Original subtitles

( whistles )

* Some say I'm just a kid *

* But I stand tall like a pyramid *

* One day I'll be mythic *

* Read about it in hieroglyphics *

* Ah-ee-ah-ah-oh *

* It's written in the stars, I'm who I'm gonna be *

* I'm takin' on the world this time *

* It's written in the stars of all that I can be *

* I feel the power in my heart *

* It's written in the stars *

( ominous music plays )

( Cleo screams )

- ( alarm beeping ) - Don't worry, guys!

I'm super good at crashing!

A comforting thought.

Unhh! Why do I get the sense that you're silently judging me?

Because I am. I'm writing your progress report for the Council.

All good things, I hope?

( clattering )

OK. Akila, Brian,

can I get a little help up here?

- Akila: No can do. - Brian: So busy right now.

We're comin' in hot!

Cleo: Down in six, five, four--

Unh! Three-two-one.

Close enough.

Everyone safe back there?

Don't worry, Eyeball's safe.

You're still playing with that Eyeball game?

You've been at it all day!

He's not just a game, he's so cute!

I can't believe you made him, Brian.

Technically, he's an "it,"

and I programmed it.

Eyeball is a virtualpet

designed to mimic a realliving thing.

But he is a real living thing! Just look at him!

Play with me! Play with me!

I can't stress enough that it is not.

Yes, he is, and don't try and tell me he isn't!

( baby-talk ) Yes, you're a widdle baby-waby, aren't you, Eyeball?

Mmm... ( kissing noises )

It would be totes easy to get lost in here if we aren't careful.

- Never say "totes" again. - Noted.

I'm detecting an energy signature here

that could be the Uta tablet.

Looks like it originates somewhere below the planet's surface.

- Khensu: Mm-hmm. - Cleo: Now, Brian, can you--

Brian?

Omigosh, Eyeball is purring!

I didn't know he could purr.

Ha! Pretty neat, right?

My research indicates that purring increases

his adorableness quotient by 37%. Mm-hmm.

More like infinity-seven percent!

Can one of you guys pleasetell me which way to go?

- Brian: That way. - Akila: That way. Or wherever.

(sarcastically) Great help, guys. Thanks.

Khensu, whatcha got?

What's the word...

Oh, that is quite perfect, Khensu. Well done.

- Ugh. - ( Mihos chitters )

Ahh. Mmm. Mmm...

Gah! Either way is fine.

I mean, what's the worst that could-- Eeee-ugh!

( Xerxes clanking )

Ohhh! I shoulda known the worst that could happen would happen!

Those Xerxes must be looking for the Uta!

What are we gonna do?

Let's sneak into their camp

and see if they know where the Uta is.

Nah, nah, I don't know.

A Xerxes camp doesn't seem like

a very nurturing environment for Eyeball.

- ( munching ) - Yummy!

Uh, A-Akila,

you do realize Eyeball's just

some code I wrote, right?

( gasps ) He didn't mean it, Eyeball!

He didn't mean it! Don't you listen to him!

He is mean,and you're cute.

- Arggh. - Enough Eyeball! We're going in.

( distant clanking )

- ( Cleo gasps ) - Akila: Whoa!

( clanking )

( sighs )

- Unh! - Eyeball: Helloooo!

Play with me! Play with me!

Eyeball, be quiet, and I'll give you a snacky-wacky.

Play with me! Play with me! Play with me...

Shh! Hold down the power button!

- Play with me! Play with me! - I know how to turn off a tab!

(louder) Play with me! Play with me--

Ha ha ha! That was the volume button.

- Whoops! - Guys, we need to--

Xerx: Intruders. Intruders.

- ( all scream ) - ( weapon zaps )

Hyahh! Hyahh!

Heeeeeeyah!

( all shout, grunt )

Oh, no.

- Whoa! Ohh! Ohh! - Aaah!

Aaaah! Ooh!

( panting ) Whoo!

That was close.

Aaah!

Unh! Ahh! Never mind!

This is closer! This is waycloser!

Robot!

Wow! That was a perfect shot!

( laughing )

( cracking noise )

( both screaming )

( screaming )

Unhh! Aaah!

