Original subtitles

Ah-hyuck!

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

♪ You're always number one ♪

Yes!

♪ There's buddies, there's pals ♪

Yeah!

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Woah!

♪ A real good time ♪

Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

-♪ Now gimme a beat ♪ -♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

Gawrsh!

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

[grunting]

-[engine sputters] -Whoa!

[Pete] P.J.!

How's that lawn coming?

Man. You'd think Saturday afternoon

a kid could get a break, right, but no!

Step on it!

Them clogged rain gutters are waiting!

[sputtering]

Why you--

Ah, the Minx Mansion.

What I couldn't do with commission on a castle like that.

I'd buy Pistol that doll factory she's always wanted,

a video arcade for P.J.,

and for Pete-- a boat,

a really big boat.

[crash]

[Pete] Ratchet muffin,

have you seen my lug nuts?

The Titanic.

Check under your sprocket wrench collection, darling.

[telephone rings]

Peg-o-My-Heart Realty. Good afternoon.

[chatter]

-You're interested in which house? -[chatter]

The Minx Mansion?

Oh, it's fabulous!

Oh, wonderful!

Yes, I'll meet you there in 15 minutes.

All right. Mmm. Bye-bye.

Yes!

♪ Mom's in the money ♪

♪ Mom's in the money ♪

Oh, well, I'm off to work, P.J.!

And when I get home,

I've got a big surprise for you!

See. Bolt "b" into hole "c,"

tighten with wrench "d."

Sweetie Petey! I'm off to sell the Taj Mahal!

Mmm! Big kiss!

And I'm bringing home a big surprise for you!

Fine. Make mine pepperoni.

Put tab "g" in slot "z."

Only seven more summers till I'm grown up and free of this grind.

That's 366 weeks...

2,556 days...

[Pete] You done with your chores yet, P.J.?

Oh, yeah, almost, Dad! "Scrub pool with toothbrush

and pick dog hairs out of carpet with tweezers."

Aw, no!

"Play with Pistol?" Oh, man, look at me.

A feudal serf cleverly disguised as the family son.

Thank you very much. Would you like it, sir,

Over there? Sure, I can do that.

Whee!

Isn't playing circus the mostest fun ever?

Right up there with degunking the gutters, babe.

-Oops. -[rip]

Kind of getting big, aren't we?

OK! Nix the circus.

How about a good old tea party?

Oh, could we?

Mmm. How about a game of Dolly, Dolly, who's got the Dolly?

Sure.

Oh, you know, bro?

You were a lot more fun when you were a lot littler.

You mean I'm too big to play with anymore, is that what you mean?

Yeah. What I really need is a little brother,

a really little brother.

Hey, spiffy idea, Pistol.

You know, maybe if you ask Dad really nice,

you can have one.

Yeah! Thanks, Peej!

Yes! OK, one down...

Oh. 50 to go.

"Triple wax the car, repaint the fence, spit-polish the shingles." Save me.

Put crib friggets in slot "z."

There's no slot "z."

Daddy...

Don't want to bug you.

It's just a small request,

but, um... can I have a baby brother, please?

Yeah, candy, ice cream, baby brother, anything,

As soon as your mother gets home.

-Honest, Daddy? You promise? -Yeah, absolutely promise, sure, yeah.

Thanks, Daddy!

Aah!

Oh!

Take a break, big boy. You're off the hook with me.

Dad says I'm getting a little brother.

What? Come on, it's a joke, right?

Nuh-uh! He promised.

Said soon as Mom gets home, I'm in baby brother city.

[Peg] And when I get home, I've got a big surprise for you!

Man, she doesn't kid around.

Hey, that means there's gonna be some other slob to play with you!

Yeah, a little slob.

Someone to give half my chore list to.

Heck, someone to give my whole chore list to!

Yahoo!

Max, Max, wait'll you hear this, man!

Your folks are finally letting you go to the Brass Knuckleheads concert.

Small time, bro.

They are giving me a first class ticket to freedom!

Check it out. A little brother!

For real?

Yep. No more sweat and strain for this dude, thank you very much.

Let my brother slime himself with chores every weekend.

Way cool!

Wait a minute. Way uncool.

OK, now, which one of my chores should I give him first?

-Triple waxing the car? -Peej--

-Degreasing the driveway? -P.J.--

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Picking dog hairs out of the carpet with tweezers!

-Peej! -What?

[gulps]

Freddie f-f-finklestein.

Yeah, so what about Freddie F...

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah!

Thought he had it made in the shade, too,

Till the bundle of joy boy showed up.

I remember.

That baby took center stage with his folks.

