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Dear Sir,
4
00:00:22,214 --> 00:00:23,649
This is the most
difficult letter
5
00:00:23,682 --> 00:00:25,317
I've ever had to write.
6
00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:28,553
However, I must be
true to the dictates
of my own conscience.
7
00:00:28,587 --> 00:00:29,255
When I decided to become
a Marine at 34 years of age,
8
00:00:31,424 --> 00:00:32,558
I was an easy sell.
9
00:00:32,592 --> 00:00:34,661
The young Marine
who greeted me
10
00:00:34,694 --> 00:00:36,663
insisted on going through
the sales pitch anyway,
11
00:00:36,696 --> 00:00:37,330
so I consented to oblige.
12
00:00:40,033 --> 00:00:42,169
I was disappointed
when he showed me a list
13
00:00:42,202 --> 00:00:44,605
of common reasons
for wanting to join
the Marine Corps,
14
00:00:44,638 --> 00:00:45,439
and found that
the list did not include
15
00:00:46,507 --> 00:00:48,742
many of the reasons
I had for joining.
16
00:00:48,776 --> 00:00:51,178
Here are the reasons
I gave.
17
00:00:51,211 --> 00:00:52,613
They're more important
to me today
18
00:00:52,646 --> 00:00:53,513
than when I first walked
into that office.
19
00:00:54,682 --> 00:00:56,383
Number 1,
20
00:00:56,417 --> 00:00:57,518
to support and defend
21
00:00:57,551 --> 00:00:59,019
the constitution
of the United States
22
00:00:59,053 --> 00:01:01,588
against all enemies
foreign and domestic.
23
00:01:02,289 --> 00:01:03,590
Number 2,
24
00:01:03,624 --> 00:01:06,294
to defend
defenseless people.
25
00:01:06,328 --> 00:01:07,595
Number 3,
26
00:01:07,629 --> 00:01:09,664
to promote and preserve
peace on Earth.
27
00:01:10,865 --> 00:01:12,267
Number 4,
28
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:14,636
love of country.
29
00:01:14,669 --> 00:01:17,472
There are others,
but those are
the ones that,
30
00:01:17,505 --> 00:01:17,739
when the going
got tough in boot camp,
31
00:01:19,442 --> 00:01:21,110
or later on in Iraq,
32
00:01:21,143 --> 00:01:24,246
are to remind myself of
and continue on.
33
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,848
That may sound idealistic
34
00:01:26,148 --> 00:01:28,884
and naively patriotic
to some,
35
00:01:28,918 --> 00:01:31,053
but I was raised
in a time and place,
36
00:01:31,087 --> 00:01:33,155
Alabama in the '60s
and '70s,
37
00:01:33,189 --> 00:01:33,956
when the pursuit of liberty
and justice for all
38
00:01:35,825 --> 00:01:38,627
was everywhere present
and apparent.
39
00:01:38,661 --> 00:01:40,296
Plus, I was blessed
to be raised
40
00:01:40,329 --> 00:01:41,964
by parents who taught me
the importance
41
00:01:41,998 --> 00:01:42,031
of standing up for
what you believe in,
42
00:01:43,967 --> 00:01:46,403
and that the love of God
and country are essential.
43
00:01:47,838 --> 00:01:49,673
I do love my country--
44
00:01:49,706 --> 00:01:50,140
more than I can say,
45
00:01:50,874 --> 00:01:53,043
more than I will say.
46
00:01:53,076 --> 00:01:55,380
It breaks my heart
to know that, to be true
47
00:01:55,413 --> 00:01:58,182
to the reasons I joined
the Marine Corps
in the first place,
48
00:01:58,216 --> 00:01:58,249
I must now leave
the military.
49
00:02:01,519 --> 00:02:03,221
I'm a homosexual.
50
00:02:03,254 --> 00:02:05,390
"Don't ask, don't tell"
51
00:02:05,423 --> 00:02:06,356
simply doesn't work
for me anymore.
52
00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:17,835
Make that out first?
Yes.
53
00:02:17,869 --> 00:02:18,836
Is, uh--
54
00:02:18,870 --> 00:02:21,373
Yeah.
That's nice.
55
00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:22,574
Yes?
Yes.
56
00:02:23,442 --> 00:02:25,177
Okay.
57
00:02:25,210 --> 00:02:26,211
Got it?
Ready?
58
00:02:26,245 --> 00:02:27,246
Ready.
Let's go.
59
00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:28,680
The contrition
of a hungry child
60
00:02:28,714 --> 00:02:30,349
is something
I do not want...
61
00:02:30,382 --> 00:02:30,682
or need.
62
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:34,654
Tomorrow night
at 8:00 is probably
63
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,423
the most important show
I've ever done.
64
00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:38,792
You know, my parents
will be together here
and watching it,
65
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:43,095
and my brother
and his fiancée
will be here.
66
00:02:43,128 --> 00:02:45,765
This will be the first time
Dad's seen it.
67
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:46,900
I'm not down here
to change their politics
68
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,170
or change their religion
or any of that,
69
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:52,539
but, when I leave
this town,
70
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:55,008
they'll know, um,
71
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:57,878
that you don't have
to be a Republican
to be patriotic,
72
00:02:57,912 --> 00:03:00,481
and you don't have to be
a Baptist to love God.
73
00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:17,999
[knock on door]
74
00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:19,034
[Man]
Jeff?
Yes.
75
00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:19,301
We are at half hour,
please, sir.
76
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,270
Thank you.
Half hour.
77
00:03:24,906 --> 00:03:26,141
Hi!
[Man]
Hi.
78
00:03:37,053 --> 00:03:38,721
[phone rings]
79
00:03:42,291 --> 00:03:43,526
Hello.
[Woman on phone]
Are you watching TV?
80
00:03:45,261 --> 00:03:47,931
No, Mom. I'm sleeping.
81
00:03:47,965 --> 00:03:49,633
Maybe you should be.
82
00:03:49,666 --> 00:03:51,602
We going to war?
83
00:03:51,768 --> 00:03:53,637
You may be, sweetheart.
84
00:03:53,670 --> 00:03:54,771
I'll call you back.
85
00:03:54,805 --> 00:03:57,140
11 September, 2001.
86
00:03:57,173 --> 00:03:58,842
It was my Mom
87
00:03:58,876 --> 00:03:59,710
who called to to tell me
about the terrorist attacks
88
00:04:01,745 --> 00:04:03,780
from the classroom where
she taught social science
89
00:04:03,814 --> 00:04:06,817
to eighth graders
back home in Alabama.
90
00:04:06,850 --> 00:04:07,784
You know, your mom's voice
does something to you
91
00:04:09,019 --> 00:04:11,022
that no other sound
on Earth can do.
92
00:04:11,055 --> 00:04:13,291
I know that woman so well,
93
00:04:13,324 --> 00:04:15,860
I could tell just
by the way she ignored
my initial irritation
94
00:04:16,194 --> 00:04:18,296
that there was
something big going on.
95
00:04:18,329 --> 00:04:20,698
In--In the exchange
of just a few syllables,
96
00:04:20,732 --> 00:04:23,802
I could feel her concern
for me, her baby.
97
00:04:23,836 --> 00:04:23,936
[chuckles]
98
00:04:24,870 --> 00:04:27,106
And, at the same time,
her checking
99
00:04:27,139 --> 00:04:29,208
to make sure that I,
the Marine,
100
00:04:29,241 --> 00:04:30,676
would protect her.
101
00:04:40,219 --> 00:04:42,721
[Woman]
I've always
been proud of Jeff.
102
00:04:42,755 --> 00:04:44,990
I've always
been proud of Jeff.
103
00:04:45,024 --> 00:04:47,626
I was only 19
when he was born,
104
00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:48,228
and so we...
105
00:04:50,864 --> 00:04:52,465
did a lot
of things together.
106
00:04:52,499 --> 00:04:55,168
He uses the phrase,
"We grew up together."
107
00:04:55,202 --> 00:04:56,336
Jeff came along
in our life,
108
00:04:57,270 --> 00:04:58,905
and was a great blessing.
109
00:04:58,939 --> 00:05:01,008
And I just told--
I was overjoyed
110
00:05:01,042 --> 00:05:03,811
with the little rascal,
which always pleased me,
111
00:05:03,844 --> 00:05:04,445
and he was such a delight.
112
00:05:06,047 --> 00:05:09,016
And he was just
an amazing young--
young boy.
113
00:05:10,951 --> 00:05:12,352
I even prayed to God,
114
00:05:12,385 --> 00:05:12,553
and this was
a selfish prayer,
115
00:05:14,121 --> 00:05:15,556
and maybe I shouldn't,
116
00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:19,126
but, you know,
I asked God to bless us
with a little preacher.
117
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,661
And I remember calling
the radio station
in Jasper, WWWB,
118
00:05:24,031 --> 00:05:26,935
and telling them
we had a little preacher
born last night.
119
00:05:26,969 --> 00:05:28,770
I grew up, um--
120
00:05:29,504 --> 00:05:31,006
It wasn't really
much of a town.
121
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,375
It was kind of a stop
on the railroad tracks,
122
00:05:33,408 --> 00:05:36,211
ca-called, if you
can believe it, uh,
America Junction.
123
00:05:37,914 --> 00:05:39,449
And we never locked
our doors.
124
00:05:39,482 --> 00:05:43,553
Everybody sort of
looked out after
each other's kids.
125
00:05:43,586 --> 00:05:44,954
And my family was there
on the hill with us.
126
00:05:45,655 --> 00:05:46,922
My grandmother
was on one side.
127
00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:48,590
My uncle and his wife
and sons
128
00:05:48,624 --> 00:05:50,026
were on the other side.
129
00:05:51,761 --> 00:05:53,029
It was a great place
to grow up, really.
130
00:05:53,930 --> 00:05:56,666
There was a little church
called Hatt Church of Christ
131
00:05:56,699 --> 00:05:58,101
where we went.
132
00:05:58,134 --> 00:06:00,003
I really loved going there.
133
00:06:00,036 --> 00:06:01,104
It, um...
134
00:06:02,039 --> 00:06:04,642
I liked the way
the church smelled
when you walked in,
135
00:06:04,675 --> 00:06:05,776
and so many people
136
00:06:05,809 --> 00:06:07,978
there were people
who I loved,
137
00:06:08,012 --> 00:06:09,213
and were great people.
138
00:06:10,547 --> 00:06:13,317
So this was
the old church...
139
00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:14,386
right here.
140
00:06:14,419 --> 00:06:16,421
You see how this section--
141
00:06:16,454 --> 00:06:17,289
I mean, it looks
like an old church.
142
00:06:18,857 --> 00:06:21,559
My parents were married
right inside there.
143
00:06:22,660 --> 00:06:24,695
In each one
of those classrooms--
144
00:06:24,728 --> 00:06:25,396
Right there,
that middle one's
where I taught,
145
00:06:26,698 --> 00:06:29,701
when I was a teenager,
and I taught the 2-
and 3-year-olds.
146
00:06:33,538 --> 00:06:34,673
Man...
147
00:06:35,907 --> 00:06:38,576
So, this is the house
where I grew up.
148
00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:40,279
[chuckles]
149
00:06:40,313 --> 00:06:41,547
That was my bedroom
on the front.
150
00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:45,384
That's the porch swing
151
00:06:45,418 --> 00:06:48,688
where Mama and I would sit
for every understorm.
152
00:06:50,423 --> 00:06:51,825
When I was a little kid,
153
00:06:51,858 --> 00:06:55,662
one of things I'd do
when I was out playing was,
154
00:06:55,696 --> 00:06:57,731
I would take
the hymnal and the Bible
155
00:06:58,865 --> 00:07:01,167
in, uh, the woods
behind our house.
156
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:05,839
I'd go out and sing
from the hymnal, and preach.
157
00:07:06,239 --> 00:07:08,842
I think about it
as the place where
I first, like,
158
00:07:08,875 --> 00:07:12,179
had conscious
contact with God.
159
00:07:13,914 --> 00:07:13,947
When I was in Iraq,
or wherever I go,
160
00:07:16,084 --> 00:07:17,218
I just picture myself
161
00:07:17,251 --> 00:07:19,120
walking that little hill
right there.
162
00:07:21,956 --> 00:07:22,056
And that way
I'm gonna be all right.
163
00:07:29,298 --> 00:07:30,165
Nothing was more important
than service to God,
164
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:34,570
but it was running
a close second
165
00:07:34,603 --> 00:07:36,771
about how very
important it is
166
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:38,239
to be part of the best
nation on Earth,
167
00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:40,007
and what we have here,
168
00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:42,478
and what responsibility
goes with that.
169
00:07:42,511 --> 00:07:44,913
I mean, we would never
put a bite of food
170
00:07:44,947 --> 00:07:46,348
in our mouth before
praying over it.
171
00:07:47,116 --> 00:07:48,751
And when Dad did,
that's what they--
172
00:07:48,784 --> 00:07:50,419
I mean, they would say,
you know,
173
00:07:50,452 --> 00:07:52,554
"For those fighting
on foreign soil."
174
00:07:55,358 --> 00:07:56,993
When I was in
the Cub Scouts
175
00:07:57,026 --> 00:07:58,161
and I carried the flag,
176
00:07:58,194 --> 00:07:59,596
it was right down
this street.
177
00:07:59,629 --> 00:08:01,498
Man, they would--
178
00:08:01,531 --> 00:08:02,532
you know the people would
just line these streets.
179
00:08:03,767 --> 00:08:07,371
[Judy]
I was the den mother
for the Cub Scouts.
180
00:08:07,405 --> 00:08:10,441
We had the Cub Scout
flag to carry,
181
00:08:10,474 --> 00:08:10,641
and then the
United States flag.
182
00:08:13,209 --> 00:08:15,078
And, of course,
being the mother,
183
00:08:15,111 --> 00:08:16,780
I really wanted Jeff
to carry it,
184
00:08:16,813 --> 00:08:18,749
but I wasn't gonna
be unfair to any
of the others,
185
00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:23,254
so I put all their names
in a coffee can,
shook them up,
186
00:08:23,287 --> 00:08:26,257
and pulled it out,
and Jeff was the one
that I drew.
187
00:08:27,625 --> 00:08:30,462
[Jeff]
Man, I was so proud
to carry that flag
188
00:08:30,495 --> 00:08:32,164
down the streets
in Parrish.
189
00:08:33,732 --> 00:08:34,933
[Man]
Scripturally,
from the Bible,
190
00:08:35,367 --> 00:08:40,138
the loyalty to country
is a part of Revelation.
191
00:08:40,172 --> 00:08:41,807
And so, uh,
in the South,
192
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,042
uh, people take,
you know,
193
00:08:43,342 --> 00:08:46,712
their--their faith
and their loyalty
to their country
194
00:08:46,746 --> 00:08:47,947
very seriously.
195
00:08:47,980 --> 00:08:50,148
Parrish was the kind
of place to grow up--
196
00:08:50,182 --> 00:08:51,116
It was, you know,
a small town.
197
00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:56,889
You know, in school with
the same 40 or 50 kids
all the way through
198
00:08:56,923 --> 00:08:59,225
from first grade
to twelfth grade.
199
00:08:59,659 --> 00:09:02,762
And everybody
knew everybody.
200
00:09:02,795 --> 00:09:05,631
Jeff caught a lot
of criticism
201
00:09:05,665 --> 00:09:07,301
from people in school
that, you know,
202
00:09:07,701 --> 00:09:09,203
called him names,
called him sissy,
203
00:09:09,236 --> 00:09:12,239
called him different things,
because he was more creative,
204
00:09:12,272 --> 00:09:15,409
and, you know, he,
you know, he didn't
exactly fit
205
00:09:15,709 --> 00:09:17,177
the mold that all the--
206
00:09:17,211 --> 00:09:19,113
You know, there was
no football, no sports.
207
00:09:19,147 --> 00:09:21,983
You know, and us being
in the band, that was a big--
208
00:09:22,016 --> 00:09:23,418
for us, it was, you know,
209
00:09:23,451 --> 00:09:23,518
brought in question
of--of your--
210
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:26,887
You know, people thought--
211
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,256
It wasn't always thought
so highly of as being, like,
212
00:09:29,289 --> 00:09:31,191
the masculine thing
to be in the band.
213
00:09:32,694 --> 00:09:34,729
When church
is such a issue,
214
00:09:34,762 --> 00:09:37,398
and God loving you
is such an issue
215
00:09:37,432 --> 00:09:38,733
for you growing up,
216
00:09:38,766 --> 00:09:39,734
when all that
your whole life
is a conflict,
217
00:09:41,536 --> 00:09:43,171
you know,
it's a very big thing.
218
00:09:43,204 --> 00:09:44,640
It's a great burden.
219
00:09:44,673 --> 00:09:47,810
I knew that there was
something different
about me.
220
00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:50,679
And, I don't know,
just from growing up
around Jeff,
221
00:09:50,713 --> 00:09:52,948
and wondering if any
of that sensitivity
222
00:09:52,982 --> 00:09:54,850
might be a clue
of any kind,
223
00:09:54,884 --> 00:09:55,885
kind of sought him out.
224
00:09:56,586 --> 00:09:58,388
And I came out to him
225
00:09:58,421 --> 00:10:01,224
one time sitting out
by his pool.
226
00:10:01,258 --> 00:10:02,892
And that's how
we came to know
227
00:10:02,925 --> 00:10:03,959
that each of us was gay.
228
00:10:04,727 --> 00:10:06,228
That's
the field house there.
229
00:10:06,262 --> 00:10:09,533
And when I was still--
You know I was, like,
10 years old,
230
00:10:09,566 --> 00:10:11,868
and I caught
a glimpse of this guy
231
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:12,035
who was, like, butt naked,
about to get in the shower...
232
00:10:16,573 --> 00:10:18,642
and my heart nearly stopped.
