All language subtitles for The No 1 Ladies Detective Agency S01e01

( woman vocalizing )

( theme music playing )

Mma Ramotswe:
IN THIS BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY
OF BOTSWANA,

WE BELIEVE OUR ANCESTORS
WATCH OVER US.

WE BELIEVE THAT IF WE STRIVE
TO MAKE THEM PROUD,

THEN THEY WILL HELP
AND PROTECT US.

UNFORTUNATELY, OUR ANCESTORS
ARE NOT VERY HELPFUL

IN BALANCING THE ACCOUNTS,
ACCORDING TO MY SECRETARY,

MMA MAKUTSI.

IT IS ONE YEAR SINCE
MY DADDY PASSED AWAY,

AND 62 DAYS SINCE
I OPENED MY DOOR

TO THE LOST
AND THE FRIGHTENED.

I REMAIN DETERMINED
TO HELP THEM

AND TO FIGHT
FOR JUSTICE.

AS FOR THE ACCOUNTS,

EVERY DAY WITHOUT RAIN BRINGS
THE RAIN ONE DAY CLOSER.

Woman:
"#1 LADIES' DETECTIVE AGENCY"?

ARE YOU A DETECTIVE, MMA?

NO WAY.

NOT EXACTLY
A DETECTIVE.

Man:
EE, MMA, DO YOU CARRY
A GUN WITH YOU?

- ( all laughing )
- THERE IS NO NEED.

DETECTIVE WORK IS NOT
ALL BANG BANG BANG,
LIKE IN THE MOVIES.

Man:
HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!

PA PA!

( makes gunfire
sounds )

AHH!

- DUMELA, DARLING LADY.
- DUMELA, RRE.

- DID YOU SLEEP WELL?
- A GOOD DETECTIVE
NEVER SLEEPS,

UNLESS OF COURSE
SHE'S ASLEEP.

I'M LATE.

IS THERE ANY POST?

EE, MMA, ALL SAYING
THE SAME THING.

"DEAR SIR, YOUR PAYMENT
IS OVERDUE."

I PICKED UP THE LEAFLETS
FROM THE PRINTER'S.

200 PULA--
30 DAYS TO PAY.

OH, THEY LOOK GOOD.

YOU DID A FINE JOB.

"BOTSWANA'S ONLY
ACCREDITED EXPERT."

LET'S JUST HOPE
IT DOES THE TRICK.

THANK YOU.

OH, MMA, I NEED
A DENTAL APPOINTMENT.

HAVE YOU GOT
A TOOTHACHE?

- NO.
- BUT YOU HATE DENTISTS.

PLEASE JUST MAKE
THE APPOINTMENT.

"DR. KOMOTI."

WHAT KIND OF NAME
IS KOMOTI?

I BELIEVE HE'S
A NIGERIAN.

YOU WANT TO GO TO
A NIGERIAN DENTIST?

LET US NOT
BE PREJUDICED.

BUT YOU DON'T EVEN
HAVE A TOOTHACHE.

THIS KOMOTI COULD--
COULD MAKE YOU UNCONSCIOUS

WITH HIS ANESTHETIC AND--

AND THEN HE COULD...

HE COULD WHAT?

...STEAL THE MONEY FROM
YOUR HANDBAG.

( sighs )

PLEASE, IT'S JUST
A CHECKUP,

THAT IS ALL.

MAKE THE APPOINTMENT
IN THE NAME OF MMA THATHANA

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

AHH! NOW I UNDERSTAND.

THIS IS A PROFESSIONAL
ASSIGNMENT.

I AM DOING A FAVOR
FOR A FRIEND.

OH.

MMM.

I SEE.

I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE
AN APPOINTMENT WITH...

DR. KOMOTI.

IT IS FOR
MY EMPLOYER,

MMA-- MMA THATHANA.

"WHEN HE IS FORCED TO
CONFRONT THE THING

THAT MOST STRIKES TERROR
INTO HIS HEART,

THE GOOD INVESTIGATOR

GRITS HIS TEETH
AND ADDRESSES HIS TASKS

WITH A COOL
AND COURAGEOUS HAND."

SHE'LL BE THERE.

I HAVE MADE
THE APPOINTMENT.

EXCELLENT.

IT IS IN ONE HOUR.

TODAY?

YOU SAID AS SOON
AS POSSIBLE.

AND TODAY IS
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

CALL STRAIGHT BACK
AND MAKE IT TOMORROW.

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
TOMORROW.

HELLO.

YES?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WANT A JOB.

WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE A JOB.
GO AWAY.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU ARE
TOO LOW.

I AM TALL
FOR MY AGE.

WHO ARE YOU
TALKING TO?

I AM TRYING TO EXPLAIN
TO THIS ANNOYING LITTLE BOY

THAT WE HAVE NO JOB
TO GIVE HIM.

PLEASE, MMA,
I'D BE VERY GOOD FOR YOU.

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN,

WE HAVE 200 PULAS' WORTH
OF LEAFLETS

PILED UP AS IDLE
AS BRICKS.

WHO IS TO PUT THEM
INTO PEOPLE'S HANDS

AND THROUGH THE GATES?

HE WILL PROBABLY JUST
THROW THEM AWAY.

I WON'T. I'LL PUT THEM
INTO PEOPLE'S HANDS

AND THROUGH THE GATES.

WE SHOULD GIVE HIM
A CHANCE.

WE SHOULD GIVE THE JOB TO
SOMEONE WHO IS OLD ENOUGH

TO READ WHAT
HE IS HANDING OUT.

I CAN READ.

COME INTO MY OFFICE,
YOUNG MAN.

"THE #1 LADIES'...

DEFECTIVE AGENCY."

NEARLY.

"IS THERE SOMEONE

THAT YOU KNOW

AND LOVE

WHO HAS
MYSTER--"

MYSTERIOUSLY.

"--MYSTERIOUSLY--"

VANISHED.

"--VANISHED?