Like he was Elvis or something.

And all of a sudden Freddie was a zero.

Max, what if my brother turns out to be

a good little dog hair picking car waxer?

What if Dad likes him better than me?

I mean, Pistol already does,

and she hasn't even seen him yet.

I could be...

Aced out, just like Freddie.

A has-been at 11.

You'll only get half of the Christmas presents.

I'll have to share my room!

No!

Who sweats his brains out mowing the lawn?

Well, me.

Who spends every weekend pulling weeds, and washing windows?

Me!

Who takes out the trash?

Who degunks the gutters?

Who adores his daddy and worships his mother?

Me, me, me!

You, you, you--

A little boy from a little town,

just trying to do his chores.

So are you gonna let some dweeb in diapers show you up?

No, sir!

Gonna let your dad think

come baby-come-lately can pull more weeds than you?

No, sir!

Then get out there and stake your claim as number one son!

Ya-hah!

-Ya-hoo! -Ya-hah!

[Pete] Anybody seen my socket wrench?

Here he comes. If this doesn't impress him,

nothing will.

Ta-da!

Excuse me, Father, but you'll notice that I washed the--

Yeah, great. Where's my drill press?

Dad, hey, Dad, look what I--

[Pete] P.J.! Have you seen where I put my captain's hat?

[sighs] What's a guy got to do around here

to prove he's top banana?

Never seen so much hard work from one kid in my whole life.

That's what I call earning your allowance, P.J.

No, Dad, he's gotta do it.

They got a new baby coming and--

Gawrsh, you mean there's going to be the pitter-patter of another Pete?

Oh, P.J., that's swell of you,

getting the place all spiffed up for the new arrival.

I gotta go congratulate the papa.

No, Dad! See-- Ohh.

Congratulations on the new little addition, Dad.

Don't! Don't touch her!

She isn't ready yet.

You know your baby's a she?

All boats are shes.

Oh, no. I mean the baby that Peg's having.

Was that boat polish in my ears, or did you say Peg's having a baby?

Hm. Mean she forgot to tell you?

Well, I guess with all the excitement and everything--

Makes sense. Oh, now I remember.

She said she was bringing home a big sur...

A baby? A baby! Quick!

Paint the house. Pull the weeds.

Get everything cleaned up!

Your mom's coming home with a baby!

You were right.

Kid's already king of the hill.

And me...

Pond scum.

A baby. A baby! Why doesn't anybody tell me these things?

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

What else? You feed him and burp him,

and sing him a lullaby,

and put him to sleep in the nursery.

Yeah, that's right.

We don't have a nursery!

Well, maybe you can build one before Peg gets home.

G-g-great idea!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here! Hold these,

Some of these.

Hold everything! I'll be right back.

You know... Maybe we're targeting the wrong audience.

Eighty-five gallons of sweat later you tell me this?

Peejster, sweetie baby,

seems to me Pistol's the one who wanted the new bro.

-So? -So, what if it proved

you're the number one box-office attraction in her G-rated life?

Max.

You are gonna be all the playmate Pistol ever wants.

Oh, not again, Max.

You are gonna stake out your brotherly territory,

if it kills you.

Thanks, P.J..

We haven't played The Spider and The Fly in days!

Help me!

Whee!

I've got you in my web!

Whoa!

[babbling]

[laughing]

That's so fun!

Let's do it again! Let's do it again!

I can't take anymore!

I tried so hard,

but I give up!

I'll even join the foreign legion.

Hey, Peej, Peej, what's wrong?

He's a broken boy,

that's what's wrong.

Given you the best years of his life,

and look at him now.

Can't you see he's only mortal?

If you poke him with crayons, will he not bleed?

He's trying to be the best brother in the world,

but do you care? No!

Soon as baby gets here, you'll toss him away like used kleenex.

Oh, the shame of it.

There, there, Peej,

I still love you.

Heck, the baby might not even be a boy.

It might be a girl.

A girl?

Never thought of that.

Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Yay! Yay!

Thank you. Thank you!

Uh-oh.

-Pistol. -Do you know what you're saying?

What if Mom and Dad like her better than you?

The kid'll swipe your best toys.

Mom may never french braid your hair again.

You could end up in the basement with the spiders, mold and fungus.

Baloney!

When it comes to babes, I'm numero uno around here.

[mumbling]

Hey, what's the deal?

Remodeling the room for baby.

Got some swell ideas for the little darlin'.

I've been boning up on dr. Liverwurst's Psychology of nursery decor.

B-b-b-but where am I going to be?

Think your dad said something about sharing P.J.'s room.

[both] Me... and you?

