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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,301 Hey, folks, it's me, Dwayne Hoover, 3 00:02:16,222 --> 00:02:19,124 slashing prices 'cause we're goin' bananas for Hawaiian week. 4 00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:21,476 Come on down to Exit 11 Motor Village. 5 00:02:21,377 --> 00:02:23,378 I'm gonna slash some prices just for you! 6 00:02:23,299 --> 00:02:28,214 Hey, ask anybody. You can trust Dwayne Hoover. 7 00:02:29,898 --> 00:02:32,666 I think we're onto something- 8 00:02:32,555 --> 00:02:36,358 The deadly germ anthrax for use as a weapon- 9 00:02:36,206 --> 00:02:39,708 - I- I- - Is there something you wanted to say? 10 00:02:39,569 --> 00:02:42,037 - I'm sorry. - Sorry? 11 00:02:42,004 --> 00:02:44,939 Sorry I made us order the pepperoni and anchovies. 12 00:02:44,821 --> 00:02:47,323 Your breakfast, Mrs. Hoover. 13 00:02:47,223 --> 00:02:49,357 When your stomach is under attack, 14 00:02:49,273 --> 00:02:52,008 fight back with maximum-strength Trypepton. 15 00:02:51,899 --> 00:02:55,502 Now available in new orange flavor. 16 00:02:55,357 --> 00:02:59,157 Soothing, fast relief naturally. 17 00:02:59,074 --> 00:03:01,704 So, now how do you feel? 18 00:03:06,183 --> 00:03:11,211 Take my hand 19 00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:17,083 I'm a stranger in paradise 20 00:03:16,944 --> 00:03:22,439 I'm lost in a wonderland 21 00:03:22,292 --> 00:03:27,696 A stranger in paradise 22 00:03:27,545 --> 00:03:33,545 stand starry-eyed 23 00:03:33,758 --> 00:03:39,594 That's a danger in paradise 24 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:45,161 For mortals who stand beside 25 00:03:44,999 --> 00:03:47,668 - An ๏ฟฝngel like you - Mr. Hoover! 26 00:03:47,563 --> 00:03:50,964 Breakfast of champions! 27 00:03:50,893 --> 00:03:55,455 Breakfast of champions, Mr. Hoover! 28 00:04:18,852 --> 00:04:21,020 Great news, people. Today's not the day. 29 00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:22,968 - Hello, Lottie. - Hello, sir. 30 00:04:22,886 --> 00:04:26,706 white Shoulders. You know I love it. 31 00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:30,888 Dwayne? The poison bubbles almost won. 32 00:04:30,734 --> 00:04:34,971 The poison bubbles almost won. The poison bubbles almost won. 33 00:04:34,802 --> 00:04:38,863 Talk to me. Please. 34 00:04:38,772 --> 00:04:43,075 well, Hawaiian week down at the showroom. 35 00:04:42,904 --> 00:04:46,203 I saw your ad on TV,yes! 36 00:04:46,138 --> 00:04:49,207 - Please say something. - well, what should I say? 37 00:04:49,085 --> 00:04:51,820 Anything you feel like sayin'. You're Dwayne Hoover! 38 00:04:51,712 --> 00:04:55,487 People know who ya are, don't they? 39 00:04:55,489 --> 00:05:00,449 That's right, Lottie. They do know who I am. 40 00:05:00,326 --> 00:05:02,317 who am I? 41 00:05:02,312 --> 00:05:04,177 Please? 42 00:05:05,963 --> 00:05:08,331 Oh, hi, folks. Dwayne Hoover here... 43 00:05:08,236 --> 00:05:10,237 from Dwayne Hoover's Exit 11 Motor Village. 44 00:05:10,158 --> 00:05:13,294 we're searching the seven seas to find you a whale of a deal on a new car or truck. 45 00:05:13,170 --> 00:05:15,938 - Are you sorry? - Stop on in just for the hell of it... 46 00:05:15,827 --> 00:05:17,828 and reel yourself in a good deal. 47 00:05:17,748 --> 00:05:22,619 - You can trust Dwayne Hoover. - Sure. Sure, I'm sorry. 48 00:05:22,425 --> 00:05:25,527 - I'm sorry as heck. - Then say something. 49 00:05:25,403 --> 00:05:28,138 well, what should I say, Celia? 50 00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:32,626 I mean, I'm just- I'm just looking for a- 51 00:05:32,513 --> 00:05:35,415 Each Monday, millions of Americans suffer from- 52 00:05:35,299 --> 00:05:37,233 A sign. 53 00:05:37,221 --> 00:05:41,021 Anything really, Celia. 54 00:05:40,936 --> 00:05:45,873 I mean, all day long and- 55 00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:49,540 Not much, you know? I mean- 56 00:05:49,456 --> 00:05:52,186 Boy- 57 00:05:52,145 --> 00:05:56,782 There are days when I just think, is it me or what? 58 00:05:56,597 --> 00:06:01,227 - what? - Yeah. 59 00:06:01,114 --> 00:06:05,484 - I know what you can say, Dwayne. - what? 60 00:06:05,309 --> 00:06:07,410 - You can say- - Join millions who say- 61 00:06:07,327 --> 00:06:11,320 Good-bye, Blue Monday. 62 00:06:11,234 --> 00:06:14,736 I have never experienced such safe, fast and effective relief. 63 00:06:14,596 --> 00:06:20,432 - Oh. - I can finally say, "Good-bye, Blue Monday. " 64 00:06:26,798 --> 00:06:29,767 No, no. No, no, Nippy. 65 00:06:29,712 --> 00:06:32,272 No, no! No! No, Nippy! 66 00:06:32,243 --> 00:06:34,978 I swear I'm armed! I'll shoot! 67 00:06:34,869 --> 00:06:37,235 Hey! 68 00:06:37,207 --> 00:06:38,367 Nippy! 69 00:06:38,391 --> 00:06:40,621 Hey! 70 00:06:40,602 --> 00:06:44,368 Nippy! Nip! 71 00:06:47,487 --> 00:06:51,592 This is how dogs get themselves killed. 72 00:07:03,117 --> 00:07:05,779 Wedding day 73 00:07:13,236 --> 00:07:18,003 In, oh, so many ways Ha! 74 00:07:17,881 --> 00:07:20,679 Oh, wedding day 75 00:07:20,635 --> 00:07:24,125 If I saw you on your wedding day 76 00:07:30,947 --> 00:07:33,780 Dear Mr. Kilgore Trout. 77 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:39,422 My name is Eliot Rosewater, 78 00:07:39,339 --> 00:07:43,435 and this is a fan letter. 79 00:07:43,342 --> 00:07:46,978 Plague on wheels is the greatest novel- 80 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,768 Plague on wheels is the greatest novel in the English language. 81 00:07:49,651 --> 00:07:53,187 "I promise to make you famous. You should be president of the United States. " 82 00:07:53,046 --> 00:07:55,448 what the hell? I mean, look at the handwriting. 83 00:07:55,352 --> 00:07:59,321 It must be from a kid of 14. " Promise to make you famous. " 84 00:07:59,163 --> 00:08:03,533 My first fan letter ever, and I'll show you what I'm gonna do with it. 85 00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:06,692 watch this. 86 00:08:07,842 --> 00:08:12,042 Two hundred novels, 2,000 short stories. 87 00:08:12,198 --> 00:08:16,268 Never heard back from one publisher, not one, 88 00:08:16,105 --> 00:08:18,974 except that wide-open beaver outfit, 89 00:08:18,859 --> 00:08:20,926 and they didn't pay me doodley-squat. 90 00:08:20,845 --> 00:08:22,780 And then I get a fan letter. 91 00:08:22,704 --> 00:08:26,406 well, I'll burn you out of my body bag. 92 00:08:26,258 --> 00:08:29,368 I'll be glad when it's over. 93 00:08:32,663 --> 00:08:36,132 Can't wait till my head's as empty as the day I was born... 94 00:08:35,994 --> 00:08:39,296 onto this damaged planet all those years ago. 95 00:08:39,164 --> 00:08:41,269 Empty as a child's, 96 00:08:43,969 --> 00:08:47,370 a very young child's. 97 00:08:49,316 --> 00:08:53,253 That's why I wrote those stories, Bill. 98 00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:59,097 Get rid of all the junk that's built up over the years. 99 00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:16,883 Hey, folks, it's me - Dwayne Hoover. 100 00:09:16,796 --> 00:09:20,926 Hey, folks, it's me, Dwayne Hoover. 101 00:09:20,831 --> 00:09:24,067 Going bananas down here. Dwayne Hoover. 102 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,272 Dwayne Hoover. Hey, folks, it's me. 103 00:09:26,179 --> 00:09:28,113 Dwayne Hoover. 104 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:32,405 There he goes, Grace. He's drivin' by the house because he knows! 105 00:09:32,233 --> 00:09:36,431 I'm tellin' ya, Grace! He knows! 106 00:09:36,332 --> 00:09:38,533 He doesn't know a damn thing, Harry. 107 00:09:38,446 --> 00:09:42,315 Now, will you please get over here and sit down? 108 00:09:42,161 --> 00:09:44,095 Oh. 109 00:09:46,868 --> 00:09:50,895 I'm telling you, Grace, Dwayne Hoover- 110 00:09:50,808 --> 00:09:53,310 Dwayne Hoover knows everything. 111 00:09:53,211 --> 00:09:56,266 Harry, that is such bullshit. 112 00:09:56,157 --> 00:09:58,224 Dwayne Hoover doesn't know his son is a freak. 113 00:09:58,141 --> 00:10:01,043 He doesn't know his wife is suicidal. 114 00:10:00,929 --> 00:10:03,397 He doesn't know. Besides, who cares if Dwayne Hoover knows? 115 00:10:03,299 --> 00:10:08,236 Oh, well, I care, 116 00:10:08,102 --> 00:10:10,837 because I'm his sales manager, 117 00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:16,728 and I'm telling you that Dwayne Hoover is saying and doing things he never used to. 118 00:10:21,266 --> 00:10:23,934 - Come here, big boy. - Grace, listen to me. 119 00:10:23,827 --> 00:10:27,363 - I got somethin'you want. - I've known Dwayne Hoover for over 21 years. 120 00:10:27,223 --> 00:10:30,692 I know him the way a combat soldier knows his buddy. 121 00:10:30,553 --> 00:10:32,554 Jesus, he knows me. 122 00:10:32,475 --> 00:10:34,476 - Harry, first of all, listen to me. - Yes. 123 00:10:34,396 --> 00:10:36,397 You were never in the army. 124 00:10:36,318 --> 00:10:41,322 Second of all, we're the only people in this whole town who have any kind of sex life. 125 00:10:41,121 --> 00:10:43,419 You should be proud. 126 00:10:43,395 --> 00:10:47,957 Grace, I try, but I can't. 127 00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:52,217 Oh,Jesus. I'm the freak, not Dwayne Hoover. 128 00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:56,570 Me! I mean, look. I got a sex problem. 129 00:10:56,463 --> 00:10:58,831 I'll tell you who has a sex problem, Harry. 130 00:10:58,737 --> 00:11:03,574 How many orgasms do you think Dwayne Hoover has a month, huh? Lift your skirt up. 131 00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:06,416 I don't care how many times Dwayne Hoover comes a month. 132 00:11:06,296 --> 00:11:09,322 I have 87, and you have 36. 133 00:11:09,274 --> 00:11:11,942 People like Dwayne Hoover have 1.5. 1.5, Harry. 134 00:11:11,836 --> 00:11:14,396 Now, that is sick. 135 00:11:14,366 --> 00:11:17,935 Let's move to Hawaii and get a condo in Maui like we've always wanted. 136 00:11:17,792 --> 00:11:20,928 Oh, Grace, you know we can't. I mean, think of my job. 137 00:11:20,804 --> 00:11:24,139 Think how long it's taken me to become what I am. 138 00:11:24,006 --> 00:11:25,940 Maui. 139 00:11:29,066 --> 00:11:31,432 Maui. 140 00:11:31,404 --> 00:11:36,273 - Maui. - Maui. 141 00:11:48,955 --> 00:11:51,617 Hey! 142 00:11:51,581 --> 00:11:54,049 Get out of the car, asshole! I'm gonna teach you a lesson- 143 00:11:53,951 --> 00:11:56,186 why, you're Mr. Dwayne Hoover. 144 00:11:56,097 --> 00:11:58,665 I bought my new car down at Exit 11 Motor Village. 145 00:11:58,562 --> 00:12:00,930 - where am I? - Oh, Sugar Creek Estates. 146 00:12:00,836 --> 00:12:04,339 - What is happening here? - Don't worry. Somebody just dumping sludge in the creek. 147 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,835 But the guys are gettin'it cleaned up. 148 00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:09,798 You can go on through if you want to, but keep it kind of slow for me, will ya, please? 149 00:12:09,675 --> 00:12:14,446 - Be nice and safe. - Hey! You can't go there! I got your license plate! 150 00:12:14,256 --> 00:12:16,891 That was Mr. Hoover from Exit 11. Oh, I should have got his autograph. 151 00:12:16,786 --> 00:12:22,786 Doggone it. My wife's never gonna believe that I did this. 152 00:12:23,735 --> 00:12:27,772 - what's that? - Another special delivery. 153 00:12:27,612 --> 00:12:33,612 Two in one week. You ain't dead yet, old man. Here you go. 154 00:12:37,635 --> 00:12:41,371 Dear Mr. Trout, My name is Fred T. Barry, 155 00:12:41,222 --> 00:12:46,160 chairman of the arts festival, celebrating the opening of the Mildred T. Barry... 156 00:12:45,962 --> 00:12:49,131 Memorial Center for the Arts in Midland City. 157 00:12:49,006 --> 00:12:51,941 It would be our most profound honor... 158 00:12:51,823 --> 00:12:55,092 for you to be one of our creative and distinguished... 159 00:12:54,962 --> 00:12:57,130 out-of-town participants. 160 00:12:57,044 --> 00:13:00,713 This check for dollar1,000 is for travel expenses... 161 00:13:00,567 --> 00:13:03,127 and an honorarium. 162 00:13:03,097 --> 00:13:06,833 - why all this sudden interest in Kilgore Trout, Bill, huh? 163 00:13:06,683 --> 00:13:08,684 Some mistake's been made. No question. 164 00:13:08,605 --> 00:13:11,774 Maybe they've invited me because they know I've got a tuxedo. 165 00:13:11,648 --> 00:13:15,284 Ever show you my tuxedo, Bill, huh? Yeah. 166 00:13:15,139 --> 00:13:18,508 If they really want Kilgore Trout, they'll want him in a tuxedo. 167 00:13:18,373 --> 00:13:20,307 Ah. Yeah. 168 00:13:22,152 --> 00:13:24,712 High school dance. 169 00:13:24,682 --> 00:13:28,885 Believe it or not, once even I was young, Bill. 170 00:13:28,717 --> 00:13:31,584 Me. Hey. 171 00:13:31,536 --> 00:13:33,571 Yeah, it's quite a good fit, huh? 172 00:13:33,490 --> 00:13:36,070 Hey, Bill, what is that? 173 00:13:37,813 --> 00:13:42,150 Cha, cha, cha 174 00:13:44,219 --> 00:13:46,153 Cha, cha- 175 00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:49,940 I'm too old for all that. 176 00:13:49,855 --> 00:13:54,058 why go all the way out to Midland City just to make a laughingstock of myself? 177 00:13:53,890 --> 00:13:56,324 I'm my only fan. 178 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:59,862 Anyway, if I went out there, I'd want to read... 179 00:13:59,719 --> 00:14:01,720 out loud from my own stuff. 180 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,543 Means I'd have to go to those wide-open beaver bookshops... 