Original subtitles

MOSFILM

MOSFILM cineconcern

KURIER Film Studio

Gagarinsky Commercial Bank

State Russian Committee for Cinematography

present

A Karen SHAKHNAZAROV film

P O I S O N S

OR THE WORLD HISTORY OF POISONING

Starring

Ignat AKRACHKOV Oleg BASILASHVILI

Ludmila KASATKINA Zhanna DUDANOVA

Alexander BASHIROV

Olga TUMAIKINA Andrei PANIN

That's Screw.

He had your father's watch.

He's yours. We don't want him.

Written by Alexander BORODYANSKY Karen SHAKHNAZAROV

Directed by Karen SHAKHNAZAROV

The guy who was nabbed

in connection with your parents' case

is Zvantsev's man.

Director of Photography Vladimir KLIMOV

He's Screw's gummy. Screw got lost.

Production Designer Ludmila KUSAKOVA

Where'd you get that watch?

Music by Anatoly KROLL

Where'd you get that watch, you scumbag?

Costumes by Svetlana TITOVA

Makeup by Ludmila RAUZHINA

- One dude gave it to me. - What dude?

Film Editor - Lidya MILIOTI

Sound Director Gulsara MUKATAYEVA

Executive Producer Galina SHADUR

What dude?

Kostya the Hammer overdid it.

The order was just to punish.

He owed me.

He got the watch and fixed the dude.

Whose order?

Zvantsev's lawyer.

- Who's there? - No idea.

Zvantsev said it in so many words.

- Who is it? - Your neighbor.

- Hello. - Hello.

I'm your new neighbor from apartment 30.

Good to meet you.

- I'm Arnold. - I'm Oleg.

Here's some minced meat.

I suggest your wife make us some meat rolls

and we celebrate it.

Be my guest. Come on in.

Delicious.

The meat's good. Where did you get it?

I am a fitter at a meat processing factory.

And may I ask where you work?

I am an actor serving the stage.

Kate is a music teacher.

Great.

Here's to our meeting!

- Got some music? - Sure.

- A tape recorder. Would you? - Oh yes, just to cheer up.

May I ask you for a dance?

Sure.

I'd like to say a few words to you.

Shoot.

Let's go to the bathroom.

Kate!

Can I see Kate?

She is coming.

I've get to be going.

- See you. - See you. Come again.

I will.

What were you doing in the bathroom?

Talked. Arnold is an interesting person.

What where you doing in the bathroom?

What do you think you are doing?

Why those dirty thoughts? You are drunk.

Kate!

I am sorry.

O, it's tough to have an unfaithful wife.

She would defile your nuptial bed.

She'd cheat you out of your money.

She'd bring dishonor to your good name.

And even worse.

you are not just disgraced, your defiler

will stick an offensive name upon you.

Ah, those nicknames and monikers!

They dwarf the names of devils -

Satan, Beelzebud, Lucifer.

Barbazone. Sounds beautiful...

But a cuckold!

The Devil himself wouldn't be given that name.

I'd rather trust

a Fleming with a butter pot,

a Welsh priest with a chuck of cheese,

an Irishman with whiskey, and a rustler with a horse

than I'd trust my wife with my honor.

Your line.

Well...

Well, dear neighbors...

What's done can't be undone.

What's done can't be undone.

With gold we do buy land,

fate sells us

wives.

Enough.

Kate!

Open up!

Open up right now!

What is it, Oleg?

Where's Kate?

Oleg, what's wrong with you?

Why these cries from the heart and boorishness?

BAR Chinese flyer Jiao Ta.

Is this seat vacant?

Yes, you are welcome.

Cheers.

Judging by your long face you are in trouble.

Right.

My wife is unfaithful to me.

A woman's unfaithfulness is always

a blow to a man's ego.

This happened to me twice.

In 1949 my first wife -

she was an operetta actress -

was on a tour in Sochi

and took up

with Hero of Socialist Labor, coal mine superintendent

Stepanov Nikolai.

