Original subtitles

Hey, Wratherheads!

We got so much snow, we decided to put it to good use.

Anyone can go to soccer camp, but I went to igloo sculpting camp.

Those kids can party!

Okay, so here's today's icy question.

"Would you rather live in an igloo for a week

or be a snowman monster for a day?"

Madame.

And the Wratherheads say...

-(ping) -Snowman monster.

Yes! I'm gonna freak out the lunch lady.

Spinach has no place in our schools.

Ollie!

Get out of that costume now or you'll be late for the bus.

But, Mom! The Wratherheads have spoken.

Oh, wow. The Wratherheads. Let's go.

It's school picture day.

I want you in that suit and tie I laid out.

Is it too much to ask for one nice photo of you

to remember third grade?

Have you seen my report card?

I think I'll get another bite at that apple.

-Just do it. -Fine. I'll go change.

(sighs)

Well, he does look good in a blazer.

(theme song playing)

♪ Would you rather lose your phone ♪

♪ Or give up pizza for a month? ♪

♪ Share your diary with the world ♪

♪ Or have to eat it for your lunch? ♪

♪ Sing out of tune to your friends ♪

♪ Or trip and fall into your crush? ♪

♪ Shave your head, paint it red? ♪

♪ Or use your dog's toothbrush? ♪

♪ We need a little Q and A ♪

♪ Come on, Wratherheads, play along ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

♪ Don't matter what we do ♪

♪ We're doing it with you ♪

♪ I'd rather do that ♪

♪ Ask the world ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Or would you rather just dance? ♪

♪ Or would you rather just dance? ♪

♪ No matter what we do ♪

♪ We're doing it with you ♪

♪ I'd rather do that ♪

Ask the world!

♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

There's my brave girl!

Mom, I told you, I'm fine.

Caleb and I broke up two weeks ago.

We made cookies to cheer you up. They are not good.

Hey! That is your Grandma Wrather's recipe.

Oh, yeah, you don't want these.

Look, Caleb and I decided we're better off as friends.

Plus, I am loving all this me time.

I even got a new calendar

and filled it up with fun "Char-tivities."

Get it?

I do, and now I'm sad.

"Check textbooks for typos, read to sick cats,

reintroduce algae to Lake Myrtle."

Fun.

If you want you could join me--

Oh! You're gonna be late for school.

No, you are...

No, you are...

No, you are!

I just made a bet on Saturday's game.

Losing team has to shave off their eyebrows!

Awesome, right?

Yeah. Unless you don't win.

That's not gonna happen.

Coop, you know I love you and think you're handsome--

But... for the love of Moses, just don't lose.

You don't really think we could lose, do you?

Of course not.

But if you do, can I be the one who shaves them?

Hey! I got your text, what's the emergency?

It's Ollie! He's reading!

Oh, no, this can't be good.

Hey, buddy, wanna hand me the book so we can talk about it?

Mom won't let me stay up late enough to watch Zombie E.R.

Well, reading is never the answer.

You're right.

I need to find Charlotte and have her ask Mom

to extend my bedtime.

Excuse me! Charlotte?

Yeah, she's my big sister.

Um... I'm your big sister, too.

Oh, yeah. I always think of us as the same age.

First of all, no.

Second, I'm the one who gets things done around here.

I'll talk to Mom and get you a later bedtime.

If you need an expert dealmaker, I'm your guy.

Both my parents are lawyers.

You've seen their commercial.

(deep, gruff voice): I will fight for you!

(normally): And my dad has a line too.

Charlotte, you gotta help me! I got a big mess on my hands.

(sighs): You're like the sixth person today.

Kenny G has the plunger.

No. I just found out my teammate Dixon

won't be allowed to play this Saturday against Portsmouth

if he doesn't pass his science test.

You mean Jonathan Dixon?

That guy who always runs around wearing underwear on his head?

That was the old Dixon. He's way more mature now.

Wrather! Check it out!

Five second rule!

Did I say more mature? I meant taller.

We can't win without him. The guy's a beast on the ice!

What does this have to do with me?

Well, I need you to tutor him for his chemistry test.

They let him near chemicals?

Doesn't matter, I can't.

My calendar is pretty full with Char-tivities.

Wow, I thought Cami was just making that up.