181 00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:08,488 and dig out some of my published work. 182 00:14:09,264 --> 00:14:12,333 They don't want nothin' but smilers out there. 183 00:14:12,210 --> 00:14:16,408 Unhappy failures need not apply. 184 00:14:16,309 --> 00:14:20,946 Maybe unhappy failures is exactly what they should see. 185 00:14:20,761 --> 00:14:25,765 Show those provincials what nobody's ever seen before at an arts festival. 186 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:29,435 Someone who's devoted his entire life searching for truth and beauty... 187 00:14:29,281 --> 00:14:31,549 and didn't find doodley-squat. 188 00:14:31,459 --> 00:14:34,928 The creator who's failed and failed and failed. 189 00:14:34,789 --> 00:14:39,392 Think there's anybody in Midland City who'd listen to a cockroach like that, Bill? 190 00:14:39,209 --> 00:14:41,439 Anybody at all, huh? 191 00:14:41,419 --> 00:14:47,419 Maybe it's my missi๏ฟฝn, Bill. Think it could be my missi๏ฟฝn? 192 00:15:00,090 --> 00:15:02,149 Dwayne? 193 00:15:08,737 --> 00:15:10,671 Yeah. 194 00:15:25,775 --> 00:15:27,810 Happy, happy birthday 195 00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:29,731 From your staff all who 196 00:15:29,650 --> 00:15:31,651 we wish you happy birthday 197 00:15:31,572 --> 00:15:35,008 So we could party too Hey! 198 00:15:44,286 --> 00:15:46,345 See? See, Francine? 199 00:15:46,337 --> 00:15:48,338 What'd I tell you? Something's come over him. 200 00:15:48,259 --> 00:15:50,760 - I've never seen this Dwayne before. - Oh, Harry. 201 00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:54,897 Dwayne may be the most charming man in Midland City, but he's also very shy. 202 00:15:54,727 --> 00:15:58,396 I don't find him so charming anymore. He was walking away from me just now. 203 00:15:58,251 --> 00:16:02,154 Oh, Harry. Dwayne Hoover has fewer bad days than anybody else I know. 204 00:16:01,997 --> 00:16:04,065 - But why me? - Oh, Harry! 205 00:16:03,983 --> 00:16:05,917 why me? 206 00:16:05,904 --> 00:16:10,398 Dwayne? Honey! 207 00:16:10,292 --> 00:16:12,693 - Not now, Francine. - I mean, Mr. Hoover. 208 00:16:12,598 --> 00:16:15,600 - Just leave me alone, please. - we didn't mean to embarrass you. 209 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,648 - I was embarrassed. - Sweetheart, can we have breakfast? 210 00:16:17,562 --> 00:16:19,563 Please? After all, it's your birthday. 211 00:16:19,484 --> 00:16:21,485 Don't touch me. They're all watching. 212 00:16:21,406 --> 00:16:24,909 Nobody can see what we're doing. Nobody can hear us. 213 00:16:24,768 --> 00:16:26,895 Hey! 214 00:16:26,882 --> 00:16:30,318 - Francine. - what? 215 00:16:30,245 --> 00:16:32,914 - why are you pouring cream on my bananas? - It's not cream. 216 00:16:32,807 --> 00:16:35,442 It's La Creme. It's like cream only better 217 00:16:35,337 --> 00:16:39,039 I only like sugar on my bananas. Francine, you know that. 218 00:16:38,892 --> 00:16:42,262 I don't like when you're sharp, Dwayne Hoover, 219 00:16:42,128 --> 00:16:44,996 and you've been sharp quite a lot lately. 220 00:16:44,882 --> 00:16:50,882 It's beginning to make me think that the things Harry Le Sabre says about you are true. 221 00:16:53,272 --> 00:16:55,774 what things? what's Harry saying? 222 00:16:55,675 --> 00:17:00,145 Oh, that you've changed, that you're not the man you used to be. 223 00:16:59,965 --> 00:17:03,901 I swear, Francine, this is why I go home and talk to my dog for hours and hours, 224 00:17:03,745 --> 00:17:06,113 and my dog hates my guts. 225 00:17:06,019 --> 00:17:09,682 Dwayne Hoover, am I losing you? 226 00:17:09,605 --> 00:17:15,605 The only thing anyone's losing around here is their mind, Francine. 227 00:17:15,595 --> 00:17:20,899 If you don't like me anymore, Dwayne Hoover,just say so. I can take the truth. 228 00:17:20,687 --> 00:17:23,155 Truth, truth, truth. 229 00:17:23,121 --> 00:17:26,323 Damn, Rosemary, take them damn pills! 230 00:17:26,196 --> 00:17:30,433 You're turnin' me into plutonium! Good morning, Mr. Hoover. 231 00:17:30,264 --> 00:17:33,399 - You're looking especially well this morning. - Excuse me! 232 00:17:33,273 --> 00:17:35,641 we are having a private- 233 00:17:35,547 --> 00:17:37,548 Francine! I mean, sir! I'm sorry- 234 00:17:37,469 --> 00:17:39,470 we are having a private conversation, if you don't mind. 235 00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,392 we gotta get outta here right now! 236 00:17:41,313 --> 00:17:44,182 Get your hands off me, murderer! I want Dwayne Hoover to take me home. 237 00:17:44,066 --> 00:17:46,567 Vernon, this is a demerit on your performance record. 238 00:17:46,469 --> 00:17:48,904 I know things that could make your head spin. 239 00:17:48,807 --> 00:17:51,509 My head spins all the time. I'm trying to make it stop. 240 00:17:51,401 --> 00:17:54,202 we gotta get outta here right now! 241 00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:59,585 Oh, I can't stand that woman. She is such a phony. 242 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:04,730 That was a real violation of protocol. 243 00:18:08,471 --> 00:18:11,440 Dwayne? Dwayne? 244 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:18,104 Hey, I didn't know Vernon had an SE coupe just like mine. 245 00:18:17,918 --> 00:18:19,919 - Rosemary! - I don't care! I love him! 246 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,975 - Francine. - Except he's got a rear deck spoiler. 247 00:18:21,891 --> 00:18:24,025 - Francine, please. - They look awfully masculine, 248 00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:25,941 don't you think, Dwayne? 249 00:18:25,861 --> 00:18:29,130 - Francine, please be quiet. - Dwayne, are you changing again? 250 00:18:28,999 --> 00:18:32,579 - Harry was right. - Oh, shut up! 251 00:18:36,239 --> 00:18:38,207 I'm sorry. 252 00:18:38,191 --> 00:18:41,193 I'm sorry, Francine. I didn't mean it. 253 00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:43,794 - Sit down, please. - No! 254 00:18:43,732 --> 00:18:48,402 Mr. Hoover, I am crossing the street and going directly to work. 255 00:18:48,216 --> 00:18:50,217 Hey, Dwayne Hoover. How ya doin'? 256 00:18:50,137 --> 00:18:54,641 I will behave in a professional manner no matter how much you've changed. 257 00:18:54,462 --> 00:18:58,665 A thousand dollars. That's a lot of paper. 258 00:18:58,497 --> 00:19:01,165 A lot of paper a thousand dollars. 259 00:19:01,059 --> 00:19:04,228 who in their right mind would give me a thousand dollars? 260 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:08,731 why me? 261 00:19:11,179 --> 00:19:15,315 And they think I can write? I can write? 262 00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:17,118 I'll show 'em. 263 00:19:17,104 --> 00:19:19,105 Howdy, partners! Dwayne Hoover here! 264 00:19:19,026 --> 00:19:22,962 And the stampede is on at Dwayne Hoover's Exit 11 Motor Village! 265 00:19:22,804 --> 00:19:26,607 It's Hawaiian week, and that means great savings on new and used cars and trucks. 266 00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:28,457 So don't get left out in the dust! 267 00:19:28,378 --> 00:19:31,647 Come on down and check out our big deal for big horsepower! 268 00:19:31,517 --> 00:19:33,451 whoo! 269 00:19:33,437 --> 00:19:36,606 That's right. It is Hawaiian week- 270 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,481 why is wayne Hoobler smilin'? 271 00:19:38,402 --> 00:19:40,670 wayne Hoobler gettin' out today? 272 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:43,815 That there is Dwayne Hoover on televisi๏ฟฝn. 273 00:19:43,686 --> 00:19:45,687 My name and his sound so much alike. 274 00:19:45,607 --> 00:19:47,642 - You can trust Dwayne- - And I trust him. 275 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:51,331 Can't trust nobody, wayne Hoobler, just me. 276 00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:53,415 Oh, no, I trust Dwayne Hoover, 277 00:19:53,327 --> 00:19:58,030 and I'm gonna work for him at Exit 11 Motor Village in Midland City. 278 00:19:57,842 --> 00:20:00,577 I'm gonna live happily ever after in fairy- 279 00:20:00,468 --> 00:20:03,037 Gonna say fairyland, wayne Hoobler? 280 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,836 Hell, no. No, honest. Swear. 281 00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:08,390 Gallop on down to Dwayne Hoover's Exit 11 Motor Village! 282 00:20:08,282 --> 00:20:12,285 - All you know is from watchin' TV. - we got you covered. 283 00:20:12,126 --> 00:20:15,391 You can't even count money. 284 00:20:15,329 --> 00:20:17,397 Let me tell you something. 285 00:20:17,313 --> 00:20:21,316 The creator of the universe is watchin' over me, 286 00:20:21,157 --> 00:20:25,460 and I'm gonna work for Dwayne Hoover 'cause it's my callin'. 287 00:20:25,288 --> 00:20:31,288 warden's ready for you, Hoobler. It's your lucky day. Not yours, Eli. 288 00:20:34,449 --> 00:20:38,719 where in hell do they get these crazy picture ideas? 289 00:20:38,548 --> 00:20:42,685 There's absolutely nothing about a college professor or sorority giris... 290 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,221 in the body of this novel. 291 00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:47,411 E - Excuse me. 292 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:51,548 No women, for cryin' out loud. 293 00:20:52,864 --> 00:20:56,994 That's why I didn't get paid for it. 294 00:20:56,899 --> 00:21:01,529 All I got was doodley-squat. Doodley-squat. 295 00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:15,598 watch it, perverted bastard. 296 00:21:38,759 --> 00:21:40,760 My God! "The Dancing Fool. " 297 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,981 I never realized this had been published. 298 00:21:42,890 --> 00:21:46,760 This must be more than 30 years old. 299 00:21:47,468 --> 00:21:50,288 It's for an arts festival. 300 00:21:55,284 --> 00:21:57,385 "what is the purpose of life?" 301 00:21:57,301 --> 00:22:01,304 To be the eyes and ears and conscience of the creator of the universe. 302 00:22:01,144 --> 00:22:04,602 Ya fool! 303 00:22:07,006 --> 00:22:09,541 Let's go over their descriptions again by age, color of skin, etcetera. 304 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,441 For all I know they may not have been earthlings. 305 00:22:11,361 --> 00:22:14,730 For all I know they may have been an intelligent gas from Pluto. 306 00:22:14,596 --> 00:22:17,498 You have some blood on your nose. 307 00:22:17,383 --> 00:22:21,519 A small leak can sink a great ship. Benjamin Franklin. 308 00:22:21,353 --> 00:22:27,353 That gas moved fast like a fart on linoleum. Kilgore Trout. 309 00:22:31,602 --> 00:22:33,936 Hey! Don't be a caveman! 310 00:22:33,843 --> 00:22:37,479 Escape to the future, and come on down to Dwayne Hoover's Exit 11 Motor Village! 311 00:22:37,334 --> 00:22:39,335 I'll make ya a mammoth deal! 312 00:22:39,256 --> 00:22:42,458 That's right, folks. It's Hawaiian week, and you can trust your old pal- 313 00:22:42,330 --> 00:22:44,331 That's me, Dwayne Hoover- 314 00:22:44,252 --> 00:22:46,821 to make you a great deal on a luxury sedan just like this one. 315 00:22:46,719 --> 00:22:50,021 - Your stop, Hoobler. - Come on down to Exit 11 Motor Village. 316 00:22:49,890 --> 00:22:52,058 I'm gonna slash some prices just for you! 317 00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:54,506 During Hawaiian Week we're gonna offer you a whole new deal, 318 00:22:54,405 --> 00:22:56,406 and that's no monkey business. 319 00:22:56,327 --> 00:22:59,062 That means great savings on new and used cars and trucks! 320 00:22:58,954 --> 00:23:01,021 I'm talkin' luxury with attitude, folks. 321 00:23:00,938 --> 00:23:02,906 Yes, sirree, Bob. 322 00:23:02,893 --> 00:23:06,996 Luxury with style. Luxury with bird shit on the hood! 323 00:23:06,832 --> 00:23:09,367 - Pan to Le Sabre. - There's bird shit on the hood! 324 00:23:09,266 --> 00:23:11,894 Harry,you're on! 325 00:23:12,820 --> 00:23:14,811 Oh, hi. 326 00:23:14,807 --> 00:23:19,177 I'm Harry Le Sabre, sales manager for Exit 11 Motor Village. 327 00:23:19,001 --> 00:23:22,070 As Dwayne Hoover just told you folks, 328 00:23:21,948 --> 00:23:24,016 it's Hawaiian week here. 329 00:23:23,934 --> 00:23:26,602 Tell them about the bird shit on the hood, why don't ya? 330 00:23:26,495 --> 00:23:29,864 we're loaded with new cars and trucks! 331 00:23:29,730 --> 00:23:32,398 Hawaiian week celebrates our inventory reduction sale. 332 00:23:32,292 --> 00:23:35,428 So come on down and drive out with a new automobile, 333 00:23:35,304 --> 00:23:38,673 plus a cash rebate of dollar1,149... 334 00:23:38,538 --> 00:23:42,541 and become eligible for a free trip to Hawaii. 335 00:23:42,381 --> 00:23:44,282 - Dwayne. - So, remember, 336 00:23:44,207 --> 00:23:46,909 it's not too late to enter! 337 00:23:46,801 --> 00:23:49,998 It's - Remember, 338 00:23:49,939 --> 00:23:55,344 let us prove to you that what's good for Dwayne Hoover... 339 00:23:55,128 --> 00:23:57,153 is good for you... 340 00:23:57,145 --> 00:23:59,705 too! 341 00:23:59,675 --> 00:24:01,843 I'd like to see you in my office right away, Harry. 342 00:24:01,757 --> 00:24:05,226 Cut, cut. Harry, what the hell were you thinking? 343 00:24:05,088 --> 00:24:07,623 - Do you think we got anything? - Not much. 344 00:24:07,522 --> 00:24:11,356 Harry, you spoiled the whole thing. 345 00:24:11,269 --> 00:24:13,203 - Mr. Hoover! - Hey. 346 00:24:13,126 --> 00:24:15,394 Mr. Hoover, I'm sorry about yesterday morning in the restaurant. 