BRING THIS LEAFLET--"

Both:
"--WITH YOU

FOR YOUR FR--

FREE DISCOUNT."

VERY GOOD.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

( whispering )
WELLINGTON.

HA, WELLINGTON.

I WILL GIVE YOU
A TRIAL.

- YES!
- ( laughs )

HERE IS ONE BUNDLE
FOR YOU TO HAND OUT.

I WILL GIVE YOU
TWO PULA NOW

AND ANOTHER TWO
FOR EVERY CLIENT WHO
COMES IN WITH A LEAFLET.

MMA MAKUTSI?

THANK YOU, MMA.

MMM.
OFF YOU GO.

I STILL THINK HE
WILL THROW THEM AWAY.

Wellington:
NO, HE WON'T!

( chuckles )

( man whistling )

( whistling )

AY AY AY AY AY!

( speaking Setswana )

CHARLIE, WOULD YOU NOT DRIVE
THE CUSTOMERS' CARS

AS THOUGH WE ARE OUT
ON THE RACETRACK?

BUT BOSS,
WE ARE SPEEDY MOTORS.

WE ARE ONLY DOING WHAT
IT SAYS ON THE BOARD.

- EXACTLY.
- WE ARE CALLED SPEEDY MOTORS

BECAUSE OUR WORK IS SPEEDY,
NOT BECAUSE WE SUPE UP
THE CUSTOMERS' CARS.

- I'M SORRY, MMA.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M VERY SORRY.
I DON'T MEAN TO CAUSE
AN INCONVENIENCE.

THANK YOU FOR THIS FAVOR.
JINGER-MAY HAS BEEN SO WORRIED.

PLEASE DON'T GIVE IT
A SECOND THOUGHT.

I'M HAPPY TO HELP.

I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU
IN ANY DANGER.

RRE MATEKONI,
HE'S JUST A DENTIST.

WHAT'S THE WORST
THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Dr. Komoti:
JUST STAY AWAY FROM
THOSE SWEETS, YOUNG LADY,

AND YOU'LL NEVER NEED
TO LOOK AT THAT NASTY
DRILL EVER AGAIN.

OKAY?

GOODBYE,
MRS. MOJE.

- YOU CAN GO FIRST, MMA.
- THANK YOU.

WHO IS NEXT?

MRS. BOTENKE.

AH, MRS. BOTENKE,
HOW ARE YOU?

I'M ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.

DID DR. KOMOTI
DO THAT?

NO, SHE WAS IN
A BAD CAR CRASH.

I AM JINGER-MAY.
WE'VE GOT TO BE QUICK.

THAT LADY'S ONLY COLLECTING
HER NEW TEETH.

YOUR UNCLE,
RRE MATEKONI,

TOLD ME THAT YOU
HAD SOME CONCERNS.

BIG CONCERNS.

THERE IS NO GREATER
PUBLIC DANGER

THAN A DENTIST WHO IS
HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

I SINCERELY
AGREE WITH THAT.

BUT WHAT MAKES YOU
THINK HE'S HAVING ONE?

WHEN HE'S ON AN UPSWING,
HE'S A VERY GOOD DENTIST.

BUT WHEN HE'S ON
A DOWNSWING,

HE MAKES MISTAKES.

WE'VE HAD
INFECTED IMPLANTS,

A ROOT FILLING THAT
WENT SIDEWAYS INTO
A PATIENT'S GUM

AND AN ABSCESSED MOLAR
THAT EXPLODED.

I KNOW WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I AM STUDYING TO QUALIFY
AS A DENTIST MYSELF.

DON'T THE PATIENTS
COMPLAIN?

NO, THE PATIENTS ARE TOO AFRAID
OF DENTISTS TO COMPLAIN.

- ( doctor chattering )
- QUICKLY,

IS DR. KOMOTI ON AN UPSWING
OR A DOWNSWING TODAY?

IT'S IMPORTANT.

- ( door opens )
- OKAY?

BYE NOW.

THANK YOU AGAIN, MMA.

WILL YOU COME IN, PLEASE?

LIE DOWN.

DO YOU HAVE ANY
DISCOMFORT?

- NO.
- PAIN OF ANY KIND?

NO.
NO PAIN AT ALL.

I JUST WANT A CHECKUP,
NOTHING MORE.

I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK,
SHALL WE?

OPEN WIDE.

AHH.

( garbled speech )

GOOD-- CLEANING
IS EXCELLENT.

HEALTHY GUMS,
NO BLEEDING.

AHH, THERE'S A TINY CHIP
IN THE ENAMEL THERE.

YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A LITTLE
ROUGHNESS AGAINST THE TONGUE.

IT WILL ONLY
TAKE A MOMENT.

( Mma Ramotswe
protesting )

WHAT SHALL I WRITE
IN THE ACCOUNT BOOK?

NOTHING. HE SEEMED LIKE
A PERFECTLY NORMAL DENTIST.

QUITE GOOD, IN FACT.

BUT THAT WAS
AN UPSWING DAY.

I THINK THAT YOU
SHOULD SEE HIM AGAIN

TO FIND OUT WHAT
HE IS LIKE

- ON A DOWNSWING DAY.
- OH, NO, THANK YOU.

OH, MAYBE YOU COULD PUT
DR. KOMOTI UNDER SURVEILLANCE.

YOU MEAN SHADOW HIM?

- MMM.
- YES.

IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE.

MMA RAMOTSWE,
WE HAVE A CLIENT!

( both speak Setswana )

I'M LOOKING FOR
MMA RAMOTSWE,
THE DETECTIVE.

I AM MMA RAMOTSWE.

MY CARD, MMA.

AHEM-- "BANDA TELEPHONE
SMART SUPPLIES."

AHH, I THINK WE GOT
OUR OWN TELEPHONE FROM
YOUR SHOP.

ISN'T THAT SO,
MMA MAKUTSI?

WE ACQUIRED ALL OUR
COMMUNICATIONS APPARATUS
FROM SMART SUPPLIES.

