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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,301
Hey, folks, it's me, Dwayne Hoover,
3
00:02:16,222 --> 00:02:19,124
slashing prices 'cause we're
goin' bananas for Hawaiian week.
4
00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:21,476
Come on down to Exit 11 Motor Village.
5
00:02:21,377 --> 00:02:23,378
I'm gonna slash some
prices just for you!
6
00:02:23,299 --> 00:02:28,214
Hey, ask anybody. You
can trust Dwayne Hoover.
7
00:02:29,898 --> 00:02:32,666
I think we're onto something-
8
00:02:32,555 --> 00:02:36,358
The deadly germ anthrax
for use as a weapon-
9
00:02:36,206 --> 00:02:39,708
- I- I- - Is there
something you wanted to say?
10
00:02:39,569 --> 00:02:42,037
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry?
11
00:02:42,004 --> 00:02:44,939
Sorry I made us order the
pepperoni and anchovies.
12
00:02:44,821 --> 00:02:47,323
Your breakfast, Mrs. Hoover.
13
00:02:47,223 --> 00:02:49,357
When your stomach is under attack,
14
00:02:49,273 --> 00:02:52,008
fight back with
maximum-strength Trypepton.
15
00:02:51,899 --> 00:02:55,502
Now available in new orange flavor.
16
00:02:55,357 --> 00:02:59,157
Soothing, fast relief naturally.
17
00:02:59,074 --> 00:03:01,704
So, now how do you feel?
18
00:03:06,183 --> 00:03:11,211
Take my hand
19
00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:17,083
I'm a stranger in paradise
20
00:03:16,944 --> 00:03:22,439
I'm lost in a wonderland
21
00:03:22,292 --> 00:03:27,696
A stranger in paradise
22
00:03:27,545 --> 00:03:33,545
stand starry-eyed
23
00:03:33,758 --> 00:03:39,594
That's a danger in paradise
24
00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:45,161
For mortals who stand beside
25
00:03:44,999 --> 00:03:47,668
- An ๏ฟฝngel like you
- Mr. Hoover!
26
00:03:47,563 --> 00:03:50,964
Breakfast of champions!
27
00:03:50,893 --> 00:03:55,455
Breakfast of champions, Mr. Hoover!
28
00:04:18,852 --> 00:04:21,020
Great news, people. Today's not the day.
29
00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:22,968
- Hello, Lottie.
- Hello, sir.
30
00:04:22,886 --> 00:04:26,706
white Shoulders. You know I love it.
31
00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:30,888
Dwayne? The poison bubbles almost won.
32
00:04:30,734 --> 00:04:34,971
The poison bubbles almost won.
The poison bubbles almost won.
33
00:04:34,802 --> 00:04:38,863
Talk to me. Please.
34
00:04:38,772 --> 00:04:43,075
well, Hawaiian week
down at the showroom.
35
00:04:42,904 --> 00:04:46,203
I saw your ad on TV,yes!
36
00:04:46,138 --> 00:04:49,207
- Please say something.
- well, what should I say?
37
00:04:49,085 --> 00:04:51,820
Anything you feel like
sayin'. You're Dwayne Hoover!
38
00:04:51,712 --> 00:04:55,487
People know who ya are, don't they?
39
00:04:55,489 --> 00:05:00,449
That's right, Lottie.
They do know who I am.
40
00:05:00,326 --> 00:05:02,317
who am I?
41
00:05:02,312 --> 00:05:04,177
Please?
42
00:05:05,963 --> 00:05:08,331
Oh, hi, folks. Dwayne Hoover here...
43
00:05:08,236 --> 00:05:10,237
from Dwayne Hoover's
Exit 11 Motor Village.
44
00:05:10,158 --> 00:05:13,294
we're searching the seven seas to find you
a whale of a deal on a new car or truck.
45
00:05:13,170 --> 00:05:15,938
- Are you sorry?
- Stop on in just for the hell of it...
46
00:05:15,827 --> 00:05:17,828
and reel yourself in a good deal.
47
00:05:17,748 --> 00:05:22,619
- You can trust Dwayne Hoover.
- Sure. Sure, I'm sorry.
48
00:05:22,425 --> 00:05:25,527
- I'm sorry as heck.
- Then say something.
49
00:05:25,403 --> 00:05:28,138
well, what should I say, Celia?
50
00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:32,626
I mean, I'm just- I'm
just looking for a-
51
00:05:32,513 --> 00:05:35,415
Each Monday, millions
of Americans suffer from-
52
00:05:35,299 --> 00:05:37,233
A sign.
53
00:05:37,221 --> 00:05:41,021
Anything really, Celia.
54
00:05:40,936 --> 00:05:45,873
I mean, all day long and-
55
00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:49,540
Not much, you know? I mean-
56
00:05:49,456 --> 00:05:52,186
Boy-
57
00:05:52,145 --> 00:05:56,782
There are days when I just
think, is it me or what?
58
00:05:56,597 --> 00:06:01,227
- what?
- Yeah.
59
00:06:01,114 --> 00:06:05,484
- I know what you can say, Dwayne.
- what?
60
00:06:05,309 --> 00:06:07,410
- You can say- -
Join millions who say-
61
00:06:07,327 --> 00:06:11,320
Good-bye, Blue Monday.
62
00:06:11,234 --> 00:06:14,736
I have never experienced such
safe, fast and effective relief.
63
00:06:14,596 --> 00:06:20,432
- Oh. - I can finally say,
"Good-bye, Blue Monday. "
64
00:06:26,798 --> 00:06:29,767
No, no. No, no, Nippy.
65
00:06:29,712 --> 00:06:32,272
No, no! No! No, Nippy!
66
00:06:32,243 --> 00:06:34,978
I swear I'm armed! I'll shoot!
67
00:06:34,869 --> 00:06:37,235
Hey!
68
00:06:37,207 --> 00:06:38,367
Nippy!
69
00:06:38,391 --> 00:06:40,621
Hey!
70
00:06:40,602 --> 00:06:44,368
Nippy! Nip!
71
00:06:47,487 --> 00:06:51,592
This is how dogs get themselves killed.
72
00:07:03,117 --> 00:07:05,779
Wedding day
73
00:07:13,236 --> 00:07:18,003
In, oh, so many ways Ha!
74
00:07:17,881 --> 00:07:20,679
Oh, wedding day
75
00:07:20,635 --> 00:07:24,125
If I saw you on your wedding day
76
00:07:30,947 --> 00:07:33,780
Dear Mr. Kilgore Trout.
77
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:39,422
My name is Eliot Rosewater,
78
00:07:39,339 --> 00:07:43,435
and this is a fan letter.
79
00:07:43,342 --> 00:07:46,978
Plague on wheels is the greatest novel-
80
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,768
Plague on wheels is the greatest
novel in the English language.
81
00:07:49,651 --> 00:07:53,187
"I promise to make you famous. You
should be president of the United States. "
82
00:07:53,046 --> 00:07:55,448
what the hell? I mean,
look at the handwriting.
83
00:07:55,352 --> 00:07:59,321
It must be from a kid of 14.
" Promise to make you famous. "
84
00:07:59,163 --> 00:08:03,533
My first fan letter ever, and I'll
show you what I'm gonna do with it.
85
00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:06,692
watch this.
86
00:08:07,842 --> 00:08:12,042
Two hundred novels, 2,000 short stories.
87
00:08:12,198 --> 00:08:16,268
Never heard back from
one publisher, not one,
88
00:08:16,105 --> 00:08:18,974
except that wide-open beaver outfit,
89
00:08:18,859 --> 00:08:20,926
and they didn't pay me doodley-squat.
90
00:08:20,845 --> 00:08:22,780
And then I get a fan letter.
91
00:08:22,704 --> 00:08:26,406
well, I'll burn you out of my body bag.
92
00:08:26,258 --> 00:08:29,368
I'll be glad when it's over.
93
00:08:32,663 --> 00:08:36,132
Can't wait till my head's as
empty as the day I was born...
94
00:08:35,994 --> 00:08:39,296
onto this damaged planet
all those years ago.
95
00:08:39,164 --> 00:08:41,269
Empty as a child's,
96
00:08:43,969 --> 00:08:47,370
a very young child's.
97
00:08:49,316 --> 00:08:53,253
That's why I wrote those stories, Bill.
98
00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:59,097
Get rid of all the junk
that's built up over the years.
99
00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:16,883
Hey, folks, it's me
- Dwayne Hoover.
100
00:09:16,796 --> 00:09:20,926
Hey, folks, it's me, Dwayne Hoover.
101
00:09:20,831 --> 00:09:24,067
Going bananas down here. Dwayne Hoover.
102
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,272
Dwayne Hoover. Hey, folks, it's me.
103
00:09:26,179 --> 00:09:28,113
Dwayne Hoover.
104
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:32,405
There he goes, Grace. He's drivin'
by the house because he knows!
105
00:09:32,233 --> 00:09:36,431
I'm tellin' ya, Grace! He knows!
106
00:09:36,332 --> 00:09:38,533
He doesn't know a damn thing, Harry.
107
00:09:38,446 --> 00:09:42,315
Now, will you please get
over here and sit down?
108
00:09:42,161 --> 00:09:44,095
Oh.
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00:09:46,868 --> 00:09:50,895
I'm telling you, Grace, Dwayne Hoover-
110
00:09:50,808 --> 00:09:53,310
Dwayne Hoover knows everything.
111
00:09:53,211 --> 00:09:56,266
Harry, that is such bullshit.
112
00:09:56,157 --> 00:09:58,224
Dwayne Hoover doesn't
know his son is a freak.
113
00:09:58,141 --> 00:10:01,043
He doesn't know his wife is suicidal.
114
00:10:00,929 --> 00:10:03,397
He doesn't know. Besides, who
cares if Dwayne Hoover knows?
115
00:10:03,299 --> 00:10:08,236
Oh, well, I care,
116
00:10:08,102 --> 00:10:10,837
because I'm his sales manager,
117
00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:16,728
and I'm telling you that Dwayne Hoover is
saying and doing things he never used to.
118
00:10:21,266 --> 00:10:23,934
- Come here, big boy.
- Grace, listen to me.
119
00:10:23,827 --> 00:10:27,363
- I got somethin'you want. - I've
known Dwayne Hoover for over 21 years.
120
00:10:27,223 --> 00:10:30,692
I know him the way a combat
soldier knows his buddy.
121
00:10:30,553 --> 00:10:32,554
Jesus, he knows me.
122
00:10:32,475 --> 00:10:34,476
- Harry, first of all, listen to me.
- Yes.
123
00:10:34,396 --> 00:10:36,397
You were never in the army.
124
00:10:36,318 --> 00:10:41,322
Second of all, we're the only people in this
whole town who have any kind of sex life.
125
00:10:41,121 --> 00:10:43,419
You should be proud.
126
00:10:43,395 --> 00:10:47,957
Grace, I try, but I can't.
127
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:52,217
Oh,Jesus. I'm the
freak, not Dwayne Hoover.
128
00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:56,570
Me! I mean, look. I got a sex problem.
129
00:10:56,463 --> 00:10:58,831
I'll tell you who has
a sex problem, Harry.
130
00:10:58,737 --> 00:11:03,574
How many orgasms do you think Dwayne
Hoover has a month, huh? Lift your skirt up.
131
00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:06,416
I don't care how many times
Dwayne Hoover comes a month.
132
00:11:06,296 --> 00:11:09,322
I have 87, and you have 36.
133
00:11:09,274 --> 00:11:11,942
People like Dwayne Hoover
have 1.5. 1.5, Harry.
134
00:11:11,836 --> 00:11:14,396
Now, that is sick.
135
00:11:14,366 --> 00:11:17,935
Let's move to Hawaii and get a condo
in Maui like we've always wanted.
136
00:11:17,792 --> 00:11:20,928
Oh, Grace, you know we can't.
I mean, think of my job.
137
00:11:20,804 --> 00:11:24,139
Think how long it's taken
me to become what I am.
138
00:11:24,006 --> 00:11:25,940
Maui.
139
00:11:29,066 --> 00:11:31,432
Maui.
140
00:11:31,404 --> 00:11:36,273
- Maui.
- Maui.
141
00:11:48,955 --> 00:11:51,617
Hey!
142
00:11:51,581 --> 00:11:54,049
Get out of the car, asshole!
I'm gonna teach you a lesson-
143
00:11:53,951 --> 00:11:56,186
why, you're Mr. Dwayne Hoover.
144
00:11:56,097 --> 00:11:58,665
I bought my new car down
at Exit 11 Motor Village.
145
00:11:58,562 --> 00:12:00,930
- where am I?
- Oh, Sugar Creek Estates.
146
00:12:00,836 --> 00:12:04,339
- What is happening here?
- Don't worry. Somebody just dumping sludge in the creek.
147
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,835
But the guys are gettin'it cleaned up.
148
00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:09,798
You can go on through if you want to, but
keep it kind of slow for me, will ya, please?
149
00:12:09,675 --> 00:12:14,446
- Be nice and safe. - Hey! You can't
go there! I got your license plate!
150
00:12:14,256 --> 00:12:16,891
That was Mr. Hoover from Exit 11.
Oh, I should have got his autograph.
151
00:12:16,786 --> 00:12:22,786
Doggone it. My wife's never
gonna believe that I did this.
152
00:12:23,735 --> 00:12:27,772
- what's that?
- Another special delivery.
153
00:12:27,612 --> 00:12:33,612
Two in one week. You ain't
dead yet, old man. Here you go.
154
00:12:37,635 --> 00:12:41,371
Dear Mr. Trout, My
name is Fred T. Barry,
155
00:12:41,222 --> 00:12:46,160
chairman of the arts festival, celebrating
the opening of the Mildred T. Barry...
156
00:12:45,962 --> 00:12:49,131
Memorial Center for the
Arts in Midland City.
157
00:12:49,006 --> 00:12:51,941
It would be our most profound honor...
158
00:12:51,823 --> 00:12:55,092
for you to be one of our
creative and distinguished...
159
00:12:54,962 --> 00:12:57,130
out-of-town
participants.
160
00:12:57,044 --> 00:13:00,713
This check for dollar1,000
is for travel expenses...
161
00:13:00,567 --> 00:13:03,127
and an honorarium.
162
00:13:03,097 --> 00:13:06,833
- why all this sudden interest
in Kilgore Trout, Bill, huh?
163
00:13:06,683 --> 00:13:08,684
Some mistake's been made. No question.
164
00:13:08,605 --> 00:13:11,774
Maybe they've invited me because
they know I've got a tuxedo.
165
00:13:11,648 --> 00:13:15,284
Ever show you my
tuxedo, Bill, huh? Yeah.
166
00:13:15,139 --> 00:13:18,508
If they really want Kilgore Trout,
they'll want him in a tuxedo.
167
00:13:18,373 --> 00:13:20,307
Ah. Yeah.
168
00:13:22,152 --> 00:13:24,712
High school dance.
169
00:13:24,682 --> 00:13:28,885
Believe it or not, once
even I was young, Bill.
170
00:13:28,717 --> 00:13:31,584
Me. Hey.
171
00:13:31,536 --> 00:13:33,571
Yeah, it's quite a good fit, huh?
172
00:13:33,490 --> 00:13:36,070
Hey, Bill, what is that?
173
00:13:37,813 --> 00:13:42,150
Cha, cha, cha
174
00:13:44,219 --> 00:13:46,153
Cha, cha-
175
00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:49,940
I'm too old for all that.
176
00:13:49,855 --> 00:13:54,058
why go all the way out to Midland City
just to make a laughingstock of myself?
177
00:13:53,890 --> 00:13:56,324
I'm my only fan.
178
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:59,862
Anyway, if I went out
there, I'd want to read...
179
00:13:59,719 --> 00:14:01,720
out loud from my own stuff.
180
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,543
Means I'd have to go to those
wide-open beaver bookshops...
181
00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:08,488
and dig out some of my published work.
182
00:14:09,264 --> 00:14:12,333
They don't want nothin'
but smilers out there.
183
00:14:12,210 --> 00:14:16,408
Unhappy failures need not apply.
184
00:14:16,309 --> 00:14:20,946
Maybe unhappy failures is
exactly what they should see.
185
00:14:20,761 --> 00:14:25,765
Show those provincials what nobody's
ever seen before at an arts festival.
186
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:29,435
Someone who's devoted his entire
life searching for truth and beauty...
187
00:14:29,281 --> 00:14:31,549
and didn't find doodley-squat.
188
00:14:31,459 --> 00:14:34,928
The creator who's failed
and failed and failed.