She went to Vorkuta with him.

Glory to the miners of the Polar North!

In 1965,

I came back from a business trip

and caught my second wife,

Zinaida,

with the head of our Ministry finance division, Krasovsky.

Did you suffer?

Sure, I did.

Well, it was a long time ago.

What did you do then?

The first time I got a divorce

and married Zinaida.

And the second?

I killed her.

You what?

Poisoned.

She loved kefir.

She took kefir every morning and every night.

I couldn't stand it.

Anyway, I added some cicuta

to her kefir.

Cicuta is seldom to come by today.

Ancient Greek philosopher Socrates took it

after the Athens court

sentenced him to death for anti-state propaganda

and impiety.

His friends tried to persuade him

to leave the country or appeal for pardon

but Socrates did neither.

He was kept in suspense for thirty days

waiting for the sacred boat

to sail back from Delos island

where sacrifices were to be offered

to Apollo on the occasion of his birthday.

The law forbade desecrating the city

until the sacred boat was back.

On the day the boat showed on the horizon

a priest brought him the poison cup

and the philosopher took it.

That was two and a half thousand years ago.

My friend, take my advice

and kill her. Just give her poison.

Trust me, this is the only right decision

in your case.

Hi.

You look awful. Didn't get enough sleep?

Arnold!

I beg you...

- Don't come here. - I beg your pardon?

Can't you see? Your relations with Kate

are not quite proper.

What about them? What are you talking about?

I strongly insist

that you quit coming here.

What's wrong?

I came by and he says not to come here anymore.

What?

Oleg, how can you be so mean?

Go on apologize.

It's OK with me if I never come here.

I just wanted to borrow some salt

and he pounced on me with his 'don't come'.

I am sorry, Arnold. Now go to your place,

I'll come to you right now.

"Forgive me forever."

This is aconite. It paralyzes nerve-knots.

I love this poison. It causes instant death.

Caligula poisoned Tiberius with it.

This is asclepite.

It can drive a person to ecstasy

and euphoria.

Personally, I find it overly cruel.

First you give the person a bliss, then you kill him.

Ancient Aryans deified this poison.

They called it the Drink of Immortality.

Finally, the famous contarella.

The Pope of Rome

Alexander VI Borgia got its formula from his aristocratic mother

in the 16th century.

A person thus poisoned

dies an agonizing death.

Pope Alexander VI liked to poison his cardinals with it.

How come you have them?

I make them and always carry them with me.

Just in case.

No, I can't.

I wouldn't poison Kate.

You think it was easy for me to give her the poisoned kefir?

But I pictured her panting

when she was making love to that bastard --

and my hand didn't falter.

Pussy, I want my kefir.

In a minute.

Here you are.

- Thank you, pussy. - You are welcome.

For some fleeting moment I felt pity for her

and was tempted to give her counterpoison,

a crow's toe with egg powder.

But then I pictured her in Krasnovsky's arms again

and my pity vanished.

Now you visualize your wife

in the bathroom

wriggling voluptuously

in your neighbor's iron embraces.

Maybe she wants to break free but no way.

His fingers of steel are clasping her tender, rose buttocks.

Isn't it enough for you to be seized with a righteous anger?

Isn't it enough for you

to inflict a condign punishment?

- I am ready. - Fine.

Let's see what kind of poison you'll use.

Do you want your wife to depart this world

in agonizing torment,

and writhing in convulsions and being covered in sores

or easily and painlessly?

Easily and painlessly I guess.

A generous decision.

In that case it's going to be asclepite.

Let's discuss how you go about it

so you won't be suspected

by law-enforcement agencies.

How?

I'd recommend the method

Persian Queen Parisatida

used in the IV century B.C.

when she poisoned her sister-in-law Statira.

It was the time when in the valleys of great rivers

powerful states rose and fell.

The Persian King Xerxes,

after having conquered the Hetts,

founded a great empire.

