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1
00:00:23,889 --> 00:00:26,491
I know, I know, I'm late.
2
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:28,760
But then again, I'm inexpensive.
3
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,595
That's the trade-off.
4
00:00:31,964 --> 00:00:34,432
What--?
What is my book doing out here?
5
00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:36,467
Well, since you were late,
I thought I'd get a jump
6
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:38,270
on diagnosing the patients.
7
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:41,673
Mr. Ross here is complaining
about swelling of the ankles,
8
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:45,977
and that could mean
congestive heart failure,
9
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,679
kidney disease,
10
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:51,249
or a large obstructing
ovarian mass.
11
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:54,118
His ovaries, huh?
12
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,087
You know, I think it's time
for you and Margaret
13
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:58,222
to have that little chat
you've been putting off.
14
00:00:59,258 --> 00:01:00,959
Mr. Ross,
swelling of the ankles
15
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,128
is a common side effect
when you're on nephedipine.
16
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,196
Give me a sec and I'll
switch you to something new.
17
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:07,866
That is, if my colleague
is in agreement.
18
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:08,900
Good call.
19
00:01:11,170 --> 00:01:13,138
Good morning, John.
Yeah, Margaret.
20
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:14,839
Linda had this out front.
21
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:17,708
Before she performs
a hysterectomy on Mr. Ross,
22
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:19,644
I think we need
some new rules around here.
23
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,013
Whatever's in my office
stays in my office.
24
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,882
My office, my stuff.
25
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,649
Oh, yeah, one other thing.
26
00:01:25,651 --> 00:01:28,887
Did you get those travel
brochures I asked you for?
27
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,755
Oh, not the
vacation dance again.
28
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,757
John, we go through this
every year.
29
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,025
I get the brochures,
30
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:36,328
I clear your calendar,
and then you don't go.
31
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,863
Besides, you find a problem
32
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,698
with every single place
I suggest.
33
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,066
I do not.
34
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,534
Okay.
35
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,803
How about two weeks in France?
36
00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:47,506
With the French?
Oh!
37
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,207
Come on, Margaret.
38
00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,309
Find me someplace
decent to stay, will you?
39
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:53,178
What a pain.
40
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,480
I heard that.
You were supposed to.
41
00:01:58,584 --> 00:02:00,485
Margaret?
42
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:02,254
What's wrong now?
43
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,022
What is this cat doing in here?
44
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:06,691
At the moment,
I would say licking himself.
45
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:09,360
But that's as specific
as I care to get.
46
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,162
How did it get in here?
47
00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:13,498
Probably through the window
in the exam room.
48
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,934
I told you that latch
keeps coming open.
49
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:18,869
Yeah, I told you to call that
slack-ass of a handyman,
50
00:02:18,871 --> 00:02:21,172
Milveski, to get
over here and fix it.
51
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:23,975
Now, in the meantime,
just get rid of the cat.
52
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,943
Uh-uh.
Not my problem. Remember?
53
00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:28,680
Your office, your stuff.
54
00:02:34,153 --> 00:02:36,721
G-go away. Shoo, shoo.
55
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:40,959
Look, a mouse.
56
00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:46,965
Okay, Mrs. Reuben,
you're all set.
57
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,833
And happy birthday.
58
00:02:50,836 --> 00:02:52,670
Margaret, it's
Mrs. Reuben's birthday.
59
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,106
Can you believe she's only 39?
60
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:59,243
Heh. She's got stretch marks
older than 39.
61
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:01,212
Hey, we have
the patients' birthdays
62
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,547
in their charts,
63
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:05,050
so if they should happen to come
in on their birthdays,
64
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:06,985
why don't we have
a little party for them?
65
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,286
No.
66
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,988
Yes, uh, this is
Dr. Becker's office.
67
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:13,491
I'm calling Mr. Milveski
about our window.
68
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:16,361
But people love birthdays,
and people hate doctors.
69
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,130
And people hate going to
the doctor's on their birthday.
70
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,633
But if you have to go to the
doctor on their birthdays,
71
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,535
then wouldn't it be nice
to go to a doctor who knew
72
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,769
it was your birthday and helped
you celebrate your birth--?
73
00:03:25,771 --> 00:03:29,774
Linda, Linda.
Why don't you go ask the doctor?
74
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:32,443
He's in an extra
good mood today.
75
00:03:33,512 --> 00:03:35,981
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
76
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,016
Hey, Dr. Becker?