189
00:14:34,789 --> 00:14:39,392
Think there's anybody in Midland City
who'd listen to a cockroach like that, Bill?
190
00:14:39,209 --> 00:14:41,439
Anybody at all, huh?
191
00:14:41,419 --> 00:14:47,419
Maybe it's my missi๏ฟฝn, Bill.
Think it could be my missi๏ฟฝn?
192
00:15:00,090 --> 00:15:02,149
Dwayne?
193
00:15:08,737 --> 00:15:10,671
Yeah.
194
00:15:25,775 --> 00:15:27,810
Happy, happy birthday
195
00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:29,731
From your staff all who
196
00:15:29,650 --> 00:15:31,651
we wish you happy birthday
197
00:15:31,572 --> 00:15:35,008
So we could party too Hey!
198
00:15:44,286 --> 00:15:46,345
See? See, Francine?
199
00:15:46,337 --> 00:15:48,338
What'd I tell you?
Something's come over him.
200
00:15:48,259 --> 00:15:50,760
- I've never seen this Dwayne before.
- Oh, Harry.
201
00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:54,897
Dwayne may be the most charming man in
Midland City, but he's also very shy.
202
00:15:54,727 --> 00:15:58,396
I don't find him so charming anymore.
He was walking away from me just now.
203
00:15:58,251 --> 00:16:02,154
Oh, Harry. Dwayne Hoover has fewer
bad days than anybody else I know.
204
00:16:01,997 --> 00:16:04,065
- But why me?
- Oh, Harry!
205
00:16:03,983 --> 00:16:05,917
why me?
206
00:16:05,904 --> 00:16:10,398
Dwayne? Honey!
207
00:16:10,292 --> 00:16:12,693
- Not now, Francine.
- I mean, Mr. Hoover.
208
00:16:12,598 --> 00:16:15,600
- Just leave me alone, please.
- we didn't mean to embarrass you.
209
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,648
- I was embarrassed.
- Sweetheart, can we have breakfast?
210
00:16:17,562 --> 00:16:19,563
Please? After all, it's your birthday.
211
00:16:19,484 --> 00:16:21,485
Don't touch me. They're all watching.
212
00:16:21,406 --> 00:16:24,909
Nobody can see what we're
doing. Nobody can hear us.
213
00:16:24,768 --> 00:16:26,895
Hey!
214
00:16:26,882 --> 00:16:30,318
- Francine.
- what?
215
00:16:30,245 --> 00:16:32,914
- why are you pouring cream on
my bananas? - It's not cream.
216
00:16:32,807 --> 00:16:35,442
It's La Creme. It's
like cream only better
217
00:16:35,337 --> 00:16:39,039
I only like sugar on my
bananas. Francine, you know that.
218
00:16:38,892 --> 00:16:42,262
I don't like when you're
sharp, Dwayne Hoover,
219
00:16:42,128 --> 00:16:44,996
and you've been sharp
quite a lot lately.
220
00:16:44,882 --> 00:16:50,882
It's beginning to make me think that the
things Harry Le Sabre says about you are true.
221
00:16:53,272 --> 00:16:55,774
what things? what's Harry saying?
222
00:16:55,675 --> 00:17:00,145
Oh, that you've changed, that
you're not the man you used to be.
223
00:16:59,965 --> 00:17:03,901
I swear, Francine, this is why I go home
and talk to my dog for hours and hours,
224
00:17:03,745 --> 00:17:06,113
and my dog hates my guts.
225
00:17:06,019 --> 00:17:09,682
Dwayne Hoover, am I losing you?
226
00:17:09,605 --> 00:17:15,605
The only thing anyone's losing
around here is their mind, Francine.
227
00:17:15,595 --> 00:17:20,899
If you don't like me anymore, Dwayne
Hoover,just say so. I can take the truth.
228
00:17:20,687 --> 00:17:23,155
Truth, truth, truth.
229
00:17:23,121 --> 00:17:26,323
Damn, Rosemary, take them damn pills!
230
00:17:26,196 --> 00:17:30,433
You're turnin' me into plutonium!
Good morning, Mr. Hoover.
231
00:17:30,264 --> 00:17:33,399
- You're looking especially well
this morning. - Excuse me!
232
00:17:33,273 --> 00:17:35,641
we are having a private-
233
00:17:35,547 --> 00:17:37,548
Francine! I mean, sir! I'm sorry-
234
00:17:37,469 --> 00:17:39,470
we are having a private
conversation, if you don't mind.
235
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,392
we gotta get outta here right now!
236
00:17:41,313 --> 00:17:44,182
Get your hands off me, murderer! I
want Dwayne Hoover to take me home.
237
00:17:44,066 --> 00:17:46,567
Vernon, this is a demerit
on your performance record.
238
00:17:46,469 --> 00:17:48,904
I know things that could
make your head spin.
239
00:17:48,807 --> 00:17:51,509
My head spins all the time.
I'm trying to make it stop.
240
00:17:51,401 --> 00:17:54,202
we gotta get outta here right now!
241
00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:59,585
Oh, I can't stand that
woman. She is such a phony.
242
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:04,730
That was a real violation of protocol.
243
00:18:08,471 --> 00:18:11,440
Dwayne? Dwayne?
244
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:18,104
Hey, I didn't know Vernon had
an SE coupe just like mine.
245
00:18:17,918 --> 00:18:19,919
- Rosemary!
- I don't care! I love him!
246
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,975
- Francine.
- Except he's got a rear deck spoiler.
247
00:18:21,891 --> 00:18:24,025
- Francine, please.
- They look awfully masculine,
248
00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:25,941
don't you think, Dwayne?
249
00:18:25,861 --> 00:18:29,130
- Francine, please be quiet.
- Dwayne, are you changing again?
250
00:18:28,999 --> 00:18:32,579
- Harry was right.
- Oh, shut up!
251
00:18:36,239 --> 00:18:38,207
I'm sorry.
252
00:18:38,191 --> 00:18:41,193
I'm sorry, Francine. I didn't mean it.
253
00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:43,794
- Sit down, please.
- No!
254
00:18:43,732 --> 00:18:48,402
Mr. Hoover, I am crossing the
street and going directly to work.
255
00:18:48,216 --> 00:18:50,217
Hey, Dwayne Hoover. How ya doin'?
256
00:18:50,137 --> 00:18:54,641
I will behave in a professional manner
no matter how much you've changed.
257
00:18:54,462 --> 00:18:58,665
A thousand dollars.
That's a lot of paper.
258
00:18:58,497 --> 00:19:01,165
A lot of paper a thousand dollars.
259
00:19:01,059 --> 00:19:04,228
who in their right mind would
give me a thousand dollars?
260
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:08,731
why me?
261
00:19:11,179 --> 00:19:15,315
And they think I can write? I can write?
262
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:17,118
I'll show 'em.
263
00:19:17,104 --> 00:19:19,105
Howdy, partners! Dwayne Hoover here!
264
00:19:19,026 --> 00:19:22,962
And the stampede is on at Dwayne
Hoover's Exit 11 Motor Village!
265
00:19:22,804 --> 00:19:26,607
It's Hawaiian week, and that means great
savings on new and used cars and trucks.
266
00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:28,457
So don't get left out in the dust!
267
00:19:28,378 --> 00:19:31,647
Come on down and check out our
big deal for big horsepower!
268
00:19:31,517 --> 00:19:33,451
whoo!
269
00:19:33,437 --> 00:19:36,606
That's right. It is Hawaiian week-
270
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,481
why is wayne Hoobler smilin'?
271
00:19:38,402 --> 00:19:40,670
wayne Hoobler gettin' out today?
272
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:43,815
That there is Dwayne
Hoover on televisi๏ฟฝn.
273
00:19:43,686 --> 00:19:45,687
My name and his sound so much alike.
274
00:19:45,607 --> 00:19:47,642
- You can trust Dwayne-
- And I trust him.
275
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:51,331
Can't trust nobody,
wayne Hoobler, just me.
276
00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:53,415
Oh, no, I trust Dwayne Hoover,
277
00:19:53,327 --> 00:19:58,030
and I'm gonna work for him at Exit
11 Motor Village in Midland City.
278
00:19:57,842 --> 00:20:00,577
I'm gonna live happily
ever after in fairy-
279
00:20:00,468 --> 00:20:03,037
Gonna say fairyland, wayne Hoobler?
280
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,836
Hell, no. No, honest. Swear.
281
00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:08,390
Gallop on down to Dwayne
Hoover's Exit 11 Motor Village!
282
00:20:08,282 --> 00:20:12,285
- All you know is from watchin' TV.
- we got you covered.
283
00:20:12,126 --> 00:20:15,391
You can't even count money.
284
00:20:15,329 --> 00:20:17,397
Let me tell you something.
285
00:20:17,313 --> 00:20:21,316
The creator of the universe
is watchin' over me,
286
00:20:21,157 --> 00:20:25,460
and I'm gonna work for Dwayne
Hoover 'cause it's my callin'.
287
00:20:25,288 --> 00:20:31,288
warden's ready for you, Hoobler.
It's your lucky day. Not yours, Eli.
288
00:20:34,449 --> 00:20:38,719
where in hell do they get
these crazy picture ideas?
289
00:20:38,548 --> 00:20:42,685
There's absolutely nothing about a
college professor or sorority giris...
290
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,221
in the body of this novel.
291
00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:47,411
E
- Excuse me.
292
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:51,548
No women, for cryin' out loud.
293
00:20:52,864 --> 00:20:56,994
That's why I didn't get paid for it.
294
00:20:56,899 --> 00:21:01,529
All I got was
doodley-squat. Doodley-squat.
295
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:15,598
watch it, perverted bastard.
296
00:21:38,759 --> 00:21:40,760
My God! "The Dancing Fool. "
297
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,981
I never realized this
had been published.
298
00:21:42,890 --> 00:21:46,760
This must be more than 30 years old.
299
00:21:47,468 --> 00:21:50,288
It's for an arts festival.
300
00:21:55,284 --> 00:21:57,385
"what is the purpose of life?"
301
00:21:57,301 --> 00:22:01,304
To be the eyes and ears and conscience
of the creator of the universe.
302
00:22:01,144 --> 00:22:04,602
Ya fool!
303
00:22:07,006 --> 00:22:09,541
Let's go over their descriptions
again by age, color of skin, etcetera.
304
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,441
For all I know they may
not have been earthlings.
305
00:22:11,361 --> 00:22:14,730
For all I know they may have been
an intelligent gas from Pluto.
306
00:22:14,596 --> 00:22:17,498
You have some blood on your nose.
307
00:22:17,383 --> 00:22:21,519
A small leak can sink a
great ship. Benjamin Franklin.
308
00:22:21,353 --> 00:22:27,353
That gas moved fast like a
fart on linoleum. Kilgore Trout.
309
00:22:31,602 --> 00:22:33,936
Hey! Don't be a caveman!
310
00:22:33,843 --> 00:22:37,479
Escape to the future, and come on down
to Dwayne Hoover's Exit 11 Motor Village!
311
00:22:37,334 --> 00:22:39,335
I'll make ya a mammoth deal!
312
00:22:39,256 --> 00:22:42,458
That's right, folks. It's Hawaiian
week, and you can trust your old pal-
313
00:22:42,330 --> 00:22:44,331
That's me, Dwayne Hoover-
314
00:22:44,252 --> 00:22:46,821
to make you a great deal on a
luxury sedan just like this one.
315
00:22:46,719 --> 00:22:50,021
- Your stop, Hoobler.
- Come on down to Exit 11 Motor Village.
316
00:22:49,890 --> 00:22:52,058
I'm gonna slash some
prices just for you!
317
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:54,506
During Hawaiian Week we're
gonna offer you a whole new deal,
318
00:22:54,405 --> 00:22:56,406
and that's no monkey business.
319
00:22:56,327 --> 00:22:59,062
That means great savings on
new and used cars and trucks!
320
00:22:58,954 --> 00:23:01,021
I'm talkin' luxury with attitude, folks.
321
00:23:00,938 --> 00:23:02,906
Yes, sirree, Bob.
322
00:23:02,893 --> 00:23:06,996
Luxury with style. Luxury
with bird shit on the hood!
323
00:23:06,832 --> 00:23:09,367
- Pan to Le Sabre.
- There's bird shit on the hood!
324
00:23:09,266 --> 00:23:11,894
Harry,you're on!
325
00:23:12,820 --> 00:23:14,811
Oh, hi.
326
00:23:14,807 --> 00:23:19,177
I'm Harry Le Sabre, sales
manager for Exit 11 Motor Village.
327
00:23:19,001 --> 00:23:22,070
As Dwayne Hoover just told you folks,
328
00:23:21,948 --> 00:23:24,016
it's Hawaiian week here.
329
00:23:23,934 --> 00:23:26,602
Tell them about the bird shit
on the hood, why don't ya?
330
00:23:26,495 --> 00:23:29,864
we're loaded with new cars and trucks!
331
00:23:29,730 --> 00:23:32,398
Hawaiian week celebrates
our inventory reduction sale.
332
00:23:32,292 --> 00:23:35,428
So come on down and drive
out with a new automobile,
333
00:23:35,304 --> 00:23:38,673
plus a cash rebate of dollar1,149...
334
00:23:38,538 --> 00:23:42,541
and become eligible for
a free trip to Hawaii.
335
00:23:42,381 --> 00:23:44,282
- Dwayne.
- So, remember,
336
00:23:44,207 --> 00:23:46,909
it's not too late to enter!
337
00:23:46,801 --> 00:23:49,998
It's
- Remember,
338
00:23:49,939 --> 00:23:55,344
let us prove to you that
what's good for Dwayne Hoover...
339
00:23:55,128 --> 00:23:57,153
is good for you...
340
00:23:57,145 --> 00:23:59,705
too!
341
00:23:59,675 --> 00:24:01,843
I'd like to see you in my
office right away, Harry.
342
00:24:01,757 --> 00:24:05,226
Cut, cut. Harry, what the
hell were you thinking?
343
00:24:05,088 --> 00:24:07,623
- Do you think we got anything?
- Not much.
344
00:24:07,522 --> 00:24:11,356
Harry, you spoiled the whole thing.
345
00:24:11,269 --> 00:24:13,203
- Mr. Hoover!
- Hey.
346
00:24:13,126 --> 00:24:15,394
Mr. Hoover, I'm sorry about
yesterday morning in the restaurant.
347
00:24:15,304 --> 00:24:19,307
My wife, you know, she's - She sees
things that aren't really there.
348
00:24:19,148 --> 00:24:22,183
- I understand.
- Maybe I'm goin' crazy. I don't know.
349
00:24:22,061 --> 00:24:25,197
- I'll go home for hours and talk
with my gosh-darn dog. - I understand.
350
00:24:25,073 --> 00:24:27,307
- Mr. Hoover! How ya doin' there, sir?
- Good morning.
351
00:24:27,218 --> 00:24:29,987
It's a pleasure to finally meet ya.
I've been watching you half of my life.
352
00:24:29,877 --> 00:24:31,878
- Good morning.
- Remember this?
353
00:24:31,799 --> 00:24:34,567
It's from yourJuly 4 Firecracker Sale.
354
00:24:34,456 --> 00:24:36,791
Had it in my wallet since I was nine.
355
00:24:36,698 --> 00:24:40,000
The good Lord meant for us to work so
close because our names are so close, see?
356
00:24:39,869 --> 00:24:43,635
- Mine is wayne Hoobler.
- Hoobler.
357
00:24:43,552 --> 00:24:47,222
Isn't that beautiful? I'm gonna have my
own car dealership one day just like you.
358
00:24:47,076 --> 00:24:49,711
Never told anyone that though.
Saved it just for you, sir.
359
00:24:49,606 --> 00:24:51,873
- Good morning.
- Good morning, sir.
360
00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:53,885
It's a great morning,
sir. Beautiful day, sir!
361
00:24:53,801 --> 00:24:56,002
Stop shaking my hand now, young man.
362
00:24:55,914 --> 00:24:59,784
You know, you look great. Hop on in.
363
00:25:00,366 --> 00:25:02,934
- That's the- -
Young man! Young man!
364
00:25:02,832 --> 00:25:07,703
- That's what I told Eli. -
Young man! Stop shaking my-
365
00:25:07,508 --> 00:25:09,567
My God.
366
00:25:16,283 --> 00:25:17,682
Fairyland!
367
00:25:17,692 --> 00:25:20,252
No.
368
00:25:20,222 --> 00:25:22,383
Harry! Harry!
