Original subtitles

previously on sick note...

ash is alive!

mr matthews was involved in a hit-and-run.

his mother, wife and newborn baby are praying he's going to make it

let's make that little shit the face of we cover.

I think I'm, going to have to decline.

not even for 30 grand?

30?

jesus christ!

please, don't shoot!oh, for christ sake.

it's not loaded, you big pussy.

I forgot about your trip.

yep, killing wild animals. it's what I live for.

are you actually allowed to take that on the plane?

you got money, you can do any fuckin' thing you want.

trust me, this is costing me a lot.

take a look.

there's the prize.

shambhala, a super-rare albino giraffe.

I paid extra to have that bitch electronically tagged

so there'll be no place for her to hide.

kind of levels the playing field, don't you think?

well, I wish you wouldn't bring your weapons into the office

and could you stop pointing it at my staff?

that anal bead isn't at his desk.

who, daniel? Ah, yes.

well, look at the mock-ups, they're very good.

that's shit. I want to see bags under the eyes, tubes coming out of the nose.

yeah, well, I guess we could take some photos

of his chemotherapy treatment.

yes, work that out. Where the fuck is he?

I don't know but, you know, he's got cancer, hasn't he?

he's probably a bit poorly.

gunfire

I don't know where I'd go.

I obviously can't stay at ash's place.

well, you can stay at mine.

oh, yeah, america.

That's really handy for my office.

is it that bad between you guys then? I mean, I know

she was screwing your best friend.

yeah, I'm sleeping on the couch.

can't you get some place of your own?

not until this money comes through.

This 30k's gonna totally sort me out.

You know, and plus I'll

have, like, five grand left for vanessa, you know, to pay for the funeral.

what? Is ash dead?not yet,

but, come on, he's not waking up.

I, I want to help out.that's real nice!

totally makes up for you killing him.

yeah, I just can't wait till I tell becca...

..That I know everything about her being a cheating bitch before I move out.

Door opens

oh, shit she's coming. he clears throat

oh, hi, love. Are you playing will 5000?

say hello from me.

becca says hi.say fuck you from me!

he says hi back.

you look cold, do you want my slanket?

oh, no, no, no, I'm fine.so she hasn't noticed the slanket is gone?

last seen wrapped around ash's dead body.

Yeah, I've ordered a replacement.

Amazon prime. Should be here today.

I'm on the phone to mum, she sends her love.

send mine back.

he sends his love back, mum.

no, yeah, he's doing great.

yeah, to be honest, looking at him, if you didn't know him you'd think he was lying.

th-this better be my last one, mate.loser.

the post's been, my love!

I'm off to work now.

I'll see you tonight, dearest. annette!

people are commenting on how well I look.

Shouldn't I be thinner or, like, losing my hair?

dr daniel's been doing his research, hasn't he?

look, cancer treatment affects each individual patient differently.

side affects can include weight loss, vomiting, loss of appetite, hair loss, mouth ulcers,

diarrhoea, constipation.

I pretty much have one of the last two all the time.

all right, well, look, I mean, just say you have mouth ulcers.

ok, well, I need bottles with, like, the name of the medicine

printed on it.

We need a treatment schedule.

I mean, this has to look real.

as soon as you called, I had some labels printed

and I put them on these empty bottles for you.

you spelt my name wrong.

really? Are you sure?about the spelling of my very common name? yes.

just, er, fill them with vitamin tablets.

isn't chemotherapy usually given by intravenous drip?correct.

perhaps you and I should swap seats. he laughs

no, look, it's a mixture of tablets and intravenous drugs and I booked

you in for an iv session here tomorrow.

luckily we cover want to keep all the treatment in-house,

so it suits us just fine.

what are you going to be giving me?

well, it's a saline solution, but I'll cover the labels so it looks

like I'm giving you real chemotherapy.

you, young man, will come out feeling like the chicken that found

the golden grain.

what does that mean?

oh, yeah, do you not know the children's story?

it's charming. Little hen gets lost on the way to market.

she can't find her way back to the farm. And then naughty squirrel... sorry,

how does this apply to me?

it means you'll come out feeling great,

like the chicken done.

daniel, stop worrying. You're gonna make yourself ill.

for real. he laughs

please, let me show you out.

oh.

I think you need to pull, pull it.

ah!

lift going up.

I can't believe we're actually going through with this.yes.

yes, it's not ideal, but we have to cover ourselves.

I just keep thinking we should back out, you know, put a stop to it all.

I mean, it's just gone too far.

I know it's too late for that.

here's dr glennis's last appointment, he should be free to see you now.

can you direct me to his office? he had to head out.

Yeah, something about a home emergency.

I didn't see him leave, and I've been sat here all day.

yeah, he did, about 15 minutes ago.

