Original subtitles

[ upbeat theme playing]

[ gunfire on TV ]

Hey, you guys,

that happens to be my father's good chess set

you're throwing all over the living room.

Can't you be more careful with that stuff?

Do you know what he'd do if he came home

and found these all over the place?

Would you please keep these on the--

Engelberg, get away from my refrigerator, how many times--

You call that a refrigerator?Yes.

There's nothing here to eat.

This is the part where William Bendix gets it.

Gets him sick every time.

William Bendix survives in this.

Anthony Quinn is the one who gets it.

MAN [ on TV ]: This is Joseph Blane, reporting from Tokyo, Japan.

We are here with the Japanese junior baseball champions.

Hey! Hey, guys!

Hey, guys, the Japanese champions!

So our correspondent in Japan asked the Japanese boys

and their coach what they thought of

the American refusal.

[ speaking in Japanese ]

TRANSLATOR: We were surprised and a bit hurt.

It was simply a gesture of sportsmanship on our part.

One of the reasons the U.S. gave for not coming

was because they say we're too competitive.

Why aren't we sending a team?

Well, the Orientals have beaten us

nine out of the last 11 times we've played them.

[ speaking in Japanese ]

What did that little creep say?

TRANSLATOR: I think they're just plain chicken.

[ men chattering on TV ]

MAN 1 [ on TV ]: See you guys in Tokyo!

Okay! We'll make a wish for you.

[ "Marine's Hymn" playing on TV ]

HAHN [ on TV ]: Good morning, everybody

and welcome to The Sunshine Show.

Our guests are a group of young ball players

trying to get to Japan. Good morning, fellas.

BOY 1: Thanks for answering our letter.

HAHN: You know, by going to Japan

you'd be going against the wishes

of your national organization. Why do you want to go?

BOY 1: It's mainly guidance of the Holy Spirit.

HAHN: What?

E.R.W.: We feel that an American team

should represent themselves in Japan.

And plus, we ain't no cowards and there ain't no

mother [BLEEP] nip gonna stand in our way.

HAHN: What did he say?BOY 2: Engelberg!

HAHN: I don't think you can say that at 6:00 in the morning.

E.R.W: Also we feel that if an American team didn't go,

it would really strain relations

between otherwise friendly nations.

What makes you boys think that you're

a truly representative team of the United States?

MARGE [ on phone ]: Service.

Marge, it's Marvin. Any messages?

A bunch. Where have you been?

I've been casting till 5 in the morning. What's up?

MARGE: Got a pencil, Marv?MARVIN: I got a memory.

What's going on? Come on.

MARGE: Louis called from Las Vegas.

He wants his $75,000 or you'll never work in this town again.

Seventy-five thousand

or otherwise he'll break your legs.

Good. Oh, by the way,

your alimony checks are due for March, April and May.

But where is the money coming from?

E.R.W.: Mainly by saving and borrowing

is how we're gonna pay for the trip.

But we're in no way above accepting donations.

Ha, you and me both, kid.

MARGE: What?No, not you, Marge.

Anything else, my dear?

MARGE: You owe the answering service 82.50.

Wonderful. Charge it to me.

BOY 3: Hey, listen, we beat a pretty powerhouse team.

Probably the best in the country.

HAHN: You've got a good team all right,

but our findings show that

you're just a second-place team from Van Nuys.

Oh, my...

BOY 3: Good for your findings.

[ muttering ]

E.R.W.: Give your money to Bears, PO Box 1941.

[ groans ]

BOY 3: We got that from Pearl Harbor, 1941.

E.R.W.: A lot of money will go mainly for inoculation.

Oh, loopy.

What a client.

Oh, I could've bought Roots

if I'd read the manuscript.

What a life.

Kids, baseball. Ha-ha-ha.

[ muttering ]

They're going to Japan to play the Japanese.

So stupid, these kids.

ENGELBERG: There must be a lot of people who want to see

at least somebody defend the national pastime.

Ja--

BOY 2: We're the only ones willing to go.

Would you please page Marvin P. Lazar? Thank you.

There's your big number, huh?

That's it.A bunch of kids.

Right. A bunch of ragamuffin, American kids

go to Tokyo, Japan to defend the national pastime.

Isn't that a natural? I'm talking national television,

It's gonna be beamed by satellite. I tell you,

I've been waiting for something like this for years.

It's a natural. Louis, all I want from you

is 10 grand. Ten thousand gives you 25 percent.

Twenty-five percent of the entire package.

What do you say, Louis? What do you say?

I ain't putting up nothing, Marvin.

What did you say?

You owe me on a bunch of horses

that still haven't crossed the finish line

Yeah, we'll I'll--I want it by Friday.

Friday? I can't come up with money like that by Friday.

Paging Marvin P. Lazar.

Paging Marvin P. Lazar.

Well, who am I gonna page? Somebody I don't know?

[ boys chattering ]

Are you boys looking for someone?

[ boys chattering ]

It's all right, ma'am, they're with me.

How do you do? Are you with the Bears?

Yeah.This the Bears?

Right. Come on in, fellas.

Here, make yourselves at home.

I got us a nice, big center table.

How do you do? Nice to see you.

Make yourselves at home. How do you do?

Make yourself at home. Stay off my feet.

Yes, please. Sit down, fellas.

There you are. Make yourself comfortable.

Right, my name is Marvin Lazar and welcome to showbiz.

Now, who is it that I've been speaking to on the phone,

E.R.W. Tillyard III?

Uh, that's me, Mr. Lazar.

Oh, yes, well, please don't call me Mr. Lazar.

Marvin's my name. Everybody calls me Marvin.

Forgive me for getting right to the point, Marvin,

but you've already raised the money for our trip to Japan?

I have? Oh, yes, I have. Of course I have.

Good.MARVIN: Now for the boring part.

Contracts. Now, your folks have seen all of these.

These are, in effect,

agreements between me as your promoter,

and you, as the ballplayers.

As you know, your parents all agree with everything

that's been brought up in these contracts.

Because I want you guys to know everything that we do together

will always be on the up-and-up, got it?

Okay. Oh, waitress?

My dear, please, menus for the boys

and they can order their lunch. Wonderful things here.

