Original subtitles

-(beep) -Morning, Wratherheads!

-(screams) -That's Cami's way of saying

it's the last day of school.

-(screams) -(laughs)

That means we're leaving for our summer vacation

-to the lake tomorrow. -Ew...

Not sure what that means.

I just remembered I have to spend six hours in a car

-with Ollie's tinkle jar. -Ollie: Um...

it's everyone's jar.

So, here's today's question.

Would you rather play beach volleyball with a walrus?

-(tuba music playing) -(walrus grunting)

(sighs) You're not even trying.

Or would you rather go water skiing in alligator- infested waters?

(surf rock playing)

(splashing)

-Check us out! -Whoa! Almost wiped out!

Spin move!

Nailed it.

-(beep) -And you guys vote water ski!

Wrather formation in three, two, one.

(all cheering)

-(laughter) -Let's go! It is a school day!

The time you kids spend on this silliness is unbelievable. I mean, really.

(fantasy music playing)

(dragon roaring)

(maniacal laughter) Oh!

You're home early.

Today was a half day.

Is there any chance we could never, ever discuss this?

I think that would be best.

Well, in that case, away!

(dragon roar)

(theme song playing)

♪ Would you rather lose your phone ♪

♪ Or give up pizza for a month? ♪

♪ Share your diary with the world ♪

♪ Or have to eat it for your lunch? ♪

♪ Sing out of tune to your friends ♪

♪ Or trip and fall into your crush? ♪

♪ Shave your head, paint it red ♪

♪ Or use your dog's toothbrush? ♪

♪ We need a little Q and A ♪

♪ Come on, Wratherheads, play along ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

♪ Don't matter what we do ♪

♪ We're doing it with you ♪

♪ I'd rather do that ♪

♪ Ask the world ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Or would you rather just dance? ♪

♪ Or would you rather just dance? ♪

♪ No matter what we do ♪

♪ We're doing it with you ♪

♪ I'd rather do that ♪

Ask the world!

♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

Jenna: Wow. Would you look at this place?

We're so close to the lake!

(gasps) The whole area is overflowing with wildlife.

I've already spotted a double-crested cormorant,

or a, a DCC, if you wanna sound cool.

I'm good.

-Look at the deck! -Look at the view!

Look at the couch! No butt dents!

Ya hear that, Barnaby? We're flying first class.

Who's ready to relax?

(bag thuds)

Okay, what's with this guy, and how do I get a shirt like that?

I don't know. Just don't touch.

Everyone remember this is my boss' place and we are guests, so please,

everyone treat this home and everything in it

as if it were your own.

(gnawing)

Correction. Treat it way, way better.

(loud, ridiculous bird calls)

(calls continue)

I am gonna started on some apology letters to the neighbors.

This town has it all!

Horseback riding, speedboats...

-That's cool. -Fishing, WaveRunners...

That's cool.

Rental canoes made entirely from cheese?

-That's cool. -Cooper!

Sorry. I was thinking about Peyton.

All this stuff reminds me

of the fun things we were gonna do this summer.

Cooper, I can say this because I've been through a breakup.

You're me five months ago, just without the powerlifting physique.

-You need to move on. -Fred's right.

Thank you, but in all fairness,

I have done a lot of upper body work to get to this point.

Cooper, you don't wanna spend your whole vacation in a funk.

And he's not going to.

This is gonna be the summer of Fred and Coop.

And that starts with us renting a speedboat.

That sounds fun! Count me in, too!

Come on. What do you say?

I guess I'd be up for that.

Awesome. Now, just give me, like, 45 minutes to unpack.

(bag thuds)

(radio playing)

Here it is, friends!

Zack's Trout House. According to the online reviews,

this is where all the cool people at the lake hang out,

so I'll fit right in.

Did you mean we'll fit right in?

Sure.

The boat rental place is gonna text us when our boat is ready.

Until then, I'm starving.

You guys grab a table. I'm gonna use the bathroom.

(music continues to play on radio)

Sweet tunes! This place is hopping.

We're the only people here.

Not anymore. Two girls just walked in.

Try and act like we're not tourists.

Then you might wanna lose the hat.

Fine.

But, I better not freckle.

Wow. The brunette has pretty hair.

Peyton had hair...