347 00:24:15,304 --> 00:24:19,307 My wife, you know, she's - She sees things that aren't really there. 348 00:24:19,148 --> 00:24:22,183 - I understand. - Maybe I'm goin' crazy. I don't know. 349 00:24:22,061 --> 00:24:25,197 - I'll go home for hours and talk with my gosh-darn dog. - I understand. 350 00:24:25,073 --> 00:24:27,307 - Mr. Hoover! How ya doin' there, sir? - Good morning. 351 00:24:27,218 --> 00:24:29,987 It's a pleasure to finally meet ya. I've been watching you half of my life. 352 00:24:29,877 --> 00:24:31,878 - Good morning. - Remember this? 353 00:24:31,799 --> 00:24:34,567 It's from yourJuly 4 Firecracker Sale. 354 00:24:34,456 --> 00:24:36,791 Had it in my wallet since I was nine. 355 00:24:36,698 --> 00:24:40,000 The good Lord meant for us to work so close because our names are so close, see? 356 00:24:39,869 --> 00:24:43,635 - Mine is wayne Hoobler. - Hoobler. 357 00:24:43,552 --> 00:24:47,222 Isn't that beautiful? I'm gonna have my own car dealership one day just like you. 358 00:24:47,076 --> 00:24:49,711 Never told anyone that though. Saved it just for you, sir. 359 00:24:49,606 --> 00:24:51,873 - Good morning. - Good morning, sir. 360 00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:53,885 It's a great morning, sir. Beautiful day, sir! 361 00:24:53,801 --> 00:24:56,002 Stop shaking my hand now, young man. 362 00:24:55,914 --> 00:24:59,784 You know, you look great. Hop on in. 363 00:25:00,366 --> 00:25:02,934 - That's the- - Young man! Young man! 364 00:25:02,832 --> 00:25:07,703 - That's what I told Eli. - Young man! Stop shaking my- 365 00:25:07,508 --> 00:25:09,567 My God. 366 00:25:16,283 --> 00:25:17,682 Fairyland! 367 00:25:17,692 --> 00:25:20,252 No. 368 00:25:20,222 --> 00:25:22,383 Harry! Harry! 369 00:25:22,369 --> 00:25:26,906 Come over here. I need to speak to you right this second. 370 00:25:26,725 --> 00:25:29,126 I didn't really say that. 371 00:25:29,030 --> 00:25:32,932 Dwayne, what can I say? 372 00:25:32,841 --> 00:25:35,409 I always knew you'd find out someday. 373 00:25:35,307 --> 00:25:38,709 But we've been friends far too long for such a thing to ever interfere... 374 00:25:38,574 --> 00:25:40,775 - Harry! Harry, Harry. - with our relationship. 375 00:25:40,687 --> 00:25:43,623 - Do you see this young man over here? Please. - Yeah? 376 00:25:43,507 --> 00:25:45,875 Take good care of him. Give him whatever he wants. 377 00:25:45,781 --> 00:25:48,616 Dwayne, I don't know what made me think I could hide it from you. 378 00:25:48,503 --> 00:25:52,639 - Grace said it's just a- - Harry. Harry! 379 00:25:52,472 --> 00:25:57,962 - we'll discuss it in my office, okay? - All right. 380 00:25:57,790 --> 00:26:00,987 The inquisition. 381 00:26:00,929 --> 00:26:02,930 - Harry, put 'er there. - Hello. 382 00:26:02,850 --> 00:26:05,352 - wayne Hoobler. - Hoobler. 383 00:26:05,252 --> 00:26:08,254 - Hoobler, yes. It's a pleasure. - Pleasure. 384 00:26:08,135 --> 00:26:10,336 - That your office back there? - Yes. 385 00:26:10,248 --> 00:26:12,682 Let's go take a look. 386 00:26:17,710 --> 00:26:21,580 For some reason, this looks like it's turning out to be another one of those tough days, 387 00:26:21,426 --> 00:26:23,360 so let's keep everything nice and- 388 00:26:23,284 --> 00:26:25,285 Excuse me, Mr. Hoover. 389 00:26:25,205 --> 00:26:28,874 Ever since breakfast yesterday I've been thinking very hard on the subject, 390 00:26:28,728 --> 00:26:31,297 and I've decided I feel I should quit. 391 00:26:31,194 --> 00:26:35,354 I think it'll be easier on both of us. 392 00:26:39,137 --> 00:26:42,706 You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it sure helps. 393 00:26:42,564 --> 00:26:48,564 That's just to keep people from being serious all the time, Mr. Sourpuss. 394 00:26:50,058 --> 00:26:52,018 I'm sorry, Dwayne. 395 00:26:52,940 --> 00:26:55,704 I know you're just tense. 396 00:26:55,663 --> 00:26:58,031 You're under a lot of pressure. 397 00:26:57,936 --> 00:27:02,506 You remember how you were last year during the George washington Day Giveaway Sale? 398 00:27:02,323 --> 00:27:06,020 Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. 399 00:27:05,943 --> 00:27:11,238 I swear, some people will swallow almost anything. 400 00:27:11,548 --> 00:27:16,552 Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't referring to your wife when I said that. 401 00:27:16,352 --> 00:27:21,187 Dwayne, I have a little something for you. 402 00:27:22,275 --> 00:27:25,540 Just a gift to take with you. 403 00:27:26,536 --> 00:27:30,028 And, um, 404 00:27:29,963 --> 00:27:34,593 I forgive you for yesterday, 405 00:27:34,478 --> 00:27:36,412 snooks. 406 00:27:39,411 --> 00:27:42,179 I've been watching Dwayne Hoover ever since I was nine years old. 407 00:27:42,069 --> 00:27:44,003 Nine years old. 408 00:27:43,990 --> 00:27:47,259 Did he ever say anything about me, about my habits? 409 00:27:47,129 --> 00:27:50,465 - He said you'd give me what I need. - Give you what you need. 410 00:27:50,332 --> 00:27:55,872 well, I wonder what the hell he meant by that, huh? 411 00:27:56,448 --> 00:27:59,417 No, please. Put that down. 412 00:28:01,862 --> 00:28:05,598 That's much, much better. It's a little medicine. 413 00:28:05,448 --> 00:28:09,884 Now, why don't you fill out this entry form here, 414 00:28:09,707 --> 00:28:12,009 and, uh, let's see what we can do for you. 415 00:28:11,918 --> 00:28:13,919 what would you like? 416 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:17,376 - Haaaa... way- - A sports sedan. For color, uh? 417 00:28:17,234 --> 00:28:20,436 Yeah, metallic gray purple. That should make your mouth water. 418 00:28:20,309 --> 00:28:22,744 That should make life in the passing lane a little more comfortable. 419 00:28:22,647 --> 00:28:25,548 Hawaii. 420 00:28:25,497 --> 00:28:27,565 Hawaii. It's Hawaiian week. 421 00:28:27,482 --> 00:28:30,084 You're eligible for a free trip to Hawaii. 422 00:28:29,981 --> 00:28:32,449 - I don't want to go there. - Just come and sit down. 423 00:28:32,351 --> 00:28:34,352 I want to stay here! 424 00:28:34,273 --> 00:28:37,341 That's all right. You don't have to go. That's all right. 425 00:28:37,218 --> 00:28:41,018 Now, uh, do you have a trade-in? 426 00:28:40,934 --> 00:28:42,868 - A trade? - Yes. 427 00:28:42,856 --> 00:28:45,691 Yes, sir, I'm a homemaker. Honest. 428 00:28:45,578 --> 00:28:49,378 Oh. A homemaker, huh? 429 00:28:49,292 --> 00:28:54,529 Oh, uh, well, maybe a sports sedan isn't quite right for you. 430 00:28:54,321 --> 00:28:58,725 How about a Crown Victoria? One owner, low miles. 431 00:28:58,549 --> 00:29:01,384 Little old lady only drove it to a retirement home. 432 00:29:01,271 --> 00:29:04,974 - You have that for me? - Yes! You just sign right here. 433 00:29:04,826 --> 00:29:07,727 - I'll get you the keys. - Fairyland. 434 00:29:07,612 --> 00:29:09,282 - what? - what? 435 00:29:09,277 --> 00:29:10,945 - what'd you say? - Nothin'. 436 00:29:10,878 --> 00:29:13,179 - I didn't say nothin'. Must have been someb- - Yes,you did. 437 00:29:13,088 --> 00:29:16,958 Goddamn it. I distinctly heard you say f-f- 438 00:29:16,804 --> 00:29:21,507 why'd you say that? Please, help me. I need to know why you said that. 439 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,956 Is that the image? Is that the image? Does it show? 440 00:29:24,810 --> 00:29:28,480 For God's sake, man! Tell me! Does it show? 441 00:29:28,334 --> 00:29:30,335 Please don't tell Dwayne Hoover. 442 00:29:30,256 --> 00:29:32,991 Look, I'm not lost, I swear! I promise. It's just all the colors. 443 00:29:32,881 --> 00:29:34,882 Colors? what colors? 444 00:29:34,803 --> 00:29:37,404 For Christ sake, you have colors on. This is a black suit. 445 00:29:37,300 --> 00:29:40,880 This is a conservative black suit! 446 00:29:50,945 --> 00:29:54,437 Oh. Oh. 447 00:29:54,372 --> 00:29:57,170 Much, much better. 448 00:29:57,124 --> 00:29:59,492 - Now, sit down, Mr. Hoover. - " Bler. " 449 00:29:59,398 --> 00:30:01,399 - " Bler"? - Hoobler. 450 00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:03,989 - Oh. - You see, the good Lord gave us names so close, 451 00:30:03,883 --> 00:30:06,684 so that both of us would know exactly what to do. 452 00:30:06,572 --> 00:30:09,837 Hoobler. Mr. Hoobler. 453 00:30:09,776 --> 00:30:12,006 Now, listen to me. 454 00:30:11,986 --> 00:30:16,457 Now, there are ways to hide these papers permanently. 455 00:30:16,278 --> 00:30:20,681 But you - you must never, ever... 456 00:30:20,569 --> 00:30:24,205 tell anyone about our little talk today. 457 00:30:24,060 --> 00:30:25,894 - Yes, sir. - Oh. 458 00:30:25,822 --> 00:30:28,156 - And thank you, sir. - Oh, thank you. 459 00:30:28,063 --> 00:30:30,064 - Can you do me a favor? - Mm-hmm. 460 00:30:29,984 --> 00:30:33,053 Tell Dwayne Hoover I'll be here bright and early in the morning. 461 00:30:32,931 --> 00:30:35,099 No, no, no. No. wait. You can't come back! 462 00:30:35,013 --> 00:30:37,281 Bright and early! It's my calling! 463 00:30:37,191 --> 00:30:39,391 You can't come back! 464 00:30:44,556 --> 00:30:49,755 One, two, three, four. Hmm. Ah. Ah. 465 00:30:53,236 --> 00:30:55,170 Ah! 466 00:30:56,790 --> 00:30:58,724 Ah. 467 00:31:07,584 --> 00:31:09,518 Hello? 468 00:31:09,506 --> 00:31:12,374 Dwayne knows. Everybody knows. 469 00:31:12,260 --> 00:31:15,196 He wants to see me in his office. what do I do? I'm a nervous wreck. 470 00:31:15,079 --> 00:31:19,616 - Just take a relax. - I've already taken four time capsules! 471 00:31:19,434 --> 00:31:23,437 - Maui beckons. - No, no, no. Please, Grace, please. 472 00:31:23,278 --> 00:31:25,612 This is very, very important. Listen to me. 473 00:31:25,518 --> 00:31:31,323 Harry, what is important is what is, and you are the result of two million biological years. 474 00:31:31,092 --> 00:31:34,027 Don't blow it. I love you. 475 00:31:36,633 --> 00:31:40,865 Ah! Don't blow it, yeah. 476 00:32:11,510 --> 00:32:13,444 Dear Mr. Hoover, 477 00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:17,234 Sugar Creek Estates, of which you are the primary stockholder and chief developer, 478 00:32:17,083 --> 00:32:21,319 will be the subject of a public forum to discuss the toxic soil findings... 479 00:32:21,149 --> 00:32:24,154 beneath the development site. 480 00:32:44,721 --> 00:32:47,417 Midland City, come on. 481 00:32:48,436 --> 00:32:51,237 Oh, how can you stand that smell out there? 482 00:32:51,126 --> 00:32:53,061 Oh, shut the door! 483 00:32:52,983 --> 00:32:56,111 Oof! Oof. 484 00:32:56,058 --> 00:33:01,826 Oh, it's all poisoned now. 485 00:33:01,663 --> 00:33:04,798 Think of the shit most of these factories make. 486 00:33:04,673 --> 00:33:09,838 Raspberry air freshener, gourmet cat food, 487 00:33:09,701 --> 00:33:11,692 plastic doughnuts. 488 00:33:11,688 --> 00:33:13,689 I used to be a conservationist. 489 00:33:13,610 --> 00:33:16,578 Used to weep and wail when I heard about people shooting bald eagles... 490 00:33:16,458 --> 00:33:19,193 from helicopters and all that, but I gave it up. 491 00:33:19,085 --> 00:33:23,656 I laugh about it now. I say, " Up your ass! Man needs its gas!" 492 00:33:23,473 --> 00:33:25,907 You gotta be kiddin' me. 493 00:33:25,811 --> 00:33:28,547 You ever read a story called "Gilgongo"? 494 00:33:28,438 --> 00:33:32,274 About a planet that becomes too unpleasant because there was too much creation going on? 495 00:33:32,121 --> 00:33:34,188 - Gil what? - Gilgongo. 496 00:33:34,106 --> 00:33:37,442 - Extinct. - I gotta take a leak. 497 00:33:37,308 --> 00:33:40,544 I understand that to mean you're gonna steal a mirror. 498 00:33:40,415 --> 00:33:43,316 - Steal a mirror? - Leaks. 499 00:33:43,265 --> 00:33:45,500 The holes between two universes. 500 00:33:45,412 --> 00:33:49,215 Don't get too near to that leak. You don't want to wind up in the other universe, do you? 501 00:33:49,062 --> 00:33:52,664 - Maybe you should take some more time to relax, Gramps. - Time is a joker. 502 00:33:52,521 --> 00:33:55,824 The only solution to any problem is time. How lucky can you get? 503 00:33:55,693 --> 00:33:58,695 All right, that's 23.50 for the diesel. 504 00:33:58,576 --> 00:34:01,044 Don't forget to clean the side leak there. 505 00:34:00,945 --> 00:34:03,179 - The what? - The leak. 506 00:34:03,090 --> 00:34:08,675 - The mirror! - Oh, the mir- Oh, well, that's funny. 507 00:34:09,463 --> 00:34:12,043 what are you lookin' at? 508 00:34:22,049 --> 00:34:25,985 Ah! 509 00:34:58,849 --> 00:35:02,046 Just a- 510 00:35:01,988 --> 00:35:04,568 Just a gosh-darn minute! 511 00:35:10,314 --> 00:35:13,181 Okay! 512 00:35:13,133 --> 00:35:18,070 Dwayne! Uh- 513 00:35:17,936 --> 00:35:23,135 Hey, how's my old army buddy? 514 00:35:22,996 --> 00:35:25,965 As well as can be expected, Harry. 515 00:35:25,848 --> 00:35:30,333 How about you? You having any... problems? 516 00:35:31,931 --> 00:35:35,458 No. No, I, uh- 517 00:35:35,391 --> 00:35:39,418 I don't know how to say it, but- 518 00:35:39,330 --> 00:35:45,105 I guess it started with the Tugboat Annie movie. Yeah? 519 00:35:47,913 --> 00:35:51,349 I don't know. Maybe it was panties on a clothesline... 520 00:35:51,211 --> 00:35:54,513 or Mother's bra in the laundry... 521 00:35:54,382 --> 00:35:57,351 or sister's slip, this silk- 522 00:35:57,234 --> 00:36:01,571 Vernon Garr's wife, Rosemary, thinks Vern is trying to turn her brain into plutonium. 523 00:36:01,397 --> 00:36:05,891 - what do you think of that? - Uh, well- 524 00:36:05,784 --> 00:36:08,844 God! 525 00:36:08,795 --> 00:36:10,729 That's just- 526 00:36:14,911 --> 00:36:17,141 we play around. 