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1
00:00:03,867 --> 00:00:05,085
- Good morning, sir.
- Morning.
2
00:00:05,086 --> 00:00:07,021
- Good morning, Mr. Mayor.
- Hello.
3
00:00:07,414 --> 00:00:09,326
- Good to see you, mayor.
- Morning.
4
00:00:09,351 --> 00:00:10,990
Good morning. Morning.
5
00:00:11,032 --> 00:00:12,136
Morning.
6
00:00:14,296 --> 00:00:16,297
You do realize I'm lost, right?
7
00:00:16,322 --> 00:00:19,653
- Oh, uh, it's this way, sir.
- Morning.
8
00:00:19,724 --> 00:00:21,558
Sir, I know you said no
to the teleprompter,
9
00:00:21,592 --> 00:00:23,593
but just remember
to emphasize job creation,
10
00:00:23,628 --> 00:00:25,395
and please don't try
to speak Spanish again.
11
00:00:25,429 --> 00:00:27,864
It's not my fault
pero means "dog" and "but."
12
00:00:27,899 --> 00:00:29,132
That's just goofy.
13
00:00:29,167 --> 00:00:30,734
You might wanna let me
hold your watch, sir.
14
00:00:30,768 --> 00:00:32,636
An Audemars Piguet
might be perceived as elitist.
15
00:00:32,670 --> 00:00:35,338
When exactly did elite
become a bad word, Tommy?
16
00:00:35,373 --> 00:00:37,507
2001, Perry Ellis
introduces Elite cologne.
17
00:00:37,542 --> 00:00:40,076
Base notes of tonka bean
and oakmoss... who is that for?
18
00:00:40,111 --> 00:00:41,883
- Ah.
- Excuse me, Mr. Bremer?
19
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,714
Hi, I'm Jayden Kwapis, Interim
Director of Communications.
20
00:00:44,749 --> 00:00:47,184
You're hand's very... warm, Jayden.
21
00:00:47,218 --> 00:00:49,519
Yes, I was holding a French bread pizza.
22
00:00:49,554 --> 00:00:51,388
- Okay.
- Are you ready, sir?
23
00:00:51,422 --> 00:00:54,558
What if I say no?
24
00:00:54,592 --> 00:00:56,259
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!
25
00:00:56,294 --> 00:00:57,427
Mr. Mayor.
26
00:00:57,461 --> 00:00:59,196
Can you believe this?
27
00:01:06,159 --> 00:01:08,996
Well, hey, I never thought
I'd be standing here.
28
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,007
And I know you didn't, Rick.
29
00:01:14,212 --> 00:01:16,241
I'm not a politician.
30
00:01:16,297 --> 00:01:18,765
This time last year,
I was happily retired,
31
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:23,236
putting, exercising, and never
using my outdoor kitchen.
32
00:01:23,271 --> 00:01:25,739
I was quarantining before it was cool.
33
00:01:25,773 --> 00:01:27,040
Heigh-ho!
34
00:01:27,075 --> 00:01:28,341
Uh, too soon, maybe.
35
00:01:28,376 --> 00:01:30,877
But I love this city.
36
00:01:30,912 --> 00:01:32,679
Like so many Angelenos,
37
00:01:32,714 --> 00:01:35,315
I chose LA as my home.
38
00:01:35,349 --> 00:01:39,019
In 1976, I followed
a girlfriend out here.
39
00:01:39,053 --> 00:01:40,887
Classic California story.
40
00:01:40,922 --> 00:01:44,257
She wanted to be an actress,
but hey, she didn't make it.
41
00:01:44,292 --> 00:01:46,059
She was killed by the Night Stalker.
42
00:01:46,094 --> 00:01:47,894
But in my attempts to find her,
43
00:01:47,929 --> 00:01:51,898
I stumbled into the
outdoor advertising business.
44
00:01:51,933 --> 00:01:53,600
Billboards.
45
00:01:53,634 --> 00:01:56,470
For 20 years, I gave you
something to dream about
46
00:01:56,504 --> 00:01:58,872
while you were stuck on La Brea.
47
00:01:58,906 --> 00:02:01,541
Scientology, Angeline,
48
00:02:01,576 --> 00:02:03,877
for your consideration, "Nurse Jackie."
49
00:02:07,115 --> 00:02:10,383
But now, I'm unretired
50
00:02:10,418 --> 00:02:13,053
because my city needed me.
51
00:02:13,087 --> 00:02:15,655
We're all grateful
to former Mayor Delgado.
52
00:02:15,690 --> 00:02:19,893
He served this city valiantly
through an unprecedented time.
53
00:02:19,927 --> 00:02:22,162
The lightning strikes
may have caused the earthquake,
54
00:02:22,196 --> 00:02:23,930
which has shut down
a number of testing centers.
55
00:02:23,965 --> 00:02:26,533
Now, we learned overnight
that the app we've been using
56
00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:28,635
for distance learning is malware
57
00:02:28,669 --> 00:02:30,737
and might be filming your kids
on the toilet...
58
00:02:30,772 --> 00:02:33,106
Sir, we just found out that
the murder hornets are back,
59
00:02:33,141 --> 00:02:34,508
and it turns out, they are not hornets.
60
00:02:34,542 --> 00:02:36,209
They are tiny North Korean fighter jets.
61
00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:40,247
I'm out!
62
00:02:40,281 --> 00:02:42,949
2020, you broke me!
63
00:02:42,984 --> 00:02:45,318
Y'all know the rest. Delgado retired,
64
00:02:45,353 --> 00:02:47,120
Dolly Parton
bought everyone the vaccine,
65
00:02:47,155 --> 00:02:48,955
they called a special election,
and I jumped in.