(doorknob rattles)

Oh!

-Hey. E-excuse me. -Hi, sorry.

I haven't seen you here before. I'm Noah.

Hi, I'm Cami. I'd chat with you a little longer,

but I had a bunch of lemonade earlier,

-so... -Oh, no worries. I'll be super quick.

Um, I'm sorry, but I actually grabbed the key first.

Yeah, but you kinda didn't.

Um, excuse me... Noah,

but it looks like from your shirt that you work here,

so don't you follow the motto "the customer is always right"?

I do do that, except, you know, when they're not.

Look. I'm not someone you wanna mess with in a normal setting,

but when I gotta go, I can get pretty edgy.

So typical.

Spoiled little summer tourist who wants what she wants

right when she wants it.

I am not spoiled, and I am not letting go!

Hey, you gotta stop hitting yourself. See ya.

(key rattling)

Not on your life.

-(birds chirping) -Ooh, what is that?

I built a birdhouse by re-purposing stuff I found around the grounds.

You did all that in an hour?

(birds chirping)

You're welcome, my feathered friends!

Don't you just love nature?

Yeah, it's great.

So, I gotta go to the store.

My boss' mother, Kitty Schmitty, yes, that is her real name,

is dropping by to show us how a few things work,

and I wanna offer snacks. Have you seen Ollie?

He was eating fistfuls of birdseed, and then "Barnaby" began screaming.

(crash)

Jenna: Ollie!

Check out all this beach stuff I found in the garage.

What are these? Shark whackers?

-(loud thwack) -Bam! Bam!

Hey, careful! What did I say about keeping this house clean?

Put all this back in the garage right now.

Are you sure? Even this cool umbrella?

-(sand crumbling) -(coughing)

Still thinking about it?

Oh, man, that smell is like if Coop's gym sock

and a rotting pumpkin had a stink baby.

Ugh, Ollie, what have you done?

Kitty Schmitty will be here in an hour!

That can't be a real person.

Please have some cleaning supplies here. Please...

Yes! Thank you.

Quicky Clean?

Quicky Clean? Quicky Clean?

Do you need medical attention?

Do you know how many chemicals are in this bottle?

When you rinse out your rags in the sink,

those chemicals drain right out into the lake.

Sweetie, I do not have time for this.

Mom, this stuff is why there are mutant fish growing three eyeballs!

Three eyeballs?

I want that.

-No, you don't. -I think I do.

It's a superpower. Mom?

I really don't have time to debate this.

Mom, you go shopping for Kitty Schmitty, that was really fun to say,

and I'll make an organic cleaning solution

out of lemon, water, and vinegar, and clean this mess the green way.

Fine. I will be back in 30 minutes.

You just cost a fish a shot at getting a third eye!

How do you sleep at night?

FYI, there's another bathroom at the boat rental place next door.

Then you should probably go there. I'm sure you have to get back to work.

My dad's my boss, so... I'm good.

I'm good, too. I have no plans today.

Or tonight. Or tomorrow.

Not a ton of friends, huh?

(snorting, hacking)

What are you doing?

Just cleaning out my sinuses.

I hope it doesn't annoy you. (snort, hack)

Not at all.

Hey, you know what's fun?

Crying baby memes.

(beep, baby crying)

Don't you love it? I could listen to this all day.

-(snorting, hacking) -(crying gets louder)

(noises continue)

Get outta here! You love to cook?

Coop, Annie from St. Louis loves to cook!

Yeah, I heard.

It's so fun. I even went to junior chef camp.

-Yes, they have those! -I know they have those.

I went to chef camp! Coop?

You both went to chef camp.

That's crazy!

Most kids our age aren't into cooking.

I'm not most kids.

That is very true.

Hey, I make a killer barbecue sauce.

If you wanna try it out, we're having a cookout at the beach.

We're actually waiting for a boat.

No worries. The cookout is tomorrow.

If you guys wanna come, swing by my table. I have the info in my phone.

Cooper, we have stepped into a magical world.

I'm happy for you, man.

Be happy for us. I told you. This is gonna be the best vacation ever.

I guess I'm just not there yet.

Cooper, we're gonna get through this and have a great time.

Like I said, the summer of Fred and Coop.