77
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,885
Do we ever acknowledge
our patients' birthdays?
78
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,555
Only when they stop having them.
79
00:03:46,325 --> 00:03:48,626
John, the window can't be fixed
until Thursday.
80
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:50,728
What? How long does it take
to get a latch,
81
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,430
two screws and one arthritic
old slack-ass with a tool box?
82
00:03:53,432 --> 00:03:54,799
I tell you something,
83
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,669
Milveski better have a damn good
reason for not being here.
84
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,471
He died last year.
85
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:03,207
All right then,
that's a damn good reason.
86
00:04:13,986 --> 00:04:16,120
Uh, John?
87
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,289
Can I ask you something?
Yeah.
88
00:04:19,825 --> 00:04:23,094
Do you think it's weird
to have a dream about a friend?
89
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,696
What kind of--?
What kind of dream?
90
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:28,266
A very erotic dream.
91
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,834
I don't think I like
where this is going.
92
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:33,004
Oh, no, no, no, not--
Not about you.
93
00:04:34,473 --> 00:04:36,841
Reggie. Well, at least
I think it was Reggie.
94
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,209
I've never actually
seen her.
95
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,111
So tell me,
what does she look like?
96
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,781
Reg? Well, she has days
she puts herself together
97
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:46,217
you don't look away in fear.
98
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,386
Because-- Because in my dream,
she was awesome.
99
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:52,123
I mean, smooth, creamy skin,
full lips, gorgeous eyes.
100
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,259
She was the best of
every woman I've ever seen.
101
00:04:56,128 --> 00:04:58,730
So Jake, this, uh--
102
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,065
This dream,
tell me more about it.
103
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,267
Reggie and I are alone
in the diner.
104
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,536
It's closing time, right?
105
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,071
Suddenly she comes over
to the newsstand,
106
00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,908
takes me by the hand
and pulls me over to this booth.
107
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,710
Then she pushes me down
and kisses me.
108
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,813
And I'm telling you,
this is maybe the best kiss
109
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,948
I've ever had in my entire life.
110
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:20,618
Next thing I know, we're tearing
each other's clothes off, right?
111
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,654
Oh, give me a break.
112
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,890
Oh, God. Thanks a lot, John.
113
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,892
Couldn't resist.
114
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:30,328
What is it with guys
and tearing clothes off?
115
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,363
Don't you ever dream
of unbuttoning clothes
116
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:35,233
and neatly folding them
over a chair?
117
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:38,436
Look, Reg, I'm really sorry.
It was just a dream.
118
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:39,738
No big deal.
119
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,240
But do me a favor, the next time
you have a dream about us,
120
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,109
could it be somewhere exotic?
121
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:48,479
Even in your dreams, I can't
get out of this lousy diner.
122
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:52,951
So, uh-- So Jake,
123
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,686
this thing with
you and Reggie.
124
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,521
What, a one-night stand?
125
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,256
No, it's been every night
this week.
126
00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:01,959
It's like she's insatiable.
127
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:03,694
Bob can't believe
what he's hearing.
128
00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:05,162
Oh, damn it, John.
129
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:08,366
I didn't see him.
I swear to God.
130
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,201
Reggie, how could you?
131
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,470
You slept with him?
132
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:14,405
Hey, hey,
what's wrong with him?
133
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:15,673
You're blind.
134
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:18,109
You can't even enjoy
the best parts of sex.
135
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,645
You can't see the mirror
over the bed.
136
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:23,281
You can't adjust the camcorder.
137
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:26,484
Hell, you can't even see
your friends cheering you on.
138
00:06:27,853 --> 00:06:29,954
Come on, Slim, if you lowered
your standards enough
139
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:33,557
to sleep with Mr. Ray-Ban here,
why not me?
140
00:06:34,526 --> 00:06:37,429
Bob, you make my skin crawl.
141
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:38,596
Well,
142
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:41,132
give me half a chance,
I can make it roll over and beg.
143
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:54,011
Mrs. Davis, hypoglycemia
is a very manageable condition.
144
00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:56,347
Just watch your diet
and stay away from those sweets.
145
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:59,350
Okay. Thank you, Dr. Becker.
146
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:02,854
Hi, it's Mrs. Garland's
birthday. Have a cupcake.
147
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,723
Thank you, no.
148
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,425
Oh, come on. It's a party.
149
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,894
No, I, uh--
I really shouldn't.