66
00:02:48,990 --> 00:02:51,191
You wanna know why I jumped in?
67
00:02:51,225 --> 00:02:53,960
Because that day, the mayor quit.
68
00:02:53,995 --> 00:02:56,963
And he was later found climbing
one of my billboards.
69
00:02:56,998 --> 00:02:58,131
Remember that? Yeah.
70
00:02:58,166 --> 00:03:00,167
And the billboard said,
71
00:03:00,201 --> 00:03:02,836
"Bremer: Available Now."
72
00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:04,171
And you know what?
73
00:03:04,205 --> 00:03:08,241
I thought to myself,
"That sign is a sign."
74
00:03:08,276 --> 00:03:09,543
All right, questions. Anyone?
75
00:03:09,577 --> 00:03:10,744
Over here. Yeah?
76
00:03:10,778 --> 00:03:12,119
When will you be making appointments?
77
00:03:12,144 --> 00:03:13,518
You haven't named a single deputy mayor.
78
00:03:13,543 --> 00:03:14,596
And I don't want any.
79
00:03:14,621 --> 00:03:17,049
Like my daughter used to say
about wiping her tushy,
80
00:03:17,074 --> 00:03:18,518
"No! Me do it."
81
00:03:18,553 --> 00:03:20,120
No deputy mayors.
82
00:03:20,154 --> 00:03:24,791
Look, I know that this city
has big, big issues facing it.
83
00:03:24,826 --> 00:03:26,993
That's why today, I wanna start
with something small
84
00:03:27,028 --> 00:03:28,361
we can all agree on.
85
00:03:28,396 --> 00:03:30,730
I wanna ban something...
86
00:03:30,765 --> 00:03:32,232
that sucks.
87
00:03:32,266 --> 00:03:33,533
Guess what it is?
88
00:03:33,568 --> 00:03:35,368
Oh, my God, I can't believe he won.
89
00:03:35,403 --> 00:03:36,937
I can't believe I did this.
90
00:03:36,971 --> 00:03:39,139
Is it bigger than a doll?
91
00:03:39,173 --> 00:03:41,007
Biracial Twitter's gonna come for me.
92
00:03:41,042 --> 00:03:42,475
What are you talking about?
93
00:03:42,510 --> 00:03:44,544
I made that old, white man
seem cogent and cool.
94
00:03:44,579 --> 00:03:46,446
I got him to advertise in dispensaries.
95
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:48,615
I got his cardboard cutout
seated next to Kendall Jenner
96
00:03:48,649 --> 00:03:49,983
at the NBA Finals.
97
00:03:50,017 --> 00:03:52,285
I got him that toy phone, and
told him he was tweeting on it.
98
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:53,520
Okay, is this an anxiety attack,
99
00:03:53,554 --> 00:03:55,255
- or are you just bragging?
- It's both!
100
00:03:55,289 --> 00:03:58,225
Because of me, he won 68% of the vote.
101
00:03:58,259 --> 00:04:00,727
He won 68% of the 8%
of people who voted,
102
00:04:00,761 --> 00:04:02,796
which, by the way, never tell him.
103
00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:05,265
- What matters is that he's in!
- But he's not qualified.
104
00:04:05,299 --> 00:04:07,467
He thinks Santa Monica
is part of Los Angeles.
105
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:09,636
- So he's not perfect.
- Perfect?
106
00:04:09,670 --> 00:04:12,606
Tommy, that toy phone
makes farm animal sounds.
107
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,040
Remember, election is not marriage.
108
00:04:14,075 --> 00:04:15,475
You're not trying to find "the one."
109
00:04:15,509 --> 00:04:17,210
It's like dating.
It's not going to be perfect.
110
00:04:17,245 --> 00:04:18,812
Or fun, or good, or fulfilling,
111
00:04:18,846 --> 00:04:20,814
but you do it so your mom
can brag at church.
112
00:04:20,848 --> 00:04:21,681
Okay, I took this job
113
00:04:21,716 --> 00:04:23,750
as a short, high-paying PR challenge.
114
00:04:23,784 --> 00:04:26,920
Now, we won, and I'm
supposed to just, what?
115
00:04:26,954 --> 00:04:28,421
Work for the city?
116
00:04:28,456 --> 00:04:30,557
That's not content
my followers wanna see.
117
00:04:30,591 --> 00:04:31,725
Well, bail if you want to.
118
00:04:31,759 --> 00:04:34,261
I am excited about being
a part of this administration.
119
00:04:34,295 --> 00:04:36,897
Really, you're telling me you're all-in?
120
00:04:36,931 --> 00:04:38,498
- On this guy?
- No.
121
00:04:38,532 --> 00:04:40,934
I'm very open to the idea
of a robot police force.
122
00:04:40,968 --> 00:04:42,068
Thank you for reminding me.
123
00:04:42,103 --> 00:04:45,272
I think he's a charismatic,
open-minded independent.
124
00:04:45,306 --> 00:04:46,573
So if you can't get on board,
125
00:04:46,607 --> 00:04:47,807
then you should get the hell
out of my bed.
126
00:04:47,842 --> 00:04:50,844
Ew, "West Wing," have a seat.
I haven't decided yet.
127
00:04:50,878 --> 00:04:53,280
But if I do stay,
128
00:04:53,314 --> 00:04:55,916
we have to figure out a plan
for that guy.
129
00:04:55,950 --> 00:04:57,083
Who? Jayden?
130
00:04:57,118 --> 00:04:58,618
He's a holdover. We can fire him.