Nothing more than a buck and a half, only butter sandwiches.

Ha, ha. I'm only joking.

WAITRESS: What would you like?Uh, filet mignon.

Filet mignon?WAITRESS: Filet mignon.

What's the biggest steak you got?

Uh, 16-ounce porterhouse.

It's a little heavy for lunch, isn't it?

Try something lighter, like tuna fish.

[ boys chattering ]

Fresh cracked crab, please.

Crabs. What crabs? Oh, crab.

Yeah, fresh cracked crabs. Right here.

[ all chattering ]

Wait a second. What, uh... What happened to my drink?

[ lounge music playing over speakers ]

Saw you on Kojak the other night.

You were really good.

Would you like a cigarette?

Go ahead.

Got a whole pack.

I'm telling you, guys, I could promote you guys

so good that everybody in the country

will know all about the nine of you.

Ten.Nine.

Ten!When did they change the rules?

Mustapha.What's a Mustapha?

My little brother's gotta go and that makes ten.

No, no, no. I'm sorry. I mean,

I wasn't prepared for ten. Nine, yes, ten, no.

I mean, I gotta come with extra--

Where is he? He's not here, is he?

He's probably under a table somewhere.

Under a table?

What are you talking about?

What are you doing there?

Eating this big, old roll.

Come on, get out of there.

Ah! Look how small he is.

Isn't he a little small for baseball?

My mother works and I'm supposed to watch him.

Well, why don't you send him to daycare?

No way!

What have you got against daycare?

You like daycare?I love daycare.

Then you go to daycare.I haven't got time.

Hey, if he don't go, I don't go.

Excuse me, Marvin.Yeah, what is it?

Marvin, it says here in the contract,

Wait just a minute, yes.

That we each get 2 and a half percent of profits?

Yes, 2 and half. Everybody gets 2 and a half.

Well, it should be 5.What, 5?

What? John Wayne don't get 5.

Five. Are you crazy?

You guys, I think we ought to go now.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute.

Calm down, everybody, will you? Just take it easy.

Just... Ahem.

Maybe I'm a little out of line on the 2 and a half percent.

Why don't we make it, uh, 3?

Four and a half.Four?

[ upbeat theme playing]

Look, fellas, a welcoming committee.

Come on, guys, give them a little smile. Come on.

Coach Shimizu?

Marvin Lazar, it's a pleasure to meet you.

[ speaks in Japanese ]Thank you.

[ both chuckle ]

Wife.Oh, the wife.

The old ball and chain, huh? Ha, ha.

Ha, ha. Welcome to Japan.

Thank you so much. It's a pleasure to be here.

Oh, for me? How kind of you.

Oh, what a beautiful outfit.

Oh, divine. Look at that, guys.

Oh, that's an obi I think they call it, right?

And look at these guys. Don't they look great?

These are the Bears, all excited and ready to go.

The excitement in America is tremendous.

Everybody's waiting for the game, yes.

[ speaks in Japanese ]Thank you, so much.

These, I take it, are the gentlemen of the press.

[ chattering in Japanese ]

[ speaks in Japanese ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

Oh, yeah?

[ boys shouting ]

Hold on.

[ all shouting ]MARVIN: Break it up.

Will you guys break it up? We're strangers here.

Come on, will you stop it?

What are you fighting over?

Now will you wait a minute? Hold it.

Come here.

What happened?

I'm a very sensitive person is what happened.

Where are those California smiles?

Come on, let's go.

Come on, give 'em a little smile.

Just a little smile.Shut up!

[ upbeat theme playing]

[ traditional Japanese music playing ]

[ speaks in Japanese ]

Tillyard.

Tillyard III!

You booked us into a Japanese restaurant.

Why'd you change the reservation?

I had us all set up at the Hilton!

First, Marvin, calm down.Calm down.

We can stay at Hiltons anywhere.

There are cultural aspects to this trip as well as business.

Yeah, cultural aspects. I can appreciate.

[ women speaking in Japanese ]I guess you didn't book us in.

Marvin, at a Japanese yokan

you have to take off your shoes before you go in.

I know that. I know you're supposed to take off your shoes.

All right, guys, take off your shoes.

Can we take them to our rooms?How do I know?

Do I look Japanese?

What do I do about the tennis shoes in my bag?

Put 'em in your purse.What?

Marvin, if I take off my shoes I'm gonna get athlete's foot.

Well, that'll be the only part of you that is an athlete.

Come on, you guys, let's go. Will you? Come on.

Come on, follow the ladies.Welcome.

I have two cards here please.

If you'll put my hotel on the Diners Club

and all phone calls on Bank America. Thank you.

I'm a three-phone man, not a one-phone man.

And I can't go through your switchboard.

No, no. And another thing,

will you please come up with some furniture?

This stuff is so Mickey Mouse, there's no place to sit down.

What? And another thing,

I ordered bedrooms. I got boys with me.

I don't see any beds.

Where do you keep them, in the closet?

What? But I haven't got time--

Well, will you wait a minute, please?

Hey, Tillyard III, will you take this for me, please?

Ow! Oh, my...

Ow! Mustapha, will you stay out from under my feet?

I mean, you're everywhere!

Hey, Marvin.What is it?

You just watch who you be yelling at.

Oh, heh-heh. Sorry.

Excuse me, but I hit my head, Mustapha.

[ chuckles ]

MARVIN: Oh, Jesus.

What the hell is this?

It's very weird and unsanitary.

I know one thing. I'm not gonna use it.

Come on, you guys, will you get out of there?

Look out for the sink in the floor.

Sink in the floor? Uhh.

Sink in the floor.

I still like Marvin anyway.

Don't get to like him too much.How come?

Because he ain't no good is how come.

[ shouting indistinctly ]

I'm going to meet some network people in the morning.

Right. Yeah. Uh, they're over here to-- Shh! Quiet!

They're over here to cover the karate matches.

After that, I think they're going to tape

the ballgame on the 21st.

Since when?Get Rawlings on the other phone.

What'd you say? We'll have a practice in the morning.

Just an exhibition, but a lot of press coverage.

Yeah, network people too.

Loyton, Rawlings, they're both very interested.