One of Xerxes' wives,

Parisatida, attempted to enthrone her son.

She seduced the chief of the King's guard

and urged him to kill the King.

Parisatida doted on her son.

She would do anything for him.

Now that he was made a king she was happy.

When Artaxerxes got married,

Parisatida grew jealous

of his young wife Statira

whom Artaxerxes loved very much.

She decided to poison her daughter-in-law.

Being mutually suspicious, the two women

ate the same food

from one dish and one plate.

One day Parisatida cut the game that was served for dinner

with a knife

that was powdered with poison on one side.

Statira died in agony

but before that she managed to tell Artaxerxes

that his mother had poisoned her.

Artaxerxes ordered his mother's servants executed

but didn't do anything to her.

He just exiled her to Babylon

and she had never seen her son again.

I want a chicken, please.

- Big or small? - Big.

Are you home?

The rehearsal was canceled.

Oh, what an inviting smell!

- Roasted chicken. - What's the big idea?

Don't you like chicken?

With peas.

I love it.

Now sit down to table, I'll serve it.

What a pleasant surprise.

Bon appetit!

Who is it?

No idea.

Hi, Mom!

I've brought you some potatoes.

Hi, precious.

- Hello, sweetie. - That's a nice hat.

Am I glad to see you.

Hello, son-in-law.

Good day to you, Evgenia Ivanovna.

Help yourself, Mom.

- Don't touch it. - What?

Come on, take it, Mom, that's my piece.

Don't touch it!

What's it about? How dare you?

Grudging chicken to his own mother-in-law.

I don't. Have mine.

Why yours when I have a daughter?

Eat, Mom.

What's going on? The cheek!

For shame! Oh God, how could I live with this monster!

Son of a bitch! That's the limit.

I quit.

I owe you nothing after what you did.

Poor dear.

- D'you take everything? - Except the TV set.

So she was about to swallow that piece and you pulled it

out of her mouth and threw out the window.

The same funny thing happened

to Pope Alexander VI.

He meant to poison his friend,

Cardinal Adriano di Carnetto,

but drank the poison cup himself by mistake.

No thanks.

Five days later the Pope

died an agonizing death.

So you are fond of your mother-in-law?

Not really.

Then why didn't you let her eat that chicken?

The idea was to poison Kate,

not Evgenia Ivanovna.

Being merciful doesn't pay, my friend.

The trio will grab your flat now.

What am I to do?

Poison all three of them.

- All three? - Don't make round eyes.

Nero, incidentally, poisoned half the Senate.

That famous Neapolitan poisoness Tofana

in the 17th century killed more than 600 persons that way.

So I see no reason for rounding your eyes

because of an old hag, a fitter and an unfaithful wife.

When all's said and done,

you can first poison the fitter,

then we'll see.

Your wife might have second thoughts and your family'll be reunited.

- Are you sorry for the fitter? - Frankly...

I'm not a bit sorry for him,

but I'm not to poison anyone else!

Oleg, where's the coffee grinder?

They said to take the teapot too.

The mother. Does she usually stay for long?

Can be half a year.

Wow!

What was wrong with the chicken then?

Why didn't you let her have it?

Now what do we have here?

You have a two-room apartment

and I live in a bedsit with your wife and her dear mom.

That's not fair.

- Let's swop. - What do you mean?

You'll have to split it anyway.

Why should I?

My mother bought it

when I got married.

She worked hard in three places scraping up

to buy this flat.

So I've got to provide for your wife

and for her mother to boot

and you'll be happy-go-lucky here?

No way!

It's either we swop

or you can have them both back and go to hell.

- Get outa here, you bastard. - What?

I said get outa here, you piece of shit!

And give that coffee grinder and teapot back! You're getting nothing.

Oh yeah? We'll see who's going to laugh the last.

You'll be sorry for this.

And don't brandish

your fist here.

And never set foot in my flat!

Tomorrow you'll take off from your apartment like a shot from the gun.