233
00:10:18,675 --> 00:10:20,143
And I thought
he was so beautiful.
234
00:10:23,648 --> 00:10:26,651
Then I knew, you know,
that wasn't what it was
supposed to be.
235
00:10:26,684 --> 00:10:28,252
I wasn't supposed to,
you know, think that was
as cool as I did.
236
00:10:30,054 --> 00:10:31,155
I guess, on some level,
237
00:10:31,188 --> 00:10:32,957
I was trying
to beat it down.
238
00:10:32,990 --> 00:10:34,493
As an early teenager,
239
00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:36,361
you know, it was
so horrifying to me
240
00:10:36,562 --> 00:10:37,963
that I might be that thing
241
00:10:37,996 --> 00:10:39,330
that everybody
so clearly hates,
242
00:10:39,363 --> 00:10:43,401
that I prayed to God,
"Please don't let this be."
243
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:44,468
You know, if--You know,
"Take this from me,
244
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,106
"and make me into,"
you know,
245
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:49,508
"somebody who likes girls
246
00:10:49,541 --> 00:10:51,443
in the way I'm supposed
to like them."
247
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:52,578
And, you know, I might
as well have been a,
you know,
248
00:10:54,346 --> 00:10:56,181
a black person
praying to be white.
249
00:10:56,214 --> 00:11:00,687
He came from school,
250
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,989
and he came in,
251
00:11:03,022 --> 00:11:08,595
and his dad and he
and I were sitting
in the living room,
252
00:11:08,628 --> 00:11:08,761
and...
253
00:11:10,831 --> 00:11:13,067
he just said,
"I'm gay."
254
00:11:15,169 --> 00:11:16,836
And, for what
I remember,
255
00:11:19,272 --> 00:11:24,044
we both just kind of
looked at him and...
256
00:11:24,078 --> 00:11:24,912
well,
he had put in words
what we thought.
257
00:11:29,083 --> 00:11:30,718
I think I had
probably read some
258
00:11:30,751 --> 00:11:32,987
"how to tell your parents
you're a fag" little flyer.
259
00:11:34,923 --> 00:11:38,526
And I sat between them
and held their hands,
and--and said,
260
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:41,062
"You know, there's something
that you need to know
about your son."
261
00:11:41,596 --> 00:11:44,232
And--And I told them.
262
00:11:44,265 --> 00:11:47,002
I haven't understood that.
Still don't.
263
00:11:47,035 --> 00:11:49,171
That's still major
in my mind.
264
00:11:51,107 --> 00:11:52,907
He's, uh...
265
00:11:52,941 --> 00:11:54,943
There's something
apparently that's there,
266
00:11:54,976 --> 00:11:57,245
and I'm trying to pick up
from TV and books and all
267
00:11:59,247 --> 00:12:00,916
about that situation.
268
00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:04,286
And--And, uh, I have some
strong convictions about it.
269
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:05,287
It really, uh--
270
00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:12,496
is the way God
intended for it to be.
271
00:12:12,529 --> 00:12:13,397
If God intended
for it to be that way,
it ought to be that way.
272
00:12:16,133 --> 00:12:19,836
When I learned that Jeff,
uh, became gay,
273
00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:21,471
or at least Jeff openly
talked about being gay,
274
00:12:23,373 --> 00:12:26,944
uh, it concerned me
to the--
275
00:12:26,978 --> 00:12:29,546
to the extent that--
And I felt that
it was wrong,
276
00:12:29,613 --> 00:12:31,682
that it--
that lifestyle is,
277
00:12:31,715 --> 00:12:33,350
you know, contrary
to what God teaches.
278
00:12:33,383 --> 00:12:37,055
And, in my view,
it puts his soul
in jeopardy.
279
00:12:37,088 --> 00:12:37,622
And, uh, because
I love Jeff,
280
00:12:40,024 --> 00:12:41,959
I, uh--I'm concerned
about that,
281
00:12:41,993 --> 00:12:43,695
and I pray about that
for him.
282
00:12:43,728 --> 00:12:45,730
[Jeff]
Night, with ebon pinion
283
00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:48,633
Brooded o'er the vale
284
00:12:48,666 --> 00:12:50,636
All around was silent
285
00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:53,238
Save the night winds'
wail
286
00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:53,839
Those songs are seared
in my mind forever.
287
00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:01,414
When Christ,
the man of sorrows
288
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:01,948
With tears and sweat
as blood
289
00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:08,287
Prostrate in the garden
290
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,055
Raised his voice to God
291
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,164
I got my degree in theater,
292
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,501
and I came to California,
293
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:24,337
came to Hollywood
to be with the other freaks.
294
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:26,273
Me and this boy
from Mississippi,
Sonny, ended up
295
00:13:28,676 --> 00:13:30,544
in a little guest house
in North Hollywood.
296
00:13:30,578 --> 00:13:33,781
And we actually chose it
'cause there were goats
and chickens in the yard.
297
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:34,348
You know, it kind of--
I guess it was a little homey.
298
00:13:36,217 --> 00:13:38,353
When he said
he was going
to California,
299
00:13:38,386 --> 00:13:40,689
that just seemed
the natural step,
300
00:13:40,722 --> 00:13:41,689
you know, the next--
301
00:13:41,722 --> 00:13:42,423
the next step
in his life.
302
00:13:43,491 --> 00:13:44,725
That's
where he should be.
303
00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:46,660
[Smooch]
It was the dream he had had
304
00:13:46,694 --> 00:13:48,095
most all of his life.
305
00:13:48,129 --> 00:13:50,499
I thought it was
time for him to try it,
306
00:13:50,632 --> 00:13:52,134
and I was all for it.
307
00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:54,236
[Jeff]
Being gay in a place
like Los Angeles
308
00:13:54,269 --> 00:13:56,071
is obviously different
than it was in Alabama.
309
00:13:56,104 --> 00:13:57,973
People are celebrated here
310
00:13:58,006 --> 00:13:58,573
for the things
that, you know,
311
00:13:59,808 --> 00:14:03,579
we're ridiculed for
back in the normal
real world.
312
00:14:03,613 --> 00:14:06,115
Jeff rolled into town,
313
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:06,649
and he came
straight to brunch.
314
00:14:08,017 --> 00:14:10,386
And the guy that
he was gonna be
living with...
315
00:14:10,419 --> 00:14:11,854
was sitting next to me.
316
00:14:11,888 --> 00:14:13,923
And, um, Jeff popped
into the restaurant,
317
00:14:13,956 --> 00:14:14,724
just literally, like,
blew in and popped in.
318
00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:19,462
And he sat down
right in front of me
across the table.
319
00:14:19,495 --> 00:14:20,863
And that's how I met him.
320
00:14:20,897 --> 00:14:22,799
And, um, he was just
so full of light and energy,
321
00:14:23,332 --> 00:14:25,868
and he was so skinny.
[chuckles]
322
00:14:25,902 --> 00:14:28,071
He was so thin and happy,
323
00:14:28,105 --> 00:14:29,773
and, um,
he was like a boy.
324
00:14:29,807 --> 00:14:30,908
There's a guy tapping me
on the shoulder.
325
00:14:31,375 --> 00:14:32,709
I turned around,
and there was Jeff.
326
00:14:32,743 --> 00:14:35,179
You know, so I'm,
like, looking up at him,
327
00:14:35,212 --> 00:14:37,080
and he said, uh...
328
00:14:37,114 --> 00:14:38,749
He says, uh,
"You don't know this,
329
00:14:38,782 --> 00:14:39,016
"but you're--
you're gonna be in my life.
330
00:14:40,685 --> 00:14:43,054
I want you in my life,"
or something like that.
331
00:14:43,087 --> 00:14:45,056
And I was, like,
"Uh, sure."
332
00:14:45,089 --> 00:14:46,591
He had beautiful blue eyes.
333
00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:47,058
I loved that accent.
He was intriguing.
334
00:14:48,293 --> 00:14:50,195
He reminded me
of some of the people
335
00:14:50,228 --> 00:14:52,131
that I'd known
when I was growing up.
336
00:14:52,164 --> 00:14:53,999
The kind of person
that would call up
and say,
337
00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:55,166
"I'm coming to pick you up.
We're going to the beach,"
338
00:14:56,134 --> 00:14:58,436
at 9:00 at night.
339
00:14:58,469 --> 00:14:59,504
And I love that.
340
00:15:01,773 --> 00:15:03,274
[Jeff]
My life was about, sort of,
reclaiming the things
341
00:15:04,476 --> 00:15:05,811
that I had not pursued,
342
00:15:05,845 --> 00:15:09,281
or, for whatever reasons,
had felt fear about doing.
343
00:15:10,683 --> 00:15:11,350
One of the things
that I had wanted to do
344
00:15:13,219 --> 00:15:15,054
was to serve
in the military.
345
00:15:15,087 --> 00:15:17,524
It was something
very noble to me.
346
00:15:17,557 --> 00:15:19,426
Probably being gay
had something to do with it.
347
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,596
You know, maybe
it's gonna make me
348
00:15:22,629 --> 00:15:24,497
into this man that
I'm supposed to be.
349
00:15:24,531 --> 00:15:26,800
I called them, and I said,
"What's the age cutoff?
350
00:15:26,833 --> 00:15:27,534
And they said, "28,"
and I was like--
351
00:15:30,171 --> 00:15:31,838
He goes, "Why?
How old are you?"
352
00:15:31,872 --> 00:15:33,273
And I said, "Well, I'm 34."
353
00:15:33,306 --> 00:15:34,708
He said,
"Well, come in anyway."
354
00:15:34,741 --> 00:15:35,609
I had to write this letter.
355
00:15:36,343 --> 00:15:37,978
I walked in there
with the intention
356
00:15:38,011 --> 00:15:39,846
I was going
to Marine Corps boot camp
357
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,281
if I had to, you know,
358
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:42,783
make up a new
birth certificate
359
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:43,718
to--to become 26 again.
360
00:15:45,219 --> 00:15:47,755
Now,
that did surprise me.
361
00:15:47,788 --> 00:15:51,025
If it had happened
10 years before,
it wouldn't.
362
00:15:51,058 --> 00:15:51,792
But at the point
in his life
where he was--
363
00:15:54,596 --> 00:15:57,366
And then I took
a step back,
364
00:15:57,399 --> 00:15:59,868
and I thought,
Well, yeah.
365
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:03,138
Because Jeff
has always done
the unexpected.
366
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:07,043
I started telling
my friends, and, um...
367
00:16:07,076 --> 00:16:07,977
I mean, different ones
reacted in different ways.
368
00:16:09,645 --> 00:16:11,680
You know, uh...
369
00:16:11,713 --> 00:16:13,715
Orlando comes to mind.
370
00:16:13,749 --> 00:16:15,183
There's so many
political thoughts
371
00:16:15,217 --> 00:16:16,051
that I have about that--
372
00:16:16,652 --> 00:16:17,753
about, you know, uh,
373
00:16:17,786 --> 00:16:20,056
if they don't want us,
hey, screw 'em.
374
00:16:20,089 --> 00:16:23,426
We don't have to go.
Great. One benefit,
you know?
375
00:16:23,459 --> 00:16:24,127
And, you know, I, uh...
376
00:16:26,129 --> 00:16:27,997
And I just thought,
Why?
377
00:16:28,031 --> 00:16:29,599
He needed
to explain it to me.
378
00:16:29,632 --> 00:16:31,802
And I finally said,
"Jeff, I'm not
so much worried
379
00:16:31,835 --> 00:16:32,202
"about an enemy
from a foreign shore.
380
00:16:33,337 --> 00:16:35,205
"I'm worried about
the guy in the next rack
381
00:16:35,239 --> 00:16:36,740
"who's gonna figure out
that you're gay
382
00:16:36,774 --> 00:16:40,244
"and catch you alone
and bash your head in.
383
00:16:40,277 --> 00:16:40,311
'Cause it's--It's--
It's an issue."
384
00:16:42,646 --> 00:16:45,683
And he said, "Well,
you know, I think I can
take care of myself.
385
00:16:45,716 --> 00:16:47,751
I don't think that's--
it's that big a deal."
386
00:16:50,888 --> 00:16:52,289
[Jeff]
The recruiters
had told me,
387
00:16:52,323 --> 00:16:53,657
"You know, because you're
an old fuck,
388
00:16:53,691 --> 00:16:56,394
"and because you're tall,
389
00:16:56,428 --> 00:16:56,461
"they're probably gonna try
to make you the guide.
390
00:16:59,130 --> 00:17:00,865
"But nobody gets to be
the guide all the way through,
391
00:17:00,899 --> 00:17:02,367
"so if you get fired,
don't, you know,
392
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,702
don't let it
get next to you."
393
00:17:03,735 --> 00:17:04,569
I was determined
I was not--
394
00:17:05,770 --> 00:17:07,272
I was not gonna get fired.
395
00:17:07,305 --> 00:17:09,542
I was--I wanted
to be the guide.
396
00:17:09,575 --> 00:17:11,711
Um, and so...
397
00:17:11,744 --> 00:17:12,645
when we got through receiving
and we were sent to our--
398
00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:17,683
our, uh, our platoon
that we would go through
boot camp with,
399
00:17:17,717 --> 00:17:20,287
um, they put me up front,
and I was the guide.
400
00:17:22,455 --> 00:17:24,357
For the first time
in a really long time,
401
00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:26,025
for all the hell it is,
402
00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:28,027
there wasn't an iota of me
403
00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:28,828
that was depressed
in any way.
404
00:17:29,795 --> 00:17:31,430
I think he was
about 32, 33.
405
00:17:31,464 --> 00:17:34,501
And when he told me,
I was, like, "Man,
what are you doing?"
406
00:17:34,534 --> 00:17:36,937
You know? "Why'd you join
the military now, man?
407
00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:39,539
Something you should
have done 10 years ago."
408
00:17:39,573 --> 00:17:42,109
And he said something
that has always stuck
with me.
409
00:17:42,142 --> 00:17:44,277
I mean, in--in, like,
other aspects of my life,
410
00:17:44,311 --> 00:17:45,013
I've remembered what he said.
411
00:17:45,513 --> 00:17:47,415
He said, "You know,
it's never too late
412
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:48,616
to do the right thing."
413
00:17:48,649 --> 00:17:50,151
That was a very
powerful statement.
414
00:17:50,184 --> 00:17:51,586
I was, like,
"Yeah, that's heavy."
415
00:17:51,619 --> 00:17:53,121
He was an awesome Marine,
because...
416
00:17:55,390 --> 00:17:58,192
the ideals of what
the Marine Corps
has taught us,
417
00:17:58,226 --> 00:17:59,694
um, he held true.
418
00:17:59,727 --> 00:18:01,195
And he would always
look out for us.
419
00:18:02,163 --> 00:18:03,598
It was just like
big brother
420
00:18:03,631 --> 00:18:05,199
making sure we're
all dressed up right.
421
00:18:05,233 --> 00:18:07,135
And he would be like,
"Look at you, Marine.
422
00:18:07,168 --> 00:18:08,469
Let me square you away
for a moment."
423
00:18:08,503 --> 00:18:09,304
And he would, like,
put us up in attention,
424
00:18:10,272 --> 00:18:12,474
and he'd, like, check us out,
and he'd look around,
425
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,309
and be like,
"Okay, you're good to go."
426
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,645
Platoon, atten-hut!
427
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:17,379
[Jeff]
Boot camp ends
with the crucible,
428
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,785
which is about a three-day
intensive of the things
429
00:18:21,818 --> 00:18:23,753
that you've learned
up to that point.
430
00:18:23,787 --> 00:18:25,488
You go, you know,
without sleep
and little food.
431
00:18:25,722 --> 00:18:28,324
I mean, you're real tired
and hungry at the end of it.
432
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,760
But you go up this, uh...
433
00:18:30,794 --> 00:18:33,463
this mountain
they call the Grim Reaper.
434
00:18:33,496 --> 00:18:33,563
And you're at the top,
and, uh--
435
00:18:37,167 --> 00:18:39,669
and they play
I'm Proud To Be an American,
436
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,504
do a flyover,
437
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:41,671
and the drill instructor
comes with a cigar box
438
00:18:46,343 --> 00:18:49,413
of eagle, globe, and anchors,
439
00:18:49,447 --> 00:18:49,780
uh, the symbol
of being a Marine.
440
00:18:51,182 --> 00:18:53,884
You know, it's not
on any of our uniform
or anything before.
441
00:18:55,252 --> 00:18:56,821
He shook my hand.
442
00:18:56,854 --> 00:18:57,888
He said,
"Congratulations, Marine."
443
00:18:58,924 --> 00:19:00,992
First time I'd ever
been called Marine.
444
00:19:01,026 --> 00:19:03,128
And, um, man...
445
00:19:03,161 --> 00:19:05,697
It's--It's a great moment.
446
00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:05,997
You know, only a few
proud people know what
that feels like.
447
00:19:09,901 --> 00:19:11,303
And, uh--
448
00:19:11,336 --> 00:19:14,072
I mean, it was one of the very,
very best moments of my life,
449
00:19:14,906 --> 00:19:19,010
because, instead of
taking it out of the box,
450
00:19:19,044 --> 00:19:21,680
he took it off of
his campaign cover,
451
00:19:21,713 --> 00:19:22,180
and he gave me his eagle,
globe, and anchor.
452
00:19:26,853 --> 00:19:30,289
Somewhere, when I'm 8
years old and I missed
the baseball,
453
00:19:30,389 --> 00:19:32,825
and it, on some level
registered,
454
00:19:32,859 --> 00:19:35,461
"Oh, my God, I did that
because I'm a little sissy,"
455
00:19:35,495 --> 00:19:38,132
and when I became
a Marine,
456
00:19:38,165 --> 00:19:38,365
I got what I had wanted.