527 00:36:17,122 --> 00:36:21,149 Horsey. Dressy. Grace and I. 528 00:36:21,062 --> 00:36:24,759 It's fun, but it's- 529 00:36:24,679 --> 00:36:27,781 It's a private thing. It's in our own house. 530 00:36:27,658 --> 00:36:30,821 we don't- Uh, i-it- 531 00:36:30,765 --> 00:36:33,359 Not- You know- 532 00:36:33,328 --> 00:36:36,229 what's wrong- It's, uh- 533 00:36:36,177 --> 00:36:40,080 we don't have any children, so, you know, why contribute to overpopulation? 534 00:36:39,925 --> 00:36:42,723 Harry, sit down, please. 535 00:36:42,679 --> 00:36:44,613 Sit down! 536 00:36:44,601 --> 00:36:49,231 Okay. Damn it. Oh, geez- 537 00:36:49,116 --> 00:36:52,085 Sit down! 538 00:36:52,030 --> 00:36:55,989 That's good. 539 00:36:55,907 --> 00:36:58,705 You did sit down. 540 00:36:59,621 --> 00:37:02,631 why did you sit down, Harry? 541 00:37:04,041 --> 00:37:06,743 Because you asked me to, Dwayne. 542 00:37:06,636 --> 00:37:09,730 Right. Good. 543 00:37:09,677 --> 00:37:13,480 I asked you to sit down, and you did. You do that, don't you, Harry? 544 00:37:13,328 --> 00:37:16,964 People ask you to do things, and you do that. why is that, Harry? 545 00:37:16,819 --> 00:37:21,688 Uh, what are you saying, Dwayne? 546 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,228 what are you saying, Harry? 547 00:37:24,122 --> 00:37:29,560 well, what I'm saying is that I- 548 00:37:29,406 --> 00:37:31,601 I guess that... 549 00:37:31,583 --> 00:37:35,386 I don't really understand my own statement, you know? 550 00:37:35,235 --> 00:37:39,372 Is that why you're telling people that I've changed, Harry? 551 00:37:39,207 --> 00:37:43,143 Oh, no, no, no. I just said you're behaving a little differently. 552 00:37:42,986 --> 00:37:46,755 It's - I meant it as a compliment. 553 00:37:46,604 --> 00:37:48,605 - You meant it as a compliment. - Yes. 554 00:37:48,525 --> 00:37:51,027 So you weren't happy with the way I was before. 555 00:37:50,929 --> 00:37:53,063 Are you sure this doesn't have anything to do with the fact... 556 00:37:52,977 --> 00:37:55,412 that only you know that I was adopted, Harry? 557 00:37:55,315 --> 00:37:57,249 I want the truth! 558 00:37:57,237 --> 00:38:01,674 Good God, Dwayne, no! Come on. we're army buddies. Army! 559 00:38:01,497 --> 00:38:04,098 You weren't in the army, Harry, remember? 560 00:38:03,994 --> 00:38:07,293 You stayed home. 561 00:38:07,229 --> 00:38:10,062 I was in the Signal Corps. 562 00:38:10,015 --> 00:38:12,916 You were not in the army. 563 00:38:15,556 --> 00:38:17,490 Harry. 564 00:38:23,499 --> 00:38:29,203 I have never let the fact that you have the name of a Buick come between us. 565 00:38:28,975 --> 00:38:31,310 - Have I, Harry? - No. 566 00:38:31,217 --> 00:38:33,385 - Because you can't help that. - No. 567 00:38:33,299 --> 00:38:35,300 - It's not your fault. - Right. 568 00:38:35,222 --> 00:38:37,990 - You can't change that, can you, Harry? - Mm-mm. 569 00:38:37,878 --> 00:38:41,974 But this is Hawaiian week. 570 00:38:41,883 --> 00:38:43,817 Yeah. 571 00:38:43,804 --> 00:38:45,905 I suggest you go get with Vernon Garr. 572 00:38:45,822 --> 00:38:48,057 Have him get you some cotton waste. 573 00:38:47,968 --> 00:38:50,002 Soak it in blue Sunoco. 574 00:38:49,921 --> 00:38:54,824 And I want you to burn your entire wardrobe. 575 00:38:54,693 --> 00:38:57,061 - Do you understand what I'm saying? - Yeah. 576 00:38:56,967 --> 00:39:00,903 Now, look, in the old days, 577 00:39:00,811 --> 00:39:04,580 when we first started selling new cars, we sold them to older people. 578 00:39:04,429 --> 00:39:08,999 Under those circumstances, it was perfectly all right to dress the way you dress. 579 00:39:08,817 --> 00:39:11,186 Hey, you could dress like a mortician. 580 00:39:11,091 --> 00:39:15,260 You could dress like my Aunt Clarice for that matter. 581 00:39:15,094 --> 00:39:18,291 But doggone it, Harry! 582 00:39:18,233 --> 00:39:20,968 You seem to be forgetting something! 583 00:39:20,859 --> 00:39:25,863 we are selling the most aggressively designed automobile on the road today... 584 00:39:25,663 --> 00:39:29,533 for people that are looking for unsurpassed driving excitement. 585 00:39:29,378 --> 00:39:33,848 But look at you. You're dressed like an undertaker. 586 00:39:33,670 --> 00:39:36,005 Now, Harry, I have some good news. 587 00:39:35,912 --> 00:39:39,614 Modern science has given us a whole new wonderful array of colors... 588 00:39:39,466 --> 00:39:44,871 with exciting names like red, blue, orange, yellow, pink. 589 00:39:44,654 --> 00:39:49,591 - Ah. - Am I making myself clear? 590 00:39:57,658 --> 00:40:00,760 why don't you come right out and say it, Dwayne? 591 00:40:00,637 --> 00:40:02,571 Say what, Harry? 592 00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:09,673 That I like to wear women's clothes. 593 00:40:09,539 --> 00:40:15,307 - Is that what you like, Harry? - Yeah. 594 00:40:15,144 --> 00:40:17,078 Yeah. 595 00:40:18,602 --> 00:40:22,060 No. No. 596 00:40:21,998 --> 00:40:26,935 No, no, no, no. well- 597 00:40:29,748 --> 00:40:32,876 Not exactly. 598 00:40:32,822 --> 00:40:35,457 Then why do you want me to say you like to wear women's clothes, Harry? 599 00:40:35,353 --> 00:40:38,989 I don't, Dwayne. I don't. I swear to God I don't. 600 00:40:38,844 --> 00:40:41,479 Then what are you saying? 601 00:40:41,374 --> 00:40:44,042 I'll change. I'll change. 602 00:40:43,936 --> 00:40:48,006 - You'll change? - Yes. 603 00:40:47,843 --> 00:40:49,844 - I have your word on that? - Absolutely. 604 00:40:49,765 --> 00:40:52,067 It's Hawaiian week. I've got to be able to count on you. 605 00:40:51,975 --> 00:40:53,909 Yes, you can. 606 00:40:53,897 --> 00:40:55,964 - So you change. - Mm-hmm. 607 00:40:55,882 --> 00:40:58,317 - And don't you worry about me changing. - No, no, no, no. 608 00:40:58,221 --> 00:41:00,789 - That's fair, isn't it? - Oh, absolutely. That's more than fair. 609 00:41:00,686 --> 00:41:03,488 - That's not too much to ask. - No, no, no. 610 00:41:03,376 --> 00:41:05,844 Good God, no. 611 00:41:05,810 --> 00:41:10,008 And I wanna be friends like before. 612 00:41:11,672 --> 00:41:14,539 - Friends? - Yeah. 613 00:41:14,489 --> 00:41:16,923 - Buddies? - Buddies. 614 00:41:18,013 --> 00:41:20,253 - Buddies. - Buddies. 615 00:41:21,504 --> 00:41:25,084 - You can go, Harry. - All right. 616 00:41:25,283 --> 00:41:28,844 - Right now. - Oh. Yes. 617 00:41:28,774 --> 00:41:31,834 Yes, yes, Dwayne. 618 00:41:34,890 --> 00:41:36,824 Buddies. 619 00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:51,137 Francine. 620 00:41:51,032 --> 00:41:54,668 He said I dress like an undertaker. 621 00:41:54,524 --> 00:41:57,159 Oh, I thought he was gonna bring up- 622 00:41:57,053 --> 00:42:01,456 Just remember, Harry. Dwayne Hoover is the best employer in town. 623 00:42:01,281 --> 00:42:03,215 Ah! 624 00:42:06,277 --> 00:42:09,179 From the most beautiful place in the worid... 625 00:42:09,062 --> 00:42:13,199 comes the most exotic tanning product in the worid. 626 00:42:13,035 --> 00:42:15,469 Hawaiian Tropic. 627 00:42:15,436 --> 00:42:18,536 Natural oils, tropical fruits, 628 00:42:18,448 --> 00:42:22,017 flora, nuts and protective sun screens. 629 00:42:21,874 --> 00:42:25,504 Created by one man for one reason. 630 00:42:25,397 --> 00:42:29,128 White is for laundry. 631 00:42:31,321 --> 00:42:33,923 "Thank you for calling Dwayne Hoover's Exit 11 Motor Village, 632 00:42:33,820 --> 00:42:36,354 the number-one dealership in the Four Corners area, 633 00:42:36,254 --> 00:42:40,057 where we are celebrating Hawaiian week with free prizes and big discounts. " 634 00:42:39,905 --> 00:42:42,440 This is Francine Pefko. How may I help you? 635 00:42:42,338 --> 00:42:44,568 Francine. 636 00:42:44,548 --> 00:42:47,176 Dwayne? 637 00:42:47,143 --> 00:42:50,712 I want you to walk out of here with me this very moment... 638 00:42:50,569 --> 00:42:53,271 and go to the Best western Apollo Inn in Shepherdstown. 639 00:42:53,164 --> 00:42:57,294 Mr. Hoover! 640 00:42:57,199 --> 00:43:01,035 You ought to have some crazy teenager who can run off with you whenever you want her to. 641 00:43:00,882 --> 00:43:06,517 I don't want a crazy teenager, Francine. I want you! 642 00:43:10,554 --> 00:43:14,057 - who's this knucklehead, Harry? - It's wayne Hoobler. 643 00:43:13,918 --> 00:43:15,952 He's a friend of Dwayne's. 644 00:43:15,871 --> 00:43:18,906 - Take good care of him, will ya? - He looks like a good guy. 645 00:43:18,784 --> 00:43:21,453 How ya doin', buddy? wanna take her for a spin? 646 00:43:21,348 --> 00:43:25,017 - Four-door, 429- - Hey, Mr. Hoover! 647 00:43:24,871 --> 00:43:27,533 what say? 648 00:43:27,496 --> 00:43:30,164 This key entry thing- It's a four digit- 649 00:43:30,058 --> 00:43:35,062 Oh! Be right back, fellas. we're just going to the... bank. 650 00:43:34,863 --> 00:43:38,321 Maybe stop for a... snack. 651 00:43:40,082 --> 00:43:43,118 I'll be here when you get back, Mr. Hoover. You can count on it. 652 00:43:42,998 --> 00:43:48,778 You could fry an egg on this engine if you wanted to. 653 00:43:53,182 --> 00:43:55,548 Extinct. Gilgongo. 654 00:43:56,929 --> 00:44:01,099 The bull elephant makes his way inexorably... 655 00:44:00,932 --> 00:44:04,835 for what he knows to be his own certain death. 656 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,513 Slouching, as it were, 657 00:44:07,466 --> 00:44:11,381 to what's his own personal Bethlehem. 658 00:44:17,010 --> 00:44:19,342 Gilgongo! 659 00:44:19,316 --> 00:44:24,471 Oh, I love the smell of raspberry air freshener. 660 00:44:24,536 --> 00:44:28,996 Hmm. TV helps me relax. 661 00:44:28,891 --> 00:44:33,419 we sure do want you relaxed, Francine. 662 00:44:33,311 --> 00:44:35,312 - Hmm! - That's for sure. 663 00:44:35,233 --> 00:44:38,235 Now why would a thin good-looking man like that... 664 00:44:38,116 --> 00:44:40,641 love a woman so heavy? 665 00:44:40,614 --> 00:44:44,550 - Come up here. - Now, welcome to The Monty Rapid Show... 666 00:44:44,391 --> 00:44:47,588 with Mr. Monty Rapid. 667 00:44:47,531 --> 00:44:51,701 Thank you, my old friend Virgil, and welcome, everyone, to The Monty Rapid Show. 668 00:44:51,534 --> 00:44:55,604 Today it is my great privilege to have here in the studio as my guest... 669 00:44:55,441 --> 00:45:00,178 - Mr. Fred T. Barry, one of Midland City's great leaders, - Look! It's Fred T. Barry. 670 00:44:59,989 --> 00:45:02,324 also one of its wealthiest. 671 00:45:02,232 --> 00:45:04,800 - Mr. Barry has joined us- - I love you, Dwayne. 672 00:45:04,698 --> 00:45:06,866 No, Francine, don't. Don't. 673 00:45:06,779 --> 00:45:08,780 I know I promised never to say it, 674 00:45:08,701 --> 00:45:12,904 but it's a promise I can't help breaking all the time. 675 00:45:12,736 --> 00:45:14,670 Francine, please! 676 00:45:14,658 --> 00:45:18,127 I know the subject is painful for you, 677 00:45:17,988 --> 00:45:21,657 ever since your wife started acting... crazy. 678 00:45:21,511 --> 00:45:23,713 - That's enough! - Oh! 679 00:45:23,626 --> 00:45:28,429 Can you tell the listening audience what they should expect from your -our art festival? 680 00:45:28,236 --> 00:45:32,639 Art, Monty. They can expect art. 681 00:45:32,529 --> 00:45:34,663 when I go to heaven- 682 00:45:34,579 --> 00:45:39,883 on Judgment Day and they ask me what bad things I did down here, 683 00:45:39,670 --> 00:45:42,539 I'm gonna have to tell them, well- 684 00:45:42,425 --> 00:45:44,993 A little art, Monty, can go a long way. 685 00:45:44,891 --> 00:45:48,260 It was a promise I made to a man I loved... 686 00:45:48,126 --> 00:45:50,127 and I kept breaking it all the time. 687 00:45:50,047 --> 00:45:53,616 Francine, let's just drop the whole subject. 688 00:45:53,473 --> 00:45:57,432 I promised never to say- 689 00:45:57,350 --> 00:45:59,818 - Francine, please, just don't say those- - I love you! 690 00:45:59,720 --> 00:46:03,289 - "The greatest living writer in the English language. " - Love, love, love, love. 691 00:46:03,146 --> 00:46:06,582 - Hmm. - Twist me a bit. 692 00:46:06,509 --> 00:46:10,809 Kilgore Trout. 693 00:46:10,705 --> 00:46:13,373 - Mr. Kilgore Trout. - You work so hard. 694 00:46:13,266 --> 00:46:17,269 - Kilgore Trout. - was a man, I'd be tense all the time too. 695 00:46:17,109 --> 00:46:22,880 Kilgore Trout. 696 00:46:22,714 --> 00:46:24,715 People, stick around. 697 00:46:24,635 --> 00:46:27,637 We'll be right back in a rapid moment right after this important message. 698 00:46:27,519 --> 00:46:29,453 Dwayne? 699 00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:31,775 Remember when we bundled up baby George... 700 00:46:31,682 --> 00:46:35,418 and took him for his first ride in the station wagon? 701 00:46:35,268 --> 00:46:38,103 - He was so happy. - You work so hard, honey. 702 00:46:37,991 --> 00:46:40,426 Maybe that's why God created women: 703 00:46:40,329 --> 00:46:42,630 to help men relax from time to time. 704 00:46:42,539 --> 00:46:46,942 You feel better now, dear? 705 00:46:46,830 --> 00:46:48,764 Good. 706 00:46:48,751 --> 00:46:52,621 Oh, darn. Oh, I promised Gloria I'd be back in one hour. 707 00:46:52,468 --> 00:46:56,237 The perfect blast, six feet of choice meats, 708 00:46:56,087 --> 00:46:58,612 real dairy cheese. 709 00:46:58,584 --> 00:47:01,152 You know, this would be the perfect location... 710 00:47:01,050 --> 00:47:07,050 for a fried chicken franchise right here next to the prison. 711 00:47:08,032 --> 00:47:12,369 Dwayne,you're makin'a face like a rattlesnake. 