369
00:25:22,369 --> 00:25:26,906
Come over here. I need to
speak to you right this second.
370
00:25:26,725 --> 00:25:29,126
I didn't really say that.
371
00:25:29,030 --> 00:25:32,932
Dwayne, what can I say?
372
00:25:32,841 --> 00:25:35,409
I always knew you'd find out someday.
373
00:25:35,307 --> 00:25:38,709
But we've been friends far too long
for such a thing to ever interfere...
374
00:25:38,574 --> 00:25:40,775
- Harry! Harry, Harry.
- with our relationship.
375
00:25:40,687 --> 00:25:43,623
- Do you see this young man
over here? Please. - Yeah?
376
00:25:43,507 --> 00:25:45,875
Take good care of him.
Give him whatever he wants.
377
00:25:45,781 --> 00:25:48,616
Dwayne, I don't know what made
me think I could hide it from you.
378
00:25:48,503 --> 00:25:52,639
- Grace said it's
just a- - Harry. Harry!
379
00:25:52,472 --> 00:25:57,962
- we'll discuss it in my office, okay?
- All right.
380
00:25:57,790 --> 00:26:00,987
The inquisition.
381
00:26:00,929 --> 00:26:02,930
- Harry, put 'er there.
- Hello.
382
00:26:02,850 --> 00:26:05,352
- wayne Hoobler.
- Hoobler.
383
00:26:05,252 --> 00:26:08,254
- Hoobler, yes. It's a pleasure.
- Pleasure.
384
00:26:08,135 --> 00:26:10,336
- That your office back there?
- Yes.
385
00:26:10,248 --> 00:26:12,682
Let's go take a look.
386
00:26:17,710 --> 00:26:21,580
For some reason, this looks like it's turning
out to be another one of those tough days,
387
00:26:21,426 --> 00:26:23,360
so let's keep everything nice and-
388
00:26:23,284 --> 00:26:25,285
Excuse me, Mr. Hoover.
389
00:26:25,205 --> 00:26:28,874
Ever since breakfast yesterday I've
been thinking very hard on the subject,
390
00:26:28,728 --> 00:26:31,297
and I've decided I feel I should quit.
391
00:26:31,194 --> 00:26:35,354
I think it'll be easier on both of us.
392
00:26:39,137 --> 00:26:42,706
You don't have to be crazy to
work here, but it sure helps.
393
00:26:42,564 --> 00:26:48,564
That's just to keep people from being
serious all the time, Mr. Sourpuss.
394
00:26:50,058 --> 00:26:52,018
I'm sorry, Dwayne.
395
00:26:52,940 --> 00:26:55,704
I know you're just tense.
396
00:26:55,663 --> 00:26:58,031
You're under a lot of pressure.
397
00:26:57,936 --> 00:27:02,506
You remember how you were last year during
the George washington Day Giveaway Sale?
398
00:27:02,323 --> 00:27:06,020
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
399
00:27:05,943 --> 00:27:11,238
I swear, some people will
swallow almost anything.
400
00:27:11,548 --> 00:27:16,552
Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't referring
to your wife when I said that.
401
00:27:16,352 --> 00:27:21,187
Dwayne, I have a little
something for you.
402
00:27:22,275 --> 00:27:25,540
Just a gift to take with you.
403
00:27:26,536 --> 00:27:30,028
And, um,
404
00:27:29,963 --> 00:27:34,593
I forgive you for yesterday,
405
00:27:34,478 --> 00:27:36,412
snooks.
406
00:27:39,411 --> 00:27:42,179
I've been watching Dwayne Hoover
ever since I was nine years old.
407
00:27:42,069 --> 00:27:44,003
Nine years old.
408
00:27:43,990 --> 00:27:47,259
Did he ever say anything
about me, about my habits?
409
00:27:47,129 --> 00:27:50,465
- He said you'd give me what I need.
- Give you what you need.
410
00:27:50,332 --> 00:27:55,872
well, I wonder what the
hell he meant by that, huh?
411
00:27:56,448 --> 00:27:59,417
No, please. Put that down.
412
00:28:01,862 --> 00:28:05,598
That's much, much better.
It's a little medicine.
413
00:28:05,448 --> 00:28:09,884
Now, why don't you fill
out this entry form here,
414
00:28:09,707 --> 00:28:12,009
and, uh, let's see
what we can do for you.
415
00:28:11,918 --> 00:28:13,919
what would you like?
416
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:17,376
- Haaaa... way- - A sports
sedan. For color, uh?
417
00:28:17,234 --> 00:28:20,436
Yeah, metallic gray purple. That
should make your mouth water.
418
00:28:20,309 --> 00:28:22,744
That should make life in the passing
lane a little more comfortable.
419
00:28:22,647 --> 00:28:25,548
Hawaii.
420
00:28:25,497 --> 00:28:27,565
Hawaii. It's Hawaiian week.
421
00:28:27,482 --> 00:28:30,084
You're eligible for
a free trip to Hawaii.
422
00:28:29,981 --> 00:28:32,449
- I don't want to go there.
- Just come and sit down.
423
00:28:32,351 --> 00:28:34,352
I want to stay here!
424
00:28:34,273 --> 00:28:37,341
That's all right. You don't
have to go. That's all right.
425
00:28:37,218 --> 00:28:41,018
Now, uh, do you have a trade-in?
426
00:28:40,934 --> 00:28:42,868
- A trade?
- Yes.
427
00:28:42,856 --> 00:28:45,691
Yes, sir, I'm a homemaker. Honest.
428
00:28:45,578 --> 00:28:49,378
Oh. A homemaker, huh?
429
00:28:49,292 --> 00:28:54,529
Oh, uh, well, maybe a sports
sedan isn't quite right for you.
430
00:28:54,321 --> 00:28:58,725
How about a Crown Victoria?
One owner, low miles.
431
00:28:58,549 --> 00:29:01,384
Little old lady only drove
it to a retirement home.
432
00:29:01,271 --> 00:29:04,974
- You have that for me?
- Yes! You just sign right here.
433
00:29:04,826 --> 00:29:07,727
- I'll get you the keys.
- Fairyland.
434
00:29:07,612 --> 00:29:09,282
- what?
- what?
435
00:29:09,277 --> 00:29:10,945
- what'd you say?
- Nothin'.
436
00:29:10,878 --> 00:29:13,179
- I didn't say nothin'. Must
have been someb- - Yes,you did.
437
00:29:13,088 --> 00:29:16,958
Goddamn it. I distinctly
heard you say f-f-
438
00:29:16,804 --> 00:29:21,507
why'd you say that? Please, help
me. I need to know why you said that.
439
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,956
Is that the image? Is that
the image? Does it show?
440
00:29:24,810 --> 00:29:28,480
For God's sake, man!
Tell me! Does it show?
441
00:29:28,334 --> 00:29:30,335
Please don't tell Dwayne Hoover.
442
00:29:30,256 --> 00:29:32,991
Look, I'm not lost, I swear! I
promise. It's just all the colors.
443
00:29:32,881 --> 00:29:34,882
Colors? what colors?
444
00:29:34,803 --> 00:29:37,404
For Christ sake, you have
colors on. This is a black suit.
445
00:29:37,300 --> 00:29:40,880
This is a conservative black suit!
446
00:29:50,945 --> 00:29:54,437
Oh. Oh.
447
00:29:54,372 --> 00:29:57,170
Much, much better.
448
00:29:57,124 --> 00:29:59,492
- Now, sit down, Mr. Hoover.
- " Bler. "
449
00:29:59,398 --> 00:30:01,399
- " Bler"?
- Hoobler.
450
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:03,989
- Oh. - You see, the good Lord
gave us names so close,
451
00:30:03,883 --> 00:30:06,684
so that both of us would
know exactly what to do.
452
00:30:06,572 --> 00:30:09,837
Hoobler. Mr. Hoobler.
453
00:30:09,776 --> 00:30:12,006
Now, listen to me.
454
00:30:11,986 --> 00:30:16,457
Now, there are ways to hide
these papers permanently.
455
00:30:16,278 --> 00:30:20,681
But you
- you must never, ever...
456
00:30:20,569 --> 00:30:24,205
tell anyone about our little talk today.
457
00:30:24,060 --> 00:30:25,894
- Yes, sir.
- Oh.
458
00:30:25,822 --> 00:30:28,156
- And thank you, sir.
- Oh, thank you.
459
00:30:28,063 --> 00:30:30,064
- Can you do me
a favor? - Mm-hmm.
460
00:30:29,984 --> 00:30:33,053
Tell Dwayne Hoover I'll be here
bright and early in the morning.
461
00:30:32,931 --> 00:30:35,099
No, no, no. No. wait.
You can't come back!
462
00:30:35,013 --> 00:30:37,281
Bright and early! It's my calling!
463
00:30:37,191 --> 00:30:39,391
You can't come back!
464
00:30:44,556 --> 00:30:49,755
One, two, three, four. Hmm. Ah. Ah.
465
00:30:53,236 --> 00:30:55,170
Ah!
466
00:30:56,790 --> 00:30:58,724
Ah.
467
00:31:07,584 --> 00:31:09,518
Hello?
468
00:31:09,506 --> 00:31:12,374
Dwayne knows. Everybody knows.
469
00:31:12,260 --> 00:31:15,196
He wants to see me in his office.
what do I do? I'm a nervous wreck.
470
00:31:15,079 --> 00:31:19,616
- Just take a relax.
- I've already taken four time capsules!
471
00:31:19,434 --> 00:31:23,437
- Maui beckons.
- No, no, no. Please, Grace, please.
472
00:31:23,278 --> 00:31:25,612
This is very, very
important. Listen to me.
473
00:31:25,518 --> 00:31:31,323
Harry, what is important is what is, and you
are the result of two million biological years.
474
00:31:31,092 --> 00:31:34,027
Don't blow it. I love you.
475
00:31:36,633 --> 00:31:40,865
Ah! Don't blow it, yeah.
476
00:32:11,510 --> 00:32:13,444
Dear Mr. Hoover,
477
00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:17,234
Sugar Creek Estates, of which you are the
primary stockholder and chief developer,
478
00:32:17,083 --> 00:32:21,319
will be the subject of a public forum
to discuss the toxic soil findings...
479
00:32:21,149 --> 00:32:24,154
beneath the development site.
480
00:32:44,721 --> 00:32:47,417
Midland City, come on.
481
00:32:48,436 --> 00:32:51,237
Oh, how can you stand
that smell out there?
482
00:32:51,126 --> 00:32:53,061
Oh, shut the door!
483
00:32:52,983 --> 00:32:56,111
Oof! Oof.
484
00:32:56,058 --> 00:33:01,826
Oh, it's all poisoned now.
485
00:33:01,663 --> 00:33:04,798
Think of the shit most
of these factories make.
486
00:33:04,673 --> 00:33:09,838
Raspberry air freshener,
gourmet cat food,
487
00:33:09,701 --> 00:33:11,692
plastic doughnuts.
488
00:33:11,688 --> 00:33:13,689
I used to be a conservationist.
489
00:33:13,610 --> 00:33:16,578
Used to weep and wail when I heard
about people shooting bald eagles...
490
00:33:16,458 --> 00:33:19,193
from helicopters and all
that, but I gave it up.
491
00:33:19,085 --> 00:33:23,656
I laugh about it now. I say, "
Up your ass! Man needs its gas!"
492
00:33:23,473 --> 00:33:25,907
You gotta be kiddin' me.
493
00:33:25,811 --> 00:33:28,547
You ever read a story
called "Gilgongo"?
494
00:33:28,438 --> 00:33:32,274
About a planet that becomes too unpleasant
because there was too much creation going on?
495
00:33:32,121 --> 00:33:34,188
- Gil what?
- Gilgongo.
496
00:33:34,106 --> 00:33:37,442
- Extinct.
- I gotta take a leak.
497
00:33:37,308 --> 00:33:40,544
I understand that to mean
you're gonna steal a mirror.
498
00:33:40,415 --> 00:33:43,316
- Steal a mirror?
- Leaks.
499
00:33:43,265 --> 00:33:45,500
The holes between two universes.
500
00:33:45,412 --> 00:33:49,215
Don't get too near to that leak. You don't
want to wind up in the other universe, do you?
501
00:33:49,062 --> 00:33:52,664
- Maybe you should take some more
time to relax, Gramps. - Time is a joker.
502
00:33:52,521 --> 00:33:55,824
The only solution to any problem
is time. How lucky can you get?
503
00:33:55,693 --> 00:33:58,695
All right, that's 23.50 for the diesel.
504
00:33:58,576 --> 00:34:01,044
Don't forget to clean
the side leak there.
505
00:34:00,945 --> 00:34:03,179
- The what?
- The leak.
506
00:34:03,090 --> 00:34:08,675
- The mirror! - Oh, the
mir- Oh, well, that's funny.
507
00:34:09,463 --> 00:34:12,043
what are you lookin' at?
508
00:34:22,049 --> 00:34:25,985
Ah!
509
00:34:58,849 --> 00:35:02,046
Just a-
510
00:35:01,988 --> 00:35:04,568
Just a gosh-darn minute!
511
00:35:10,314 --> 00:35:13,181
Okay!
512
00:35:13,133 --> 00:35:18,070
Dwayne! Uh-
513
00:35:17,936 --> 00:35:23,135
Hey, how's my old army buddy?
514
00:35:22,996 --> 00:35:25,965
As well as can be expected, Harry.
515
00:35:25,848 --> 00:35:30,333
How about you? You
having any... problems?
516
00:35:31,931 --> 00:35:35,458
No. No, I, uh-
517
00:35:35,391 --> 00:35:39,418
I don't know how to say it, but-
518
00:35:39,330 --> 00:35:45,105
I guess it started with the
Tugboat Annie movie. Yeah?
519
00:35:47,913 --> 00:35:51,349
I don't know. Maybe it was
panties on a clothesline...
520
00:35:51,211 --> 00:35:54,513
or Mother's bra in the laundry...
521
00:35:54,382 --> 00:35:57,351
or sister's slip, this silk-
522
00:35:57,234 --> 00:36:01,571
Vernon Garr's wife, Rosemary, thinks Vern
is trying to turn her brain into plutonium.
523
00:36:01,397 --> 00:36:05,891
- what do you think
of that? - Uh, well-
524
00:36:05,784 --> 00:36:08,844
God!
525
00:36:08,795 --> 00:36:10,729
That's just-
526
00:36:14,911 --> 00:36:17,141
we play around.
527
00:36:17,122 --> 00:36:21,149
Horsey. Dressy. Grace and I.
528
00:36:21,062 --> 00:36:24,759
It's fun, but it's-
529
00:36:24,679 --> 00:36:27,781
It's a private thing.
It's in our own house.
530
00:36:27,658 --> 00:36:30,821
we don't-
Uh, i-it-
531
00:36:30,765 --> 00:36:33,359
Not-
You know-
532
00:36:33,328 --> 00:36:36,229
what's wrong-
It's, uh-
533
00:36:36,177 --> 00:36:40,080
we don't have any children, so, you
know, why contribute to overpopulation?
534
00:36:39,925 --> 00:36:42,723
Harry, sit down, please.
535
00:36:42,679 --> 00:36:44,613
Sit down!
536
00:36:44,601 --> 00:36:49,231
Okay. Damn it. Oh, geez-
537
00:36:49,116 --> 00:36:52,085
Sit down!
538
00:36:52,030 --> 00:36:55,989
That's good.
539
00:36:55,907 --> 00:36:58,705
You did sit down.
540
00:36:59,621 --> 00:37:02,631
why did you sit down, Harry?
541
00:37:04,041 --> 00:37:06,743
Because you asked me to, Dwayne.
542
00:37:06,636 --> 00:37:09,730
Right. Good.
543
00:37:09,677 --> 00:37:13,480
I asked you to sit down, and you
did. You do that, don't you, Harry?
544
00:37:13,328 --> 00:37:16,964
People ask you to do things, and
you do that. why is that, Harry?
545
00:37:16,819 --> 00:37:21,688
Uh, what are you saying, Dwayne?
546
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,228
what are you saying, Harry?
547
00:37:24,122 --> 00:37:29,560
well, what I'm saying is that I-
548
00:37:29,406 --> 00:37:31,601
I guess that...
549
00:37:31,583 --> 00:37:35,386
I don't really understand
my own statement, you know?
550
00:37:35,235 --> 00:37:39,372
Is that why you're telling
people that I've changed, Harry?
551
00:37:39,207 --> 00:37:43,143
Oh, no, no, no. I just said you're
behaving a little differently.