MMA MAKUTSI GRADUATED
FROM THE BOTSWANA
SECRETARIAL COLLEGE.

97%.

EE.
THAT'S HIGH, MMA.

IT IS THE HIGHEST IN
THE HISTORY OF THE COLLEGE.

RRE BANDA,

WOULD YOU CARE TO
COME INTO MY OFFICE?

OH, PLEASURE PLEASURE.

( mutters )

I WANT YOU TO TAKE A LOOK
AT THIS PHOTO.

YES.

- IS THIS YOUR WIFE?
- YES, EXACTLY-- MY WIFE.

MMM.
IS SHE MISSING?

NO NO NO NO,
SHE'S NOT MISSING.

SHE'S AT HOME,
AS LARGE AS LIFE,

IF NOT LARGER.

MMA, I WANT YOU TO
TAKE A CLOSER LOOK--

EH, THE PHOTO CLOSE.

YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S
STANDING NEXT TO?

THERE-- YOU SEE?

IT'S A DOG.

- A DOG?
- YES, A DOG.

SO THE DOG IS MISSING?

YES.

OH, THE NAME OF
THE DOG IS LUCKY.

AHH.

I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT
YOU, RRE BANDA,

BUT I AM NOT
A DOG CATCHER.

PLEASE, MY SITUATION
IS DESPERATE.

YOU SEE,

I TOOK LUCKY TO
THE POOCH PARLOR

THERE IN
THE AFRICAN MALL.

MY ATTENTION
WAS DISTRACTED,

JUST ONLY
ONE MINUTE.

EH--
IT WAS GONE.

AND YOU SEE, MY WIFE
IS BESIDE HERSELF.

I'D-- I'D LIKE TO MAKE
AN EXCEPTION FOR YOU,
RRE BANDA.

BUT UNFORTUNATELY,
MY DIARY IS FULL.

NOT TOTALLY FULL!

OH, LORD.

WE ARE STILL WAITING
FOR THE DOCUMENTS IN
THE DIAMOND-SMUGGLING CASE,

WHICH MEANS THAT WE HAVE--
JUST A MOMENT--

MMM, THREE FREE
AFTERNOONS,

AS FROM TODAY.

BUT WHAT MMA RAMOTSWE
IS TOO POLITE TO TELL YOU

IS THAT FINDING A DOG
WOULD BE VERY EXPENSIVE.

BUT IT IS SURELY CHEAPER
THAN FINDING A HUMAN BEING?

YOU JUST HAVE TO STAND
IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

YOU CALL ITS NAME,
THEN IT COMES.

IF IT IS A HAPPY DOG,
PERHAPS.

BUT THIS DOG DEFINITELY
DOES NOT LOOK HAPPY.

MMA MAKUTSI
IS RIGHT AS ALWAYS.

WE WILL TAKE
YOUR CASE

AT THE FULL
UNHAPPY-DOG FEE.

( girl screaming )

NEVER DID I THINK

THE #1 LADIES'
DETECTIVE AGENCY

WOULD STOOP
SO LOW

AS TO SEARCH
FOR A DOG.

HE'S A CLIENT.

500 PULA A DAY
IS NOT TO BE SNEEZED AT.

I'M SNEEZING ALREADY.

YOU GO THIS WAY;
I'LL GO THAT.

( African music playing )

I'M SORRY,
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DOG?

BLACK HAIR, RED,
BLONDE.

( speaks Setswana )

- NO, NOT THIS ONE.
- OKAY.

MMA, HAVE YOU SEEN
A SMALL DOG--

THESE PEOPLE COULD
HELP YOU.

HE'S VERY LOW
TO THE GROUND.

HE LOOKS SOMEWHAT
LIKE A RAT.

- HEY.
- YES. YES.

IS EVERYONE JUST GOING TO
LOOK AT ME WITH A BLANK FACE?

HAVE YOU SEEN
A SMALL DOG?

MAY I HAVE A GLASS
OF WATER, PLEASE?

EE, MMA.

( crying )

MMA?

I COULDN'T HELP SEEING YOU
READING THAT LEAFLET.

I AM THE LADY DETECTIVE
IT REFERS TO.

DO-- DO YOU WANT
A TISSUE?

THANK YOU.

SIT DOWN.

I AM PETHA SIPHAMBE.

IT'S MY HUSBAND.

HE HAS BEEN MISSING FOR
THE LAST TWO WEEKS

AND I DO NOT KNOW
WHAT TO DO-- DON'T KNOW
WHO TO TURN TO FOR HELP.

YOU CAN TURN TO ME.

PLEASE, MMA.

TELL ME MORE.

HIS NAME IS PETER.

LAST YEAR HE JOINED
THIS NEW CHURCH GROUP.

I THINK THEY CALL
THEMSELVES APOSTOLICS.

DO YOU THINK THIS GROUP
HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH
HIM BEING MISSING?

EE.
HE DISAPPEARED
ON A SUNDAY

WHEN THEY HOLD THOSE
CRAZY CHURCH SERVICES.

MMM. DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS CHURCH GROUP IS CALLED?

NNYAA, MMA.
I'M A CATHOLIC.

HMM.

I'M SURE YOU
KNOW THIS, MMA,

BUT SOMETIMES WHEN
A MAN IS MISSING,

HE HAS FOUND INTEREST
IN ANOTHER WOMAN.

SO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE
HE HAS FOUND HIMSELF

A NICE YOUNG
APOSTOLIC LADY...

WITH BETTER
BLANKETS THAN ME?

- OH MY.
- IT IS A POSSIBILITY.

IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME.

YOU KNOW, I KNOW HE HAS
MANY WOMEN FRIENDS,

BUT WHEN HE
JOINED THIS GROUP,

HE PROMISED HE WOULD
TURN OVER A NEW LEAF.

DO YOU REALLY WANT
TO SOLVE THIS MYSTERY,

EVEN IF THE SOLUTION
MAKES YOU UNHAPPY?

