Original subtitles

Previously on "Sick Note":

- Fire him! - You have cancer.

He's dying, we shouldn't be doing this.

- I know. - It was from becca to ash it's his phone.

You need to come here now.

He's dead.

Remember when you misdiagnosed me with cancer?

You don't have cancer.

You owe me one.

You could get away with anything. Even murder.

We can dump his body on a quiet road.

And make it look like he's been ran over.

He's not dead, he's in the hospital. He's in surgery.

He's...Not...Dead?

You okay?

Daniel.

Can you just concentrate on me for a second?

- Who you texting? - It's Jacqueline,

Ashes mom, just seeing if she's okay.

Oh, can we just stop in here. I need to get a Lucozade.

- 00079460649 at Glennis residence. - Ash is alive.

- Who's this? - It's Daniel, Ash is

- fucking alive. - Who's Ash?

Oh, you must know Ash.

You left him lying in the middle of the road and made it look like hit and run accident. Ring any

- fucking bells? - He can't be alive.

What's wrong with your phone? I've been calling and texting you.

Nothing wrong with my phone. I mean it's on.

- That's odd. - What is?

There's picture of your friend and his family on my

mobile phone screen.

Oh, no, you've have him.

- Oh, God, no. - What? What?

You've got Ashes phone!

I can't have.

It must have copied a picture of it's, might when they're in my pocket together.

That's not how technology works!

I thought I left his phone with him.

Ah, no, hang on. You're right, it is it.

Okay...

let's think.

If they find your phone, I mean...

..We're fucked.

I'm going to be at the thames royal infirmary

in 10 minutes.

Get there as soon as you can.

I'm on my way.

I could have sworn this was mine.

ooh, good lord.

are you ok? you've been gone ages.

oh, yeah, just a bit shook up.

where's your drink?

oh, I drank it in there.

What?

You don't believe me?

Go, go and ask the guy. course I believe you.

come on, let's go to the hospital.

who are you here to see?

ash matthews.

and what's your relationship to mr matthews?

I'm his best friend.

well, mr matthews was involved in a hit and run.

they gasp quietly

oh. A hit and run.

left for dead in the middle of the road, he's lucky to be alive.

so, er, so what's.. what's happening with him now?

I'm just waiting to talk to him, myself.

there are seats over there.

well, can't we wait with his family? they're in the relatives room.

and you two aren't relatives.

yeah, but actually...I'm sorry. this is a police matter.

guess we wait.

vanessa's going straight to voicemail.

can you call ash's mum?

oh. Don't have her number.

yes, you do. you were texting with her before.

oh, yeah.

I don't want to bother her.

oh, just give me the phone,

I'll call her. phone rings

oh, speak of the devil.

Hi, jacqueline.

jacqueline? No...

no, it's dr iain glennis.

how's ash doing?

well, he's alive, isn't he? you told me he was alive.

well, this is the best place for him.

the hospital?yes, yes.

I'm in the car park.ok. I can do that for you.

Ok, bye now.

hello?

huh.

yeah.

She wants me to...

..Get some maltesers for when he wakes up.

oh...no, no, I'll go, you...

You stay here, in case they come back out...

..Here.

ok.

horn beeps

open the door. what?

door!hang on.

is it that one?

there we go.

hello!

why is this happening?

How could you not know he was alive?!

I can't see how it's possible.

I mean, are you sure they've got the right guy?

yes they've got the right guy!

His mother, wife, and newborn baby are all in there now

praying he's going to make it out of surgery alive.

How could you not know?! How?!

it's like condoms, isn't it? nothing's 100%.

we need to swap the phones back.

I can't get anywhere near there,

there's a policeman standing at the door.policeman?!

yes, they think it's a hit and run!

well...

I guess our plan worked, then, didn't it?

oh, yeah, it worked out great.

Oh, except you left your phone on him.

You've got to do the swap.me?!

I have no business going in there!

you're a doctor. Find the phone.

ok, ok.

I just need... Please... don't slam the door.

and daniel, how has this affected you?

you do look good, kenny.

nah, I don't.

He just looks like such shit, it makes me look better.

oh, yeah, yes, no, that's true. you're absolutely right.

what, you think I look like shit?

no! No, I'm just... That...

no, what happened is, I mis-saw.

and then, I...

..Misspoke.

yeah. Fuck. Whatever.

At least this will go some ways in repairing the vomit video.

We cover needs this human interest shit.

hey!

ta-da!

what the fuck is that?

it's my shower gel warmer!

it smells like a frenchman's asshole!

it is pretty rancid.

oh, you can smell it too...

it must be the wool I'm using.

great work, very creative.

