Original subtitles

This sniper, drop-out

audio-visualisation is based on a surreal story.

After considering several scripts

Jesús decided to shoot:

- Pose like James Bond. - What?

Looking over there. My God!

MALAGA, JUNE 2012

I refute the testament.

- Who says? - You.

Al Pereira, after the kid cries...

- This testament? - The testament.

No, this one is for the thick cable.

For gross...

For gross perversion of justice.

Some nonsense.

Per... perveration.

Perver...

Perveration.

- And for bribery and... - And bribery.

And co-thinking.

- And compensating. - No, co-thinking!

All right.

Should I spread some on your bread, Jesús?

- Can you pass me the cheese? - Of course.

In Jess Franco's movies

the crew members also take time for a nice breakfast.

What?

Emilio is in Malaga.

Malaga? Because I no see...

- Hi, is there a socket? - Yes.

Yes, I pulled the plugs of the fridges because of them making noise.

Does this one work?

Yes, no... I have to turn on the switch.

Faster? She should stop more?

I want to see both tongues.

- All right. - I haven't seen them yet.

This is only the rehearsal. We will shoot the real scene later.

- What are you doing here? - Don't get angry.

Put on a pair of shoes

even if they don't appear in the shot.

I can't see them.

They are here, right here.

I can't see them.

- I can't see them. - This is why I'm here. We can shoot now.

What I don't like is that you are barefooted.

- Are you afraid I'm going to catch a cold? - Yes.

Wonderful.

Al Pereira, that old hippie is trapped in a suit.

I feel better barefoot. But that's my thing.

I would do whatever it takes for cinema.

Do you know how much footage we have shot?

- Yesterday and today? - Today.

Move towards me again.

Let's see... Action!

- Get out! I said get out now! - No, no, no.

You moved forward too much.

Get out! Get out of here, you sluts.

Your asses are always exposed. You are always provoking with your tits.

Get out of here. Come on, out! What a disgrace.

If my mother could see you she would die a second time.

This city is turning into a new Babel.

Get out you insolent sluts.

Pater Noster, qui Es in caelis...

Pater Noster, qui Es in caelis...

- Domine tecum! - Domine tecum!

- I don't remember the rest. - Forgive them.

Forgive them.

I don't remember the rest.

I don't remember the rest.

I don't even have time to pray.

I don't even have time to pray.

Or to be good.

Or to be good.

Or to be afraid of God.

What a disgrace.

What a disgrace.

A man like me...

- Al Pereira! - Al Pereira!

One of the most righteous men

... in this hell. - One of the most righteous men in this hell.

He can't even speak to his Lord.

He can't even speak to his Lord.

Because the ladies come and fuck him.

Because the naked ladies come and fuck him.

Out!

Listen,

Davinia, the thing you are doing now,

do it while I'm shooting.

Not now? All right.

- Let's start. - Which position are you in?

Would you mind me taking the position of the actor?

Yes, because I'll lose it but...

If there is no other solution?

- Some day... - Some day...

- this land... - this land...

will be yours.

Do you know Texas?

- Yes, but only the northern part. - And Minnesota and Ohio?

- No? - No, no.

Cut!

What a mess.

- What do you think? - What?

- Do you want to do it again? - No, I liked it.

- We will edit the different sequences. - Okay, great.

Well,

we are done for this position.

We stopped the shooting because Jesús had to attend his "Back to Berlin" tribute.

During the tribute they showed forty of his movies

from the 3rd to 15th of August at the Babylon theatre.

Yes, of course.

What a privilege.

This is a mysterious,

strange and unexpected stay.

I have been to Berlin many times but it has never been this special.

Until now I have never climbed stairs

with kind people helping me.

Unfortunately I screwed them because they had to carry me.

The way that all of this happened

is a big surprise to me.

It went from surprise to surprise.

Why did you choose to stay near Alexanderplatz?

I didn't.

It's a casualty of life that just happened.