Hold on for a minute, will you?

What is this, Yankee Stadium? Will you guys shut up?

Now get to bed!

No.Baseball gloves...

Get to bed.

You got Rawlings yet?

No.Go to bed.

Go to bed. Good night.

Now, look, go to sleep.

I'm not sleepy, Marvin.

You're sleeping.

[ speaking Japanese ]

[ all shouting in Japanese ]

[ teammates clamoring ]

People will love this game with the right promotion.

It's a natural.

We play the game 3:30 a.m. Tokyo time.

It plays opposite the game of the week.

Kills 'em in the ratings.

[ players shouting in Japanese ]

Play ball!

Hit the wrapper off of it, Kelly.

Holy shit, he hit a home run!

Holy shit, he hit a home run!

[ Bears shouting indistinctly ]

Come on, Kelly.

Walk it home.

All right.All right.

Don't make it look too easy.

I want them to know they're in a ball game.

BOY: All right.

All right, come on. You got to stick out more, Mustapha.

You're a big item.What are you talking about?

Take a look at that kisser. It's a heartbreaker.

Play ball!

Come on, Miguel, get a piece of it.

Strike one!

I'm gonna tell you something.

Completely off the record, and I mean it. Ahem.

We got a Mexican kid on the team that's...

Mustapha, please, I'm talking to this nice television man,

and it's important, okay?

Miguel Agilar is his name, and he's an illegal alien.

It's gonna be murder getting him back into the states.

Why are you wearing this big old chain?

Because I like it, and it's attractive.

So badly he was willing to risk anything--

No, it ain't.That's a matter of opinion,

just a matter of opinion.

Risked even being deported just so he could be here

and represent the good old USA.

Now, is that a story?

Strike! Out!

You. Out!

Gracias.

You could say they're a microcosm of America.

We have black boys, Jewish boys...

What are you doing now?Buttoning.

No, leave it open. I like it that way.

That's the style.

Strike! Out!

Stein.

You're not a lefty.Oh, yeah.

[ crowd cheering ]

[ all shouting in Japanese ]

Better go get 'em, gang.

I'm playing short.No.

I'm wanna play short this game.I always play short.

Third is nice.I'll let you play next time.

You get a lot of baseballs.Look, look.

One of you guys play one position.

Why don't you just go play third

and you play short.I wanna play short.

Is somebody going to play center?

Goddamn it! Play left!

You could say what puts this team together,

what keeps them together is pride.

BOY 1: Come on.

Why didn't you get it?Wasn't mine.

Wasn't mine, that was yours.BOY 2: Throw it to second!

Second base!It was closer to you.

So? But--What are you doing?

I was gonna get it, and then I saw you.

He just got a double off of a single.

Ahem. Um, time.

Time!

I wish you guys would get together and play some baseball.

It was yours.It was your fault.

No, you could've gotten it.Yes, it was too.

Stop, stop, stop.

Well, at least we're still ahead.

We'd be lucky to get this on tape delay, condensed.

Ball. Four ball.

Come on, whip it in there!Whip it in there, baby!

[ audience cheers ]

Jet lag, that's all it is.

[ gloomy theme playing]

BOY: Come on, pitch it good, Stein.

[ players shouting indistinctly ]

[ inaudible ]

[ bat strikes ball ]

[ audience cheering ]

We got a real tight schedule this week.

The problem is you people just don't know what sells.

I mean, people want to root. Will you wait a minute?

I got to fly back to the states tonight.

Just wait a minute. Wait.Marvin...

I'm going to do the very best I can for you, believe me.

Ed. Hey.

Marvin, I'll guarantee you one thing.

Nobody back home wants to see a team get beat that badly,

live, tape, or on the news.

Rocky. What about Rocky?

Rocky landed a few punches, Lazar.

I'll be back in a few days, Marvin.

Call me. We'll have lunch.

Yeah.

Lunch.

Hey.

[ both speaking Japanese ]

Oh, here. Go back to the hotel, okay?

Hotel.

[ koto music playing ]

Hey, your playing was really great.

I mean, I never met a geisha before.

Hey, can't you just say a little something to me?

I mean, geishas are supposed to be nice.

[ speaking Japanese ]

Hey, I'm sorry.

I didn't understand what you said.

[ speaking Japanese ]

[ bell ringing ]

Hey, I got something that might help us out.

I'm a baseball player.

Baseball.

You sure have beautiful hair.

Beautiful hair.

Hair.

[ speaking Japanese ]

What?

It means "beautiful hair."

Beautiful hair.

Does that mean yes?

How about it? Would you go to dinner with me or not?

I said it right, didn't I?

About dinner tomorrow?

You missed the last train.

Hey, hey, maybe I should stay.

Hey, hey, hey. Maybe I should spend the night.

I've got no money for a hotel or taxi.

Hey, listen, I wouldn't try anything funny, because...

[ speaking Japanese ]

Didn't think I knew that one, did you?

I've been saving that for last.

Hey, hey, and it's not because you're beautiful.

And not the... [ speaking Japanese ]

Hey, maybe-- Wait a second so I could--

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Dinner tomorrow?

And no chickening now, because I know where you live.

Sayonara.

Your name. I didn't ask your name.

Shit.

[ upbeat theme playing]

Arika. Arika.

Goodbye, Arika.

All right.

Are you telling me your friend can't get it in the newspapers?

Well, what about the sports section?

But it's a sports event.

Look-- Moshi moshi.

Please, off the line. That's Vegas I'm talking--

What? Hello? What do you mean, no more calls?

I can't--

You got no business cutting my Mastercharge card in half.

We were instructed to by the company, Mr. Lazar.

What are you always smiling about?

It's probably some malfunction in the computer.

I'm never behind. There. There's my Diners Club card.

STEIN: Kelly's been gone for hours.

He'll find his way back. It's not--

What'd you cut that card in half for?

Diner is in the same category, thank you.

Don't you have any cash, Marvin?

Oh, cash is out of date.

Cash would be most advisable, Mr. Lazar.

Heh. You're telling me.

Ahem.

How could you bring us over here without a dime?

Back to lounge acts.

You lied to us about everything.

Middle-aged strippers.