712 00:47:12,196 --> 00:47:14,562 Ah! 713 00:47:14,533 --> 00:47:16,768 Today we're turning out the deals that beat the band- 714 00:47:16,679 --> 00:47:19,375 - Aha what? - Francine! 715 00:47:19,337 --> 00:47:22,940 Next time you want to ask me for a gift, do me a favor... 716 00:47:22,797 --> 00:47:27,167 and don't hint around until after we are done making love. 717 00:47:26,992 --> 00:47:31,329 I like to keep my lovemaking and my gift giving separate! 718 00:47:31,155 --> 00:47:33,423 Dwayne, I don't even know what it is you think I want. 719 00:47:33,333 --> 00:47:35,567 I don't even know what it is you think I want, Dwayne! 720 00:47:35,479 --> 00:47:38,081 - why are you doing this to me? - God bless America! 721 00:47:37,977 --> 00:47:40,044 Every woman has her price, Francine. 722 00:47:39,963 --> 00:47:43,132 Yours just happens to be dollar200,000 with parking and lights! 723 00:47:43,005 --> 00:47:47,275 It's not for me. It's for you. Everything I want is for you! 724 00:47:47,104 --> 00:47:52,208 It's not for me. It's for you! Everything I want is for you, Dwayne! 725 00:47:52,005 --> 00:47:55,031 Harry Le Sabre was right! 726 00:47:54,982 --> 00:47:57,884 He said you'd changed, and, my God, you've changed. 727 00:47:57,770 --> 00:48:01,831 Dwayne Hoover, you have changed! 728 00:48:04,110 --> 00:48:08,113 I'm sorry I was so cross with you, Francine. 729 00:48:07,954 --> 00:48:10,622 I don't know what's wrong with me. 730 00:48:10,516 --> 00:48:16,516 You're the most loyal and unselfish person I've ever known in my whole life. 731 00:48:17,466 --> 00:48:19,593 I'm so sorry. 732 00:48:20,541 --> 00:48:22,475 Please forgive me. 733 00:48:26,337 --> 00:48:30,302 - I'm so confused. - Oh, we all are. 734 00:48:30,661 --> 00:48:33,930 I'm just looking for somebody to steer me in the right direction, 735 00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:35,734 just a sign. 736 00:48:35,721 --> 00:48:37,922 I just need somebody to talk to. That's all. 737 00:48:37,834 --> 00:48:40,200 well, here, baby. 738 00:48:40,173 --> 00:48:45,304 Sit here and tell Mommy everything. 739 00:48:45,170 --> 00:48:47,138 Okay. 740 00:48:47,122 --> 00:48:53,027 - Then, tell me, please. - Tell you what, my sweetheart? 741 00:48:52,791 --> 00:48:54,792 what life is about. 742 00:48:54,713 --> 00:48:59,309 Oh, only God knows that, Dwayne, only God. 743 00:48:59,197 --> 00:49:02,860 God, God, God, God. 744 00:49:05,378 --> 00:49:08,575 - Francine? - Hmm? 745 00:49:08,516 --> 00:49:12,086 Did I ever tell you about my trip to headquarters in Michigan? 746 00:49:11,943 --> 00:49:15,111 - when you won the Golden Sales Award? - Yes. 747 00:49:14,985 --> 00:49:16,919 Mm-mm. 748 00:49:16,907 --> 00:49:19,976 I was given a tour of the research facility. 749 00:49:19,854 --> 00:49:23,223 - Do you know what impressed me the most? - what? 750 00:49:23,088 --> 00:49:27,125 The place where they do everything to cars that you're not supposed to do to cars. 751 00:49:26,965 --> 00:49:30,600 I remember seeing a sign on the door of the building... 752 00:49:30,455 --> 00:49:33,845 where they did all this torture. 753 00:49:34,457 --> 00:49:37,937 It said, " Destructive Testing. " 754 00:49:39,262 --> 00:49:45,262 I remember looking at that sign and thinking, is this what I'm here for, 755 00:49:46,564 --> 00:49:52,294 to see just how much a man can take without breaking? 756 00:49:53,770 --> 00:49:56,639 I've lost my way, Francine. 757 00:49:56,524 --> 00:49:58,890 Oh. 758 00:49:58,863 --> 00:50:00,864 Take my hand and lead me out of the woods. 759 00:50:00,785 --> 00:50:03,553 - You're just tired, honey. - I'm way beyond tired. 760 00:50:03,442 --> 00:50:06,878 we're here visiting with Fred T. Barry- 761 00:50:06,741 --> 00:50:09,876 Maybe we should take you to see a doctor? 762 00:50:09,751 --> 00:50:12,119 I don't need to hear what a doctor has to say, Francine. 763 00:50:12,025 --> 00:50:15,862 I've heard what every person in Midland City's had to say twice. 764 00:50:15,709 --> 00:50:18,644 which one of us would you like, Dwayne? 765 00:50:18,526 --> 00:50:20,994 Which one of us would you like, Dwayne? 766 00:50:20,897 --> 00:50:22,898 - Would you like, Dwayne? - Dwayne? 767 00:50:22,818 --> 00:50:26,413 Dwayne! what is it? Dwayne! 768 00:50:26,341 --> 00:50:30,177 I need to hear truths I haven't heard before. 769 00:50:30,024 --> 00:50:32,393 I may need to speak to someone from another planet. 770 00:50:32,299 --> 00:50:37,303 - The function of the artist is to triumph over life. - Snuggies! 771 00:50:37,103 --> 00:50:39,162 It certainly is. 772 00:50:39,152 --> 00:50:43,022 what about the writers and artists coming to Midland City? 773 00:50:42,867 --> 00:50:46,402 - what? - Maybe you should talk to one of them. 774 00:50:46,262 --> 00:50:50,365 - Mr. Kilgore Trout. - Kilgore Trout. wow. 775 00:50:50,201 --> 00:50:52,135 Kilgore Trout. 776 00:50:52,122 --> 00:50:56,354 Bunny, Bunny Hoover 777 00:50:56,255 --> 00:50:58,856 Bunny, the crooner, Hoover 778 00:50:58,752 --> 00:51:01,186 Mr. Rhythm Mover 779 00:51:01,154 --> 00:51:03,155 Let me have a vodka cranberry, will ya? 780 00:51:03,076 --> 00:51:05,077 - Got a bladder infection. - Right. 781 00:51:04,998 --> 00:51:08,934 Weekdays to please at Best Western Apollo Inn and Lounge 782 00:51:08,777 --> 00:51:11,337 And sometimes 783 00:51:11,307 --> 00:51:14,799 So I don't have to scrounge 784 00:51:14,733 --> 00:51:17,634 At the competition 785 00:51:17,584 --> 00:51:19,518 Yeah 786 00:51:19,506 --> 00:51:22,208 - I'm sure that's enough hair spray, Francine. - Dwayne,just- 787 00:51:22,101 --> 00:51:24,296 Fine. Looks fine. 788 00:51:26,423 --> 00:51:29,620 - Hi. - Checking out so soon? 789 00:51:29,562 --> 00:51:32,258 You just got here. 790 00:51:32,221 --> 00:51:35,523 Hey, everybody, now here's a must. 791 00:51:35,391 --> 00:51:40,161 - In the lobby it's Dwayne Hoover, the man you can trust. - Dwayne? 792 00:51:39,971 --> 00:51:44,174 And there's the lovely Francine Pefko, Daddy's secretary from the get-go. 793 00:51:44,006 --> 00:51:47,442 - Dwayne, isn't that your son George? - Yes, that's George. 794 00:51:47,304 --> 00:51:51,400 Can do Francine, I can do 795 00:51:51,308 --> 00:51:53,888 Can do a little treasure 796 00:51:53,807 --> 00:51:56,375 - Come on. Let's go. - Hi, George. 797 00:51:56,273 --> 00:51:58,875 - we're leaving. - For your and Daddy's pleasure 798 00:51:58,770 --> 00:52:02,506 I didn't know he was in show business or that he had a show business name like Bunny. 799 00:52:02,358 --> 00:52:06,055 Bunny Hoover can do 800 00:52:05,977 --> 00:52:09,913 Yeah 801 00:52:09,819 --> 00:52:12,554 You're loaded with talent, kid. You know that. 802 00:52:12,445 --> 00:52:14,845 - Yeah? - Absolutely. 803 00:52:21,284 --> 00:52:24,009 It's just a big elephant! 804 00:52:25,097 --> 00:52:27,031 Sir? Officer? 805 00:52:29,196 --> 00:52:34,667 Did you ever wonder how they get each one to taste exactly the same? 806 00:52:34,448 --> 00:52:38,351 Of course, you don't. You've got too many other things on your mind, bigger things. 807 00:52:38,195 --> 00:52:41,430 I just pray each Sunday that I'll be taken care of, but you ask questions. 808 00:52:41,301 --> 00:52:43,691 what is going on here? 809 00:52:46,395 --> 00:52:48,529 Everything all right, Mother? 810 00:52:48,443 --> 00:52:52,311 Mom? Mom! 811 00:52:52,222 --> 00:52:54,156 Mother! 812 00:53:02,632 --> 00:53:04,964 That's Dwayne Hoover. 813 00:53:06,475 --> 00:53:09,844 - Hmm! Look, it's Fred T. Barry. - Hello, Dwayne! 814 00:53:09,710 --> 00:53:13,669 And we just saw him on televisi๏ฟฝn. 815 00:53:13,585 --> 00:53:16,520 we've located worid Classics Library. 816 00:53:16,402 --> 00:53:19,605 what is worid Classics Library? 817 00:53:19,478 --> 00:53:22,198 Kilgore Trout's publisher. 818 00:53:22,968 --> 00:53:25,737 - Mmm! Listen. - This is Fred T. Barry. 819 00:53:25,626 --> 00:53:31,164 It's Fred T. Barry on the radio, and he's right next to us. 820 00:53:30,943 --> 00:53:33,111 Do you suppose that means something, Dwayne? 821 00:53:33,025 --> 00:53:36,035 Mother, who is 94 this week. 822 00:53:35,972 --> 00:53:40,843 The keynote speaker will be none other than the noted novelist Mr. Kilgore Trout. 823 00:53:40,648 --> 00:53:42,707 Kilgore Trout! 824 00:53:42,696 --> 00:53:45,765 You're going to get us killed! 825 00:53:45,643 --> 00:53:50,842 - Francine! Take a memo! - Mr. Hoover! 826 00:53:50,704 --> 00:53:53,606 - Turn around,jackass! - what are you, nuts? 827 00:53:53,490 --> 00:53:56,625 I want to meet with Kilgore Trout this weekend when he comes to Midland City. 828 00:53:56,501 --> 00:53:59,837 You better start driving sensibly, A.S.A.P., and I am not kidding! 829 00:53:59,703 --> 00:54:02,808 Just take the gosh-darn memo! 830 00:54:07,262 --> 00:54:12,199 Oh! what kind of name is Kilgore Trout? 831 00:54:12,066 --> 00:54:16,836 On the planet, everything is reversed. It's chaos. 832 00:54:16,646 --> 00:54:21,450 And the inhabitants live under the snow to keep warm. 833 00:54:21,257 --> 00:54:25,557 They've evolved nail- 834 00:54:26,830 --> 00:54:30,432 They've evolved nails under what we would call their feet. 835 00:54:30,289 --> 00:54:34,793 They're quadrupods, and they got eight nails so they don't slip. 836 00:54:34,613 --> 00:54:37,648 And the sun - They don't go in the sun, because the sun's reversed. 837 00:54:37,526 --> 00:54:41,591 It's cold. It's a cold sun. Cold sun. 838 00:54:41,435 --> 00:54:44,097 Chaos. It's chaos. 839 00:54:44,060 --> 00:54:49,210 Everything's kind of backwards. "Soahc. Soahc. " 840 00:54:52,114 --> 00:54:55,350 Eliot, I have come to discuss the arts festival... 841 00:54:55,221 --> 00:54:59,419 and the arrangements for the El Greco. 842 00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:04,691 - Did you find the writer? Kilgore Trout? - Yes, we did. 843 00:55:04,477 --> 00:55:09,676 wonderful. I-Is he coming here to Midland City? 844 00:55:09,537 --> 00:55:12,772 - Yes, Eliot, he is. - wonderful. 845 00:55:12,643 --> 00:55:18,281 Eliot, do you know where Kilgore Trout stories appear? 846 00:55:18,055 --> 00:55:22,754 They appear in porno smut magazines. 847 00:55:22,636 --> 00:55:25,036 Tell him, Howell. 848 00:55:25,006 --> 00:55:29,943 Yes, sir. Whips and Other Trips, Hard Thing and Black Garter Belt. 849 00:55:29,745 --> 00:55:35,240 You mean, uh, like this? 850 00:55:37,401 --> 00:55:41,531 What I know is that Kilgore Trout... 851 00:55:41,436 --> 00:55:46,373 should win the Nobel prize for literature. 852 00:55:49,411 --> 00:55:51,402 Kilgore Trout, 853 00:55:51,396 --> 00:56:02,832 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout, 854 00:56:02,444 --> 00:56:04,445 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout. 855 00:56:04,366 --> 00:56:09,167 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore- 856 00:56:18,073 --> 00:56:22,844 To enhance your life, Panasonic technology brings you information. 857 00:56:22,654 --> 00:56:27,424 What you may not know is we also bring you the long-lasting high performance batteries you need. 858 00:56:27,233 --> 00:56:29,301 The Plus Alkaline battery from Panasonic. 859 00:56:29,219 --> 00:56:33,849 - This guy looks forward to only one thing. 860 00:56:34,536 --> 00:56:37,471 Twelve people were overcome by toxic fumes this morning... 861 00:56:37,353 --> 00:56:40,822 and were evacuated from their homes at Sugar Creek Estates. 862 00:56:40,684 --> 00:56:43,346 Celia? 863 00:56:43,311 --> 00:56:49,311 - Sure, we're having good times, but what if? - Are you really there? 864 00:56:50,133 --> 00:56:54,103 - They're not happy. - Bills were adding up and then there's Scott's new school, 865 00:56:53,944 --> 00:56:56,512 but we thought, hey, we can handle this. 866 00:56:56,410 --> 00:57:00,613 Then John's company downsized, soJohn's trying to find a new job. 867 00:57:00,445 --> 00:57:04,472 That's right. Nobody's happy. 868 00:57:04,385 --> 00:57:08,654 They're just trying to sell you something. 869 00:57:08,483 --> 00:57:12,544 But they're together, a real family. 870 00:57:12,455 --> 00:57:14,256 we're gonna be okay. 871 00:57:14,185 --> 00:57:18,021 They're not a real family. They're not real. They're not real people. 872 00:57:17,868 --> 00:57:21,270 Real people worry about being surprised, Celia. 873 00:57:21,134 --> 00:57:26,105 They worry about people jumping out at them, shouting their name at inappropriate times. 874 00:57:25,906 --> 00:57:28,040 They worry about being carted off to the bughouse. 875 00:57:27,956 --> 00:57:29,991 we've been taking care of people for more than 35 years. 876 00:57:29,910 --> 00:57:33,746 - Now they're happy. - Celia, snap out of it! 877 00:57:33,593 --> 00:57:39,198 They're not real, okay? Real people don't stand around in the grass like that. 878 00:57:38,974 --> 00:57:41,041 They're not real. They're just lying to you. 879 00:57:40,959 --> 00:57:46,330 They're hired to lie to you. That's their job on TV! You can't trust these people. 880 00:57:46,115 --> 00:57:49,418 Dwayne Hoover slashing prices. We're going bananas down here for Hawaiian Week. 881 00:57:49,286 --> 00:57:52,922 Hey, ask anybody. You can trust Dwayne Hoover. 882 00:57:52,777 --> 00:57:55,177 I'd trust you, Dwayne. 883 00:57:55,147 --> 00:58:00,483 - If only you'd tell me which... Dwayne to trust. 884 00:58:00,335 --> 00:58:03,003 what is that supposed to mean, hmm? Hmm, Celia? 885 00:58:02,897 --> 00:58:05,132 Is that another one of your little secret messages? 