Original subtitles

[whistles]

* Some say I'm just a kid *

* But I stand tall like a pyramid *

*One day I'll be mythic *

* Read about it in hieroglyphics *

*Ah-ee-ah-ah-oh *

* It's written in the stars, I'm who I'm gonna be *

* I'm takin' on the world this time *

* It's written in the stars of all that I can be *

* I feel the power in my heart *

* It's written in the stars *

[music playing]

[sensor beeping]

Brian: The readings are spiking around here,

but there's no Uta tablet.

- Aarrrrrrrrr! - Aaaah!

Ha ha! On the plus side,

these artifacts are all super weird and creepy!

Akila: We should report our findings, but first things first.

Ta-da!

[grunts]

Picnic? Now?!

Here?! On a mission?!

Have I asked enough questions?!

To convey my outrage?!

Relax, Brian. We've been through this drill a million times.

You get some weird readings, we go to a new planet, and boom! No Uta tablet.

[bites, swallows]

When life gives you gobnobs, you make gobnob-ade.

- Am I right? - Yeah, Bri, take the op to chill.

I'm so chill, I'm not even usin' whole words RN.

Guys, we need to take this search seriously,

- or we'll never-- - [rumbling]

Qua-a-a-ake!!!

Quick! Stand in a doorway. Or is it don'tstand in a doorway?

It's not "play dead," that's how you deal with a Draxonian frog-devil.

Learned that one the hard way.

- [Mihos chitters] - [all screaming]

[screaming stops]

[screaming resumes]

[all grunt]

We better get out of here.

Heeyah! Let's take this picnic back to the--

Cleo, why did you stop talking mid--

[all screaming]

[chitters]

[all gasp]

Both: What the what?!

Akila: They're...Space Pirates!

Whoa. It's like I'm looking in a mirror!

Yeah, a funhousemirror.

Aw, crud. Are we the funhouse version?

We totally are.

Look at that cyborg guy!

Akila: That's not a cyborg.

Brian: Yes, he is.

He's just a way better one than me.

How did we get on your ship?

Amsaja: Well, I wanted that tomb,

and when I want something...

I take it.

Whoa. That is seriously cool.

I mean, stealing is bad and all, but I think I've got a crush.

According to the Space Pirate's code--

They have a code. Awesome!

--we must introduce ourselves before we destroy you.

I am Amsaja, Queen of the Space Pirates.

- This is Ostea. - PhD in Alien Languages,

only child, and feelings expert.

- Cyborg Dwayne.. - Tech expert and Dungeon Master.

And you don't need to call me Cyborg Dwayne.

It's just Dwayne. I don't call you Biological Organism Amsaja.

- Mm-kay? - And Boop.

Boop!

I see. And we are...

Amsaja: I don't need to know who you are,

because you're about to stop being it.

- Attack! - Boop!

- [grunting] - [battle noises]

[roaring]

Uhhh! Aaah! Uhh! Uhh!

Uhh! Whoo! Aaah!

- [panting] Ohh! - Hahh!

- Hyahh! - Whoaaaa!

Aaaaah! Unh!

Hahh! Huhh! Yahh!

Huhh!

Uhh-yeahh!

Hahh! Uhh! [panting] Huh?

Unhhh!

You guys are a little show-offy, huh? Aaah!

Space Pirates put a high value on style and flair.

What can I say?

Whoooaaaahh!

Unhh! [panting]

- [weapon zaps] - Wha--?!

Yeah, you were pretty good, kid.

Sorry it has to end this way.

OMG, I totally wanna be you when I grow up.

Except for the evil part.

- Zaid: Wait! - Huh?

- Zaid! - [weapon zaps]

Ahh. Your timing's as perfect as your hair.

Let's get these pirates!

Whooooo!

Ha ha!

Aaaah! Aaaah!

Whoa!

Cleo!

- [zapping] - Ow!

Noooo!!!

- Go on without me. - Never!

Cleo [echoing]: Never, never...

- Cleo? - Aah!

Were you just imagining you and Zaid fighting side by side

and going out in a romantic blaze of glory?