There was no game set, no TV thing, no nothing.

No more drive-on pass on the lot.

I think you're overdue for that meeting with Jesus.

CBS would've picked it up.

We've got you on fraud and child abuse.

Oh, if I'd only made them go to bed.

Those are felonies.Go to sleep.

You know what life is like in prison?

For one thing, no telephones.

Yeah, just think about that.

Are you listening, Marvin?

Aw.Aw, God, Marvin.

Estúpido.Trapped in Japan.

[ Bears chattering ]

I still like you, Marvin.

I really do.

Are we really going home air freight?

What's the matter? It's pressurized.

They got pilots--Marvin.

What is it?The word for pawn shop is--

Pawn shop?The first thing you'll sell

is that big gold chain of yours.

It's brass. Everybody happy it's brass?

Okay, troops, this is it. We're prisoners of war,

and we're escaping. Come on. Let's go. Come on.

Shh.

Shh.

[ speaking Japanese ]

[ repeats Japanese phrase ]

Um, calisthenics.

A-one, two, three, four. A-one, two, three, four.

ALL: One and two and three and four.

Baseball.

Bang, bang. Exercise. One, two.

[ speaks Japanese ]

One, two, three, four.

BEARS: One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.

Now what are we going to do?

I could use my Bullocks charge card.

Yeah, like, one, two.All right, all right.

I'll think of something.

[ men shouting in Japanese ]

Are any of the network people here? Network.

Are you press?Yes. Are you press?

Yes, the network. Oh, there's the guy I want to see.

Oh, thank you very much, your highness.

Have you seen Eddie?No, I haven't.

I'm looking for Eddie, one of the network people.

Not right now.Thank you.

You know where I could find him?

You know where I could find him?

No, I don't.You know Eddie?

It's very important I talk to him.

Sorry, sir, you'll have to wait.

MAN: Martial arts champion...

Antonio Inoki!

[ man speaking Japanese ]

Mean Bones Beaudine.

[ soul music playing indistinctly ]

[ speaking Japanese ]

Hyah!

[ applause ]

[ groans ]

[ grunts ]

[ applause ]

[ speaking Japanese ]

[ groans ]

[ grunts ]

[ applause ]

[ breathing heavily ]

[ groans then grunts ]

[ applause ]

[ grunts ]

[ applause ]

Two.

[ groaning ]

[ grunts ]

[ crowd murmuring ]

[ whistles ]

Yes.

There's no way he can make it. He's on his way to the hospital.

I don't know what we'll do. If we don't get something,

it's a million and a half down the drain.

We haven't got time to bring anybody from the states.

We tape in an hour.

That's right, in an hour. Well, how do I know?

It's not my problem. I'll tell you what the problem is.

The guy's head was made of plywood. That was the problem.

And it's not our only problem either.

Who's in charge here?Our announcers.

Our announcers got disgusted.

Is he in charge here?Yeah.

You tell me, who's close? You're kidding.

Get Dick Button on the phone. He's at some ice rink.

Are you in charge?Yes.

Put down the phone. I've been at the Hilton

waiting for a car, 45 minutes.

You people were supposed to pick me up.

Car? What car?My man's here in 30 minutes.

He gets a dressing room, telephone--

Who are you?Lazar. Marvin Lazar.

I've got the replacement for your 7:00 match.

Replacement? What replacement?

Alphonse "The Chopper" Williams.

And it wasn't easy.

How much you getting paid for this?

Enough to pay for the hotel.Swear to God?

Don't bring the Lord into this. Feldman gets upset.

I hope you're not doing anything dishonest.

What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?

Smile. Come on, boys.What's that?

[ knock on door ]

Lazar, where's the chopper?Yeah.

Uh, he's relaxing.I want to see this guy.

This guy's gonna put you on TV. Be nice to him.

[ all chattering ]

They're coming for you. Get dressed.

You're a very fine man, Mr. Lazar.

A thousand dollars is quite a helping hand

to those of us on fixed income.

I want to help as much as I can. There you go.

Put that on.This mask necessary?

Absolutely. It's gonna make you look younger.

What the hell is that?

That is Alphonse, "The Chopper."

Is that what he was going to wear?

That what you're going to wear?

It's a wrap. What's a wrap?

Is this a fashion show or a wrestling match?

Inoki just told me he's not fighting a no-name bum.

That's it.The interview is off?

No match, no interview. It's very simple.

But it's newsworthy.You want that interview?

We pack it in without the match.

You want the kids on TV, you talk to Inoki,

'cause I'm blue in the face from talking to the creep.

[ shouting in Japanese ]

Will you tell him to calm down and put on his gear?

[ speaking Japanese ]

No.

No!

Inoki is most distraught.Oh.

Tonight's match is so important stepping stone

to rematch with Ali.

Thinks worse if he fight that turkey.

But that's nonsense.

It can only improve his chances.

National television.No.

This could be a great match in his career.

No!

What is it? Fear?

[ speaking Japanese ]

[ clears throat ]

Well, let's see what you're afraid of, huh?

Is this the putz you want to duck?

You think Ali will give you a rematch?

[ speaking Japanese ]

Now take it easy. Will you take it easy?

I thought you said the match was a fake.

It is, it is. Please, put on this mask.

What's all this about a match with Muhammad Ali?

I mean, Ali doesn't fake.

All you got to do is just bump into the guy,

lie down and take a full count, okay?

He is a very high-strung gentleman.

Did you see what he did to his locker?

It's prefight nonsense. Believe me when I tell you that.

I have told you in detail about my back problems.

Yes, you did.

And about my Blue Cross being cancelled.

Yes, you did. But I want you to know something.

He's as gentle as a lamb. He's a pussycat, so don't worry.

[ triumphant theme playing]

ANNOUNCER: Spotlight on Sports is on the air.

Welcome to the Tokyo Pavilion.

Hello, everybody, I'm Dick Button,

substituting for Lindsay Nelson and Dick Schapp.

And tonight, we have a unique, if not extraordinary, event.

[ speaking Japanese ]

Antonio Inoki.

[ applause and cheering ]

[ announcer speaking Japanese ]

ANNOUNCER: Introducing, in this corner,

Martial Arts world champion...