WHAT DIFFERENCE
WOULD IT MAKE?

I'M UNHAPPY NOW.

( calls out )

HA!
GRACE MAKUTSI.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?
FROM COLLEGE!
VIOLET SEPOTHO.

EE, MMA.
I REMEMBER YOU.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I AM DOING WONDERFULLY,
AS A MATTER OF FACT.

THANK YOU
FOR ASKING.

I HAVE A GREAT
POSITION.

HIGH MARKS AREN'T
EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW,
GRACE?

I HAVE MY OWN
TECHNIQUES.

MY BOSS IS--
HE'S A GREAT MAN.

MMM. OH, HE BOUGHT ME
THIS BAG, AS A MATTER
OF FACT.

I GET ALL THE PERKS.

WHAT ABOUT YOURS?
WHAT'S HE LIKE?

MY BOSS IS ALL THAT
A BOSS SHOULD BE.

AS FOR MY JOB, I AM
THE SENIOR SECRETARY

IN A #1 DETECTIVE AGENCY.

REALLY?
( laughs )

IT'S JUST WHEN
I SAW YOU DOWN THERE,

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU
WERE WORKING FOR THE
DOG-CATCHERS' DEPARTMENT.

EXCUSE ME, I'M ON
A VERY IMPORTANT CASE.

( African music playing )

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WANT SOME MORE
LEAFLETS.

IT'S TOO LATE TOO
DELIVER LEAFLETS.

EVERYONE IS GOING HOME
AND SO SHOULD YOU.

PLEASE LET ME
DO SOMETHING.

NO.

- CLEAN UP?
- NO.

- TAKE OUT RUBBISH?
- NO.

PLEASE GO HOME.

WAIT!

( African music playing )

"BREAD AND BUNS CAN BE
BOUGHT AT THE BAKERY.

BRIGHT BERRIES ON BUSHES

BRING BEES AND BIRDS
TO THEIR BRANCHES.

BABIES BEHAVE BADLY

WHEN BUNDLED ABOUT

BY BIG BROTHERS."

32 SECONDS--

YOU ARE GETTING SLOWER,
NOT FASTER.

LET'S DO IT AGAIN.

PASSPORT PLEASE, MMA.

AHH, PASSPORT.

( chattering )

Mma Ramotswe:
I HAVE TO REPORT A SAD
LACK OF PROGRESS

IN THE CASE OF DR. KOMOTI.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

LOOK.

DR. KOMOTI BROUGHT IT
IN THIS MORNING

FOR A SMALL
ELECTRICAL REPAIR.

HIS LEFT-HAND
TAIL LIGHT.

DUMELA, RRE.

- DUMELA, RRE.
- DUMELA, MMA.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE I FOLLOWED
DR. KOMOTI LAST NIGHT

IN THIS STATION WAGON
TO THE BORDER.

AND NOW
A FEW HOURS LATER...

IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
THAT--

- HE RETURNED SO SOON.
- EXACTLY.

MAYBE HE WENT TO SEE
HIS WIFE AND KIDS.

THEN WHY NOT STAY
FOR THE WEEKEND?

WHAT EXPLAINS IT FULLY

IS THAT HE'S
SMUGGLING DRUGS.

- Both: DRUGS!
- YES, DRUGS.

A DENTIST HAS EASY
ACCESS TO SUCH THINGS.

AND-- AND IF HE'S
TAKING DRUGS AS WELL
AS SMUGGLING THEM--

THEN THAT EXPLAINS
THE UPSWINGING AND
THE DOWNSWINGING.

- EXACTLY. WE MUST
SEARCH THIS VEHICLE.
- FINDERS KEEPERS!

AY AY AY AY!

HMM.

NOTHING.

DRUG SMUGGLERS DON'T
LEAVE ANY TRACES.

- SHAME.
- THIS IS A VERY
MYSTERIOUS MAN.

THEN WE MUST READ
HIS CAR.

READ IT?

YOU CAN FIND OUT ALMOST
ANYTHING ABOUT A MAN

JUST BY READING
HIS CAR.

- REALLY?
- OH, YES.

I CAN FIND OUT MORE ABOUT
A MAN FROM HIS CAR IN A MINUTE

THAN I CAN FROM TALKING
TO HIM FOR AN HOUR.

LOOKING AT A MAN'S CAR
IS LIKE...

LOOKING AT
A MAN NAKED,

BUT MORE PLEASANT,
OF COURSE.

FOR INSTANCE...

THE MAKE-UP MIRROR STILL
HAS ITS PROTECTIVE COVER ON.

THIS MAN HAS NO WIFE
OR GIRLFRIEND.

NO SCUFFING ON
THE PASSENGER DOOR SILL.

THIS MAN HAS NO FRIENDS.

THIS CAR IS ALMOST
SEVEN YEARS OLD,

BUT STILL HE HAS
THE PLASTIC SEAT COVERS ON.

AH, BOSS, THIS MAN LIKES
PLASTIC COVERED SEATS.

NO, THERE'S NO WEAR AND TEAR
ON THE PASSENGER SEAT

AND NONE IN THE BACK--
HE'S A LONELY MAN.

PULL THE BONNET.

THE CLUTCH CABLE
IS UNWORN.

HE DOES NOT DRIVE LIKE
SO MANY PEOPLE DO,

IN "MAYBE THIRD"
OR "MAYBE FOURTH."

HE'S A DECISIVE MAN;
HE KNOWS HIS MIND.

BUT...

THE SPARE TIRE
IS WORN,

AND ONE TREAD ON
ALL THE OTHER TIRES.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN,
BOSS?

THAT MEANS HE
DRIVES A LOT.

EH, I KNEW THAT!

NO, IT MEANS
HE HAS A WEAKNESS.

HE'S A GREEDY MAN WHO
WON'T SPEND HIS MONEY

EVEN WITH HIS SAFETY AND
THE SAFETY OF OTHERS AT STAKE.