( both yelling, grunting )

( both sigh )

Aaah!

- ( panting ) - Where are we?

Whooooaaaa!

This is an eggshell planet!

Ya know, where it's, like, a shell

and all the life is on the inside?

Uh, duh. I know what an eggshell planet is, I'm not five.

Cleo! Cleo, come in!

Whoa! Cleo!

The rock's too thick to get a signal through!

W-We can't call for help,

we could be trapped in here!

And eggshell planets are always full of monsters!

- Oh, no! - I know, it's horrible.

I-I can't feel my face.

There's a metallic taste in my mouth...

Is it getting dark? It's getting dark.

( whines ) It's getting dark!

No, this! Eyeball, he's-- he's...

gone!!!

( sobbing )

Eyeball? Eyeball?!

He's just some code I wrote! Remember?

- ( crying ) - This is bad.

We have to get to higher ground

so we can get out a distress signal,

or we're done for!

How can you be so insensitive?!

Eyeball is our baby,

and I'm not going anywhere until you fix him!

Eyeball...isn't...real!

And how am I supposed to fix him? Ohh.

I need a positronic processor

capable of 12 billion quaternary operations per second.

Where am I gonna find that in an eggshell planet?!

Huh.

( Cleo panting )

Unhh!

Akila? Brian?!

Hello?

Argh! All this rock

must be blocking the signal!

( gasp ) A better comm link might be able to get through.

- We gotta find our ship. - Mm-hmm.

You're taking notes at a time like this?!

What are you even writing?!

This report is highly confidential.

Well, get ready to report this, Khensu!

Ha ha!

Dang. I totally thought our ship would be there.

Ohh. That would have been such a cool reveal.

Xerx: Intruders! Surrender!

Whoa-whoa, don't shoot!

Everyone just...stay cool. Ha.

You got us, guys.

We'll...oh, my goodness,

what is that?

- Where? - Over this way?

I don't see anything.

Huhh! Aaah!

Xerx: I still don't see anythiiiing...

( loud crash )

( chuckles )

Can't believe they fell for that one, huh?

They really shouldn't've.

Xerxes are dumb, but they're not thatdumb.

Wait, if the rock's blocking our signal to Akila and Brian,

it must be blocking signals to the Xerxes.

That's it! Normally, Xerxes follow orders!

But operating on their own,

they must just be utterly, mind-bogglingly stupid!

We might make it back to the ship after all!

- Where are the intruders? - Oh, down there.

Please put that in your report.

( whistling sound, crash )

- ( electrical crackling ) - Akila: Brian...

think we could get a signal to Cleo

from that smoky mountain?

You mean that activevolcano?

- Eh, potato, potahto. - ( Brian sighs )

I don't see anyplace else that's high enough.

- ( crackling ) - Ahh! Aaah! Did it work?

- Did it work?! Did it work?! - Yeah!

( whirring, clanking )

( gasps )

( electrical crackling )

- ( video game noise ) - Heh-wo.

My name is Eyeball. Are you food?

- Uhhhh. - Ahhh...

(baby-talk) heja-goojie-goojie Eyeball.

I'm so glad you're alive!

We're your moms, buddy! Can you say "Moms"?

- Moms! - ( Akila cackling )

He said "Moms"!

Well, uh-- technically, I'm a "dad."

Also, I'm nota dad! No!

Omigosh, Brian!

His first step!

Ahh!

( laughing ) Awwww!

I wuv my Moms.

Eee-hee-hee!

(strained) "Dad."

I'm a dad. No, I'm not.

No, I'm not a dad.

Mommy and...Mamadaddy!

- Yeh-eh... - Eyebaaall,

let's goooo to the volcano!

Yay! Walkies!

- Hee hee hee! - Ohhh.

- ( clanking ) - ( Eyeball giggling )

What's this?

Ohhhh, that's a rock, Eyeball!

Rooooock.

Rock.

Aw, Brian!

Isn't our son so smart?

He isn'tour son!

Now, can we focus on getting to the volcano?

What's this?

Oh, that's a flower.

Hee hee hee hee hee!

- ( Akila giggling ) - Ohh.