You will!

I'll leave you to rot.

- What's going on? - He won't give me anything.

Neither the coffee grinder, nor the teapot, and yells to boot.

I'll call the police and they will hold you inside for 15 days.

How dare you?

Give me my things, now.

- It's my coffee grinder. - Since when?

Since my mother gave it to me.

You don't have any conscience.

Cut the conscience talk. That's your problem.

Your mother never gave us anything.

Maybe an iron for our wedding but it was broken.

And this coffee grinder. I bought it with my own money.

- Hard earned money. - Aren't you a S.O.B.?

Your money! It can't even buy a panty.

You are a terrible man.

I'm going to sue you for division of the flat and property.

You'll never ever bring floozies here.

I didn't expect it from you, Oleg.

I didn't.

Hello.

Do you often use the pros' services?

The pros' services? Don't listen to her.

I can't afford them, with my earnings.

They've become quite affordable after the crisis.

Especially uptown.

Wait a minute.

How did you get in here?

Me? I was passing by and just dropped in.

May I come in?

Yes, of course.

Is the lady on the staircase your wife?

- Yes. - And that guy

is the fitter-cum-lover?

That's him.

I'm surprised you are hesitating to poison them.

One glance at them is enough to realize

this duo will lay their hands

on your flat without qualms.

Not only has your wife got herself a lover,

she is set on kicking you outa your own home, with that lover.

Having less potent grounds,

King of England Henry VIII

decapitated two of his six wives.

French Marshal Giles de Rais nicknamed the Blue Beard,

dismembered 12 wives and mistresses.

Even Ivan the Terrible,

who was more tolerant, drowned one wife

and banished six others to a monastery.

- You... - What?

Just imagine

that in this flat of yours

on this bed

they will be copulating -

and having a good laugh at you.

Shamelessly

and impudently.

While you, like a stray dog,

will lie in the gutter

in the rain.

What a storm!

God forbid being out in the street now.

Is he over there?

Sure. Where else.

Go see what he's doing.

I bet he's lying in the gutter

soaked to the skin.

- Doesn't he have an umbrella? - I don't think so.

We've legally seized all his property.

I am ready.

Give her a pair of gloves.

The Queen of France Catherine Medici did that in the 16th century.

The power-hungry Queen presented Jeanne d'Albrais,

the Queen of Navarra, with poison-soaked gloves.

Poor Jeanne wore them at a ball. Poisonous fumes got into her brain

and she departed this beautiful, if vicious, world.

What fireworks!

What fireworks!

What a treat!

What wines, what victuals!

What women!

Beauties! Come on, my friend.

- Don't touch it. - Why not?

No hurry. Let's see what will happen.

What's the matter with her?

The red wine is poisoned, meaning vodka is not.

Vodka?

- D'you see what he had? - Jellied fish.

Don't eat fish. Eat black caviar.

Right. Thank you.

Gentlemen,

it is a privilige to see so many celebrated persons

at my birthday party.

Thank you.

You look very much like this gentleman.

Many people say it but it is a pure coincidence.

- No relations. - Who is he?

Pope Alexander VI Borgia.

- How did he get here? - I don't know.

He might come by car or by train

for all I know.

- Didn't he live in the 16th century? - Next to him is his son Cesare.

To his left is his daughter Lucrezia.

Both her Dad and her sib sleep with her.

- And who are you, may I ask. - I am Cardinal di Carnetto.

- And you are? - Prokhorov Ivan Petrovich.

And this is my friend Oleg. He is an actor.

- A stage actor. - Hello.

- I've never seen him around here. - It's his first time.

He poisoned his wife, mother-in-law and fitter Sharapov.

Many thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen!

What rules this world?

Passions.

What human passions are most powerful and beautiful?

Covetousness, envy, jealousy and power lust.

Who wouldn't want to roll up his posh Jaguar

to the Sheraton-Hawaii hotel crunching 100-dollar bills?