MY GUESS IS THIS IS
A MAN WHO WILL DO
ANYTHING FOR MONEY.

I THOUGHT I HAD NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.

NOW I SEE I HAVE DEADLY
SERIOUS WORK TO DO.

( choir singing
in Setswana )

( speaks Setswana )

- AY!
- AMEN!

( all chanting )

( priest vocalizing )

( speaks Setswana,
laughs )

EXCUSE ME, PASTOR?

BISHOP-- I AM
THE BISHOP OF THIS CHURCH.

OH, I AM SORRY,
YOUR GRACE.

WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER,
YOU KNOW.

YOU ARE NOT A MEMBER
OF OUR CHURCH

SO YOU WOULDN'T
KNOW MY TITLE.

UM, HAVE YOU COME
TO BE HEALED?

OH, NO, I'M IN VERY
GOOD HEALTH. THANK YOU.

- DO YOU MIND?
- PARTICULARLY MY TEETH.

BUT I DO
HAVE A QUESTION.

DOES THE NAME
PETER SIPHAMBE
MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

WHY DO YOU ASK?

BECAUSE HE
HAS DISAPPEARED,

AND THE ONLY CLUE
I'VE GOT

IS THAT HE BELONGED TO
AN APOSTOLIC CHURCH.

OH.

DO YOU THINK HE'S
GONE OFF WITH SOME YOUNG
FEMALE FELLOW CHRISTIANS?

WELL, SOMETIMES,
UNFORTUNATELY, MAN FALLS
PREY TO THE TEMPTATIONS

OF THE FLESH.

THAT IS ONE POSSIBILITY.

WELL, HE IS NOT
A MEMBER OF MY FLOCK.

THE APOSTOLIC CHURCH OF
THE HOLY SPIRIT

BELIEVES IN MARRIAGE
FOR LIFE.

BUT THERE ARE OTHER CHURCHES
THAT I COULD MENTION,

NAMING NO NAMES.

THE CHURCH OF THE HOLY
ARMY OF JERUSALEM--

THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE
TO ASK.

( all chanting )

KEEP ALIVE.

IT IS POSSIBLE THAT
IT IS NOT THE HUSBAND,

BUT THE WIFE WHO HAS
FOUND ROMANCE.

SHE COULD PUT POISON
IN THE HUSBAND'S FOOD.

AND WHEN HE DIED,
THE MAN SHE LOVES

WOULD HELP HER BURY
THE BODY DEEP IN THE GROUND

WHERE NO WILD ANIMALS
CAN FIND IT.

TELL ME,

DID HER HUSBAND HAVE
ANY LIFE INSURANCE?

I DON'T KNOW.

LIFE INSURANCE IS A VERY
IMPORTANT ELEMENT

- IN THESE CASES.
- MMM.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR YOUR TIME, FATHER ZADOK.

SALA SENTLE.

( choir chanting )

IN THE NAME
OF THE FATHER!

THE SON!

AND THE HOLY SPIRIT!

( laughs )

( chattering in Setswana )

HIS NAME IS
PETER SIPHAMBE.

PETER SIPHAMBE?

DO YOU KNOW HIM?

ARE YOU A POLICEMAN?

I THINK YOU MEAN
POLICEWOMAN.

YOU'RE A POLICEWOMAN?

NO, I'M
A PRIVATE DETECTIVE.

NOW PLEASE TELL ME
IF YOU KNOW WHERE
PETER SIPHAMBE IS.

HE'S GONE TO
A BETTER PLACE.

YOU MEAN HE'S DEAD?

NO...

HE'S ALIVE

IN A WAY THAT YOU AND I
CAN ONLY DREAM OF.

THE GOOD LORD
HAS TAKEN HIM.

HOW EXACTLY HAS
THE GOOD LORD TAKEN HIM?

YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME.

PLEASE JUST TELL ME
WHAT HAPPENED.

TWO WEEKS AGO, I WAS
BAPTIZING SINNERS.

THERE WERE SIX DEACONS
IN THE WATER HELPING
ON THAT DAY.

PETER SIPHAMBE WAS
ONE OF THEM.

I NURSED A YOUNG
LADY SINNER.

THEN I SAW TO MY AMAZEMENT

THAT THERE WERE ONLY FIVE
DEACONS IN THE WATER.

I COUNTED AGAIN,
BUT STILL ONLY FIVE.

PETER SIPHAMBE
COMPLETELY VANISHED.

VANISHED?

THE LORD HAS TAKEN HIM,
BODY AND SOUL.

BUT I MADE NO REPORTS
TO THE AUTHORITIES OF
THIS MIRACLE.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES IT'S
DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN THESE
THINGS TO NON-BELIEVERS.

HUH.

I CAN SEE THAT
MIGHT BE A PROBLEM.

RICHARD?

RICHARD?

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR FOOD,
HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO
GET STRONGER?

I NEED TO
EAT MEAT.

( sighs )

WHY CAN'T YOU EARN
ENOUGH TO BUY SOME?

I'M DOING MY BEST.

I CAN'T ASK TO
BE PAID JUST YET.

SHE CAN'T AFFORD IT.

WHY DON'T YOU SLEEP
ON THE BED?

YOU'LL BE MORE COMFORTABLE.

NOWHERE
IS COMFORTABLE.

DO YOU WANT THE TELEVISION?

NO.

COME,
TALK TO ME.

I MET A GIRL I KNEW
FROM SECRETARIAL COLLEGE.

SHE WAS ALL DRESSED UP.

SHE COULDN'T STOP
TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

IT MADE ME ANGRY THAT
A GIRL WHO SCORED 40%--

ON A RETAKE--
COULD DO SO WELL.

SO I WAS RUDE TO HER.

AND NOW I REGRET IT.

YOU WILL DO BETTER
THAN ALL OF THEM.

SHE IS HERE!

- DUMELA, MMA.
- DUMELA, MMA.

- PLEASE COME IN.
- THANK YOU.

- DUMELA, MMA.
- DUMELA, MMA.