552
00:37:42,986 --> 00:37:46,755
It's
- I meant it as a compliment.
553
00:37:46,604 --> 00:37:48,605
- You meant it as a compliment.
- Yes.
554
00:37:48,525 --> 00:37:51,027
So you weren't happy
with the way I was before.
555
00:37:50,929 --> 00:37:53,063
Are you sure this doesn't have
anything to do with the fact...
556
00:37:52,977 --> 00:37:55,412
that only you know that
I was adopted, Harry?
557
00:37:55,315 --> 00:37:57,249
I want the truth!
558
00:37:57,237 --> 00:38:01,674
Good God, Dwayne, no! Come
on. we're army buddies. Army!
559
00:38:01,497 --> 00:38:04,098
You weren't in the
army, Harry, remember?
560
00:38:03,994 --> 00:38:07,293
You stayed home.
561
00:38:07,229 --> 00:38:10,062
I was in the Signal Corps.
562
00:38:10,015 --> 00:38:12,916
You were not in the army.
563
00:38:15,556 --> 00:38:17,490
Harry.
564
00:38:23,499 --> 00:38:29,203
I have never let the fact that you have
the name of a Buick come between us.
565
00:38:28,975 --> 00:38:31,310
- Have I, Harry?
- No.
566
00:38:31,217 --> 00:38:33,385
- Because you can't help that.
- No.
567
00:38:33,299 --> 00:38:35,300
- It's not your fault.
- Right.
568
00:38:35,222 --> 00:38:37,990
- You can't change that,
can you, Harry? - Mm-mm.
569
00:38:37,878 --> 00:38:41,974
But this is Hawaiian week.
570
00:38:41,883 --> 00:38:43,817
Yeah.
571
00:38:43,804 --> 00:38:45,905
I suggest you go get with Vernon Garr.
572
00:38:45,822 --> 00:38:48,057
Have him get you some cotton waste.
573
00:38:47,968 --> 00:38:50,002
Soak it in blue Sunoco.
574
00:38:49,921 --> 00:38:54,824
And I want you to burn
your entire wardrobe.
575
00:38:54,693 --> 00:38:57,061
- Do you understand what I'm saying?
- Yeah.
576
00:38:56,967 --> 00:39:00,903
Now, look, in the old days,
577
00:39:00,811 --> 00:39:04,580
when we first started selling new
cars, we sold them to older people.
578
00:39:04,429 --> 00:39:08,999
Under those circumstances, it was perfectly
all right to dress the way you dress.
579
00:39:08,817 --> 00:39:11,186
Hey, you could dress like a mortician.
580
00:39:11,091 --> 00:39:15,260
You could dress like my
Aunt Clarice for that matter.
581
00:39:15,094 --> 00:39:18,291
But doggone it, Harry!
582
00:39:18,233 --> 00:39:20,968
You seem to be forgetting something!
583
00:39:20,859 --> 00:39:25,863
we are selling the most aggressively
designed automobile on the road today...
584
00:39:25,663 --> 00:39:29,533
for people that are looking for
unsurpassed driving excitement.
585
00:39:29,378 --> 00:39:33,848
But look at you. You're
dressed like an undertaker.
586
00:39:33,670 --> 00:39:36,005
Now, Harry, I have some good news.
587
00:39:35,912 --> 00:39:39,614
Modern science has given us a whole
new wonderful array of colors...
588
00:39:39,466 --> 00:39:44,871
with exciting names like red,
blue, orange, yellow, pink.
589
00:39:44,654 --> 00:39:49,591
- Ah.
- Am I making myself clear?
590
00:39:57,658 --> 00:40:00,760
why don't you come right
out and say it, Dwayne?
591
00:40:00,637 --> 00:40:02,571
Say what, Harry?
592
00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:09,673
That I like to wear women's clothes.
593
00:40:09,539 --> 00:40:15,307
- Is that what you like, Harry?
- Yeah.
594
00:40:15,144 --> 00:40:17,078
Yeah.
595
00:40:18,602 --> 00:40:22,060
No. No.
596
00:40:21,998 --> 00:40:26,935
No, no, no, no. well-
597
00:40:29,748 --> 00:40:32,876
Not exactly.
598
00:40:32,822 --> 00:40:35,457
Then why do you want me to say you
like to wear women's clothes, Harry?
599
00:40:35,353 --> 00:40:38,989
I don't, Dwayne. I don't.
I swear to God I don't.
600
00:40:38,844 --> 00:40:41,479
Then what are you saying?
601
00:40:41,374 --> 00:40:44,042
I'll change. I'll change.
602
00:40:43,936 --> 00:40:48,006
- You'll change?
- Yes.
603
00:40:47,843 --> 00:40:49,844
- I have your word on that?
- Absolutely.
604
00:40:49,765 --> 00:40:52,067
It's Hawaiian week. I've got
to be able to count on you.
605
00:40:51,975 --> 00:40:53,909
Yes, you can.
606
00:40:53,897 --> 00:40:55,964
- So you
change. - Mm-hmm.
607
00:40:55,882 --> 00:40:58,317
- And don't you worry about me changing.
- No, no, no, no.
608
00:40:58,221 --> 00:41:00,789
- That's fair, isn't it?
- Oh, absolutely. That's more than fair.
609
00:41:00,686 --> 00:41:03,488
- That's not too much to ask.
- No, no, no.
610
00:41:03,376 --> 00:41:05,844
Good God, no.
611
00:41:05,810 --> 00:41:10,008
And I wanna be friends like before.
612
00:41:11,672 --> 00:41:14,539
- Friends?
- Yeah.
613
00:41:14,489 --> 00:41:16,923
- Buddies?
- Buddies.
614
00:41:18,013 --> 00:41:20,253
- Buddies.
- Buddies.
615
00:41:21,504 --> 00:41:25,084
- You can go, Harry.
- All right.
616
00:41:25,283 --> 00:41:28,844
- Right now.
- Oh. Yes.
617
00:41:28,774 --> 00:41:31,834
Yes, yes, Dwayne.
618
00:41:34,890 --> 00:41:36,824
Buddies.
619
00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:51,137
Francine.
620
00:41:51,032 --> 00:41:54,668
He said I dress like an undertaker.
621
00:41:54,524 --> 00:41:57,159
Oh, I thought he was gonna bring up-
622
00:41:57,053 --> 00:42:01,456
Just remember, Harry. Dwayne
Hoover is the best employer in town.
623
00:42:01,281 --> 00:42:03,215
Ah!
624
00:42:06,277 --> 00:42:09,179
From the most beautiful
place in the worid...
625
00:42:09,062 --> 00:42:13,199
comes the most exotic
tanning product in the worid.
626
00:42:13,035 --> 00:42:15,469
Hawaiian Tropic.
627
00:42:15,436 --> 00:42:18,536
Natural oils, tropical fruits,
628
00:42:18,448 --> 00:42:22,017
flora, nuts and protective sun screens.
629
00:42:21,874 --> 00:42:25,504
Created by one man for one reason.
630
00:42:25,397 --> 00:42:29,128
White is for laundry.
631
00:42:31,321 --> 00:42:33,923
"Thank you for calling Dwayne
Hoover's Exit 11 Motor Village,
632
00:42:33,820 --> 00:42:36,354
the number-one dealership
in the Four Corners area,
633
00:42:36,254 --> 00:42:40,057
where we are celebrating Hawaiian week
with free prizes and big discounts. "
634
00:42:39,905 --> 00:42:42,440
This is Francine Pefko.
How may I help you?
635
00:42:42,338 --> 00:42:44,568
Francine.
636
00:42:44,548 --> 00:42:47,176
Dwayne?
637
00:42:47,143 --> 00:42:50,712
I want you to walk out of here
with me this very moment...
638
00:42:50,569 --> 00:42:53,271
and go to the Best western
Apollo Inn in Shepherdstown.
639
00:42:53,164 --> 00:42:57,294
Mr. Hoover!
640
00:42:57,199 --> 00:43:01,035
You ought to have some crazy teenager who
can run off with you whenever you want her to.
641
00:43:00,882 --> 00:43:06,517
I don't want a crazy
teenager, Francine. I want you!
642
00:43:10,554 --> 00:43:14,057
- who's this knucklehead, Harry?
- It's wayne Hoobler.
643
00:43:13,918 --> 00:43:15,952
He's a friend of Dwayne's.
644
00:43:15,871 --> 00:43:18,906
- Take good care of him, will ya?
- He looks like a good guy.
645
00:43:18,784 --> 00:43:21,453
How ya doin', buddy?
wanna take her for a spin?
646
00:43:21,348 --> 00:43:25,017
- Four-door, 429-
- Hey, Mr. Hoover!
647
00:43:24,871 --> 00:43:27,533
what say?
648
00:43:27,496 --> 00:43:30,164
This key entry thing-
It's a four digit-
649
00:43:30,058 --> 00:43:35,062
Oh! Be right back, fellas.
we're just going to the... bank.
650
00:43:34,863 --> 00:43:38,321
Maybe stop for a... snack.
651
00:43:40,082 --> 00:43:43,118
I'll be here when you get back,
Mr. Hoover. You can count on it.
652
00:43:42,998 --> 00:43:48,778
You could fry an egg on
this engine if you wanted to.
653
00:43:53,182 --> 00:43:55,548
Extinct. Gilgongo.
654
00:43:56,929 --> 00:44:01,099
The bull elephant makes
his way inexorably...
655
00:44:00,932 --> 00:44:04,835
for what he knows to be
his own certain death.
656
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,513
Slouching, as it were,
657
00:44:07,466 --> 00:44:11,381
to what's his own personal Bethlehem.
658
00:44:17,010 --> 00:44:19,342
Gilgongo!
659
00:44:19,316 --> 00:44:24,471
Oh, I love the smell of
raspberry air freshener.
660
00:44:24,536 --> 00:44:28,996
Hmm. TV helps me relax.
661
00:44:28,891 --> 00:44:33,419
we sure do want you relaxed, Francine.
662
00:44:33,311 --> 00:44:35,312
- Hmm!
- That's for sure.
663
00:44:35,233 --> 00:44:38,235
Now why would a thin
good-looking man like that...
664
00:44:38,116 --> 00:44:40,641
love a woman so heavy?
665
00:44:40,614 --> 00:44:44,550
- Come up here. - Now, welcome
to The Monty Rapid Show...
666
00:44:44,391 --> 00:44:47,588
with Mr. Monty Rapid.
667
00:44:47,531 --> 00:44:51,701
Thank you, my old friend Virgil, and
welcome, everyone, to The Monty Rapid Show.
668
00:44:51,534 --> 00:44:55,604
Today it is my great privilege to
have here in the studio as my guest...
669
00:44:55,441 --> 00:45:00,178
- Mr. Fred T. Barry, one of Midland City's great leaders,
- Look! It's Fred T. Barry.
670
00:44:59,989 --> 00:45:02,324
also one of its wealthiest.
671
00:45:02,232 --> 00:45:04,800
- Mr. Barry has joined
us- - I love you, Dwayne.
672
00:45:04,698 --> 00:45:06,866
No, Francine, don't. Don't.
673
00:45:06,779 --> 00:45:08,780
I know I promised never to say it,
674
00:45:08,701 --> 00:45:12,904
but it's a promise I can't
help breaking all the time.
675
00:45:12,736 --> 00:45:14,670
Francine, please!
676
00:45:14,658 --> 00:45:18,127
I know the subject is painful for you,
677
00:45:17,988 --> 00:45:21,657
ever since your wife
started acting... crazy.
678
00:45:21,511 --> 00:45:23,713
- That's enough!
- Oh!
679
00:45:23,626 --> 00:45:28,429
Can you tell the listening audience what they
should expect from your -our art festival?
680
00:45:28,236 --> 00:45:32,639
Art, Monty. They can expect art.
681
00:45:32,529 --> 00:45:34,663
when I go to heaven-
682
00:45:34,579 --> 00:45:39,883
on Judgment Day and they ask me
what bad things I did down here,
683
00:45:39,670 --> 00:45:42,539
I'm gonna have to tell them, well-
684
00:45:42,425 --> 00:45:44,993
A little art, Monty, can go a long way.
685
00:45:44,891 --> 00:45:48,260
It was a promise I
made to a man I loved...
686
00:45:48,126 --> 00:45:50,127
and I kept breaking it all the time.
687
00:45:50,047 --> 00:45:53,616
Francine, let's just
drop the whole subject.
688
00:45:53,473 --> 00:45:57,432
I promised never to say-
689
00:45:57,350 --> 00:45:59,818
- Francine, please, just
don't say those- - I love you!
690
00:45:59,720 --> 00:46:03,289
- "The greatest living writer in the English language. "
- Love, love, love, love.
691
00:46:03,146 --> 00:46:06,582
- Hmm.
- Twist me a bit.
692
00:46:06,509 --> 00:46:10,809
Kilgore Trout.
693
00:46:10,705 --> 00:46:13,373
- Mr. Kilgore Trout.
- You work so hard.
694
00:46:13,266 --> 00:46:17,269
- Kilgore Trout.
- was a man, I'd be tense all the time too.
695
00:46:17,109 --> 00:46:22,880
Kilgore Trout.
696
00:46:22,714 --> 00:46:24,715
People, stick around.
697
00:46:24,635 --> 00:46:27,637
We'll be right back in a rapid moment
right after this important message.
698
00:46:27,519 --> 00:46:29,453
Dwayne?
699
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:31,775
Remember when we
bundled up baby George...
700
00:46:31,682 --> 00:46:35,418
and took him for his first
ride in the station wagon?
701
00:46:35,268 --> 00:46:38,103
- He was so happy.
- You work so hard, honey.
702
00:46:37,991 --> 00:46:40,426
Maybe that's why God created women:
703
00:46:40,329 --> 00:46:42,630
to help men relax from time to time.
704
00:46:42,539 --> 00:46:46,942
You feel better now, dear?
705
00:46:46,830 --> 00:46:48,764
Good.
706
00:46:48,751 --> 00:46:52,621
Oh, darn. Oh, I promised
Gloria I'd be back in one hour.
707
00:46:52,468 --> 00:46:56,237
The perfect blast, six
feet of choice meats,
708
00:46:56,087 --> 00:46:58,612
real dairy cheese.
709
00:46:58,584 --> 00:47:01,152
You know, this would be
the perfect location...
710
00:47:01,050 --> 00:47:07,050
for a fried chicken franchise
right here next to the prison.
711
00:47:08,032 --> 00:47:12,369
Dwayne,you're makin'a
face like a rattlesnake.
712
00:47:12,196 --> 00:47:14,562
Ah!
713
00:47:14,533 --> 00:47:16,768
Today we're turning out the
deals that beat the band-
714
00:47:16,679 --> 00:47:19,375
- Aha what?
- Francine!
715
00:47:19,337 --> 00:47:22,940
Next time you want to ask me
for a gift, do me a favor...
716
00:47:22,797 --> 00:47:27,167
and don't hint around until
after we are done making love.
717
00:47:26,992 --> 00:47:31,329
I like to keep my lovemaking
and my gift giving separate!
718
00:47:31,155 --> 00:47:33,423
Dwayne, I don't even know
what it is you think I want.
719
00:47:33,333 --> 00:47:35,567
I don't even know what it
is you think I want, Dwayne!
720
00:47:35,479 --> 00:47:38,081
- why are you doing this to me?
- God bless America!
721
00:47:37,977 --> 00:47:40,044
Every woman has her price, Francine.
722
00:47:39,963 --> 00:47:43,132
Yours just happens to be
dollar200,000 with parking and lights!
723
00:47:43,005 --> 00:47:47,275
It's not for me. It's for you.
Everything I want is for you!
724
00:47:47,104 --> 00:47:52,208
It's not for me. It's for you!
Everything I want is for you, Dwayne!
725
00:47:52,005 --> 00:47:55,031
Harry Le Sabre was right!
726
00:47:54,982 --> 00:47:57,884
He said you'd changed,
and, my God, you've changed.
727
00:47:57,770 --> 00:48:01,831
Dwayne Hoover, you have changed!
728
00:48:04,110 --> 00:48:08,113
I'm sorry I was so
cross with you, Francine.
729
00:48:07,954 --> 00:48:10,622
I don't know what's wrong with me.
730
00:48:10,516 --> 00:48:16,516
You're the most loyal and unselfish
person I've ever known in my whole life.
731
00:48:17,466 --> 00:48:19,593
I'm so sorry.
732
00:48:20,541 --> 00:48:22,475
Please forgive me.