457
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,336
You know, I mean,
I got what I wanted.
458
00:19:42,369 --> 00:19:45,372
I got to be in the biggest,
baddest boys' club in the world.
459
00:19:45,405 --> 00:19:46,440
Jeff, in the Marine Corps,
460
00:19:48,108 --> 00:19:51,612
ended up being
the person that I--
461
00:19:51,645 --> 00:19:53,580
you know, I thought
that he would be.
462
00:19:53,614 --> 00:19:54,515
Oh, I was so proud.
463
00:19:55,149 --> 00:19:58,118
I went to, uh--
went by myself
to his
464
00:19:58,152 --> 00:20:01,289
Marine Corps
graduation.
465
00:20:01,322 --> 00:20:02,624
He carried the flag
that day.
466
00:20:03,758 --> 00:20:05,393
He carried the flag.
467
00:20:05,426 --> 00:20:07,729
That's--Yeah,
I remember that.
468
00:20:07,762 --> 00:20:10,698
Although the flag...
469
00:20:11,599 --> 00:20:14,136
that was on the staff,
the United States flag,
470
00:20:14,170 --> 00:20:16,005
was at half-staff,
471
00:20:16,038 --> 00:20:18,807
because that's
when U.S.S. Cole
had been attacked.
472
00:20:20,843 --> 00:20:25,047
And that was something
to think about, too,
473
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,916
because it was
"What are our children
facing now?"
474
00:20:41,298 --> 00:20:42,966
All of a sudden, it just went
475
00:20:42,999 --> 00:20:43,099
like those
little Matchbox toys
476
00:20:44,234 --> 00:20:45,435
when you're a little kid.
477
00:20:45,468 --> 00:20:47,637
It just went poof,
and the smoke went up.
478
00:20:47,671 --> 00:20:49,574
We heard, like, a crack,
479
00:20:49,607 --> 00:20:51,175
and then the building
just slid off diagonally.
480
00:20:52,343 --> 00:20:54,946
Coming from
the World Trade Center,
it was just, like, chaos.
481
00:20:54,979 --> 00:20:57,348
You saw people just
pouring down the street.
482
00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:59,250
And, obviously, a lot
of sirens and ambulances
going the other direction.
483
00:21:00,818 --> 00:21:03,221
[siren wailing]
484
00:21:03,254 --> 00:21:04,956
[Jeff]
Am I going to war?
485
00:21:07,124 --> 00:21:07,358
[Judy]
You may be, sweetheart.
486
00:21:10,995 --> 00:21:13,197
9/11...
[sigh]
487
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:15,200
was a school day.
488
00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:15,467
I had gone to
the teachers' work room
489
00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:19,504
to go and get caught up
on some things,
490
00:21:19,538 --> 00:21:22,374
and, in passing by
the office,
491
00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:23,542
I noticed
that the secretary
492
00:21:25,677 --> 00:21:28,815
and--and some others
were...
493
00:21:28,848 --> 00:21:31,150
kind of gathering around
the TV monitor in there.
494
00:21:31,184 --> 00:21:31,651
And they were showing
the video
495
00:21:34,687 --> 00:21:37,889
of the planes
hitting the towers.
496
00:21:37,923 --> 00:21:39,726
I just took
a few deep breaths,
497
00:21:40,159 --> 00:21:42,795
and I walked
down the hall.
498
00:21:42,829 --> 00:21:45,298
But I thought,
499
00:21:45,331 --> 00:21:47,834
I've got to talk
to Jeff first.
500
00:21:48,034 --> 00:21:51,405
[Jeff]
I really thought about
America as a place
501
00:21:51,438 --> 00:21:54,541
that most people around
the world really loved.
502
00:21:54,575 --> 00:21:55,909
You know, I felt
like I was part of
this beloved nation.
503
00:21:58,279 --> 00:22:01,348
And, uh--And to see
that somebody
hated us that much
504
00:22:01,382 --> 00:22:04,019
was, I mean,
was shocking to me.
505
00:22:06,688 --> 00:22:09,224
I must have sat there
for hours,
506
00:22:09,257 --> 00:22:12,027
transfixed by the TV,
507
00:22:12,060 --> 00:22:12,127
paralyzed by what emotion
I'm not really sure.
508
00:22:15,796 --> 00:22:18,967
As I watched the nation
I'm sworn to defend
under attack,
509
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,201
I knew that the events
that were unfolding
in front of me
510
00:22:21,870 --> 00:22:24,339
were going to affect me
in a big way.
511
00:22:24,372 --> 00:22:27,309
and that my life,
just as the lives
of millions of others,
512
00:22:27,342 --> 00:22:28,311
was changed forever.
513
00:22:29,679 --> 00:22:31,314
I knew I had
to do something.
514
00:22:31,347 --> 00:22:34,383
I just didn't
know at the time
what I'd be doing.
515
00:22:34,417 --> 00:22:36,419
So until I got that call
that I knew to expect,
516
00:22:37,620 --> 00:22:39,388
all I could do was wait.
517
00:22:41,892 --> 00:22:44,194
I went to New York,
518
00:22:44,227 --> 00:22:44,528
and I wore my dress blues
to the site,
519
00:22:46,596 --> 00:22:49,399
'cause I wanted
to be respectful.
520
00:22:49,433 --> 00:22:51,801
And I walk, you know,
walk into this sea of--
521
00:22:51,834 --> 00:22:52,601
like, they're all,
you know, dirty from
working on the site.
522
00:22:54,471 --> 00:22:56,840
And they look--
you know, whipped
around and looked at--
523
00:22:56,873 --> 00:22:58,275
"What's this Marine
doing in here?"
524
00:22:58,308 --> 00:23:00,410
But a lot of them
came over to me,
525
00:23:00,444 --> 00:23:00,677
and a lot of them
who were Marines,
526
00:23:02,346 --> 00:23:04,648
who went on to be
cops and firemen,
527
00:23:04,681 --> 00:23:06,951
you know, and, uh,
528
00:23:06,984 --> 00:23:08,753
and they pumped
my hand, you know,
529
00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:10,588
and, uh...
530
00:23:10,621 --> 00:23:12,757
told me what unit
they were with or whatever.
531
00:23:12,790 --> 00:23:14,192
Said, "Hey,
you gonna go do--
532
00:23:14,225 --> 00:23:16,861
You're gonna do something
about this, right?"
533
00:23:16,894 --> 00:23:19,298
And, um...
534
00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:23,168
and then they took me
onto the site.
535
00:23:23,202 --> 00:23:24,937
And I knew I was gonna
be part of whatever it was
536
00:23:26,105 --> 00:23:28,039
that we were gonna do
to make sure
537
00:23:28,072 --> 00:23:31,009
something like that
was not gonna happen again.
538
00:23:32,611 --> 00:23:33,011
Over the next several months,
539
00:23:33,812 --> 00:23:36,281
I prepared myself
for the inevitable,
540
00:23:36,315 --> 00:23:38,350
all the while getting
angrier and angrier
541
00:23:38,384 --> 00:23:40,986
at what had happened
to my beloved country.
542
00:23:41,019 --> 00:23:41,053
My thoughts were
almost continuously
on my loved ones:
543
00:23:43,990 --> 00:23:47,427
my friends in L.A.
who were like family to me,
544
00:23:47,460 --> 00:23:49,129
my real family
back home in Alabama.
545
00:23:50,363 --> 00:23:52,966
I came to believe
that somebody was
out to hurt them.
546
00:23:52,999 --> 00:23:55,469
I can't really tell you
what that did to me.
547
00:23:55,503 --> 00:23:57,204
So I ate good,
548
00:23:58,272 --> 00:24:00,174
worked out harder,
549
00:24:00,207 --> 00:24:01,876
smoked more.
550
00:24:01,909 --> 00:24:04,911
I bought all these books
on the Taliban,
551
00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:05,278
Islamic fundamentalism.
552
00:24:06,813 --> 00:24:08,749
"Know your enemy,"
they always say.
553
00:24:10,885 --> 00:24:13,387
And then the strangest
thing happened.
554
00:24:13,788 --> 00:24:17,792
One night,
while I was asleep,
555
00:24:17,825 --> 00:24:19,661
somebody switched the enemy.
556
00:24:19,694 --> 00:24:21,096
Before September the 11th,
557
00:24:21,129 --> 00:24:21,463
many in the world believed
558
00:24:22,330 --> 00:24:25,634
that Saddam Hussein
could be contained.
559
00:24:25,667 --> 00:24:28,503
But chemical agents,
lethal viruses,
560
00:24:28,537 --> 00:24:29,538
and shadowy
terrorist networks
561
00:24:31,006 --> 00:24:32,742
are not easily contained.
562
00:24:34,343 --> 00:24:37,613
Imagine those 19 hijackers
with other weapons
563
00:24:37,780 --> 00:24:39,482
and other plans,
564
00:24:39,515 --> 00:24:42,951
this time armed
by Saddam Hussein.
565
00:24:42,984 --> 00:24:45,721
It would take one vial,
one canister, one crate,
566
00:24:46,556 --> 00:24:49,358
slipped into this country,
to bring a day of horror
567
00:24:49,392 --> 00:24:51,461
like none
we have ever known.
568
00:24:53,262 --> 00:24:53,830
We will do everything
in our power
569
00:24:55,798 --> 00:25:00,037
to make sure that
that day never comes.
570
00:25:00,070 --> 00:25:01,905
[applause]
571
00:25:05,342 --> 00:25:07,744
You stopped hearing
about the al-Qaeda.
572
00:25:07,778 --> 00:25:10,048
And the more and more--
I mean, you would hear...
573
00:25:10,515 --> 00:25:15,086
uh, September 11
and Saddam Hussein
574
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,055
in the same sentence
over and over.
575
00:25:17,088 --> 00:25:18,121
[Man on TV]
Saddam Hussein
576
00:25:18,622 --> 00:25:21,025
is very much focused
on putting in place
577
00:25:21,059 --> 00:25:23,061
a key missing piece
578
00:25:23,094 --> 00:25:25,230
from his nuclear
weapons program,
579
00:25:25,263 --> 00:25:26,197
the ability to produce
fissile material
580
00:25:28,266 --> 00:25:30,168
Colin Powell
going in front of the UN
581
00:25:30,201 --> 00:25:31,769
was a turning point for me.
582
00:25:31,803 --> 00:25:34,306
After that day,
I was, like, you know,
583
00:25:34,673 --> 00:25:39,078
"Okay, so maybe Saddam Hussein
did not send the pilots,
584
00:25:39,111 --> 00:25:42,081
"but clearly
he's part of this whole
585
00:25:42,114 --> 00:25:42,381
"kind of evil group
586
00:25:46,319 --> 00:25:49,723
"that hates us so much
that September 11 happened.
587
00:25:49,756 --> 00:25:50,490
"So it's kind of
all the same thing,
588
00:25:51,691 --> 00:25:53,093
really, when you think
about it."
589
00:25:53,126 --> 00:25:55,027
[George W. Bush]
I--I want you to know
590
00:25:55,060 --> 00:25:56,962
that, um...
591
00:25:56,996 --> 00:25:58,565
the mission you are on
is vital
592
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,570
to achieving peace...
593
00:26:03,603 --> 00:26:04,704
and to protecting America.
594
00:26:06,940 --> 00:26:09,442
One of my most solemn duties,
595
00:26:09,476 --> 00:26:11,379
a duty that you
have joined me on,
596
00:26:11,412 --> 00:26:14,081
is to protect
the American people.
597
00:26:14,115 --> 00:26:14,749
...like my unit, 4th LAR,
598
00:26:16,651 --> 00:26:17,952
was headed to Iraq.
599
00:26:17,985 --> 00:26:19,387
There was no way in hell
600
00:26:19,420 --> 00:26:21,789
I was gonna let my buddies
go into some shit
601
00:26:21,822 --> 00:26:22,858
without me being there
doing my best to try to...
602
00:26:24,226 --> 00:26:25,694
help protect them.
603
00:26:25,727 --> 00:26:28,797
So suffice it to say that,
604
00:26:28,830 --> 00:26:30,965
between all
the rationalizations
I gave myself
605
00:26:31,198 --> 00:26:34,602
and everything
I heard on Fox News,
606
00:26:34,635 --> 00:26:37,005
by the time Oscar Night
rolled around
607
00:26:37,039 --> 00:26:39,074
and Michael Moore
took the stage,
608
00:26:40,275 --> 00:26:44,112
all I saw was some fat guy
screaming that I was going
to a fictitious war.
609
00:26:46,348 --> 00:26:47,183
I was packed for Iraq,
610
00:26:48,117 --> 00:26:50,219
praying
for fictitious bullets.
611
00:26:51,888 --> 00:26:53,556
In different ways,
and on different levels,
612
00:26:53,590 --> 00:26:55,291
I had felt like the abused,
613
00:26:56,359 --> 00:27:00,831
uh, weak, powerless,
defenseless person.
614
00:27:00,864 --> 00:27:03,367
And now was
this opportunity to go
615
00:27:05,002 --> 00:27:08,972
and just kick the shit
outta somebody who was...
616
00:27:09,005 --> 00:27:10,940
being mean
to innocent people.
617
00:27:10,974 --> 00:27:11,474
AIDS happened
in my lifetime.
618
00:27:13,143 --> 00:27:17,815
I have buried a lot
of beautiful young men
619
00:27:17,848 --> 00:27:19,550
before, you know,
what I would consider
their time.
620
00:27:20,718 --> 00:27:24,623
To suddenly have to face war?
On top of AIDS?
621
00:27:24,656 --> 00:27:26,057
And here's
a friend of mine
622
00:27:26,091 --> 00:27:27,659
who is healthy
and young and vibrant,
623
00:27:28,727 --> 00:27:31,496
who's choosing
to put himself
in harm's way
624
00:27:31,529 --> 00:27:32,964
for something
that he believes in,
625
00:27:32,998 --> 00:27:34,633
was really hard
for me to swallow.
626
00:27:34,666 --> 00:27:35,734
There's a feeling
of powerlessness
627
00:27:37,770 --> 00:27:40,206
when your friends is--
are doing something
628
00:27:40,239 --> 00:27:42,375
that you think is
the wrong choice for them,
629
00:27:42,408 --> 00:27:43,842
and you can't stop them,
and you can't change it.
630
00:27:45,577 --> 00:27:48,079
And that's what
I was really angry about.
631
00:27:48,113 --> 00:27:50,850
I was proud of him,
you know, uh,
632
00:27:50,883 --> 00:27:51,917
for what he was doing,
633
00:27:52,685 --> 00:27:55,721
um, because there's
so many millions,
634
00:27:55,755 --> 00:27:59,692
you know, over here,
you know, just going
about their--
635
00:27:59,725 --> 00:27:59,992
their own business
in their daily lives.
636
00:28:01,828 --> 00:28:04,064
And, uh--
And then you've got the--
637
00:28:04,097 --> 00:28:06,667
the select few
that are over there,
638
00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:08,068
um, actually putting
their lives on the line
639
00:28:10,103 --> 00:28:12,906
When I actually
got the call
640
00:28:12,939 --> 00:28:14,976
that said,
"Hey, we're gonna
get deployed,"
641
00:28:15,009 --> 00:28:16,144
I had a flashback,
an instant flashback,
642
00:28:17,078 --> 00:28:19,213
to a--a moment
in boot camp,
643
00:28:19,247 --> 00:28:21,581
this one moment where
our drill instructor
644
00:28:21,615 --> 00:28:23,884
took his cover off
his hat, and, like,
645
00:28:23,917 --> 00:28:24,251
wiped his face
and gave us a look
and said,
646
00:28:26,654 --> 00:28:29,290
"You know, I never
thought I'd go to war."
647
00:28:29,323 --> 00:28:30,525
And I was just, like,
648
00:28:30,558 --> 00:28:32,293
I--I--I knew
what he was feeling
649
00:28:33,528 --> 00:28:35,396
because I never
thought I'd go to war.
650
00:28:35,430 --> 00:28:38,066
One thing I want you
to keep in mind is,
651
00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:40,402
right now in Iraq
and all over the Middle East
652
00:28:41,336 --> 00:28:44,406
there are
young men out there,
about our same age,
653
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,775
that--that are preparing
for a war, too.
654
00:28:46,809 --> 00:28:48,043
[Man]
Our parents all knew
where they were
655
00:28:48,077 --> 00:28:48,510
when Kennedy was--
was assassinated.
656
00:28:49,712 --> 00:28:51,815
I'll remember where I was
when I learned about 9--
657
00:28:51,848 --> 00:28:54,117
you know,
what happened
during 9/11.
658
00:28:54,150 --> 00:28:56,586
And, um, I will
always remember,
659
00:28:58,587 --> 00:29:01,123
you know, the days
leading up to somebody
660
00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:03,827
that, uh--
that I had come
to know and love,
661
00:29:03,860 --> 00:29:04,661
you know, was going
off to war.
662
00:29:05,528 --> 00:29:07,163
I remember
when we went to his--
663
00:29:07,197 --> 00:29:09,566
his, um, going away party--
664
00:29:09,599 --> 00:29:11,234
we had a dinner party
for him--
665
00:29:11,267 --> 00:29:12,736
and I didn't want to go.
I just didn't want to go.
666
00:29:14,170 --> 00:29:16,073
I, uh--It's--You know--
667
00:29:16,107 --> 00:29:18,008
And then, when I walked
in the restaurant,
668
00:29:18,042 --> 00:29:20,311
and there he was
in his uniform,
669
00:29:20,344 --> 00:29:20,845
you know,
he looked beautiful.
670
00:29:22,012 --> 00:29:24,849
He looked like
the epitome of a Marine.
