Original subtitles

~Translated by Mssr. Best~

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Mr. Rosati? - Yes. - Tell me.

I earned a Master's abroad, two specializations in Italy.

- And you want to work here? - Yes. I'm looking for a profitable job.

And as I'm getting married, a full-time contract.

Here's a nice opportunity:

5,000 euros a month, a company car,

insurance, a cell phone for 24 Hrs.

- You're kidding? - Yes, but you started it.

Miss, take this nutcase.

- You're the nutcase? - Yes.

Mr. Canfora, Staiands here.

- Wait ten seconds. - The usual.

Staiano, please sit down. You've had breakfast?

- Yes, thank you. - Fruitjuice?

- No. - Apple, banana, kiwi?

- No, no... _Now, to us.

How long have you been with us?

17 years.

We've come far together.

But, a time comes when a son

must leave his father's hand.

- You're firing me? - No, exploiting your potential.

I want you to fly solo.

- I wanted to start a family. - I was thinking of them!

10.000 euros? After 17 years, 10.000 euros?

10.000 euros after 17 years, what for?

Thankyou. You're bastards, cowards!

I feel sick.

Fruit juice?

Fruit juice? He says fruit juice...

Dead Wood

Mr. Canfora, the director

- wants to see you immediately. - The director? Me?

Yes.

A promotion's coming. I can't take this anymore.

The body of Christ.

Don't crowd, don't push.

Respect for the body of Christ.

Ms. Caterina! She's good, but insatiable.

What is it? I'm officiating.

The children, it's an emergency, hurry.

- I'm sorry, please excuse me. - And with your spirit.

Sure, okay... wrap it up.

Testing one, two, three.

- Children... - Good grief!

Children, it's me, Father Germ ano.

- We don't have fathers! - Don't talk, read this.

- What is it? - Requests.

- Requests? - Yes.

-"New mattresses". -Sure.

"CrossBox". What's that?

You read it Xbox. It's a new toy.

Then write it correctly.

"New snacks", ours are no good? What's wrong with them?

- Father Graziano sends them. - He's a missionary in the Congo?

Right. Not even African kids will eat these snacks.

- Ottavia, you always exaggerate. - Yeah, sure...

Children, now I'll eat a snack to show how good they are.

Mmm, what a snack!

The hens get these or Ms. Caterina, she's insatiable.

- Come in, Canfora. - Good morning, Sir.

- Please sit down. - Thank you.

The company's dead eood's gone.

Excellent work. I've always liked you,

really, I admire you. And I envy you.

Young, dynamic, vigorous.

I imagine your life with all the beautiful girls.

I'm waiting to be lovestruck!

Let's talk seriously. Have you had breakfast?

Can I offer some kiwi juice?

How long have you been with us?

- Nine years. - Quite a longtime.

We've come far together.

But a time comes when a father...

-You're firing me ? - You're starting on the wrong foot.

No, not on the wrong foot, with a head butt.

You'll take me back, I know too much about the company!

I'll appeal, you hard-head!

St. Thomas... Tell me how I can buy the CrossBox?

I can't make anyone happy,

tell me what to do.

One sign. Give mejust one sign.

St. Thomas?

No, sorry, I didn't...

what is it?

My brother?

- You're all good looking. - Thanks.

But you don't use words right. That's the problem,

that's the trick. What do you do?

- I sell tissues at traffic lights. - A glaring error, don't say that.

Say: "I sell nasal hygiene products person-to-person",

it sounds better.

- It sounds great. - You're my friend.

Thank you.

What do you do?

I'm not pimp,

I sell curbside services for motorists' weiibeing.

Hear that?

- You're a great talent. - Thank you, teacher.

Fulvio Canfora, they've come for you.

- Who? - Your brother and sister.

- I haven't seen them in years. - That's what they said.

Your arrest was almost a good thing.

At least we're together again.

In all these years you never came to visit.

Cheer up, three months will go by fast.

Under Germands tutelage? Jail's better!

Young man!

No, not you, please sit down.

Young man, let's get one thing straight.

We're not on vacation, you're under my tutelage,

so shape up.

Father.

- Can he sit next to you? - Certainly.

- He gets a little carsick. - Thanks a lot.

Thank you.

Be good, be good, little boy.

No, kid, don't look at me.

If you do, it's worse.

Look straight ahead, move your eyes, look at the view.

Don't look at me, look there, glance around.

Look, look, look!

A fawn! A little fawn...

A fawn... look, another one! Two fawns!

No, little boy, no!

That's Lower Citadel up on the hill,

and Upper Citadel is in the valley.

I'm so sorry, I'm mortified,

he's even got a motion-sickness patch.

Next time put it on his mouth.

- Okay. - Go.

Don't worry, you'll like it here.

Since we moved here, our marriage is much better.

Vittorio's much more bubbly.

- Hi, Fulvio. - He must have gone flat during the trip.

Hello my love, was it a good trip?

- I brought your shawl. - Did those curves bother you?

- No. - They bother me.

Fulvio, let's start walking towards the institute.

Let's go, c'mon.

A slight slope, then a gentle rise.

This was Father Callisto's room,

now it's yours. There's a wardrobe here with left-over clothes.

As you see, there's every comfort. It's got everything.