HAVE YOU FOUND
MY HUSBAND?

NOT QUITE.

I HAVE FOUND HIS CHURCH
AND I SPOKE TO THE PASTOR.

AND WHAT DID
THE PASTOR SAY?

THIS IS
THE UNSATISFACTORY PART.

ACCORDING TO THE PASTOR,

YOUR HUSBAND WAS
TAKEN BY THE LORD,

BODY AND SOUL.

- I MUST SAY--
- DO YOU THINK I'M
A CRAZY WOMAN?

NO, MMA, I DON'T
THINK YOU'RE CRAZY.

I-- I AM AWARE THAT THIS IS
NOT SATISFACTORY INFORMATION.

AND THERE IS ANOTHER THING.

I FOUND THIS THIS MORNING
ON THE DOORSTEP.

THERE WASN'T A NOTE
OR ANYTHING.

THESE ARE MY HUSBAND'S.

IS EVERYTHING THERE?

NO UNDERPANTS.

AND HIS WATCH
IS MISSING.

AND NOW I SUPPOSE YOU'RE
GOING TO TELL ME

THAT SOME HEAVENLY LAUNDRY
SERVICE LEFT THESE HERE

AND THAT MY HUSBAND IS
ON SOME CLOUD SOMEWHERE

WITH NOTHING BUT HIS
UNDERPANTS AND A WATCH.

- NO, MMA.
- IT'S CLEAR TO ME WHAT'S
HAPPENED HERE, MMA RAMOTSWE.

MY HUSBAND HAS FALLEN INTO
THE ARMS OF ANOTHER WOMAN.

AND NOW HIS OLD CLOTHES ARE
NOT EVEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM,

EXCEPT FOR HIS
WATERPROOF GOLD WATCH.
NOW THAT'S GONE FOR GOOD!

- MMA?
- I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

CONSIDER THIS CASE CLOSED.

THAT IS NOT
A HAPPY WOMAN.

I'M NOT SURPRISED
THAT HUSBAND OF HERS
WENT SKIPPING OFF.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WANT MY TWO PULA--
SHE WAS A LEAFLET LADY.

HE'S RIGHT--
SHE WAS A LEAFLET LADY.

BUT SHE'S NOT
A SATISFIED CUSTOMER.

SHE WON'T PAY.

IT'S NOT HIS FAULT.

THAT IS TRUE.

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR
A LITTLE DENTAL SURVEILLANCE,

BUT THIS TIME I WILL BE
BETTER PREPARED.

( African music playing )

- OKAY, SIR?
- THANK YOU.

- THANK YOU.
- HAVE A NICE DAY.

I COME HERE EVERY DAY.
THERE'S NO NEED TO
SEARCH ME EVERY DAY.

IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU
ARE A DETECTIVE.

THAT'S BECAUSE I AM.

AHH, SO YOU ARE LIKE
MRS. MARPLE.

YOU ARE VERY WELL READ,

BUT PLEASE JUST DO ME
THE FAVOR OF STAMPING
MY PASSPORT.

I'M IN A SMALL HURRY
TODAY.

OKAY, DETECTIVE.

YOU CAN GO.

SEE YA.

- Woman: GET OUT!
- Dr. Komoti: PUT YOUR
ARMS DOWN.

PUT YOUR ARMS DOWN!

- ( woman protesting )
- RELAX.

- NOW PLEASE...
- ( woman talking, garbled )

I CANNOT GET TO
THIS TOOTH!

AHHH!

PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN!

AHH!

IDIOT.

SO BOTH TWINS ARE DENTISTS.
WHAT'S SO STRANGE ABOUT THAT?

IT'S QUITE USUAL FOR TWINS
TO BE DOING THE SAME THING,

EVEN WHEN THEY ARE
SEPARATED AT BIRTH.

TWINS GROW UP,
THEY MEET,

AND BEHOLD, THEY'RE BOTH
DRIVING CHEVROLETS AND
MARRIED TO BLONDES.

HMMM!

HEY, I ONCE MET THIS
PAIR OF TWINS

WHO JUST BOTH HAPPENED
TO HAVE HAD

THE SAME TATTOO ON
THEIR... ( whistles ).

OH, B.K.

YOU ARE CONFUSING
MY THOUGHTS.

A SERIOUS CRIME
HAS BEEN COMMITTED.

I THINK I KNOW
WHAT IT IS.

MY PROBLEM IS
HOW TO PROVE IT.

MMA RAMOTSWE,
COME AT ONCE!

IS THIS HORRIBLE LITTLE
OBJECT REALLY LUCKY?

READ THE COLLAR.

AHH, SO IT IS!

THAT IS ADORABLE.

I FOUND HIM.

GIVE HIM FIVE PULA.

NO, 10 PULA!

- 10 PULA!
- THIS IS NOT A BANK.

( laughing )

YOU ARE A CLEVER YOUNG MAN
TO HAVE FOUND HIM.

- WHERE WAS HE?
- I FOUND HIM EATING FROM
A DUSTBIN.

HE WAS LOST
AND HUNGRY.

DID YOU HEAR
WHAT HE SAID?

HE WAS LOST
AND HUNGRY!

I THINK I KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED TO PETER SIPHAMBE.

GIVE HIM 11 PULA.
HE'S EARNED IT!

GOOD JOB, WELLINGTON.

YOU MAY GO.

GET ME THE NUMBER FOR
THE UNIVERSITY OF LAGOS
RECORDS DEPARTMENT.

AND MAKE A FINAL APPOINTMENT
WITH DR. KOMOTI.

IT IS TIME TO TAKE REVENGE
ON DENTISTS.

( exploding )

THIS WAS MY DADDY'S RIFLE.

HE BELIEVED A DAUGHTER
SHOULD LEARN EVERYTHING

A SON WOULD LEARN.

I AM SO GRATEFUL
FOR THAT NOW.

- BUT WHAT EXACTLY--
- ARE YOU READY?

READY.