Who wouldn't want to bake

in the sun with a glamorous mulatto on the Acapulco beach?

Who hasn't seen himself, even for a minute,

the master of the White House,

the Buckingham Palace or the Kremlin?

Who wouldn't feel a burning hatred for a friend

who got an inheritance?

Who wouldn't be enraged seeing that his wife

couldn't tear her eyes off some cute youth?

Gentlemen, poison every one of those

who stand in your way to power, wealth and glory.

Poison your fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters,

friends, enemies and rivals.

Poison the loved and hated ones.

Poison the righteous, whores and villains.

Saints too.

And you will obtain immortality.

For immortal

is just one divine beverage.

It is called poison.

Waltz!

Madame, your perfume is terrific.

You like it? It's Bianca.

The Florentine formula.

And these gloves are a gift from the Queen of France,

Catherine Medici.

Who are you?

I am Jeanne d'Albrais, the Queen of Navarra.

What's happened?

My wife's back from the dacha.

For shame!

This bad woman called me a whore

and hit my mother - and you didn't say a word.

What can I do? Beat her up?

She is a master of sports in boat-racing. She is strong.

I can give her a bloody mug too.

So she couldn't leave the house.

Now wait a minute. Are you going to live here?

We can't help it. She wouldn't let us in.

Forget it. I don't want to share my flat with you.

You don't want us to live on the street, do you?

You can lodge with Evgenia Ivanovna in Khimki.

Your wife's been insulted and disgraced and you?

Instead of showing this slut her place

you are wrangling over the flat.

You are forcing your own wife and mother-in-law out into the street.

I said for you to go to Evgenia Ivanovna's place.

Buster! It's your cherished dream to get rid of me

and turn our home into a brothel. Never!

Frankly, Oleg,

it's you who should go to Khimki.

Forget Khimki. That's my home.

Where would he go?

He can go to his bints. You have never been faithful to me.

- You are a sex maniac. - Shut up, you fool.

Shut up everybody,

you shameless creatures.

Who is it?

Hi. My name is Zoya.

I am the wife of your neighbor Arnold.

Come on in.

Zoya!

My gems are gone.

So?

Give them back if you don't want me to search you.

And it will turn out badly for the thief.

What exactly is missing?

Granate earrings, a golden pendent and a silver chain.

I count till three.

I didn't take them.

Your face looks familiar.

Are you actor Oleg Volkov?

Yes. That's me.

I was crazy about you.

I went to all your plays. You were in the Gogol theater.

Right. Not anymore.

I even wrote you a letter.

You probably didn't read it.

An ordinary girl wrote a letter to a well-known actor.

Why, I did.

I remember your letter.

I do.

When night descends onto the city, I am thinking of you.

When I am in Morpheus' arms,

I am whispering: "Come to me."

- Filimonova Zoya. - That's my letter.

Well, well.

And what are you doing here, Oleg?

I live here.

This is my ex-wife,

this is my ex-mother-in-law and this is...

This is my ex-husband.

Come with me, I'll treat you to tea.

Right.

Did you ever want to kill your wife?

Why do you ask?

You see,

sometimes I wanted to kill my husband.

- Jealousy? - Oh no.

No.

One day he was sitting where you are sitting now.

He was having tea and I was eating meat pancakes.

Suddenly I thought: I want to thrust my fork into his eye.

I was dying to do that so much

so I had to go to the kitchen.

Another time he was smoking on the balcony in his trunks.

I was looking at his back and picturing myself

to run up to him,

take him by the feet and throw him out.

You hate him that much?

Not at all.

I like him.

Still, lying in bed I often think like this.

Here is a dead man.

As soon as I turn over to him I'll see his glazed eyes.

I remember when I first saw you.

You were Evdokimov in "104 Pages about Love".

I was.

I liked you in this role,

especially in the finale

when Evdokimov learns that his girlfriend,

air hostess Natasha, died trying to pull children

out of the flaming jet.

You just stood there

looking into the hall.

