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00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:03,873
ANNOUNCER (V.O.): Previously on Big Time...
2
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:04,801
Mr. Scoles?
3
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:05,335
That's me.
4
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:09,309
Turns out that Del got
my oldest son hooked on drugs.
5
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:12,440
Hey, Del... you stay away
from Ben and Jack Dolfe.
6
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:13,206
We need you, Del, okay?
7
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,984
BEN (ON PHONE) Cuba Gooding Jr.'s here and he wants to work with us.
8
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:17,383
My best friend needs me.
9
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:22,085
Stupid junkies... never learn.
10
00:00:22,089 --> 00:00:23,159
[BEN]
What the hell was that, Jack?
11
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,617
[JACK]
I don't know, but I think
Cuba just got kidnapped.
12
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,285
Oh, my god--
who the hell are you?
13
00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:29,634
We're gonna have
to have a little talk.
14
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:30,960
What?
15
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:32,325
Drive.
16
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,835
SCOLES (V.O.) I have this dream.
17
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:40,607
( METRONOME TICKING )
18
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:45,408
SCOLES (V.O.) I'm just a boy in my pappy's ranch.
19
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:51,379
And standing right there acros from me is Pappy himself.
20
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:55,315
See, Pappy died when I was just a boy.
21
00:00:55,322 --> 00:01:01,592
But in my dream, he's just standing there looking at me.
22
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:02,955
And I yell over to him, I say...
23
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:07,273
"Hey, Pappy! What are you doin' over there"
24
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:11,766
But Pappy don't say nothing...
25
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,812
so I pull out a snubnose and I plug him twice...
26
00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:18,139
right in the chest, no hesitation.
27
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:24,015
I'm looking down at his wound,blood running down his chest.
28
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:24,978
But when I look up...
29
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:28,815
I realize I'm the one that's bleeding out.
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00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:33,763
And old Pappy... ain't even there.
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Then I wake up, and...
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00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:44,296
I've spent the better part of my
life trying to figure it out.
33
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:48,772
Suddenly I realize
that Pappy don't answer...
34
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:53,246
because there is no answer.
35
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:56,777
There's just death
and that's it.
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00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:00,152
So I'm gonna ask you a question.
37
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:05,264
And... when I start asking
questions...
38
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,459
I'm gonna need an answer.
39
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,501
Okay?
40
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:15,000
Or you're all just as good
as dead, you understand?
41
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,465
Um, yeah.
42
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,313
I'm sorry...
who are you again?
43
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,739
Harvey Scoles.
44
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:30,581
Pleasure to make your
acquaintance.
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00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:36,594
¶ Rainbow whoa oh whoa oh ¶
46
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:40,490
¶ Rainbow ¶
47
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:44,328
Okay, um, sir?
48
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:47,331
If I can just-- if this
is about what happened...
49
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:50,544
on the last episode
of To Catch a Paparazzi...
50
00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:53,768
it was really just, I think,
a huge misunderstanding.
51
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,644
To catch a papa what?
52
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:56,183
It's a show.
53
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:57,807
We ambush paparazzi scum...
Yeah.
54
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,911
...and we shove a camera in
their face and we ask them...
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00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:02,654
how they like it? It's--
56
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:03,680
A show, huh?
57
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:04,584
Yeah, I guess, sure.
58
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:07,515
In hindsight, it didn't do well.
Yeah.
59
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,762
I got an idea for a show.
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00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:13,087
It's called
How To Catch a Prick.
61
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:18,963
Yeah, and you guys
are in the first episode.
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00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,226
Are you shooting it
right now?
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00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:23,144
See, what happens is,
I take my .38 special...
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00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:26,507
and I stick it right
in the mouth of a prick.
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00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:28,467
Oh!
And then I say...
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00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:30,975
Is it loaded?
Oh!
67
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,978
Hold on! Hold on!
Hold on, okay?
68
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,880
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Wait for what? Shut up, you!
69
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,782
Hold on! Del will blow you!
Oh, no!
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00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:39,454
Yeah, Del, suck his [BLEEP]!