131
00:04:58,653 --> 00:05:01,554
That's gonna change
with my administration.
132
00:05:01,589 --> 00:05:02,789
Yeah, anyone else? Anybody?
133
00:05:02,823 --> 00:05:04,791
Or do we keep him?
134
00:05:04,825 --> 00:05:07,827
Whenever it's time
to throw someone under a bus,
135
00:05:07,862 --> 00:05:09,496
he could be our bus meat.
136
00:05:09,530 --> 00:05:11,631
Everyone who works for this great city
137
00:05:11,666 --> 00:05:14,100
is essential and productive.
138
00:05:14,135 --> 00:05:15,802
That's all I ask of my team.
139
00:05:15,836 --> 00:05:18,638
And it's the very least
that the people of Los Angeles
140
00:05:18,673 --> 00:05:20,507
should expect from this office.
141
00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:22,409
- Come on.
- He really is something.
142
00:05:22,443 --> 00:05:23,944
I'll make sure his desk is near ours.
143
00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:25,378
Phone, remind me to...
144
00:05:25,405 --> 00:05:27,472
Topple the patriarchy!
145
00:05:29,917 --> 00:05:32,986
Believe me, no one here
is more disappointed
146
00:05:33,020 --> 00:05:36,122
in the outcome of our recent
mayoral election than me.
147
00:05:36,157 --> 00:05:37,490
Than I!
148
00:05:37,525 --> 00:05:40,427
When I am elected
sophomore class president,
149
00:05:40,461 --> 00:05:44,130
I will ban all plastic straws
from school property,
150
00:05:44,165 --> 00:05:47,334
not just because they choke
sea turtles and jellyfish...
151
00:05:47,368 --> 00:05:50,603
- In Latin, cnidaria.
- Cnidaria.
152
00:05:50,638 --> 00:05:52,405
But because drinking through a straw
153
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,541
is a phallic lie.
154
00:05:54,575 --> 00:05:58,011
Girls have mouths, and
it's time for us to use them!
155
00:06:00,538 --> 00:06:03,246
In ora puellae!
156
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,684
Thank you, Orly.
157
00:06:04,685 --> 00:06:06,853
Now, as a transitional device,
158
00:06:06,887 --> 00:06:09,956
I will play a brief phrase
on my alto recorder.
159
00:06:16,130 --> 00:06:17,397
Wonderful.
160
00:06:17,431 --> 00:06:19,065
Our next student council nominee,
161
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:23,958
please welcome Veda Chung
von Medici-Ito Simmons.
162
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,668
Um, before I begin, I just received,
163
00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:32,379
like, a bonkers news alert on my phone.
164
00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:34,381
Veda, statements go down at the end.
165
00:06:34,415 --> 00:06:37,617
"A bonkers news alert on my phone-uh."
166
00:06:37,651 --> 00:06:39,719
Orly's idea may not be as progressive
167
00:06:39,754 --> 00:06:42,822
as she wants us to think
because the literal mayor
168
00:06:42,857 --> 00:06:43,857
literally just said
169
00:06:43,891 --> 00:06:47,727
that he's doing
a citywide plastic straw ban.
170
00:06:47,762 --> 00:06:49,696
- What?
- See for yourself.
171
00:06:49,730 --> 00:06:51,598
Less waste for local businesses.
172
00:06:51,632 --> 00:06:53,566
And it's the right thing to do
for our turtle friends.
173
00:06:53,601 --> 00:06:54,868
It's a no-brainer. Yeah?
174
00:06:54,902 --> 00:06:56,403
But how will we drink iced coffee?
175
00:06:56,437 --> 00:06:57,971
Make popsicles.
176
00:06:58,005 --> 00:07:00,373
- How will people do cocaine?
- Don't do cocaine.
177
00:07:00,408 --> 00:07:01,808
You'll go broke,
and you'll get the runs.
178
00:07:01,842 --> 00:07:04,577
God bless you!
And God bless Los Angeles!
179
00:07:06,447 --> 00:07:08,481
My God, Daddy! How could you do this?
180
00:07:08,516 --> 00:07:10,717
- The straw ban is my thing!
- Because...
181
00:07:10,751 --> 00:07:12,786
Because I care about things
that you care...
182
00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:16,856
Remember, I cared about
Pokémon when you loved Pokémon.
183
00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:18,058
Dad, how could you do this to me?
184
00:07:18,092 --> 00:07:21,761
I mean, everything thinks
I copied your straw ban idea.
185
00:07:21,796 --> 00:07:23,730
- You have to take yours back.
- I can't do that.
186
00:07:23,764 --> 00:07:25,665
- Do you know what Veda said?
- Who's Veda?
187
00:07:25,699 --> 00:07:27,600
She said that the straw ban
was exactly the kind
188
00:07:27,635 --> 00:07:29,602
of frivolous thing she would expect
189
00:07:29,637 --> 00:07:31,838
from a rich, white man's daughter.
190
00:07:31,872 --> 00:07:33,673
- Okay.
- She called us rich!
191
00:07:33,707 --> 00:07:35,842
No, I'm rich. You're my plus-one.
192
00:07:35,876 --> 00:07:38,778
Look, you tell Veda that
I was born in a walk-up
193
00:07:38,813 --> 00:07:40,180
in Crown Heights.
194
00:07:40,214 --> 00:07:42,949
I slept in one bed
with both my grandfathers.
195
00:07:42,983 --> 00:07:45,718
And one of them had something
called erotic dementia.
196
00:07:45,753 --> 00:07:48,421
I hate that story,
and I hate that you're mayor.