No. What?! Maybe. A little.

[clears throat] Ooh. Heh heh.

That's Cleopatra. From the Savior Prophecy?

And you know who'd pay a literal ton of credits for her, right? Octavian.

[gasps]

Octavian?! Ooh.

Wouldn't that be kind of awkward, Amsaja?

Argh! How many times do I have to tell you, that was not a date!

We blew up that satellite as friends.

Zaid! You were supposed to save us!

Sorry, snakehead, I'm with the Space Pirates now.

- [cuffs click] - [Cleo gasps]

Didn't I say he'd drag you down with him?

I hate to say I told ya so.

Really? It seems like you're enjoying it.

Yes, it's very satisfying.

M-Maybe this won't be so bad, huh?

These guys seem mega-classy.

Don't let the classiness fool you, OK?

- Pirates are ruthless! - Ostea: Correct.

Amsaja once destroyed a planet just to get an exotic spice

she'd read about in a food blog.

Whatever she has planned for you will be appalling!

Horrific! The stuff of nightmares!

Little step down here.

Terrible beyond comprehension!

[Brian gasps]

Brian: Are we in a museum?

Now I get why the Space Scavengers

are so obsessed with these guys.

Akila: O-M-G!

They have an original Xuxu Von Schnarg!

We have three. Xuxu did a residency here for a while.

We always take our prisoners via the scenic route.

What's the point in stealing nice things if you can't show them off?

Cleo: Check out this weird vasey-thingie.

Don't touch that.

Kinda jumpy about the vase, aren't you?

Must be worth a buttload.

It has...sentimental value.

Boop?

Because I stole it from my ex-boyfriend,

the telepathic space-shark ninja.

Ohh! You really are the coolest!

Yeah, I know.

Now, tour's over.

- Waah! Aaah! - [crackling]

[panting]

Huh. Nice work, Zaid.

Not only are you leading us to the Uta tablet...

[gasps] What?!

...but you also helped me capture the Savior.

Expect a nice bonus.

Zaid! That's...

so messed up!

Yahh! Aaah!

[giggling]

I'm gonna get you for this, Zaid.

I'm gonna get you! Arggh! Gahh! Unhh!

Wow. I thought he was a regular bad boy, but a pirate?

That makes him an elitebad boy.

I'm kind of impressed.

You like him morenow?!

Are you listening to yourself?!

Yahhh!

Gahh!

This is the worst thing ever!

[sighs] Yeah, because Octavian's gonna conquer the galaxy?

No! Because Zaid doesn't like me back!

I think we have different definitions of the word "worst."

[groans] Why do we always wind up locked in cells?

I mean, sure,

this is the nicest cell we've ever been locked in...

but it's the third time this week!

I know things look pretty bad,

but we can brainstorm our way out of it!

Let's pitch ideas! I'll start. OK.

My idea is for us to pitch ideas.

OK, now, Cleo, you go!

Ugh.

Does anything even matter anymore?

I mean, maybe we should just join Octavian.

She's in a heartbreak spiral

and I'm a sympathetic spiraler!

Maybe there's no point to any of this.

Why are we even trying? We should just give up! I--

- [angry chittering] - Good point.

Come on, think! There are no bad ideas.

I know! I could challenge the pirates

to a chundridge-guzzling competition!

Oh! Or I could study hard,

take the pirate exam, become a pirate,

and slowly earn their trust

over the next three-to-seven decades!

Huh. Turns out there arebad ideas.

Yeah, real bad. Steaming pile of bad.

[tablet beeping]

Hey, Ostea. I was thinkin' I'd mess with the prisoners

by taking 'em to that cell with the tacky carpet.

Oh, the green? Such a trashy pattern, right?

Andit clashes with the drapes.

So: you go torture them with poor interior design,

and I'll wrap up the latest issue

of the Space Pirate's Newsletter.

They have a newsletter?! So jelly.

Aaah!

Guys, I'm getting you out of here.

Brian: And why would you do that?

Because I'm not really a pirate.

So you're not an elite bad boy, you're just a regular bad boy?