Well, it's very clear that the unfortunate cancellation

of Mr. Mean Bones Beaudine

has severely marred the attendance.

Coming to think of it, there's not much attendance at all.

When you get right down to it, there's nobody here.

Would you tell Button to shut up about the crowd?

Dick, 86 the attendance.

[ triumphant theme playing]

Ooh!

--takes a spill. Interestingly enough,

if that had been a figure skating event--

His opponent,

Alfonse "The Chopper" Williams.

Two hundred pounds.

[ Bears cheering ]

Come here.

[ speaking Japanese ]

No hard feelings I hope.

Uhh. Uhh!

[ both speaking Japanese ]Ref, I'm out. Count me out.

I got internal injuries. Get an ambulance.

So that fall apparently is not counting.

You know, it's an interesting thing.

In figure skating, a fall on the ice does not count

unless the skater is doing something beyond his ability.

If that were applied here, we would see very clearly

that he had not done anything beyond his ability,

so the fall doesn't count.

BOY 1: Come on. What a chicken.

BOY 2: Get up, Marvin.

MARVIN: Oh...

[ speaking Japanese ]

No. No, no.

[ both shout ]

Uhh.

Now will you count me out?

[ Inoki speaking Japanese ]

Will you count me out? What's the matter with you?

Start counting, will you? Do something.

Yaah!

BOY 3: Don't do that to Marvin.

[ Bears chattering ]

He's following it up immediately with a triple sock-up.

Now, that is an extremely unusual move.

[ Marvin shouts ]

Marvin's getting hurt.

Hey, Mustapha, get back here.

You'll get hurt.Be careful, Mustapha.

Leave him alone!

What are you-- Will you get out? He's counting me out.

Ref, get back here and start counting.

Get hold of him. Don't let him get away.

BEARS: Mustapha!

Where am I?INOKI: Aah!

God damn you, Lazar.

Is he gone?

Uhh!

That particular move looks very much like the one

Rodnina and Zaitsev of the Soviet Union did

in the figure skating pairs exhibition

at the Olympic Games in Innsbruck.

You remember that in 1976? Beautiful, beautiful.

BOY: Mustapha, come on.

Aah! Aah!

MARVIN: Goodbye.

An entire melee is going on here.

A baseball team--

I can say they are garbed in very attractive uniforms.

Obviously trimmed in yellow and black.

BOY 1: Stop, Ahmad.

BOY 2: I'm going to get you.

BOY 3: That hurt.BOY 4: Come on, let's get him.

[ Inoki groans ]

BOY 5: Pull down his pants.

Marvin, you'll get in the way.

God, that ref took a heck of a shot.

Ooh, a flying six-pin.

Did you see the extension of the leg as it stuck out?

The toe not very well pointed, I will say that.

INOKI: Aah!

BOY 1: Got him.

BOY 2: Come on, grab him!

I'll get him, Marvin.Yeah, right, do that.

Against the ropes.Against the ropes.

All together.

BEARS: One! Two! Three!

You're gonna get it now, sucker.

Aah!

[ triumphant theme playing]

BOY: Let's get him.

BEARS: One! Two! Three!

[ Bears cheering ]

Look at him there being helped off the ring.

Obviously in pain. What an incredible match.

[ applause ]

[ upbeat theme playing]

Don't take pictures of me. Give these to the press.

Fill 'em up, all right? Don't take pictures of me.

Take pictures of the kids. You know, local color.

Fujiyama. Domo origato.

MARVIN: This picture-taking tour is peanuts.

Okay, so what we're doing here is...

In order to throw a curve underhand, go...

Okay.Okay, so...

Here you are. Drink up, please.

Please. My pleasure. Yeah, right.

Hey, look at that. The cover of a national magazine.

Shimaraki, I made it.Shimaroki.

Shima-koo-koo. Would you excuse me for a minute?

You know, this is muy importante.

Sadaharu who?Oh. Sadaharu Oh.

[ speaking Japanese ]

Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron.

[ speaking Japanese ]

If that's his batting stance, he can't be all that good.

He just said that he's already beat

Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron in homers.

Really?

[ speaking Japanese ]

Oh, I see. So if I want to curve it underhand,

I just have to throw it like that.

Very important. Yes.

What is it?Kelly's not on the train.

Kelly-- What?He's not on the train.

He's not? Well, nobody misses him.

Forget it. Go play in the traffic.

[ romantic theme playing]

Origato.

Uh, domo origato.

[ both speak Japanese ]

Hey, why do you cover your mouth when you laugh?

Huh?

Why do you cover your mouth when you laugh?

You got bad teeth or something?

I like your teeth. You have nice teeth.

Oh.

Origato.Do you have a boyfriend?

[ speaking Japanese ]

Another girl?

Oh. Me?

Hai.

Well, a couple,

but, uh, nothing serious.

Not serious?

Not serious.Not serious?

Yes, not serious.

Yes. Not serious?Right.

Hi, everybody.

Let's go. Come on, boys.

Let's get a shot here.

Come on. Everybody in.

Hi, everyone. Oops. I'm so sorry.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Here. Okay. Okay.

You... Okay.

Come on, boys.

Shape up, will you? Take pictures of 'em.

[ speaking Japanese ]

Promo, commercials, all kinds of endorsements.

TV, that's the most important. TV.

Promotion.Don't tell me, tell him.

Okay. Promotion.

[ speaking Japanese ]

[ chattering ]

[ speaks in Japanese ]

I hope Marvin wins us the ball game.

[ Japanese music playing ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

Why all this for children's baseball game, Mr. Lazar?

Has he any idea what this could mean to Japanese baseball?

Well, translate already.

[ speaks in Japanese ]

[ speaks in Japanese ]

He says, "how much money do you stand to make

out of this charade, Mr.Lazar?"

Hopefully, a bundle.

[ speaks in Japanese ]

[ man speaking in Japanese ]

In this area is where the Japanese soldiers

are buried here.

[ speaks in Japanese ]

TRANSLATOR: And here all the pilots

who died in World War II.

[ speaks in Japanese ]

Excuse me, coach, I'm sorry, but you gotta listen to me.

You've gotta cooperate a little bit.