886 00:58:05,043 --> 00:58:07,811 Are you telling me that you're leaving me, Celia? Is that it? 887 00:58:07,700 --> 00:58:10,702 'Cause if you're telling me that just go ahead and tell me, because I can take it. 888 00:58:10,583 --> 00:58:12,618 I can take almost anything these days. 889 00:58:12,538 --> 00:58:14,872 I feel pretty much alone most of the time anyway, to tell you the truth. 890 00:58:14,779 --> 00:58:17,649 what I'm trying to say is, 891 00:58:17,565 --> 00:58:21,831 whether we're together... or apart... 892 00:58:24,163 --> 00:58:26,788 the moments between us... 893 00:58:28,134 --> 00:58:31,661 have always existed... 894 00:58:33,034 --> 00:58:35,332 and will always... 895 00:58:41,746 --> 00:58:43,714 Famalton, 896 00:58:43,699 --> 00:58:48,636 - the easy formula for stress relief. - exist. 897 00:58:48,504 --> 00:58:53,669 Make each day as good as the best day. 898 00:58:53,531 --> 00:58:55,465 Mmm! 899 00:58:56,639 --> 00:58:58,773 So you see what I'm saying about management, kid. 900 00:58:58,688 --> 00:59:00,989 You just need a little guidance- 901 00:59:00,897 --> 00:59:03,866 Jesus. That sounded like a gunshot. 902 00:59:03,748 --> 00:59:09,048 - Mommy! - wait a minute, kid. I'll come with ya. 903 00:59:10,121 --> 00:59:14,891 - Pops, don't shoot. It's me. - Don't shoot me either. 904 00:59:14,701 --> 00:59:17,370 I'm interested in handling his act. This isn't the first time I've had a gun pointed- 905 00:59:17,263 --> 00:59:19,631 Don't light that in here. This is a nonsmoking household. 906 00:59:19,537 --> 00:59:22,072 Fair enough. I'll be outside when you're ready, Bunny. 907 00:59:21,971 --> 00:59:25,216 - His name's George! - George. 908 00:59:28,089 --> 00:59:30,489 Did you shoot Mommy? 909 00:59:30,459 --> 00:59:35,263 You were elected cadet colonel at the Prairie Military Academy. 910 00:59:35,070 --> 00:59:37,938 It was the highest rank you could achieve in your senior year. 911 00:59:37,824 --> 00:59:40,960 It was supposed to make a man out of you. 912 00:59:40,835 --> 00:59:43,169 why would I want that? 913 00:59:43,077 --> 00:59:47,282 what men do is so often cruel and ugly. 914 00:59:49,643 --> 00:59:54,580 You looked like your mother just then. 915 00:59:54,446 --> 00:59:56,573 Oh, baby. 916 00:59:59,955 --> 01:00:02,423 Go to your room. 917 01:00:02,388 --> 01:00:04,549 Yes, sir. 918 01:00:26,794 --> 01:00:31,097 The asshole of the universe ain't Midland City. It's Libertyville, Georgia. 919 01:00:30,924 --> 01:00:35,695 - You ever seen Libertyville? - No, haven't had the pleasure. 920 01:00:35,506 --> 01:00:39,041 Yeah, about ten years ago I got caught in a speed trap down there. 921 01:00:38,899 --> 01:00:42,335 Got a little mad and took a swing at the cop. They put me in jail. 922 01:00:42,197 --> 01:00:45,030 Hmm. 923 01:00:44,984 --> 01:00:47,219 Main industry down there is pulping. 924 01:00:47,131 --> 01:00:50,933 Got trucks bringing in hundreds of tons of unwanted printed material... 925 01:00:50,780 --> 01:00:52,982 to Libertyville every day. 926 01:00:52,895 --> 01:00:54,929 - Paper pulping. - Yeah, paper pulping. 927 01:00:54,849 --> 01:00:58,185 They got so many books down there, they use it for toilet paper. 928 01:00:58,052 --> 01:01:00,920 I sat in jail for two days with nothing to do but read my toilet paper. 929 01:01:00,806 --> 01:01:02,807 I still remember one of the stories that I read. 930 01:01:02,727 --> 01:01:05,095 This story was about as crazy as anything you ever come across. 931 01:01:05,001 --> 01:01:07,803 It was the last story I ever read, as a matter of fact. 932 01:01:07,691 --> 01:01:11,260 It was about another planet where some government guy... 933 01:01:11,118 --> 01:01:16,056 used a roulette wheel to decide which artwork to put in the museums and which to keep out. 934 01:01:15,858 --> 01:01:18,326 The roulette wheel is rigged, and then the guy- 935 01:01:18,228 --> 01:01:22,398 - This whatever you call, uh, uh- - The Barring-gaffner. 936 01:01:22,232 --> 01:01:26,191 Yeah, the Barring - Yeah. Yeah! 937 01:01:26,106 --> 01:01:29,837 Hey! That's right. 938 01:01:29,758 --> 01:01:32,359 The toilet paper you read in the Libertyville jail was... 939 01:01:32,256 --> 01:01:35,225 The Barring-gaffner of Bagnialto... 940 01:01:35,105 --> 01:01:38,240 or This Year's Masterpiece By Kilgore Trout. 941 01:01:38,116 --> 01:01:41,986 - You actually read that thing? - Yeah, of course I read it. 942 01:01:41,832 --> 01:01:44,834 Boy, what is his name? Trout? 943 01:01:44,715 --> 01:01:46,716 He must be half cracked, don't you think? 944 01:01:46,636 --> 01:01:50,639 well, he, uh, was self-educated, if that's what you mean. 945 01:01:50,479 --> 01:01:54,615 He didn't finish high school, but he could quote Shakespeare. 946 01:01:54,451 --> 01:01:57,954 "All the worid's a stage. All the men and women are merely players. " 947 01:01:57,812 --> 01:02:01,908 Yeah. Didn't make any sense. 948 01:02:01,816 --> 01:02:05,013 It was chaos. 949 01:02:04,956 --> 01:02:07,447 You got that right. 950 01:02:11,488 --> 01:02:17,488 why would you ever read that nutty story if you didn't have to? 951 01:02:24,139 --> 01:02:26,107 why? 952 01:02:26,093 --> 01:02:30,863 It takes all kinds of people to make up a worid. 953 01:02:30,672 --> 01:02:34,005 Dwayne Hoover! Dwayne Hoover! 954 01:02:33,940 --> 01:02:39,285 Hey, folks, it's me. Dwayne Hoover! Dwayne Hoover! 955 01:03:00,713 --> 01:03:03,773 Ooh! 956 01:03:03,724 --> 01:03:09,219 Good morning, Mr. Hoover! 957 01:03:09,073 --> 01:03:12,804 Good morning, Mr. Hoover. 958 01:03:16,118 --> 01:03:18,119 - Dwayne Hoover! - Dwayne Hoover! 959 01:03:18,040 --> 01:03:20,709 Mr. Hoover, we are interested in something that hauls like a truck, 960 01:03:20,602 --> 01:03:22,903 but drives like a luxury sedan. 961 01:03:22,812 --> 01:03:25,514 Yeah, yeah, and with convenience at our fingertips. 962 01:03:25,406 --> 01:03:28,408 Gonna get a TV set today. I swear, maybe you might come over for dinner. 963 01:03:28,289 --> 01:03:31,486 Dinner, dinner, dinner. 964 01:03:33,349 --> 01:03:35,450 - Tell me something. - Yeah? 965 01:03:35,367 --> 01:03:38,369 Take a look over - over there. 966 01:03:38,249 --> 01:03:40,450 - You see the young man... - Yeah. 967 01:03:40,362 --> 01:03:42,697 wearing a suit, five, ten and a half? 968 01:03:42,604 --> 01:03:44,872 - Yeah. - Yes. - Good. 969 01:03:44,782 --> 01:03:48,184 Go talk to him. He'll take good care of ya. 970 01:03:48,048 --> 01:03:50,683 But, Mr. Hoover, we want to buy a car from you! 971 01:03:50,578 --> 01:03:52,739 You! You! You! 972 01:03:52,725 --> 01:03:56,354 Oh. 973 01:03:58,809 --> 01:04:01,573 Oh. Ah. 974 01:04:01,531 --> 01:04:05,297 Oh! 975 01:04:05,215 --> 01:04:07,274 Okay! 976 01:04:10,787 --> 01:04:14,120 Oh. 977 01:04:16,649 --> 01:04:18,583 Oh, God. 978 01:04:29,524 --> 01:04:34,393 Dwayne! Buddies. 979 01:04:39,260 --> 01:04:42,963 Princes, pa-poo-la Have plenty papaya 980 01:04:42,815 --> 01:04:44,783 Oh, me, oh, my-a 981 01:04:44,768 --> 01:04:48,605 You ought to really try a piece of Pa-Poo-La's papaya 982 01:04:48,452 --> 01:04:52,684 Hawaii! Aloha! 983 01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:56,048 Oh, buddies? 984 01:04:56,041 --> 01:04:59,611 Oh, Dwayne. Look. You know, I got colors. 985 01:04:59,469 --> 01:05:02,904 I got pink, and the leotards are green. 986 01:05:02,766 --> 01:05:07,135 You said to- 987 01:05:07,026 --> 01:05:10,462 Oh. Ah. Um- 988 01:05:10,389 --> 01:05:13,517 I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. 989 01:05:13,464 --> 01:05:16,126 Ow! 990 01:05:16,090 --> 01:05:18,217 Oh, God. Oh. 991 01:05:32,168 --> 01:05:34,329 Ooh. 992 01:05:40,878 --> 01:05:43,005 Francine. 993 01:05:42,992 --> 01:05:45,560 I may ask you to slip away with me again today. 994 01:05:45,458 --> 01:05:47,793 Oh, you may ask. You may ask, 995 01:05:47,701 --> 01:05:51,967 but I wouldn't go in a million years. 996 01:05:54,297 --> 01:05:58,033 Dwayne Hoover's Exit 11 Motor Village. May I help you, please? 997 01:05:57,884 --> 01:06:00,353 Just one moment, please. 998 01:06:00,255 --> 01:06:04,458 It's for you, Mr. Hoover. Oh, I guess you're not accepting calls today. 999 01:06:04,290 --> 01:06:08,860 Unless I take a g. d. memo, I forget every little thing- 1000 01:06:08,678 --> 01:06:13,513 what are you doing? 1001 01:06:13,385 --> 01:06:16,946 Hello? 1002 01:06:16,877 --> 01:06:19,979 My name is Horace Durenwurst. I am with the E.P.A. 1003 01:06:19,856 --> 01:06:25,856 I'd like to ask you some questions regarding the soil toxicity at Sugar Creek Estates. 1004 01:06:29,656 --> 01:06:33,225 If that man calls back, you tell him I've moved away. 1005 01:06:33,083 --> 01:06:38,338 Tell him I've moved to Manitoba. It's in Canada. 1006 01:06:38,815 --> 01:06:41,875 Oh. Oh. 1007 01:06:47,846 --> 01:06:51,616 - Hello? - Grace, he didn't say anything. He didn't do anything. 1008 01:06:51,466 --> 01:06:53,567 - He just stood there. - Fuck him, Harry. 1009 01:06:53,484 --> 01:06:55,852 The grass skirt fell off and, uh- 1010 01:06:55,758 --> 01:06:58,660 To him obviously I'm revolting. 1011 01:06:58,543 --> 01:07:02,513 Harry, how many times do I have to tell you not to be ashamed of what's underneath? 1012 01:07:02,356 --> 01:07:04,991 Oh, God, let's just get to Hawaii as soon as we can. 1013 01:07:04,886 --> 01:07:09,256 - Yes. Yes, you know, Grace, I think you're right. 1014 01:07:09,081 --> 01:07:14,212 - I know I'm right. - You're so wise, Grace. 1015 01:07:14,077 --> 01:07:19,606 You know, I'll get us two tickets to Hawaii. 1016 01:07:19,457 --> 01:07:23,127 I'll fix the drawing. I'll get us two tickets to Hawaii. 1017 01:07:22,980 --> 01:07:26,849 Oh, that's the best idea you've had since you quit therapy. 1018 01:07:26,695 --> 01:07:28,730 Oh, boy, oh, boy! Look at that! 1019 01:07:28,650 --> 01:07:31,551 What's that all about, those co-ed sex orgies they have in college? 1020 01:07:31,434 --> 01:07:34,603 It's a science fiction novel written several years ago. 1021 01:07:34,477 --> 01:07:38,747 The premise is that life's an experiment by the creator of the universe. 1022 01:07:38,577 --> 01:07:42,914 He wants to test a new creature he's thinking of introducing into the scheme of things. 1023 01:07:42,740 --> 01:07:45,775 The creature has the ability to make up his own mind. 1024 01:07:45,655 --> 01:07:48,557 All the other creatures are fully automated robots. 1025 01:07:48,441 --> 01:07:51,877 Robots! That does not describe me, Andy wojeckowzski, no, sir! 1026 01:07:51,740 --> 01:07:55,376 I'm my own boss! Right down the highway, baby! Come on. 1027 01:07:55,230 --> 01:07:57,331 The book takes the form of a long letter... 1028 01:07:57,248 --> 01:08:00,283 from the creator of the universe to the experimental creature. 1029 01:08:00,163 --> 01:08:03,099 That sounds nice. So where do the naked sorority giris come in? 1030 01:08:02,982 --> 01:08:04,983 - They don't. - They don't? 1031 01:08:04,903 --> 01:08:08,472 That's just... stupid. I mean, that's dumb. 1032 01:08:08,330 --> 01:08:10,364 I mean, who'd want to publish something like that? 1033 01:08:10,283 --> 01:08:13,586 Who'd want to write something like that? That's just my opinion. 1034 01:08:13,455 --> 01:08:16,123 You know what I'm saying? Man! 1035 01:08:16,016 --> 01:08:18,280 Stupid. 1036 01:08:20,756 --> 01:08:23,458 You know those glasses that Dwayne wears? 1037 01:08:23,350 --> 01:08:27,253 He doesn't need 'em. He just wears 'em because he thinks it makes him look smart. 1038 01:08:27,098 --> 01:08:30,124 He's bald too. 1039 01:08:30,076 --> 01:08:34,212 That's why he combs his hair over to the side like that to cover up the bald spot. 1040 01:08:34,047 --> 01:08:36,916 When the wind blows, it stands straight up. 1041 01:08:36,801 --> 01:08:39,668 He looks like Baby Huey. 1042 01:08:39,620 --> 01:08:42,817 He's got a small penis too. 1043 01:08:42,759 --> 01:08:46,929 I suppose we all want to have large penises though, don't we? 1044 01:08:46,762 --> 01:08:50,798 Anyway, here, fill out this entry form, and I'll take care of everything else. 1045 01:08:50,637 --> 01:08:52,638 I'm not goin' anywhere, man! 1046 01:08:52,558 --> 01:08:55,694 well, that's the point. You don't have to. Just fill this out for me. 1047 01:08:55,570 --> 01:08:58,739 I'll take care of the rest. Drawing's this afternoon. 1048 01:08:58,612 --> 01:09:01,780 - Hey, Mr. Hoover! - Oh,Jesus Christ! 1049 01:09:01,653 --> 01:09:06,238 Tell him you saw me. I changed my clothes. 1050 01:09:07,708 --> 01:09:11,053 Forget it! You haven't seen me! 1051 01:10:19,222 --> 01:10:22,589 Ohh. And the winner is... 1052 01:10:22,521 --> 01:10:25,820 wayne Hoobler of Midland City. 1053 01:10:27,677 --> 01:10:30,379 well, Mr. Hoobler, if you're watching, 1054 01:10:30,272 --> 01:10:32,640 you have just won first prize... 1055 01:10:32,546 --> 01:10:38,546 which is a round-trip ticket for two to beautiful Hawaii! 1056 01:10:38,790 --> 01:10:42,193 And I am sure - I am sure that Dwayne Hoover, 1057 01:10:42,057 --> 01:10:44,759 - the generous and benevolent owner- - Benevolent? 1058 01:10:44,653 --> 01:10:47,321 Christ, Harry, haven't I taught you anything? 1059 01:10:47,214 --> 01:10:49,415 ...will give you a choice of islands, 1060 01:10:49,328 --> 01:10:52,297 including Maui! 1061 01:10:52,241 --> 01:10:55,177 - How about that wayne Hoobler, Midland City! 1062 01:10:55,061 --> 01:10:56,790 Yes! 1063 01:10:58,360 --> 01:11:01,061 And now, this, this voyage- 1064 01:11:00,953 --> 01:11:03,788 this, this wonderful voyage- 1065 01:11:03,676 --> 01:11:06,445 this, this exploration into- 1066 01:11:06,334 --> 01:11:08,598 into, uh- into what- 1067 01:11:08,576 --> 01:11:11,916 into the secret hiding places... 