Hey, Petey, Dr. Liverwurst here says

the color can raise your baby's IQ 140 points.

Your kid's going to be a rocket scientist.

We're doomed.

Kiss half your Christmas presents goodbye.

Hmm. And I was extra special good this year, too.

Wait a minute!

Are we gonna let some two-bit, no-talent diaper soiler

cramp our lifestyles?

Probably.

Come on, Peej. We got to convince Dad we're all the kids he needs.

You guys with me?

[P.J. and Max] With you! Yeah!

[screaming]

[doorbell rings]

Huh?

Here. Hold this down till I get back.

Okey-dokey, Petey!

Hmmm.

What?

"Snooky-wookums, the baby came a little early,

and I had to close a deal?

Put our bundle of joy in the nursery till I get home. Love and kisses, Peg."

Aww, isn't that sweet?

Don't need a baby. Got one coming. Thanks anyway.

Aah!

[gurgling]

When Peg said a big surprise,

She wasn't kidding.

A baby! A baby!

Oh, cute little bugger, isn't he?

Ow!

Aw, sort of reminds me of P.J.

back when he was cute.

Kootchie-coo!

Ow!

Uh-oh. He must be hungry.

Uh, yeah!

Why don't we rustle him up some chow?

Is da wittle baby hungry?

Ha ha.

Dada get da baby a nice big bottle.

[Goofy] Ow! Hoo hoo!

Here, give him a bottle. Goof?

Whoa!

Aah!

Whoa!

[Pete] Come back here!

Dad, Dad, come quick! It's baby!

Oh, no, I can't believe it. This ain't my day.

[belches]

Now, now,

it's not nice to eat Daddy's private stock of frozen pizza.

Dada take his baby outside to play.

[laughs]

[Goofy] Hey, stop, stop!

[crash]

Whoa--whoa--whoa!

Whoa--whoa--whoa!

Whew! Thanks, Pe--

Aah!

I can't believe what a rotten, lousy day I'm having.

Well, congratulations, Dad.

You got a bouncing baby boy.

[Max] Mr. P.,

baby's playing with your satellite dish!

Aah!

Whoa!

[crash]

I am so glad you got me a baby brother, Daddy.

Thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you!

Yeah, yeah, sweetie. You're welcome, I guess. I don't know.

Come down here!

Whee! [laughing]

For crying out sakes, what's with that kid?

P.J. was never this bad.

Isn't he wonderful?

Isn't he swell?

Wasn't having him such a good idea?

No prob, Peej. I'll tell him.

Mr. Pete, P.J.'s at the store

getting a year's supply of diapers, formula, and baby powder.

You wanna come down and pay for it,

or should he ask Peg for the 1,270 bucks?

1,270 bu...

Peg! She'll get home before the nursery's finished!

Oh, watch the kid. Watch the kid!

[muttering]

-Fix the hole. -[Goofy yelling]

[Goofy] Ooh--ow--eeh--ow--aah!

[Max] Mr. Pete, the baby's taking the engine out of your car!

Bad move, baby. Bad move.

[crying]

This is just what I need!

You know, Dr. Liverwurst says early signs of mechanical aptitude

ought to be encouraged in a baby.

Watch where you're going, you...

[muttering]

Is he coming yet?

Are you kiddin'?

Nautical bent, huh?

Aw, takes after his dad.

I hope he's not like my boat.

[babbling]

Don't touch that!

[babbling]

[engine starts]

[both yelling]

Oh, birdie.

[crashing]

[both yelling]

[screaming]

Ahh! This younger generation.

What's a parent to do?

Dad, wake up.

Oh!

Ohh!

Huh?

I told you not to touch her! I told you she wasn't ready yet!

She? Isn't your baby a he?

[gasps] Baby.

Where's the baby?

Baby?

What baby?

The big surprise Peg had.

The--the big... surprise.

There, there, Daddy.

You were just having a dream.

You mean a nightmare,

But it was so--so real,

And you...

And you and you were there.

But it's all right now.

I'm back in my own garage.

And--and these are my own kids--

Two best kids in the world

are plenty for me.

[both] Thanks, Dad.

[Peg] Petey-pie! Kids!

Here's that big surprise I promised.

[babbling]

Aah!

Help!

[gulp]

What's eating him?

Here I race home to say I landed that big sale

and we're all headed to Hawaii for the rest of our lives,

well, at least for a couple of weeks,

and he acts like I've got a disease.

See? We're booked at the Kona-Mona Hoola-Hoola Poi-Poi.

And--

[kids] Mom!

Yes, oh, isn't it exciting?

[babbling]

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

[theme music playing]

Yeah!