We've gotta create a little animosity between the two teams.

I know what I'm talking about. It's a must.

I mean, we gotta get a couple of

nasty little bits into newspapers. Things like that.

Get you on TV. Well, translate.

[ speaks in Japanese ]

Look, coach. Coach, uh...

I know you think I'm an ass. Okay?

And you've got good cause.

You know, a lot of people with any sense

would feel that way about me.

But a chance like this don't come along too often, you know?

I haven't had too many chances lately.

That's why I don't want to blow it.

All in all, this could mean a damn lot to you,

you know that, don't you?

You'll be able to buy a lot of--

A lot of new equipment for the kids.

Maybe even a little money for yourself.

We don't have to like each other to work with each other.

[ dramatic music playing ]

[ both speaking in Japanese ]

[ vocal exercises ]

That's loosening up?

Listen, don't worry about it.

These people are non-professionals.

Gonna be a piece of cake.

Can't-- Can't lose.

[ speaks in Japanese ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ all singing ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ upbeat music playing ]

Take it easy.

You were great up there.

Great. I knew you could dance,

but where did you learn to sing like that?

[ both singing in Japanese ]

[ speaking indistinctly ]

You want me to take you to the bathroom, I will.

Anything you want, just--

CHOIR: ♪ Sunday, Monday, happy day

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy day ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy day

♪ Saturday beats them all

[ singing in Japanese ]

[ mouthing indistinctly ]

[ man speaking in Japanese ]

[ soft music playing ]

Shimizu.

BOTH: ♪ Moon river

[ singing in Japanese ]

♪ Moon river

♪ And me

[ audience applauds ]

[ man speaking in Japanese ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

Oh, no, you don't. You're going in the wrong direction.

Let's go. Come on.

[ man speaking in Japanese ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ grunts ]

[ audience laughs ]

[ continues speaking in Japanese ]

How's that--?

You're trying to embarass him. Come over here.

Listen. This is not Bob Hope.

You know, or Jerry Lewis or Dean Martin or anybody like that.

He's just a baseball player.

And I think you're coming on a little too strong with him.

Doing funny numbers and shticks with him.

You see, these kind of game shows is in my blood,

I know what I'm talking about.

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ all arguing indistinctly ]

Just don't pick on him.

Shimizu, relax. Don't let him make you--

I'm going, I'm going. Relax.

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ upbeat music playing ]

[ all singing in Japanese ]

ALL: Hey!

[ audience applauds ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ Shimizu speaking in Japanese ]

[ soft music playing ]

[ singing in Japanese ]

[ giggling ]

[ audience applauds ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ both speaking in Japanese ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ drumroll playing ]

[ all cheering ]

[ speaking indistinctly ]

I can't believe it.

[ screaming ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

MAN: You can beat anyone with the Rawlings bat.

[ soft theme playing]

[ no audio ]

MARVIN: Wait till I show you what I got.

Brand new uniforms.

This is for you. Look at that.

But we got uniforms.

Oh, those are rags. I mean, this is the big league stuff.

Look-- Look at the quality of it.

Look at the color, huh? Two blacks, yellows. Huh?

Beautiful, beautiful. Any messages for me?

Eat, eat.

[ speaking indistinctly ]

I need somebody to come up here and clean up the rooms.

I usually wear number 44.

You're gonna wear number eight. I couldn't come up with 44.

But 44 is Hank Aaron's number.

Oh. Well, I'm sorry.

Well, he's retired anyway, so what's the difference?

Take eight. Hello? What?

Joe Morgan, that was the guy.

He had eight. Right. Big hitter.

Yeah, good old Joe Morgan. I forget what his average is.

You know, Chico's sure been good to us.

So what? Chico's been good to us.

What, he gave you some uniforms?

We've come up with 30,000 bucks.

What's four percent of 30,000 bucks, huh?

Twelve hundred dollars.Twelve hundred dollars.

It may not get you through college,

but it'll certainly get you a couple of girls

while you're going through college, huh?

[ door buzzes ]

Hey, they're here.What? Who's here?

What's going on? Who are these guys?

Some of us are going to the game with them. They invited us.

You can't go to the game with them. They're the enemy.

That's fraternizing with the enemy before game time. Don't.

The Lord moves in strange ways

and he's guiding us into a wholesome friendship.

Listen, God bless the Lord,

he doesn't have a percentage of the game.

We just wanna see the side

of whatever old dude they've been saying is so good.

All right, well, take care of yourself.

Out of the way, Marvin.

Eat, eat. L'chaim.

Yeah, l'chaim,goodbye.See ya.

See you later. Hasta luego.

Have a nice time, be careful.

[ sighs ]

I'm staying here with you, Marvin.

No, you're not, I got an appointment.

I'll go with you.No, you won't.

This is a very private appointment. Thank you.

[ whistling ]

[ speaking indistinctly ]

Thank you.

I am refreshed.

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]What?

How was your appointment?

What are you doing here?

Waiting on you.

Come here.

My son.

[ speaking in Japanese ]

What kind of place was it where you had your appointment?

It was kind of a restaurant.There were women in there, huh?

Of course there are women there. Women go to restaurants too.

They gotta eat.

Did you kiss them?

You know, I'm with you guys for 24 hours a day.

You'd think I'd get a couple of minutes to myself.

What are you gonna call it?

Call what?The baby.

What baby?

Kissing's how babies are made.

People go to kissing and babies be popping up everywhere.

That's not true, Mustapha.

Not true at all.

Not kissing, how you do?

How old did you say you were?I'm 6 and a half.

You're a little young to ask questions like that.

Why do people do it?

It's a natural urge. An urge, an urge, a feeling.

Yes, exactly.

Do black people get the same urges as white people?

Exactly the same, exactly.

How about the Japanese?

The Japanese, exactly the same.

Can you stay on your feet?

We only got a couple more steps to go.

How do they get this natural urge?

You're born with this feeling. Don't you understand that?

It's a, um, it's a natural urge.

You see, girls get the feeling, boys get the feeling.

And it's warm.

When they get together.

Is that when you get married?

Uh, not necessarily, no.

What do you do when it gets close?

Ha, ha. I don't even know why I started this.

Do you have to get na--? Do you--?