I never liked Alexanderplatz.

- An original. - Yes, it is.

It's nice.

We met with Andreas Bethmann and Carsten Frank

to talk about a possible co-production.

Man!

- More. - Célestine.

Yes, Célestine.

He still made black and white films.

Is it long enough?

Did you read what Tim Lucas recently wrote about you?

Yes.

- It is very good, I think. - Yes.

This is not true, but it's...

- "For one of my favourite..." - Freakies.

This is really ugly!

Another tram.

See you soon Jesusito. I'll be back.

See you soon. I don't believe you but...

Shadows, nothing more,

between your life and mine.

Shadows, nothing more,

between your love

and mine.

I would like to open my veins slowly.

And shed all my blood at your feet

To show you that I can't

love you more and then die.

That's it!

No. Bullshit!

Sure. All right.

Who will play Margarita?

No, no. Which one do you mean?

The tall blond one?

All right, that could work.

We'll call you tomorrow or the day after.

I'm... I'm not sure I can.

I have a lot to do, Jesús.

I have the house in Madrid and I can't just come and go.

Come and see me as soon as possible.

Of course, I will try.

Well... okay.

Little butts in the night? I like the title.

Little butts in the night seems like...

You know what they'll say. They'll say that Little butts in the night

sounds pornographic.

Little butts in the night. How silly.

Okay, all right.

Well yes, let's see...

Fuck!

- Don't worry, we will shoot it. - Who are you talking to?

Nobody.

- It was... - I heard you.

It was a friend.

I heard you.

I can't believe you will shoot that movie.

- No, you heard I told him... - You said you're going to think about it.

- I will. - I heard you.

Jesús really wants to shoot it.

He is so old and it makes him happy.

- Not with those sluts. - I didn't want to.

You're a disgrace. Those girls are sluts.

They could be your daughters.

- I'll tell my mother. - No!

- Yes I will. - No!

Don't tell your mother!

She has the right to know who my grandfather is.

You vicious man.

She will have a stroke.

Of course she will, if you keep doing these filthy movies.

- I'll tell her now. - Please, Yolanda.

- If there were a door I'd slam it! - Yolandita.

Please, sweetie. Honey...

Fuck.

Fuck.

- Pereira, you fag! - Pereira, you fag!

That's enough!

What if...?

No, but I...

Well...

All right, I'll call him.

Jesús, I talked to both of them.

They said if I shoot the movie they will kick me out of their house.

There won't be any second chance.

They will pack my bags and kick me out.

At my age I can't live under a bridge.

I'm sorry but I have to stay here.

Listen Jesús... Jesús!

He hung up the phone.

Well.

- We are Al Pereira's... - We are Al Pereira's...

- little widows. - little widows.

- We will rip his guts out! - We will rip his guts out.

- When he's horny. - When he's horny.

Jesús called and said that the least you can do

is go to Germany and get Katja Bienert.

Her mother mustn't come. And he doesn't want to talk to you.

It was about time!

Yes, but he told me to go and get Katja Bienert.

He didn't tell me what the movie is about. I will have to say something.

She will ask me.

If you don't know what it's about and that's the title, I don't like it.

Come on, Davinia. Don't worry.

I like the title.

I could sing the movie theme.

Little butts in the night Two lonely butts...

- Butts in the night. - That's not going to be the title.

Irene, put Davinia on the phone.

We will decide on what we want to do depending on what happens.

You're evil. Very evil.

You're evil!

Fuck off. Sluts, sinners!

Yolanda, come here.

Look how nice the clerical collar looks.

Yolanda.

Yolanda?

Yolandita?

How do you like my clerical collar?

What...?

Who are you? What are you doing here?

I was just...

I was passing by and they invited me in.

What a disgrace. You're a sinner!

A winner? I'm a winner.

Victor, what are you doing here with this man?

I had high hopes for you.

Yolanda!

Don't you ever knock?

Grandpa, I told you to knock.