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00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:43,918
Listen, you better start talking
and tell me what you're hiding!
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00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,294
We're not hiding anything,
I swear to God, okay!
73
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:49,363
Cuba Gooding Jr.
made us do this!
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00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,063
Agh!
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00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:52,704
Okay! Okay! We'll tell you
whatever you want!
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00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:57,270
I promise you, we will tell you
whatever you want to know.
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00:03:57,438 --> 00:04:01,968
All right, then, let's start
from the beginning.
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00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:06,176
( SOFT ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
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00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:10,247
Oh, gosh-darn it, did I forget
a butter substitute?
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00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,521
That's gonna be a biggie.
81
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:14,248
[DIANA] Alan? Alan!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:17,155
Here, here... come on.
[DIANA] Okay.
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00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:18,957
It's a surprise.
Where are we?
84
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:23,429
Okay, now have a seat.
Sit down, there's a chair.
Oh, sitting. Ah! Oh!
85
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,300
And... walla.
86
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:30,039
Oh!
I have prepared a romantic
evening for the two of us.
87
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:30,597
Oh, Alan...
88
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,104
We have pot roast.
Uh-huh.
89
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:35,106
We have demi-glaced carrots.
Mmm.
90
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:35,839
Actually, you know what?
91
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:39,243
I'm not really sure that
demi-glaced is the correct term.
92
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:40,606
It looks wonderful.
93
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,584
How about a little wine,
my lady?
Oh, please.
94
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:44,524
Oh, a screw top, huh?
95
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,918
Well, you know, many modern,
expensive wines...
96
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,590
actually use screw tops now.
97
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,559
So that's an expensive bottle,
huh?
98
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,587
This one in particular?
Mm-hm.
99
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,833
No.
100
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,698
[JACK] I mean, basically, we
didn't want to get kicked out...
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00:04:56,697 --> 00:05:00,127
of our house and obviously
we didn't mean for Jimmy
to get hurt.
102
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:02,904
[JACK] And we don't know what
the hell is going on with Cuba.
103
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:06,643
[JACK] I mean, we just want
to make our movies.
104
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,940
And that's pretty much it.
105
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,842
Yep.
106
00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:20,347
So this Jimmy Staats
was an actor.
107
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:21,624
Is that what you're saying?
108
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:24,962
Yes, sir, he was a--
he was an actor.
109
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,218
Right...
110
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:30,626
and together you got him killed.
111
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,961
We-- we really didn't mean
for it to happen.
112
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,726
No, no, it was--
You have to believe us.
113
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:37,665
It was an accident.
We are so, so sorry.
114
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,441
You have to understand.
115
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,239
I swear, we didn't mean for it--
just how-- it just happened.
116
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:44,511
Please, please, don't kill us.
117
00:05:55,989 --> 00:06:02,559
You know... you three
are probably the biggest
morons on the whole planet.
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00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,634
We really are.
119
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,672
[JACK]
We are the stupid--
120
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:11,298
And Del is the dumbest one.
He's-- he is.
121
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,077
No, no, no, no.
I am positive of this.
122
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:22,479
It was on the third date
that I cooked for you...
123
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:25,323
because that is when
I won you over.
124
00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:29,519
Oh, no, not with your cooking,
Alan.
125
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:32,223
It was that leather jacket.
126
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:34,426
I might just still have that.
127
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:37,128
Ooh, I hope so.
128
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:38,331
Mm.
Mm.
129
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:41,472
Uh, a little more wine?
Mm-hm.
130
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,298
That screw top wine's delicious.
131
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,443
It only cost $3.99.
132
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:46,539
[DIANA]
No way.
133
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,570
[SCOLES] Here you go, buddy.
[JACK] Yeah!
134
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,375
Here you go, here.
135
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,477
( LAUGHING )
136
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:53,979
It is harsh.
137
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,611
I never drank before.
138
00:06:55,616 --> 00:07:00,086
You're so stupid, you let your
little brother convince you...
139
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,687
that you were a dope addict.