- That's disappointing. - What?!

Really? Really?!

I grew up around pirates, so I have their trust.

But I've been leading them to a fake Uta tablet.

Just to make a few bucks. C'mon, space is expensive.

Huh?

Yeaahh-uhh! Aaah!

[battle cries continue]

Cut it out! I only told Amsaja you were the Savior

so she'd know you were valuable.

Otherwise, she would have flushed you into space--

without suits!

I bought you some time

so I can sneak you back to your ship!

You shouldn't have been messing with the pirates at all!

I thought you were better than that!

And also,I thought we were going to die together in a romantic blaze of glory,

and now I'm weirdly disappointed that we're alive!

- Uh, what? - Uh, what?

Don't judge me! I said it was weird!

Cleo, we can all agree Zaid's done some dubious stuff,

but he's our best chance for escape right now!

You can still be mad at him,

just don't be so mad

that you don't let him help us!

Ohhh. Fine.

I have a plan to get you out of here,

but you have to do exactly as I say. Cool?

- Cool. - Cool.

[coughs] Cleo! Say "cool!"

I think she's just pretending she can't hear me

because that's how mature she is.

Did someone say something?

Because I can't hear people who I thought were my friends

but it turns out they only care about themselves.

I will go along with the plan,

but I'm still mad at a certain someone whom I cannot see or hear.

All right. Brian, would you tell Cleo

I'm gonna take you back to your ship?

Yeah, sure. And would you tell her

to return my Mistress Punchfire mug?

I said "borrow," not "keep." Unh-unh.

OK. Look, if we come across any pirates,

you have to act like scared prisoners.

Whoo! I love acting!

Maybe I'll be a French character.

Why French? It's a dead language.

Exactly! No one knows if you're doing it right!

Bonjour.Eiffel Tower. Potpourri.

Mwah! Mwah!

I think this character's great!

There's a lot riding on this!

You have to be believable!

Camembert, escargot,

stripey shirts...and mime.

I'm sogetting flushed into space without a suit.

Hey! What's going on here?

Ha! I'm taking these prisoners

to the cell with the ugly chandelier

to mess with them.

Ha! They'll be so aesthetically uncomfortable.

That'll teach 'em.

Ya know, this primitive cyborg

would make for great spare parts.

Primitive?! I may have weird knees,

but I'm a very sophisticated piece

of biosynthetic technology!

Slow your baguettes, Bri-Bri.

I'm going to use your insides to fix a cleaning mech.

Aaah!

No! I mean,

you should probably ask Amsaja first?

She might have other plans for his, uh, insides.

Yeah. Hmm.

Good point.

But I'm taking this!

- Hey! - You'll be fine without it.

A little sweaty, maybe.

I'll show you sweaty!

[gasps]

[straining noises]

Oh. Ha! I thought you were gonna do something,

but you're literally just showing me sweaty.

Wow.

Ohh. That could have been worse.

Does anyone hear someone talking? 'Cause I don't.

Sacre bleu! Croissant!

Fashion and frogs legs!

Wuhh! [thud]

Unhh.

Ahhh.

[beeping]

Zaid: Uh-oh.

Um, hey, Boop.

Boop?

I-I'm just takin' the prisoners

to the cell with the nasty wallpaper.

Boop? Boop-boop-boop, boop, boop, boop?

Oh. Right.

We remodeled that cell into

a tasteful mid-millennium modern motif.

So...I guess, well--

- [chittering] - [booping]

[chittering, booping continues]

[booping, chittering]

[both laughing]

[booping, chittering]

Well, what did she say? It looked like it went well.

- [alarm blaring] - It did not go well.

Run!!!

Did you guys hear something?

'Cause I can't-- Oh, forget it.

Cleo: Come on! Let's cut through here!

Zaid: This way's safer!

I can't hear you!

Arggh! You obviously can!

[all panting]

Akila: Oh, this place is seriously impressive!

I know. I don't want to give props to the pirates,

but they're cool-- terrible, but cool.

Brian: Hurry, before they--

This time, don't worry about capturing them alive!