What's this?

( both scream )

Whoa! Unhh!

It's a...a doggie! Bad doggie!

Aaaaaahhhh!

( distant thud, yelp )

Unnhhh! Uhh.

Don't be scared, Mamadaddy.

Aww! You have such a sweet heart!

- ( Akila laughs ) - Brian: Hey! P-Put me back!

Play with me! Heh heh heh!

Hey! Listen here, son...

Omigosh, you called him "son"!

I didn't mean iiiiiiiiit!

( Xerxes clanking )

( whispers ) OK. Time to test

your "Xerxes are utterly, mind-bogglingly stupid" theory!

With a carefully thought out plan?

Pfft. Yeah, right.

Hey, fellas!

How 'bout a little bet?

Heads, you let us pass. Tails, you blast each other.

Deal?

Ehh, that sounds fair.

Hehh!

Tails!

Oh, well.

(chanting ) Ooh-ooh! Oh, yeah, ah, yeah, uh-huh...

- Khensu: Ohhh... - ( Cleo continues victory chant )

Akila: C'mon, Eyeball!

Time to stop playing with Mamadaddy.

- Look at me, Mommy! Look! - Brian: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Eyeball! Put my head back on my body this instant!

Uhhh...uhhh...

( Eyeball crying )

( gasps ) Oh!

- What? - Awww...

Aw, Eyeball.

Don't cry.

I'm proud of you for acting like a big boy.

( sniffles ) I'm a big boy?

- Big boy! Big boy! Big boy... - ( Brian groans )

- ( monster growls ) - Uh-oh.

Eyeball: Oh, boy.

( all growling )

"Oh, boy," indeed.

- ( grunts ) - ( clicking )

My quaser's out of juice!

Yeah, and mine is out of me remembering to bring it!

Both: Aaah!

( growls )

Aaaah!

( monster shrieks )

Bad doggie! Heeeyah!

( monster groans )

- ( fight sounds ) - Eyeball: Hyahh! Unhh!

( grunts )

I beated up all the bad doggies.

Am I a big boy now?

Technically, you'll never be a big boy,

because you're not--

That is to say,

you're not quitea big boy yet.

Aww, man.

But you know what would make you a big boy?

If you got your mommy and...

(mumbles) your Mamadaddy... to the top of that volcano.

( sighs ) Manipulating our son.

Sonot cool.

You think you could do that, bud?

- Huh? - I can do it, Mamadaddy.

I wanna be a big boy!

( Eyeball, Akila laughing )

- ( Eyeball grunts ) - Akila: Woowwww!

Brian: Uhhhh! Unh! Unh!

( grunting )

( giggling )

Ooowahh! Nooo! Noooo!

( upbeat music playing )

( Xerxes screaming )

( music continues )

Ehhhh!

Ahhh.

Whoo-hoo! Way to go, Eyeball!

- Aha-ha-ha-ha! - My arm!

Whoo, sopretty!

We should take a family photo!

OK. Sending a signal.

Hopefully, we're high enough to reach Cleo.

Good job, Eyeball.

You really impressed me out there today.

Yay!

Ai-yah! Ai-yah!

I saved Mommy and Mamadaddy!

I climbed in the volcano!

Big boy! Big boy! Big...

- boooooooy.... - ( birds screeching )

( rock crumbling )

...oooooooooy!

Did I do that? Wow!

I really ama big boy.

Big boy! Big boy!

Big boy! Big boy! Big boy!

Big boy! Big boy! Big boy...

- Hey, Brian. - Mm-hmm?

What's thaaaat?

Based on the evidence at hand,

I'd say it was, uh, the monster,

uh, that lives inside... this, uh, volcano.

Ha ha! OK. Just checking.

- Big boy! Big boy! Big boy! - Shhh! Less yelly-yelly,

more quiety-quiety!

- Big boy! Big boy! Big boy! - Eyeball! You gotta quiet down!

- Brian: Really?! - Akila: Play with me!

Gyahh! Whyyyy...

- Brian: Gahhh! - ( whooshing )

Ehhhh!

- ( monster roars ) - ( all screaming )

Huhh!