140
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:04,958
Yeah, I went to rehab...
and it was awful.
141
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:08,858
He's a jackass. You'll do
anything he says, won't you?
142
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:12,902
Yeah, I guess I will.
143
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:13,930
[JACK] Ooh.
144
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,374
Move over. Move over, guys.
Ah, get in here,
sit down with us.
145
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:19,070
Let me sit down.
No, you're the best!
146
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:22,972
Oh, easy, Del! He holds his
liquor like a 90-pound girl.
147
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,546
Except he weighs about as much
as a double-wide trailer.
148
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,247
I'm fat.
149
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,707
He lives in a trailer!
150
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:33,423
Even I can afford to live
in a motel.
151
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:38,524
Hey, remember, you remember
I kept sticking that gun
in your mouth?
152
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:39,755
Yeah.
153
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:44,530
Is is loaded? Like,
is it loaded? Is it loaded?
154
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:45,631
That's me!
155
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,072
( GUN FIRES )
Agh!
156
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:52,138
( ALL YELLING )
157
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,108
Oh, my god! Oh!
158
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,780
What was that, Jack?
I don't know! I don't know!
159
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,480
What happened?
I have no idea!
160
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:05,382
He just-- he put a gun in his
mouth, asked if it was loaded...
161
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,985
and then shot himself!
162
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,487
Why would he do that
to himself?
163
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:09,819
I don't know!
164
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,423
( HEAVY BREATHING )
165
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,525
Del!
166
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:18,960
I don't think he's
gonna make it, Jack!
167
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,966
What are you doing?
168
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,938
Have you seen
a single episode of CSI?
169
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,037
Miami or New York?
170
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:28,568
Your DNA is all
over the f- body!
171
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:29,035
Jack!
172
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:32,142
What are we gonna do?
The police are definitely
gonna know we were here!
173
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,175
Yes, don't you think
I know that? Shut up!
174
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:38,451
Well, do you really want to try
and explain that to them?
175
00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:41,592
Think, think, think...
176
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:43,318
No!
Okay, okay, okay--
177
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,093
Okay, here's the plan.
178
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:47,391
We gotta wash all your goddamn
saliva off the body!
179
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:47,894
Yes, yes!
180
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,325
We need to clean up any evidence
that proves we were here.
181
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,600
Yes.
When the cops come in...
182
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:54,598
we want them to go,
"Yep, classic suicide...
183
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:57,071
"case closed, let's get
some doughnuts."
184
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,400
But it was a suicide.
185
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,065
Which is exactly what they
would have thought...
186
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:03,073
if you hadn't slobbered
all over his goddamn body!
187
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,876
I am CPR certified!
188
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,509
You shut up!
Agh! Agh!
189
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:10,115
Alan, you are so bad!
190
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,147
No, no, no, I'm not--
I'm just saying...
191
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:14,751
now that the boys are out
of the house, maybe every once
in a while, we could--
192
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:18,455
Oh, honey, honey, please,
please, let's just--
193
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,518
Let's enjoy this walk.
Okay.
194
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,926
Name me three things better
than a good walk.
195
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,999
Oh, I can name you three.
Oh, you--
196
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:28,697
But no, I was gonna say
walking to the bedroom--
You stop.
197
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,303
Oh, no.
Oh, my!
198
00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:33,365
[ALAN]
For the love of Saint Pete.
199
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,473
Oh, god.
No.
200
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:37,244
Well, at least Ben
has an alibi this time.
201
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:40,154
Oh, gosh,
this is on there good.
202
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:44,254
Yeah, they got it
in my mouth.
203
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:49,893
Harvey Scoles, P.I.
Private investigator.
204
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,420
He's a private investigator?
205
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:52,515
Hello? I mean--
206
00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:57,996
Harvey Scoles, Room 19, yeah,
I'm gonna need a ton of bleach.
207
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,898
Uh, why? Because I, uh--
208
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:01,831
[BLEEP] himself.
209
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:02,565
I crapped myself.
210
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:05,899
No, don't come in,
it's everywhere,
floor, ceiling, walls.