- Even mildew. - That's not mildew, just some dampness.

Some? Fish rent this place for a vacation.

Hurry up, your brother's delaying dinner for you.

Get moving.

Let us pray. Lord, bless this food and protect those who cannot partake.

Amen.

The parable?

Good, Giulia.

Put it down. Down.

It's tradition

for guests at this table to tell the children a parable.

But the pasta will cool.

- No, it won't cool. - C'mon, Fulvio.

Why's he laughing? He never does.

- I like the parable about Moses. - You want it from me now?

- Yes. - Yeah... - What do I say?

He went there, parted the waters...

No waters.

-Whoare we talking about? - Sinai.

He wote"Sinai"? - It's a song?

- What's so funny? - Mount Sinai, the Tablets.

- We were talking about Moses. - Well...

Moses woke up thinking:

"I must fix up those tablets, I always say I will..."

- "But I never do it". - "But I never do it".

Moses was resolute, when he thought something, he did it,

like his family always said:

"Mooseees all things soolveees!"

Moses took all the tablets and went up the mountain alone.

He was intelligent and productive, so, what did he do?

He put them all together, one by one.

He was amazed: 'What did I do?", said Moses.

And he stood with tablets, waiting.

The Ten Commandments. The First Commandment was...

"Download an app".

Now we can eat.

Fulvio, you don't understand the rules here, it's a bad start.

Very, very bad.

- Now we caneat. - Let's eat!

Clean your plates.

Wfhy did they wash my suit and tie? They're nuts.

- Hi, Fulvio. - Hi...

- Are you a mechanic? - You better believe it!

- Children, breakfast is ready! - Coming!

Bye, Chiara!

Don't just stand there, help me.

- Are you talking to me? -Aren't you Fulvio,

Father Germano's brother? Help me.

Where did "please" go?

Ottavia always moves my vases, the aster is near you.

- Where should it be? - In a white vase.

White?

Maybe I know where it is.

- Here. - Thankyou.

- No, it's not the aster. - What?

It was at the end, I took the... 'laster' of all.

- The 'laster' of all? - I was confused?

It's the second-Master?

Sorry, I don't understand plants and flowers.

I'm in a totally different field, marketing.

I work in a company at a high level,

with big names, like... Virgilio Paioni...

maybe you don't know him, but he's really big.

I won a prize as the Year's Best Salesman.

I sold a lady a cuckoo clock.

Is that difficult?

No, but I sold her a half a kilo of birdseed for the bird too.

Chiara. Canfora, Fulvio.

She's Ottawa's granddaughter,

the Lord took her sight as a child,

but gave her lots more. She's intelligent, sensitive, clever,

and all the children are in her care.

Also because Ottawa's getting elderly.

She has a certain sensitivity... really beautiful.

Her mouth's intelligent, her... skin, she's got...

No, l forbid you to think of her like that.

Of Ottavia, you said it yourself, she's elderly.

Sure, okay, Ottavia... C'mon, help me.

Germano!

This is Dad's motorcycle?

- Yes. - The one he gave to us?

No, to me.

The summer I moved to the seminary.

Our last summer together, remember?

On vacation in Calabria, right?

Remember those two girls?

One drove you crazy, she had two bell towers...

Sorry, just to help you remember...

- Petra. Her name was Petra. - You remember!

Not bell towers, they were two big domes.

In fact, Petra, from the Latin for "stone"

Remember what you called her? The Dome!

Careful, careful! C'mon.

- I thought you wanted to reminisce. -A little respect, look at me.

Help me with the other crates.

You should be happy, it was your dream to have a place all your own

to assist children, it's a nice thing.

I can't sleep at night.

If they close us, the children will go to other institutes.

- They say a depression's on. - Even for you priests?

Don't you get tax contributions?

Tax contributions... it's taxing enough making ends meet.

Can't you see the church? It's falling to pieces,

I'm in debt with the whole town.

The truth is it would take a miracle.

That's what would save us.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Do you have Internet? - We have Nocino.

No, Internet, a PC.

- Can I help you? - Do you have Internet?

Alfredo, pour him an Internet.

- Figaro, handle this. - What is it?

Hello. This needs a connection, nothing posh.

Brioche? Come early,

- that's when they're fresh. - Computers.

- Ters? - Whatsapp?

Ketchup.

A ketchup.

This is discouraging.

Legend has it that when Don Peppino Prisco's son

got his alimentary school certificate,

he printed his essay on a computer.

So, let's go get it.

Let's go! To the computer!

- The Mass is over... - No.

No?

I said no, because no one's yet...

- What? - I follow you, you know that...

But you didn't do it all, you made a mistake.

That nice thing you do so well is missing...

No, that nice thing you do...

when you say: "take and eat"...

Did he do it, ma'am?

He didn't. No Communion.

Ms. Caterina, you shake your head? We have a problem.

You'd lie to get seconds at Communion.

- What were we saying? - The Mass is over.

The Mass...

But... You didn't do that other thing:

"offer each other peace".

Ms m

There was no kiss... was there?

No? Ms. Virginia...

You, a woman with a year attendance record...

I'm very disappointed.

She disappointed me too. I know her...

we don't really know one another, but you're doing things that...

- The Mass is over... - But the altar boys must sing!