But if you damage anyof the art,

I will punish you in a way so creative yet horrifying

that I can't even mention it right now! Attack!

Hey! What am I supposed to use for a weapon?

Geeyahh! There! Now you're armed.

I will make you pay for that--

both the statue andthe terrible pun! Uhh!

Isn't it time to stop being mad?

Look, I'll do anything!

I'll even cut my hair if you want.

Not the hair!

[grunting, shouting]

Come on! Not cool, guys!

[chittering, booping]

Good thing my reflexes are 20 times human normal!

Twenty? I'm only 12 times.

Whoo-hoo!

But sometimes that's enough.

Yahhh!

Oopsy-daisy!

[both shout]

Nice save!

That's a valuable 200th century Vlagrobian.

I know. Art history is my middle name.

To be clear: not literally.

Ha! Right.

My middle name's Cleopatra! Which is weird, because...

I was named after my best friend who's from the past!

That must be very awkward for you.

- Yeah, a little. - [both grunting]

I feel like under different circumstances...

we would be friends!

[gasps] Me too!

- Yaaahhh! - [thud] Ohh!

- Sorry! - Just doing your job!

Time to get disassembled, cyborg!

No, thank you. I quite like being...

assembled! Eeeyahh!

How was that supposed to stop me? Ha ha ha!

Boy, you really are a primitive model, aren't you?

Maybe, or maybe I just wanted to distract you.

[robo-gibbering]

I'm so sorry I called you p-p-p-p-p-p-primitive.

You see, like all mean people,

I'm just...insecure...

- [powers down] - [thud]

Whoo! Big fan.

Uhhh!

Ooh, you've got some movies, Zaid.

[both grunting]

Uhh! What?

Whoa! Ahh!

You could have made a great pirate--

if you weren't such a good guy. Yahh!

What?

Looks like you could use some help. Yahh!

- Cleo, you're talking to me again. - No, I'm not.

You are sobad at pretending you can't hear things.

Grrrr!

Heeyahh!

[battle cries]

Uhhh!

Uhhh...uhhh...

Yahhh! Yahh!

Yahhh!

[panting]

Unhhh!

[gasps]

Ahhh...

Aaaah!

Yahhh!

[panting]

You see, this is why

I don't care about anyone or anything.

It only gets you in trouble.

But you docare about something.

[snorts] I don't care about that stupid vase.

Then I guess it doesn't matter

- if I do this. - No!

Looks like I'min a position to bargain.

Darn it, Amsaja, it's Pirate 101.

Never reveal you care about anything.

Pirates, stand down.

- [chittering] - Boop?

Let us go... or the vase gets it.

You know what? You did exactly

what I would have done in your situation.

[Akila laughs nervously]

You really do have a beautiful collection

andexcellent taste. Congratulations!

Huh?

Whoa!

Aw. No more bargain.

[all cry out]

Uhhh-yahh!

Ohhh!

You missed her on purpose!

[snorts] Don't be ridiculous.

I-- I--

No, I didn't.

Yeah. I like those guys too.

Oh. Let's not tell anyone.

Neverreveal you care about anything.

[spacecraft whooshing]

[Zaid panting]

You saved me!

I-I guess that means you forgive me?

No way.

Well, maybe a little...way.

[gasps] Oh, no!

You lost your flippy hair!

[chuckles]

*

- Huh? - [alarm blaring]

The Space Pirates!

There's no way to escape!

We can't go down without a fight!

We'll fight together, Zaid!

- But first... - What?

[loud smooch]

- [panicked grunts] - [gasping]

Mmm...mmm...mmm...

- Cleo? - Huh? Me?!

Heh. I wasn't imagining

me and Zaid going out in a romantic blaze of glory again!

Uh-uh! No way! Hee hee! Hahaha!

Wait. If it's a fantasy,

then why does it always end badly?

I dunno, man. I guess I got some issues.

Wait! I'll try again.

Mmm...mmm...mmm...mmm...

I'm so totally lost right now.

Because your brains were in your flippy hair.

Dummy.

Hmm?

[whooshing]

[music playing]