1068 01:11:11,843 --> 01:11:14,111 where what is the, uh- 1069 01:11:14,021 --> 01:11:16,689 Oh, my God, Harry. Shut your mouth. 1070 01:11:16,582 --> 01:11:18,583 wonderful, beautiful sanctuaries of peace. 1071 01:11:18,504 --> 01:11:21,239 The peace of it all and... 1072 01:11:21,130 --> 01:11:24,733 the terrible, horrible, horrible war years where- 1073 01:11:24,589 --> 01:11:26,923 - where all the private clubs... - He was never in the army. 1074 01:11:26,830 --> 01:11:29,666 - and down and down into the sordid underbelly! - what's gotten into Harry? 1075 01:11:29,553 --> 01:11:32,721 Down into the bottom where it's members only! 1076 01:11:32,596 --> 01:11:34,864 - Geez, this is live. - And the cruel name-calling. 1077 01:11:34,773 --> 01:11:38,243 The naming, naming! The terrible hurt! 1078 01:11:38,105 --> 01:11:40,873 But the hunger, the wonderful hunger... 1079 01:11:40,762 --> 01:11:43,597 for some sort of full play, 1080 01:11:43,485 --> 01:11:47,255 full swing, plenty of rope, a little elbow room. 1081 01:11:47,104 --> 01:11:50,969 No more mountains! No more mountains! 1082 01:11:52,357 --> 01:11:55,690 Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. 1083 01:11:55,624 --> 01:11:59,560 I've got the tickets right here. No, the tickets are- 1084 01:11:59,402 --> 01:12:03,339 well, I had the tickets. I have tickets. They're right here. 1085 01:12:03,182 --> 01:12:05,946 Oh! Oh! 1086 01:12:05,904 --> 01:12:09,704 Oh! Oh, my! Oh, my goodness. 1087 01:12:09,618 --> 01:12:13,577 - Huh? - Oh, my. 1088 01:12:13,494 --> 01:12:16,763 - Oh, my. - Go for it, big boy. 1089 01:12:16,633 --> 01:12:18,567 Just go for it! 1090 01:12:18,554 --> 01:12:21,489 Um- 1091 01:12:21,436 --> 01:12:27,311 Pan to Mr. Hoover. Mr. Hoover, you're on. You're live. 1092 01:12:28,162 --> 01:12:31,364 I love you like a brother, Dwayne Hoover. Like a brother. 1093 01:12:31,236 --> 01:12:34,101 We better get an ambulance. 1094 01:12:53,303 --> 01:12:55,304 Having a good day, old man? 1095 01:12:55,224 --> 01:12:58,709 I already know I look ridiculous! 1096 01:13:00,253 --> 01:13:04,990 I've made this long pilgrimage for an orgy of masochism. 1097 01:13:04,800 --> 01:13:07,855 Midland City, I have arrived. 1098 01:13:36,091 --> 01:13:38,992 - Yoo-hoo, mister. - Huh? 1099 01:13:38,941 --> 01:13:42,069 Are you going in there? 1100 01:13:42,016 --> 01:13:46,221 why, it's the only way to Midland City. 1101 01:13:46,948 --> 01:13:50,145 well, then, these will help. 1102 01:13:50,086 --> 01:13:52,766 I don't, don't need 'em. 1103 01:13:55,723 --> 01:13:58,283 Oh. 1104 01:14:04,531 --> 01:14:07,864 The arts festival awaits me. 1105 01:14:26,468 --> 01:14:29,070 Treat me like a cockroach, Midland City. 1106 01:14:28,968 --> 01:14:31,402 Feast your eyes... 1107 01:14:31,369 --> 01:14:34,089 on your miserable creator. 1108 01:14:48,567 --> 01:14:52,103 You've given me a life not worth living, 1109 01:14:51,962 --> 01:14:54,863 but an iron will to live! 1110 01:15:34,654 --> 01:15:37,714 Maui! Maui! 1111 01:15:37,664 --> 01:15:39,598 Maui! 1112 01:15:41,923 --> 01:15:45,086 Maui! 1113 01:15:47,112 --> 01:15:49,046 She's goin'. 1114 01:15:51,788 --> 01:15:55,524 I just have too many cars. That's all! - Just forget it, sir. 1115 01:15:55,375 --> 01:15:59,144 I can't forget it because I should know my driver's license number. 1116 01:15:58,993 --> 01:16:02,096 Maria, she said if she was gonna - She came that way... 1117 01:16:01,972 --> 01:16:05,007 and then she said she would come this way- 1118 01:16:04,887 --> 01:16:07,355 who am I? 1119 01:16:07,321 --> 01:16:10,051 Mr. Hoover, sir. 1120 01:16:10,012 --> 01:16:12,747 How are you this evening? what a pleasure. 1121 01:16:12,637 --> 01:16:14,730 Is there anything- 1122 01:16:14,718 --> 01:16:17,084 who am I? 1123 01:16:17,056 --> 01:16:19,224 Please, someone just tell me who I am. 1124 01:16:19,138 --> 01:16:22,574 Sorry, Mr. Hoover. I did not realize that you were the owner. 1125 01:16:22,438 --> 01:16:26,908 I knew that you were the owner, but I didn't realize you were the owner of this AmeriTel Inn. 1126 01:16:26,729 --> 01:16:29,164 I should have recognized. 1127 01:16:29,067 --> 01:16:33,792 - Well, enjoy your stay at the AmeriTel Inn. 1128 01:16:46,777 --> 01:16:49,439 Mr. Trout. 1129 01:16:49,404 --> 01:16:52,406 Welcome to Midland City Arts Festival. 1130 01:16:52,287 --> 01:16:57,024 The AmeriTel Inn invites you to join us tonight in our cocktail lounge at 6.00 p. m... 1131 01:16:56,834 --> 01:16:59,769 to celebrate the first annual Midland City Arts Festival. 1132 01:16:59,652 --> 01:17:02,852 I look perfect for my missi๏ฟฝn. 1133 01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:16,525 Not now. Not now. 1134 01:17:22,712 --> 01:17:26,314 The Abominable Snowman has arrived. 1135 01:17:26,170 --> 01:17:28,372 Kidnapped from the slopes of Mount Everest. 1136 01:17:28,285 --> 01:17:31,520 Taken as slave to a bordello in Rio deJaneiro. 1137 01:17:31,390 --> 01:17:33,792 I've come to the arts festival in Midland City... 1138 01:17:33,697 --> 01:17:35,831 to have myself acknowledged before I die... 1139 01:17:35,746 --> 01:17:38,148 as a great artist I believe myself to be. 1140 01:17:38,053 --> 01:17:40,621 Mr. Trout, I would know you anywhere. 1141 01:17:40,519 --> 01:17:42,720 Marlo, his bags, please. 1142 01:17:42,632 --> 01:17:45,634 - Yes, ma'am. - Take these to his suite. 1143 01:17:45,515 --> 01:17:49,518 - Can I take your hat? - How do you know who I am? 1144 01:17:49,358 --> 01:17:52,860 - It had to be you. - Nobody's ever known who I was before. 1145 01:17:52,720 --> 01:17:55,154 Kilgore Trout! 1146 01:17:55,122 --> 01:17:59,797 I am Eliot Rosewater, your greatest admirer. 1147 01:18:00,856 --> 01:18:03,586 You're Rosewater? 1148 01:18:03,545 --> 01:18:06,214 You don't look like a person who reads those magazines. 1149 01:18:06,108 --> 01:18:09,277 I have gathered to this date only 41 of your novels... 1150 01:18:09,151 --> 01:18:12,119 and 63 of your short stories. 1151 01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:14,402 And, of course, I've read them all. 1152 01:18:14,306 --> 01:18:17,174 - You've read that much of my stuff? - Of course. 1153 01:18:17,061 --> 01:18:19,211 Please, have a seat. 1154 01:18:24,172 --> 01:18:26,436 we are proud... 1155 01:18:26,412 --> 01:18:29,614 to be the first community to acknowledge... 1156 01:18:29,487 --> 01:18:33,116 the greatness of Kilgore Trout. 1157 01:18:33,042 --> 01:18:36,578 Midland City is ready for a renaissance. 1158 01:18:36,437 --> 01:18:40,257 And you, sir, shall be our Leonardo. 1159 01:18:42,747 --> 01:18:48,485 I regret that I must leave immediately on Rosewater Foundation business. 1160 01:18:48,254 --> 01:18:51,189 But the honor, sir, 1161 01:18:51,137 --> 01:18:53,572 has been entirely mine. 1162 01:18:54,564 --> 01:18:57,339 Let's go. I need my shot. 1163 01:18:59,399 --> 01:19:01,767 That kid has books of mine? 1164 01:19:01,674 --> 01:19:05,667 Yes, and he let me read them all. 1165 01:19:05,582 --> 01:19:07,982 I loved them. 1166 01:19:09,873 --> 01:19:12,574 More flowers than at a gangster's funeral. 1167 01:19:12,466 --> 01:19:17,370 Midland City seems to be gettin' behind the arts in a great big way. 1168 01:19:17,175 --> 01:19:20,044 well, like Mr. Rosewater said- 1169 01:19:19,930 --> 01:19:22,265 teach us to dance and sing... 1170 01:19:22,172 --> 01:19:24,732 and laugh and cry. 1171 01:19:24,702 --> 01:19:28,771 Do I look like a dancer or, or a singer or a man of joy? 1172 01:19:28,608 --> 01:19:31,410 would a man nourished by beauty look like this? Open your eyes. 1173 01:19:31,299 --> 01:19:33,426 My eyes are opened. 1174 01:19:33,411 --> 01:19:36,080 And I see someone who has dared to walk... 1175 01:19:35,975 --> 01:19:40,578 through the fires of truth to the other side... 1176 01:19:40,395 --> 01:19:44,075 and come back to tell us about it. 1177 01:19:48,305 --> 01:19:52,842 If there is anything you need- I mean, anything- 1178 01:19:52,662 --> 01:19:55,627 don't be afraid to call me. 1179 01:19:56,248 --> 01:19:58,409 Ting-a-ling. 1180 01:20:01,500 --> 01:20:03,593 Hmm. 1181 01:20:09,923 --> 01:20:12,187 Dwayne. 1182 01:20:17,546 --> 01:20:19,480 Dwayne. 1183 01:20:24,015 --> 01:20:26,984 My feet are so hot. 1184 01:20:26,930 --> 01:20:30,275 I may never get this stuff off. 1185 01:20:47,810 --> 01:20:51,211 Kilgore Trout! 1186 01:20:51,140 --> 01:20:55,443 Kilgore Trout, Trout, Trout, Trout- 1187 01:20:55,272 --> 01:20:57,907 All your questions will be answered tonight. 1188 01:20:57,802 --> 01:21:02,717 Look for me downstairs in the cocktail lounge! 1189 01:21:05,617 --> 01:21:07,551 Kilgore Trout. 1190 01:21:10,357 --> 01:21:12,291 Kilgore Trout. 1191 01:21:14,552 --> 01:21:19,256 And just flap it right up to a blank white canvas. 1192 01:21:19,069 --> 01:21:24,006 Then I would put Day-Glo bars around it, and call it caged shit. 1193 01:21:23,807 --> 01:21:27,297 That's what I would do. Oh, man. 1194 01:21:39,053 --> 01:21:41,851 Breakfast of champions. 1195 01:21:43,057 --> 01:21:45,958 You said that the last time you brought me my martini. 1196 01:21:45,842 --> 01:21:48,444 I say it every time I serve a martini, Mr. Hoover. 1197 01:21:48,341 --> 01:21:51,810 That's probably why God invented these little small towns, 1198 01:21:51,671 --> 01:21:57,671 so people could keep saying the same stupid jokes over and over again. 1199 01:21:57,885 --> 01:22:00,420 I just like to cheer people up. 1200 01:22:00,319 --> 01:22:03,117 That's all. 1201 01:22:03,073 --> 01:22:05,007 Okay. 1202 01:22:05,956 --> 01:22:07,890 No. 1203 01:22:07,877 --> 01:22:11,880 Mr. Hoover, would you just do me a favor, please? 1204 01:22:11,721 --> 01:22:15,290 I just- I just would- I would love the honor... 1205 01:22:15,148 --> 01:22:18,117 of you signing my wrist. 1206 01:22:18,061 --> 01:22:20,062 I want to show it to my father. 1207 01:22:19,982 --> 01:22:23,051 He's sick in the hospital, and the bills are just pilin' up. 1208 01:22:22,930 --> 01:22:25,298 It would really impress him. It would. 1209 01:22:25,204 --> 01:22:27,672 Thanks a lot. Nothin' special. 1210 01:22:27,574 --> 01:22:31,249 Just your autograph would be great. 1211 01:22:31,897 --> 01:22:35,499 Yeah, they opened him up and it just keeps gettin' worse. 1212 01:22:35,356 --> 01:22:38,659 Don't know what we're gonna do. 1213 01:22:38,528 --> 01:22:41,763 There it is. There's that smile. 1214 01:22:41,632 --> 01:22:45,335 Just love it. we just - we just love you. we do. 1215 01:22:45,189 --> 01:22:48,658 And when you said "bird ca-ca" on TV the other day- 1216 01:22:48,519 --> 01:22:50,520 - Ca-ca. - "ca-ca-" 1217 01:22:50,441 --> 01:22:53,710 my dad laughed for the first time in two years. 1218 01:22:53,579 --> 01:22:58,049 Thanks. we just - we just trust you so much. we do. Thanks. 1219 01:22:57,871 --> 01:22:59,805 Oh, God. 1220 01:23:02,196 --> 01:23:04,130 Thank you. 1221 01:23:06,839 --> 01:23:08,773 Ca-ca. 1222 01:23:09,848 --> 01:23:12,248 Dwayne, Dwayne, 1223 01:23:12,219 --> 01:23:15,245 Dwayne, Dwayne, Dwayne- 1224 01:23:17,215 --> 01:23:19,911 - Celia? - Talk to me. 1225 01:23:19,873 --> 01:23:21,928 Talk to me, please. 1226 01:23:21,891 --> 01:23:26,261 we're not happy, Dwayne. Share something with me, Dwayne. 1227 01:23:26,086 --> 01:23:28,179 Bye, Blue Monday. 1228 01:23:28,168 --> 01:23:32,332 I trust you, Dwayne. 1229 01:23:32,235 --> 01:23:34,570 Are you sorry, Dwayne? 1230 01:23:34,477 --> 01:23:37,378 Perhaps before- 1231 01:23:44,566 --> 01:23:47,835 They were taking Mr. Le Sabre to the Midland General Hospital, north wing. 1232 01:23:47,704 --> 01:23:50,072 The - The psychiatric ward. 1233 01:23:49,978 --> 01:23:51,912 Hold on, please. 1234 01:23:51,900 --> 01:23:56,303 Dwayne Hoover, Exit 11- I- I don't know where Mr. Hoover is. 1235 01:23:56,127 --> 01:23:58,186 I got dollar36. 1236 01:24:00,130 --> 01:24:02,064 Sold. 1237 01:24:02,053 --> 01:24:06,538 And remember, you can trust wayne Hoobler. 1238 01:24:11,948 --> 01:24:14,212 Get out of that car! 1239 01:24:15,343 --> 01:24:18,688 Oh, it's a tilt steering wheel. 1240 01:24:37,602 --> 01:24:39,536 Ooh. 1241 01:24:43,911 --> 01:24:48,782 All right, Bunny, I got this place rigged for lighting exactly like we talked about. 1242 01:24:48,587 --> 01:24:52,423 So, the table's set. All you gotta do is go out there and eat the dinner. 1243 01:24:52,270 --> 01:24:54,338 - Can do, Bill. Can do. - All right. 1244 01:24:54,256 --> 01:24:56,886 You wanna give me a hug? 1245 01:24:57,491 --> 01:24:59,425 You go get 'em. 1246 01:25:02,583 --> 01:25:05,451 You know, I discovered this kid with the rabbit. 1247 01:25:05,336 --> 01:25:07,304 Good evening. 1248 01:25:10,173 --> 01:25:12,507 Hey, great to see you here 1249 01:25:12,415 --> 01:25:14,416 Have a scotch Have a beer 1250 01:25:14,337 --> 01:25:19,809 - It's Kilgore Trout! - There he is! It's Kilgore Trout! 1251 01:25:19,589 --> 01:25:21,523 Hey! 1252 01:25:21,511 --> 01:25:24,846 - Mr. Kilgore Trout. I'm Fay. - I'm Kay. 1253 01:25:24,713 --> 01:25:26,714 This is indeed a rare pleasure. 1254 01:25:26,635 --> 01:25:29,971 - Oh, my goodness, I just love artists. - They're so artistic. 1255 01:25:29,838 --> 01:25:32,506 Hey, feel the jive Join in the fun 1256 01:25:32,399 --> 01:25:35,884 Midland City America's number one 1257 01:25:35,795 --> 01:25:37,729 Yeah 1258 01:25:37,717 --> 01:25:42,187 That's Kilgore Trout. Play that intro you got worked out. I'll get the lights. 1259 01:25:42,007 --> 01:25:44,809 Now, you're not from around here, are ya? 1260 01:25:44,698 --> 01:25:48,663 Yeah. I'm from Exit 11 Motor Village. 1261 01:25:49,150 --> 01:25:51,983 I'm wayne Hoobler. 