You're right about that, I'd rather they don't,

I think it's out of place, therefore...

You are my life, I have no other. No other life!

Sorry, could you light a candle?

No, no change. Thank you.

I fear not if you are with me. You're with me!

The Mass is over...

He's crying! He's crying!

He's crying! Miracle!

Miracle!

Who's crying? Let's not disturb the saints.

Who's crying? Who...

Let us pray.

BARBER ST. THOMAS

TEARS OF ST. THOMAS

LOWER CITADEL THE CITY OF NOCINO

THE CITY OF ST. THOMAS

PILGRIMAGE SELL-OUT TO LOWER CITADEL

- Where does this go? - Upstairs. Ottavia, take them up.

- Come with me. - Your beds are here.

- So we'll record this? - Good, you can watch it later.

Do some painting.

- What are you doing? - Giving him a second coat.

- Why yellow? - Think gray's better?

This way.

Young man!

We're sure all this is a donation?

- It's Christian charity. - And we don't pay?

No.

Fulvio, come down and help me.

This way tightens. Like this loosens,

this tightens, this loosens.

Especially for brakes, it takes the 'touch'.

- It takes the 'touch'. - What's it take? - The 'touch'.

Good, Mariolino. Keep going.

Tickets for the Mass!

Any more front row seats?

Just side aisles. 75, first on the right.

Don't worry, don't get over-excited.

That way. Tickets!

That way, hurry, don't block traffic.

Fast! Your ticket, thank you.

- Seat 4, row 2, go. - "Three".

Not "three", "four".

Go, don't make me yell in church!

Dear brothers and sisters,

today is a great day for our community.

I'd like to begin with simple words. Thank you, St. Thomas.

And thank you to Noviello Furnishers,

our sponsor who always gives so much emotion.

-A reminder of their special offer? - No.

Too bad, it's a night stand with lamp,

an exceptional offer.

Germano and I canassure you. - No, I'm no part og this.

Noviello Decor... Furnishings Galore.

- Thank you, now please... - No rhyme, but you buy on time.

Let's have a big hand for Germano, he'sthe best.

No, no, please...

I didn't do a thing, I didn't do a thing.

That's enough! Stop it!

- Germano our Hero! - Please.

We'll now sit and ask for forgiveness.

Take your pictures here! Take your pictures here!

No pushing.

First of all, respect the line.

Hey, kid, go!

- You, turn on your hazard lights! - Take your pictures here!

Take your pictures here!

- Vittorio, where are you going? - Wait here, my love.

Hello,

this is an offering for a job for my grandson,

he's out of work, poor thing. And... here's another offering.

This one is for the Soccer Championship for Naples.

I'll talk to St. Thomas and St. Soccer too.

Thank you.

I want to be a father.

So? Am I a gynecologist?

- No, St. Thomas. St. Thomasis a gynecologist?

A miracle.

- 10 euros to be a father? - 15?

20 and it can be twins.

20?

Okay, 20.

Hi, I'm here with my brother.

I thought he was your snack buddy.

He's my little brother.

He wants to get into show business.

- The kid's got what it takes. - I see that.

Look, look here.

- So,what can he be? - I don't know,

but with another turn... he can be a kebab.

- So, we wait. - For him to cook. May the Holy Snack be with you.

- Hurray for St.Thomas! -Always.

Hurray!

What a truck! I got rammed.

- Take your pictures here! -Don't yell.

I've got a blue one too.

- Nice, everone's in the square. - Hi, Fulvio.

- Wfhy not get some candy? - I don't want any.

He's just trying to be alone with Chiara.

Go, tubby, go...

Your girlfriend's there too, a partner in 'grime'.

- It's nice to see you. - Thanks, but all these voices around me are new.

They're new for the whole town.

Help her, c'mon.

Not now. What do you say?

- Need a café? -The boulangerie.

- Le sandwich. - Sandwiches!

- Hungry at 10 a.m.? - Pardon?

Follow your nos-é, it's right down ther-é.

Not the first-e, not the second-e, not the third-e. There's polio-e.

- Franco. - Franchino.

Francois.

He's got a baton, got a palet, he'll get ya a baguette.

La baguette!

Talk food, she picks up fast. She seems dens-e, but food's her way.

You come with me.

He sent us away because he wants to eat Chiara.

- Eat? - He wants to kiss her.

When a boy kisses a girl it's like he eats her

- because he kisses her mouth. - You better believe it.

I confirm. - Hey, aren't those guys from Upper Citadel?

Yeah, they're spying, I'll fix 'em, come on.

Let us by! Keep moving! All thesepeople...

It's a slap in the face to Upper Citadel.

All this stuff, hats, scarves, gloves.

Did St. Thomas die of cold?

Peach pit.

- How do I look? - Take that stuff off!

Want to aid the competition?

- See? - See, what?

Something has to come to our heads.

- Did domething come? -A stone.

What are they selling here?

Various things, no trinkets, no knickknacks.

All things that don't exploit the Saint.

The autographed images of St. Thomas are selling like hotcakes.

- Autographed? - Yes, his idea.

- In faith, St. Thomas. - What? "In faith"?

Meaning the faithful...

Fulvio, you can explain later.

You make me look bad. Don't you understand gestures?

What a bore!