671
00:29:24,882 --> 00:29:26,383
But I had absolutely
no desire
672
00:29:26,417 --> 00:29:28,920
to walk through the,
you know, the door
of the restaurant,
673
00:29:29,020 --> 00:29:31,056
'cause I--I didn't want
to say good-bye,
674
00:29:31,089 --> 00:29:33,024
'cause I didn't know
if it was, um,
675
00:29:33,058 --> 00:29:35,226
you know,
gonna be good-bye.
676
00:29:35,259 --> 00:29:36,994
When you hold Jeff,
677
00:29:37,528 --> 00:29:40,799
every part of your body
touches him,
678
00:29:40,832 --> 00:29:42,768
and every part
of your soul
touches him.
679
00:29:42,801 --> 00:29:45,070
And I just
remember standing
in his living room...
680
00:29:50,408 --> 00:29:53,146
and holding him...
681
00:29:53,346 --> 00:29:55,248
and not wanting
to let go.
682
00:29:55,281 --> 00:29:57,750
[Judy]
One of
the hardest things
683
00:29:57,784 --> 00:30:01,087
that's ever happened
to me in my life
684
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:01,254
is when my son
handed me his will...
685
00:30:04,892 --> 00:30:07,594
and his power of attorney.
686
00:30:09,062 --> 00:30:09,363
That was hard.
687
00:30:11,564 --> 00:30:13,733
So, uh, I hope I live.
688
00:30:13,766 --> 00:30:15,034
I probably will.
689
00:30:15,067 --> 00:30:16,870
I'm too mean to die.
[Man]
You will.
690
00:30:16,904 --> 00:30:17,471
I'll live.
I'll make sure of it.
691
00:30:19,072 --> 00:30:20,474
Get that on tape.
Make sure.
692
00:30:20,507 --> 00:30:21,909
I'll make sure
he'll come home.
693
00:30:21,942 --> 00:30:23,744
That's a guarantee
right there from Vaughn.
694
00:30:26,547 --> 00:30:28,382
[Estenzo]
We landed in Kuwait,
got out.
695
00:30:28,415 --> 00:30:32,020
Immediately, a rush of hot,
humid air came in.
696
00:30:32,053 --> 00:30:33,655
It, uh, immediately
caught my senses,
697
00:30:34,923 --> 00:30:36,591
and I was, like, "Wow,
698
00:30:36,624 --> 00:30:37,592
"we're in it.
699
00:30:37,625 --> 00:30:39,027
"You know,
next thing you know,
700
00:30:39,060 --> 00:30:40,295
"we're gonna pass
the line,
701
00:30:40,328 --> 00:30:41,764
and we're really
gonna be in it."
702
00:30:42,598 --> 00:30:46,302
You come out of this big,
giant belly of a ship,
703
00:30:46,335 --> 00:30:47,502
and, uh, like, the--
704
00:30:47,535 --> 00:30:49,871
just everything
just kind of opens up,
705
00:30:50,171 --> 00:30:51,439
And you see
706
00:30:51,472 --> 00:30:53,608
a foreign country,
707
00:30:53,641 --> 00:30:56,078
kind of like a animal
just let out of a cage.
708
00:30:56,111 --> 00:30:57,947
And you're just,
kind of, looking around...
709
00:30:58,547 --> 00:31:00,282
adjusting to
your surroundings.
710
00:31:01,784 --> 00:31:04,253
[Jeff]
We got to Kuwait City,
to this huge tent town,
711
00:31:04,286 --> 00:31:06,056
where there had been,
you know, 100,000 troops
at one time.
712
00:31:08,358 --> 00:31:11,561
And we're there at
this basically deserted
tent town,
713
00:31:11,595 --> 00:31:14,164
uh, cleaning up
their trash.
714
00:31:14,431 --> 00:31:16,633
And, um...
715
00:31:16,666 --> 00:31:19,136
finally we cross
the line into Iraq.
716
00:31:25,642 --> 00:31:27,878
[Magaña]
You get to this line
in the sand.
717
00:31:27,911 --> 00:31:29,312
That's the border,
718
00:31:29,346 --> 00:31:30,347
the difference between
Iraq and Kuwait.
719
00:31:31,349 --> 00:31:33,217
And as soon
as you cross it,
720
00:31:33,251 --> 00:31:34,852
you're in a whole
different world.
721
00:31:34,886 --> 00:31:36,053
I mean, literally, within--
722
00:31:36,087 --> 00:31:38,422
within two seconds
of crossing that line,
723
00:31:38,923 --> 00:31:41,659
I saw little kids
with no shoes,
724
00:31:41,692 --> 00:31:43,528
no food, you know,
literally, begging,
725
00:31:43,562 --> 00:31:45,697
putting their hands out
and gesturing to their mouth,
726
00:31:45,731 --> 00:31:46,531
you know, "Can you guys
give us some food?"
727
00:31:47,900 --> 00:31:49,534
And it just--
It broke my heart.
728
00:31:49,568 --> 00:31:50,969
I was like,
"Oh, my God."
729
00:31:51,003 --> 00:31:52,971
And that, if anything,
730
00:31:53,005 --> 00:31:54,640
solidified my belief
that we were there
731
00:31:54,740 --> 00:31:56,809
to do the right thing.
732
00:31:56,843 --> 00:31:58,811
[Jeff]
Little bitty kids
would come.
733
00:31:58,845 --> 00:32:00,012
They would hear us coming,
734
00:32:00,045 --> 00:32:02,014
and they would tear out
to the road
735
00:32:02,047 --> 00:32:02,748
as fast as they could run,
736
00:32:03,749 --> 00:32:05,951
hoping we would, um,
throw them out some food.
737
00:32:07,219 --> 00:32:08,621
So, you know,
then I'm thinking,
738
00:32:08,655 --> 00:32:10,723
Oh, you know, definitely,
739
00:32:10,757 --> 00:32:10,823
it's a good thing
we are here.
740
00:32:13,426 --> 00:32:14,661
Hi!
Hi!
741
00:32:16,095 --> 00:32:17,597
The first place we stopped
742
00:32:17,630 --> 00:32:18,932
made Parrish, Alabama,
look like a metropolis.
743
00:32:21,936 --> 00:32:24,505
We just kinda sat out
744
00:32:24,538 --> 00:32:27,007
on the hillside
that afternoon
with the kids,
745
00:32:28,008 --> 00:32:31,779
and they were
very nice to us.
746
00:32:31,812 --> 00:32:34,249
All the kids...
747
00:32:34,282 --> 00:32:35,083
are so beautiful.
748
00:32:36,251 --> 00:32:37,418
You know, they're--
they're just--
749
00:32:37,451 --> 00:32:40,554
The kids are so beautiful.
750
00:32:40,587 --> 00:32:42,957
If you look somebody
in the eye, no matter what,
751
00:32:42,990 --> 00:32:43,190
you kinda get them.
752
00:32:44,191 --> 00:32:45,827
And I took all
of these pictures
753
00:32:45,860 --> 00:32:47,262
of the kids' eyes.
754
00:32:49,965 --> 00:32:51,299
I kneeled in front
of seven Iraqi children
755
00:32:53,401 --> 00:32:54,803
obediently seated
on a 2-foot wall
756
00:32:54,836 --> 00:32:58,607
made of mud and shit
and straw,
757
00:32:58,641 --> 00:32:59,408
pull a bottle of lotion
from my pack,
758
00:33:00,576 --> 00:33:04,480
and gently smooth it
onto each grateful face,
759
00:33:04,513 --> 00:33:06,849
massage each tiny hand.
760
00:33:06,882 --> 00:33:07,516
Their hands looked
so small in mine.
761
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,255
Each child waits
eagerly but patiently
762
00:33:12,289 --> 00:33:14,623
for me to finish
with the last,
763
00:33:14,657 --> 00:33:15,591
this ritual they have
come to call magic.
764
00:33:17,526 --> 00:33:20,863
Where they learned
the word I cannot know.
765
00:33:20,896 --> 00:33:22,466
The volumes
of communication
766
00:33:22,499 --> 00:33:23,700
that occurs between
our eyes is limitless.
767
00:33:25,369 --> 00:33:28,338
The very term
"language barrier"
makes me laugh.
768
00:33:28,372 --> 00:33:31,241
Eventually,
they all leave...
769
00:33:31,274 --> 00:33:31,808
save one,
770
00:33:32,709 --> 00:33:34,145
a boy of about 10
771
00:33:34,178 --> 00:33:36,014
with eyes
the color of olives
772
00:33:36,047 --> 00:33:39,117
with flecks
of blood-red and gold.
773
00:33:39,150 --> 00:33:39,917
His eyes were as piercing
as a tiger's.
774
00:33:42,787 --> 00:33:45,390
When he checks to make sure
his buddies have all gone,
775
00:33:45,423 --> 00:33:48,027
he opens his mouth
to sing to me.
776
00:33:48,227 --> 00:33:49,395
The beauty of his song
777
00:33:49,428 --> 00:33:52,163
I would not insult
by trying to describe it.
778
00:33:52,196 --> 00:33:54,799
All of the heads of state
with armies at their command
779
00:33:54,832 --> 00:33:56,100
cannot wield the power
I found in that little
boy's song.
780
00:33:58,036 --> 00:34:01,940
In a filthy, impoverished,
war-torn country,
781
00:34:01,974 --> 00:34:04,176
I have found the very seed
of all that is beautiful
782
00:34:04,977 --> 00:34:06,378
and perfect
783
00:34:06,412 --> 00:34:08,047
and right.
784
00:34:23,998 --> 00:34:25,266
[Magaña]
I mean, the smallest things,
785
00:34:25,299 --> 00:34:26,766
like giving candy
to a little kid
786
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,435
or giving a man
a bottle of water,
787
00:34:29,669 --> 00:34:31,304
like, um, the--
those tangible things
788
00:34:31,337 --> 00:34:32,605
that you can really feel,
789
00:34:32,639 --> 00:34:34,140
like, you're giving
somebody something,
790
00:34:34,174 --> 00:34:36,110
you're putting a smile
on their face.
791
00:34:36,143 --> 00:34:36,544
You know, those things
made me proud.
792
00:34:38,079 --> 00:34:39,246
I really like that idea
793
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:41,415
that, not only are we
here to, you know,
794
00:34:41,449 --> 00:34:43,384
chase down the bad guys
and the people
795
00:34:43,417 --> 00:34:44,618
that are making
their lives miserable,
796
00:34:44,852 --> 00:34:47,588
but it's also great
to help out the people.
797
00:34:49,424 --> 00:34:52,727
Badrah, a tiny town
on the outskirts of Al Quds,
798
00:34:53,028 --> 00:34:55,197
is where I met Mehadi,
799
00:34:55,230 --> 00:34:58,934
a young boy with a happy,
if desperate, face.
800
00:34:58,967 --> 00:35:00,736
He adopts me immediately.
801
00:35:00,770 --> 00:35:00,803
"Mister! Mister!"
802
00:35:03,038 --> 00:35:05,507
Mehadi is streetwise
for his age,
803
00:35:05,540 --> 00:35:07,676
and works my sympathy
for every bit of food
804
00:35:07,709 --> 00:35:08,910
and money he can
get out of me.
805
00:35:09,644 --> 00:35:11,847
"Mister! Mister! Okay!"
806
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,817
Finally, I say,
"Hey, no more Mister.
807
00:35:14,851 --> 00:35:16,452
I'm Jeff."
808
00:35:16,486 --> 00:35:17,019
"Jeff! Okay!"
809
00:35:18,788 --> 00:35:20,790
When he forgets
and calls me Mister,
810
00:35:20,823 --> 00:35:22,725
I just look around
the crowd and say,
811
00:35:22,758 --> 00:35:24,260
"Mister! Mister!"--
812
00:35:24,293 --> 00:35:25,129
then shrug my shoulders
813
00:35:25,496 --> 00:35:27,731
as if I can't find
this "Mister."
814
00:35:27,764 --> 00:35:29,800
He laughs at my joke.
815
00:35:29,833 --> 00:35:32,236
It's very important to me
that he makes the separation.
816
00:35:33,370 --> 00:35:35,539
On the second day,
when we arrive in town,
817
00:35:35,572 --> 00:35:38,543
I just hold my hand
4 or 5 feet
from the ground
818
00:35:38,576 --> 00:35:40,744
and say,
"Mehadi? Mehadi?"
819
00:35:40,777 --> 00:35:41,311
They understand, and soon
my small guide appears.
820
00:35:44,781 --> 00:35:46,517
We spent the whole
afternoon together,
821
00:35:46,550 --> 00:35:49,019
him dragging me
from one place to the next,
822
00:35:49,052 --> 00:35:49,386
always surrounded
by hungry children.
823
00:35:51,923 --> 00:35:54,092
This is his home,
and he's proud of it.
824
00:35:54,125 --> 00:35:55,793
[Jeff]
Mehadi?
Mehadi.
825
00:35:55,827 --> 00:35:57,462
And Mehadi's
brother, uh--
Ishtar.
826
00:35:58,062 --> 00:35:59,030
Ishtar.
Ishtar.
827
00:35:59,063 --> 00:36:00,398
Yes.
828
00:36:00,431 --> 00:36:03,569
And we're here in--
Muhar?
829
00:36:03,602 --> 00:36:05,504
This town?
[Ishtar]
Badrah.
830
00:36:07,439 --> 00:36:08,974
[Boy]
Jeff!
831
00:36:09,008 --> 00:36:10,209
What's your name?
832
00:36:10,242 --> 00:36:12,144
[Jeff]
My name is Jeff.
What's your name?
833
00:36:12,178 --> 00:36:13,212
Sirwan.
834
00:36:13,245 --> 00:36:13,646
Sirwan?
Salaam aleichem.
835
00:36:15,815 --> 00:36:17,249
Aleichem salaam.
836
00:36:17,283 --> 00:36:18,651
Mister!
[speaking Arabic]
837
00:36:18,684 --> 00:36:20,786
[Jeff repeats Arabic word]
838
00:36:20,819 --> 00:36:21,720
Ah.
Boo!
839
00:36:22,688 --> 00:36:24,723
[laughter]
840
00:36:29,196 --> 00:36:29,796
[Jeff]
Check this out.
841
00:36:31,932 --> 00:36:33,333
Look at it now.
842
00:36:36,403 --> 00:36:37,871
What's it--
Now you see all.
843
00:36:38,071 --> 00:36:41,242
[Kids]
Wow!
That's a better idea.
844
00:36:41,275 --> 00:36:42,977
Jeff!
[Jeff]
Yes.
845
00:36:43,010 --> 00:36:44,845
Jeff--
[speaking Arabic]
846
00:36:46,447 --> 00:36:49,684
Yes.
Okay, I have to go.
847
00:36:49,717 --> 00:36:51,353
I have to--
I have to go.
848
00:36:51,386 --> 00:36:53,521
[Boy]
Mister! Mister!
[Jeff] Yes? You?
849
00:36:53,554 --> 00:36:54,055
It's okay.
[Jeff]
Okay.
850
00:36:56,290 --> 00:36:57,291
Jeff!
851
00:36:59,527 --> 00:37:02,163
Suddenly,
we received the order,
and we have to leave.
852
00:37:02,263 --> 00:37:04,666
Back inside the driver's
compartment of my vehicle,
853
00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:06,301
crowds gather around.
854
00:37:06,335 --> 00:37:08,470
With my column helmet
and my tinted goggles on,
855
00:37:08,503 --> 00:37:10,272
I just pretend I can't hear
Mehadi there in the crowd.
856
00:37:11,974 --> 00:37:13,041
"Jeff! Jeff!
857
00:37:13,075 --> 00:37:14,810
Jeff!"
858
00:37:14,843 --> 00:37:15,877
Eventually, I can't resist,
859
00:37:15,911 --> 00:37:18,381
so I search the crowd
with my eyes.
860
00:37:18,848 --> 00:37:21,851
He's there,
just below my hatch.
861
00:37:21,884 --> 00:37:24,487
One of the other little kids
pokes fun at Mehadi
862
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,456
by pointing out
his tears to me.
863
00:37:26,856 --> 00:37:31,728
So I just lift
my tinted goggles
so he can see my eyes.
864
00:37:31,761 --> 00:37:34,564
So we receive the order,
and I drive away.
865
00:37:41,905 --> 00:37:42,640
I don't even know
if I'd left
866
00:37:43,574 --> 00:37:45,209
and I was on my way home,
867
00:37:45,242 --> 00:37:46,410
or...
868
00:37:46,443 --> 00:37:47,611
or where this--
869
00:37:47,645 --> 00:37:49,513
but this Marine
came up and said,
870
00:37:49,546 --> 00:37:50,714
"Hey, is your
first name Jeff?"
871
00:37:50,981 --> 00:37:52,149
'Cause, you know,
you--
872
00:37:52,182 --> 00:37:54,486
People only know
my last name.
873
00:37:54,519 --> 00:37:56,187
And I said, "Yeah."
And he goes,
874
00:37:56,221 --> 00:37:58,823
"There's this kid
in Badrah,
875
00:37:59,658 --> 00:38:01,926
"and whenever Marines
go to town,
876
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,298
"he's got 'Jeff Key'
written on his arm.
877
00:38:05,331 --> 00:38:06,931
And he comes up
and he, you know,
he points."
878
00:38:07,932 --> 00:38:10,468
He was, um,
trying to find me.
879
00:38:14,005 --> 00:38:15,006
I later found out
that his name means peace,
880
00:38:18,244 --> 00:38:22,081
which is, uh,
a great little nod
from the universe.
881
00:38:24,784 --> 00:38:27,153
[Magaña]
It's really hard.
You want to go over there,
882
00:38:27,186 --> 00:38:29,055
and you want to help
these people
883
00:38:29,088 --> 00:38:30,957
because you see them,
you know--
884
00:38:30,991 --> 00:38:31,158
They're either asking
for food or water.