150
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:13,164
Oh, come on.
What's it gonna do, kill you?
151
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,399
What's the point of living
152
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,734
if you can't have a little
chocolate?
153
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:19,537
Well, okay.
154
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:20,504
Yea.
155
00:07:22,641 --> 00:07:26,110
Oh, good, Mrs. Davis,
you lasted what, ten seconds?
156
00:07:26,812 --> 00:07:28,713
I'll start tomorrow.
157
00:07:30,582 --> 00:07:33,251
Hey, Linda, nice work.
158
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:34,885
Yeah, I got a patient coming in
a little while
159
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:36,020
with cirrhosis of the liver.
160
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:38,756
Maybe you could have
a margarita waiting for him.
161
00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:42,293
John?
Yeah?
162
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,329
I spoke to the travel agent.
163
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,097
What do you think
about a cruise?
164
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,565
Oh, great idea.
165
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,101
Bunch of people I don't know
doing things I can't stand
166
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,471
in a place I can't escape from.
167
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,140
I've got a place you can go.
168
00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:03,214
Mr. Bursky, I think we're gonna
need to order some tests here.
169
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,517
Uh, you're gonna need
some blood work, EKG,
170
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:07,919
MRI and maybe an EEG.
171
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:12,089
Why not an FBI, REM,
and WXYZ while you're at it?
172
00:08:12,691 --> 00:08:13,925
Excuse me?
173
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:14,892
You doctors and your tests.
174
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:16,093
Anything to run up a tab.
175
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:18,196
It's just a couple of
fainting spells.
176
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,965
I see. Now, what tests
do you suggest we cancel?
177
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,333
How should I know?
178
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,500
Well, here's an idea.
179
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:24,869
Why don't we consult a doctor?
180
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:27,371
Oh, lucky for you,
we have one right here.
181
00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:28,772
All right, let's see now.
182
00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:30,274
Well,
the fainting spells could mean
183
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:32,410
that you're having episodes
of heart block.
184
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,712
And if we missed that, you--
You could die.
185
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:37,181
Or maybe the fainting
is because of seizures,
186
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,183
and if we don't get you
on the right medicine,
187
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,819
you could, uh-- Shoot. What's
that word I'm looking for?
188
00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:43,921
Oh, yeah, die.
189
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,823
You sensing a pattern here?
190
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,393
You know, I'll tell you what,
you're so smart,
191
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:49,994
why don't you just look
at your own chart there
192
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:53,531
and tell Margaret which
tests you'd like to take?
193
00:08:54,466 --> 00:08:57,901
What a pant load.
194
00:08:59,905 --> 00:09:01,706
Margaret?
195
00:09:03,108 --> 00:09:05,142
You mind telling me
why this damn cat
196
00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:06,844
keeps coming into my office?
197
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,045
I don't know, John.
198
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:10,047
Maybe he was bad
and the other cats
199
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,082
sent him here for punishment.
200
00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:15,420
Oh, look, a kitty.
201
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,523
When I was little,
I had a cat just like this.
202
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:21,426
Oh, he was the cutest thing
I ever saw,
203
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:23,561
until he took a nap
in the dryer.
204
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,364
He was never quite
the same after that.
205
00:09:27,933 --> 00:09:29,967
Margaret, I don't care.
You know, take it to the woods,
206
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:31,435
put it out on the street,
207
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,204
I don't care,
just get rid of it.
208
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:36,974
Just to be clear,
we are talking about the cat.
209
00:09:40,945 --> 00:09:44,781
Doctor, I don't think
this kitty's feeling very well.
210
00:09:44,783 --> 00:09:46,783
He's really hot
and he's trembling.
211
00:09:48,053 --> 00:09:50,521
You know something?
You're right.
212
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:51,823
Can't you do something?
213
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,123
You do something.
214
00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:55,627
You know, take him somewhere.
Take him to the pound.
215
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,728
Oh, no, not the pound
because if no one claims him,
216
00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:59,329
they'll put him to sleep.
217
00:09:59,331 --> 00:10:00,998
And that's not
really sleep, doctor--
218
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,600
I know, I know, I know.
219
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,869
You know, take him
to the vet, then.
220
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:07,605
Well, I would,
but I have to be downtown by 6.
221
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,841
And I don't wanna be late
for my best friend's wedding
222
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:13,644
'cause there's a real good
chance she could go into labor.