733
00:48:26,337 --> 00:48:30,302
- I'm so confused.
- Oh, we all are.
734
00:48:30,661 --> 00:48:33,930
I'm just looking for somebody to
steer me in the right direction,
735
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:35,734
just a sign.
736
00:48:35,721 --> 00:48:37,922
I just need somebody
to talk to. That's all.
737
00:48:37,834 --> 00:48:40,200
well, here, baby.
738
00:48:40,173 --> 00:48:45,304
Sit here and tell Mommy everything.
739
00:48:45,170 --> 00:48:47,138
Okay.
740
00:48:47,122 --> 00:48:53,027
- Then, tell me, please.
- Tell you what, my sweetheart?
741
00:48:52,791 --> 00:48:54,792
what life is about.
742
00:48:54,713 --> 00:48:59,309
Oh, only God knows
that, Dwayne, only God.
743
00:48:59,197 --> 00:49:02,860
God, God, God, God.
744
00:49:05,378 --> 00:49:08,575
- Francine?
- Hmm?
745
00:49:08,516 --> 00:49:12,086
Did I ever tell you about my
trip to headquarters in Michigan?
746
00:49:11,943 --> 00:49:15,111
- when you won the Golden Sales Award?
- Yes.
747
00:49:14,985 --> 00:49:16,919
Mm-mm.
748
00:49:16,907 --> 00:49:19,976
I was given a tour of
the research facility.
749
00:49:19,854 --> 00:49:23,223
- Do you know what impressed me the most?
- what?
750
00:49:23,088 --> 00:49:27,125
The place where they do everything to cars
that you're not supposed to do to cars.
751
00:49:26,965 --> 00:49:30,600
I remember seeing a sign on
the door of the building...
752
00:49:30,455 --> 00:49:33,845
where they did all this torture.
753
00:49:34,457 --> 00:49:37,937
It said, " Destructive Testing. "
754
00:49:39,262 --> 00:49:45,262
I remember looking at that sign and
thinking, is this what I'm here for,
755
00:49:46,564 --> 00:49:52,294
to see just how much a man
can take without breaking?
756
00:49:53,770 --> 00:49:56,639
I've lost my way, Francine.
757
00:49:56,524 --> 00:49:58,890
Oh.
758
00:49:58,863 --> 00:50:00,864
Take my hand and lead
me out of the woods.
759
00:50:00,785 --> 00:50:03,553
- You're just tired, honey.
- I'm way beyond tired.
760
00:50:03,442 --> 00:50:06,878
we're here visiting with Fred T. Barry-
761
00:50:06,741 --> 00:50:09,876
Maybe we should take
you to see a doctor?
762
00:50:09,751 --> 00:50:12,119
I don't need to hear what a
doctor has to say, Francine.
763
00:50:12,025 --> 00:50:15,862
I've heard what every person in
Midland City's had to say twice.
764
00:50:15,709 --> 00:50:18,644
which one of us would you like, Dwayne?
765
00:50:18,526 --> 00:50:20,994
Which one of us would you like, Dwayne?
766
00:50:20,897 --> 00:50:22,898
- Would you like, Dwayne?
- Dwayne?
767
00:50:22,818 --> 00:50:26,413
Dwayne! what is it? Dwayne!
768
00:50:26,341 --> 00:50:30,177
I need to hear truths
I haven't heard before.
769
00:50:30,024 --> 00:50:32,393
I may need to speak to
someone from another planet.
770
00:50:32,299 --> 00:50:37,303
- The function of the artist is to triumph over life.
- Snuggies!
771
00:50:37,103 --> 00:50:39,162
It certainly is.
772
00:50:39,152 --> 00:50:43,022
what about the writers and
artists coming to Midland City?
773
00:50:42,867 --> 00:50:46,402
- what?
- Maybe you should talk to one of them.
774
00:50:46,262 --> 00:50:50,365
- Mr. Kilgore Trout.
- Kilgore Trout. wow.
775
00:50:50,201 --> 00:50:52,135
Kilgore Trout.
776
00:50:52,122 --> 00:50:56,354
Bunny, Bunny Hoover
777
00:50:56,255 --> 00:50:58,856
Bunny, the crooner, Hoover
778
00:50:58,752 --> 00:51:01,186
Mr. Rhythm Mover
779
00:51:01,154 --> 00:51:03,155
Let me have a vodka cranberry, will ya?
780
00:51:03,076 --> 00:51:05,077
- Got a bladder infection.
- Right.
781
00:51:04,998 --> 00:51:08,934
Weekdays to please at Best
Western Apollo Inn and Lounge
782
00:51:08,777 --> 00:51:11,337
And sometimes
783
00:51:11,307 --> 00:51:14,799
So I don't have to scrounge
784
00:51:14,733 --> 00:51:17,634
At the competition
785
00:51:17,584 --> 00:51:19,518
Yeah
786
00:51:19,506 --> 00:51:22,208
- I'm sure that's enough hair
spray, Francine. - Dwayne,just-
787
00:51:22,101 --> 00:51:24,296
Fine. Looks fine.
788
00:51:26,423 --> 00:51:29,620
- Hi.
- Checking out so soon?
789
00:51:29,562 --> 00:51:32,258
You just got here.
790
00:51:32,221 --> 00:51:35,523
Hey, everybody, now here's a must.
791
00:51:35,391 --> 00:51:40,161
- In the lobby it's Dwayne Hoover, the man you can trust.
- Dwayne?
792
00:51:39,971 --> 00:51:44,174
And there's the lovely Francine Pefko,
Daddy's secretary from the get-go.
793
00:51:44,006 --> 00:51:47,442
- Dwayne, isn't that your son George?
- Yes, that's George.
794
00:51:47,304 --> 00:51:51,400
Can do Francine, I can do
795
00:51:51,308 --> 00:51:53,888
Can do a little treasure
796
00:51:53,807 --> 00:51:56,375
- Come on. Let's go.
- Hi, George.
797
00:51:56,273 --> 00:51:58,875
- we're leaving.
- For your and Daddy's pleasure
798
00:51:58,770 --> 00:52:02,506
I didn't know he was in show business or
that he had a show business name like Bunny.
799
00:52:02,358 --> 00:52:06,055
Bunny Hoover can do
800
00:52:05,977 --> 00:52:09,913
Yeah
801
00:52:09,819 --> 00:52:12,554
You're loaded with
talent, kid. You know that.
802
00:52:12,445 --> 00:52:14,845
- Yeah?
- Absolutely.
803
00:52:21,284 --> 00:52:24,009
It's just a big elephant!
804
00:52:25,097 --> 00:52:27,031
Sir? Officer?
805
00:52:29,196 --> 00:52:34,667
Did you ever wonder how they get
each one to taste exactly the same?
806
00:52:34,448 --> 00:52:38,351
Of course, you don't. You've got too many
other things on your mind, bigger things.
807
00:52:38,195 --> 00:52:41,430
I just pray each Sunday that I'll be
taken care of, but you ask questions.
808
00:52:41,301 --> 00:52:43,691
what is going on here?
809
00:52:46,395 --> 00:52:48,529
Everything all right, Mother?
810
00:52:48,443 --> 00:52:52,311
Mom? Mom!
811
00:52:52,222 --> 00:52:54,156
Mother!
812
00:53:02,632 --> 00:53:04,964
That's Dwayne Hoover.
813
00:53:06,475 --> 00:53:09,844
- Hmm! Look, it's Fred T. Barry.
- Hello, Dwayne!
814
00:53:09,710 --> 00:53:13,669
And we just saw him on televisi๏ฟฝn.
815
00:53:13,585 --> 00:53:16,520
we've located worid Classics Library.
816
00:53:16,402 --> 00:53:19,605
what is worid Classics Library?
817
00:53:19,478 --> 00:53:22,198
Kilgore Trout's publisher.
818
00:53:22,968 --> 00:53:25,737
- Mmm! Listen.
- This is Fred T. Barry.
819
00:53:25,626 --> 00:53:31,164
It's Fred T. Barry on the
radio, and he's right next to us.
820
00:53:30,943 --> 00:53:33,111
Do you suppose that
means something, Dwayne?
821
00:53:33,025 --> 00:53:36,035
Mother, who is 94 this week.
822
00:53:35,972 --> 00:53:40,843
The keynote speaker will be none other
than the noted novelist Mr. Kilgore Trout.
823
00:53:40,648 --> 00:53:42,707
Kilgore Trout!
824
00:53:42,696 --> 00:53:45,765
You're going to get us killed!
825
00:53:45,643 --> 00:53:50,842
- Francine! Take a memo!
- Mr. Hoover!
826
00:53:50,704 --> 00:53:53,606
- Turn around,jackass!
- what are you, nuts?
827
00:53:53,490 --> 00:53:56,625
I want to meet with Kilgore Trout this
weekend when he comes to Midland City.
828
00:53:56,501 --> 00:53:59,837
You better start driving sensibly,
A.S.A.P., and I am not kidding!
829
00:53:59,703 --> 00:54:02,808
Just take the gosh-darn memo!
830
00:54:07,262 --> 00:54:12,199
Oh! what kind of name is Kilgore Trout?
831
00:54:12,066 --> 00:54:16,836
On the planet, everything
is reversed. It's chaos.
832
00:54:16,646 --> 00:54:21,450
And the inhabitants live
under the snow to keep warm.
833
00:54:21,257 --> 00:54:25,557
They've evolved nail-
834
00:54:26,830 --> 00:54:30,432
They've evolved nails under
what we would call their feet.
835
00:54:30,289 --> 00:54:34,793
They're quadrupods, and they got
eight nails so they don't slip.
836
00:54:34,613 --> 00:54:37,648
And the sun
- They don't go in the sun, because the sun's reversed.
837
00:54:37,526 --> 00:54:41,591
It's cold. It's a cold sun. Cold sun.
838
00:54:41,435 --> 00:54:44,097
Chaos. It's chaos.
839
00:54:44,060 --> 00:54:49,210
Everything's kind of
backwards. "Soahc. Soahc. "
840
00:54:52,114 --> 00:54:55,350
Eliot, I have come to
discuss the arts festival...
841
00:54:55,221 --> 00:54:59,419
and the arrangements for the El Greco.
842
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:04,691
- Did you find the writer? Kilgore Trout?
- Yes, we did.
843
00:55:04,477 --> 00:55:09,676
wonderful. I-Is he coming
here to Midland City?
844
00:55:09,537 --> 00:55:12,772
- Yes, Eliot, he is.
- wonderful.
845
00:55:12,643 --> 00:55:18,281
Eliot, do you know where
Kilgore Trout stories appear?
846
00:55:18,055 --> 00:55:22,754
They appear in porno smut magazines.
847
00:55:22,636 --> 00:55:25,036
Tell him, Howell.
848
00:55:25,006 --> 00:55:29,943
Yes, sir. Whips and Other Trips,
Hard Thing and Black Garter Belt.
849
00:55:29,745 --> 00:55:35,240
You mean, uh, like this?
850
00:55:37,401 --> 00:55:41,531
What I know is that Kilgore Trout...
851
00:55:41,436 --> 00:55:46,373
should win the Nobel
prize for literature.
852
00:55:49,411 --> 00:55:51,402
Kilgore Trout,
853
00:55:51,396 --> 00:56:02,832
Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout,
854
00:56:02,444 --> 00:56:04,445
Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout.
855
00:56:04,366 --> 00:56:09,167
Kilgore Trout, Kilgore-
856
00:56:18,073 --> 00:56:22,844
To enhance your life, Panasonic
technology brings you information.
857
00:56:22,654 --> 00:56:27,424
What you may not know is we also bring you the
long-lasting high performance batteries you need.
858
00:56:27,233 --> 00:56:29,301
The Plus Alkaline
battery from Panasonic.
859
00:56:29,219 --> 00:56:33,849
- This guy looks forward
to only one thing.
860
00:56:34,536 --> 00:56:37,471
Twelve people were overcome
by toxic fumes this morning...
861
00:56:37,353 --> 00:56:40,822
and were evacuated from their
homes at Sugar Creek Estates.
862
00:56:40,684 --> 00:56:43,346
Celia?
863
00:56:43,311 --> 00:56:49,311
- Sure, we're having good times, but what if?
- Are you really there?
864
00:56:50,133 --> 00:56:54,103
- They're not happy.
- Bills were adding up and then there's Scott's new school,
865
00:56:53,944 --> 00:56:56,512
but we thought, hey, we can handle this.
866
00:56:56,410 --> 00:57:00,613
Then John's company downsized,
soJohn's trying to find a new job.
867
00:57:00,445 --> 00:57:04,472
That's right. Nobody's happy.
868
00:57:04,385 --> 00:57:08,654
They're just trying
to sell you something.
869
00:57:08,483 --> 00:57:12,544
But they're together, a real family.
870
00:57:12,455 --> 00:57:14,256
we're gonna be okay.
871
00:57:14,185 --> 00:57:18,021
They're not a real family. They're
not real. They're not real people.
872
00:57:17,868 --> 00:57:21,270
Real people worry about
being surprised, Celia.
873
00:57:21,134 --> 00:57:26,105
They worry about people jumping out at them,
shouting their name at inappropriate times.
874
00:57:25,906 --> 00:57:28,040
They worry about being
carted off to the bughouse.
875
00:57:27,956 --> 00:57:29,991
we've been taking care of
people for more than 35 years.
876
00:57:29,910 --> 00:57:33,746
- Now they're happy.
- Celia, snap out of it!
877
00:57:33,593 --> 00:57:39,198
They're not real, okay? Real people
don't stand around in the grass like that.
878
00:57:38,974 --> 00:57:41,041
They're not real.
They're just lying to you.
879
00:57:40,959 --> 00:57:46,330
They're hired to lie to you. That's their
job on TV! You can't trust these people.
880
00:57:46,115 --> 00:57:49,418
Dwayne Hoover slashing prices. We're
going bananas down here for Hawaiian Week.
881
00:57:49,286 --> 00:57:52,922
Hey, ask anybody. You
can trust Dwayne Hoover.
882
00:57:52,777 --> 00:57:55,177
I'd trust you, Dwayne.
883
00:57:55,147 --> 00:58:00,483
- If only you'd tell me
which... Dwayne to trust.
884
00:58:00,335 --> 00:58:03,003
what is that supposed
to mean, hmm? Hmm, Celia?
885
00:58:02,897 --> 00:58:05,132
Is that another one of
your little secret messages?
886
00:58:05,043 --> 00:58:07,811
Are you telling me that you're
leaving me, Celia? Is that it?
887
00:58:07,700 --> 00:58:10,702
'Cause if you're telling me that just go
ahead and tell me, because I can take it.
888
00:58:10,583 --> 00:58:12,618
I can take almost anything these days.
889
00:58:12,538 --> 00:58:14,872
I feel pretty much alone most of the
time anyway, to tell you the truth.
890
00:58:14,779 --> 00:58:17,649
what I'm trying to say is,
891
00:58:17,565 --> 00:58:21,831
whether we're together... or apart...
892
00:58:24,163 --> 00:58:26,788
the moments between us...
893
00:58:28,134 --> 00:58:31,661
have always existed...
894
00:58:33,034 --> 00:58:35,332
and will always...
895
00:58:41,746 --> 00:58:43,714
Famalton,
896
00:58:43,699 --> 00:58:48,636
- the easy formula for stress relief.
- exist.
897
00:58:48,504 --> 00:58:53,669
Make each day as good as the best day.
898
00:58:53,531 --> 00:58:55,465
Mmm!
899
00:58:56,639 --> 00:58:58,773
So you see what I'm saying
about management, kid.
900
00:58:58,688 --> 00:59:00,989
You just need a little guidance-
901
00:59:00,897 --> 00:59:03,866
Jesus. That sounded like a gunshot.
902
00:59:03,748 --> 00:59:09,048
- Mommy!
- wait a minute, kid. I'll come with ya.
903
00:59:10,121 --> 00:59:14,891
- Pops, don't shoot. It's me.
- Don't shoot me either.
904
00:59:14,701 --> 00:59:17,370
I'm interested in handling his act. This
isn't the first time I've had a gun pointed-
905
00:59:17,263 --> 00:59:19,631
Don't light that in here.
This is a nonsmoking household.
906
00:59:19,537 --> 00:59:22,072
Fair enough. I'll be outside
when you're ready, Bunny.
907
00:59:21,971 --> 00:59:25,216
- His name's George!
- George.
908
00:59:28,089 --> 00:59:30,489
Did you shoot Mommy?
909
00:59:30,459 --> 00:59:35,263
You were elected cadet colonel
at the Prairie Military Academy.
