Original subtitles

Ah-hyuck!

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

♪ You're always number one ♪

[both] Yes!

♪ There's buddies There's pals ♪

Yeah!

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Whoa!

♪ A real good time ♪

Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

♪ Now gimme a beat ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

Gawrsh!

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

[dog barking]

One... two... wash the window--

Three... four... wash it some more--

Five... Nine... give it a shine.

Think I missed a digit there.

[Peg] Pete! Garbage day!

Are you hiding on the roof again?

No, hon. I already left for work.

Oops.

[Peg] Goofy, tell Pete to come down here right now.

Gee, Peg, I heard he was at... work!

[yowling]

Whoo-oo-aahh!

Whoa!

[crash]

[coughs]

Yes, dear? You called?

Oh, Peter,

why can't you be more helpful around the house like Goofy?

Ah-hyuck! Windows are so clean,

You can practically see through 'em.

[strains] But, snookums, I--

Don't "but, snookums" me

until you start helping out around here.

Oh, my slightly used Sputnik-2 satellite dish,

ruinated beyond recognition!

[crash]

[coughs]

Pete?

Guess he got tired of waitin'.

[Pete] Get offa me!

Are you tryin' to make me look bad in front of the wife?

Oh, no, Petey.

You was doin' just fine by yourself.

I was just honin' my household skills

for the Mrs. Spoonerville Society

Semi-Biannual Househelper contest.

Sheesh. Only a downright total bonehead

would enter a complete waste of time like that.

You've got a point there.

Competition could be tough.

What's the grand prize, Goof,

a new pair of tweezers? Ha ha ha!

That was last year.

This time, it's a combination

weed whacker/salad maker/ nose hair trimmer

and $3,000--

Oh, yeah. Everybody needs a combination weed salad/nose whackin'--

Three thousand dollars?

Did you say $3,000?

Oh, I think so, but I wasn't really listening.

Three thousand bucks would buy me

a brand-new, deluxe, 350 channel, all-world,

intergalactic satellite dish

with can opener.

[clatter]

Goose feathers, what do you think you're doing?

Oh, just tryin' to help out around the house, puddin'.

[strains] Crumfritterin' sheets got too much starch in 'em.

[snap]

Pete, there are two ways to make up a bed--

A right way...

and your way.

I mean, there's an art to it, you know?

And you can teach me that art,

can't you, my little Pegcasso?

Take me by yer homemakin' hand.

Show me the ropes of residential regulation.

Domesticate me up something fierce, hon.

Won't you be my guide to good housekeepin'? Hmm?

OK, what do you want?

Want? Oh, why, I don't want anythin'

e to grow as a human being and win that contest.

Contest? What contest?

Mrs. Spoonerville Society's Househelper contest.

[laughs]

You? Ha ha ha! Pete? Ha ha ha ha ha!

Mrs. Spoonerville? Ha ha ha!

Househelper? Ha ha ha!

Don't make me laugh.

Awful nice, you're bein' so supportive.

Oh, please, Pete.

You have two chances of winning that contest--

Slim and none, and slim just left town.

Fine. I'll teach myself.

How hard can it be anyway?

Oh! About as hard as your head.

But please, have at it.

And if you need any help at all,

don't bother calling!

-[door slams] -Huh.

Doesn't think I can hack it, huh?

I'll show her. I'll show them all!

I'll win that contest.

Yes, I am Mrs. Spoonerville.

Hear me roar!

Hmm. Only one hole.

I think I'm gettin' the hang of this.

No offense, Peej,

but your mom's really lettin' herself go.

That's my dad.

He entered the Mrs. Spoonerville contest.

But he can't even fold a towel.

Don't remind me, Max.

Now, my pop's awesome around the house.

He's gonna clean up at the contest.

[humming]

Fly, little shirt. Ah-hyuck!

-[Max] Dad! -Huh?

[thud]

Had an uncle who could do this,

and he had a rewarding and brief career in the circus.

[strains]

[clang]

[pants] Pop, I think you got a problem.

[strains]

Oh, nothin' a good hacksaw won't fix.

I don't mean the ironing board.

I mean P.J.'s dad.

He entered the contest, too,

and he's doing some serious training next door.

Whoa-oa-oa!

Uh-oh. I sure wouldn't wanna lose out

on that weed whacker/ salad maker/ nose hair trimmer.

Got real plans for that baby.

Guess I'm gonna hafta knuckle under and train harder.

If Pete wants to win,

he's gonna hafta walk all over me.

[crash]

♪ This is the way Pete kneads the dough ♪

♪ kneads the dough ♪

♪ Need to knead the dough ♪

Oh... What I need is a break.

Morning, Mrs.-- Oh! Uh... Mr. P.

Can I borrow a cup of sugar?