223
00:10:15,213 --> 00:10:16,714
Well, fine, fine.
Margaret, please--
224
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:17,982
Now, I would,
225
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:21,019
but I've got a helpless animal
of my own at home,
226
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:24,122
and we are having dinner
with his parents tonight.
227
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,756
Fine. You know, fine.
228
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,591
Like I don't have enough
two-legged patients
229
00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:29,126
to take care of around here.
230
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:31,562
Open up the ark, you know,
let in all the animals.
231
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:35,966
Between Mrs. Kramer's cataracts
and Mr. Santiago's arthritis,
232
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:37,902
I suppose I could
fit in a grooming
233
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:40,871
and the occasional flea dip.
234
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:42,272
Actually, you know,
235
00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:45,342
some of our patients
could use a good flea dip.
236
00:10:53,084 --> 00:10:56,053
Oh, you wittle angel, you.
237
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:58,722
Your daddy must wuv you
very much.
238
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:00,758
Yes, he does.
239
00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:04,028
Get away from us.
240
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:22,046
Dr. Becker?
Yeah.
241
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:24,515
Harvey Cohen.
Yeah, so, what's the story?
242
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:28,252
Well, near as I can see,
you've got a sick cat.
243
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:31,923
Well, slow down, you know.
Give it to me in layman's terms.
244
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,257
Look, I'm not gonna find
anything out
245
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,859
unless we run some tests.
246
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,928
I mean, we need to do
a complete blood work-up,
247
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:39,564
plus check for metabolic
disorders, rule out F.I.--
248
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,599
What is it with you vets
and all these tests?
249
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:44,202
It's just a sick cat,
for God's sake.
250
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:47,371
Oh. Well, since you're
the expert, here.
251
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:50,274
Your call.
Just be sure not to overlook
252
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:53,410
idiopathy, cardiomyopathy,
intestinal lymphoma--
253
00:11:53,412 --> 00:11:56,481
All right, all right, smartass.
254
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,849
Look, I know
this can get expensive.
255
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,985
Uh, if you don't wanna spend
the money--
256
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:02,719
I mean, this is an older animal.
257
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,756
--I suppose you could choose
to--
258
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:08,025
Hey, hey, Dr. Kevorkian,
take it easy, will you?
259
00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:11,128
Just do the tests
and call my office.
260
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,463
Okay.
261
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,132
By the way,
what's the cat's name?
262
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:15,733
It doesn't have a name.
263
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,369
You must love him very much.
264
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:21,606
Fine. Put down Harvey Cohen.
265
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,007
You're naming the cat after me?
266
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:25,275
Why not? It'd be easy for you
give up
267
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:26,878
on a Muffin or a Mittens,
268
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,480
but you might have to think
twice before you pull the plug
269
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,214
on Harvey Cohen.
270
00:12:39,257 --> 00:12:41,926
Okay, here's how
I got it figured.
271
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,428
You slept with Squinty here,
272
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:47,098
so why not extend your open door
policy and give me a shot?
273
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:47,865
Give me a gun.
274
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,367
Come on.
275
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,969
Let Bob show you what he's got.
Bob is nimble.
276
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:53,371
Bob is agile.
277
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:57,174
Hell, sometimes Bob is so good,
he screams out his own name.
278
00:12:58,410 --> 00:12:59,944
Come on, Reg,
279
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,111
what do I gotta do?
280
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,479
Well,
281
00:13:02,481 --> 00:13:04,415
I've always thought
it would be romantic for a man
282
00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:08,152
to prove his love
by committing suicide for me.
283
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,856
Bob is disturbed.
284
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:14,324
Yet encouraged
by the give and take.
285
00:13:15,793 --> 00:13:17,595
Doc.
Dork.
286
00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:23,100
Becker, Margaret called
and said to tell you
287
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:25,369
that Harvey Cohen's going
to need some more tests.
288
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:27,371
Oh, screw Harvey Cohen.
289
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:31,008
You know, I've had it with him.
If he dies, he dies.
290
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:32,109
What?
291
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:34,211
Oh, he's at least
14 or 15 years old.
292
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:36,247
He's lived long enough.
293
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,782
Can I have some
coffee to go, please?
294
00:13:40,151 --> 00:13:42,653
He's a cat for God's sake.
295
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,388
He snuck into my office
296
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,724
and somehow I got stuck
taking care of him.
297
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:49,159
Wow, Becker, this is
a whole other side to you
298
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,628
I've never seen before.