910
00:59:35,070 --> 00:59:37,938
It was the highest rank you
could achieve in your senior year.
911
00:59:37,824 --> 00:59:40,960
It was supposed to
make a man out of you.
912
00:59:40,835 --> 00:59:43,169
why would I want that?
913
00:59:43,077 --> 00:59:47,282
what men do is so often cruel and ugly.
914
00:59:49,643 --> 00:59:54,580
You looked like your mother just then.
915
00:59:54,446 --> 00:59:56,573
Oh, baby.
916
00:59:59,955 --> 01:00:02,423
Go to your room.
917
01:00:02,388 --> 01:00:04,549
Yes, sir.
918
01:00:26,794 --> 01:00:31,097
The asshole of the universe ain't
Midland City. It's Libertyville, Georgia.
919
01:00:30,924 --> 01:00:35,695
- You ever seen Libertyville?
- No, haven't had the pleasure.
920
01:00:35,506 --> 01:00:39,041
Yeah, about ten years ago I got
caught in a speed trap down there.
921
01:00:38,899 --> 01:00:42,335
Got a little mad and took a swing
at the cop. They put me in jail.
922
01:00:42,197 --> 01:00:45,030
Hmm.
923
01:00:44,984 --> 01:00:47,219
Main industry down there is pulping.
924
01:00:47,131 --> 01:00:50,933
Got trucks bringing in hundreds of
tons of unwanted printed material...
925
01:00:50,780 --> 01:00:52,982
to Libertyville every day.
926
01:00:52,895 --> 01:00:54,929
- Paper pulping.
- Yeah, paper pulping.
927
01:00:54,849 --> 01:00:58,185
They got so many books down there,
they use it for toilet paper.
928
01:00:58,052 --> 01:01:00,920
I sat in jail for two days with
nothing to do but read my toilet paper.
929
01:01:00,806 --> 01:01:02,807
I still remember one of
the stories that I read.
930
01:01:02,727 --> 01:01:05,095
This story was about as crazy
as anything you ever come across.
931
01:01:05,001 --> 01:01:07,803
It was the last story I ever
read, as a matter of fact.
932
01:01:07,691 --> 01:01:11,260
It was about another planet
where some government guy...
933
01:01:11,118 --> 01:01:16,056
used a roulette wheel to decide which artwork
to put in the museums and which to keep out.
934
01:01:15,858 --> 01:01:18,326
The roulette wheel is
rigged, and then the guy-
935
01:01:18,228 --> 01:01:22,398
- This whatever you call,
uh, uh- - The Barring-gaffner.
936
01:01:22,232 --> 01:01:26,191
Yeah, the Barring
- Yeah. Yeah!
937
01:01:26,106 --> 01:01:29,837
Hey! That's right.
938
01:01:29,758 --> 01:01:32,359
The toilet paper you read in
the Libertyville jail was...
939
01:01:32,256 --> 01:01:35,225
The Barring-gaffner of Bagnialto...
940
01:01:35,105 --> 01:01:38,240
or This Year's Masterpiece
By Kilgore Trout.
941
01:01:38,116 --> 01:01:41,986
- You actually read that thing?
- Yeah, of course I read it.
942
01:01:41,832 --> 01:01:44,834
Boy, what is his name? Trout?
943
01:01:44,715 --> 01:01:46,716
He must be half
cracked, don't you think?
944
01:01:46,636 --> 01:01:50,639
well, he, uh, was self-educated,
if that's what you mean.
945
01:01:50,479 --> 01:01:54,615
He didn't finish high school,
but he could quote Shakespeare.
946
01:01:54,451 --> 01:01:57,954
"All the worid's a stage. All the
men and women are merely players. "
947
01:01:57,812 --> 01:02:01,908
Yeah. Didn't make any sense.
948
01:02:01,816 --> 01:02:05,013
It was chaos.
949
01:02:04,956 --> 01:02:07,447
You got that right.
950
01:02:11,488 --> 01:02:17,488
why would you ever read that
nutty story if you didn't have to?
951
01:02:24,139 --> 01:02:26,107
why?
952
01:02:26,093 --> 01:02:30,863
It takes all kinds of
people to make up a worid.
953
01:02:30,672 --> 01:02:34,005
Dwayne Hoover! Dwayne Hoover!
954
01:02:33,940 --> 01:02:39,285
Hey, folks, it's me. Dwayne
Hoover! Dwayne Hoover!
955
01:03:00,713 --> 01:03:03,773
Ooh!
956
01:03:03,724 --> 01:03:09,219
Good morning, Mr. Hoover!
957
01:03:09,073 --> 01:03:12,804
Good morning, Mr. Hoover.
958
01:03:16,118 --> 01:03:18,119
- Dwayne Hoover!
- Dwayne Hoover!
959
01:03:18,040 --> 01:03:20,709
Mr. Hoover, we are interested in
something that hauls like a truck,
960
01:03:20,602 --> 01:03:22,903
but drives like a luxury sedan.
961
01:03:22,812 --> 01:03:25,514
Yeah, yeah, and with
convenience at our fingertips.
962
01:03:25,406 --> 01:03:28,408
Gonna get a TV set today. I swear,
maybe you might come over for dinner.
963
01:03:28,289 --> 01:03:31,486
Dinner, dinner, dinner.
964
01:03:33,349 --> 01:03:35,450
- Tell me something.
- Yeah?
965
01:03:35,367 --> 01:03:38,369
Take a look over
- over there.
966
01:03:38,249 --> 01:03:40,450
- You see the young man...
- Yeah.
967
01:03:40,362 --> 01:03:42,697
wearing a suit, five, ten and a half?
968
01:03:42,604 --> 01:03:44,872
- Yeah. -
Yes. - Good.
969
01:03:44,782 --> 01:03:48,184
Go talk to him. He'll
take good care of ya.
970
01:03:48,048 --> 01:03:50,683
But, Mr. Hoover, we want
to buy a car from you!
971
01:03:50,578 --> 01:03:52,739
You! You! You!
972
01:03:52,725 --> 01:03:56,354
Oh.
973
01:03:58,809 --> 01:04:01,573
Oh. Ah.
974
01:04:01,531 --> 01:04:05,297
Oh!
975
01:04:05,215 --> 01:04:07,274
Okay!
976
01:04:10,787 --> 01:04:14,120
Oh.
977
01:04:16,649 --> 01:04:18,583
Oh, God.
978
01:04:29,524 --> 01:04:34,393
Dwayne! Buddies.
979
01:04:39,260 --> 01:04:42,963
Princes, pa-poo-la
Have plenty papaya
980
01:04:42,815 --> 01:04:44,783
Oh, me, oh, my-a
981
01:04:44,768 --> 01:04:48,605
You ought to really try a
piece of Pa-Poo-La's papaya
982
01:04:48,452 --> 01:04:52,684
Hawaii! Aloha!
983
01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:56,048
Oh, buddies?
984
01:04:56,041 --> 01:04:59,611
Oh, Dwayne. Look. You
know, I got colors.
985
01:04:59,469 --> 01:05:02,904
I got pink, and the leotards are green.
986
01:05:02,766 --> 01:05:07,135
You said to-
987
01:05:07,026 --> 01:05:10,462
Oh. Ah. Um-
988
01:05:10,389 --> 01:05:13,517
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
989
01:05:13,464 --> 01:05:16,126
Ow!
990
01:05:16,090 --> 01:05:18,217
Oh, God. Oh.
991
01:05:32,168 --> 01:05:34,329
Ooh.
992
01:05:40,878 --> 01:05:43,005
Francine.
993
01:05:42,992 --> 01:05:45,560
I may ask you to slip
away with me again today.
994
01:05:45,458 --> 01:05:47,793
Oh, you may ask. You may ask,
995
01:05:47,701 --> 01:05:51,967
but I wouldn't go in a million years.
996
01:05:54,297 --> 01:05:58,033
Dwayne Hoover's Exit 11 Motor
Village. May I help you, please?
997
01:05:57,884 --> 01:06:00,353
Just one moment, please.
998
01:06:00,255 --> 01:06:04,458
It's for you, Mr. Hoover. Oh, I guess
you're not accepting calls today.
999
01:06:04,290 --> 01:06:08,860
Unless I take a g. d. memo,
I forget every little thing-
1000
01:06:08,678 --> 01:06:13,513
what are you doing?
1001
01:06:13,385 --> 01:06:16,946
Hello?
1002
01:06:16,877 --> 01:06:19,979
My name is Horace Durenwurst.
I am with the E.P.A.
1003
01:06:19,856 --> 01:06:25,856
I'd like to ask you some questions regarding
the soil toxicity at Sugar Creek Estates.
1004
01:06:29,656 --> 01:06:33,225
If that man calls back, you
tell him I've moved away.
1005
01:06:33,083 --> 01:06:38,338
Tell him I've moved to
Manitoba. It's in Canada.
1006
01:06:38,815 --> 01:06:41,875
Oh. Oh.
1007
01:06:47,846 --> 01:06:51,616
- Hello?
- Grace, he didn't say anything. He didn't do anything.
1008
01:06:51,466 --> 01:06:53,567
- He just stood there.
- Fuck him, Harry.
1009
01:06:53,484 --> 01:06:55,852
The grass skirt fell off and, uh-
1010
01:06:55,758 --> 01:06:58,660
To him obviously I'm revolting.
1011
01:06:58,543 --> 01:07:02,513
Harry, how many times do I have to tell
you not to be ashamed of what's underneath?
1012
01:07:02,356 --> 01:07:04,991
Oh, God, let's just get to
Hawaii as soon as we can.
1013
01:07:04,886 --> 01:07:09,256
- Yes. Yes, you know,
Grace, I think you're right.
1014
01:07:09,081 --> 01:07:14,212
- I know I'm right.
- You're so wise, Grace.
1015
01:07:14,077 --> 01:07:19,606
You know, I'll get us
two tickets to Hawaii.
1016
01:07:19,457 --> 01:07:23,127
I'll fix the drawing. I'll
get us two tickets to Hawaii.
1017
01:07:22,980 --> 01:07:26,849
Oh, that's the best idea you've
had since you quit therapy.
1018
01:07:26,695 --> 01:07:28,730
Oh, boy, oh, boy! Look at that!
1019
01:07:28,650 --> 01:07:31,551
What's that all about, those co-ed
sex orgies they have in college?
1020
01:07:31,434 --> 01:07:34,603
It's a science fiction novel
written several years ago.
1021
01:07:34,477 --> 01:07:38,747
The premise is that life's an experiment
by the creator of the universe.
1022
01:07:38,577 --> 01:07:42,914
He wants to test a new creature he's thinking
of introducing into the scheme of things.
1023
01:07:42,740 --> 01:07:45,775
The creature has the ability
to make up his own mind.
1024
01:07:45,655 --> 01:07:48,557
All the other creatures
are fully automated robots.
1025
01:07:48,441 --> 01:07:51,877
Robots! That does not describe
me, Andy wojeckowzski, no, sir!
1026
01:07:51,740 --> 01:07:55,376
I'm my own boss! Right down
the highway, baby! Come on.
1027
01:07:55,230 --> 01:07:57,331
The book takes the
form of a long letter...
1028
01:07:57,248 --> 01:08:00,283
from the creator of the universe
to the experimental creature.
1029
01:08:00,163 --> 01:08:03,099
That sounds nice. So where do
the naked sorority giris come in?
1030
01:08:02,982 --> 01:08:04,983
- They don't.
- They don't?
1031
01:08:04,903 --> 01:08:08,472
That's just... stupid.
I mean, that's dumb.
1032
01:08:08,330 --> 01:08:10,364
I mean, who'd want to
publish something like that?
1033
01:08:10,283 --> 01:08:13,586
Who'd want to write something
like that? That's just my opinion.
1034
01:08:13,455 --> 01:08:16,123
You know what I'm saying? Man!
1035
01:08:16,016 --> 01:08:18,280
Stupid.
1036
01:08:20,756 --> 01:08:23,458
You know those glasses
that Dwayne wears?
1037
01:08:23,350 --> 01:08:27,253
He doesn't need 'em. He just wears 'em
because he thinks it makes him look smart.
1038
01:08:27,098 --> 01:08:30,124
He's bald too.
1039
01:08:30,076 --> 01:08:34,212
That's why he combs his hair over to the
side like that to cover up the bald spot.
1040
01:08:34,047 --> 01:08:36,916
When the wind blows,
it stands straight up.
1041
01:08:36,801 --> 01:08:39,668
He looks like Baby Huey.
1042
01:08:39,620 --> 01:08:42,817
He's got a small penis too.
1043
01:08:42,759 --> 01:08:46,929
I suppose we all want to have
large penises though, don't we?
1044
01:08:46,762 --> 01:08:50,798
Anyway, here, fill out this entry form,
and I'll take care of everything else.
1045
01:08:50,637 --> 01:08:52,638
I'm not goin' anywhere, man!
1046
01:08:52,558 --> 01:08:55,694
well, that's the point. You don't
have to. Just fill this out for me.
1047
01:08:55,570 --> 01:08:58,739
I'll take care of the rest.
Drawing's this afternoon.
1048
01:08:58,612 --> 01:09:01,780
- Hey, Mr. Hoover!
- Oh,Jesus Christ!
1049
01:09:01,653 --> 01:09:06,238
Tell him you saw me.
I changed my clothes.
1050
01:09:07,708 --> 01:09:11,053
Forget it! You haven't seen me!
1051
01:10:19,222 --> 01:10:22,589
Ohh. And the winner is...
1052
01:10:22,521 --> 01:10:25,820
wayne Hoobler of Midland City.
1053
01:10:27,677 --> 01:10:30,379
well, Mr. Hoobler, if you're watching,
1054
01:10:30,272 --> 01:10:32,640
you have just won first prize...
1055
01:10:32,546 --> 01:10:38,546
which is a round-trip ticket
for two to beautiful Hawaii!
1056
01:10:38,790 --> 01:10:42,193
And I am sure
- I am sure that Dwayne Hoover,
1057
01:10:42,057 --> 01:10:44,759
- the generous and benevolent
owner- - Benevolent?
1058
01:10:44,653 --> 01:10:47,321
Christ, Harry, haven't
I taught you anything?
1059
01:10:47,214 --> 01:10:49,415
...will give you a choice of islands,
1060
01:10:49,328 --> 01:10:52,297
including Maui!
1061
01:10:52,241 --> 01:10:55,177
- How about that wayne
Hoobler, Midland City!
1062
01:10:55,061 --> 01:10:56,790
Yes!
1063
01:10:58,360 --> 01:11:01,061
And now, this, this voyage-
1064
01:11:00,953 --> 01:11:03,788
this, this wonderful voyage-
1065
01:11:03,676 --> 01:11:06,445
this, this exploration into-
1066
01:11:06,334 --> 01:11:08,598
into, uh-
into what-
1067
01:11:08,576 --> 01:11:11,916
into the secret hiding places...
1068
01:11:11,843 --> 01:11:14,111
where what is the, uh-
1069
01:11:14,021 --> 01:11:16,689
Oh, my God, Harry. Shut your mouth.
1070
01:11:16,582 --> 01:11:18,583
wonderful, beautiful
sanctuaries of peace.
1071
01:11:18,504 --> 01:11:21,239
The peace of it all and...
1072
01:11:21,130 --> 01:11:24,733
the terrible, horrible,
horrible war years where-
1073
01:11:24,589 --> 01:11:26,923
- where all the private clubs...
- He was never in the army.
1074
01:11:26,830 --> 01:11:29,666
- and down and down into the sordid underbelly!
- what's gotten into Harry?
1075
01:11:29,553 --> 01:11:32,721
Down into the bottom
where it's members only!
1076
01:11:32,596 --> 01:11:34,864
- Geez, this is live. -
And the cruel name-calling.
1077
01:11:34,773 --> 01:11:38,243
The naming, naming! The terrible hurt!
1078
01:11:38,105 --> 01:11:40,873
But the hunger, the wonderful hunger...
1079
01:11:40,762 --> 01:11:43,597
for some sort of full play,
1080
01:11:43,485 --> 01:11:47,255
full swing, plenty of
rope, a little elbow room.
1081
01:11:47,104 --> 01:11:50,969
No more mountains! No more mountains!
1082
01:11:52,357 --> 01:11:55,690
Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
1083
01:11:55,624 --> 01:11:59,560
I've got the tickets right
here. No, the tickets are-
1084
01:11:59,402 --> 01:12:03,339
well, I had the tickets. I have
tickets. They're right here.