-What's that? -I said cool name.

C'mon, you're a great teacher.

If anyone can help Dixon, you can.

Please.

-(sighs): Okay, fine. -Yes!

Boys, say thank you to Charlotte.

You know you're in public, right?

There she is! Chillin' like a boss.

Why not, you earned it. Juice box?

I'm not changing Ollie's bedtime.

See what I'm dealing with here?

-Jenna, permission to approach the couch? -No.

Your witness.

Mom, why won't you just let the boy stay up an hour later?

Because.

Oh, I thought there was more.

Nope. I'm the mom. Don't need more.

I'm gonna go find Charlotte.

No! I got this.

I feel like we started out on the wrong foot.

This isn't about Ollie or Zombie E.R.

This is about rewarding the hardworking youth of our country--

Save your breath.

I will change Ollie's bedtime when I think he's ready.

You wanna make your own rules, get your own house.

Fine. Maybe we will.

Great. I sell them for a living. Take my card.

We don't need it. We have an igloo!

Whoa, people! In the law game, there's a little thing called compromise.

To make a deal, you gotta meet in the middle.

No, thank you. Ollie, let's go pack.

Tomorrow morning, we're outta here!

Jenna, I want you to know,

I will not sleep until this case is resolved.

I mean, not literally, that would be like, "What!"

Uh, I am a real piece of work without my ten hours.

And the answer is...

Thirty-four!

The question was, "What's a proton?"

Sorry, I was thinking about hockey.

Thirty-four's my jersey number.

It's noice, right? People like the way I say "nice."

Noice!

Jonathan, if you're going to pass your chemistry test,

you need to focus.

Done. Let's do this.

Hey, chemistry! You're going down, bro!

'Kay, well, as I was saying... (inhales)

"When two or more atoms combine they form a molecule

in a chemical reaction--"

Wanna see a "comical" reaction?

This also works with apples, pears, and lemons.

Watermelons can be tricky.

Jonathan! You've been here 45 minutes and haven't learned anything.

Well, we've been here 45 minutes and you haven't laughed once.

And you still haven't told me why a fart isn't on the periodic table.

It is a gas!

You know what? (chuckles) We're done here.

-Cool. So I'm good now? -Really, really not.

I can't believe I postponed recording algae levels for this.

You're an odd duck, you know that?

-Oh, I'm the odd one? -Yeah.

I like it.

You're done already? How'd it go?

Sorry, Coop. Your eyebrows belong to Portsmouth now.

Ooh, three typos in one chapter--

I've never felt so alive. (chuckles)

(shouts)

What did you do?

I used Mom's makeup to show you what I'm gonna look like with no eyebrows.

Don't look away, drink this in!

Is this what you want, Charlotte? Is it?

I'm pretty sure nobody wants that.

Then give Dixon another chance.

No way. He goofed around the whole time.

He doesn't care about his test.

All right, then you leave me no choice.

-Is that-- -It is!

Four years ago, you scratched Mom's car

with your model of the universe, and I took the fall.

In return, you gave me this ticket.

"Good for one favor. No restrictions."

I remember our agreement.

You're our team's only hope.

It is done.

Fine! (sighs) Tomorrow after school.

"Tutor Dopey Meathead."

But I'm only giving him one more shot.

You can't tell because of my lack of eyebrows,

but I am very excited right now.

See? Charlotte would never fight this hard to get you a better bedtime.

We're living in a block of ice.

It's a weird time to brag.

Cami, don't you think you've taken this a little too far?

Absolutely not.

Once Mom sees how well we're doing out here,

living by our own rules,

she'll have to admit you're ready for a later bedtime.

Best big sister ever.

Knock, knock.

I had to say it because there's no door.

Doors are too restrictive. Just like early bedtimes.

Well, I got your note.

-What did you wanna see me about? -What note?

I may have tucked that note under your pillow.

Just thought we should all get together and find some common ground.

Well, unless you're giving Ollie 30 extra minutes,

there's not much to talk about.

But while you're here, why don't I give you the tour.

I think I got it.

So, here we have the living room-slash-kitchen,

-slash bedroom-- -And where's the bathroom?

That topic has been heavily debated.

The point is, we're doing just fine on our own.

