013
YOU SUCK
242
00:10:50,009 --> 00:10:53,009
♪ MY VAGINA ♪
♪ YOUR DICK ♪
243
00:10:53,011 --> 00:10:55,011
[ LAUGHS ]
15547
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