- Phone cards! - What is this thing?

This is a phone card for when the Lord calls.

- Two, please. - We're organized.

- Thank you. - Hallelujah, on high.

Hallelujah. Jah, Jah on high, hallelujah!

Father Germano! Father Germano!

- Who is it? -what?

Your sister argued again with her husband.

She won't leave the bathroom.

I'm coming.

- Help me! - How can I?

You and my sister don't get along, you're totally different.

But she swore eternal love.

It's just words, what did you swear before God?

"I'll love her for better or for worse".

Isn't that a fib? When did you ever have a 'better'?

You've never worked, you've always been razzed.

- Always, always, always. - You have a fragile physique.

Adele doesn't want me, she says I'm a bit lifeless.

A bit lifeless? Vlfhen you pass on, they'll write:

"Vittorio lacoponi has died again."

And don't cry, you look bad in my sister's eyes.

- Be a man. - I just can't.

- What's wrong? - Nothing.

Fulvio says Adele and I should separate.

- What? - Just an idea.

Vittorio, look at me.

You and Adele made an oath before God.

- He says the oath has no value. - You're a liar!

Stop it! Stop arguing, I can't understand a thing.

Let Vittorio talk. Spit it out.

Good, these are the words...

You look at me? No, hear the man himself.

I'll do the talking. Vittorio, would you please say that again?

I'm sorry, "no daruth" sorry.

The pain, I clearly feel the pain, on my skin.

It's the text I can't...

- Know the truth... - Oh!

Adele doesn't want me because I'm sterile.

That too!

We all have our flaws.

- One though, one! - Don't look at him, look at me.

It's the Lord who gives us life. He offered you other things,

- joy, congeniality, love of life. - You could have taken at least one.

Don't look at him, look at me. I'll talk to Adele myself.

Talk to her. Talk to her.

The pain, the pain, the pain. Your nails.

I'll go, you know her, she's impulsive, instinctive.

- You come with me. - Talk to her, talk to her.

Are you nuts?

Talk to her! Talk to her!

You can't stay locked in there forever.

I'm never coming out, okay?

She won't come out.

Leave thisto me.

Adele, open up, it's Germano.

- Get Vittorio, they're coming out. - I'll get Vittorio.

Did he talk to her?

Here's our Adele. She's fine now, she understands. She understands.

- Sorry, Vittorio. - My love...

Just relax, don't worry, it was nothing.

- Let's go home? - Yes.

Mariolino, come here. D+.

Although both were sons of carpenters,

Jesus and Pinocchio weren't brothers.

- Is that confirmed? - Absolutely confirmed for the moment but maybe...

Tommasino, come here, good, B+.

- COme and get your homework. - way to go!

Let's restrain our enthusiasm.

Sandfino. Come here, come here.

Look.

Sandrino, you could do well, but you don't.

- May I say something? - Sure.

It's true, I copied, I copied every word. Every word from him.

Every word, every word.

So how did he get B+ and I got D-?

- Tell me that. - Because you copied even the name.

- My name. - No, his name.

Sit down.

In your face!

What's all this? Who taught you that?

He did, Fulvio, and he also taught us:

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, we like it!

Stop, stop! That's enough, sit down.

He taught us before you came.

You're all penalized. The Old Testament.

- No! - Yes! The Oldest Testament.

starting from scratch. Young man!

I'm off to get the Oldest Testament.

- You're responsible. - I'm a janitor?

Kids, I've said a million times, when there's a penalty,

there's a penalty.

- Hi, everybody. - Chiara.

It's a beautiful sunny day, let's go play?

Father Germano said we're penalized.

Meaning, I'll teach you a game with penalties:

football. Put the ball like this,

then kick it hard

because the field is very long, 120 yards.

- What? - I dunno.

Once beyond that line, we can say we have a touchdown.

-What? - Igot nothin' before, now niether.

- Who's the first kicker? - Me.

- Ler's play football!

- There'll be laughter!

- All together!

- A game that is special!

Go.

- That's howto win easy!

- Fulvio got hurt. - He got hurt?

- What is it, bleach? - No, it's jasmine.

I smelled something before... was it vinegar?

- No, it was lavender. - You can't even get one smell right.

- How are you? - My headache's going.

It's going, it was the fall.

- I need some air. - Great idea, Chiara, you go with him.

Yeah, c'm on, Chiara, go with him. Alright.

Okay, but don't yell.

My headache's coming back.

I can still smell the odor of the cart and the wheat.

No, it was hay.

Bread. It's the odor of the nicest things,

of purity, smell it?

- I smell a stench. - Yes, me too.

- Where's it coming from? - From there.

Wow, what a smell.

Join me, join me.

This... with a little honey on it,

- is to die for. - And if we eat it,we will.

I know, you did it for me.

After all, I'd asked for a sign and you gave me one.

Thank you.

It's just that now I... I'm disoriented, I don't understand,

and all this marketing in your name, with your likeness.

Could you maybe... give me another sign

so I can understand the first?

Sorry, man-on-the-ladder, what's all this stuff?

WOODWORM-PROOF CROSSES

- It was your brother. - It works.

- I found the socket. - Excuse me, who are you? Present yourself.

I'm from the Noviello company. Who are you?

No, no, no!