THIS IS WHERE
WE GET OUT.

IS THIS WHERE
PETER SIPHAMBE DISAPPEARED?

THIS IS THE PLACE.

OH, I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING
TO SHOOT THE DENTIST.

HA!
THAT'S A THOUGHT.

- THE DOG.
- THE DOG?

THE DOG.

COME ON. HE'S GOING
TO DO SOMETHING USEFUL
FOR A CHANGE.

( birds squawking )

( crickets chirping )

( water splashing )

( whimpers )

( barking )

( whimpering )

MMA MAKUTSI.

( yipping )

( growling )

( dog whimpers )

THANK YOU, DADDY!

( dog whimpers )

HOW DO WE KNOW
THAT IT'S DEAD?

IT'S NOT MOVING.

- LET'S GO THEN.
- NO NO, NOT YET.

WE HAVE TO GET
THE EVIDENCE.

( sighs )

( knife plunging )

OH!

OH!
WHAT IS THAT?

ROCKS.

A BICYCLE PUMP,

MADE IN BOTSWANA.

AHH!
AND IT STILL WORKS.

A WATERPROOF
GOLD WATCH.

ONE REPTILE DOWN

AND ONE TO GO!

Rre Matekoni:
WHY DO YOU NOT SIMPLY
REPORT THIS MAN

TO THE MEDICAL AUTHORITIES?

BECAUSE THEN THEY
WILL DISBAR HIM--
DEFR-- DEFRAUD--

WHATEVER IT IS THEY DO
TO DENTISTS.

THAT WOULD CREATE
A SCANDAL.

I DON'T THINK IT'S
RIGHT TO MAKE PEOPLE MORE
TERRIFIED OF DENTISTS

THAN THEY ARE ALREADY.

I'M NOT HAPPY PRETENDING
TO BE SOMETHING THAT I'M NOT.

I'M NOT HAPPY PRETENDING
TO BE SOMETHING I DON'T
WANT TO BE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.
JUST STAND THERE

AND LOOK MENACING.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

ARE YOU MENACED?

NNYAA, MMA.
IT WON'T WORK.

HE LOOKS LIKE
A MOTOR MECHANIC

- AND HE LOOKS LIKE A--
- LIKE A WHAT?

--A HAIRDRESSER.

SHE WAS GOING TO
SAY SOMETHING ELSE.

I WAS NOT! I WAS GOING
TO SAY A BEAUTICIAN.

I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT YOU
ARE A SOMETHING ELSE.

OH, SO THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG
ABOUT BEING A SOMETHING ELSE?

I DIDN'T SAY THAT YOU ARE
A SOMETHING ELSE.

AND IF YOU ARE
A SOMETHING ELSE,

- THEN I'M NOT CRITICIZING--
- YOU KNOW WHAT, SWEETIE?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF YOU'RE IN A HOLE,
STOP DIGGING.

- I AM NOT IN A HOLE!
- YOU ARE IN A HOLE.

PLEASE! LET'S STOP FIGHTING
ABOUT THIS!

UH, BOSS.
UH, BOSS.

YOU LOOK LIKE
A SCARY BOSS.

A STRONG
SCARY BOSS.

WELL?

ARE YOU FILLED
WITH FEAR?

EE, MMA,
TO THE RIM.

NOW ALL WE NEED
IS A CAR.

COME.
COME HERE.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
COME COME.

( all chattering )

IT'S GOOD.

NURSE, PLEASE
CLEAN UP.

SOME MEN BEHAVE WORSE THAN
LITTLE CHILDREN, YOU KNOW?

HA! IT WAS A PERFECTLY
SIMPLE EXTRACTION.

"MMA THATHANA."

WE'VE MET BEFORE,
I THINK.

I WAS HERE LAST WEEK.

AH, YES,
OF COURSE.

LET ME CHECK
MY NOTES.

I BROUGHT
MY NIECE, ELIZABETH.

AH, YES,
ELIZABETH--

LIKE THE QUEEN.

I REMEMBER HER WELL.
SWEET LITTLE GIRL.

MY NIECE'S NAME
IS PORTIA.

SHE'S 32

AND SHE LIVES
IN KWENENG.

YOU DIDN'T SEE ME
LAST WEEK

BECAUSE YOU
WEREN'T HERE.

I SAW YOUR BROTHER,

THE REAL DR. KOMOTI.

THE ONLY TIME
YOU'VE SEEN ME

WAS WHEN YOU AND
YOUR TWIN BROTHER

CHASED ME DOWN
THE ROAD IN MAFEKING.

AH, YES,
THE FAT BURGLAR.

WELL, IT'S NOT TOO LATE
FOR ME TO CALL THE POLICE.

FUNNY YOU
SHOULD SAY THAT.

TAKE A LOOK OUT
OF THE WINDOW.

- WHO ARE THEY?
- POLICEMEN.

THEY DON'T LOOK
LIKE POLICEMEN.

THEY'RE UNDERCOVER
POLICEMEN.

THAT IS WHAT UNDERCOVER
POLICEMEN LOOK LIKE.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

LET'S INVITE THEM IN.

WAIT!

VERY WISE,
MISTER KOMOTI.

HMM.

I THINK THERE IS A WAY
TO SETTLE THIS

BETWEEN US.

( chattering )

UH, EXCUSE ME.

PICK IT UP.

I SAID PICK IT UP.

HEY!

DETECTIVE INSPECTOR ZOLANI.

TLA KWANO.
TLA KWANO.

YOU SEE MY FRIEND HERE?

HE HAS GOT A REPUTATION
FOR UNLIMITED BRUTALITY.

SO PICK IT UP.
PICK IT UP.

( speaks Setswana )

- THANK YOU, DETECTIVE SERGEANT.
- PLEASURE.

YOU AND YOUR BROTHER
ARE RUNNING TWO
DENTAL PRACTICES

FOR THE PRICE
OF ONE DEGREE.