Guess who you could play.

Cesare Borgia.

Cesare?

- The son of Pope Alexander VI? - Yeah.

He was an outstanding son of a bitch.

He slept with his half-sister.

When he learned she was also sleeping

with his half-brother, he killed the guy.

He got any woman he fancied.

Whenever he had enough of them, he'd kill and throwthem into a Tiber.

When he seized Capua

he slaughtered seven thousand people.

Three hundred noble women locked themselves in a tower.

Cesare broke down the door

and picked forty most beautiful women.

He gave the others to his soldiers.

Once Cesare and his father decided to poison

three Cardinals to get hold of their money.

Alexander VI asked them to dinner in a garden

not far from the Vatican.

Cesare gave two bottles of poisoned wine

to his servant.

I make a signal --

and you give the wine to whoever I point to.

I'll carry them myself.

See that you don't make a mistake.

Well, let's have dinner.

Cesare, I left my medallion.

So what?

You know that my astrologist Rimolino said

neither iron, nor poison can harm me

as long as I wear that medallion with holy gifts.

Carnetto,

will you run to the palace and fetch my medallion.

You know the table in my bedroom?

There's the Scriptures book on it. The medallion is there.

Jiovanni,

get me a glass of wine.

For me too.

His Grace wants two glasses of wine.

What are you doing, fool? I said this bottle.

God bless me!

God bless me!

Alexander VI died 5 days later.

His body was so bloated and stinking

that nobody dared kiss his hand

in defiance of the custom.

Cesare was struggling for life tooth and nail.

He did not want to leave this world

full of pleasures and delights.

In order to detoxify his organism

he was taking bull's blood baths.

Whether thanks to those baths,

or to his strong constitution

Cesare had pulled through.

What makes you think I could enact Cesare?

I don't know.

Maybe because I am partial to you.

- Oh, cheese pancake. - Have some.

- I know they are good. - You like them?

My mother

always gave me cheese pancakes for breakfast.

I am going to make them for your breakfasts.

Who is it?

No idea.

Hey. What can I do for you?

Hey. I am Prokhorov,

Oleg Volkov's friend. Can I see him?

Sure. Oleg, your friend wants to see you

- So that's where you are. - Hello.

I called on your place

and your mother-in-law said you don't live there anymore.

That's right. I left my place.

Please meet Zoya. Zoya, this is Ivan Petrovich.

- Gee, cheese pancakes. - Would you like some?

- I'd love to, mon chere. - Will you go on

into the room.

- Are you crazy, Oleg? - Why?

You are not yet through with your first wife.

You can't live by instincts. You are not an animal after all.

I love Zoya. And she fell in love with me years ago.

When she saw me on the stage.

Well, friends, you are full of surprises.

Now to the point. You got the gloves?

- No. - Good.

I've got a new plan.

You'll get rid of your wife and her mother and lover.

Then with a clear conscience

you could build a new family.

I appreciate it really

but that won't be necessary.

You mean you are willing to leave your mother's flat to those rogues?

Let them go. I'll stay here with Zoya.

The pancakes are served!

How sweet the wife before marriage!

Thanks, honey, but I've got to go.

And the cheese pancakes?

Next time better luck, mon chere.

- See you. - See you SOON.

Who is he?

An acquaintance.

What does he do?

He is a pensioner.

Look...

Why don't you bring your things here?

We'll be together from now on.

Forever.

The court'll give this flat to him since you are not registered here.

We can move into yours.

And they'll live in this flat.

- I'm not registered there. - You aren't?

- Where ARE you registered? - At my Dad's in Odintsovo.

With my brother and his family.

You're a fine fellow indeed. Why didn't you tell me?

Why?

You didn't ask.

So there's only Khimki left.

Forget Khimki.

We're in shit up to the ears

and Oleg has it all.

He and Zoya will live here and rent that flat for 300 bucks.

What are we going to do?

- Poison them. - Poison Oleg?

- Both of them. - Right.