I'm ashamed, the church is a place of prayer.

People don't come to pray, they come to buy.

No money, you complained, now with money, you complain.

I don't want this money, can you understand?

- Why are you yelling? - It's him.

No, children, I'm not yelling. Go do your homework.

- And you, put that snack down. -But I'm hungry I ate 10 minutes ago.

Put that snack down.

Fulvio, do you like my bathing suit for the beach tomorrow?

- Very pretty. - What beach?

What bathing suit? Aside the cold,

tomorrow there's the long-awaited pilgrimage

to the mountain sanctuary of the Divine Providence. it's a wow...

No, we're going to the beach.

I didn't tell you, but we organized for the beach tomorrow.

Here it comes...

You organized for the beach... is this a joke?

Go study and tomorrow we're off to the sanctuary.

- You're a meanie! - Yeah!

Germano's a meanie, you're good.

Let's go, come with me children.

- Meany! - Quiet.

Meany!

I think the time has come for you to leave.

i already have enough children to tend to.

I don't need another one.

No reply from TDM.

- It must be Vittorio. - And if it's Fulvio and Germano? They hate me.

Where are you going?

- I was out there for half an hour. -Sorry.

- Sorry... - Let's go for a walk?

No, I just walked five kilometers.

I argued with Germano. He's so dismal...

- The fact is, he's just... - What happened?

Whatever the problem, he always has this air...

Get me some tanning lotion.

- What for? - I'm under a sunlamp.

- Sorrt. - Let me talk.

- Sit down. - Adele, one thing I don't get.

- Vittorio's not here? - He goes to church at this time.

- What does he do? - Nothing

- And what work do you do? - Nothing, he's against it.

Because he decides, he's the man of the house.

And how do you get by?

Vittorio got an inheritance a few years ago.

- My shoelaces... - No, I'll do it.

You never could tie your own shoes, rem ember?

There we go.

- Adele... - Fulvio?

How ofien have I said not to smoke?

You'll ruin yourself, you have such nice white teeth, why smoke?

You're right, sorry.

- That guy again? - What could I do?

I hadn't seen him for two years, he was on tour nearby.

Hey, man!

Come out, c'mon.

- I realize that... Been found out? - I guess.

- Get roughed up? - It might happen.

Bruises? Arguing...

When feelings are the source, there's no remorse.

May I?

This is well-deserved.

What? On the table?

Performance.

You came my way, and only my way

you get vibes, Adele.

I came your way, and only your way

I get vibes, Adele.

Don't listen if they call me a punk,

it's envy, they can't see I'm a hunk.

Want to smash this dream? Adele you're my theme.

A counting-rhyme will do, you're it, you're it.

Doll, don't be blue, I'm the man for you!

I'm actually re-evaluating my brother-in-law.

If I may.

You're it, you're it, you're it.

- Fulvio, get in. - Leave me alone.

Get in, I'm your guardian.

- Leave me alone. - Get in.

Get in right now!

Get in.

Who's Canfora?

- Just one, who's Fulvio? - Me.

Come with me, you wait here.

Are you nervous? Him too.

Come with me. Does it hurt?

No, no, don't look at me.

Stay calm, stay calm... Please. Excuse me, kid...

Don't look at me. Don't look at me.

Stay calm

I'll do this. Wfait, stay calm, stay calm.

Don't look at me, we've been through this before.

Don't look at me, look around.

Look at the fawn, don't look at me, look at the fawn.

See the fawn, it was rare in the forest...

A fawn in the hospital, see the fawn in the hospital.

You were lucky, it could have been much worse.

Sure, the boy could have been incontinent.

- I meant your leg. -Yes. Thank you.

Go along.

Goodbye.

Father Germano, we're sorry.

Come here.

I'd say it's going to be sunny tomorrow. Nice and warm, very warm.

- Penalty! - Why the penalty?

it's a penalty, that's that! Let him be, it's the way he is.

I'll kick it. The one who can, kicks it.

- Goal! -C'mon, kick.

In your face!

- You too? - When you gotta, you gotta.

Vittorio, be serious...

- I don't even want to play. - You didn't,

you stood on the goal line with that tongue... you looked like a lizard.

C'mon, let's play, c'mon!

Goal!

Paint it with glue.

So children, always remember, the last shall be first.

Therefore, even losers should be treated like winners.

Let's give Fulvio, the loser, a seat. He must be exhausted.

I'm not tired. What's so funny?

There, sit there, because you lost.

Let's go swimming.

Let's go swimming.

Don't get them wet, they'll get pneumonia.

Why don't you come too?

But I'll get wet.

Go on, I like it!

What are you doing? Going swimming with a chair?

Because the sea is mirror-smooth, I thought I'd sit in it and reflect.

Dig, fast.

Call Vittorio.

Come here!

No, thanks, I'd rather stay here and read.

- But the children would like it. - C'mon, Vittorio, make them happy.

Just one minute, c'mon.

I didn't want to get buried in the sand.

- A wasp, a wasp! - Where is it?

Wasp? I'm scared of wasps!

Give me a shovel, I'll kill it!

Quiet, don't shout, where is it?

- It's here. - Now I'll kill it!

- What happened to him? - Nothing, a little sunstroke.