885
00:38:33,026 --> 00:38:35,362
But at the same time,
you have to be standoffish
886
00:38:35,395 --> 00:38:37,497
'cause you are--
you're in a--in a war zone,
887
00:38:37,531 --> 00:38:39,166
and you're protecting
yourself.
888
00:38:39,199 --> 00:38:39,232
So that was one--
one issue that, um,
889
00:38:42,736 --> 00:38:44,371
we butted head with--
with a lot.
890
00:38:44,404 --> 00:38:47,240
He was always like,
"Oh, yeah. Let me go
talk to this guy."
891
00:38:47,274 --> 00:38:47,341
And I was like,
"Key, you can't do that."
892
00:38:49,309 --> 00:38:51,311
You know, I would, like,
literally yell at him.
893
00:38:51,345 --> 00:38:52,546
"Hey, get back over here."
894
00:38:52,579 --> 00:38:54,214
And he'd get pissed.
He'd be like,
895
00:38:54,247 --> 00:38:55,450
"Man, I'm just gonna
go talk to the guy."
896
00:38:56,417 --> 00:38:58,553
"No. We're in Iraq.
You don't know this guy."
897
00:38:58,586 --> 00:39:00,888
And he'd be like,
"Aw, Magaña, man,
898
00:39:00,922 --> 00:39:02,090
you just--
you don't know."
899
00:39:02,123 --> 00:39:03,558
Part of the rest
of the company
joined us today.
900
00:39:05,126 --> 00:39:07,496
It's taking forever
for the whole company
to get here,
901
00:39:07,529 --> 00:39:10,332
and part--part's
already marched north.
902
00:39:10,366 --> 00:39:11,633
Man, when my buddy
Estenzo showed up,
903
00:39:13,769 --> 00:39:15,671
I was up on top
of the vehicle.
904
00:39:15,704 --> 00:39:18,874
And, man,
I was so happy to see him.
905
00:39:18,907 --> 00:39:19,708
[Estenzo]
We found ourselves together
906
00:39:21,543 --> 00:39:23,612
at this place
called Dogtown.
907
00:39:23,645 --> 00:39:24,780
It was nicknamed that
908
00:39:24,813 --> 00:39:26,215
because there were
so many dogs
909
00:39:26,248 --> 00:39:27,616
all over the place.
910
00:39:27,649 --> 00:39:27,816
We immediately left
911
00:39:29,318 --> 00:39:32,889
to go and get some
materials and supplies
from another position.
912
00:39:32,922 --> 00:39:35,892
[Jeff]
We rolled somewhere
for a part or something,
913
00:39:36,126 --> 00:39:40,230
and a big dust storm
came up.
914
00:39:40,263 --> 00:39:42,031
The sand storms over there
are incredible,
915
00:39:42,065 --> 00:39:43,968
like, just, you know,
they can cut you.
916
00:39:44,001 --> 00:39:47,271
It's--They'll be so quick
and come up so fast.
917
00:39:47,304 --> 00:39:49,607
[Estenzo]
Two other Marines
that was with us were like,
918
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,042
"Screw this, man.
I'm going inside.
I'll see you guys later."
919
00:39:52,243 --> 00:39:54,712
So they went
inside the vehicles
while we stayed out.
920
00:39:54,745 --> 00:39:56,881
And we're like,
"Man, how can you go inside
921
00:39:56,914 --> 00:40:00,117
and--and not experience
this crazy-ass sand storm?"
922
00:40:01,552 --> 00:40:03,754
We were just, kind of,
like, screaming at that point.
923
00:40:03,788 --> 00:40:05,322
We were, like,
just yelling, "Ooh Rah!"
924
00:40:05,356 --> 00:40:06,824
and, "Woo-Hoo!"
925
00:40:06,857 --> 00:40:08,225
And I was like...
926
00:40:08,559 --> 00:40:09,861
"You wanna say something!"
927
00:40:09,895 --> 00:40:11,930
And he was like,
"You can tell!"
928
00:40:11,963 --> 00:40:14,366
And I was like, "Say it!
929
00:40:14,399 --> 00:40:16,234
Say it!
Say what you wanna say!"
930
00:40:16,268 --> 00:40:16,334
They knew that,
on some level, it was--
931
00:40:18,637 --> 00:40:21,407
it had to be rough for me
932
00:40:21,441 --> 00:40:23,276
to have to keep this secret,
933
00:40:23,309 --> 00:40:24,444
you know, to never
just say something--
934
00:40:25,945 --> 00:40:28,815
just to freakin' say it
out loud or whatever.
935
00:40:28,848 --> 00:40:30,483
So he--he got it in his mind
936
00:40:30,516 --> 00:40:32,551
that he wanted me to, like,
scream "I'm a fag" or, uh,
937
00:40:34,220 --> 00:40:36,456
out there where nobody
could here it,
938
00:40:36,489 --> 00:40:38,758
and just, like,
get it out or whatever.
939
00:40:40,827 --> 00:40:43,029
[Estenzo]
He said that he was gay,
940
00:40:43,062 --> 00:40:44,063
and it was just...
941
00:40:44,096 --> 00:40:45,899
you know,
it was just something
942
00:40:45,933 --> 00:40:47,601
that he whispered
into the wind,
943
00:40:47,634 --> 00:40:48,735
and it took--
it took, you know--
944
00:40:49,903 --> 00:40:51,271
it took--
it took a glide away.
945
00:40:51,305 --> 00:40:55,375
And--And, uh, it went
to the rest of the world
from there.
946
00:40:55,409 --> 00:40:56,844
And that's when you kind of,
like, realize that,
947
00:40:57,711 --> 00:41:00,248
you know, there's only
so much you can do
948
00:41:00,281 --> 00:41:02,083
before, you know,
949
00:41:02,116 --> 00:41:04,419
finally revealing
one's true self.
950
00:41:09,990 --> 00:41:12,060
So much is happening
for me,
951
00:41:12,093 --> 00:41:12,994
spiritually
and emotionally,
952
00:41:13,661 --> 00:41:15,797
that I just can't
pour it onto the page
953
00:41:15,830 --> 00:41:18,132
or onto a camera
fast enough.
954
00:41:18,166 --> 00:41:20,535
Takes me time to just
try to sort it out.
955
00:41:20,568 --> 00:41:21,102
Just comes too fast.
956
00:41:22,537 --> 00:41:24,073
I could continuously write
957
00:41:24,106 --> 00:41:27,142
and still not
get it all down.
958
00:41:27,176 --> 00:41:29,211
"Lance Corporal Key's
Summer Vacation.
This summer I--"
959
00:41:31,113 --> 00:41:34,149
I felt like what
was happening to me
was profound.
960
00:41:34,183 --> 00:41:37,153
It was just like the volume
was turned up on life.
961
00:41:37,187 --> 00:41:37,320
Everything was
so incredibly real.
962
00:41:39,389 --> 00:41:40,790
[Magaña]
He would crack us up.
963
00:41:40,824 --> 00:41:42,425
Whenever we had time,
we'd be like,
964
00:41:42,459 --> 00:41:44,427
"Hey, Key. What's up?
Can you read us something?"
965
00:41:44,461 --> 00:41:45,395
Almost like a--
like a--like a story.
966
00:41:46,929 --> 00:41:49,699
And he just, uh--
I remember he was writing
967
00:41:49,733 --> 00:41:52,903
about, like,
how hot the day had been.
968
00:41:52,936 --> 00:41:53,503
And one of the lines--
I think it was in his play.
969
00:41:56,006 --> 00:41:58,909
He said, "Oh, it feels
like the devil, you know,
970
00:41:58,942 --> 00:42:01,078
"crawled out of hell
and farted in my face.
971
00:42:01,112 --> 00:42:01,612
It was so hot."
And I was like, "Oh, man."
972
00:42:03,481 --> 00:42:05,616
It was--It was funny
because I can see it.
973
00:42:05,650 --> 00:42:07,218
If the devil...
974
00:42:07,251 --> 00:42:08,753
turned around, bent over,
975
00:42:08,786 --> 00:42:09,687
spread his bright-red
ass cheeks,
976
00:42:10,154 --> 00:42:11,322
and farted in my face,
977
00:42:11,355 --> 00:42:12,558
it would take
my breath away,
978
00:42:12,591 --> 00:42:13,892
because it would feel
so frigid cold
979
00:42:13,926 --> 00:42:16,161
as compared to the way
I feel right now.
980
00:42:16,194 --> 00:42:17,796
Woo-hoo! It is "fot"--
fuckin' hot. 127 degrees.
981
00:42:21,133 --> 00:42:23,267
Inside my dirty little tent,
I rest my head
982
00:42:23,301 --> 00:42:25,871
on what I believe was once
a white foam pillow.
983
00:42:26,004 --> 00:42:27,439
I found it in the dumpster.
984
00:42:27,472 --> 00:42:29,608
If this thing had
a pillow case on it,
985
00:42:29,641 --> 00:42:31,243
I'd take it off and burn it.
986
00:42:31,276 --> 00:42:33,645
If I saw you on
the sidewalk in L.A.,
987
00:42:33,679 --> 00:42:33,946
I would cross the street
for fear of catching
something.
988
00:42:36,315 --> 00:42:38,451
At least I would
call the CDC--
989
00:42:38,484 --> 00:42:42,055
or the ASPCA.
I think I just saw
the motherfucker move.
990
00:42:42,221 --> 00:42:44,457
Here it's one of
my few comforts.
991
00:42:44,490 --> 00:42:46,225
Since I broke my headphones,
992
00:42:46,259 --> 00:42:48,963
I've been borrowing
Corporal Magaña's
3-inch stereo speakers.
993
00:42:48,996 --> 00:42:50,130
which is great,
because I still
have my music.
994
00:42:51,098 --> 00:42:52,466
But it sucks,
because passersby
995
00:42:52,499 --> 00:42:54,969
can hear what
I'm listening to.
996
00:42:55,002 --> 00:42:56,637
How pathetic.
After all I've been through,
997
00:42:56,670 --> 00:42:58,238
having to worry about
explaining the musical Rent
998
00:42:58,838 --> 00:43:00,807
to those who don't
want to get it.
999
00:43:02,343 --> 00:43:04,478
[Jeff]
What are you doing there,
trying to kill--
1000
00:43:04,511 --> 00:43:06,280
Dude, you have a rat
underneath your--dude.
1001
00:43:06,313 --> 00:43:06,347
I have a rat
under my tent?
1002
00:43:08,816 --> 00:43:10,150
A big-ass rat, dude.
1003
00:43:10,184 --> 00:43:12,553
There you go.
Smash it with that bitch.
1004
00:43:12,586 --> 00:43:14,456
Why don't you go and--
Well, for number 1,
1005
00:43:14,689 --> 00:43:16,925
why don't you shoo it
off into the desert
where it belongs?
1006
00:43:16,958 --> 00:43:18,994
Man, why don't you come and--
1007
00:43:19,027 --> 00:43:20,996
Get it!
[Jeff]
A big-ass rat.
1008
00:43:21,029 --> 00:43:22,564
I couldn't do it!
I couldn't do it!
1009
00:43:22,897 --> 00:43:23,999
[Men laughing]
1010
00:43:24,032 --> 00:43:25,300
[Jeff]
Don't kill it.
1011
00:43:25,333 --> 00:43:27,470
I couldn't do it, man.
He was right there!
1012
00:43:27,503 --> 00:43:28,838
We were like--aw, shit.
1013
00:43:28,871 --> 00:43:30,673
Don't kill him.
1014
00:43:31,173 --> 00:43:32,575
Don't kill him.
Shoo him in--
1015
00:43:32,608 --> 00:43:34,076
Shoo him into
the desert.
1016
00:43:34,110 --> 00:43:36,478
It's bad karma.
You'll be able
to see his ass.
1017
00:43:36,511 --> 00:43:38,146
It's bad karma.
He's innocent.
1018
00:43:38,180 --> 00:43:38,781
You serious?
There it is!
1019
00:43:39,649 --> 00:43:41,717
Right there.
He's right there.
Where?
1020
00:43:41,751 --> 00:43:43,119
[rat squeals]
[Men shout]
1021
00:43:43,152 --> 00:43:45,221
[Men cheering]
1022
00:43:48,224 --> 00:43:51,028
Oh, my God!
Blood and guts!
[Men laughing]
1023
00:43:51,061 --> 00:43:52,295
Holy shit!
1024
00:43:52,329 --> 00:43:54,531
Hey, put him over there!
Hey, no, no,
no, hey.
1025
00:43:54,564 --> 00:43:54,965
[men chattering]
1026
00:43:58,035 --> 00:44:01,004
The desert feels
awesome at night.
1027
00:44:01,038 --> 00:44:02,539
It's pretty here.
1028
00:44:02,572 --> 00:44:03,074
Clean.
1029
00:44:04,175 --> 00:44:06,144
The next day is a cool
and pleasant day,
1030
00:44:06,177 --> 00:44:08,746
and I put out my cigarette
on a box marked "Explosives"
1031
00:44:08,780 --> 00:44:10,815
and make my way to one
of the blue port-a-shitters
1032
00:44:10,848 --> 00:44:11,182
here at Tent City.
1033
00:44:12,482 --> 00:44:13,884
On the inside
of the port-a-shitter,
1034
00:44:13,917 --> 00:44:15,720
the writing on
the wall says that
1035
00:44:15,753 --> 00:44:18,556
"Corporal Ballard is gay
and will suck your cock
for free."
1036
00:44:19,957 --> 00:44:22,060
Somebody drew an arrow
to that entry and wrote,
1037
00:44:22,093 --> 00:44:23,761
"A nigger fucked your mom."
1038
00:44:23,795 --> 00:44:25,096
Nice.
1039
00:44:25,129 --> 00:44:26,698
A 3-D drawing of two towers.
1040
00:44:26,731 --> 00:44:27,331
"9/11. Remember
what they did."
1041
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:32,504
"Hell is near, but if you
only ask, God will help."
1042
00:44:32,538 --> 00:44:35,441
"Fuck all white people.
Stupid crackers."
1043
00:44:35,708 --> 00:44:38,577
"Jesus died for my sins."
1044
00:44:38,610 --> 00:44:39,645
And...
1045
00:44:39,678 --> 00:44:43,383
"I am definitely
a homosexual."
1046
00:44:43,416 --> 00:44:43,550
I resist the urge
to add anything.
1047
00:44:46,886 --> 00:44:50,089
This is our freakin'
humble little home.
1048
00:44:50,122 --> 00:44:51,623
I always had to freak out
and hide the porn
1049
00:44:52,525 --> 00:44:54,227
'cause the first sergeant
came by.
1050
00:44:54,260 --> 00:44:58,264
The first sergeant would
probably like to see that.
1051
00:44:58,298 --> 00:44:59,733
Now I lost my position.
1052
00:45:02,702 --> 00:45:04,772
And this is
the softer stuff.
1053
00:45:04,805 --> 00:45:07,808
You know what--you know--
Well, never mind.
1054
00:45:08,776 --> 00:45:10,644
Hey, E.,
1055
00:45:10,678 --> 00:45:13,047
will you let me know
if you come across anything
1056
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:14,715
that might be
of interest to me?
1057
00:45:14,749 --> 00:45:15,916
Man,
you'll be surprised.
1058
00:45:15,950 --> 00:45:18,386
There were Marines
that sensed he was gay
1059
00:45:18,420 --> 00:45:20,555
and tried to make
an issue out of it,
1060
00:45:20,589 --> 00:45:22,591
like "Oh, he's a fag,
he's a queer."
1061
00:45:22,624 --> 00:45:23,992
You know,
"He's nothing but a faggot,"
1062
00:45:24,726 --> 00:45:26,360
and I'm like,
"So what? Who cares?
1063
00:45:26,393 --> 00:45:28,763
He's gay, and he's a Marine.
Leave him alone."
1064
00:45:28,796 --> 00:45:30,999
So that was--
that was really hard
1065
00:45:31,032 --> 00:45:32,067
to deal with sometimes.
1066
00:45:34,503 --> 00:45:37,005
I stand atop my vehicle
in Badrah
1067
00:45:37,038 --> 00:45:38,440
with my weapon at the ready,
1068
00:45:38,473 --> 00:45:39,808
balancing friendly
with guarded.
1069
00:45:39,841 --> 00:45:40,142
We want the people to know
we're here to help,
1070
00:45:42,345 --> 00:45:44,580
but looking passive
is an invitation for trouble.
1071
00:45:44,614 --> 00:45:46,015
A man in his early 30s
1072
00:45:46,048 --> 00:45:48,217
passes on the opposite
side of the street.
1073
00:45:48,384 --> 00:45:50,486
He is fit and good-looking
1074
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:52,889
in that brooding
Middle Eastern sort of way.
1075
00:45:52,922 --> 00:45:55,259
I follow him with my eyes.
1076
00:45:55,292 --> 00:45:56,326
So I'm watching my little
Iraqi soccer player
1077
00:45:57,728 --> 00:45:58,929
walk down the street,
1078
00:45:58,962 --> 00:46:01,598
and he looks back
in that way.
1079
00:46:01,632 --> 00:46:03,399
He smiled at my catching him,
1080
00:46:03,432 --> 00:46:04,400
In a couple of minutes,
he's made his way over.
1081
00:46:05,835 --> 00:46:07,137
Corporal Magaña's
come back,
1082
00:46:07,171 --> 00:46:08,572
and agrees
to watch the vehicle,
1083
00:46:08,605 --> 00:46:10,007
so I jump off the front,
1084
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:11,909
and I go over to the Iraqi,
1085
00:46:11,942 --> 00:46:12,476
showing off my best cowboy
American Marine swagger.
1086
00:46:15,245 --> 00:46:18,483
Speak English. Dear God,
let him speak English.
1087
00:46:18,516 --> 00:46:20,018
I greet him in Arabic.
1088
00:46:20,051 --> 00:46:20,552
Salaam aleichem.