299
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,897
The caring side,
the nurturing side--
300
00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:54,965
The feminine side.
301
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:57,268
First it's cats,
then it's needlepoint.
302
00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:01,072
Can staying home to watch
your stories be far behind?
303
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:04,442
Hey, wait a minute.
You've got a cat.
304
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:07,077
Yeah, but I'm Jake.
305
00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:18,022
Can I have everyone's
attention, please?
306
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,424
It seems we're
celebrating a birthday.
307
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:24,762
Ms. Russell here
is 47 years old today.
308
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:27,231
Whoo. Yea.
309
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,734
Thank you. Oh.
310
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:33,503
Thank you so much for
reminding me how old I am.
311
00:14:34,973 --> 00:14:38,743
I'm sure to you birthdays
are just cake and ice cream.
312
00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:42,947
Gravity hasn't visited your
little gingerbread house yet.
313
00:14:46,017 --> 00:14:48,018
But just you wait
till those perky breasts
314
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,621
start bungee jumping
off your chest.
315
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,392
Just wait till your hormones
are so out of whack
316
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,595
that you burst into tears
for no damn reason
317
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,230
and the only thing
thinner than your hair
318
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,198
is your husband's new
girlfriend.
319
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,934
Just see if you think
320
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:06,003
your birthday's
such a happy day then.
321
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:08,472
Don't look at me.
322
00:15:13,311 --> 00:15:17,381
Uh, Linda, did Ms. Russell come
in yet? She's got a 3:15.
323
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:20,217
Uh, something came up.
324
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:22,920
By the way, what's she seeing
Dr. Becker for anyways?
325
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,022
Depression.
326
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:26,323
Ever since she turned 40,
327
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:29,060
she's having a real hard time
dealing with it.
328
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:30,561
Why?
329
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,630
No reason.
330
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:33,931
Margaret,
331
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,900
I looked at all these travel
folders you got for me.
332
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:38,469
You know, what
were you thinking?
333
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,304
I mean, you know, too hot,
too cold,
334
00:15:41,306 --> 00:15:44,342
too far, too stupid.
335
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,510
Mexico? I mean,
what's the point?
336
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,545
In a few weeks,
they'll all be up here.
337
00:15:51,582 --> 00:15:54,251
That's it. Forget it, I'm done.
338
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:55,719
Plan your own vacation.
339
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:58,322
Doesn't matter anyway
because like every year,
340
00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,490
you won't go.
341
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,425
That's not true. I will too.
342
00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:03,728
Why don't you just
go to New York?
343
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,063
Linda, I'm in New York.
344
00:16:06,065 --> 00:16:07,431
Yeah, but that's the thing.
345
00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:09,499
It's the most exciting city
in the world,
346
00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:12,203
but the people who live here
never get to enjoy it.
347
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,404
You could check into
a great hotel,
348
00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:16,740
go to all the best restaurants,
349
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,777
catch some Broadway shows,
you know, really live it up.
350
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:22,513
You know something, that's--
That's a great idea.
351
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,548
Yeah, it's like that song,
352
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:27,651
Something, something,
That's a hell of a town.
353
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,193
Hello? Doctor's office.
354
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:38,496
Oh, yes, he's right here.
355
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,565
John, it's the vet's office.
356
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,168
Yeah?
357
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,636
How much?
358
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,005
Why don't you just stick
a gun in my back?
359
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,807
No, no, absolutely not.
360
00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:53,911
Oh, all right.
361
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,246
Yes.
362
00:16:55,846 --> 00:16:57,314
You know, it's not fair.
363
00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:58,749
I mean, that cat's
out on the street
364
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,451
living like Keith Richards,
365
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:03,020
and then the second
he gets a cough,
366
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,956
he comes into my office
and expects me to foot the bill.
367
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,125
You know, I tell you,
at the rate I'm paying out here,
368
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:09,727
I'm not gonna be able
to take a vacation.
369
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,795
Huh. Big surprise.
370
00:17:11,797 --> 00:17:13,631
Exactly what's wrong
with the cat?
371
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,198
Oh, he needs surgery.
372
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,902
He's got a blockage
in his intestinal tract.
373
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,236
Probably my wallet.
374
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:29,380
Hey, Becker. Coffee?
375
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:33,083
I can't afford it.
Let me just suck on the filter.
376
00:17:34,619 --> 00:17:36,119
If you take it to go,
it's on the house.