- Yes, there was a lot of sun. - Indeed, the sun really beat down!

Quiet, the kids are sleeping.

Am I disturbing you?

No, no, quite the opposite. You can help me see outside the window.

- Where are we? - We're on theAmalfi Coast.

The Amalfl Coast is beautiful.

My my

I remember you could see the sea.

And you could see Fornillo Beach.

There was a Saracen tower.

Vlfho knows all the beautiful things I'm missing.

You're not missing anything,

the Saracen tower is gone.

Really.

A huge wave washed it away completely.

And the sea salt eroded it.

The beach that was there is gone.

There's an oil refinery, one that's gray and ugly.

Not even seagulls come anymore, it's so sad.

Can I tell you something?

This view is really awful.

There they are, there they are.

I can't see from here, give me your spot.

I reserved it.

- What's that? A cat? - No. It's a fat cow.

No, I mean, holy cow, these squirrels are everywhere.

They eat the leaves of the plants,

of the begonias, the dahlias.

Right, they even eat name cards.

It was to help me remember.

By now you know plants better than people.

In fact, I don't know your features. Let me look at you.

- This is my nose. - An important nose.

Yes, but it's stayed humble, it's not a snobbish,

up-turned nose, it's a working-class nose.

These are my eyes.

- Blue. - Blue?

Both of them.

Slide down my nose, you'll find my mouth.

Good night.

Please, Ms. Maria, let's put an end to useless gossip.

- You must take my confession. -As a woman or as a sister?

- Or as a devotee? - Devotee, that word there.

Alright. Wfhat were you up to this time?

I don't know how to explain it, something has happened.

A fire started burning inside and I couldn't say no.

I'm pregnant.

My brothers and sisters, St. Thomas taught us it's not

easy to have faith. He too wanted to touch the wound on His side.

That's why he sent us a sign.

And here it is, our sign, our wounded side.

My sister Adele and her husband Vittorio.

They had one chance in a million,

0.001% to have a baby,

and St. Thomas granted her grace.

And so, just for today, but only today,

let us give vent to a song of rejoice. Music.

One, two, three...

Oh Mama, Mama, Mama,

the reason... for... the thumping of my coeur

is 'cause I've seen St. Thomas, is 'cause I've seen St. Thomas,

hey, Mama, a miracle for sure!

A miracle!

My friends, next week we'll celebrate our patron St. Thomas.

Never before like this year,

must we organize a memorable feast.

Upper Citadel will try to eclipse us

by firing double our fireworks.

- Every year they challenge us. - Ottavia, rattle off our data.

Roof refurbishment of the St. Thomas chapel, 3.500 euros.

- Financier: Vittorio. - Well done, Vittorio.

Then come the fireworks, 2.500 euros.

- Financier: Vittorio. - Well done, Vittorio.

Then a grand orchestra, directly from Piedigrotta:

- 2.80 euros. - Financier: again Vittorio.

Well done, Vittorio.

Haven't you gone a bit overboard?

Adele, you both were granted grace.

I touched His wound.

Yes, in fact Vittorio has decided... You've decided, haven't you?

- To go in pilgrimage to St. Thomas' tomb. - Good.

In fact, he's going to India. You're really going, right?

- Of course, I touched His wound. - He touched His wound.

Now he's wounded for 9.000 euros! Well done, Vittorio.

Hurry, let's get ready for the feast!

Children, I don't like the way it's going this evening.

Fulvio, come here.

Why are the children on the roof?

They're not children, they're satellite dishes, always on the roof.

- Give me a hand. - Reach with your arm.

First one. Now we'll drop down slowly, one at a time.

- Go, Giacomino. - That's one.

- Now another one. - Go now, go... ouch!

I cracked a vertebra. Two.

- There's... - Let's get organized.

Let's think. Sandrino, do you see a descent, a gentle slope behind you?

There's nothing, no.

- The Papal chair? - The Papal chair.

So, Sandrino, we opted for a soft Papal chair.

Roll off when we say 'three'...

Sandrino, no sooner, no later.

- Exactly on three, go. - Exactly.

I'm not hurt at all.

You're really good at dancing.

My complim... I didn't know...

But, I think, the one who was really sleazy,

was that dancer who was sweating like a mule.

People didn't even dance near him, he was splattering sweat.

He flooded the whole square.

What an appetite those dancers must work up.

A situation really...

All that energy! Where are they from?

Hungary I think, maybe Ghana.

And tonight, they're Ghana be really Hungary!

You know, the TDM accepted my appeal, I've been offered a job.

Would you come to the city with me?

No, I'm afraid.

I already tried but it didn't work.

Fulvio, Chiara, c'mon, let's go, the procession's starting.

They're all waiting.

Go on, I'll catch up later.

- What happened? - We're out of gas.

We always end up looking bad.

Good thing you're open, Pasquale, you're our safety valve.

- I know, safety first. - Well said,

if only they all thought like you. How much, my friend?

- That's eight. - Here's ten.

Goes right here. Your change is two flares.

Both for me? One each.

See in there? I've got loads of fireworks.

Safety first, take care.

I'm back!

Here he is. Let's move, if Upper Citadel should see us...

Let's fuel the tank up.

Father Germano, just one moment.

- What is it? - The curacy called.