211
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:09,006
So, yeah, can you just drop
it off at the door?
212
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,339
Okay, thanks, Toots.
213
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:14,914
Oh, Jack, why the hell
is a private investigator
following us?
214
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:15,945
I mean, come on!
215
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,479
I have no freakin' clue.
216
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:18,884
I don't even think he was
following us.
217
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,315
I thought he was following Del.
218
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,220
What?
Del, why the hell was a privat--
219
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,827
Goddamn it!
What are you doing?
220
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,387
I thought I saw him breathe!
221
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:31,225
He's not breathing!
He shot himself in the head!
222
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,331
( GUN FIRES )
Oh! Oh!
223
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,666
What the hell was that?
224
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:41,211
I think he shot himself
in the head again.
225
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,308
What?
226
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,480
What? Jack?
227
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:48,209
You stupid asshole...
228
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:51,145
Okay, maybe the first bullet
didn't kill him.
229
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:54,421
So he decided that yes,
he still wanted to die...
230
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:59,661
and shot himself again
a second time.
231
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,055
Okay.
232
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,203
Still suicide.
233
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:11,670
Okay... okay.
234
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:16,809
Okay.
235
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,280
[DIANA] Look at that.
[ALAN] Look at us.
236
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,078
[DIANA] Look at you.
[ALAN] The gruesome threesome.
237
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:24,021
( BOTH LAUGHING )
238
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,277
[DIANA] Oh, this is fun.
[ALAN] Uh-oh!
239
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,846
Oh! Do you remember that?
240
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,715
Of course, I do.
Oh, my god.
241
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:33,024
World's #1 Bald Asshole.
242
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:37,196
Yeah, you know, I gotta say,
even though that kind of hurt
my feelings a little bit...
243
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,797
it's still pretty creative
for a six-year-old.
244
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:44,340
It's so smart.
Smart boy.
245
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:45,967
Ah!
Ah!
246
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:47,712
Mm.
Mm-hm.
247
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:52,778
What do you say
we go to our room? Hm?
248
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:53,909
For real?
Want to?
249
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:57,524
Yeah, I say to that, my lady...
250
00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:00,887
A-okay.
251
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,087
I got it.
252
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:05,662
Oh, thank god.
253
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:08,189
Hopefully the police won't
notice there's two holes.
254
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:08,955
We are ready for bleach.
255
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,162
Okay, good, put some on his lips
and a little on his head...
256
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:15,304
because Del just fished out the
bullet with his bare hand.
257
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,740
Oh! What the hell
are you doing?
258
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,169
I'm pouring the bleach on him.
259
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,643
Yeah, well, you're dumping it
all over the place.
260
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:23,682
So.
So?
261
00:12:23,677 --> 00:12:27,907
What, he just shot himself
in the head and then kind
of showered himself in bleach?
262
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:28,914
You know what?
I don't know, Jack!
263
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,715
Because this is the first
time I watched someone
commit suicide...
264
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:35,988
then tried to cover it up
to make it look like he
committed suicide!
265
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:41,089
Okay, well, great. Del,
help me get his clothes off.
266
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,494
Goddamn it.
267
00:12:42,496 --> 00:12:44,896
Sick and tired of doing
everything myself.
268
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:49,128
What? We are only in this
situation because of you!
269
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,866
Because of me?
Yeah!
270
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,501
I can't wait to hear this one.
271
00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:53,766
Oh, you want to hear this?
Yeah.
272
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,274
All right, does this sound
familiar?
273
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:58,335
Hey, Ben, how about we extort
$20,000 from our parents...
274
00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,435
because that sounds like a good
idea.
275
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:05,016
Oh, yeah, and if the police
hadn't showed up, we would
have $20,000!
276
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,688
Oh... my god!
Oh! Goddamn it!
277
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,187
What the hell is that?
278
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:12,489
He's still alive.
279
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:16,662
Okay, I googled it,
it's called a "death erection".
280
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:17,403
Ugh...
Ugh...
281
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,697
It happens when you die
from severe head trauma.
