Original subtitles

I WOULDN'T LIKE TO BE A MAN

A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS by Ernst Lubitsch

Direction:

FIRST ACT

Is that proper for a young girl?

I was playir a bit o' poker.

When I was your age...!

Come on, that was a long time ago.

I really don't understand how a lady can smoke.

Now what's all this?

I'm slugging back my troubles.

Well, it looks like you've got a few nasty troubles of your own!

Would you allow us to serenade you?

We'd like something sweet too.

�Hmmmmmm!

Where are you off to, then?!

Oh, if Petrus only knew about this...!

Dearest Councillor of Commerce,

The institution you have planned has now been founded.

It is essential that you come.

Behave yourself, so you make your governess very happy.

See, you're supposed to be happy with me.

And you want to be a refined young girl?

I don't want that at all!

I think the poor child's going to be pretty miserable.

What are you up to?

Dilly-dallying!

What would your uncle say about this?

Oh, I'm feeling pretty awful!

Dr. Kersten.

Your new guardian.

You're the guardian Who's in for a rude awakening?

Stand up when you're addressing me!!

Now curtsy!

Lower!

Gracious Miss, your car is here.

Young girls your age belong in bed at this time!

I'll break you down yet!

Down to here!

What a petty man!

Why didn't I come into this world as a boy.

END OF THE FIRST ACT

SECOND ACT

I'd like an evening-suit.

Measurements...

By which gentleman do you wish to be served?

Perhaps the gentlemen will compromise.

Me... the left arm!

Me... the right arm!

And what'll be left over here for me then?

Ossi emancipates herself...

Good heavens does a man not have it easy.

And this here's not as simple as it looks.

The world's mine at any price!

A charming lad!

Such a cheeky boy - won't even stand up!!

Well no need to make such a fuss! After all, you're a man!

That's what you say!

In the "M�use"-Palast

Rough folk - these men!

Take a look at this one!

Well, junior?

Ruthless people, these women!

Stupid fellow!

I'll seduce her away from him in no time.

Don't clobber me!

I swear I won't do it again.

That's women!

And you're here squabbling with me?

END OF THE SECOND ACT

"I Wouldn't Like to Be a Man!" THIRD ACT

After the Ball's End

You keep puffing - inale already!

You're making such a wretched face!

I feel wretched, too!

Maybe not, then.

Well... how you doir now?

It's better not to ask!

To brotherhood!

What's your name, anyway?

It's better not to ask!

Today I'm noticir for the first time that the earth's spinning!

So where are we off to?

Go straight ahead.

Y'aren't quite on the wagon yerself.

Ossi Oswalda Kaiserstr., 14

Ossi's his name?

Oh, he's pissed all right!

He's in the bathtub?

I want to see my governess.

Come now, wipe away your tears.

I haven't got a handkerchief!

Well well, what brings you here?

I'm here to visit my cousin.

Don't tell the little one anything of our adventure.

Promise!

The lass is pretty cute, too!

I beg to differ.

Well, already out of the bathtub?

Out of which bathtub?

Well, out of the bathtub.

Naturally, one can't stay in there forever!

Being a man, - that's exhausting stuff!

Ossi has to get up: I'll wake her right away.

No one wakes the way I wake!

I'm an old alarm clock!

That's right, the one and only!

And you let yourself be kissed by me?

Well - didn't you like how it tasted?

I'll break you down yet!

Down to here!

I wouldn't like to be a man!