377
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:37,388
Yeah.
378
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,656
What's your problem?
379
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:39,557
Harvey Cohen,
380
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,993
that oven mitt with a pulse.
381
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,128
Is he okay?
382
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:46,496
Yeah, yeah. Surgery went fine.
383
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:48,699
I get to bring him home today.
384
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,801
How much did he end up
costing you?
385
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:51,602
Soup to nuts,
386
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,870
about 1500.
387
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:57,341
Actually, the nuts
were an extra 250.
388
00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,410
Bob.
389
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,845
Move it, Lurch.
I got business.
390
00:18:03,048 --> 00:18:04,381
Okay.
391
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:06,083
Bob's had it.
392
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,853
He can't eat. He can't sleep.
393
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,387
Bob has been standing in line
394
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:11,789
for this merry-go-round
for months.
395
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,556
And then the minute
he turns his back,
396
00:18:13,558 --> 00:18:15,993
he jumps on Bob's
favorite horse.
397
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,396
Oh, thank you.
398
00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:20,731
I can't listen to
anymore of this, Bob.
399
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,634
I did not sleep with Reggie.
400
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,903
Yeah, we didn't sleep at all.
401
00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:31,242
Come on, Jake, we might as well
tell him the truth.
402
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,309
What truth?
403
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,477
That you're the best lover
404
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:35,112
I ever had.
405
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,981
Oh, yeah, heh, that truth.
406
00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:41,385
Just kill me.
407
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:44,888
Sex with Jake
was the most erotic,
408
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,858
sensual experience
I've ever had.
409
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:50,294
He knew exactly what to say
and how to say it,
410
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,397
what to do and how to do it.
411
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:55,899
He touched me in ways
412
00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:58,502
you can't even begin to imagine.
413
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,438
And it wasn't just sexual.
414
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,674
It was somehow spiritual.
415
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:07,811
What can I say?
416
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,513
I was in the zone.
417
00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:16,820
Bob needs to go home now.
418
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,322
Bob needs to process this.
419
00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:26,163
That was fun.
420
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,065
Spiritual.
That's a nice touch.
421
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:32,068
It just came to me.
422
00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:35,305
So Reg--?
423
00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:36,539
No.
424
00:19:38,109 --> 00:19:40,877
Well, I'd be a fool not to ask.
425
00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:53,290
Mr. Bursky's coming in tomorrow
for his test results,
426
00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:54,325
all of them.
427
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:55,592
Wonderful.
428
00:19:55,594 --> 00:19:57,494
Okay. Well, good night, John.
429
00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,795
Good night, Margaret.
430
00:19:58,797 --> 00:20:02,399
Linda, if you wanna walk
to the train, I'm leaving.
431
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,935
I can't find
Harvey Cohen anywhere.
432
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:07,805
I put food down for him and
he didn't even come to eat it.
433
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,673
Yeah, he's probably off
relaxing somewhere
434
00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:12,743
after a very taxing day
of sleeping.
435
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:15,845
Come to think of it, I haven't
seen him all afternoon.
436
00:20:15,847 --> 00:20:16,880
And he couldn't have gotten
437
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,782
through the window
in the exam room
438
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:22,352
because the new slack-ass was
here this morning and fixed it.
439
00:20:23,888 --> 00:20:25,556
You know what I bet happened?
440
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,692
Probably one of the patients
let him out by accident.
441
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:32,495
Oh, great. All that money
and he just takes off.
442
00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:36,500
Like a four-legged
version of my ex-wife.
443
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:38,969
Well, what's he gonna eat?
Where is he gonna sleep?
444
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,938
It's supposed to be
cold out tonight.
445
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,240
Linda, he's an alley cat.
He'll be fine.
446
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,474
John, are you gonna
sit there
447
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:46,709
and tell me that
you don't care at all?
448
00:20:46,711 --> 00:20:49,112
You know something, Margaret,
what do you want from me?
449
00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:51,114
I took him to the vet.
Nobody else did.
450
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,750
I paid for him to get better.
Nobody else did.
451
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:56,820
What more do you want from me?
He's gone, you know?
452
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:58,622
Nothing I can do about it.
453
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,993
Come on, Linda,
we'd better be going.
454
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:06,797
Boy, is he a hard case.
455
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,198
Maybe he just needs someone
456
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,367
to show him they really care
about him.
457
00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:13,837
When's his birthday?
37880
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