1085
01:12:03,182 --> 01:12:05,946
Oh! Oh!
1086
01:12:05,904 --> 01:12:09,704
Oh! Oh, my! Oh, my goodness.
1087
01:12:09,618 --> 01:12:13,577
- Huh?
- Oh, my.
1088
01:12:13,494 --> 01:12:16,763
- Oh, my.
- Go for it, big boy.
1089
01:12:16,633 --> 01:12:18,567
Just go for it!
1090
01:12:18,554 --> 01:12:21,489
Um-
1091
01:12:21,436 --> 01:12:27,311
Pan to Mr. Hoover. Mr.
Hoover, you're on. You're live.
1092
01:12:28,162 --> 01:12:31,364
I love you like a brother,
Dwayne Hoover. Like a brother.
1093
01:12:31,236 --> 01:12:34,101
We better get an ambulance.
1094
01:12:53,303 --> 01:12:55,304
Having a good day, old man?
1095
01:12:55,224 --> 01:12:58,709
I already know I look ridiculous!
1096
01:13:00,253 --> 01:13:04,990
I've made this long pilgrimage
for an orgy of masochism.
1097
01:13:04,800 --> 01:13:07,855
Midland City, I have arrived.
1098
01:13:36,091 --> 01:13:38,992
- Yoo-hoo,
mister. - Huh?
1099
01:13:38,941 --> 01:13:42,069
Are you going in there?
1100
01:13:42,016 --> 01:13:46,221
why, it's the only way to Midland City.
1101
01:13:46,948 --> 01:13:50,145
well, then, these will help.
1102
01:13:50,086 --> 01:13:52,766
I don't, don't need 'em.
1103
01:13:55,723 --> 01:13:58,283
Oh.
1104
01:14:04,531 --> 01:14:07,864
The arts festival awaits me.
1105
01:14:26,468 --> 01:14:29,070
Treat me like a cockroach, Midland City.
1106
01:14:28,968 --> 01:14:31,402
Feast your eyes...
1107
01:14:31,369 --> 01:14:34,089
on your miserable creator.
1108
01:14:48,567 --> 01:14:52,103
You've given me a life not worth living,
1109
01:14:51,962 --> 01:14:54,863
but an iron will to live!
1110
01:15:34,654 --> 01:15:37,714
Maui! Maui!
1111
01:15:37,664 --> 01:15:39,598
Maui!
1112
01:15:41,923 --> 01:15:45,086
Maui!
1113
01:15:47,112 --> 01:15:49,046
She's goin'.
1114
01:15:51,788 --> 01:15:55,524
I just have too many cars. That's all!
- Just forget it, sir.
1115
01:15:55,375 --> 01:15:59,144
I can't forget it because I should
know my driver's license number.
1116
01:15:58,993 --> 01:16:02,096
Maria, she said if she was gonna
- She came that way...
1117
01:16:01,972 --> 01:16:05,007
and then she said she
would come this way-
1118
01:16:04,887 --> 01:16:07,355
who am I?
1119
01:16:07,321 --> 01:16:10,051
Mr. Hoover, sir.
1120
01:16:10,012 --> 01:16:12,747
How are you this
evening? what a pleasure.
1121
01:16:12,637 --> 01:16:14,730
Is there anything-
1122
01:16:14,718 --> 01:16:17,084
who am I?
1123
01:16:17,056 --> 01:16:19,224
Please, someone just tell me who I am.
1124
01:16:19,138 --> 01:16:22,574
Sorry, Mr. Hoover. I did not
realize that you were the owner.
1125
01:16:22,438 --> 01:16:26,908
I knew that you were the owner, but I didn't
realize you were the owner of this AmeriTel Inn.
1126
01:16:26,729 --> 01:16:29,164
I should have recognized.
1127
01:16:29,067 --> 01:16:33,792
- Well, enjoy your stay
at the AmeriTel Inn.
1128
01:16:46,777 --> 01:16:49,439
Mr. Trout.
1129
01:16:49,404 --> 01:16:52,406
Welcome to Midland City Arts Festival.
1130
01:16:52,287 --> 01:16:57,024
The AmeriTel Inn invites you to join us
tonight in our cocktail lounge at 6.00 p. m...
1131
01:16:56,834 --> 01:16:59,769
to celebrate the first annual
Midland City Arts Festival.
1132
01:16:59,652 --> 01:17:02,852
I look perfect for my missi๏ฟฝn.
1133
01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:16,525
Not now. Not now.
1134
01:17:22,712 --> 01:17:26,314
The Abominable Snowman has arrived.
1135
01:17:26,170 --> 01:17:28,372
Kidnapped from the
slopes of Mount Everest.
1136
01:17:28,285 --> 01:17:31,520
Taken as slave to a
bordello in Rio deJaneiro.
1137
01:17:31,390 --> 01:17:33,792
I've come to the arts
festival in Midland City...
1138
01:17:33,697 --> 01:17:35,831
to have myself
acknowledged before I die...
1139
01:17:35,746 --> 01:17:38,148
as a great artist I
believe myself to be.
1140
01:17:38,053 --> 01:17:40,621
Mr. Trout, I would know you anywhere.
1141
01:17:40,519 --> 01:17:42,720
Marlo, his bags, please.
1142
01:17:42,632 --> 01:17:45,634
- Yes, ma'am.
- Take these to his suite.
1143
01:17:45,515 --> 01:17:49,518
- Can I take your hat?
- How do you know who I am?
1144
01:17:49,358 --> 01:17:52,860
- It had to be you.
- Nobody's ever known who I was before.
1145
01:17:52,720 --> 01:17:55,154
Kilgore Trout!
1146
01:17:55,122 --> 01:17:59,797
I am Eliot Rosewater,
your greatest admirer.
1147
01:18:00,856 --> 01:18:03,586
You're Rosewater?
1148
01:18:03,545 --> 01:18:06,214
You don't look like a person
who reads those magazines.
1149
01:18:06,108 --> 01:18:09,277
I have gathered to this date
only 41 of your novels...
1150
01:18:09,151 --> 01:18:12,119
and 63 of your short stories.
1151
01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:14,402
And, of course, I've read them all.
1152
01:18:14,306 --> 01:18:17,174
- You've read that much of my stuff?
- Of course.
1153
01:18:17,061 --> 01:18:19,211
Please, have a seat.
1154
01:18:24,172 --> 01:18:26,436
we are proud...
1155
01:18:26,412 --> 01:18:29,614
to be the first community
to acknowledge...
1156
01:18:29,487 --> 01:18:33,116
the greatness of Kilgore Trout.
1157
01:18:33,042 --> 01:18:36,578
Midland City is ready for a renaissance.
1158
01:18:36,437 --> 01:18:40,257
And you, sir, shall be our Leonardo.
1159
01:18:42,747 --> 01:18:48,485
I regret that I must leave immediately
on Rosewater Foundation business.
1160
01:18:48,254 --> 01:18:51,189
But the honor, sir,
1161
01:18:51,137 --> 01:18:53,572
has been entirely mine.
1162
01:18:54,564 --> 01:18:57,339
Let's go. I need my shot.
1163
01:18:59,399 --> 01:19:01,767
That kid has books of mine?
1164
01:19:01,674 --> 01:19:05,667
Yes, and he let me read them all.
1165
01:19:05,582 --> 01:19:07,982
I loved them.
1166
01:19:09,873 --> 01:19:12,574
More flowers than at
a gangster's funeral.
1167
01:19:12,466 --> 01:19:17,370
Midland City seems to be gettin'
behind the arts in a great big way.
1168
01:19:17,175 --> 01:19:20,044
well, like Mr. Rosewater said-
1169
01:19:19,930 --> 01:19:22,265
teach us to dance and sing...
1170
01:19:22,172 --> 01:19:24,732
and laugh and cry.
1171
01:19:24,702 --> 01:19:28,771
Do I look like a dancer or,
or a singer or a man of joy?
1172
01:19:28,608 --> 01:19:31,410
would a man nourished by beauty
look like this? Open your eyes.
1173
01:19:31,299 --> 01:19:33,426
My eyes are opened.
1174
01:19:33,411 --> 01:19:36,080
And I see someone who
has dared to walk...
1175
01:19:35,975 --> 01:19:40,578
through the fires of
truth to the other side...
1176
01:19:40,395 --> 01:19:44,075
and come back to tell us about it.
1177
01:19:48,305 --> 01:19:52,842
If there is anything you
need- I mean, anything-
1178
01:19:52,662 --> 01:19:55,627
don't be afraid to call me.
1179
01:19:56,248 --> 01:19:58,409
Ting-a-ling.
1180
01:20:01,500 --> 01:20:03,593
Hmm.
1181
01:20:09,923 --> 01:20:12,187
Dwayne.
1182
01:20:17,546 --> 01:20:19,480
Dwayne.
1183
01:20:24,015 --> 01:20:26,984
My feet are so hot.
1184
01:20:26,930 --> 01:20:30,275
I may never get this stuff off.
1185
01:20:47,810 --> 01:20:51,211
Kilgore Trout!
1186
01:20:51,140 --> 01:20:55,443
Kilgore Trout, Trout, Trout, Trout-
1187
01:20:55,272 --> 01:20:57,907
All your questions will
be answered tonight.
1188
01:20:57,802 --> 01:21:02,717
Look for me downstairs
in the cocktail lounge!
1189
01:21:05,617 --> 01:21:07,551
Kilgore Trout.
1190
01:21:10,357 --> 01:21:12,291
Kilgore Trout.
1191
01:21:14,552 --> 01:21:19,256
And just flap it right up
to a blank white canvas.
1192
01:21:19,069 --> 01:21:24,006
Then I would put Day-Glo bars
around it, and call it caged shit.
1193
01:21:23,807 --> 01:21:27,297
That's what I would do. Oh, man.
1194
01:21:39,053 --> 01:21:41,851
Breakfast of champions.
1195
01:21:43,057 --> 01:21:45,958
You said that the last time
you brought me my martini.
1196
01:21:45,842 --> 01:21:48,444
I say it every time I
serve a martini, Mr. Hoover.
1197
01:21:48,341 --> 01:21:51,810
That's probably why God invented
these little small towns,
1198
01:21:51,671 --> 01:21:57,671
so people could keep saying the same
stupid jokes over and over again.
1199
01:21:57,885 --> 01:22:00,420
I just like to cheer people up.
1200
01:22:00,319 --> 01:22:03,117
That's all.
1201
01:22:03,073 --> 01:22:05,007
Okay.
1202
01:22:05,956 --> 01:22:07,890
No.
1203
01:22:07,877 --> 01:22:11,880
Mr. Hoover, would you
just do me a favor, please?
1204
01:22:11,721 --> 01:22:15,290
I just- I just would-
I would love the honor...
1205
01:22:15,148 --> 01:22:18,117
of you signing my wrist.
1206
01:22:18,061 --> 01:22:20,062
I want to show it to my father.
1207
01:22:19,982 --> 01:22:23,051
He's sick in the hospital, and
the bills are just pilin' up.
1208
01:22:22,930 --> 01:22:25,298
It would really impress him. It would.
1209
01:22:25,204 --> 01:22:27,672
Thanks a lot. Nothin' special.
1210
01:22:27,574 --> 01:22:31,249
Just your autograph would be great.
1211
01:22:31,897 --> 01:22:35,499
Yeah, they opened him up and
it just keeps gettin' worse.
1212
01:22:35,356 --> 01:22:38,659
Don't know what we're gonna do.
1213
01:22:38,528 --> 01:22:41,763
There it is. There's that smile.
1214
01:22:41,632 --> 01:22:45,335
Just love it. we just
- we just love you. we do.
1215
01:22:45,189 --> 01:22:48,658
And when you said "bird
ca-ca" on TV the other day-
1216
01:22:48,519 --> 01:22:50,520
- Ca-ca. -
"ca-ca-"
1217
01:22:50,441 --> 01:22:53,710
my dad laughed for the
first time in two years.
1218
01:22:53,579 --> 01:22:58,049
Thanks. we just
- we just trust you so much. we do. Thanks.
1219
01:22:57,871 --> 01:22:59,805
Oh, God.
1220
01:23:02,196 --> 01:23:04,130
Thank you.
1221
01:23:06,839 --> 01:23:08,773
Ca-ca.
1222
01:23:09,848 --> 01:23:12,248
Dwayne, Dwayne,
1223
01:23:12,219 --> 01:23:15,245
Dwayne, Dwayne, Dwayne-
1224
01:23:17,215 --> 01:23:19,911
- Celia?
- Talk to me.
1225
01:23:19,873 --> 01:23:21,928
Talk to me, please.
1226
01:23:21,891 --> 01:23:26,261
we're not happy, Dwayne. Share
something with me, Dwayne.
1227
01:23:26,086 --> 01:23:28,179
Bye, Blue Monday.
1228
01:23:28,168 --> 01:23:32,332
I trust you, Dwayne.
1229
01:23:32,235 --> 01:23:34,570
Are you sorry, Dwayne?
1230
01:23:34,477 --> 01:23:37,378
Perhaps before-
1231
01:23:44,566 --> 01:23:47,835
They were taking Mr. Le Sabre to the
Midland General Hospital, north wing.
1232
01:23:47,704 --> 01:23:50,072
The
- The psychiatric ward.
1233
01:23:49,978 --> 01:23:51,912
Hold on, please.
1234
01:23:51,900 --> 01:23:56,303
Dwayne Hoover, Exit 11- I- I
don't know where Mr. Hoover is.
1235
01:23:56,127 --> 01:23:58,186
I got dollar36.
1236
01:24:00,130 --> 01:24:02,064
Sold.
1237
01:24:02,053 --> 01:24:06,538
And remember, you can
trust wayne Hoobler.
1238
01:24:11,948 --> 01:24:14,212
Get out of that car!
1239
01:24:15,343 --> 01:24:18,688
Oh, it's a tilt steering wheel.
1240
01:24:37,602 --> 01:24:39,536
Ooh.
1241
01:24:43,911 --> 01:24:48,782
All right, Bunny, I got this place rigged
for lighting exactly like we talked about.
1242
01:24:48,587 --> 01:24:52,423
So, the table's set. All you gotta
do is go out there and eat the dinner.
1243
01:24:52,270 --> 01:24:54,338
- Can do, Bill. Can do.
- All right.
1244
01:24:54,256 --> 01:24:56,886
You wanna give me a hug?
1245
01:24:57,491 --> 01:24:59,425
You go get 'em.
1246
01:25:02,583 --> 01:25:05,451
You know, I discovered
this kid with the rabbit.
1247
01:25:05,336 --> 01:25:07,304
Good evening.
1248
01:25:10,173 --> 01:25:12,507
Hey, great to see you here
1249
01:25:12,415 --> 01:25:14,416
Have a scotch Have a beer
1250
01:25:14,337 --> 01:25:19,809
- It's Kilgore Trout!
- There he is! It's Kilgore Trout!
1251
01:25:19,589 --> 01:25:21,523
Hey!
1252
01:25:21,511 --> 01:25:24,846
- Mr. Kilgore Trout. I'm Fay.
- I'm Kay.
1253
01:25:24,713 --> 01:25:26,714
This is indeed a rare pleasure.
1254
01:25:26,635 --> 01:25:29,971
- Oh, my goodness, I just love artists.
- They're so artistic.
1255
01:25:29,838 --> 01:25:32,506
Hey, feel the jive Join in the fun
1256
01:25:32,399 --> 01:25:35,884
Midland City America's number one
1257
01:25:35,795 --> 01:25:37,729
Yeah
1258
01:25:37,717 --> 01:25:42,187
That's Kilgore Trout. Play that intro
you got worked out. I'll get the lights.
1259
01:25:42,007 --> 01:25:44,809
Now, you're not from
around here, are ya?
1260
01:25:44,698 --> 01:25:48,663
Yeah. I'm from Exit 11 Motor Village.
1261
01:25:49,150 --> 01:25:51,983
I'm wayne Hoobler.
1262
01:25:51,935 --> 01:25:55,166
wake up Get out of bed
1263
01:25:55,106 --> 01:25:57,741
There's plenty of good art just ahead
1264
01:25:57,636 --> 01:25:59,797
Be right back.
1265
01:25:59,783 --> 01:26:02,885
Now salute the man we can't do without
1266
01:26:02,761 --> 01:26:07,596
The wonderful, lovable
beautiful Kilgore Trout
1267
01:26:07,469 --> 01:26:09,403
Yeah
1268
01:26:19,030 --> 01:26:22,124
Finally, Kilgore Trout?