You don't look like a priest. You look ridiculous.

It's the only thing I can find.

What are you telling me? You're going to kill your mother.

You will upset her so much she will die from it.

What a disgrace!

I'm going to Germany.

- Bye grandpa. - I can't cope with these monstrosities.

Sinners.

Sinners!

- We're going to continue, right? - Yes!

Turn your ass towards the camera.

Move it nicely.

Exciting, pleasurable.

Exaggerate some more.

Separate the cheeks.

With the other hand. With both hands.

Separate them well.

And now turn towards the camera very slowly.

Really slowly.

Do it again, really slowly.

Good.

Stay there, perfect. Perfect!

Show us your ass.

Cut!

Open.

Come in. I'm upstairs on the terrace.

All right, I'm waiting.

- Here I am. - Come.

I composed a song for you. I can't play the piano, so I asked him to do it.

He's fucking my granddaughter.

- I know. I know him. - He will play for us.

Start playing.

Do you like the sunset?

A sunset is one of nature's most beautiful things.

Do you want to have a family?

I thought about it but I haven't found the right person yet.

Do you like the music I composed?

I'd say I heard it before.

That's weird because I composed it this morning.

- Don't you like it? - I love it!

Play less loudly. We have important things to discuss.

- What do you want from me? - Don't you understand my music?

If the song had words, I would understand.

I was unable to express in words what I have suffered lately.

The Alligator Ladies have mocked and insulted me.

They called me a fag.

Fag Al Pereira, a sex symbol

of all international detectivism.

Many women have laid in my arms

and now they all bore me.

You have made me doubt.

Do you understand?

Of course I understand, but...

When you're back we'll talk, dear.

All right, we'll talk. See you soon.

Goodbye, Victor.

Bye, Al.

I headed back to Germany to get my beloved Katja Bienert.

BOOKBINDERY

I can see them, Jesús.

They are right behind me.

I've turned around so they won't see me. I was downstairs.

If you want, I can go down now

so they can film me and you can have evidence.

I recognized some faces.

I saw a brunette.

I think it's Agripina.

Sorry, I meant Davinia.

She is in disguise.

I can't hear you. They're getting angry.

They're getting angry, Jesús. I'm leaving.

MUNICH, LATER

Jesús, I'm here, where the Llobregaten

meets the Turien. Yes.

They're huge.

I saw a woman's body.

There are some strong currents.

I will try and show you with my phone.

Can you see back there? Something is moving.

I think the Turks didn't kill her. They left her there to die.

Maybe that poor...

poor Linda is still dying.

I'll see if I can save her. Bye.

Pereira, don't you want to be licked?

Come, come you fool.

You are missing out on some good asses

and some great licking.

Pereira, don't you want a little ass?

Look!

Where are you going?

Don't be afraid.

- Open it! - Okay, okay.

- Open it. - I'm coming.

What's wrong?

- Come in. - Lock the door.

Do you want a rum and Coke?

No rum. You know...

- Only Coke? - Yes, only Coke.

- They are following me. - Who?

A Turk with a beard.

And other Turks. One is the boss of six other Turks who were there.

They were disguised as old ladies.

I noticed because I saw they were men.

- What are you saying? Here. - Sons of bitches!

They want to kill me.

Show me that.

- Are these the Turks? - Yes.

We will have to eliminate that part.

- This part? - Yes, yes.

- And this shot, too. - Really?

- Eliminate all of this. - It's great. Why?

That's why they are following me.

They are angry because we filmed them

and put them in a movie without asking them.

- Let's look at the river footage. - Okay.

This too! See?

What?

- Zoom in! - Where to? Here?

- Yes. - What do you want?

There was a dead woman there.

Where do you see a dead woman?

- I saw her. - There is nothing there.

No, but then I was not wearing glasses.

When I was there I saw a woman moving.

With my glasses I can see that there is nothing there.

It's a box or another weird object.

I said there was a woman and that she was moving.