They're sending the bishops to examine the statue of St. Thomas.

- Really? - Yes.

This is wonderful news.

Oh sure, but what's it mean?

We'll have official recognition from the Vatican.

At last the whole world will know

that our miracle is real.

I wanna die...

Wow!

- Boy,they did it. - They won.

Now somethings gotta come to our heads.

St. Thom as, I've never asked for anything.

But now...

I beg you.

Let one of your tears wet my eyes.

Give me my eyesight again.

Who's there?

I have to talk to you.

Adele called,

Vittorio wants to jump out the window.

- Vittorio? - Who's that?

What, who's that? Vittorio... c'mon, make it fast.

Go, Fulvio!

- I'm sorry... -Let's go!

- What happened? - Hurry!

Hadn't he left for India?

The conductors had a strike, he came home early, talk to him.

What are you thinking of doing?

- I want to die. - I don't understand.

You want to die now that St. Thomas has granted you grace?

The grace to be a cuckold! That baby's not mine,

I'm sterile.

I don't understand, whose child is it then?

The singer's.

The singer's... That singer?

- A beautiful voice. - Tell him.

You knew all along,

- you're a monster. - Monster?

Our sister goes with that singer, and I'm the monster? Who's that up there?

- I want to die! - Look at me, concentrate.

- You love your husband. Him! - No, Germano!

- I want to die! - Then jump! End your suffering.

- What? - The truth,

what you've never had the courage to say.

My truth will really hurt, you won't like it.

- Or mine either. - Let's say it?

- Yes, let's say it. - Let's say it.

Where are you going? Where are you going?

It's the day of reckoning, the moment of truth.

Fine.

The truth is I'm unhappy.

Done? That's it.

Good, you found the courage.

- Now it's your turn. -Mine?

Go.

Fulvio and Adele, you won't like what I'm about to say.

Remember when, returning from our vacation, we found the house flooded

and Dad had to pay thousands in damages to the guy below us?

- Dad was furious. - And so?

And he punished all three of us.

- What? - I didn't hear him.

He said it was his fault, he shouldn't have done it.

- Thanks. - No problem.

I flushed an entire platoon of toy soldiers down the toilet.

Soldiers down the toilet?

Yes. I wanted the Indians to attack

at Niagara Falls, I'm sorry!

Don't worry, that's okay.

He punished the three of us.

Germano, c'mon, it's okay.

Look... it's over.

- You forgive me? - Of course.

- I feel better. - Fulvio, now it's your turn.

You'll feel better too, little brother.

You won't get mad, right?

- No, like before. - The moment of truth.

- And Christian forgiveness. - Christian.

Remember the miracle of St. Thomas?

A great gift from the Lord.

Wonderful.

The miracle doesn't exist, I gave him fake tears.

Look, look, look, the fawn!

You... did a terrible thing.

You want to play down the soldiers? That was...

You're criminally insane! I'll kill you!

Let go of me!

Chiara, where are you going? They're gonna kill each other.

Anto'!

- What time is it? - It's o'clock.

- What's happening? - Nothing.

Then why did you wake me up?

What time is it?

It's still 6 o'clock. I want to give you a letter,

read it to Chiara. Understand? I'll leave it here.

And I'll leave you my ball.

That's your ball, not mine, what do I do with it?

It might come in handy. I'm leaving, say goodbye to the kids.

Come back soon.

Fulvio wrote this.

"Like a hayseed Cristopher Columbus..."

What's a hayseed?

Like what cows eat, food for birds,

even cakes for bunnies.

No, hayseed Cristopher Columbus.

No, you can't eat him.

But now I'm really hungry.

Keep reading.

"Like a hayseed Cristopher Columbus, I made landfall in you

with my three caravels: mind, heart and soul.

And I saw in you unexplored lands.

But especially the most precious of treasures,

your priceless wealth, the desire to dream...

Thank you, come here.

LOWER CITADEL TWO DAYS TILL THE CARDINALS ARRIVE

C'mon, it's late, let's go eat.

Father Callisto, what a pleasure...

Callisto, Father Germano... l called you today.

Come, let's stroll.

Let's stroll, but I called you because you're my mentor.

It's been a while since we talked, but...

- His hearing aid's off. - I saw he was a little...

Excuse me... Father Callisto...

Listen, I've come to you because...

I'm experiencing a deep crisis.

- What arises? - What arises? Nothing.

No, Father Callisto, I...

It's the volume, turn it to maximum.

Excuse me...

Testing, one, two...

Testing. Father Callisto,

I'm stained with a grave sin.

- What gin? - Not gin. Sin.

I'd come 50 kilometers

to say I'm stained with gin?

It's his batteries.

Let's change these batteries. Either we change the batteries

or Father Callisto, where is he?

Where are you going? Where are you going? Go, go...

The miracle of St. Thomas is over.

Unfortunately, those tears were fake. We were the victims of a hoax

that must stop now.

We were convinced we'd had a miracle.

But there was a miracle!

The bank gave me a loan for the first time.

If the pilgrims stop coming to my cafe, how can I pay?

- He's right. - I got a miracle too.

My fruit store is always crowded now.

Miracles are divine gifts, we don't choose them.

It's the Lord who gives us light.

Then let me pay this bill.