Keep working at it.

Can't wait to see it in action.

ohh! Look.

daniel comes across so well.

you should use him.

maybe we cover can run a competition

where the winner has their operation performed by daniel.

that...

now, that is a really good idea.

off you go!

hmm... That is a good idea.

that's a fucking terrible idea.

I was just being nice!

not that, you twit!

She's right about him, how he comes across.

We should use him.

He's our human interest.

Let's make that little shit the face of we cover!

fuck.

hey...oh, hey.

you ok?

yeah! Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

she coughs

where are the maltesers?

oh, they...

..Didn't have any.

you've been gone for ages.

yeah, I tried everywhere, couldn't find any.

Have you seen anyone?no.

no-one.

hmm...

To think I only saw him a couple of days ago.

When did you last see him?

er...

isn't that your doctor?

no. No, don't think so.

no, it is. Dr glennis?

dr glennis?

distorted echoing:just let me know.

hello! Sorry, I was miles away.

what are you doing here?

here. Erm...

..I...Am.

you were probably just visiting some of your patients, right?

yes. Yes.

yes, that's right.

it's what we do.

oh, well, our friend, erm... ash matthews, is in surgery.

could you find out how he's doing?

yeah. Yeah. Yes.

I can certainly try. I'll get back to you.

oh, no, no, he's... He's... He's... he's back that way, in theatre.

right, yes. All right. I'll get to him when I can.ok.

well, you were going that way anyway.

It really is important we find out how our friend is doing.

Mm.

I'll go now! Right.

thank you.

'scuse me!

haven't we met?

have we? Well, I don't...yes.

we met this afternoon, you're the guy whose boot wouldn't open.

oh, of course! Yes.

yes. How...

how could I forget?

what are you doing here?

are you visiting a...A poorly...

..Thief?

no. I'm here on police business.

we've just brought in a hit and run case.

right!

well, good luck with everything.

thank you.

yes...! Sorry, 'scuse me.

here we go.

oh, that's...

toilet!

thank you.

nurse, clamps, please.

which clamps? the adjustable forceps?yes, please.

I'm sorry.

morning!'scuse me, who are you?

oh. Er, can I have an update on the patient's condition, please?

he's got a large intracranial bleed, subdural.uh-huh.

but also a comminuted fracture of his humerus,

as well as his radius and ulna. yeah. Yeah.

good. All right.

and how's his arm?

I just told you, he suffered fractures

to the humerus, radius and ulna.

good! Yes, I was just...

..Just testing.right.

my family have just asked if I can grab his personal effects,

his phone, wallet, phone, etc..

can you... Can you tell me where they are, please?

no, they had to rush him in.

if they're not back at itu, they'll still be in anaesthesia.mm-hm!

it's...oh, it's.. Right. Oh, it's... Right. Cos it used to be.

who are you?!

I'm...

nurse! Frame retractor!

sounds like you're needed.

yes.

thud argh!

n... Nurse...

I'm so sorry!

daniel.

becca.

vanessa.

He groans

what time is it?

it's eight.

I didn't know you were here.

Yeah. There was a policeman at the door, he wouldn't let us through.

oh, he's such a nuisance!

he wouldn't let me pass without seeing my id!

I nearly caused an accident, and a doctor ended up getting knocked out!

hmm.

how are you doing?

I just keep thinking he won't pull through.

benny can't grow up without his dad!

so...Right now, ash is...?

in intensive care.

they've induced a coma.

he's fighting.

but there's a strong chance he could have brain damage.

becca gasps

so he hasn't said anything?

no.

he hasn't...Hasn't said anything cos...

..He's in a coma.

good.

wait, what do you mean, good?

he's in a fucking coma!

she wails

oh, I mean, you know, like, erm...

You know, he's... he's in the best place.

sorry, sorry, vanessa.

we're both just very concerned.

I don't know what we're going to do for money.

we were living off ash's salary.

it's not going to come to that.

let's get you and benny home. daniel!

oh, jacqueline.

I'm so sorry.

She weeps

what if he doesn't wake up?

oh, he will!

And he's... And he's not going to have brain damage.

He's... He's going to be fine.

I know it.

I am so sorry.

thank you.

and I'm sorry...

..We couldn't get the maltesers.

that's ok, dear.

goodbye.

he sighs

are you ok?

yeah. Yeah...

I think I'm just...

..In shock.

Mm.of course.

of course, honey.

well, we should both get to work.

I'm late, so I can't drop you.

that's fine, I'll...Make my own way.

ok.

hello. You're through to 07 700 900 843,

the telephone of dr iain glennis.

he sighs

excuse me.