[coughing]

Can't you see I'm bakin'?

As long as I'm here, maybe some flour,

chocolate chips, peanut butter,

marshmallows, rice cakes, and a pack of bubble gum.

Dad's makin' triple ripple peanut butter

upside-down marshmallow cakes for the contest.

He's moochin' my condiments for the contest?

Um, cherry pit, how much yeast did you put in that dough?

Just a pint. It says right here--

Oh, I guess that says "pinch."

[gasps]

Yeah, well...

I thought I'd make enough to last the winter

because you never know

when they might start rationing the stuff again.

[explosion]

Whatever you were thinkin' of sayin',

Don't say it.

Doin' the dishes and the clothes

saves time, saves water, saves soap. Ah-hyuck!

Only I could think of something like this.

Ah-hyuck!

Yessiree,

I'm not half as dumb as I look.

Hmm. Guess I shoulda read the mop instructions first.

There. She's all--

Now what kind of nincompoop architect

would go and put the door over there?

[snoring]

Ah-hyuck.

Musta been sleep-moppin' again.

Ah. Dry at last.

Aah!

Heh heh. Not bad for a used car salesman.

Aah!

[metal clanking]

How'd that go now?

Knit one... pearl bailey...

No. Knit one...

[mumbling] pit bull, curl three,

take two, they're small,

pick five, one a--

There!

A boat warmer!

Heh heh. I think I'll sneak a peek

at how the competition's comin' along.

[humming]

Ooh.

The goof's not half-bad.

Why, he's not bad at all.

And that's real bad. Very, very real bad.

Shucks! Almost had it that time.

Whoa!

Slippery little--

Whoopsy!

How am I ever going to win that 3,000

against the likes of that happy homemaker?

If I didn't know better, I'd almost think I knew what I was doin'.

Ah-hyuck!

[crash]

"Contest rules and irregulations"?

What now? "No chewin', coughin',

spittin', hittin', sittin', or loud noises live on stage.

All related relatives need relative badges.

Nonrelated relatives must have the theory of relativity memorized.

All related relatives related to compulsory home prejudging

will be--" Compulsory what?

"Judges will prejudge all contestants

in their homes the day before the contest

in"-- [gasps]

I'm doomed.

I've gotta vacuum the ceilin',

shovel the dishes, spackle the dog.

-I got to-- -Pete, can you hear me?

Linseed oil. Of course.

I forgot to polish the toothpicks and--

You're going about this all wrong.

Pete, you know, winning this contest isn't everything.

Oh, [sttamers] but it is everything and more!

Why, it's my destiny!

You gotta help me, Peg. Please, you got to help me.

You got to help me. Please, please, please don't make me beg.

You are begging.

Well, then don't make me beg any more than I have to.

Well, all right, but it won't be easy.

You'll have to do what I tell you,

how I tell you, and when I tell you.

I will, oh, I will.

I'm putty in yer domesticatin' hands.

Ha ha. I think I'm going to enjoy this.

[blows whistle]

All right, listen up! Let's do it.

We're fast approaching zero hour to judgment day,

and there's still work to be done.

Do you read?

Yes, sir-- ma'am-- sir-- madam-- person.

There's chores to be done, errands to be run,

and we've only just begun!

[Pete] Dog groomed, laundry cleaned,

car waxed, groceries brought.

[Pistol] Leave me alone! Leave me alone! I've got rights!

I'm a citizen!

What in the name of breck shampoo--

All right, everybody freeze!

What do you think yer doing?

Just playin', Daddykins,

like kids our age play,

so if you don't mind...

This place looks like a disaster hit by a tornado in a war zone!

And the judges will be here in...

Aah! Twenty-five seconds!

All right. Straighten the furniture!

Pick up the toys! Go! Go! Go!

Oh! Ha ha. Where have you been? [chuckle]

Me? Where were you

while my perfectly clean house

was being turned into a total mess?

This isn't a mess.

Wait till you see the kitchen. That's a mess.

This is nothing.

-[doorbell rings] -[gasp]

P.J., pistol, come here.

You two keep tidyin' up, see?

I'll take care of everything.

And make sure you be quiet about it

because Daddy's gotta impress the judges. Ha ha ha.

Well, hello there. Come in.

And let me say what a truly profound honor it is to--

Please, sir. Save the butter for your popcorn.

Let's just begin, shall we?

Simple, clean, neat, average.

Average?

Ma'am, it really is a pleasure to make--

Excuse me! Comin' through! Move it to one side!

Hot water! Watch your backs!

Sir, child labor is not encouraged in the home.

You are the helper, not your children.

No! Oh, she wants to help!

I-- I can't talk her out of it.

Yeah. The wife says it's because I set such a good example,

you know, inspiratin' her the way I do.