1089
00:46:21,352 --> 00:46:23,955
I must have an accent.
Something makes him laugh.
1090
00:46:23,988 --> 00:46:25,890
"Aleichem salaam."
1091
00:46:25,924 --> 00:46:28,560
"You speak English."
"A little."
1092
00:46:28,593 --> 00:46:28,626
Yes.
1093
00:46:29,961 --> 00:46:31,564
"I'm Jeff."
1094
00:46:31,597 --> 00:46:33,933
"Abbas. Nice to meet you."
1095
00:46:33,966 --> 00:46:36,735
We grip hands tight
and resist letting go
1096
00:46:37,203 --> 00:46:40,104
just long enough
so as not to get busted.
1097
00:46:40,138 --> 00:46:42,040
We make small talk
as much as possible,
1098
00:46:42,073 --> 00:46:43,943
and I begin to wonder if--
1099
00:46:43,976 --> 00:46:44,810
I don't know. I want more.
1100
00:46:45,411 --> 00:46:47,046
There's no way
we could do anything,
1101
00:46:47,079 --> 00:46:49,215
but I'm desperate for at least
a verbal acknowledgment
1102
00:46:49,248 --> 00:46:50,783
of what we both know.
1103
00:46:50,816 --> 00:46:52,885
He figures out how.
1104
00:46:53,018 --> 00:46:55,054
"You have wife?"
1105
00:46:55,087 --> 00:46:58,225
"No. No wife. You?"
1106
00:46:58,258 --> 00:47:00,093
"No wife."
1107
00:47:00,126 --> 00:47:00,994
Then those beautiful
brown eyes lit up.
1108
00:47:02,195 --> 00:47:05,398
You know, I'm a sucker
for brown eyes.
1109
00:47:05,432 --> 00:47:09,103
"Why?" he flirts,
and I just smile.
1110
00:47:09,203 --> 00:47:12,306
We're making out big-time
with our words:
1111
00:47:12,340 --> 00:47:14,208
Uh, "You're beautiful,"
he says quietly,
1112
00:47:14,242 --> 00:47:16,843
as his eyes dart around
to make sure no one hears.
1113
00:47:16,877 --> 00:47:17,177
"Yeah. You're beautiful, too."
1114
00:47:19,813 --> 00:47:22,183
You can see the electricity
in the air between us,
1115
00:47:22,216 --> 00:47:24,585
and my cammie bottoms are
getting tighter by the second.
1116
00:47:24,619 --> 00:47:25,253
I think he's having
the same problem.
1117
00:47:27,255 --> 00:47:30,758
"You have"--
and he pantomimes lip balm.
1118
00:47:30,791 --> 00:47:31,959
I reach in my pocket
1119
00:47:31,993 --> 00:47:33,328
and produce my dirty
half-used tube.
1120
00:47:34,029 --> 00:47:35,197
I got to tell you,
1121
00:47:35,230 --> 00:47:36,865
I don't think
I've ever seen anybody
1122
00:47:36,899 --> 00:47:38,800
put on lip balm
in a sexier way.
1123
00:47:38,834 --> 00:47:41,403
"What do you call"--
and he kisses the air.
1124
00:47:41,770 --> 00:47:42,738
"What, this?"
1125
00:47:42,771 --> 00:47:44,406
And I make
the kissing noise.
1126
00:47:44,439 --> 00:47:45,642
"Yes."
1127
00:47:45,675 --> 00:47:48,344
Uh, "Kiss.
We call it kiss."
1128
00:47:48,378 --> 00:47:49,512
"Kiss," he repeats,
and hands back the ChapStick.
1129
00:47:51,980 --> 00:47:53,148
"No, no, you keep it,"
1130
00:47:53,181 --> 00:47:55,083
and I hold up my hand,
refuse it.
1131
00:47:55,117 --> 00:47:57,587
"Kiss," he repeats,
and pushes it into my palm.
1132
00:47:58,121 --> 00:47:59,989
I'll be damned.
1133
00:48:00,023 --> 00:48:02,025
He's giving me a kiss.
1134
00:48:02,058 --> 00:48:03,960
I smooth the stuff
onto my own lips
1135
00:48:03,993 --> 00:48:05,495
as he watches,
1136
00:48:05,528 --> 00:48:05,695
and in that instant,
1137
00:48:06,863 --> 00:48:09,365
my anger at both our
stupid cultures' ignorance
1138
00:48:09,399 --> 00:48:11,702
and precluding us from
at least openly acknowledging
1139
00:48:11,735 --> 00:48:13,237
that which is natural to us
1140
00:48:13,270 --> 00:48:13,771
was diminished,
1141
00:48:14,738 --> 00:48:17,007
and all that shame
and anger
1142
00:48:17,041 --> 00:48:21,880
overcome by bliss and pride
in us, in our people,
1143
00:48:22,213 --> 00:48:24,015
and our everlasting
overcoming,
1144
00:48:24,049 --> 00:48:25,951
and our ability to love,
to show love,
1145
00:48:25,984 --> 00:48:28,886
no matter what,
no matter where.
1146
00:48:28,919 --> 00:48:29,954
We are everywhere.
1147
00:48:30,621 --> 00:48:32,256
We are love,
1148
00:48:32,289 --> 00:48:34,192
and we shall overcome.
1149
00:48:50,876 --> 00:48:52,378
[Magaña]
When, uh, President Bush
1150
00:48:52,411 --> 00:48:54,246
landed on the ship and said
"Mission Accomplished,"
1151
00:48:55,114 --> 00:48:57,383
we were, like,
on the border of Iran/Iraq,
1152
00:48:57,416 --> 00:48:58,952
providing security,
1153
00:48:58,986 --> 00:49:01,722
and I heard, you know,
"The war's over."
1154
00:49:01,755 --> 00:49:02,322
And I was like,
"The war's over?
1155
00:49:04,224 --> 00:49:05,858
What the hell
am I doing here?"
1156
00:49:05,891 --> 00:49:08,461
[Jeff]
They started talking about
1157
00:49:08,494 --> 00:49:10,062
"Marines, don't feel bad.
1158
00:49:10,096 --> 00:49:10,429
"An important part of this war
1159
00:49:11,531 --> 00:49:13,433
"is going to be
the incredible good things
1160
00:49:13,467 --> 00:49:15,102
"we're going to do
for the Iraqis.
1161
00:49:15,135 --> 00:49:18,538
"You know, Saddam is gone,
1162
00:49:18,772 --> 00:49:20,974
"but we're gonna--
there's gonna be
1163
00:49:21,008 --> 00:49:23,444
this unparalleled
humanitarian effort."
1164
00:49:23,478 --> 00:49:26,180
So we went
to the Iranian border.
1165
00:49:26,214 --> 00:49:26,614
I started looking around
1166
00:49:27,682 --> 00:49:31,185
for the humanitarian EMREs,
you know, to hand out.
1167
00:49:31,219 --> 00:49:32,787
They didn't come.
1168
00:49:32,820 --> 00:49:34,655
Um, uh...
1169
00:49:34,689 --> 00:49:34,722
I started--You know,
1170
00:49:36,058 --> 00:49:37,860
we started feel-stripping
our MREs,
1171
00:49:37,893 --> 00:49:40,896
and I was giving the kids,
you know, our M&Ms.
1172
00:49:40,929 --> 00:49:42,296
Mister!
Mister!
1173
00:49:42,330 --> 00:49:42,797
Mister!
Mister!
Mister!
1174
00:49:49,371 --> 00:49:50,739
100.
1175
00:49:50,773 --> 00:49:50,906
[Jeff]
I started to see
1176
00:49:52,741 --> 00:49:54,977
this shift of people
1177
00:49:55,010 --> 00:49:56,378
getting more and more
irritated
1178
00:49:56,412 --> 00:49:58,147
of us being there
longer and longer.
1179
00:49:58,180 --> 00:49:58,981
On both sides,
they're ready for us
1180
00:49:59,848 --> 00:50:01,484
to go the hell out of here.
1181
00:50:01,518 --> 00:50:03,486
"Okay, Saddam gone,
Saddam bad.
1182
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:06,089
Good--America good.
Thank you. Go."
1183
00:50:08,725 --> 00:50:09,926
To watch the people
1184
00:50:09,959 --> 00:50:11,628
in the towns
where we went change
1185
00:50:11,661 --> 00:50:13,631
frightened me.
1186
00:50:13,664 --> 00:50:15,166
[Mike Karas]
In the southern Iraq,
1187
00:50:15,199 --> 00:50:18,068
a lot of people were
very supporting of Americans.
1188
00:50:18,101 --> 00:50:21,271
Uh, you know, "Ameriqui,
Ameriqui number 1,"
1189
00:50:21,304 --> 00:50:23,273
and, uh, they would
let you know,
1190
00:50:23,406 --> 00:50:25,576
like, they would yell
"Saddam!"
1191
00:50:25,609 --> 00:50:28,946
like, show you
their, you know,
the bottom of their soles.
1192
00:50:28,979 --> 00:50:31,348
Later on, when we
moved out of Babylon,
1193
00:50:31,715 --> 00:50:34,285
we went to a base
that's farther north.
1194
00:50:34,318 --> 00:50:38,190
People seemed to have gotten
a little less friendly
1195
00:50:38,223 --> 00:50:39,424
as we were driving
through towns,
1196
00:50:39,891 --> 00:50:41,827
like you would see
more of those,
1197
00:50:41,860 --> 00:50:43,795
you know,
thousand-mile stares.
1198
00:50:46,031 --> 00:50:47,432
This one kid
was running through,
1199
00:50:47,466 --> 00:50:47,532
and he was like, you know,
yelling and shaking his hands
1200
00:50:50,436 --> 00:50:52,071
like, oh,
happy to see us there,
1201
00:50:52,105 --> 00:50:53,739
and his dad actually,
like, grabbed him
1202
00:50:53,773 --> 00:50:55,407
by the back of the--
his shirt
1203
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:55,640
and, like, pulled him back
and smacked him one,
1204
00:50:58,810 --> 00:50:59,978
you know, basically
telling him,
1205
00:51:00,011 --> 00:51:01,646
like, you know,
"What are you doing?"
1206
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:03,549
and, uh, "Simmer down."
1207
00:51:03,583 --> 00:51:03,716
And, uh,
it was kind of amusing,
1208
00:51:06,085 --> 00:51:09,288
but at the same time,
we're like, "Well, that guy
doesn't like us."
1209
00:51:09,322 --> 00:51:10,490
We were used to that.
1210
00:51:10,523 --> 00:51:11,824
For the first
couple of months,
1211
00:51:11,958 --> 00:51:13,593
we were used
to people liking us,
1212
00:51:13,626 --> 00:51:16,730
and then we went to
people not liking us.
1213
00:51:17,865 --> 00:51:19,333
With regard to the locals,
1214
00:51:19,366 --> 00:51:19,900
some of the Marines
behave in ways
1215
00:51:21,034 --> 00:51:22,669
that make me proud
to be American.
1216
00:51:22,703 --> 00:51:24,938
No matter what the politics
that brought us here,
1217
00:51:24,972 --> 00:51:26,373
there's no doubt
in my mind,
1218
00:51:26,406 --> 00:51:28,009
their individual
convictions are noble.
1219
00:51:28,543 --> 00:51:31,945
To see 'em with the kids
just warms my heart.
1220
00:51:31,979 --> 00:51:34,314
Unfortunately, that's
not always the case.
1221
00:51:34,348 --> 00:51:35,849
I think some of them
1222
00:51:35,883 --> 00:51:36,116
have heard too many
stories of Vietnam,
1223
00:51:37,985 --> 00:51:40,121
and all the kids
were strapped with bombs,
1224
00:51:40,155 --> 00:51:41,856
or maybe they're
just disappointed
1225
00:51:41,890 --> 00:51:44,225
that we may have gotten here
too late to kill.
1226
00:51:44,292 --> 00:51:46,661
Heard some of them say so.
1227
00:51:46,694 --> 00:51:48,096
Some of this shit
I've heard
1228
00:51:48,129 --> 00:51:50,031
about the way those detainees
are getting treated
1229
00:51:50,064 --> 00:51:51,467
scares the shit out of me--
1230
00:51:51,500 --> 00:51:52,334
not for me, really,
but for the mission.
1231
00:51:53,469 --> 00:51:56,172
The young Iraqi fathers
are forced to stand by
1232
00:51:56,205 --> 00:51:58,407
as weapons are pointed
at their children.
1233
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:00,075
If anybody even
walked in the room
1234
00:52:00,109 --> 00:52:00,442
with one of my nieces
with a loaded gun,
1235
00:52:02,278 --> 00:52:04,181
I'd lose my mind.
You fucking kidding me?
1236
00:52:04,214 --> 00:52:06,583
We're supposed to be here
fighting a war on terror.
1237
00:52:06,616 --> 00:52:08,517
We're recruiting terrorists
is what we're doing.
1238
00:52:09,251 --> 00:52:10,653
I heard one of the cruels
1239
00:52:10,686 --> 00:52:13,856
describing his interaction
with one of the small kids.
1240
00:52:14,857 --> 00:52:16,259
I'm all up on the vehicle.
1241
00:52:16,293 --> 00:52:16,626
Yeah, this kids like,
1242
00:52:17,460 --> 00:52:19,362
"Mister, gimme candy,
gimme candy."
1243
00:52:19,396 --> 00:52:21,398
I'm all holding
a Starburst, right?
1244
00:52:21,431 --> 00:52:24,734
So I go, "Say please,
motherfucker, say please."
1245
00:52:25,602 --> 00:52:27,737
Say please?
1246
00:52:27,771 --> 00:52:31,642
For a crumb from a table
overflowing?
1247
00:52:31,676 --> 00:52:32,843
Please for a piece of candy
the Marines are sick of
1248
00:52:34,312 --> 00:52:35,713
or a scrap of an MRE
1249
00:52:35,746 --> 00:52:38,683
had probably been trampled
underfoot or burned.
1250
00:52:38,716 --> 00:52:40,351
No wonder so many hate us.
1251
00:52:40,384 --> 00:52:40,919
I hate us.
1252
00:52:42,254 --> 00:52:43,655
If I can offset
this phenomenon
1253
00:52:43,689 --> 00:52:44,956
in just a small way
1254
00:52:44,989 --> 00:52:48,426
by being a mite overgenerous
or kind or respectful,
1255
00:52:48,459 --> 00:52:49,026
then the small sacrifices
1256
00:52:49,894 --> 00:52:52,563
of my being without my cushy
Hollywood luxuries for a while
1257
00:52:52,597 --> 00:52:53,899
is more than worth it.
1258
00:52:53,932 --> 00:52:56,101
The meagerest
Christmas or birthday
1259
00:52:56,134 --> 00:52:57,102
in the life
of the poorest Marine
1260
00:52:57,803 --> 00:53:01,173
would seem a cornucopia
to any of these kids.
1261
00:53:01,206 --> 00:53:02,608
The contrition
of a hungry child
1262
00:53:02,641 --> 00:53:05,210
is something
I do not want or need.
1263
00:53:14,988 --> 00:53:16,589
I started to watch the way
1264
00:53:16,623 --> 00:53:19,026
I saw some
of the service members
1265
00:53:19,059 --> 00:53:21,361
treat the Iraqis.
1266
00:53:22,228 --> 00:53:26,766
I started to hear
some of the Marines,
1267
00:53:26,799 --> 00:53:29,435
uh, and soldiers,
uh, talk about, you know,
1268
00:53:31,572 --> 00:53:33,407
the Iraqis as they were--
1269
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:37,011
as if they were
not valuable...
1270
00:53:38,379 --> 00:53:41,582
somehow less than
in some whatever way.
1271
00:53:46,354 --> 00:53:47,422
Get down!
1272
00:53:47,455 --> 00:53:48,423
Get down!
1273
00:53:48,456 --> 00:53:49,858
Get on the ground!
Get down!
1274
00:53:49,891 --> 00:53:52,360
Hey, roof is clear.
1275
00:53:52,394 --> 00:53:53,728
What was so upsetting to me
1276
00:53:54,362 --> 00:53:56,265
about, you know,
seeing that
come from people
1277
00:53:56,299 --> 00:53:58,099
that were representing
the United States,
1278
00:53:58,133 --> 00:54:00,702
seeing that cruelty
or, you know,
1279
00:54:00,735 --> 00:54:01,803
in--in the long time
since I came back,
1280
00:54:04,272 --> 00:54:05,507
hearing other stories
1281
00:54:05,540 --> 00:54:08,144
of how people respond
in that way,
1282
00:54:08,177 --> 00:54:09,912
I--I guess it just--
1283
00:54:10,313 --> 00:54:12,381
the reason it
short-circuits me so much
1284
00:54:12,415 --> 00:54:13,883
is that it doesn't fit in
1285
00:54:13,916 --> 00:54:15,851
to my idea
about what a Marine is.
1286
00:54:25,696 --> 00:54:26,063
An Iraqi fort--
it can be 200 years old,
1287
00:54:29,199 --> 00:54:30,801
and no one can tell me.
1288
00:54:30,834 --> 00:54:33,204
I do not like it here.
1289
00:54:33,237 --> 00:54:34,171
I pray we won't sleep here,
1290
00:54:34,671 --> 00:54:37,541
but it's beginning
to look like we will.
1291
00:54:37,574 --> 00:54:40,043
The fort's
been secured for days,
1292
00:54:40,077 --> 00:54:41,712
so I strolled through
1293
00:54:41,745 --> 00:54:42,245
with my M16 and my camera.
1294
00:54:43,947 --> 00:54:46,851
All of a sudden,
I'm a fucking tourist.
1295
00:54:46,884 --> 00:54:49,320
I feel ridiculous
snapping photos,
1296
00:54:49,354 --> 00:54:50,355
but I can't not.