Do you have to take your clothes off?

Uh, well, it helps, yes.

Ugh. Naked?

Yeah, well, it's not so bad.

Why?Well, it makes things easier.

What?To make things go faster.

What?Smooth and easy. Oh, forget it.

Do you have to get naked?

Uh, well, not completely.

That's good, because when I want babies,

I ain't getting naked no how.

I ain't no fool.

You're certainly not.

[ both laughing ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

Kelly.

This is my father.

Oh, hi, Dad, I'm Kelly.

Kelly. Me. I'm Kelly.

[ speaking in Japanese ]

Kelly.

[ speaking in Japanese ]

Wait? You want me to wait?

Okay. And then we'll go get lunch.

No.

[ speaking in Japanese ]

[ speaking indistinctly ]

[ speaking in Japanese ]

Get out. Get out.

[ snoring ]

[ speaks indistinctly ]

Nervous? Big game tomorrow, huh?

Well, have no fear, Marvin's here.

What's the matter?

Maybe I'm just tired of your hustling.

It's tough in my line of work, you know.

Gotta go out and hustle or else you go nowhere.

If you were some real big shot you'd still be nowhere.

I'll remember that.

Man, you were-- People like you were made to be nowhere.

Got your game, didn't I?

You got us a freak show.What do you mean, freak show?

And dragging my brother all over the place

like he's some puppy dog. You know, I'm sick of that too.

I happen to like your brother.Yeah, what you like

is a cute little nigger with a big smile

who don't mind you sticking a camera in his face.

You got no cause to talk to me like that.

You hurt me when you talk to me like that.

You ain't hurt. You ain't never been hurt.

Hey, Louie.

Marvin.

Now, what are you doing in Tokyo?

I wouldn't miss your big moment for the world.

You wouldn't, huh?

Here on business with a friend.

Promised to introduce you.

Now, get yourself a chaperone for the kids.

He knows a great restaurant.

♪ I suppose I ought to say

♪ Congratulations

You know, what you and those boys are doing,

coming over here and taking that challenge,

that's really something. Really.

Thanks a lot.

They thought I was crazy, but I did it.

It's a shame things can't be evened out a little bit.

You can't change a 200 batter

into an all-star player overnight.

Ahem. Well, that's, uh,

that's not exactly what we had in mind, Mr. Lazar.

What were you suggesting, Locke?

Well... Page 8.

See, these-- These three boys,

They're over here visitng from the States.

And Louie and I are kinda chaperoning them

while they're here.

They're back at the hotel resting up.

They got a big day tomorrow.

And this boy, Henry Linver.

He's got a fastball that takes off

like a goddamn bolt of lightening.

Zing! Zing!

Zing, huh?

When does he, uh, turn 30?

[ Marvin laughing ]

No, no, no. They're all the right age.

They're just big, that's all.

Hell, they're from Texas. What do you expect?

Everything's big in Texas.

Marvin.

Five big ones go down in your name in Vegas.

Five thousand at 25 to 1, Marvin.

You figure it out.

[ marching band playing ]

How's the arm?

Hey, Stein, why you drinking all the water?

Are you nervous?No, I'm thirsty.

Well, guys, Marvin has come through again.

Have I got a surprise for you.

Hey, guys, get in here.

Henry, Mike and Mitch.

Pitcher, shortstop, second base.

Well, you guys were so worried about losing,

I thought I'd do something to help you out.

I mean, I don't want you guys to go out there

and feel embarassed or anything like that.

Uh, Marvin, can we speak to you alone for a minute?

Sure you can, Tillyard.

Why don't you guys go out and warm up, huh?

Throw a couple around.

What is it, Tillyard?

Well, maybe I'm speaking just for myself,

but I don't think we need any help.

I agree.

[ all speaking indistinctly ]

Where did this come from all of a sudden?

We can handle it by ourselves, Marvin.

Oh, yeah? You were singing another tune

the last time you got slaughtered out there.

Things have changed.What's changed?

Well, you've pushed this underdog thing so much.

Everybody thinks we're spazzes.

And now we have something to prove.

You're gonna prove it with the help of these guys.

I didn't get a regiment, you know.

It's not right.[ all chattering ]

Guys, I can't believe what you're saying to me.

If you guys don't like the job I'm doing,

you can tear up the contract, stick it down the toilet.

Let me tell you something.

If I'm gonna stay in charge, you got to do things my way.

Know what I'm saying?

Come here, huh?

Come here. Listen to me.

Let me tell you why

I hired those three guys.

Why that's so important.

If the score is close,

or if you win,

you'll be heroes.

National heroes. Do you know that?

There'll be promotions, commercials.

Listen, if you lose and you lose bad,

you get slaughtered,

you know what you can end up with?

Zilch.

Zilcho.

You know what it means to be zilcho?

All right, get out there and play some baseball.

Come on, let's go.

Fast.

Come on.

A little spirit.

Hey, Marvin.

That was some of your best bullshit yet.

[ playing fanfare ]

Marvin, Marvin.

Bat our boys at the top of the order.

Yeah, yeah.

[ band playing majestic fanfare ]

[ applause ]

Hey!

[ announcer speaking Japanese ]

Play ball!

[ shouting in Japanese ]

[ all cheer ]

[ crowd cheering ]

It's gone!

[ laughs ]You got him, Louis.

[ announcer speaking Japanese ]

Ah!

[ dramatic theme playing]

[ upbeat theme playing]

[ umpire shouts in Japanese ]

They're calling us chicken.

Well,

you got them worried, that's why.

[ all speaking Japanese ]

[ announcer speaking Japanese ]

Out![ crowd cheers ]

Out![ crowd cheers ]

[ shouting in Japanese ][ crowd cheers ]

[ playing fanfare ]

Could have gotten it if you'd have moved your ass.

Could have gotten it if you had have moved your ass.

They're getting set on you.

Don't let them dig in on you, boy.

Did he do that on purpose?

Tillyard, hut.

[ shouting in Japanese ]

[ shouting in Japanese ]

Okay?

Don't worry, Marvin.

They don't know you're doing the best for everybody,

but I do.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Next summer they're going to be sorry.

They'll like you more, like me.