(fabric rips)

My pants! Are you kidding me?

-Is it as bad as I think it is? -Yep.

This rip is huge!

Who puts nails in wooden furniture?

Everyone?

Well, we need to fix my pants. Do you have any glue or a stapler?

Why would I carry a stapler?

I thought junior firefighters were first responders.

Respond to this!

There is no saving that.

-(snort, hack) -What is Cami doing? We should just go.

But I can't go. What about the barbecue and Annie from St. Louis?

(nervous grunt)

Just hold your pants together back there with your hand.

And let her think my butt itches? No way!

Then, we should just leave.

But if I don't go over, she'll think I'm blowing her off.

What do I do?

Ask the Wratherheads.

Hey, guys. My friend just ripped the back of his pants badly.

His name is Demetrius. He's from Canada.

Anyway, he wants to go talk to a girl, but the back of his pants are wrecked.

Badly. I don't even know if you can call them pants anymore.

They got it!

-So, what should Demarcus do? -His name was Demetrius.

(sighs) Whatever! It was me, okay? What should I do?

Huh. You guys are saying Coop should lend me his pants!

Yes! We'll do that! Thanks, Wratherheads.

Absolutely not.

If we keep it all under this table cloth, no one will see us make the switch.

You can't be serious. I'm not giving you my pants.

You have to. I have no other choice.

But, mine will be too long.

I'll roll them up. Come on, please? Bro code?

Fine.

Fred: Wait a second. We should probably put in our order first.

Waiter!

Coop: Seriously? Right now?

Ahem.

I said ahem!

Can you fix your throat? Frankly, it's disgusting.

Want me to mop your face with this?

Is it weird that I kinda do?

You can help clean, you know.

You think you're cleaning?

If anything, you're just spreading the mess around the floor even more.

My solution may take a little extra scrubbing,

but I will do it with a smile if it helps save Mother Gaia.

Mom's name is Jenna.

(scrubbing)

Hey, I think this is finally starting to work!

I hope you have learned a valuable lesson here today, Ollie.

-(canvas rips) -(gasps)

What's the lesson again?

(sighs)

-Problem? -Nope!

-You? -Nope.

In fact, you know what I could go for?

A nice, tall glass of water.

(sighs) Listen to the flowing liquid as it empties out its over-filled tank.

-(pouring) -Hmm. I'm kinda parched, too.

You mind?

What else you got?

Well, looks like we're gonna be here a while.

Maybe I should grab something to eat.

Hey, Dennis! Onion me.

This is gonna destroy my breath. Sorry.

(crunch)

-Mmm! Thanks, Dennis. -(onion thuds)

-Coop: Ow! Stop kicking me! -Fred: I am not kicking you!

Coop: Oh, it must be the other person under the table

who's putting on my pants!

Jeez! You borrow these pants from a flamingo?

They definitely weren't made for guys with exceptional leg muscles.

Oh, I'm sorry. Lemme run through town in my underwear

and find you a tailor!

Don't bother. I'll make it work.

Now, time to introduce Annie to her new summer stud.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...

Wow, this place is looking good! Nice work, Charlotte!

See? No need for chemicals. Go team green! (laughs)

Let's take this chat over to the kitchen--

No time. Kitty Schmitty will be here soon. Where's Ollie?

He's upstairs... reading.

Charlotte, why would you lie to me?

Is he hurt? Is something wrong? You're scaring me!

Ollie: Don't worry. I'm fine.

Ollie? Where are you?

Ollie: Hello!

What?

What?

(doorbell rings)

(whispers) Kitty Schmitty.

Mmm, these garlic fries are so garlicky.

Do you feel the same...

(breathy) way?

Your breath smells like...

fresh flowers.

Does mine? (breathes)

Like running through a field of... (grunts)

...honeysuckle. (gags)

So, 3:00 P.M.

We will see you then, Annie from St. Louis.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...

(panting)

It worked. I got the deets.

Great. Can I have my pants back now? It's a little... drafty under here.

Okay, fine. Boy, someone here's a little high maintenance.

Coop: Any time now!

Fred: I can't get them over my powerlifting calves!

Coop: Lemme help. I'll pull from here. Ready? On the count of three.

Fred: Can we count down from 10? It makes me feel like an astronaut.