All right. So I guess I'll head back in.

Oh, not that you care, but I ordered take-out

from your favorite restaurant, Lenaguine's,

so there's spaghetti and meatballs and piping hot garlic bread.

(inhales): I need to speak with my clients!

Cami, the woman's offering Lenaguine's! Take the deal!

No! Not until she gives us what we want.

I'm not gonna betray my little brother for a meatball.

Trust me. Mom's gonna break any second.

Nope. Not gonna break. Also, I can hear you.

So congrats on the new home.

Let's do the barbecue thing sometime.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop...

Any second.

(knocking on door)

Whoa, who's this guy?

It's me, Dixon. You know, from hockey?

Yeah. I know.

I've just never seen you in a shirt with buttons.

I wanted to show your sister

I'm gonna take studying seriously this time.

I even left my underwear at home.

My head underwear.

My regular underwear is where they need to be.

I did not need to know that.

Is that Jonathan?

Yeah, it's me, Dixon.

You know, from tutoring?

Please be my miracle.

So, let's try a new approach. Do you like fudge?

Fudge rules!

Well, every time you get an answer right, you get a piece.

-Noice! -(sighs): Yeah!

Aww! Who's this cutie?

Oh. That's Greta. We're trying to find her a home.

I've been putting those up for the shelter.

You help out at the animal shelter?

Animals rock!

They're like people, but with tails!

(scoffs)

I never would've thought that you and I would have something in common.

Okay. Let's get started.

The periodic symbol for lead?

-P-B! -Fudge!

-Silver? Fudge! -A-G.

-Both: Five second rule! -(chuckling)

Okay. I think you're ready.

I think so, too. Thanks, Wrather.

You want me to let you know how the test goes?

I mean, Cooper will probably tell me but, yeah, sure.

(chuckles): You could-- If you want to.

Noice.

(chuckles): "Noice." (giggles)

Oh, man! You like Dixon!

What? No. I could never be into a guy like Jonathan.

-Except that you totally are. -Please, we're complete opposites.

-Okay... Sure... -He's totally not my type. At all.

I mean, could you even imagine us as a couple?

-I guess not. Busted! -Why not?

You like a guy who wears underwear as a hat.

Noice!

You said we wouldn't have to spend the night out here.

Can't we just treat this like a math test and give up?

No! No, I am getting you a later bedtime.

You're not gonna get anywhere if you don't sit down and compromise.

Fred, I know what I'm doing and I'll prove it.

(ding)

Hey, Wratherheads.

Ollie and I moved into our igloo

to convince Mom to give him a later bedtime.

Fred thinks the best move is to go inside and talk it out.

So what speaks louder...

actions or words?

MamaWrather says, "You'll never win! Ha-ha-ha."

That guy posts all the time and it's always negative.

And the Wratherheads say... stay in the igloo.

Thanks, and we will!

Well, I guess I lose. I'm heading home now.

To my heated blanket and body pillow.

So I guess we're spending the night.

Yeah, but guess what?

It's past your bedtime, so you know what that means?

Both (in zombie voice): Zombie E.R.

Doctor: I'm sorry, Mr. Matthews, I have bad news about your wife's brain.

(zombie voice): I'm eating it!

(gnawing sounds)

(computer beeps)

Hey! We're missing the best part!

Our WiFi cut out.

Mom changed the password and renamed the network "Mom's WiFi Only!"

(gasps): No internet?

(screaming)

Charlotte, you did it!

Dixon passed his chemistry test! He can play in the game tonight!

That's great!

He's coming by to thank you in person.

What? Why? I'm just his tutor. What a weirdo. Do I have time to change?

-(doorbell rings) -He's here! Be right back!

-Hey, man. What's that? -A gift for your sister.

I gotta ask. Do you like her?

I do. Is that cool?

Only if this is the last we ever talk about it.

I'll get Charlotte.

Aww, she owns a book that tells you what date it is.

That's so Charlotte.

"Tutor Dopey Meathead"?

Hey, Jonathan! I'm so excited--

Here. Thanks for tutoring me.

Have a nice life.

Should've kept my hair up.

Morning all. I bring good news.

I just came from a very interesting negotiation brunch with your mom.

-And? -And it was delicious!

