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1
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I WOULDN'T LIKE TO BE A MAN
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A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS
by Ernst Lubitsch
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Direction:
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FIRST ACT
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Is that proper for a young girl?
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I was playir a bit o' poker.
7
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When I was your age...!
8
00:02:06,027 --> 00:02:09,946
Come on, that was a long time ago.
9
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I really don't understand
how a lady can smoke.
10
00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:07,707
Now what's all this?
11
00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:13,395
I'm slugging back my troubles.
12
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:37,051
Well, it looks like you've got
a few nasty troubles of your own!
13
00:03:58,598 --> 00:04:02,999
Would you allow us to serenade you?
14
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We'd like something sweet too.
15
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�Hmmmmmm!
16
00:05:03,131 --> 00:05:05,742
Where are you off to, then?!
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Oh, if Petrus only knew about this...!
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Dearest Councillor of Commerce,
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The institution you have planned
has now been founded.
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It is essential that you come.
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00:07:02,905 --> 00:07:07,557
Behave yourself, so you make
your governess very happy.
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See, you're supposed to be happy
with me.
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And you want to be a refined young girl?
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I don't want that at all!
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I think the poor child's
going to be pretty miserable.
26
00:08:20,818 --> 00:08:23,717
What are you up to?
27
00:08:25,482 --> 00:08:27,114
Dilly-dallying!
28
00:08:32,743 --> 00:08:36,062
What would your uncle say about this?
29
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:42,583
Oh, I'm feeling pretty awful!
30
00:09:38,598 --> 00:09:40,470
Dr. Kersten.
31
00:09:43,388 --> 00:09:46,408
Your new guardian.
32
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You're the guardian
Who's in for a rude awakening?
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00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:22,645
Stand up when you're addressing me!!
34
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Now curtsy!
35
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Lower!
36
00:10:59,916 --> 00:11:03,448
Gracious Miss, your car is here.
37
00:11:23,945 --> 00:11:29,945
Young girls your age
belong in bed at this time!
38
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:54,536
I'll break you down yet!
39
00:12:13,157 --> 00:12:14,842
Down to here!
40
00:12:20,685 --> 00:12:24,213
What a petty man!
41
00:13:27,577 --> 00:13:31,725
Why didn't I come into this world
as a boy.
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END OF THE FIRST ACT
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SECOND ACT
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I'd like an evening-suit.
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Measurements...
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By which gentleman do you wish
to be served?
47
00:14:53,483 --> 00:14:56,712
Perhaps the gentlemen will compromise.
48
00:15:04,297 --> 00:15:07,152
Me... the left arm!
49
00:15:08,498 --> 00:15:11,039
Me... the right arm!
50
00:15:16,505 --> 00:15:20,295
And what'll be left over here
for me then?
51
00:15:36,893 --> 00:15:39,724
Ossi emancipates herself...
52
00:16:09,289 --> 00:16:13,026
Good heavens does a man
not have it easy.
53
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:37,664
And this here's not as simple as it looks.
54
00:17:38,882 --> 00:17:41,366
The world's mine at any price!
55
00:18:15,238 --> 00:18:17,805
A charming lad!
56
00:19:32,329 --> 00:19:36,474
Such a cheeky boy -
won't even stand up!!
57
00:19:50,742 --> 00:19:55,455
Well no need to make such a fuss!
After all, you're a man!
58
00:20:00,174 --> 00:20:01,725
That's what you say!
59
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:12,067
In the "M�use"-Palast
60
00:21:22,967 --> 00:21:26,106
Rough folk - these men!
61
00:22:03,252 --> 00:22:05,731
Take a look at this one!
62
00:22:50,705 --> 00:22:52,392
Well, junior?
63
00:23:54,954 --> 00:23:58,718
Ruthless people, these women!
64
00:24:41,205 --> 00:24:42,796
Stupid fellow!