1269
01:26:22,074 --> 01:26:24,442
- Kilgore Trout?
- Yes.
1270
01:26:24,347 --> 01:26:26,682
- The message, please.
- what?
1271
01:26:26,589 --> 01:26:31,926
My message! You know what message I'm
talking about! Is this it? Is this for me?
1272
01:26:31,713 --> 01:26:34,448
It's mine. What are you
doing with it? It's mine.
1273
01:26:34,339 --> 01:26:36,340
- what are you doing?
- "Dear, sir.
1274
01:26:36,260 --> 01:26:38,128
Poor sir, brave sir.
1275
01:26:38,054 --> 01:26:41,990
You are an experiment of
the Creator of the Universe.
1276
01:26:41,833 --> 01:26:45,336
You are the only creature in the
entire universe who has free will. "
1277
01:26:45,196 --> 01:26:48,921
That's godlike with a little "g".
1278
01:26:51,154 --> 01:26:53,213
Take my hand
1279
01:26:53,202 --> 01:26:58,139
I'm a stranger in paradise
1280
01:26:58,006 --> 01:27:02,143
"You are the only one who has
to figure out what to do next.
1281
01:27:01,978 --> 01:27:04,811
And why. "
1282
01:27:04,765 --> 01:27:07,566
That's exactly right. How did you know
- How did you know this?
1283
01:27:07,454 --> 01:27:11,057
" Everybody else is a robot, a machine.
1284
01:27:10,913 --> 01:27:14,749
Some persons like you, while
others seem to hate you.
1285
01:27:14,596 --> 01:27:16,964
And you must wonder why.
1286
01:27:16,870 --> 01:27:20,373
They are simply liking
and hating machines.
1287
01:27:20,233 --> 01:27:22,668
All of this has made you
pooped and demoralized. "
1288
01:27:22,572 --> 01:27:27,872
You see, this is me. I
am pooped and demoralized.
1289
01:27:27,728 --> 01:27:30,959
If this isn't nice, what is?
1290
01:27:30,898 --> 01:27:32,899
Out of the common place
1291
01:27:32,820 --> 01:27:36,517
Into the rare
1292
01:27:36,439 --> 01:27:38,373
Somewhere in space
1293
01:27:38,361 --> 01:27:43,632
"You are surrounded by machines
whose only purpose is to stir you up...
1294
01:27:43,420 --> 01:27:46,412
in every conceivable way...
1295
01:27:46,368 --> 01:27:50,171
so that the Creator of the
Universe can watch your reactions. "
1296
01:27:50,019 --> 01:27:52,487
- wait, there's more. There's more.
- This is it.
1297
01:27:52,388 --> 01:27:55,357
"The Creator of the Universe
would now like to apologize,
1298
01:27:55,238 --> 01:27:59,741
not only for the capricious jostling
companionship he provided during the test,
1299
01:27:59,562 --> 01:28:02,831
but also for the trashy stinking
condition of the place itself. "
1300
01:28:02,700 --> 01:28:05,569
The robots have been programmed
for millions of years to abuse it...
1301
01:28:05,456 --> 01:28:09,125
so it would be a poisonous, festering
cheese by the time you got here.
1302
01:28:08,978 --> 01:28:13,348
He also programmed the robots to crave
sexual intercourse more than anything else...
1303
01:28:13,174 --> 01:28:15,842
- so it would be crowded when you got here.
- You bet you.
1304
01:28:15,735 --> 01:28:19,271
He had the robots kill each other by the
millions for this purpose only that you be amazed.
1305
01:28:19,131 --> 01:28:22,433
They have committed every possible
atrocity and every possible kindness...
1306
01:28:22,301 --> 01:28:25,741
just to get a reaction from you.
1307
01:28:27,841 --> 01:28:30,756
That's right. That's right.
1308
01:28:34,952 --> 01:28:37,420
It's workin', kid.
1309
01:28:37,385 --> 01:28:39,620
- Thank you.
- No, thank you.
1310
01:28:39,532 --> 01:28:43,435
- Thank you so much, my friend. You helped me so much.
- You're entirely welcome.
1311
01:28:43,279 --> 01:28:45,513
- Thank you.
- Good, good.
1312
01:28:45,425 --> 01:28:47,620
Ah, ha-ha!
1313
01:28:47,602 --> 01:28:49,866
Nice guy.
1314
01:28:51,734 --> 01:28:53,668
Won't you answer-
1315
01:28:53,655 --> 01:28:57,955
Out of my way, dancing machines!
1316
01:29:01,983 --> 01:29:05,578
Just what I'm looking for.
1317
01:29:05,505 --> 01:29:08,133
Oh, so good to see you!
1318
01:29:09,892 --> 01:29:13,137
Where are the bravery machines?
1319
01:29:13,160 --> 01:29:16,395
Got you. when you were
a little boy machine,
1320
01:29:16,266 --> 01:29:18,801
I loved the way your head
was shaped like a cantaloupe.
1321
01:29:18,700 --> 01:29:22,261
Now look at you.
1322
01:29:22,191 --> 01:29:26,771
- Daddy, why are you doing this?
- Because!
1323
01:29:27,572 --> 01:29:33,572
You see? They don't feel a
thing. They're unfeeling machines!
1324
01:29:35,098 --> 01:29:40,002
Is this because of my creation? Is
this the sum total of what I stand for?
1325
01:29:39,806 --> 01:29:43,508
Will you explain exactly
what it is about my writing...
1326
01:29:43,359 --> 01:29:47,196
that made you want to,
to hurt these people?
1327
01:29:47,044 --> 01:29:51,280
You said it yourself
- "I'm the only creature in the universe that has free will. "
1328
01:29:51,111 --> 01:29:55,014
- Don't you remember?
- My God, that's not the answer.
1329
01:29:54,858 --> 01:29:57,088
Listen you!
1330
01:29:58,893 --> 01:30:01,562
Dwayne Hoover's gone berserk!
1331
01:30:01,456 --> 01:30:04,558
- I don't like you anymore!
- I feel the same way myself.
1332
01:30:04,435 --> 01:30:07,495
The New York machine!
1333
01:30:07,445 --> 01:30:10,220
Get out of my way! Ha-ha!
1334
01:30:11,608 --> 01:30:13,776
They don't feel anything anyway.
1335
01:30:13,690 --> 01:30:17,750
who wants some of the car dealer, huh?
1336
01:30:18,365 --> 01:30:24,365
You're not supposed to know
the answer, for cryin' out loud.
1337
01:30:25,604 --> 01:30:27,538
why not?
1338
01:30:27,525 --> 01:30:33,196
If you knew the answer,
there'd be no more questions.
1339
01:30:32,969 --> 01:30:35,437
Dwayne? Dwayne.
1340
01:30:36,909 --> 01:30:38,843
Come on.
1341
01:30:38,830 --> 01:30:42,095
Escape. Come follow me.
1342
01:30:50,264 --> 01:30:52,232
Young man!
1343
01:30:53,819 --> 01:30:55,912
Come on out!
1344
01:30:55,902 --> 01:30:57,836
Young man!
1345
01:30:57,823 --> 01:31:01,459
Olly, olly, oxen free.
Ha-ha! You are there.
1346
01:31:01,313 --> 01:31:03,514
- Hey, Mr. Hoover.
- Good. Yes.
1347
01:31:03,427 --> 01:31:06,229
- what do you say there, pal of mine?
- You really are there.
1348
01:31:06,118 --> 01:31:08,052
Hey, hey!
1349
01:31:11,690 --> 01:31:14,591
where are ya? Ah-
1350
01:31:14,540 --> 01:31:18,125
You're
- You're too good for me.
1351
01:31:19,088 --> 01:31:21,056
Hey. what the-
1352
01:31:21,043 --> 01:31:23,511
what kind of machine are you?
1353
01:31:23,412 --> 01:31:26,040
Hey, I'm wayne Hoobler.
1354
01:31:26,006 --> 01:31:29,808
And Eli said we couldn't trust
anybody, but in God we trust!
1355
01:31:29,657 --> 01:31:32,717
I never, never trust anybody!
1356
01:31:32,668 --> 01:31:34,602
Dwayne?
1357
01:31:37,536 --> 01:31:41,021
what are you, a trusting machine?
1358
01:31:41,731 --> 01:31:43,699
Yes.
1359
01:31:43,685 --> 01:31:46,176
why, yes, I am.
1360
01:31:46,150 --> 01:31:49,847
Dwayne?
1361
01:31:52,011 --> 01:31:54,571
Yes, I am!
1362
01:31:54,542 --> 01:31:58,569
I'm wayne Hoobler, and I'm home!
1363
01:31:59,793 --> 01:32:02,489
Fairyland!
1364
01:32:04,727 --> 01:32:08,663
Ahh. Fairyland! Ha-ha!
1365
01:32:11,227 --> 01:32:13,187
where is that guy?
1366
01:32:13,149 --> 01:32:18,109
Mr. Hoover! Where have you been?
1367
01:32:17,986 --> 01:32:20,220
where are all the showroom cars?
1368
01:32:20,130 --> 01:32:24,100
Headquarters called and they're very
upset you missed that spot this afternoon.
1369
01:32:23,943 --> 01:32:27,612
- Mr. Hoov- Is everything all
right? - Browbeatin' machine!
1370
01:32:27,466 --> 01:32:30,969
Oh, here's the best fucking machine...
1371
01:32:30,828 --> 01:32:32,829
in all of Midland City.
1372
01:32:32,750 --> 01:32:35,685
Mr. Hoover, you are the most
hateful man I have ever met.
1373
01:32:35,568 --> 01:32:39,237
Sure!Just wind her up and
she'll say she loves you.
1374
01:32:39,091 --> 01:32:42,927
And she'll keep goin' until she
gets her own fried chicken franchise.
1375
01:32:42,773 --> 01:32:46,076
Yes, I said I loved you, but that
was when you stood for something-
1376
01:32:45,945 --> 01:32:49,547
when you were a man of
hope, truth and success.
1377
01:32:49,403 --> 01:32:53,006
But you've become a
betrayer, Mr. Hoover. A fake.
1378
01:32:52,862 --> 01:32:56,025
Fine!
1379
01:32:55,969 --> 01:32:58,028
Get the police! Go!
1380
01:32:58,019 --> 01:33:01,021
Call the police! There's
only one thing you can do.
1381
01:33:00,901 --> 01:33:05,405
- Tell me what it is.
- The only thing you can do is continue.
1382
01:33:05,225 --> 01:33:08,360
- Continue? - Continue. That's right.
You're a continuing machine.
1383
01:33:08,235 --> 01:33:11,404
Can't quit now. Gotta keep
going. That's why you were born.
1384
01:33:11,279 --> 01:33:16,383
- Yesterday was my birthday.
- Yeah, until you're dead, it's all life!
1385
01:33:16,178 --> 01:33:19,739
That's it!
1386
01:33:19,669 --> 01:33:22,059
What did you just say?
1387
01:33:27,739 --> 01:33:29,774
what did you just say?
1388
01:33:29,693 --> 01:33:32,294
Until you're dead, it's all life.
1389
01:33:32,191 --> 01:33:34,726
So make the most of it.
1390
01:33:39,141 --> 01:33:41,803
Life?
1391
01:33:41,768 --> 01:33:43,702
You're right.
1392
01:33:44,810 --> 01:33:46,744
It's all life.
1393
01:33:46,732 --> 01:33:51,172
Oh, my goodness! Are
- Are you all right?
1394
01:33:51,824 --> 01:33:54,054
So, it's you.
1395
01:33:56,276 --> 01:33:58,711
The Creator of the Universe.
1396
01:33:58,613 --> 01:34:01,241
Well, it delights me...
1397
01:34:01,207 --> 01:34:04,576
that I no longer have to suffer
your gift of life anymore.
1398
01:34:04,442 --> 01:34:07,912
The joke's on you, isn't it, big fella?
1399
01:34:07,774 --> 01:34:11,309
Huh? what are you gonna do
when you run out of playthings?
1400
01:34:11,167 --> 01:34:14,864
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it.
1401
01:34:14,787 --> 01:34:17,355
Your kind never has to mean it.
1402
01:34:17,253 --> 01:34:21,323
Is there anything I can do for
you? Anything I can do to help?
1403
01:34:21,160 --> 01:34:25,263
Get me a Nobel prize or,
or a reputable publisher.
1404
01:34:25,099 --> 01:34:27,133
I'm sorry. I can't
really- I don't-
1405
01:34:27,053 --> 01:34:30,656
I don't think I can help
you with those things,
1406
01:34:30,512 --> 01:34:34,915
but if there's anything
else, please feel free.
1407
01:34:34,739 --> 01:34:39,843
Free? Like Tolstoy freed his
serfs, Jefferson freed his slaves?
1408
01:34:39,639 --> 01:34:42,199
Feel free? Feel free.
1409
01:34:45,500 --> 01:34:48,465
I will make the most of it.
1410
01:34:49,312 --> 01:34:51,280
Celia.
1411
01:34:51,265 --> 01:34:54,267
- Until you're dead, it's all life.
- Feel free.
1412
01:34:54,148 --> 01:34:55,945
Free?
1413
01:34:57,670 --> 01:35:01,255
Until you're dead, it's all life.
1414
01:36:03,228 --> 01:36:06,331
wait a minute, Bunny. I know
you think that was a bad show.
1415
01:36:06,208 --> 01:36:08,776
- I gotta be by myself for a little while.
- It wasn't a bad show.
1416
01:36:08,674 --> 01:36:11,476
- It was great. They loved it.
- I think my daddy loves me.
1417
01:36:11,364 --> 01:36:14,532
Of course he loves you, but he's a
nut job. wait. Let's talk about this.
1418
01:36:14,406 --> 01:36:16,986
wait, Bunny. I love you!
1419
01:37:00,428 --> 01:37:05,032
Celia?
1420
01:37:09,011 --> 01:37:11,844
- Dwayne?
- Celia?
1421
01:37:11,798 --> 01:37:14,460
- Dwayne?
- where-
1422
01:37:14,425 --> 01:37:16,526
- Dwayne?
- where are you?
1423
01:37:16,443 --> 01:37:21,218
- I'm here. Over here.
- I need help, Celia.
1424
01:37:21,759 --> 01:37:23,989
You need these.
1425
01:37:31,815 --> 01:37:33,882
Put on the boots, Dwayne.
1426
01:37:33,800 --> 01:37:36,394
Put on the boots.
1427
01:37:41,518 --> 01:37:43,383
You can do it.
1428
01:37:57,629 --> 01:37:59,790
I'm so sorry.
1429
01:38:00,960 --> 01:38:05,260
- I'm so sorry, Celia.
- You can do it.
1430
01:38:09,318 --> 01:38:13,988
- So sorry.
- Don't stop now. You can do it.
1431
01:38:13,801 --> 01:38:15,996
I understand.
1432
01:38:39,615 --> 01:38:41,549
Oh.
1433
01:38:46,054 --> 01:38:48,181
Bunny.
1434
01:38:48,166 --> 01:38:50,791
- Dad.
- Come here, son.
1435
01:38:54,924 --> 01:38:57,759
- All right, Mr. Hoover.
That's enough. - Hey, what the-
1436
01:38:57,647 --> 01:38:59,672
No! No!
1437
01:38:59,664 --> 01:39:02,066
- It's okay.
- Not unless you got a good lawyer, buddy.
1438
01:39:01,970 --> 01:39:04,029
I understand now.
1439
01:39:04,019 --> 01:39:07,388
Until you're dead, it's all life.
1440
01:39:07,254 --> 01:39:11,554
Until you're dead, it's all life, Celia.
1441
01:39:11,962 --> 01:39:13,896
That's it.
1442
01:39:14,844 --> 01:39:17,677
Good-bye, Blue Monday!
1443
01:39:17,632 --> 01:39:19,725
Bye, Blue Monday.
1444
01:39:19,713 --> 01:39:22,648
- It's okay. Everything's okay.
- Get in the car.
1445
01:39:22,531 --> 01:39:25,193
I
- I'm not mad.
1446
01:39:25,157 --> 01:39:27,284
I'm
- I'm okay.
1447
01:39:27,271 --> 01:39:29,439
All right, let's go. Let's move it!
1448
01:39:29,353 --> 01:39:31,555
- I love you.
- I love you too.
1449
01:39:31,467 --> 01:39:33,401
I love you.
1450
01:39:35,373 --> 01:39:37,307
Daddy.
1451
01:40:21,300 --> 01:40:23,666
Make me young.
1452
01:40:24,305 --> 01:41:24,615
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