Even if there was no miracle,

for us there was.

- Right or not? - Right.

You don't realize.

If the bishops come, they'll discover it's all fake.

- But a walloping's real. - You want to strike your priest?

Shut up, or you'll get it too.

Then it's your choice.

Our choice, brothers and sisters, let's all rebel.

My brothers, calm down.

Father Germano, Father Germano, do not touch St. Thomas.

Stop!

What are you doing? It was me who was wrong,

my brother was no part.

I apologize again. But, please, listen to me.

Will you pay my debts?

- And mine? - And the whole town's.

No, but I got an idea.

If the bishops want a miracle, they'll get one.

But this time we organize it right.

- Franco, are you with me? - Yes, I'm with you.

- Figaro,are youwith me? - I'm with you.

And you, Germano, are you with me?

- Are you all with me? - Yes!

-See? - I saw that

- See? - I felt that.

You talked to her?

- What did Chiara say? - I think you disgust her.

- She doesn't want you. - But she said something...

- What? - She said you're the king of ca...

- Cavaliers? - That you're the king of ca...

- Caresses? - Of canards!

- What's that mean? -The king of rubbish.

- Antonio, help me out. - She did say something good.

Why

- That you're half nuts. - That's good?

That you're not totally nuts.

She gave you a discount.

Go away.

Liar

Chiara, c'm on, open the door, don't...

I'm out here apologizing, what more can I do?

Try to think of the things I've done that are...

For example I can now recognize scents, fragrances.

I know plants.

I know birches, horse chestnuts.

My nose is full of scents.

If I sneeze, out comes a botanic garden.

C'mon,

plants and I are one and the same. Yesterday

I went to the beach but I didn't tan,

I photosynthesized.

You who like to prune... I'll say this.

Cut it out.

I swear it on geraniums,

you know they're hardly appreciated.

I'm a geranium fan. Whoever hurts a geranium is my arch-enemy...

C'm on, open the door.

AUDITIONS "lT TAKES A MIRACLE"

- I have a vast repertoire of miracles. - For example?

My biggest hit isthe regrowth of my hand.

My hand's not there.

St. Thomas...

My hand's there!

Miracle. Miracle.

- What kind of miracle... - Miracle.

I will walk on water.

Ottavia, empty the pail.

They're almost here! They're almost here!

- Do I inform those cured miraculously? - Good.

- I don't understand. - Good.

This town suffered so much

and then prayer after prayer, came the miracle.

As they say in Latin, gutta cavat lapidem.

Right, not dumb!

You almost ran me down.

You're lucky I can't walk.

But if St. Thomas gave me the strength!

I...

I can walk! I can walk!

That's true, you can walk.

- So, you can see me? - I can see.

- You, a blind man, can see? -And you, paralytic, can walk?

Stop shouting, you're deafening me.

Really?

- Giovanni... - The deaf man...

- Can hear? - Oh, my Lord, I can hear.

You can see, and you can walk.

Miracle!

Your Eminence, I can walk, Your Eminence, I can walk.

- It's over. - I imagine you're moved.

-It made no effect. - In fact.

Please.

Here we are, this is our little church.

It's a -aisle structure, typical of the th century...

How nice, what an intimate atmosphere.

I'm curious to see the statue of St. Thomas.

- Where's the statue? - It's there.

Father Evandro, follow me.

The only solution is Plan B.

- There's a Plan B? - Stall for time.

More?

Gentlemen, how about a look at this altarpiece?

Let's summarize.

We come in, we threaten them with fake guns and steal the statue.

The priests have to see the theft with their own eyes, 0k?

- No statue, no check. - Put your stockings on.

- What stockings did you get? - My grandmother's.

- It's support hose. - She has varicose veins.

Holy Virgin Mary!

- Stop right there! - Hands up!

This is a heist. I'll kill you like dogs.

- What do they want? - The statue.

You, get down, come on.

Stand with them, come forward. Your papers, please.

Is this a road block? It's a heist!

Stop! One, Mo, three, red light!

Don't move, midget.

You, get the pretty statue.

Why do I always get the heavy work? Have him go.

- Are you nuts? I have arthritis. - I don't care.

Stop, red light!

And you, Little Red Riding Hood, take a step back.

- Don't worry, it's all organized. - Plan B?

- The test tube. - Give us the test tube.

Never. Over my dead body.

Stop right there!

- Plan C? - No.

- This heist is a hoax. - These men are not thieves.

- Who are they? - Who are they? Oh, yeah.

He's a barber. He's a policeman.

And he's an illegal salesman.

Not illegal. Differently authorized.

Your Eminence, this miracle is fake.

- It's over. - My task is to investigate.

And we will.

Now.

Let's grab it!

- Let me through! - Stop that boy!

This way.

Stop!

Stop!

- No, please. - We'll give to the examiner.

You were good to get that statue.

Take your test tube, we have the statue. Go!

- No brakes, how can that be? - What?

- That's our statue. - St. Thomas is beautiful.

- Oh, God! - No brakes!

St. Thomas worked a miracle!

That's the miracle of St. Thomas.

Excuse me.

It takes the touch.

Now you recognize fragrances.

That's wheat.

This is you.

Now I feel.

- I feel that I love you. - I see.

I see that I love you.