1297
00:54:50,555 --> 00:54:53,324
This place
turns my stomach.
1298
00:54:53,358 --> 00:54:56,127
As I stroll through
the holding cells
1299
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:57,996
in the bowels
of the building,
1300
00:54:58,030 --> 00:54:58,464
there are grates in the floor
for the draining blood,
1301
00:55:02,067 --> 00:55:03,969
and I listen across time
1302
00:55:04,002 --> 00:55:05,738
the screams
of horror and anguish
1303
00:55:05,771 --> 00:55:06,572
from those once held
prisoner here.
1304
00:55:08,407 --> 00:55:09,676
With each blink,
1305
00:55:09,709 --> 00:55:11,477
the dark inside of my lids
1306
00:55:11,510 --> 00:55:14,279
offers flash visions
of the life once lived here,
1307
00:55:14,313 --> 00:55:14,646
the odd shots of boots,
uniforms,
1308
00:55:17,549 --> 00:55:20,519
black mustaches, berets,
skinny prisoners,
1309
00:55:20,552 --> 00:55:22,756
piss, food, a dog,
weapons, blood.
1310
00:55:25,525 --> 00:55:28,828
When I try to write of it
or speak of it,
1311
00:55:28,862 --> 00:55:30,463
I choke on the reality
1312
00:55:30,497 --> 00:55:30,830
forcing its way
out my throat.
1313
00:55:31,931 --> 00:55:33,567
My heart is shoving
it out sideways.
1314
00:55:33,601 --> 00:55:35,136
My God, I can't think
1315
00:55:35,169 --> 00:55:36,804
in the shadow
of that fucking fort.
1316
00:55:36,837 --> 00:55:38,672
Why can't we
leave this place?
1317
00:55:38,706 --> 00:55:38,906
Fuck! My pen
is having problems,
1318
00:55:41,208 --> 00:55:42,343
my camera's having problems.
1319
00:55:42,376 --> 00:55:43,511
I'm having problems.
1320
00:55:43,544 --> 00:55:46,381
I need to feel the joy.
It fuels me to go on.
1321
00:55:46,415 --> 00:55:47,015
My God, why have You
forsaken me?
1322
00:55:47,982 --> 00:55:49,517
It was there
just a moment ago.
1323
00:55:49,550 --> 00:55:52,887
Ah, my writing will save me.
1324
00:56:01,630 --> 00:56:02,597
Fuck it.
1325
00:56:02,631 --> 00:56:03,231
I want no more of this.
1326
00:56:04,065 --> 00:56:05,434
I've seen enough.
1327
00:56:05,467 --> 00:56:07,302
I want to go home.
1328
00:56:09,504 --> 00:56:11,307
Destiny then whispers
to me simply "Fuck no.
1329
00:56:13,743 --> 00:56:15,945
"There's yet more
for you here
1330
00:56:15,978 --> 00:56:17,814
before you're truly ready."
1331
00:56:30,460 --> 00:56:32,328
I'd give anything
1332
00:56:32,361 --> 00:56:35,365
if I could turn back
the hands of time.
1333
00:56:35,399 --> 00:56:35,532
To do what I wanted to do
by becoming a Marine.
1334
00:56:39,169 --> 00:56:42,072
My God.
1335
00:56:42,105 --> 00:56:43,640
I was sucked into some
romanticized idea
1336
00:56:46,043 --> 00:56:48,680
about what it was.
It was so wrong.
1337
00:56:48,713 --> 00:56:51,716
Look at this country.
It's, like, destroyed now.
1338
00:56:55,687 --> 00:56:57,522
I was dead asleep--
1339
00:56:57,555 --> 00:56:59,792
very poor choice of words.
1340
00:57:00,025 --> 00:57:02,961
"Hey, Key, get up.
We're rollin', dog."
1341
00:57:02,994 --> 00:57:04,762
Fuck. Every time, I--
1342
00:57:04,796 --> 00:57:06,331
the obligatory
complaining starts
1343
00:57:06,364 --> 00:57:07,866
before I'm even awake.
1344
00:57:08,066 --> 00:57:09,701
I start to pull on my boot.
1345
00:57:09,734 --> 00:57:11,336
"Hey, hurry up, devil dog."
1346
00:57:11,369 --> 00:57:13,172
I'm coming, I'm coming.
1347
00:57:13,205 --> 00:57:15,941
"Hey, devil, you know
Marenco over at Motor T?"
1348
00:57:16,141 --> 00:57:18,310
Yeah, what about him?
1349
00:57:18,344 --> 00:57:19,912
"He's dead, bro.
1350
00:57:19,945 --> 00:57:22,114
Grab your shit. We got
to get the vehicle."
1351
00:57:28,688 --> 00:57:29,856
To the family and friends
1352
00:57:29,890 --> 00:57:31,591
of Corporal
Douglas Marenco Reyes,
1353
00:57:31,625 --> 00:57:32,125
I did not think
1354
00:57:32,859 --> 00:57:35,228
this war could not get
any more real for me,
1355
00:57:35,262 --> 00:57:36,229
but now it has.
1356
00:57:36,263 --> 00:57:37,664
As I drove to the scene,
1357
00:57:37,697 --> 00:57:39,366
my first thoughts
were of you,
1358
00:57:39,399 --> 00:57:40,200
his loved ones
back in the States,
1359
00:57:41,501 --> 00:57:44,070
and of my own family
whom I love so much.
1360
00:57:44,104 --> 00:57:46,740
Man is not afforded
the opportunity
1361
00:57:46,773 --> 00:57:48,308
to choose the way and time
of his passing,
1362
00:57:49,577 --> 00:57:51,045
but if he was,
1363
00:57:51,078 --> 00:57:52,980
what nobler way
to enter the next life
1364
00:57:53,014 --> 00:57:54,849
than in service
to those he loves,
1365
00:57:54,882 --> 00:57:56,417
or to help those
he never met.
1366
00:57:57,251 --> 00:57:59,387
When I arrived at the scene,
1367
00:57:59,420 --> 00:58:02,024
the first thing I noticed
when I turned off my engine
1368
00:58:02,057 --> 00:58:03,625
was how peaceful it was.
1369
00:58:03,659 --> 00:58:04,493
The Marines had already
made a small cross
1370
00:58:06,261 --> 00:58:08,263
and placed it
at water's edge.
1371
00:58:08,297 --> 00:58:11,033
It had a sign
with his name on it,
1372
00:58:11,066 --> 00:58:12,568
and at the foot of the cross,
1373
00:58:12,734 --> 00:58:15,237
they'd placed some
of their personal items:
1374
00:58:15,270 --> 00:58:17,172
a little Bible
opened to the 23rd Psalm
1375
00:58:17,205 --> 00:58:19,575
and held there against
the wind with stones,
1376
00:58:19,608 --> 00:58:20,676
a--a headband
soaked with sweat.
1377
00:58:22,344 --> 00:58:23,645
I wrote a note
1378
00:58:23,679 --> 00:58:26,049
and had the Marine
traveling with me to sign it.
1379
00:58:26,082 --> 00:58:28,785
Our note said, "No greater
love hath mortal man
1380
00:58:29,118 --> 00:58:31,254
than to lay down his life
for a brother."
1381
00:58:31,287 --> 00:58:33,156
I knelt to pay my respects
1382
00:58:33,189 --> 00:58:35,825
and left our note there
with the other items.
1383
00:58:35,858 --> 00:58:36,859
The truck that Douglas
was driving
1384
00:58:38,027 --> 00:58:40,898
was carrying bottles
of water for the Marines.
1385
00:58:40,931 --> 00:58:44,268
They were now scattered
about the desert floor.
1386
00:58:44,301 --> 00:58:44,935
I bent over
and picked one of 'em up.
1387
00:58:46,470 --> 00:58:50,908
It was hot to the touch
from the blistering sun.
1388
00:58:50,941 --> 00:58:52,843
I looked back
over at the little cross
1389
00:58:52,876 --> 00:58:53,043
and realized
that the water was for me,
1390
00:58:55,145 --> 00:58:58,349
so I took off the cap,
toasted him,
1391
00:58:58,382 --> 00:59:00,384
then drank it all down.
1392
00:59:00,417 --> 00:59:01,118
Under my breath,
I thanked him:
1393
00:59:02,453 --> 00:59:05,390
Gracias por el aqua,
mi hermano.
1394
00:59:05,423 --> 00:59:06,958
Semper fi.
1395
00:59:17,203 --> 00:59:17,269
We had left Dogtown,
1396
00:59:19,538 --> 00:59:22,842
which had been our only place
what ever stayed still
1397
00:59:22,875 --> 00:59:24,677
since we got to Iraq,
1398
00:59:24,710 --> 00:59:25,378
and, uh, and had moved
to Al Hillah,
1399
00:59:28,614 --> 00:59:30,850
which is, uh, Babylon,
1400
00:59:30,883 --> 00:59:33,486
and, uh, it was a trip
to be there
1401
00:59:34,453 --> 00:59:35,855
on that place
that, you know,
1402
00:59:35,888 --> 00:59:40,560
that's where I'd heard
from church all my life.
1403
00:59:40,594 --> 00:59:41,561
You have Saddam's palace
up in the hill
1404
00:59:43,597 --> 00:59:46,667
that's like a recreation
of Nebuchadnezzar's palace,
1405
00:59:46,700 --> 00:59:48,268
way up on the hill,
1406
00:59:48,301 --> 00:59:49,636
and then
an amphitheatre there.
1407
00:59:52,306 --> 00:59:53,808
From the hilltop,
1408
00:59:53,841 --> 00:59:56,711
you could see
the ruins of Babylon.
1409
00:59:56,744 --> 00:59:57,745
When Baghdad fell,
1410
00:59:58,713 --> 01:00:01,516
and the word got out
the Saddam was, you know,
1411
01:00:01,549 --> 01:00:03,583
was--had been defeated,
1412
01:00:03,617 --> 01:00:05,820
they came and stripped
1413
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:07,522
anything they could rip out,
1414
01:00:07,555 --> 01:00:10,191
like any pieces of marble
or anything anywhere they--
1415
01:00:10,224 --> 01:00:12,593
If they could get it
out of there, they had,
1416
01:00:12,627 --> 01:00:13,928
and it was--
the place was chaos.
1417
01:00:15,096 --> 01:00:17,633
[Karas]
The area we were getting
ready to set up at
1418
01:00:17,666 --> 01:00:21,937
had all these giant
cement benches,
1419
01:00:21,970 --> 01:00:22,004
and we wanted
to clear them out
1420
01:00:23,639 --> 01:00:25,374
so we can set up
our hooches.
1421
01:00:25,407 --> 01:00:28,377
And, I mean, those things
were enormous.
1422
01:00:28,410 --> 01:00:30,046
They were just so heavy.
1423
01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:30,113
It took, like, eight of us
to move one of them,
1424
01:00:33,283 --> 01:00:34,551
and at one point,
1425
01:00:34,584 --> 01:00:38,188
like, we're using
these pole--tent poles
1426
01:00:38,755 --> 01:00:40,289
to--to move 'em over,
1427
01:00:40,322 --> 01:00:43,326
and, uh, I guess Jeff,
1428
01:00:43,359 --> 01:00:46,262
uh, he took on a little
more than he could carry,
1429
01:00:46,629 --> 01:00:49,833
and, uh, he--
something snapped.
1430
01:00:49,866 --> 01:00:53,103
As we moved it, he was
feeling pains already,
1431
01:00:53,136 --> 01:00:54,338
so once
we dropped the bench,
1432
01:00:55,639 --> 01:00:58,175
he was starting to tell me
that, you know,
1433
01:00:58,209 --> 01:01:00,444
he's starting to feel
some pinch in his belly.
1434
01:01:00,478 --> 01:01:02,413
He's like, "Hey, what's
this thing poking out?"
1435
01:01:03,013 --> 01:01:04,715
and, uh,
he showed everybody,
1436
01:01:04,749 --> 01:01:06,651
and everybody had
a little poke at it.
1437
01:01:06,685 --> 01:01:08,720
It would stick out
through my abs,
1438
01:01:08,754 --> 01:01:10,155
that little piece
of my intestines,
1439
01:01:10,188 --> 01:01:10,522
but you could--
shit, you know,
1440
01:01:12,190 --> 01:01:13,592
you kind of roll it up
1441
01:01:13,625 --> 01:01:15,260
and shove it back
through the hole,
1442
01:01:15,293 --> 01:01:16,695
and it would be all right,
1443
01:01:16,728 --> 01:01:18,630
although, you know, it--
it would make your eyes water.
1444
01:01:19,131 --> 01:01:20,265
It hurt--you know,
1445
01:01:20,298 --> 01:01:22,434
it hurt bad enough
to make my eyes water.
1446
01:01:22,467 --> 01:01:23,869
And I think it was Costa
1447
01:01:23,902 --> 01:01:26,404
said, "Oh, yeah, my cousin
died from that,"
1448
01:01:26,438 --> 01:01:26,738
or some--you know,
somebody had said,
1449
01:01:28,440 --> 01:01:33,546
you know...that it could be
dangerous to have that.
1450
01:01:35,681 --> 01:01:37,083
And I got it checked out,
1451
01:01:37,116 --> 01:01:39,485
and I said, "Okay,
could I conceivably die
1452
01:01:39,519 --> 01:01:40,887
of something like this?"
1453
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:42,922
He goes, "If your chow gets
stuck out on the outside,
1454
01:01:44,725 --> 01:01:47,961
"and you can't put
that piece of your intestine
1455
01:01:47,995 --> 01:01:49,396
back through,"
1456
01:01:49,429 --> 01:01:51,031
um, um...
1457
01:01:52,199 --> 01:01:53,866
"then you'll die.
1458
01:01:53,900 --> 01:01:57,037
"Your body will become toxic,
and you'll die,"
1459
01:01:57,070 --> 01:01:59,139
um, "and you should
get it sewn up.
1460
01:02:00,774 --> 01:02:03,310
You could probably
have it done in Germany,
1461
01:02:03,343 --> 01:02:06,246
but they'll probably
want to send you on home."
1462
01:02:07,714 --> 01:02:09,684
Going back,
and I packed my gear,
1463
01:02:09,717 --> 01:02:11,219
you know,
1464
01:02:11,252 --> 01:02:13,688
and I started saying
good-bye to these Marines,
1465
01:02:13,721 --> 01:02:15,323
and, uh...and, you know,
they put my--
1466
01:02:17,692 --> 01:02:19,027
they kept my weapon.
1467
01:02:19,060 --> 01:02:20,963
I hadn't been without
that piece of metal.
1468
01:02:20,996 --> 01:02:23,365
It had been attached
to my body all the time.
1469
01:02:23,399 --> 01:02:23,432
It was the freakiest thing
not to have, you know,
1470
01:02:26,702 --> 01:02:28,671
Judy in my hand.
1471
01:02:28,704 --> 01:02:31,539
I just felt like,
at each moment, regret.
1472
01:02:33,042 --> 01:02:35,077
I wish I hadn't done this,
I wish I hadn't done this.
1473
01:02:35,110 --> 01:02:37,413
You know, I felt like I
could have just said
1474
01:02:37,446 --> 01:02:39,048
"Oh, I was just kidding,"
you know.
1475
01:02:39,081 --> 01:02:39,648
I was thinking, How can I
get out of this?
1476
01:02:41,417 --> 01:02:45,622
You know, when the helicopter
lifts it up, and we left,
1477
01:02:45,655 --> 01:02:47,757
it was--it was like
this weird, long dream.
1478
01:02:50,527 --> 01:02:52,796
[Estenzo]
He didn't want to not
finish the mission.
1479
01:02:52,829 --> 01:02:54,164
I mean, he really gone--
1480
01:02:54,197 --> 01:02:55,866
he'd grown close
to these Iraqi people,
1481
01:02:56,466 --> 01:02:58,202
and he really liked them.
1482
01:02:58,236 --> 01:03:00,605
He liked their culture,
he liked their way of life,
1483
01:03:00,638 --> 01:03:03,908
and he thought
it was very precious.
1484
01:03:05,877 --> 01:03:08,378
There wasn't anyone
that I could trust
1485
01:03:08,411 --> 01:03:12,049
in terms of emotions
and talking about things,
1486
01:03:12,516 --> 01:03:14,619
and, uh, I was somewhat
depressed about it.
1487
01:03:14,652 --> 01:03:16,053
Stuff, you know,
1488
01:03:16,087 --> 01:03:18,022
maybe somebody else
wouldn't listen to,
1489
01:03:18,055 --> 01:03:19,223
you know,
you could always
1490
01:03:19,257 --> 01:03:20,157
kind of bitch to Jeff
about it,
1491
01:03:20,925 --> 01:03:22,728
and he would, uh,
you know,
1492
01:03:22,761 --> 01:03:24,696
he would have
something, uh...
1493
01:03:24,730 --> 01:03:26,365
some kind
of pick-me-up.
1494
01:03:26,398 --> 01:03:28,100
You can't turn around
and say, "Hey,
1495
01:03:28,133 --> 01:03:28,267
I'm just not feeling
good today, man."
1496
01:03:29,801 --> 01:03:31,436
"You know, I really
miss my girl,"
1497
01:03:31,470 --> 01:03:32,871
or
"I really miss my wife,"
1498
01:03:32,905 --> 01:03:34,307
or "I really miss my mom."
1499
01:03:34,340 --> 01:03:35,475
You couldn't do that
1500
01:03:35,508 --> 01:03:36,376
with any other Marine
other than Key,
1501
01:03:38,311 --> 01:03:39,712
and, uh, when he left,
1502
01:03:39,746 --> 01:03:42,315
it was just like
there was a big void,
1503
01:03:42,348 --> 01:03:44,483
like,
"Ah, Key's gone, man."