197
00:07:48,456 --> 00:07:49,823
And I hate that we had to move
198
00:07:49,857 --> 00:07:52,492
into this gross, old mayor house!
199
00:07:52,526 --> 00:07:54,260
You think I like this house?
200
00:07:54,295 --> 00:07:56,196
I can't figure out the AC.
201
00:07:56,230 --> 00:07:58,064
All my cigars are going bad.
202
00:08:01,302 --> 00:08:02,692
Oh! My watches.
203
00:08:03,312 --> 00:08:04,897
Hey, turn on the TV...
204
00:08:04,967 --> 00:08:06,360
Jeez, you guys look nice.
205
00:08:06,429 --> 00:08:08,764
A couple of ventriloquist dummies.
206
00:08:08,798 --> 00:08:10,744
Anyway, there's this thing on TV.
207
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,334
I just thought you should check it out.
208
00:08:12,368 --> 00:08:13,517
It seems urgent.
209
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,971
And I wanna say that
this plastic straw ban
210
00:08:16,005 --> 00:08:18,040
is an affront to our entire community.
211
00:08:18,074 --> 00:08:19,775
- And I will never allow it.
- What?
212
00:08:19,809 --> 00:08:21,476
Who is this? I hate her haircut.
213
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:24,170
That's Arpi Meskimen,
District 13 Councilwoman.
214
00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:26,248
She represents East Hollywood,
Little Bangladesh,
215
00:08:26,282 --> 00:08:28,116
and the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.
216
00:08:28,151 --> 00:08:29,518
But she's super liberal.
217
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,453
Why would she be against the straw ban?
218
00:08:31,487 --> 00:08:33,555
A ban on bendable plastic straws
219
00:08:33,589 --> 00:08:35,957
is blatant discrimination
against quadriplegics
220
00:08:35,992 --> 00:08:38,760
or any Angeleno with
limited use of their hands.
221
00:08:38,795 --> 00:08:40,295
- Oh.
- It's an outrage.
222
00:08:40,329 --> 00:08:42,931
They call themselves
quaddies, or chairdogs.
223
00:08:42,965 --> 00:08:44,132
No, we don't.
224
00:08:44,167 --> 00:08:46,535
Oh! I'm sorry.
225
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,804
My nephew must have been pranking me.
226
00:08:48,838 --> 00:08:51,239
Mayor Bremer,
227
00:08:51,274 --> 00:08:53,709
memorize this face.
228
00:08:53,743 --> 00:08:56,812
Zoom in on me.
229
00:08:56,846 --> 00:09:00,348
Fine. I'll come to you.
230
00:09:00,383 --> 00:09:02,451
I've got your number, Bremer.
231
00:09:02,485 --> 00:09:04,286
Like underwear bought in a drugstore,
232
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,254
you're not gonna last two months.
233
00:09:06,289 --> 00:09:09,324
Oh, this is not good, guys.
234
00:09:09,358 --> 00:09:11,259
Yeah, someone needs to tell the mayor.
235
00:09:11,294 --> 00:09:13,829
Yes, Jayden, and when you do that,
236
00:09:13,863 --> 00:09:15,530
emphasize how bad the optics are.
237
00:09:15,565 --> 00:09:17,399
It's day one, and this straw thing
238
00:09:17,433 --> 00:09:19,534
is not the hill you wanna die on, okay?
239
00:09:19,569 --> 00:09:22,070
- Wait, me go tell him?
- Mm-hmm.
240
00:09:22,105 --> 00:09:23,705
I'm on it!
241
00:09:23,740 --> 00:09:26,174
I'll see you guys at the party.
242
00:09:26,209 --> 00:09:29,244
Hey, but not if you see me first.
243
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:30,746
Ah.
244
00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:33,448
All right.
245
00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:37,018
Orly, come on, honey.
246
00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:39,121
Look, I know you thought
it was a bathroom
247
00:09:39,155 --> 00:09:41,123
when you ran in there,
but it's okay to admit
248
00:09:41,157 --> 00:09:43,325
that it's an empty closet.
249
00:09:43,359 --> 00:09:46,328
- Orly?
- Hey, buddies!
250
00:09:46,362 --> 00:09:47,996
- Excuse me?
- Sorry, I was gonna say buddy,
251
00:09:48,030 --> 00:09:49,364
and then, I realized that was not okay.
252
00:09:49,398 --> 00:09:51,099
And then, my brain was like,
"Pluralize it?"
253
00:09:51,134 --> 00:09:52,567
And then, I was like,
"No, that's insane."
254
00:09:52,602 --> 00:09:54,069
- Look, which one are you?
- I'm Jayden Kwapis.
255
00:09:54,103 --> 00:09:55,437
Very warm hand.
256
00:09:55,471 --> 00:09:57,606
Aren't you a little old
for the name Jayden?
257
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,807
Thank you for noticing.
258
00:09:58,841 --> 00:10:00,876
I'm actually one of the oldest
Jaydens you'll ever meet.
259
00:10:00,910 --> 00:10:04,279
Born in 1981, I like to think
I might be the original Jayden.
260
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,181
It's sort of a combination.
261
00:10:06,215 --> 00:10:07,816
I'm named after my father, Jaime,
262
00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:09,184
and his best friend, Dennis.
263
00:10:09,218 --> 00:10:10,552
Yeah, Orly, your phone's out here,
264
00:10:10,586 --> 00:10:12,220
so I know you're gonna cave eventually.
265
00:10:12,255 --> 00:10:14,389
Stop controlling my narrative!