Both: Aaah!

Prepare for doom.

Uh...uh...deactivate!

( Xerx powers down )

That's it?!

That's all we had to do this whole time?!

- ( crash ) - Seriously?

- ( ship powers up ) - OK, still no signal.

Maybe we can try to pick it up from the surface.

( whoosh )

- Eyeball: Hee hee hee! - Brian: OK, need a plan.

Need a plan right now! Anything!

I play catch with Eyeball while you take out the monster!

With no head?!

You said anything!

- Pretty! - Both: Aaah!

( roaring )

Try signaling again!

Mayday! Mayday!

Cleo! Khensu! Do you read?

Akila (distorted with static): Please help! Volcano!

A monster! All the bad things at once!

Akila? Where are you?

Inside the planet! It's an eggshell planet!

Argh! I hateeggshell planets. Does it have monsters?

Yes, there is a very big monster right now!

Come and get us!

Ehhh. These eggshell planets

always have a big entrance somewhere.

- ( locator beeping ) - Uh...uh...ah!

Haha!

( whooshing )

And we're in! Don't lose your heads!

Heh. Did you hear that?

Yes, it would be funny if there weren't lava

and a monster made of lava!

All: Aaaah!

( monster roaring )

Is that a bad doggie?

- Yes, Eyeball! - Verybad doggie!

( lava gurgling )

( zooming )

Whoa-ma-yeesh, look at that thing!

It's some kinda lava monster!

Lava monster! Ooh, that's good!

- ( tablet beeping ) - ( laughing )

I accidentally typed "lovemonster"!

Not the time for notes!

I need you to lower the extraction winch!

I am only here to observe. I--

Observe this!

Don't look at that, it's confidential!

"Khensu in Space: the Movie"?

Have you been writing a screenplay this whole time?!

My schedule's so busy I can never find time for my hobbies!

- ( snickers ) Wow. - ( Mihos chitters )

Uh, OK, first off,

"Khensu in Space," great title.

Do you really think so?

- Thanks! - Yeah, and secondly,

we gotta rescue Brian and Akila, so lower that winch!

Noted!

( winch whirring )

Hup!

( Brian, Akila screaming )

( panicked shouting )

We're trapped!

( roaring )

- ( weapons zapping ) - Look!

- Yeah! - ( cheering )

Cleo: Ha ha ha!

( Cleo cackling )

- ( alarm wailing ) - Ahh! Not cool, lava dude!

( lava gurgling )

I thought I'd die older than this!

Or at least more heroically.

Mommy?

- Oof! - Mamadaddy?

Eyeball, what are you doing?!

Getting you away from the big, bad doggie!

Eyeball, no! You don't have to do this!

( weapons zapping )

Huh! Hyah! Yahh!

I love you, Mommy and Mamadaddy.

I love you!

( ship approaches )

Akila: Aaaaah! Oof!

( bellowing )

I love you, Eyeball!

You'll always be...

Mamadaddy's big boy!

It's gonna be OK.

- Uhhh! - Big...

boy!!!

( monster roaring )

Aaaah! Unhh!

Uhhh!

( electrical crackling )

Play with me... ( Eyeball powers down )

( bellows )

Noooo!

Gaaahhhh!

( growls, gags )

Eyeball!

Unh!

( Brian grunting )

( panting )

Brian...

can you-- can you fix him?

Uhh, yeah. I'd still need a positronic processor.

Where am I gonna find something like--

( gasps ) Huh.

( monster roaring )

Ugh. I analyzed the data.

That Uta tablet energy signature

was just noise from some weird isotope.

Argh! We're never gonna find that thing!

Ta-da!

Our son! Yay-hey-hey-hey!

Big boy hero!!!

So, uh, let me get this straight.

You guys, like, had a kid...

and it's a Xerx, but it's also that game you were playing?

Ugh. I will never get used to the future.

Auntie Cleo doesn't like Eyeball?

Whatie-who now?!

Sure she does!

Everybody loves you, buddy.

Well, uh, except maybe those fire lizard things.

You beat up so many of them, I bet they're gonna remember you

for a loooooongtime.

( growling )

( music playing )