282
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:20,369
So, it's legit.
283
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:24,937
Yeah, that is your legit,
classic suicide, just like
you wanted.
284
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:27,038
Okay, okay, hold on.
285
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,040
I think we can use this.
286
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:31,841
What is this guy? This guy is a
desperate, lonely drunk.
287
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:35,205
So what do desperate, lonely
guys with erections do in motel
rooms?
288
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:37,845
Apparently, he shoots himself
twice in the head...
289
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:40,051
and then douses himself
in bleach.
290
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,723
No.
291
00:13:42,556 --> 00:13:44,916
What are you doing?
I got an idea.
292
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,325
Yes! His phone!
293
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,657
Here we go.
294
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:52,562
Seven calls this week
to a D.D... D.D.
295
00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:54,226
D.D...
Danny Devito.
296
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,104
Donald Duck.
297
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:55,871
Like Double D.
Boobs!
298
00:13:55,869 --> 00:14:00,239
Yes! Some slut comes to visit
him in the motel room,
that's perfect!
299
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,580
Gentlemen, I give you the
ultimate physical evidence...
300
00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:07,807
of a sexually frustrated drunk
at the end of his rope...
301
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:10,854
An ill-advised dick pic
sent to a hooker.
302
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,181
What if D.D. is a guy?
303
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,915
None of that matters anymore,
Ben. Join the 21st century.
304
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:17,561
Del, take his dick out.
Okay.
305
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:18,988
[ALAN]
Kitty cat...
306
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:21,932
( DIANA GIGGLING )
307
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,458
You're such an animal.
308
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,003
Oh, come on, it's 3:00
in the morning!
Oh!
309
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:28,098
Oh, well, honey, let's just
check. It could be the boys.
[ALAN] Leave it alone.
310
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,201
I don't want it to be the boys.
311
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,642
Well, let's just see.
Just in case.
312
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:35,738
Okay... so who's arm
is that?
313
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:46,118
And, uh... sincerely--
314
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:48,889
No wait... love.
315
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:52,019
Love... Harvey.
316
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,426
Harvey.
317
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,187
Okay, read it back.
318
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,196
I killed myself. Love, Harvey.
319
00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:01,268
Yeah, good, all right,
let's put it on his chest...
320
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:03,898
change our clothes
and get the hell out of here.
321
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:06,604
Alan, please, let me explain
the situation.
322
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,366
Hey, I've already seen
the situation...
323
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,835
and that horse made me
feel like half of a man!
324
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:13,444
Alan, look at me.
Listen to me.
325
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,206
I promise you I am not
having an affair.
326
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:18,545
This picture came from a private
investigator that I hired...
327
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,991
to keep an eye out on the boys!
328
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:21,717
Private investigator?
329
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:25,191
Yes, I always knew he was weird,
but this is just crazy.
330
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:27,691
I love you, Alan.
I love you.
331
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:30,034
I would never want
anyone else.
332
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:32,560
Well, that doesn't make me
any less ticked off!
333
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:36,325
We had a discussion about the
private investigator!
334
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,036
And you went around
behind my back anyway.
335
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:41,008
Well, I was worried about
the boys. I wanted to be
sure they were safe.
336
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:43,777
I know how to look out
for my own children.
337
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:47,577
Alan, I love you, honey, but
you're not that kind of man.
338
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,350
You're a sweet man.
339
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,149
That's a good thing.
340
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:55,751
Well, if you need this sweet
man, he's gonna be down
on the couch.
341
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:59,515
Sweetie? Sweetie, I'm sorry!
342
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:11,339
Okay... yeah.
What do we think?
343
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,008
Great, all right!
Let's go!
344
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,793
[FEMALE OPERATOR]You have reached the voicemailbox of...
345
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:36,925
[SCOLES]
Harvey Scoles.
346
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:41,800
Hey, there, Mr. Private
Investigator, listen up!
347
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,331
This is Alan Dolfe.
348
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:48,036
I'm calling you and warning
you to stay the hell away
from my wife!