266
00:10:14,423 --> 00:10:17,592
Okay, Councilwoman Meskimen
has the disabled community
267
00:10:17,627 --> 00:10:19,828
pretty fired up over the straw ban.
268
00:10:19,862 --> 00:10:21,830
I hadn't thought of that.
All right, all right.
269
00:10:21,864 --> 00:10:25,534
All right, uh, I will
personally donate steel straws
270
00:10:25,568 --> 00:10:27,235
- to anyone who needs one, okay?
- Great.
271
00:10:27,270 --> 00:10:29,538
Sweetheart, look. Look, look, honey.
272
00:10:29,572 --> 00:10:30,505
Who is this guy?
273
00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:33,341
And why is he wearing
flip-flops with a suit?
274
00:10:33,376 --> 00:10:34,442
They're prescription.
275
00:10:34,477 --> 00:10:36,478
I have podiatric claustrophobia.
276
00:10:36,512 --> 00:10:38,580
Okay, Kwapis, look, just have somebody
277
00:10:38,614 --> 00:10:41,716
from the Environmental Council
say how good the straw ban is.
278
00:10:41,751 --> 00:10:43,552
Yeah, it turns out
those folks are upset too
279
00:10:43,586 --> 00:10:45,220
because choking on plastic straws
280
00:10:45,254 --> 00:10:46,688
is an unofficial cost-free way
281
00:10:46,722 --> 00:10:48,757
to control the coyote population.
282
00:10:48,791 --> 00:10:50,926
Without the straws,
they think we're in trouble.
283
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,227
Coyote-wise.
284
00:10:52,261 --> 00:10:55,230
You have to cancel
this stupid straw ban.
285
00:10:55,264 --> 00:10:56,565
Your wife makes a great point, sir.
286
00:10:56,599 --> 00:10:58,807
- She's my teenage daughter, Kwapis.
- Ew!
287
00:10:58,832 --> 00:11:01,937
I'm so sorry.
It is very confusing in LA.
288
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,563
Let us suck!
289
00:11:03,606 --> 00:11:06,141
- Let us suck! Let us suck!
- Oh, boy.
290
00:11:06,175 --> 00:11:08,043
Let us suck!
291
00:11:08,077 --> 00:11:10,345
Look at that sign.
292
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:12,347
That's great. Okay, okay.
293
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:13,481
All right. All right, all right.
294
00:11:13,516 --> 00:11:16,718
Hey, buddies!
295
00:11:16,752 --> 00:11:17,953
Boo?
296
00:11:17,987 --> 00:11:19,554
Boo you!
297
00:11:19,589 --> 00:11:21,656
How do you like that, huh? Boo!
298
00:11:21,691 --> 00:11:23,725
I think you handled that perfectly, sir.
299
00:11:23,759 --> 00:11:26,228
I don't like being told
I'm problematic, Tommy.
300
00:11:26,262 --> 00:11:27,462
Yeah, well, nobody does,
301
00:11:27,496 --> 00:11:28,964
but cancellation comes for us all.
302
00:11:28,998 --> 00:11:30,265
Mine was a joke tweet about
303
00:11:30,299 --> 00:11:32,100
how I wanted Drake to murder my vagina.
304
00:11:32,134 --> 00:11:34,502
I avoided all the mines
in the mine field,
305
00:11:34,537 --> 00:11:37,205
and I'm still getting crucified.
306
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,708
- Am I allowed to say crucified?
- Of course.
307
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:41,543
It was a different time one second ago.
308
00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:43,545
Uh, Arpi Meskimen is doubling down.
309
00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:45,213
She's now calling for the removal
310
00:11:45,248 --> 00:11:47,582
of certain "offensive city landmarks."
311
00:11:47,617 --> 00:11:50,218
Yeah, let me guess, there's
a Reagan statue somewhere.
312
00:11:50,253 --> 00:11:51,953
- Close...
- Bob's Big Boy.
313
00:11:51,988 --> 00:11:54,856
It whitewashes the labor force
and gives me sexual nightmares.
314
00:11:54,891 --> 00:11:58,193
You got a lot of issues
for day one, Councilwoman.
315
00:11:58,227 --> 00:11:59,761
And I can keep them coming, Mr. Mayor.
316
00:11:59,795 --> 00:12:02,998
I wanna see your water bill
during the 2017 drought.
317
00:12:03,032 --> 00:12:05,467
Charter schools, yay or nay?
318
00:12:05,501 --> 00:12:07,736
Did you post the black square
on Instagram?
319
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,371
Either way, how dare you.
320
00:12:09,405 --> 00:12:10,906
What's your beef with me, Arpi?
321
00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:11,907
No beef.
322
00:12:11,941 --> 00:12:13,508
I'm a vegan.
323
00:12:13,542 --> 00:12:15,844
I just think there were
better choices on the ballot.
324
00:12:15,878 --> 00:12:17,579
Really? Who?
325
00:12:17,613 --> 00:12:21,283
The libertarian porn star,
or Gary Coleman's ghost?
326
00:12:21,317 --> 00:12:23,618
I'll have you know
I watched Ms. Bazonga's films,
327
00:12:23,653 --> 00:12:25,954
and she seems like a real hard worker
328
00:12:25,988 --> 00:12:28,456
who knows how to multitask.
329
00:12:28,491 --> 00:12:30,458
I wish I could say the same about you.
330
00:12:30,493 --> 00:12:33,028
Come on, Arpi.
331
00:12:33,062 --> 00:12:35,330
We can find some common ground here.
332
00:12:35,364 --> 00:12:37,265
We're both the same age.
333
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:38,934
I am 10 years younger than you.