OUR BOTSWANA AUTHORITIES
TAKE A VERY SERIOUS VIEW

OF MEDICAL FRAUD.

SO YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU MUST LEAVE AND
NEVER COME BACK.

THEN THE GOOD PEOPLE
OF BOTSWANA

CAN ENJOY A QUALIFIED
AND STABLE DENTIST
AT THIS ADDRESS.

SIGN.

IT'S A PLEASURE,
MR. KOMOTI,

TO SEE YOU SUFFER
IN THAT CHAIR

AFTER ALL THE PAIN
YOU'VE CAUSED.

I STILL DON'T BELIEVE
THEY ARE POLICEMEN.

HEY, YOU GUYS!
THIS FAT WOMAN TELLS ME
YOU ARE COPPERS.

SHOW ME
YOUR BADGES!

- DID YOU SAY "FAT WOMAN"?
- WHAT IF I DID?

OH, FORGET IT!

SPREAD THEM!

I'LL MAKE IT
EASY FOR YOU.

EITHER CROSS THE BORDER
RIGHT NOW,

OR TAKE A RIDE WITH US
BACK TO THE POLICE STATION

FOR SOME FIST SANDWICH
AND SOME JAIL PIE!

UH-HUH. AND I WILL ENJOY--
I MEAN, YOU WILL ENJOY IT.

B.K.:
OOH. I NEED SOME MUSIC
TO CALM ME DOWN.

HAVE YOU GOT SOME
LUTHER VANDROSS IN THIS CAR?

- LUTH WHO?
- LUTHER VANDROSS.

NO NO NO NO NO.
POLICE OFFICERS WOULDN'T
LISTEN TO LUTHER VANDROSS.

THEY'D LISTEN TO SOMETHING
WITH MORE--

WITH MORE--
MORE POWER,

LIKE BON JOVI
OR MEATLOAF,

- OR...
- YEAH, MEATLOAF.

I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT
PROMISE FOR ONE MOMENT.

MMM,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I TOOK THE PRECAUTION
OF CALLING MY FRIEND

BILLY PILANI OF
THE SOUTH AFRICAN POLICE.

DR. AND MR. KOMOTI WILL
RECEIVE A...

LESS-THAN-WARM WELCOME
WHEN THEY ARRIVE

AT THE SOUTH AFRICAN BORDER.

- ( all aruging )
- I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T
WANT A SCANDAL.

I DON'T...
IN BOTSWANA.

NOW COME ON...

YOU WERE PRETTY CONVINCING
OUT THERE, MR. J.L.B.

THANK YOU.

YOU WEREN'T SO BAD
YOURSELF.

FOR A SOMETHING ELSE?

( laughs )

IS THIS YOUR
HUSBAND'S WATCH?

I GAVE THIS TO HIM ON
OUR FIFTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

I'M SORRY I DOUBTED YOU.

I HAVE BROUGHT YOUR FEE.

IT'S 200 PULA
A DAY, I THINK?

THAT IS CORRECT.

YOU MUST BE VERY SAD
TO HAVE LOST YOUR HUSBAND.

I'M A LITTLE BIT SAD,

BUT I WOULD RATHER HIS WATCH
BE IN THE STOMACH OF A CROCODILE

THAN TELLING TIME FOR
SOME YOUNG WOMAN.

CAN WE AFFORD THIS?

I INTEND TO DO
WHAT'S RIGHT.

BESIDES, WE SOLVED
THREE CASES,

THOUGH THERE WILL BE NO
PAYMENT FOR THE DENTIST CASE.

NOT QUITE.
JINGER-MAY SAYS

THAT ONCE SHE
HAS QUALIFIED,

SHE'LL DO YOUR TEETH
COMPLETELY FREE OF CHARGE

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

THAT'S VERY
GENEROUS OF HER.

LET ME DRIVE YOU HOME.

NO.

THANK YOU, MMA.
I'LL BE QUITE FINE.

LET ME.

IT'S THE LEAST
I CAN DO.

- IS THAT YOUR HOUSE?
- EE, MMA.
JUST THERE.

MMM.

IT IS A VERY PECULIAR
THING FOR HER TO SAY--

BEING HAPPY THAT THE WATCH
WAS IN THE CROCODILE,

NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND'S
POCKET.

MMM.

I KNOW WHAT SHE MEANT.

I SUSPECT HER HUSBAND WAS
ALWAYS A LADIES' MAN.

IT'S PAINFUL KNOWING
THE MAN YOU LOVE

WAS BEING UNFAITHFUL.

NOW THAT PAIN IS GONE.

DOES IT GO?
REALLY?

PERHAPS NOT COMPLETELY.

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING
THAT REMAINS.

BUT TIME IS
A GREAT HEALER.

NOT ALWAYS.

THANK YOU, MMA.

( door opens,
closes )

YOU ARE LATE.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I'VE BEEN WORKING.

I'M GOING TO COOK SOMETHING
SPECIAL FOR YOU TOMORROW,

SESWAA AND MAGWINYA.

HOW CAN WE
AFFORD IT?

WE HAD A LITTLE BIT OF
A BIG BONANZA TODAY.

( trumpet playing )

Mma Ramotswe:
WHEN I FIRST HEARD
THIS TRUMPET,

I MADE NO DISTINCTION

BETWEEN THE MUSIC
AND THE MAN.

THIS MISTAKE WAS TO CAUSE ME
MUCH UNHAPPINESS.

I HAVE LEARNED MANY THINGS
SINCE THEN--

HOW TO STAND UP
FOR MYSELF

AND HOW TO LIVE WITH
PAINFUL MEMORIES.

WELL, ALMOST.

MY DADDY SAID THAT EVEN THOUGH
I HAD MARRIED A BAD MAN,

I WOULD ONE DAY
FIND A GOOD ONE.

( stops record )

HE NEVER DOUBTED IT.

PERHAPS LIKE ALL THINGS
IN BOTSWANA,

IT WILL JUST
TAKE A LITTLE TIME.

( theme music playing )