I don't see any other option.

We'll ask them to have meat rolls

and sprinkle them with rat poison.

The things you are saying!

Where would we get poison?

I am sure Albert has it.

Yes, sure.

What about your things, Oleg?

- What's wrong? - Vile creatures!

What are you trying to say?

- Vile creatures! - What's wrong?

They are plotting to poison us.

Who? What creatures?

Kate, Arnold and Evgenia Ivanovna.

- No! - I heard it with my own ears.

They want to poison us and get our apartment.

They do? How mean.

I'll go there and beat the hell out of them.

Hold it.

Hold it.

We've got to do away with that bunch

once and for all.

They are coming.

Let's pretend we know nothing.

- Hello. - Hello.

Come on in.

- Thanks. - We won't stay long.

Why not?

You don't come often.

- Let me make some tea. - Don't bother.

- Albert... - Arnold.

We want to ask you to dinner.

- Ask us to dinner? - Yes.

We'll sit and drink like good neighbors.

Why bear a grudge against each other?

- We don't bear a grudge against you. - Neither us.

- We want to be friends. - Us too.

So you want us to come?

Right.

We'll eat and drink.

With pleasure.

Does Sunday suit you?

Sure.

That's it for now.

- See you. - See you.

Hypocrites! I could hardly restrain myself

from punching them.

Relax.

The cat chasing a mouse

will get into the mouse-trap.

Actor Oleg Volkov?

- That's him. - Yes.

Pope Alexander VI would like to see you.

- I am honored. - Follow me please.

This way.

- Wait! - Let go of me.

Are you actor Oleg Volkov?

Yes.

Did you plan to poison

yourwife, her lover fitter Sharapov

and your mother-in-law...

Evgenia Ivanovna Kholodkova.

Right, Mrs Kholodkova.

- I did. - Excellent.

May I ask you to dinner?

My pleasure.

- Who are you? - Prokhorov Ivan Petrovich.

In the past I worked for the Heavy Machine Building Ministry.

I am on pension now.

Bingo! He poisoned his second wife.

With cicuta.

- You remember the story? - And?

Your Excellency, I am kind of Mr Volkov's tutor,

sort of his spiritual teacher.

Alright. Damn you, let him go.

Let me make introductions.

This is the celebrated Roman Emperor

of the Claudius' dynasty, Gaius Caligula.

He knows all about poisons. He tested them on his slaves.

Among others, he poisoned his stepfather Emperor Tiberius.

This is one more outstanding emperor, Nero,

and his accomplice poisoner Lacusta.

Tha Persian Queen Parisatida.

Queen Catherine Medici of France.

Marquise Marie Madelaine de Brenvillier.

She poisoned her father.

Also she visited hospitals

and tested her poisons on patients.

Doctor Edma Corsta.

He poisoned all of his brothers

hoping to grab their fortunes.

Man, what a beauty!

Crimean ruler Khan Mengli Guirei,

he personifies Oriental perfidy.

This is American schoolboy Bill Holmes.

His granny gave him a Christmas gift,

a Young Chemist kit.

Within two years the smart kid

poisoned his parents,

granny, sister, Uncle John

and PT instructor.

Okay, go have dinner. Interestingly,

he made all poisons himself.

My daughter Lucrezia.

Lucrezia!

She cohabits with me and my son

and her brother Cesare.

Oh you haven't met my son Cesare.

- I've heard a lot about you. - Sit next to me.

Gentlemen, it's time for dinner.

Take pot luck with us.

Take your seats everybody.

Gentlemen!

I raise the first glass for our guest.

Mr Volkov is scheming to poison his wife,

her lover fitter Sharapov and his mother-in-law.

er...

Kholodkova Evgenia Ivanovna.

Oh yes, Mrs Kholodkova.

Let's wish him luck.

- Good luck! - Thank you.

What was it that prompted your decision?

- Jealousy? - Yes, jealousy.

His wife and the fitter shut themselves in the bathroom.