Especially my old man and brother

are gonna be sorry.

Leave me alone, please.

Hey, Marvin.

Will you leave me alone!

[ fans clapping rhythmically ]

[ crowd cheering ]

[ announcer speaking Japanese ]

Did you see that? He tried to hit him.

He wasn't retaliating.How do you know?

They don't play that type of baseball over here, punk.

Who are you calling a punk?

Why don't you just not mess with him?

All right, all right, all right.

Get out there, will you?

Love your boys.

[ crowd cheers ]

LOUIS: Watch out. It's a double play.

Out!

[ all shouting ]

Oh, no.

No-- No shootay.

[ speaks Japanese ]

[ all shouting ]

[ marching band playing ]

Would you leave me alone? Get off me!

I'm just trying to break this fight up!

Now we'll see who's--

Come on, Kelly. Back off, will you?

You're gonna get it!

Will you break it up?

Oh, no, no!Cut it out.

Come on, you guys.

Stop fighting. Break it up.

Come on, beat it!

[ shouting in Japanese ]

What do you want?

[ speaking Japanese ]

What are you screaming at me for?

I don't even know what you're talking about!

[ shouting in mock Japanese ]

[ both grunt ]

[ grunts ]

We should have brought over a manager instead of ballplayers.

That does it, Marvin. We're through.

Will you just tell your boys to cool it?

Yeah.The stadium people say they're

gonna call the thing off if there's more trouble.

Yeah.

Everything's all right.

[ announcer speaking Japanese ]

There's nothing. What is it?

What is it?

ANNOUNCER: Due to circumstances

beyond our control,

the game has been cancelled.

People don't lose entire ball clubs, Lazar.

I don't know what happened. I mean, use your imagination.

Maybe CBS made them a better offer.

Lots of rain check money to pay out.

Twenty-five percent of the gate.

I was in line to do the Super Bowl this year.

[ sighs ]

Well, look,

at 4:00 we lose the light.

But I'm gonna leave the cameras in place.

Now if you and the new Japanese coach

can find your teams by 4:00, let me know.

We'll tape the rest of it without the crowd.

What new Japanese coach? What are you talking about?

Well, the other one resigned, or got fired.

A big disgrace.

What?

The federation his team belonged to

did not take this lightly.

I just wish we had a federation

to deal with people like you.

[ sighs ]

You are my friend.

[ speaking Japanese ]I can't believe it.

All I needed was one more strike.

And I could have done it.

Almost did it.

I'd have gotten myself a couple of game shows.

Ah.

Then I'd go to the movies.

Hm? Yeah.

Movie?Yes. I would use Kubrick first.

First. Him and me, we got the same sensibilities.

[ speaks Japanese ]

You're all right, Shimizu.

What's the matter? Not sharp enough?

Don't you like your steak?

Why are you throwing roses at me?

Shimizu.

Shimizu? Come on, pal.

Not as bad you think.

Come on, cheer up.

Hey, what do you say you come to L.A. with me?

Huh? Stay with me for a little while.

Come on, you could use the rest.

You can stay with me. Things get bad, really,

worst comes to worst, I'll get you a job as a gardener.

What do you say? But you can't commit hari-kari.

I mean, that would be horrible.Huh?

Hara-kiri?Hara-kiri.

I knew I had the pronunciation wrong.

Marvin, you crazy?No--

[ speaking Japanese ]

That's what I'm saying. You must consider it.

No, no.

Yeah, but--[ shouting in Japanese ]

What?

Well, don't get so ex--

Shimizu.

Listen, Shimizu.

Well, on second thought, you know,

it's tough to get a job in Hollywood now.

You should have been there in the '40s.

[ exhales ]

You'd have worked in every picture in town.

You'd have had a lot of death scenes.

And you'd have been good.

[ speaks Japanese ]

I don't know what it is with you.

You're so contrary.

Maybe it's all that raw fish you eat.

Marvin, come here.

What do you want?

What?

[ all shouting ]

Come on, get a move on.

[ shouting indistinctly ]

He did it! Oh, he did it! That's my brother!

Safe!

[ indistinct shouting ]

[ upbeat theme playing]

Out!

Safe![ grunts ]

Hey, what are you doing? You were safe.

I thought so too.So, what are you doing?

You could just tell he didn't think so.

Well, I think he needs a pair of glasses.

[ speaking Japanese ]

What?

Dishonest.

BOY 1: Come on, Kelly. Get a hit.

BOY 2: Snap out of it. You're not concentrating, Kelly.

BOY: Come on, Kelly.

BOY 1: Come on, Kelly. Pay attention.

Baby!

BOY 1: That's two.UMPIRE: Strike two.

BOY 1: Lighten up, will you, Kelly?

Kelly!

[ upbeat theme playing]

[ indistinct shouting ]

And that's three.

No! What do you mean no?

[ speaking Japanese ]

But it can't be.

What?Well, come on.

Get their uniforms on, get them back to the stadium.

But they played already.

They--

[ speaking Japanese ]

Lazar. You bastard.

You're contractually obligated to deliver a game.

Nothing in the contract about a doubleheader.

And you call me that name one more time,

I'm gonna knock you right on your ass.

No writing, no writing.

Now listen, Lazar,

I will personally see to it the network sues your ass off

if you don't get those boys to the stadium.

Sue me.

Here. Here's my Bullex card. Put it where you like.

I'm through promoting, hyping or anything else.

You understand that? You want these kids to play?

You go ask them. I'm through with this bullshit.

I'm not in the business. Right, Ahmad?

You're getting there, man.

I think it's happened.

BOY 1: Hey, you guys, how about some Coke?

BOY 2: Hey, you guys, wait up.

Ah, you...

Ah...

Shimizu? Yeah?

Next year, Cuba.

Cuba?

We take the both teams.

I get Castro to throw the first ball out.

[ children singing in Japanese ]

♪ Buy me some peanuts And Cracker Jacks ♪

♪ I don't care If I ever get back ♪

[ children singing in Japanese ]

♪ If they don't win It's a shame ♪

[ children singing in Japanese ]

♪ Two, three strikes You're out ♪

♪ At the old ballgame

[ upbeat theme playing]