1504
01:03:44,716 --> 01:03:47,287
They loaded us
up on these planes,
1505
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:50,490
on these little cargo net
benches down the side,
1506
01:03:50,523 --> 01:03:52,592
and then they started
bringing in these gurneys,
1507
01:03:53,626 --> 01:03:55,361
and they were--
1508
01:03:55,395 --> 01:03:56,863
They brought in
the first one,
1509
01:03:56,896 --> 01:03:59,466
and...and I thought, Wow,
1510
01:03:59,500 --> 01:04:00,701
something big
happened to this guy.
1511
01:04:00,935 --> 01:04:02,736
That's kind of--It was weird.
1512
01:04:02,770 --> 01:04:05,005
And another and another,
1513
01:04:05,039 --> 01:04:06,840
and they...
1514
01:04:06,874 --> 01:04:08,776
then they started, like,
hooking them together,
1515
01:04:09,843 --> 01:04:12,113
and they were four deep
on both sides
1516
01:04:12,147 --> 01:04:16,851
with people with very
serious war injuries.
1517
01:04:17,085 --> 01:04:19,987
And in that moment,
as they pull--
1518
01:04:20,020 --> 01:04:23,357
you know, continued
to fill this airplane
1519
01:04:23,390 --> 01:04:24,960
with people who were
being injured
1520
01:04:25,827 --> 01:04:29,864
to a growing resistance
to American occupation,
1521
01:04:29,898 --> 01:04:32,534
it was my first wake-up call
1522
01:04:32,567 --> 01:04:33,034
that the war
was not nearly as over
1523
01:04:34,502 --> 01:04:36,005
as I thought it was,
1524
01:04:36,038 --> 01:04:37,506
and the--you know, the--
1525
01:04:37,540 --> 01:04:41,143
the feeling of panic
that ran through me
1526
01:04:41,210 --> 01:04:43,479
because, you know,
then I really knew,
1527
01:04:43,512 --> 01:04:46,949
What if all my guys
get into this shit
1528
01:04:46,983 --> 01:04:49,252
and I'm freakin' on my way
to sunny America right now?
1529
01:04:51,521 --> 01:04:54,257
And, uh, I mean,
if I could have walked
1530
01:04:54,291 --> 01:04:55,692
back to Babylon
at that point,
1531
01:04:55,726 --> 01:04:57,360
I would have.
1532
01:05:09,573 --> 01:05:13,277
[Judy]
I thought in my naiveté
1533
01:05:13,311 --> 01:05:13,578
that everything
would be okay
1534
01:05:15,013 --> 01:05:16,681
once he got home.
1535
01:05:18,783 --> 01:05:20,651
But it wasn't.
1536
01:05:20,685 --> 01:05:21,686
It wasn't at all.
1537
01:05:23,121 --> 01:05:25,089
There was a sadness
in Jeff,
1538
01:05:25,123 --> 01:05:27,326
just a deep, deep
sadness.
1539
01:05:27,359 --> 01:05:29,228
His overall health
wasn't as good
1540
01:05:29,261 --> 01:05:29,795
as, uh, as it was
when he left,
1541
01:05:32,031 --> 01:05:34,632
and, uh,
that's physically,
1542
01:05:34,665 --> 01:05:37,903
and then just, uh,
I think mentally, um...
1543
01:05:39,571 --> 01:05:42,708
uh...war is just a...
1544
01:05:42,741 --> 01:05:45,744
you know, it's a--
it's a horrible thing.
1545
01:05:45,778 --> 01:05:45,978
[Jeff]
I drank coffee
1546
01:05:48,714 --> 01:05:52,852
and smoked cigarettes
almost continuously.
1547
01:05:52,886 --> 01:05:54,054
Um, and I would go--
1548
01:05:54,487 --> 01:05:57,891
I was not comfortable
in one place for very long.
1549
01:05:57,924 --> 01:06:00,393
I would go from...you know,
1550
01:06:00,427 --> 01:06:02,129
like, leave one coffee house
to go to another,
1551
01:06:02,963 --> 01:06:06,667
and, uh, and everybody
wanted to see me, you know,
1552
01:06:06,700 --> 01:06:09,537
that had--all my friends,
1553
01:06:09,570 --> 01:06:10,203
and then it was like, uh...
1554
01:06:11,971 --> 01:06:14,708
I didn't really...
1555
01:06:14,742 --> 01:06:17,645
I didn't really want
to talk about the war
1556
01:06:17,678 --> 01:06:18,312
and, you know, so that's
what people want to talk about
1557
01:06:21,048 --> 01:06:24,285
when you come back
freshly from one.
1558
01:06:24,318 --> 01:06:26,387
And, uh...I would go,
you know, to the internet
1559
01:06:27,556 --> 01:06:30,392
and try to find
news of Marines
1560
01:06:30,425 --> 01:06:33,595
from different points
in my Marine Corps career,
1561
01:06:33,628 --> 01:06:34,496
and just regret
that I had left.
1562
01:06:35,831 --> 01:06:38,366
When Jeff came back
and we met for coffee,
1563
01:06:38,400 --> 01:06:41,270
I remember walking
into the coffee shop,
1564
01:06:41,304 --> 01:06:42,605
and the first thing
I noticed is,
1565
01:06:43,339 --> 01:06:44,941
he's--he was thinner.
1566
01:06:44,974 --> 01:06:46,308
Uh...
1567
01:06:46,341 --> 01:06:49,811
and the sparkle was
different in his eye.
1568
01:06:49,845 --> 01:06:50,712
It was less,
and it was...sharper.
1569
01:07:02,158 --> 01:07:04,862
When people asked me
about the war,
1570
01:07:04,895 --> 01:07:06,864
I said, "well, the thing
that I did in Iraq was,
1571
01:07:07,798 --> 01:07:09,700
"I read my journals
to my fellow Marines,
1572
01:07:09,733 --> 01:07:11,135
"and if you want to know
1573
01:07:11,168 --> 01:07:12,803
"what it was like
for me there,
1574
01:07:12,836 --> 01:07:14,238
"I'll read
my journals to you.
1575
01:07:14,271 --> 01:07:14,972
I'll read you a couple of
entries from my journals."
1576
01:07:19,711 --> 01:07:21,813
It was very moving.
1577
01:07:21,846 --> 01:07:23,046
I mean, I remember,
like, all of us
1578
01:07:23,780 --> 01:07:24,915
sort of
sitting there
1579
01:07:24,948 --> 01:07:26,116
and, like,
trying to, like,
1580
01:07:26,150 --> 01:07:27,284
keep the tears back.
1581
01:07:27,317 --> 01:07:28,486
They're streaming
down his face.
1582
01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:30,155
But also
just so beautiful,
1583
01:07:30,188 --> 01:07:31,156
like what he saw,
1584
01:07:32,223 --> 01:07:34,092
and some
of the stories
1585
01:07:34,125 --> 01:07:35,293
that he was telling,
1586
01:07:35,326 --> 01:07:37,695
but also
there was a lot of,
like, heartbreak
1587
01:07:37,729 --> 01:07:39,164
in that story,
1588
01:07:39,197 --> 01:07:39,230
like his heart broke
in Iraq.
1589
01:07:41,133 --> 01:07:43,068
I was amazed
when I got back,
1590
01:07:43,102 --> 01:07:45,971
and they--and people
were going, "Oh, yeah.
1591
01:07:46,005 --> 01:07:47,339
There were no weapons."
1592
01:07:47,506 --> 01:07:49,275
You know,
we didn't know that.
1593
01:07:49,308 --> 01:07:51,977
I mean, to--my guys
were still over there
looking for 'em.
1594
01:07:54,314 --> 01:07:55,448
Saddam Hussein's regime
had to be a threat
1595
01:07:57,651 --> 01:07:59,818
to our national security.
1596
01:07:59,852 --> 01:08:02,888
That's the only reason
you should ever, uh, uh,
1597
01:08:02,922 --> 01:08:03,522
expend the lives of those
1598
01:08:04,690 --> 01:08:08,228
who have, uh, offered
to give them freely
for their nation.
1599
01:08:10,430 --> 01:08:11,631
For me to find out,
when I came back,
1600
01:08:12,599 --> 01:08:14,801
that this was common
knowledge, you know,
1601
01:08:14,834 --> 01:08:16,002
that there were no weapons,
1602
01:08:16,036 --> 01:08:18,439
and then we hadn't said,
"Well," you know,
1603
01:08:18,472 --> 01:08:19,707
"if not"--I mean, to hold
those people responsible
1604
01:08:21,876 --> 01:08:23,778
who had lied to us
in that moment
1605
01:08:23,811 --> 01:08:25,446
and get our troops
out of there
1606
01:08:25,479 --> 01:08:26,614
and help the Iraqis,
1607
01:08:26,647 --> 01:08:27,815
but, see,
it already had crumbled.
1608
01:08:29,150 --> 01:08:31,954
We had already not,
you know,
1609
01:08:31,987 --> 01:08:34,056
we were already
fueling the insurgency
1610
01:08:34,089 --> 01:08:35,324
by all the things--
1611
01:08:35,357 --> 01:08:35,924
by the way the war
was being orchestrated.
1612
01:08:40,027 --> 01:08:42,497
The more stories I heard
1613
01:08:42,531 --> 01:08:43,966
about service members
1614
01:08:43,999 --> 01:08:44,032
who were coming home
in such bad shape,
1615
01:08:46,835 --> 01:08:48,737
my commitment to them
1616
01:08:48,770 --> 01:08:50,539
for all
that they have given me,
1617
01:08:50,572 --> 01:08:52,140
separate, even, from the--
from what every Marine gets
1618
01:08:54,610 --> 01:08:56,980
by the privilege, the honor
of being called a Marine,
1619
01:08:57,013 --> 01:09:00,216
but what a smaller group
of men had given me
1620
01:09:00,817 --> 01:09:02,719
in the way
of their trust of me
1621
01:09:02,752 --> 01:09:05,288
and their willingness
to fight alongside me
1622
01:09:05,321 --> 01:09:07,291
and to be invested
in my well-being
1623
01:09:07,324 --> 01:09:08,325
and to be all the things
they were for me,
1624
01:09:09,727 --> 01:09:13,863
the idea that somebody
would squander their life
1625
01:09:13,896 --> 01:09:16,299
was so unacceptable to me,
1626
01:09:16,332 --> 01:09:16,432
I knew I had to do something.
1627
01:09:18,334 --> 01:09:20,771
I prayed for an answer,
1628
01:09:20,804 --> 01:09:23,641
and the answer came,
as it always does,
almost immediately,
1629
01:09:23,674 --> 01:09:24,541
and it was to tell the truth,
1630
01:09:26,110 --> 01:09:27,911
you know,
just to start talking
1631
01:09:27,945 --> 01:09:30,848
and...and tell my story.
1632
01:09:34,085 --> 01:09:35,620
Dear Sir,
1633
01:09:35,654 --> 01:09:37,455
This is the most
difficult letter
1634
01:09:37,489 --> 01:09:38,990
I've ever had to write.
1635
01:09:39,024 --> 01:09:40,392
However, I must be true
1636
01:09:40,425 --> 01:09:40,692
to the dictates
of my own conscience.
1637
01:09:42,627 --> 01:09:45,264
It breaks my heart
to know that, to be true
1638
01:09:45,298 --> 01:09:48,134
to the reasons I joined
the Marine Corps
in the first place,
1639
01:09:48,167 --> 01:09:48,801
I must now leave
the military.
1640
01:09:49,801 --> 01:09:51,703
He knew that they
were gonna ask him
1641
01:09:51,736 --> 01:09:52,971
to, you know, step out.
1642
01:09:53,004 --> 01:09:56,374
You know, he basically
told, you know,
1643
01:09:56,409 --> 01:09:56,876
the "Don't ask, don't tell,"
he told,
1644
01:09:58,311 --> 01:10:01,280
and--and I--
I loved him for that.
1645
01:10:01,314 --> 01:10:04,650
Jeff is more of a hero
to me right now
1646
01:10:04,684 --> 01:10:04,984
than he was
when he left.
1647
01:10:06,319 --> 01:10:09,022
To go back into the closet
1648
01:10:09,056 --> 01:10:10,691
and start the deception
all over again
1649
01:10:10,724 --> 01:10:12,259
almost 20 years later
1650
01:10:12,292 --> 01:10:13,093
seemed counter to all
that I believe is right.
1651
01:10:14,961 --> 01:10:16,730
However, an intense desire
1652
01:10:16,763 --> 01:10:18,832
to protect this nation
and our people
1653
01:10:18,865 --> 01:10:20,767
caused me to go along
with the policy
1654
01:10:20,801 --> 01:10:21,169
that seems archaic
to any thinking person,
1655
01:10:23,304 --> 01:10:24,972
just to be allowed to serve.
1656
01:10:25,006 --> 01:10:27,908
The fact that he is--
1657
01:10:27,941 --> 01:10:29,242
is, uh, willing
to take a bullet for you
1658
01:10:31,545 --> 01:10:33,013
is more important
than the fact
1659
01:10:33,046 --> 01:10:35,183
that he chooses to have
a relationship
1660
01:10:35,216 --> 01:10:37,185
with somebody
of the same sex.
1661
01:10:37,218 --> 01:10:37,318
Uh, out there, all that stuff
goes out the window:
1662
01:10:40,121 --> 01:10:41,856
I mean, color of skin,
1663
01:10:41,889 --> 01:10:43,958
you know,
size of your bank account,
1664
01:10:43,991 --> 01:10:45,426
sexual orientation.
It doesn't matter.
1665
01:10:46,362 --> 01:10:48,764
The fact that everybody
is looking out for one another
1666
01:10:48,797 --> 01:10:50,099
is the bottom line.
1667
01:10:50,132 --> 01:10:52,501
On the 6th of June
in the year 2000,
1668
01:10:52,534 --> 01:10:53,535
on the 56th anniversary
of D Day,
1669
01:10:55,471 --> 01:10:56,705
I stood in a room
1670
01:10:56,739 --> 01:10:58,875
full of recruits
young enough to be my sons,
1671
01:10:58,908 --> 01:11:00,310
and we raised our right hand
1672
01:11:00,343 --> 01:11:01,644
and took an oath
to defend this nation
1673
01:11:02,278 --> 01:11:04,313
with our very lives
if necessary.
1674
01:11:04,346 --> 01:11:06,115
I didn't take that oath
lightly.
1675
01:11:08,117 --> 01:11:09,752
[Estenzo]
He fits the persona
1676
01:11:10,085 --> 01:11:11,688
of what a Marine
should be,
1677
01:11:11,721 --> 01:11:13,623
and he made sure
that he did things
1678
01:11:13,656 --> 01:11:15,859
110% at all times,
1679
01:11:15,892 --> 01:11:17,160
and because of that,
1680
01:11:17,193 --> 01:11:17,861
a lot of people looked up
to him and admired him.
1681
01:11:24,135 --> 01:11:25,536
Here are the reasons
I gave.
1682
01:11:25,569 --> 01:11:25,936
They're more important
to me today
1683
01:11:26,837 --> 01:11:29,507
than when I first walked
into that office.
1684
01:11:29,540 --> 01:11:30,674
Number 1,
1685
01:11:30,708 --> 01:11:31,942
to support and defend
1686
01:11:31,976 --> 01:11:34,011
the constitution
of the United States
1687
01:11:34,044 --> 01:11:36,047
against all enemies
foreign and domestic.
1688
01:11:36,081 --> 01:11:38,817
There are others,
but those are
the ones that,
1689
01:11:38,850 --> 01:11:40,785
when the going
got tough in boot camp,
1690
01:11:40,818 --> 01:11:42,086
or later on in Iraq,
1691
01:11:42,153 --> 01:11:45,423
are to remind myself of
and continue on.
1692
01:11:45,456 --> 01:11:47,659
That may sound idealistic
1693
01:11:47,692 --> 01:11:49,361
and naively patriotic
to some...
1694
01:11:49,394 --> 01:11:50,162
...what I have to say.
1695
01:11:50,629 --> 01:11:52,998
If that's the way
it must be, so be it.
1696
01:11:53,031 --> 01:11:54,566
If I'm the last man standing,
1697
01:11:54,599 --> 01:11:57,202
I will fight for what is right
with all my strength
1698
01:11:57,235 --> 01:11:58,270
and until my last breath.
1699
01:11:58,703 --> 01:12:01,174
I'm a United States Marine.
1700
01:12:01,207 --> 01:12:03,743
I will die a Marine.
1701
01:12:04,877 --> 01:12:06,379
There are those who will
not call me brother,
1702
01:12:07,046 --> 01:12:08,948
now that they know
who I really am.
1703
01:12:08,981 --> 01:12:11,317
I'd still stand
between them and a bullet.
1704
01:12:11,350 --> 01:12:12,786
I love the Marine Corps.
1705
01:12:12,820 --> 01:12:14,488
I understand
that my unwillingness
1706
01:12:14,955 --> 01:12:16,355
to keep my sexuality a secret
1707
01:12:16,389 --> 01:12:18,958
will now necessitate
my separation from the Corps.
1708
01:12:18,991 --> 01:12:21,060
I'm greatly saddened
by this fact,
1709
01:12:21,093 --> 01:12:22,595
but at the same time
proud to be standing
1710
01:12:24,431 --> 01:12:27,434
true to those core values
so deeply ingrained:
1711
01:12:27,468 --> 01:12:30,704
honor, courage, commitment.
1712
01:12:31,738 --> 01:12:34,274
God bless 4th LAR.
1713
01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:35,876
God bless my Marine Corps,
1714
01:12:35,909 --> 01:12:37,946
and God bless America.
1715
01:12:54,095 --> 01:12:54,929
[playing Marine Hymn]
1716
01:13:11,380 --> 01:13:13,984
Hey, devil dog,
you're supposed to be
standing at attention.
1717
01:16:13,138 --> 01:16:16,141
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