65
00:25:01,185 --> 00:25:05,685
I'll seduce her away from him
in no time.
66
00:25:44,133 --> 00:25:45,504
Don't clobber me!
67
00:25:47,443 --> 00:25:51,264
I swear I won't do it again.
68
00:26:05,265 --> 00:26:08,072
That's women!
69
00:26:11,246 --> 00:26:14,792
And you're here squabbling with me?
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00:26:24,372 --> 00:26:28,426
END OF THE SECOND ACT
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"I Wouldn't Like to Be a Man!"
THIRD ACT
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00:26:32,337 --> 00:26:35,031
After the Ball's End
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00:27:24,357 --> 00:27:28,191
You keep puffing - inale already!
74
00:27:53,696 --> 00:27:56,842
You're making such a wretched face!
75
00:28:00,060 --> 00:28:03,042
I feel wretched, too!
76
00:29:17,851 --> 00:29:19,397
Maybe not, then.
77
00:29:35,896 --> 00:29:39,117
Well... how you doir now?
78
00:29:41,484 --> 00:29:45,466
It's better not to ask!
79
00:29:53,539 --> 00:29:56,233
To brotherhood!
80
00:30:10,649 --> 00:30:13,463
What's your name, anyway?
81
00:30:20,307 --> 00:30:23,599
It's better not to ask!
82
00:30:49,318 --> 00:30:53,951
Today I'm noticir for the first time
that the earth's spinning!
83
00:31:39,368 --> 00:31:42,324
So where are we off to?
84
00:31:44,265 --> 00:31:47,235
Go straight ahead.
85
00:32:41,569 --> 00:32:45,468
Y'aren't quite on the wagon yerself.
86
00:32:57,014 --> 00:33:00,163
Ossi Oswalda
Kaiserstr., 14
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00:33:06,878 --> 00:33:09,552
Ossi's his name?
88
00:33:13,033 --> 00:33:17,283
Oh, he's pissed all right!
89
00:35:55,738 --> 00:35:58,339
He's in the bathtub?
90
00:36:43,765 --> 00:36:47,692
I want to see my governess.
91
00:36:54,865 --> 00:36:58,815
Come now, wipe away your tears.
92
00:37:01,324 --> 00:37:04,451
I haven't got a handkerchief!
93
00:38:23,001 --> 00:38:26,122
Well well, what brings you here?
94
00:38:30,026 --> 00:38:33,276
I'm here to visit my cousin.
95
00:38:39,827 --> 00:38:44,136
Don't tell the little one anything of
our adventure.
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00:38:57,097 --> 00:38:58,773
Promise!
97
00:39:02,109 --> 00:39:04,899
The lass is pretty cute, too!
98
00:39:10,033 --> 00:39:12,715
I beg to differ.
99
00:39:39,859 --> 00:39:43,602
Well, already out of the bathtub?
100
00:39:45,083 --> 00:39:47,840
Out of which bathtub?
101
00:39:49,452 --> 00:39:52,082
Well, out of the bathtub.
102
00:39:55,688 --> 00:40:00,155
Naturally, one can't stay in there forever!
103
00:40:22,009 --> 00:40:26,101
Being a man, - that's exhausting stuff!
104
00:40:31,639 --> 00:40:35,925
Ossi has to get up:
I'll wake her right away.
105
00:40:49,083 --> 00:40:52,874
No one wakes the way I wake!
106
00:40:55,966 --> 00:40:58,877
I'm an old alarm clock!
107
00:41:17,282 --> 00:41:20,880
That's right, the one and only!
108
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:27,592
And you let yourself be kissed by me?
109
00:41:29,493 --> 00:41:32,684
Well - didn't you like how it tasted?
110
00:41:41,518 --> 00:41:44,703
I'll break you down yet!
111
00:41:51,285 --> 00:41:53,519
Down to here!
112
00:42:43,964 --> 00:42:46,509
I wouldn't like to be a man!
7618
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