349
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,271
How dare you send her
a picture of your--
350
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:52,335
[OPERATOR] If you're satisfiedwith your message, press 1...
What? Oh, oh--
351
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,175
...or hang up.
Come on.
352
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,109
To re-record, press 2.
Oh, gosh-dang it!
353
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,415
Or just say, record message.
No!
354
00:16:57,417 --> 00:17:00,047
Record message?
355
00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:04,993
Hello, this is Alan Dolfe.
Listen up, you S.O.B.
356
00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:07,061
I just happened to see
that little--
357
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:10,930
oh, and I do mean little,
picture you sent my wife!
358
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,400
I will thank you
to keep away from her...
359
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,070
and you will thank me for not
coming over there and whompin'--
360
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,968
[OPERATOR] If you're satisfied with your message, press 1.
361
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:20,610
No! No! Son of a bitch!
362
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:24,577
...or just say, record message.
Re-record message.
363
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:30,845
You are gonna pay for what
you did to my wife.
364
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:33,580
Oh, good heavens...
365
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:43,132
Okay, I've been thinking about
it, and I think that what we
should do...
366
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:47,029
if anybody asks, is just say
that, I don't know,
we were out--
367
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,233
I'm done, Jack.
What?
368
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,195
I'm done.
369
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:54,473
I don't want to invent
any more stories, or stick
to the plan anymore.
370
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:58,784
I just want to have a normal
life, like Mom and Dad
are always saying.
371
00:17:58,778 --> 00:17:59,638
What are you talking about?
372
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:03,146
I mean, even Harvey said it. He
said, you listen to everything
your brother tells you.
373
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:06,719
You do whatever he says, like
I'm your puppet or something.
374
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:08,349
Harvey? What?
375
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:10,924
Yes, it's been a hell
of a night...
376
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:13,624
but we are so close, okay?
377
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,386
We're not close!
And if Cuba Gooding--
378
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,755
We're not close, Jack.
379
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:21,534
We've-- we've never
even been close.
380
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,335
Do you want to quit the dream?
381
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:27,707
The dream?
382
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:31,807
In the last week,
I've gotten a man killed...
383
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:35,051
lied to the police,
tried to flee the country...
384
00:18:35,048 --> 00:18:40,278
checked myself into rehab, was
almost raped, and then pumped
full of lithium...
385
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:47,256
broke into some random family's
house, and tortured some
school teacher...
386
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:51,900
was kidnapped, and then had a
gun shot into my mouth...
387
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:57,268
which, by the way, was one
chamber from killing me!
388
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,340
It's been a bad week!
389
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,239
You think?
390
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:00,970
How is that my fault?
391
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,144
You know what? The crazy thing
is, it's not your fault.
392
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:08,453
It's just as much my fault
for listening to anything you
ever say!
393
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:13,018
Okay, if you really want out,
there's the door!
394
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,217
Good! I'm gonna go then!
395
00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:18,993
Fine.
396
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:24,002
I guess you're just not
cut out for the Biz.
397
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:26,197
I guess you're right.
398
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,643
So long, brother.
399
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:40,748
You know, we can still
be a team, Jack.
400
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:45,677
[JACK]
I'm not in the mood
for jokes, Del.
401
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,280
[MALLOY]
Got the pictures?
402
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:31,558
[MALLOY] Bingo. All right,
everybody listen up.
403
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,004
My name is Special Agent
Everett Malloy.
404
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:38,670
From now on, you will answer
to me and only me.
405
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:44,641
Congratulations... this
investigation just went federal.
406
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:53,821
Hey, Dad.
407
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:55,890
Ben?
408
00:20:55,888 --> 00:21:00,258
I'm clean.
409
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:11,768
We need to give the people
a taste of what's to come.
410
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,341
I want to be the son
that you can be proud of.
411
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:18,340
I need a warrant for
surveillance on the Dolfe home.
412
00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:19,614
Hey.
Hi.
413
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,382
It looks pretty far, Jack.
414
00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:22,381
Action.
415
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:22,412
( LOUD THUD )
[DEL] Agh!
31622
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