334
00:12:38,968 --> 00:12:41,036
But I'm still perceived
as a kooky, old woman,
335
00:12:41,070 --> 00:12:43,038
and you're still a sexually viable man.
336
00:12:43,072 --> 00:12:44,906
Thank you.
337
00:12:44,941 --> 00:12:46,908
All right, here's something
we have in common.
338
00:12:46,943 --> 00:12:49,210
We both got into this to serve the city.
339
00:12:49,245 --> 00:12:51,046
I've been serving the city for 30 years.
340
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:54,516
You were floating in your pool
full of champagne in Bel Air.
341
00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:56,685
- That would ruin the grout.
- And you saw a sign.
342
00:12:56,719 --> 00:13:00,055
A magical sign that
you were chosen to lead.
343
00:13:00,089 --> 00:13:01,523
That's not fair.
344
00:13:01,557 --> 00:13:04,192
You wanna know the real reason
I ran for mayor?
345
00:13:04,226 --> 00:13:06,328
- I would love to.
- I did it for Orly.
346
00:13:06,362 --> 00:13:07,996
The airport in France?
347
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:09,864
No, my daughter.
348
00:13:09,899 --> 00:13:13,068
Who was conceived
at the airport in France.
349
00:13:13,102 --> 00:13:15,804
Mayor Delgado's now believed
to be in the back of this taxi
350
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:18,340
and has requested the driver to quote,
351
00:13:18,374 --> 00:13:20,475
"Drive him into the ocean."
352
00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:22,744
No, that's not laundry. That's my dad.
353
00:13:22,778 --> 00:13:25,480
No, he doesn't work. Not even on Zoom.
354
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,248
No, he wasn't Me Too-ed.
355
00:13:27,283 --> 00:13:30,318
No, the salad dressing guy
was Paul Newman.
356
00:13:30,353 --> 00:13:32,988
I don't know. Nothing?
357
00:13:33,022 --> 00:13:34,222
I love you, Dad!
358
00:13:34,256 --> 00:13:36,091
I'll help you turn off the TV later.
359
00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:40,061
Looks like Los Angeles
is going to need a new mayor.
360
00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:43,598
She thinks I'm a useless, old man.
361
00:13:43,632 --> 00:13:45,100
Does that make you feel better?
362
00:13:45,134 --> 00:13:48,336
And I get it. Never seen me work.
363
00:13:48,371 --> 00:13:50,105
Her mother died eight years ago,
364
00:13:50,139 --> 00:13:53,675
and when that happened,
I decided to cash out and retire.
365
00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:56,277
I wanted to be around Orly
as much as possible.
366
00:13:56,312 --> 00:13:57,479
- This is getting intense.
- I know.
367
00:13:57,513 --> 00:13:58,847
I forgot we were even here.
368
00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:01,282
But now, I have a chance
to prove to her...
369
00:14:01,317 --> 00:14:04,919
to... to myself that I'm not done.
370
00:14:04,954 --> 00:14:06,287
Not yet.
371
00:14:06,322 --> 00:14:08,123
You ran for mayor
to impress your daughter?
372
00:14:08,157 --> 00:14:11,426
What a fun present for a child.
She must be over the moon.
373
00:14:11,460 --> 00:14:13,561
Yeah, actually, she's furious with me.
374
00:14:13,596 --> 00:14:16,531
Boy, you really don't know
what you're doing.
375
00:14:16,565 --> 00:14:18,666
Not just at work, but at home.
376
00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:21,536
Excuse me, but I ran
a billion-dollar company.
377
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,004
I do know a few things.
378
00:14:23,039 --> 00:14:24,539
You need to learn how to listen, Whitey.
379
00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:26,875
- Whitey?
- Your hair.
380
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,911
When my constituents
come to me pissed off,
381
00:14:29,945 --> 00:14:32,047
they don't wanna hear
that they're wrong,
382
00:14:32,081 --> 00:14:36,084
or have me explain that
my intentions were good.
383
00:14:36,118 --> 00:14:38,086
They just wanna be heard.
384
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,422
So what do I do? I listen.
385
00:14:40,456 --> 00:14:44,459
And I say, "Thank you
for telling me that."
386
00:14:44,493 --> 00:14:46,594
That's what you should do
with little Heathrow.
387
00:14:46,629 --> 00:14:48,463
All right, you messed that up
on purpose.
388
00:14:48,497 --> 00:14:50,331
- We're done here.
- Are you ready, Mr. Mayor?
389
00:14:50,366 --> 00:14:51,833
The children's choir's
getting pretty deep
390
00:14:51,867 --> 00:14:53,468
into the Red Hot Chili Pepper's catalog.
391
00:14:53,502 --> 00:14:55,003
Oh, hi, you must be Mrs. Bremer.
392
00:14:55,037 --> 00:14:56,871
- You just saw her on TV...
- He wishes!
393
00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:00,938
She's scary.
394
00:15:01,822 --> 00:15:04,462
- You missed a great party last night.
- Mm-hmm.
395
00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:09,107
You know, Orly,
396
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:11,476
the first time I went
into a bank to get a loan
397
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,445
for my business, they turned me away.
398
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,280
- And you know what I did?
- You grew a mustache.
399
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:16,981
I grew a mustache.
400
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:18,758
Got shoes and a shirt.
401
00:15:18,789 --> 00:15:20,190
Were you naked the first time?
402
00:15:20,224 --> 00:15:21,825
No, I was wearing jean shorts.
403
00:15:21,859 --> 00:15:23,293
It was the '70s.