Yeah, he let me stay in his office and make a phone call.

his shit car's still outside.

maybe he got a cab.

when he gets back can you make sure you get him to contact me?

it's a very urgent matter. of course, officer.

you can count on me.where's his parking space?

thank you.

well, mr glass, when will we be seeing your cheery face again?

oh, tomorrow, actually.

I did just leave something in dr glennis's office,

can I just go back in...?soz, I can't let you in there unsupervised.

the doctor really shouldn't have left you on your own in there.

he's always breaking the rules.

it's fine.

I'll just get it tomorrow.

bloody scientists.

blasted thing!

ah!

dr glennis?

clattering

yes?are you ok in there?

oh, yes, yes.

mr glass said you'd left.

well, er... door opens

I, I did, well...

I tried to, er, I was stuck in this cupboard.

he laughs

while you were stuck in there, a policeman came by.

he asked if you could give him a call today.

can't imagine what that would be in connection with.

he left his number.right.

mobile rings

must crack on. Thank you, linda. lisa.

07 700 900 843, dr iain glennis speaking.it's me.

Where did you go?sorry.

where did you go and why are the police looking for you?

I don't know.he's looking in your car.

You did clean in that boot?

You told me you did.yes, of course I did.

you definitely burnt the slanket?

yes, I, I did!

as long as there's no trace of ash in there,

we should be ok.

yes, you're, you're absolutely right.

goodbye.

no, blast!

hydroperoxide, it has an oxidizing agent, in this

instance the haemogoblin is completely removed

and it can't later be detected.

he laughs

that's just the ticket.

hi, mum.hi, simon, I mean, daniel.

sorry, love.

no worries. I'm used to it.

how are you doing?

you promised your dad you'd call every day.

yeah, yeah, I'm ok.

I start my chemotherapy tomorrow.

he starts his treatment tomorrow.

your father will take you.

What? Dad said he'd never get in a car with me again.

not with you driving, no, but he'll be driving, so it's fine.

no. It's all right, mum, it's no, it's not a big deal.

it is. Your father will be there.

no, honestly, mum, I want to do this by myself.

Say thanks to dad, but I don't want to waste his time.

it's not a waste of time.oh, mum, I've got another call coming.

It's work. I've got to go.

Ok, bye.

guess who?

ah! Fuck!

What's on your hands?

whoopsies, sorry.

I was trying to make my shower gel warmer smell better.

the last one was chilli oil.

yeah, I think you need to wash your hands.

oh, my dad used these.

he said they made his tongue feel fat.

I get nausea from them, but my tongue feels normal.

Apart from the mouth ulcers. they look like multivitamins.

yeah, it's best not to keep them out of the bottle.

Lose their potency.

can I have a quick word?

yeah.

kenny wants some photos of you

for this we cover campaign

and, I'm so sorry to ask this,

do you have a treatment schedule?

um... Yes. Yeah.

No, I should have it by the end of the day.oh, fantastic.

yeah. We must keep mr west happy.

and perhaps you should take the rest of the day off.

your eyes look very red.

oh, yeah that's, um, that's actually a side effect

of my medicine.

No, I want to soldier on, you know, get some work done.

yeah.yeah.

inspiration to us all.

retching

daniel. Daniel, are you ok?

retching and splashing

give me a minute.

you've been in there for half an hour, I'm worried.it's just the side effects.

Retching

oh. That was a bad one.

well, can I get you something, some water?

no, no, I've got some, thanks.

it says if your symptoms persist you should contact your doctor.

oh...

ooh...

I don't know what it is, but I have never wanted you more.

oh, oh...

I think, I think round two's about to begin. Oh...

Retching

thanks for that, dad. That was really good of you, but

don't, don't wait for me.

it's fine. I brought a book.

no, honestly, dad, I'll make my own way back.

I might be ages in there.

I promised your mother I would.

hi, mum. Can you call dad

and tell him not to wait for me outside the clinic? Ok?

these ruddy things.take your gloves off.

He groans

what's happened to your hands? I scorched them on a hot coffee.

they look awful.yes, I won't lie to you.

I am in a great deal of pain.

no-one will be any the wiser.

I've also got your pre-meds here, anti-nausea.

although I've swapped them out for plass boss.

placebos?

yes, it's just a word that means fake medicine.

fine.

no-one can trace any wrong-doing.

what about that policeman who wants to look at your car?

well, he has an appointment with me later.

but the car is spotless.

no trace of your friend remains.

right. Let's administer your chemotherapy.

the whole process takes under an hour, mr glass.

I'm sorry, but this room is booked for a session of chemotherapy.

yeah, we know.

daniel, dr glennis, I'd like you to meet athan, our photographer.

pleasure to be working with you.hi.

athan? Is that greek, as in athans?

no.

ath-an. As in short for jonathan.

he's here to take inspirational pictures of your cancer-riddled body

being given the best chemo that money can buy courtesy of

we cover insurance.

oh!