There were pancakes, sausage, and the cutest little mini quiches.

Did she say anything about Ollie's bedtime?

Yup. She's still not budging.

But she says if you apologize,

she'll let you move back in with full WiFi access.

Yeah. We have a better plan.

We are gonna be noisy neighbors and blast music at the house.

She'll cave just to get her peace and quiet back.

No. Listen to me.

It's just like my mother says-- (gruff voice): "Make a deal!"

No. It's not make a deal time, it's "Cami time."

So plug up, everybody!

(loud circus music playing)

Whoop! Sorry, my bad.

(loud rock music playing)

Jenna: Hey! Turn that music down!

(yelling): I think we got her attention!

(yelling): Please stop! This will only end badly!

(yelling): She's gonna break. I can feel it!

(yelling): All I'm feeling is that sweet bass!

(igloo cracking)

(yelling): The vibrations from that sweet bass are cracking my sweet igloo!

Everybody, out! Beauty before age!

(screaming)

Dude! We're getting crushed.

This is the worst I've seen you play. What's wrong?

Ask your sister.

According to her, I'm just a big dopey meathead.

Outta my way, dude! (sobs)

What's going on? I thought you liked Dixon.

(sighs): I did. But he clearly doesn't like me.

Maybe 'cause you called him a big dopey meathead.

What? No, I would never say that to--

(sighs): I left my calendar on the table!

He must have seen it. That's why he left. I have to go talk to him!

-Johnathan! -(skates screech)

What am I gonna do? He's ignoring me!

(buzzer sounds)

Well, think of something,

'cause we have one period left to turn this game around

or Pablo and Jesse are goners!

I was thinking I might see you soon.

-Cocoa? -(gasps)

Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.

Jenna, I think Cami and Ollie may be ready to compromise.

Cami?

Cami...

Fine. Mom, look, I wasn't trying to be disrespectful--

(sing-song): Someone's reaching out!

I was just trying to be a good big sister.

And you know what?

You were. You didn't go about it the right way...

but I was impressed by your commitment to your brother.

So now what?

Well, why don't we take Fred's advice and compromise?

Yes!

Continue.

How about Ollie does one extra chore

in exchange for 30 minutes added to his bedtime?

(gasps): What do you think, Cami?

I think we take it.

Me too.

Thanks for standing up for me.

I'm starting to think we're not the same age.

(mimics explosion)

Mom, we accept your deal. Thanks.

I usually hug my opponents.

This is why I pretend to be a lawyer.

-What are you doing? -It's the only way I could talk to him!

-Jonathan! -Wrather?

Meet me in the penalty box!

-(grunts) -(thuds)

-Crowd: (gasps) -Sorry.

(blows whistle): Two minutes for cross checking!

What is happening?

(blows whistle)

Dude. That wasn't very noice!

-Okay, so this is a little weird. -(sighs)

Jonathan, I needed to talk to you.

I am so sorry.

I wrote that thing in my calendar before I got to know you.

And I never should've judged you.

You're not a dopey meathead,

you're a really sweet guy who makes me laugh.

I did make you laugh.

That was harder than the chemistry test.

-Yeah. It felt good to loosen up a little. -(chuckles)

Will you forgive me?

There's nothing to forgive, Wrather.

We're like two molecules drawn together, forming a bond.

That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Um, you guys good?

'Cause they're killin' us out here!

Penalty's over. I should go.

Hey, if I score a goal, will you toss me a piece of fudge?

Or you and I could grab dinner after the game?

Even better.

Ah! Seriously! Get out here!

(sighs): Noice.

Announcer: Next time on Zombie E.R.

Zombie: You've shown me there's more to hearts than eating them.

Thank you!

(turns off TV)

That was the most compelling television I have ever seen.

-Told you. -Same time, next week?

You got it. 'Night, Mom.

-Night, buddy. -Night, Ollie.

Love you.

Gotta admit, Fred, you were a big help. Thanks.

As my mom says--

(gruff voice): Your happiness comes first.

(keys clicking)

-(giggles) -Dixon?

Yeah. He's so excited about your win.

And his typos are adorable.

You want his eyebrows?

-Excuse me? -(scoffs)

Yeah, he didn't understand the bet.

Fred (in a deep, gruff voice): I will fight for you!