404
00:15:23,327 --> 00:15:25,262
The point is, I kept going back in there
405
00:15:25,296 --> 00:15:28,798
until I was wearing a suit,
and they gave me that loan.
406
00:15:28,833 --> 00:15:30,634
If you believe in something,
407
00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,869
don't give up,
don't take no for an answer.
408
00:15:32,903 --> 00:15:35,338
Except for with sex.
Now, that's different.
409
00:15:35,373 --> 00:15:37,073
We'll sidebar that.
410
00:15:37,108 --> 00:15:40,877
However, my advisors have convinced me
411
00:15:40,911 --> 00:15:41,878
to drop the straw ban,
412
00:15:41,912 --> 00:15:44,347
and I hope that
makes things easier for you.
413
00:15:44,382 --> 00:15:45,715
Do whatever you want.
414
00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:47,417
After yesterday, I'm not gonna win,
415
00:15:47,451 --> 00:15:49,753
so I'm dropping out of the race.
416
00:15:55,526 --> 00:15:57,394
Thank you for telling me that.
417
00:16:00,364 --> 00:16:03,233
I mean, like, Veda was gonna win anyway.
418
00:16:03,267 --> 00:16:05,001
She's better than me at everything,
419
00:16:05,036 --> 00:16:07,604
so I just feel stupid now,
and I give up.
420
00:16:09,407 --> 00:16:12,742
Thank you for telling me that.
421
00:16:12,777 --> 00:16:16,246
Is that all you're gonna say?
422
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,615
Thank you for telling me that.
423
00:16:19,950 --> 00:16:23,653
Um, okay.
424
00:16:23,688 --> 00:16:24,854
Bye.
425
00:16:32,596 --> 00:16:34,764
So did you tell your dad
you're quitting?
426
00:16:37,168 --> 00:16:38,735
Who said I'm quitting?
427
00:16:43,140 --> 00:16:44,574
I found my house!
428
00:16:44,608 --> 00:16:45,975
Good for you.
429
00:16:46,010 --> 00:16:47,444
How are you doing today, Mr. Mayor?
430
00:16:47,478 --> 00:16:48,678
I've been better, Jayden.
431
00:16:48,713 --> 00:16:50,447
When? I would love to see that.
432
00:16:50,481 --> 00:16:52,949
- Were you on a motorcycle?
- What do you need?
433
00:16:52,983 --> 00:16:55,618
Well, Arpi Meskimen is pretty worked up
434
00:16:55,653 --> 00:16:57,854
about the whole
coyote population explosion,
435
00:16:57,888 --> 00:16:59,856
but not in the way you might think.
436
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:03,560
She thinks that the word coyote
is "cultural appropriation,"
437
00:17:03,594 --> 00:17:06,062
and that we should be
calling them "mini wolves."
438
00:17:06,097 --> 00:17:08,398
She also thinks we should pay
for their birth control,
439
00:17:08,432 --> 00:17:09,966
so you're gonna get asked about that.
440
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,502
We're backing down from the straw ban,
441
00:17:12,536 --> 00:17:14,771
so why is Meskimen still attacking me?
442
00:17:14,805 --> 00:17:16,940
Never feed a dog from the table.
443
00:17:16,974 --> 00:17:18,708
They just keep coming back for more.
444
00:17:18,743 --> 00:17:21,444
That is why I only feed
my turtle from my own mouth.
445
00:17:21,479 --> 00:17:24,381
- Sit down.
- Oh, okay.
446
00:17:24,415 --> 00:17:26,716
You know, that wasn't me yesterday.
447
00:17:26,751 --> 00:17:29,319
When you give something, you
should get something in return.
448
00:17:29,353 --> 00:17:30,520
And Arpi knows that.
449
00:17:30,554 --> 00:17:32,489
She's been in government for 30 years.
450
00:17:32,523 --> 00:17:34,491
- Yeah.
- So what is she up to?
451
00:17:34,525 --> 00:17:36,960
Gosh, what is she up to? Right?
452
00:17:36,994 --> 00:17:38,695
You know, my mom always said
453
00:17:38,729 --> 00:17:40,864
that when people keep
punching you and punching you,
454
00:17:40,898 --> 00:17:43,433
it's because they're jealous
of your homemade pants.
455
00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:45,135
Arpi beat me because I don't even know
456
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:46,355
what game we're playing.
457
00:17:46,380 --> 00:17:48,972
Pfft! She didn't beat you.
She just tied you.
458
00:17:49,006 --> 00:17:50,507
It's one-one now.
459
00:17:50,541 --> 00:17:52,075
You know, because she tried
to run for mayor,
460
00:17:52,109 --> 00:17:53,510
but you won mayor.
461
00:17:53,544 --> 00:17:54,744
What do you mean she tried?
462
00:17:54,779 --> 00:17:57,213
Before this, I used to work
at the Board of Elections.
463
00:17:57,248 --> 00:17:58,248
She didn't have enough signatures
464
00:17:58,282 --> 00:18:00,383
to get on the ballot.
She was pretty furious.
465
00:18:00,418 --> 00:18:01,851
And before that,
I worked at a Jamba Juice,
466
00:18:01,886 --> 00:18:03,420
and people got mad there too.
467
00:18:03,454 --> 00:18:05,789
- She wants to be mayor.
- Great news, sir.
468
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:07,190
I did a deep dive on Arpi Meskimen,
469
00:18:07,224 --> 00:18:08,237
and it turns out, she...
470
00:18:08,262 --> 00:18:10,448
Wanted to be mayor,
but couldn't get on the ballot.
471
00:18:10,473 --> 00:18:14,164
Jayden already told me.