Lucky, lucky me.

yes, lucky fucking you.

athan is coming with me to photograph the hunt,

although right now he's going to photograph the cunt.

laughter

right, doc?yes, kenny!

so, I'd like to get a few shots of you guys in action.

will you be administering the medication to daniel directly, doc?

oh, yes, yes, of course I will.

I like all my patients to feel like I'm taking care of them every

step of the way.

shutters click

we can't do this.why not?

this is cast-iron proof.

photographic evidence.

here we go.

what the fuck?

don't stick him. I've gotta leave in 45 minutes.

that police car's blocking my light.

fucking pigs.

what?

ventilator beeps and flatlines

oh, fuck!

I didn't change the tyre.what?

I did not change the tyre.

oh!ah!

fuck! Jesus christ, my fucking lens!

nurse! Nurse!

can you, oh...

I just have to step out for a second.

where the fuck are you going?

hey, hey, dr dickhole!

get the fuck back here.morning.

keys, car keys.

here he is, officer.

ah.

hello.

er...

coffee?

I'm ok, thanks. Now a good time? yes.

yes, why wouldn't it be a good time?

I realise I'm early for our appointment, you're just a very hard man to get hold of.

I've been very, very busy.

tell me, did you ever catch the hit-and-run culprit?

they're still at large and I believe there's more to it than a hit-and-run.

I believe an attempted murder's being covered up.

wasn't that really hot?

yeah...so...

I have a very serious question to ask you, dr glennis.

right.

what is it?something that's been bugging me.

right, yes.

can you take a look at my back?

I'm sorry?I have a mole.

it's been preying on my mind.

I want to get it checked out, but our gp is a family friend.

don't want to cause a lot of worry.right.

I've not been sleeping because of it.

yes, I can, I can see it right away.

but, please, pop your stab vest off.

reverberating:daniel. Daniel?

glove slaps

kenny sighs

where the fuck is that prick?

I'm sure he won't be long.

you know, in an episode of house the doctor performed three

operations at once.oh, great.

it only took about half an hour.

you. Nurse.

hook him up.

whoa, whoa, whoa. Where's dr glennis?

I don't have the authority to administer chemotherapy.

not without a senior doctor present.

I own we cover insurance.

we cover puts thousands of patients

in this clinic.

ergo I pay your wages.

sorry.

well...

if that's not enough authority for you...

..Perhaps this will change your mind.

hook him up.

erm, I need to get a proper replacement bag.

well, move your ass.

move your ass!

now, to the layman a mole changing colour can be cause for concern,

but I'm very pleased to say this is absolutely nothing to worry about.

thank you, dr glennis.

what a load off my mind.

any ti-I-me!

just glad I did do my bit.

now, I had a little look at your car early and I noticed you never got that tyre changed.

good lord. Yes.

yes, you're right.

mea culpa.

I'll get it done right away.

make sure you do.

and thanks again.

I'll sleep tonight.

they laugh

we both will!

he retches

he groans

almost done here, dr glennis.

I told him to wait for you.

Where the fuck have you been?

you administered chemotherapy?

mr west had a gun pointed at me.

what?

don't shoot me, kenny.

you british are such pussies.

no, we're not.

he makes popping noise

it's not even loaded.

yes!

your car's here, mr west.

thank god.

becca, athan, we got a giraffe to kill.

ta-ta!

so, daniel, I'm just going to run through some of the side effects you can expect.

so, vomiting, hair loss,

diarrhoea,

mouth ulcers.

it's on the we cover account, so it's fine if you're sick in it.

my tongue feels fat.

I told you.

I'll check in on you later then.

how's my boy?dad.

They got me a car.

oh, cancel it. I'll take him from here.

thanks for waiting, dad.I really wanted to finish my book.

I don't agree with everything he says but, blimey, that clarkson can

write a funny anecdote.

listen, me and your mum

overreacted when you crashed the car and broke my leg.

all those years ago.

we...

..Forgive you.

let's never speak of it again.

daniel? Daniel?

are you ok?

vomiting

dr glennis is here.

daniel, becca has asked me to check on you.

door's open.I'll go and make some tea.splendid.

hello.

oh.

is this real or part of the act?

of course it's fucking real. You gave me actual chemotherapy today.

well, I mean strictly speaking it wasn't me, it was that nurse, but...

just surprised that the anti-nausea medication hasn't helped much.

that's because you gave me a fucking placebo.

oh, yes, yes, but it'll pass and,

you'll soon be feeling like the chicken that got the golden...

retching

this wasn't part of the plan.

yes, true.

but we're very much in the clear now.

no-one can ever possibly question whether or not you have...

..Cancer.

not a living soul.

it's only six months.

And then everyone will think I beat it.

Then I can get my life back on track.

No-one will ever know I faked cancer.

Echoes

ash!

You and becca!

yeah!

becca's my girlfriend, you're my best...

I think he can hear us.

Fuck!

I asked you to knock!

hayward!