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, where's that 50 you promised me if--

[muffled]

Ha ha! She means, uh,

fifty big, fat smooches on the cheek

for Daddy's little girl.

Smooch, smooch, smooch, smooch, smooch, smooch.

Ha ha. Ain't she cute? Ha ha ha!

I most certainly do not mean

big, fat smooches.

I mean big, fat dollar bills,

so you better cough it up right now,

or I'm gonna-- whoop!

You should study your neighbor Mr. Goofy.

He manages his household

without infringing upon his child's formative years.

But you haven't seen my lustrous linoleum

or my codfish casserole!

Or this coupon for 10% off on your next RVpurchase!

Mr. Goofy. Goofy, Goofy, Goofy.

I'll never beat that goof fair and square,

but victory hasn't slipped through my wits yet.

It's time for a little drastical action--

Something simple, clean, neat.

I'll cheat.

Gotta get my beauty sleep,

else I'm gonna have luggage under my eyes.

Now for a little creative performance enhancement,

also known as sabotage.

I'm gonna really fix that goof's wagon.

Aah!

[crash]

Sounds like creepy crawly creatures in the garage again.

Good thing I put out my extra-big trap.

-[snap] -[Pete] Yeow!

[crash]

Guess that did the trick. Ah-hyuck!

[yawns]

I'm gonna beat that goof no matter what.

Scam the torpedoes! Full greed ahead!

[applause]

[man] Thank you. Thank you.

Well, good evening, ladles and tablespoons.

Just a little household humor there. Ha ha.

Welcome to the Mrs. SpoonervilleSociety's

Househelper contest.

Thank you.

Please put your hands together for our special contestants--

Mr. Goofy...

[applause]

-Whoop! -[thud]

Mr. Pete...

Mr. Butler, Cook, and Shein.

Hmm...sounds like a law firm.

Or a cleanin' staff.

Now, then, our first event

is the ancient househelper art of serving tea.

[Pete] look at that, would you?

No style, no form, no flourish.

It's guys like him give tea servin' a bad name.

Pardonnez-moi, madame.

A little something to catch yer drool.

Oh, puh-lease!

Aah!

Nice and warm, like a baby's bath water.

For you, pookens.

[both] Aah!

Out! Off! Gone!

I do not like the way this is goin'.

[humming]

It's going to start goin' better any minute now.

Ha ha ha!

Whoa! Whaah!

Yow!

[applause]

Oh, very clever.

Mmm. Delightful.

Now, folks, I know you'll really take a shine

to our next event. Ha ha ha!

I'm talkin' about floor polishing!

Give ya a hand there, Goofer?

Whoa-aah-ah-ha!

Mm-hmm!

Uh-oh.

[crash]

[sniffs] oh, my.

Smells like our next event is already underway, folks,

as our contestants cook a specialty.

Oh, that's delightful.

[both] Mmm! Mmm!

My famous chili is not for the faint of stomach.

[bubbling]

Good, isn't it?

He'll never get it in gear this way.

Ha ha ha!

Whoa, nellie!

[both] Mm! Mm!

And we'll be right back after these words

ffrom our sponsor-- Nipsy Wipsy Cat Food.

I've gotta do somethin'

to eliminate a little competition.

Hey, pal, you just won Mr. Congeniality.

They're givin' the award in here!

Say, bub, there's a phone call for ya.

Oh, jeeves, my good man,

couple of guys wanna talk to ya.

[crash]

Now it's just me and the goof.

And I can beat him with one ham behind my back.

Uh, it seems three of our contestants

have left the building, thank you very much,

thereby forfeiting their chance to win.

But we'll just carry on with our two remaining entrants

in our final competition, the muffin bake-off.

Butterfingers, me.

Ain't it amazin' how much flour looks like cement?

[yelling]

Quit showin' off, ya goof!

-[thud] -[crowd gasps]

Oh, my gawrsh!

[straining]

Aah.

Due to Mr. Goofy being disqualified

for assault with a deadly baked good,

our grand prize winner is Mr. Pete!

Congratulations, Petey! Ah-hyuck!

[cries in joy]

This is the happiest day of my life.

Mr. Pete, here's your lovely weed whacker/ salad maker/ nose hair trimmer

and this check for...

Three thousand dollars...

"worth of Nipsy Wipsy Cat Food"?

Cat food? Wait a minute!

We don't even have a cat!

What a coinkidink! I do, Petey.

But... but... but... but...

But... but... but... but...

But... but... but... but...

But nothing. You are this year's Mrs. Spoonerville,

and you have 364 more beautiful housecleaning days

-left in your reign. -[Pete] But--

[Peg] Oh! You look so cute in that apron.

Aah!

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

[theme music playing]

Yeah!