Coop: Three, two, one, pull!

(fabric rips)

My pants! They're ripped in half!

Fred: See what happens when you don't go from 10?

I don't know why you're wasting your time.

-I'm not gonna give in! -Give in?

Sorry. Is that an expression? I'm not familiar.

Excuse me. Have either of you seen the bathroom key?

Both: No!

Oh, good. Who's ready for a fresh whiff of garlic?

Ow! Ow! Hot! It burns! It burns!

Whoa, man! Hold on!

All better. Told you I'd win.

Sure is taking a while for the waiter to bring us our food.

Maybe they have a rule about serving customers

who aren't wearing pants!

All right, well, sit tight.

I'll put on my ripped pants and go find us some new ones.

Or I put on your ripped pants and find us some new ones.

Coop, you couldn't pull these off.

-Watch me. Let go. -You let go!

(fabric rips)

You're right. You should go.

We've ruined all our pants.

We just need to cut our losses and get out of here.

Not while Annie's still here.

I think me walking out in firetruck underwear

might really hurt my chances.

Okay. I got your back. Follow me.

-I'll sneak us outta here. -Thanks. You're a good bud.

Just let me finish connecting the dots on my menu.

FYI, I already know it's a crab.

I will finish it later.

-Wait, what? -Noah: Looking for this?

Told you you'd never win.

How'd you sneak the key off so fast? You're a wizard!

-(Cami scoffs) -(tosses key)

(unlocks door)

Know what? You put up a good fight. I respect that. Dennis! Onion me.

-Nice to meet you, Cami. -(scoffs)

Cami: Uh-oh!

Oh! Outta my way!

(nervous chuckling)

So, Annie, any specific dress code we should know about

for this, uh, barbecue?

Don't you just love the lake view?

-Amazing! -Spectacular!

By the way, I only live a few minutes away,

so don't hesitate to call if you ever have any problems.

-Oh, we won't have a problem! -We never have problems.

(laughs)

So, let me just show you the thermostat.

Oh, oops! 'Scuse me!

-(chuckling) Pardon us. -So sorry! (laughs)

Uh, so,

this is a smart home.

So, the temperature, and almost everything else,

can be controlled with your phone!

(gasps) Technology is so wonderful!

What a time to be alive!

(laughing)

Oh, apologies.

My son, the painter.

I never did care for his odd-looking subjects.

Another thing you can do is preheat the oven,

-turn on the AC-- -Jenna: Oh, Kitty!

Can I interest you in a snack?

Bakery-fresh cookies! What a time to be alive!

No, thank you, but let me just show you this other really nifty feature!

Do you know? I think I will have a cookie.

They're oatmeal raisin.

Raisins? Ew!

(spits, gasps)

Well, this vacation couldn't have started out any worse.

I'm sure Annie thinks I'm a freak now.

Tell me about it. Can I go one day without having an arch nemesis?

What're you so happy about? You're sitting in a restaurant

with no pants.

I just realized I haven't thought about Peyton

since I first got here.

I think you guys were right. This vacation is just what I needed.

Glad our pain took your mind off your problems.

(text chimes)

All right. You guys got me outta my funk. I'm getting you outta yours.

Our speedboat's ready. Come on, it's time to have some fun.

We're not exactly dressed for it.

We'll buy board shorts on the way. My treat.

Matching?

Absolutely. It's the summer of Fred and Coop.

-I'm in! -Let's do it.

-(fabric rips) -Fred: Ah! Another nail?

We should go.

Hey, guys, how was your day?

-Coop: Fantastic. -Cami: Awesome!

We walked through town in our underwear.

Great. So, we're already that family.

Nothing like a cruise on the water

-to make you forget your troubles. -Totally.

I can't even remember the name of the jerk I was fighting with earlier.

Noah. He's the guy who almost made you pee in your pants.

Mom, I'm gonna need some money for a disguise.

(text chimes)

It's from Annie! She says,

"See you at the barbecue. Please wear pants, LOL."

-Nice, Freddie. Good for you. -Told you, Coop.

This is gonna be the best summer vacation yet.

(creepy voice) Or is it?

(all screaming)

(laughing)

You were right, Oliver! That was fun!

Charlotte: What a time to be alive!