In the end she left him for the fitter.

To cap it all, she is claiming my flat.

What? How come?

My mother bought it with her own money.

Kate is registered in Evgenia Ivanovna's apartment.

So when Evgenia Ivanovna dies,

the apartment would be hers.

Let them go to Khimki.

That's what I said:

"Go to Khimki." They won't.

Damned cheek!

My father attempted to take our family castle away from me.

He failed.

How do you intend to poison those people?

What's your plan, so to say.

The New Year is coming.

Who the hell is it?

Could be my brother Nikolai.

Happy New Year!

- Is this Volkov's flat? - No, this is our flat.

Actor Volkov doesn't live here anymore.

That's okay. Take a present from Moscow's City Hall.

- How about a drink? - Thanks, we've got 6 more addresses.

Okay. Now the fir-tree will thaw out

and poisonous fumes will reach their brain

and central nervous system.

I adore you!

That's a great plan.

And what kind of poison are you going to use?

I can recommend the Bianca perfume.

Ivan Petrovich is for cantarella.

It's a good poison.

It causes the eyes to burst and the hair to fall out,

with the person's body covering with festering sores.

Good substance.

Are you afraid of death?

Of death?

I guess so.

Everybody is afraid of death.

On the night when the Senate proclaimed me an enemy of the people

I decided to take my life by poisoning myself.

But I was afraid to die and couldn't bring myself to do it.

I asked my slave to thrust a sword in my throat.

I felt nothing.

The plotters approached me from behind

and chopped my head off.

Then they killed my children.

I was dying hard.

I don't want to speak about it.

And how did you die, Cesare?

I died four years after you.

Fortune turned her back on me after you died.

My enemies who once shuddered

at the mere mention of my name

began to chase me like an animal.

Friends...

I never had friends.

March 10, 1507, I got into an ambush.

You could have saved. You had a fine horse

and you were one of the best horsemen in Europe.

The people I met on my life-path

experienced a variety of feelings for me -

admiration, fear, hatred, envy.

But not one of them ever loved me.

I got tired of life

and was seeking death.

In 1492,

when Columbus was sailing toward American shores,

young Cesare Borgia was heading to Rome

summoned by his father

who was elected Supreme Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church.

Within half an hour's ride from Rome

he came upon a beautiful valley and dismounted.

He knew that awaiting him ahead were battles and glory,

love and treachery, murder and wealth,

i.e. the life he had always craved.

But at that moment a thought pierced though him.

He wished he could stop and live

in that blessed valley till the end of his days.

This film is based on real facts.

These developments unfolded in 2000 in Moscow.

Oleg Volkov divorced Kate

and married Zoya.

Kate married Arnold.

Both couples are quite happy

and even visit each other occasionally.

Evgenia Ivanovna died of a heart attack.

Prokhorov exchanged his Moscow flat

for an apartment in Yalta, Crimea.

He was granted Ukrainian citizenship.

Oleg is still treading the stage - and not without success.

One young and promising director

staging a production on the Borgia family

has taken Oleg on as Cesare.

CAST

Oleg - Ignat AKRACHKOV

Prokhorov and Alexander VI Borgia Oleg BASILASHVILI

Kate - Zhanna DUDANOVA

Arnold - Alexander BASHIROV

Zoya - Olga TUMAIKINA

Evgenia Ivanovna Ludmila KASATKINA

Cesare Borgia - Andrei PANIN

Scriptwriters Alexander BORODYANSKY Karen SHAKHNAZAROV

Directed by Karen SHAKHNAZAROV

Director of Photography Vladimir KLIMOV

Production Designer Ludmila KUSAKOVA

Music by Anatoly KROLL

Executive Producer Galina SHADUR

Costumes by Svetlana TITOVA

Makeup Artists Ludmila RAUZHINA, Elmira ZOTOVA

Film Editor - Lidya MILIOTI

Sound Supervisor Gulsara MUKATAYEVA