I told the police. They went there and investigated.

The Turks, Katja Bienert and the entire world want to kill me.

That's the problem. Who do they want to kill?

They can kill Al Pereira.

They are also looking for Robert Foster.

He played Al Pereira in this movie.

And they are looking for the director because he was the one who said

what the actor playing Al Pereira had to say in that moment.

- Who are they? - Antonio Mayans.

It's a decomposition

of human matter in the world of cinematographic expression.

It's crystal clear.

Aren't you exaggerating?

- You're obsessed. - Well, maybe I'm paranoid.

But we have to eliminate all of this.

In the meantime, Jesús is shooting in Malaga.

He's filming some great scenes with naked women.

Those women are filthy and disgraceful.

He's having a good time shooting an erotic movie.

And he sends me into this mess.

And then the police from many countries are looking for me and want to kill me.

I have to suffer the calamities that he orders me to do.

Go and pick up Katja Bienert. Why does he need her?

From Madrid I went to A Coruña, escaping from the Turks

in order to solve Jesús' problem.

SUCKING RELAXES

Please.

Come here a moment.

Over here! Good evening.

A Vichy Catalan please.

No, there's none left.

- A Mirinda. - I don't have any.

All right. Thank you.

Hello, how are you?

Do you want a drink, handsome?

Al Pereira!

Do you have any questions or comments?

Do you want to ask him something?

Hello, before we start with the comments

and the questions I would like to make an announcement.

At the end of the movie the title announces

The Revenge of the Alligator Ladies.

Jesús ordered me to take an international trip in order to look for...

Katja Bienert, an actress who had worked with us.

At first I thought she died in a river.

In the Llobregaten.

But the Turks said she didn't die.

I came to Finisterrae, the end of the world,

where I found two native women from A Coruña

who will accompany my son, Sal,

the mental retard whom you saw in the movie,

he will go with Jesús to shoot

the movie Revenge of the Alligator Ladies.

These two women...

have promised a lesbian performance with eleven meringues.

It has never been seen before!

Lord, free me from the Turks.

They have been following me for days and want to kill me.

And please cure my poor son, too.

He is not doing well. I only want him to speak normally.

If he can't be intelligent, at least let him speak normally.

Thank you very much!

Son. Son! Come here.

Son, come here.

Son!!

- Daddy. - Speak normally.

Speak normally, I asked God for this.

- Thank you, Daddy. - Very well.

I can speak normally. It's my voice, Daddy.

Daddy, why are you dressed this way?

The Turks are chasing me and they want to kill me.

- Why do they want to kill you? - Because I said they killed Linda.

And because I filmed many faces during the demonstration.

- And Katja Bienert? - Katja Bienert didn't come.

- Jesús will be angry. - Let him be angry.

Instead I have found

two really, really great women.

They will do an incredible lesbian performance that involves 17 meringues.

Go to Malaga with Jesús and tell him that you've got these two.

Aren't you coming?

I'm sure that when Jesús sees these two women...

Knowing Jesús...

- ls Katja not coming? - Katja is older.

Long live the lesbians, Daddy.

Where are they, Daddy? Where are they?

Where are they?

Here.

Vanessa, this is my son.

Nice to meet you.

Did you hear from Maria?

No, nothing yet.

I'm still sitting here and waiting.

We can only wait five more minutes.

Then you have to leave with her or with both.

- Do you smoke? - No, no.

No, I don't want a cigarette.

But if you want to we can show the sea.

Yes, because waiting without tobacco smoke is not possible.

Let's show the sea.

Follow the yellow promenade.

Go on.

- That way? - Yes.

Say hi to Jesús.

I will.

Tell Maria she can eat the seventeen meringues on her own.

I will tell her.

Goodbye.

What do you want to say, Pereira?

Do you like us?

Or do you prefer the fags who you usually hang out with?

You're evil! And you carry sin within you.

You are sinners! What a disgrace.

Now leave!