1262 01:25:51,935 --> 01:25:55,166 wake up Get out of bed 1263 01:25:55,106 --> 01:25:57,741 There's plenty of good art just ahead 1264 01:25:57,636 --> 01:25:59,797 Be right back. 1265 01:25:59,783 --> 01:26:02,885 Now salute the man we can't do without 1266 01:26:02,761 --> 01:26:07,596 The wonderful, lovable beautiful Kilgore Trout 1267 01:26:07,469 --> 01:26:09,403 Yeah 1268 01:26:19,030 --> 01:26:22,124 Finally, Kilgore Trout? 1269 01:26:22,074 --> 01:26:24,442 - Kilgore Trout? - Yes. 1270 01:26:24,347 --> 01:26:26,682 - The message, please. - what? 1271 01:26:26,589 --> 01:26:31,926 My message! You know what message I'm talking about! Is this it? Is this for me? 1272 01:26:31,713 --> 01:26:34,448 It's mine. What are you doing with it? It's mine. 1273 01:26:34,339 --> 01:26:36,340 - what are you doing? - "Dear, sir. 1274 01:26:36,260 --> 01:26:38,128 Poor sir, brave sir. 1275 01:26:38,054 --> 01:26:41,990 You are an experiment of the Creator of the Universe. 1276 01:26:41,833 --> 01:26:45,336 You are the only creature in the entire universe who has free will. " 1277 01:26:45,196 --> 01:26:48,921 That's godlike with a little "g". 1278 01:26:51,154 --> 01:26:53,213 Take my hand 1279 01:26:53,202 --> 01:26:58,139 I'm a stranger in paradise 1280 01:26:58,006 --> 01:27:02,143 "You are the only one who has to figure out what to do next. 1281 01:27:01,978 --> 01:27:04,811 And why. " 1282 01:27:04,765 --> 01:27:07,566 That's exactly right. How did you know - How did you know this? 1283 01:27:07,454 --> 01:27:11,057 " Everybody else is a robot, a machine. 1284 01:27:10,913 --> 01:27:14,749 Some persons like you, while others seem to hate you. 1285 01:27:14,596 --> 01:27:16,964 And you must wonder why. 1286 01:27:16,870 --> 01:27:20,373 They are simply liking and hating machines. 1287 01:27:20,233 --> 01:27:22,668 All of this has made you pooped and demoralized. " 1288 01:27:22,572 --> 01:27:27,872 You see, this is me. I am pooped and demoralized. 1289 01:27:27,728 --> 01:27:30,959 If this isn't nice, what is? 1290 01:27:30,898 --> 01:27:32,899 Out of the common place 1291 01:27:32,820 --> 01:27:36,517 Into the rare 1292 01:27:36,439 --> 01:27:38,373 Somewhere in space 1293 01:27:38,361 --> 01:27:43,632 "You are surrounded by machines whose only purpose is to stir you up... 1294 01:27:43,420 --> 01:27:46,412 in every conceivable way... 1295 01:27:46,368 --> 01:27:50,171 so that the Creator of the Universe can watch your reactions. " 1296 01:27:50,019 --> 01:27:52,487 - wait, there's more. There's more. - This is it. 1297 01:27:52,388 --> 01:27:55,357 "The Creator of the Universe would now like to apologize, 1298 01:27:55,238 --> 01:27:59,741 not only for the capricious jostling companionship he provided during the test, 1299 01:27:59,562 --> 01:28:02,831 but also for the trashy stinking condition of the place itself. " 1300 01:28:02,700 --> 01:28:05,569 The robots have been programmed for millions of years to abuse it... 1301 01:28:05,456 --> 01:28:09,125 so it would be a poisonous, festering cheese by the time you got here. 1302 01:28:08,978 --> 01:28:13,348 He also programmed the robots to crave sexual intercourse more than anything else... 1303 01:28:13,174 --> 01:28:15,842 - so it would be crowded when you got here. - You bet you. 1304 01:28:15,735 --> 01:28:19,271 He had the robots kill each other by the millions for this purpose only that you be amazed. 1305 01:28:19,131 --> 01:28:22,433 They have committed every possible atrocity and every possible kindness... 1306 01:28:22,301 --> 01:28:25,741 just to get a reaction from you. 1307 01:28:27,841 --> 01:28:30,756 That's right. That's right. 1308 01:28:34,952 --> 01:28:37,420 It's workin', kid. 1309 01:28:37,385 --> 01:28:39,620 - Thank you. - No, thank you. 1310 01:28:39,532 --> 01:28:43,435 - Thank you so much, my friend. You helped me so much. - You're entirely welcome. 1311 01:28:43,279 --> 01:28:45,513 - Thank you. - Good, good. 1312 01:28:45,425 --> 01:28:47,620 Ah, ha-ha! 1313 01:28:47,602 --> 01:28:49,866 Nice guy. 1314 01:28:51,734 --> 01:28:53,668 Won't you answer- 1315 01:28:53,655 --> 01:28:57,955 Out of my way, dancing machines! 1316 01:29:01,983 --> 01:29:05,578 Just what I'm looking for. 1317 01:29:05,505 --> 01:29:08,133 Oh, so good to see you! 1318 01:29:09,892 --> 01:29:13,137 Where are the bravery machines? 1319 01:29:13,160 --> 01:29:16,395 Got you. when you were a little boy machine, 1320 01:29:16,266 --> 01:29:18,801 I loved the way your head was shaped like a cantaloupe. 1321 01:29:18,700 --> 01:29:22,261 Now look at you. 1322 01:29:22,191 --> 01:29:26,771 - Daddy, why are you doing this? - Because! 1323 01:29:27,572 --> 01:29:33,572 You see? They don't feel a thing. They're unfeeling machines! 1324 01:29:35,098 --> 01:29:40,002 Is this because of my creation? Is this the sum total of what I stand for? 1325 01:29:39,806 --> 01:29:43,508 Will you explain exactly what it is about my writing... 1326 01:29:43,359 --> 01:29:47,196 that made you want to, to hurt these people? 1327 01:29:47,044 --> 01:29:51,280 You said it yourself - "I'm the only creature in the universe that has free will. " 1328 01:29:51,111 --> 01:29:55,014 - Don't you remember? - My God, that's not the answer. 1329 01:29:54,858 --> 01:29:57,088 Listen you! 1330 01:29:58,893 --> 01:30:01,562 Dwayne Hoover's gone berserk! 1331 01:30:01,456 --> 01:30:04,558 - I don't like you anymore! - I feel the same way myself. 1332 01:30:04,435 --> 01:30:07,495 The New York machine! 1333 01:30:07,445 --> 01:30:10,220 Get out of my way! Ha-ha! 1334 01:30:11,608 --> 01:30:13,776 They don't feel anything anyway. 1335 01:30:13,690 --> 01:30:17,750 who wants some of the car dealer, huh? 1336 01:30:18,365 --> 01:30:24,365 You're not supposed to know the answer, for cryin' out loud. 1337 01:30:25,604 --> 01:30:27,538 why not? 1338 01:30:27,525 --> 01:30:33,196 If you knew the answer, there'd be no more questions. 1339 01:30:32,969 --> 01:30:35,437 Dwayne? Dwayne. 1340 01:30:36,909 --> 01:30:38,843 Come on. 1341 01:30:38,830 --> 01:30:42,095 Escape. Come follow me. 1342 01:30:50,264 --> 01:30:52,232 Young man! 1343 01:30:53,819 --> 01:30:55,912 Come on out! 1344 01:30:55,902 --> 01:30:57,836 Young man! 1345 01:30:57,823 --> 01:31:01,459 Olly, olly, oxen free. Ha-ha! You are there. 1346 01:31:01,313 --> 01:31:03,514 - Hey, Mr. Hoover. - Good. Yes. 1347 01:31:03,427 --> 01:31:06,229 - what do you say there, pal of mine? - You really are there. 1348 01:31:06,118 --> 01:31:08,052 Hey, hey! 1349 01:31:11,690 --> 01:31:14,591 where are ya? Ah- 1350 01:31:14,540 --> 01:31:18,125 You're - You're too good for me. 1351 01:31:19,088 --> 01:31:21,056 Hey. what the- 1352 01:31:21,043 --> 01:31:23,511 what kind of machine are you? 1353 01:31:23,412 --> 01:31:26,040 Hey, I'm wayne Hoobler. 1354 01:31:26,006 --> 01:31:29,808 And Eli said we couldn't trust anybody, but in God we trust! 1355 01:31:29,657 --> 01:31:32,717 I never, never trust anybody! 1356 01:31:32,668 --> 01:31:34,602 Dwayne? 1357 01:31:37,536 --> 01:31:41,021 what are you, a trusting machine? 1358 01:31:41,731 --> 01:31:43,699 Yes. 1359 01:31:43,685 --> 01:31:46,176 why, yes, I am. 1360 01:31:46,150 --> 01:31:49,847 Dwayne? 1361 01:31:52,011 --> 01:31:54,571 Yes, I am! 1362 01:31:54,542 --> 01:31:58,569 I'm wayne Hoobler, and I'm home! 1363 01:31:59,793 --> 01:32:02,489 Fairyland! 1364 01:32:04,727 --> 01:32:08,663 Ahh. Fairyland! Ha-ha! 1365 01:32:11,227 --> 01:32:13,187 where is that guy? 1366 01:32:13,149 --> 01:32:18,109 Mr. Hoover! Where have you been? 1367 01:32:17,986 --> 01:32:20,220 where are all the showroom cars? 1368 01:32:20,130 --> 01:32:24,100 Headquarters called and they're very upset you missed that spot this afternoon. 1369 01:32:23,943 --> 01:32:27,612 - Mr. Hoov- Is everything all right? - Browbeatin' machine! 1370 01:32:27,466 --> 01:32:30,969 Oh, here's the best fucking machine... 1371 01:32:30,828 --> 01:32:32,829 in all of Midland City. 1372 01:32:32,750 --> 01:32:35,685 Mr. Hoover, you are the most hateful man I have ever met. 1373 01:32:35,568 --> 01:32:39,237 Sure!Just wind her up and she'll say she loves you. 1374 01:32:39,091 --> 01:32:42,927 And she'll keep goin' until she gets her own fried chicken franchise. 1375 01:32:42,773 --> 01:32:46,076 Yes, I said I loved you, but that was when you stood for something- 1376 01:32:45,945 --> 01:32:49,547 when you were a man of hope, truth and success. 1377 01:32:49,403 --> 01:32:53,006 But you've become a betrayer, Mr. Hoover. A fake. 1378 01:32:52,862 --> 01:32:56,025 Fine! 1379 01:32:55,969 --> 01:32:58,028 Get the police! Go! 1380 01:32:58,019 --> 01:33:01,021 Call the police! There's only one thing you can do. 1381 01:33:00,901 --> 01:33:05,405 - Tell me what it is. - The only thing you can do is continue. 1382 01:33:05,225 --> 01:33:08,360 - Continue? - Continue. That's right. You're a continuing machine. 1383 01:33:08,235 --> 01:33:11,404 Can't quit now. Gotta keep going. That's why you were born. 1384 01:33:11,279 --> 01:33:16,383 - Yesterday was my birthday. - Yeah, until you're dead, it's all life! 1385 01:33:16,178 --> 01:33:19,739 That's it! 1386 01:33:19,669 --> 01:33:22,059 What did you just say? 1387 01:33:27,739 --> 01:33:29,774 what did you just say? 1388 01:33:29,693 --> 01:33:32,294 Until you're dead, it's all life. 1389 01:33:32,191 --> 01:33:34,726 So make the most of it. 1390 01:33:39,141 --> 01:33:41,803 Life? 1391 01:33:41,768 --> 01:33:43,702 You're right. 1392 01:33:44,810 --> 01:33:46,744 It's all life. 1393 01:33:46,732 --> 01:33:51,172 Oh, my goodness! Are - Are you all right? 1394 01:33:51,824 --> 01:33:54,054 So, it's you. 1395 01:33:56,276 --> 01:33:58,711 The Creator of the Universe. 1396 01:33:58,613 --> 01:34:01,241 Well, it delights me... 1397 01:34:01,207 --> 01:34:04,576 that I no longer have to suffer your gift of life anymore. 1398 01:34:04,442 --> 01:34:07,912 The joke's on you, isn't it, big fella? 1399 01:34:07,774 --> 01:34:11,309 Huh? what are you gonna do when you run out of playthings? 1400 01:34:11,167 --> 01:34:14,864 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. 1401 01:34:14,787 --> 01:34:17,355 Your kind never has to mean it. 1402 01:34:17,253 --> 01:34:21,323 Is there anything I can do for you? Anything I can do to help? 1403 01:34:21,160 --> 01:34:25,263 Get me a Nobel prize or, or a reputable publisher. 1404 01:34:25,099 --> 01:34:27,133 I'm sorry. I can't really- I don't- 1405 01:34:27,053 --> 01:34:30,656 I don't think I can help you with those things, 1406 01:34:30,512 --> 01:34:34,915 but if there's anything else, please feel free. 1407 01:34:34,739 --> 01:34:39,843 Free? Like Tolstoy freed his serfs, Jefferson freed his slaves? 1408 01:34:39,639 --> 01:34:42,199 Feel free? Feel free. 1409 01:34:45,500 --> 01:34:48,465 I will make the most of it. 1410 01:34:49,312 --> 01:34:51,280 Celia. 1411 01:34:51,265 --> 01:34:54,267 - Until you're dead, it's all life. - Feel free. 1412 01:34:54,148 --> 01:34:55,945 Free? 1413 01:34:57,670 --> 01:35:01,255 Until you're dead, it's all life. 1414 01:36:03,228 --> 01:36:06,331 wait a minute, Bunny. I know you think that was a bad show. 1415 01:36:06,208 --> 01:36:08,776 - I gotta be by myself for a little while. - It wasn't a bad show. 1416 01:36:08,674 --> 01:36:11,476 - It was great. They loved it. - I think my daddy loves me. 1417 01:36:11,364 --> 01:36:14,532 Of course he loves you, but he's a nut job. wait. Let's talk about this. 1418 01:36:14,406 --> 01:36:16,986 wait, Bunny. I love you! 1419 01:37:00,428 --> 01:37:05,032 Celia? 1420 01:37:09,011 --> 01:37:11,844 - Dwayne? - Celia? 1421 01:37:11,798 --> 01:37:14,460 - Dwayne? - where- 1422 01:37:14,425 --> 01:37:16,526 - Dwayne? - where are you? 1423 01:37:16,443 --> 01:37:21,218 - I'm here. Over here. - I need help, Celia. 1424 01:37:21,759 --> 01:37:23,989 You need these. 1425 01:37:31,815 --> 01:37:33,882 Put on the boots, Dwayne. 1426 01:37:33,800 --> 01:37:36,394 Put on the boots. 1427 01:37:41,518 --> 01:37:43,383 You can do it. 1428 01:37:57,629 --> 01:37:59,790 I'm so sorry. 1429 01:38:00,960 --> 01:38:05,260 - I'm so sorry, Celia. - You can do it. 1430 01:38:09,318 --> 01:38:13,988 - So sorry. - Don't stop now. You can do it. 1431 01:38:13,801 --> 01:38:15,996 I understand. 1432 01:38:39,615 --> 01:38:41,549 Oh. 1433 01:38:46,054 --> 01:38:48,181 Bunny. 1434 01:38:48,166 --> 01:38:50,791 - Dad. - Come here, son. 1435 01:38:54,924 --> 01:38:57,759 - All right, Mr. Hoover. That's enough. - Hey, what the- 1436 01:38:57,647 --> 01:38:59,672 No! No! 1437 01:38:59,664 --> 01:39:02,066 - It's okay. - Not unless you got a good lawyer, buddy. 1438 01:39:01,970 --> 01:39:04,029 I understand now. 1439 01:39:04,019 --> 01:39:07,388 Until you're dead, it's all life. 1440 01:39:07,254 --> 01:39:11,554 Until you're dead, it's all life, Celia. 1441 01:39:11,962 --> 01:39:13,896 That's it. 1442 01:39:14,844 --> 01:39:17,677 Good-bye, Blue Monday! 1443 01:39:17,632 --> 01:39:19,725 Bye, Blue Monday. 1444 01:39:19,713 --> 01:39:22,648 - It's okay. Everything's okay. - Get in the car. 1445 01:39:22,531 --> 01:39:25,193 I - I'm not mad. 1446 01:39:25,157 --> 01:39:27,284 I'm - I'm okay. 1447 01:39:27,271 --> 01:39:29,439 All right, let's go. Let's move it! 1448 01:39:29,353 --> 01:39:31,555 - I love you. - I love you too. 1449 01:39:31,467 --> 01:39:33,401 I love you. 1450 01:39:35,373 --> 01:39:37,307 Daddy. 1451 01:40:21,300 --> 01:40:23,666 Make me young. 1452 01:40:24,305 --> 01:41:24,615 Surf the internet with browser of future osdb.link/brave114862

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