Try to keep up with him.
472
00:18:14,198 --> 00:18:15,231
This is good.
473
00:18:15,266 --> 00:18:17,467
Now I know what I'm dealing with.
474
00:18:17,501 --> 00:18:19,903
- We're banning plastic straws.
- But Meskimen...
475
00:18:19,937 --> 00:18:22,205
We'll give her something
she wants even more.
476
00:18:24,408 --> 00:18:25,708
What?
477
00:18:25,743 --> 00:18:28,711
He's gonna let her be mayor.
Try and keep up.
478
00:18:28,746 --> 00:18:30,547
Good morning.
479
00:18:30,581 --> 00:18:32,715
I came up here planning to quit.
480
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:34,884
Regarding yesterday's
policy announcement...
481
00:18:34,919 --> 00:18:36,753
But looking into the faces
of people I respect
482
00:18:36,787 --> 00:18:39,222
and seeing the look
in his eyes... their eyes,
483
00:18:39,264 --> 00:18:42,269
a lot of different eyes.
Anyway, I realized...
484
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,661
Nothing I do is gonna please everyone.
485
00:18:44,687 --> 00:18:46,254
And I'm not here to please people.
486
00:18:46,297 --> 00:18:47,530
I do what I think is right.
487
00:18:47,565 --> 00:18:49,399
The straw ban stands.
488
00:18:49,433 --> 00:18:50,567
And if you don't like it,
489
00:18:50,601 --> 00:18:53,169
you can suck it.
490
00:18:53,204 --> 00:18:54,904
And not through a straw.
491
00:18:54,939 --> 00:18:58,641
I look forward to being
your sophomore class president.
492
00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:06,082
However, I also know that it's my job
493
00:19:06,116 --> 00:19:09,285
to listen to all the voices
in this great city,
494
00:19:09,312 --> 00:19:13,081
so I'm pleased to announce that
I've appointed one deputy mayor
495
00:19:13,123 --> 00:19:16,860
in charge of public outreach,
opposition research,
496
00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:19,863
and mini wolf reproductive services.
497
00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,531
You may now direct your questions
498
00:19:21,565 --> 00:19:24,234
to Deputy Mayor Arpi Meskimen.
499
00:19:28,739 --> 00:19:30,874
Thank you, Mayor Bremer.
500
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:33,309
I hereby resign my seat
on the City Council
501
00:19:33,344 --> 00:19:35,111
in order to accept this position.
502
00:19:35,145 --> 00:19:37,010
And I think it is admirable of the mayor
503
00:19:37,035 --> 00:19:40,504
to surround himself with people
who dislike him so very much.
504
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,399
Before I take your questions,
505
00:19:42,424 --> 00:19:44,654
I really want you to think
about if your question is dumb.
506
00:19:44,688 --> 00:19:46,155
Ms. Meskimen! Ms. Meskimen!
507
00:19:46,190 --> 00:19:48,571
- Yes, glasses, go.
- I don't get it.
508
00:19:48,596 --> 00:19:50,493
Why would Meskimen give up
a seat on the council
509
00:19:50,528 --> 00:19:51,661
to work under Neil?
510
00:19:51,687 --> 00:19:53,421
Because she thinks he'll implode,
511
00:19:53,464 --> 00:19:54,831
and then she'll be mayor,
512
00:19:54,865 --> 00:19:56,699
but he's not planning
on giving her that chance.
513
00:19:56,734 --> 00:19:59,469
He used her own ambition against her.
514
00:19:59,503 --> 00:20:01,004
Pretty smart.
515
00:20:01,038 --> 00:20:03,339
All right. I'll give this a try.
516
00:20:03,374 --> 00:20:04,774
Because of my love of the city.
517
00:20:04,808 --> 00:20:06,476
You just found out
we get full health insurance?
518
00:20:06,510 --> 00:20:09,112
Yeah, I can finally break up
with that gross doctor.
519
00:20:09,146 --> 00:20:10,980
Are we going forward with the straw ban?
520
00:20:11,015 --> 00:20:12,815
Yes.
521
00:20:12,850 --> 00:20:14,350
The mayor stands by his offer
522
00:20:14,385 --> 00:20:17,987
to provide angled, steel straws
to those who need them.
523
00:20:18,022 --> 00:20:20,256
For all other parties,
the city will provide
524
00:20:20,291 --> 00:20:22,225
a free educational video
525
00:20:22,259 --> 00:20:24,594
demonstrating how
to tilt fluid out of a cup
526
00:20:24,628 --> 00:20:26,095
and suck it in with your mouth.
527
00:20:26,130 --> 00:20:29,566
You will find it at
LAtiltandsuck.org/mouth.
528
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,134
Next dumb question.
529
00:20:37,575 --> 00:20:40,910
So, I saw your press conference.
530
00:20:40,945 --> 00:20:43,379
Look, honey, I'm sorry
if it makes your life harder.
531
00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:44,681
I really am, but...
532
00:20:44,715 --> 00:20:46,916
You don't give up. I get it.
533
00:20:46,951 --> 00:20:50,620
Also, I have to be at school
early tomorrow.
534
00:20:50,654 --> 00:20:55,058
'Cause I'm kind of
class president, so...
535
00:20:59,530 --> 00:21:02,165
Thank you for telling me that.
536
00:21:02,199 --> 00:21:04,567
I've got homework.
537
00:21:04,602 --> 00:21:07,360
- Love you.
- Love you.
538
00:21:14,445 --> 00:21:16,245
Wait.
539
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,062
We're hosting the Olympics?
540
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:23,120
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
40946
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