You haven't heard anything about a doctor here knocking himself out?

yeah! He's in a bed in there, now.

I hope he's not treating you, mate.

brilliant.

She groans

what the hell are you doing? just leave!

you're welcome!

of course.

Well, if you want something done right...

Ash? Ash?

Oh. He's still asleep?yes.

quite a knock to the head he took.

are you his son?

no. I'm his patient.

well, then you should be in that bed

and he should be standing where you are.

she chuckles

oh! Finally.

oh! Here he is! How are you doing?

er, not great.

I was just at the hospital.

My best friend's in a coma.

oh, no! I'm sorry. What's happened?

did he try and hang himself?

uh, no, no, no.

It was, er, a road accident.

sorry.

I was just reading an article about how suicide

is the biggest killer of men under 45.

no, no. This was a hit and run. I don't think he'll pull through.

It's his wife and baby I'm worried about, you know?

They don't have any insurance, any savings. They're screwed.

oh, that's awful.

will she have to put the baby up for adoption?

no... No. I don't... I don't think so.

daniel. Do you want to come in? they're all waiting for you.

they? Who's they?

daniel, this is we cover's shit-hot pr, marketing,

and legal team, and they are very eager to meet you.

you see, we cover is positioned to be one of the biggest

uk health care insurance providers -

but one of the biggest isn't good enough.

john holmes didn't have one of the biggest cock's in porn,

he had the biggest cock in porn!

huge.

imagine walking into any room knowing that your cock

is the biggest cock in the room.

no contest.

it was so big and thick and long.

he used to faint when he got an erection

because all the blood...

daniel! Your role at we cover is about to change for the better.

why?

because the general public are a bunch of pussies.

they need to see heroes like you endure suffering

so that they're less afraid when it becomes their turn.

daniel, you're about to become the new face

of we cover.

you're going to be on every leaflet, every advertisement.

every looping gif on the website.

this isn't something I've... have you started treatment yet?

no. Not...oh, good! yeah, you know...

That's what I mean, I think I'm going to have to decline.

bullshit!

I pay your fuckin' wages!

I know...I know, and I'm really grateful -

but no...No, this isn't really for me.

Mobile phone rings

I've got to take this. my friend's in hospital.

sit the fuck back down!

this meeting isn't over!

what the fuck?

sorry.

Ash?

no! It's dr iain glennis.what?

What? Why have you ash's phone?

I don't know.

I remember I went to theatre.

I got the phone. I banged my head.

so, you swapped the phones?

I just don't understand.

I swapped them back.

yes, about... What?

what? Why?

cos I saw you in a hospital bed and just assumed you hadn't done it!

Shit!just leave it with me.

I'll make sure it's done.

I can't bear to see you like this.

my poor baby.

I don't want people to go through your messages

while you're out of it, so I'm going to delete them,

but when you wake up, we'll do plenty more.

I promise.

what?

oh! Hello!hello.

I...I...I just popped into to see how he's doing.

what are you doing here?

um...

well, I dropped by earlier to see andy, here...ash.

..And I accidentally left my phone.

picked up his by mistake. Ha-ha!

they all look the same these days, don't they?

ha-ha!

ah...Anyway...

goodbye.

um. Two, seven, one, nine.

huh.

two, seven, one, nine.

oh, for fuck's sake!

..Owns the dick!

daniel, I think I may have offended you before

and for that I am truly sorry.

oh, there's nothing to apologise for.

well, will you reconsider becoming the new face of we cover?

uh, I'm sorry.

I'm going to have to say no.

not even for 30 grand?

30?mm.

you could buy a new car

or build an extension onto your home or...

..Help out a comatose friend's family.

linda told me all about your friend's accident.

it sounds like his family could use some good news.

what do you say?

so becca had hold of your phone?

Didn't she think it was weird yours was there instead of his?

don't worry. I explained it quite satisfactorily.

we're in the clear.

are we?

just leave it on my desk.

the tyre mark on mr matthews' arm will be what snares our culprit

we cover are going to plaster my cancer treatment

all over their website,

their tv ads, billboards.

it'll be fine.

now. I've been doing some research, and...

..This financing death is, in fact,

a lot more common than you'd imagine.

very, very famous case, of course, in poland.

whatever!krakow.

I just want this to be over.

I wish I was in a fucking coma!

Not that cheating arsehole who calls himself my best friend.

you've had a rough couple of days, but...

..We can sleep easy tonight.

you gave me actual chemotherapy!

I believe an attempted murder is being covered up.

this is fucking priceless!

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