Original subtitles

( woman vocalizing )

( theme music playing )

Mma Ramotswe: IN THIS BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY OF BOTSWANA,

WE BELIEVE OUR ANCESTORS WATCH OVER US.

WE BELIEVE THAT IF WE STRIVE TO MAKE THEM PROUD,

THEN THEY WILL HELP AND PROTECT US.

UNFORTUNATELY, OUR ANCESTORS ARE NOT VERY HELPFUL

IN BALANCING THE ACCOUNTS, ACCORDING TO MY SECRETARY,

MMA MAKUTSI.

IT IS ONE YEAR SINCE MY DADDY PASSED AWAY,

AND 62 DAYS SINCE I OPENED MY DOOR

TO THE LOST AND THE FRIGHTENED.

I REMAIN DETERMINED TO HELP THEM

AND TO FIGHT FOR JUSTICE.

AS FOR THE ACCOUNTS,

EVERY DAY WITHOUT RAIN BRINGS THE RAIN ONE DAY CLOSER.

Woman: "#1 LADIES' DETECTIVE AGENCY"?

ARE YOU A DETECTIVE, MMA?

NO WAY.

NOT EXACTLY A DETECTIVE.

Man: EE, MMA, DO YOU CARRY A GUN WITH YOU?

- ( all laughing ) - THERE IS NO NEED.

DETECTIVE WORK IS NOT ALL BANG BANG BANG, LIKE IN THE MOVIES.

Man: HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!

PA PA!

( makes gunfire sounds )

AHH!

- DUMELA, DARLING LADY. - DUMELA, RRE.

- DID YOU SLEEP WELL? - A GOOD DETECTIVE NEVER SLEEPS,

UNLESS OF COURSE SHE'S ASLEEP.

I'M LATE.

IS THERE ANY POST?

EE, MMA, ALL SAYING THE SAME THING.

"DEAR SIR, YOUR PAYMENT IS OVERDUE."

I PICKED UP THE LEAFLETS FROM THE PRINTER'S.

200 PULA-- 30 DAYS TO PAY.

OH, THEY LOOK GOOD.

YOU DID A FINE JOB.

"BOTSWANA'S ONLY ACCREDITED EXPERT."

LET'S JUST HOPE IT DOES THE TRICK.

THANK YOU.

OH, MMA, I NEED A DENTAL APPOINTMENT.

HAVE YOU GOT A TOOTHACHE?

- NO. - BUT YOU HATE DENTISTS.

PLEASE JUST MAKE THE APPOINTMENT.

"DR. KOMOTI."

WHAT KIND OF NAME IS KOMOTI?

I BELIEVE HE'S A NIGERIAN.

YOU WANT TO GO TO A NIGERIAN DENTIST?

LET US NOT BE PREJUDICED.

BUT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A TOOTHACHE.

THIS KOMOTI COULD-- COULD MAKE YOU UNCONSCIOUS

WITH HIS ANESTHETIC AND--

AND THEN HE COULD...

HE COULD WHAT?

...STEAL THE MONEY FROM YOUR HANDBAG.

( sighs )

PLEASE, IT'S JUST A CHECKUP,

THAT IS ALL.

MAKE THE APPOINTMENT IN THE NAME OF MMA THATHANA

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

AHH! NOW I UNDERSTAND.

THIS IS A PROFESSIONAL ASSIGNMENT.

I AM DOING A FAVOR FOR A FRIEND.

OH.

MMM.

I SEE.

I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH...

DR. KOMOTI.

IT IS FOR MY EMPLOYER,

MMA-- MMA THATHANA.

"WHEN HE IS FORCED TO CONFRONT THE THING

THAT MOST STRIKES TERROR INTO HIS HEART,

THE GOOD INVESTIGATOR

GRITS HIS TEETH AND ADDRESSES HIS TASKS

WITH A COOL AND COURAGEOUS HAND."

SHE'LL BE THERE.

I HAVE MADE THE APPOINTMENT.

EXCELLENT.

IT IS IN ONE HOUR.

TODAY?

YOU SAID AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

AND TODAY IS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

CALL STRAIGHT BACK AND MAKE IT TOMORROW.

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TOMORROW.

HELLO.

YES? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WANT A JOB.

WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE A JOB. GO AWAY.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO LOW.

I AM TALL FOR MY AGE.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

I AM TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO THIS ANNOYING LITTLE BOY

THAT WE HAVE NO JOB TO GIVE HIM.

PLEASE, MMA, I'D BE VERY GOOD FOR YOU.

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN,

WE HAVE 200 PULAS' WORTH OF LEAFLETS

PILED UP AS IDLE AS BRICKS.

WHO IS TO PUT THEM INTO PEOPLE'S HANDS

AND THROUGH THE GATES?

HE WILL PROBABLY JUST THROW THEM AWAY.

I WON'T. I'LL PUT THEM INTO PEOPLE'S HANDS

AND THROUGH THE GATES.

WE SHOULD GIVE HIM A CHANCE.

WE SHOULD GIVE THE JOB TO SOMEONE WHO IS OLD ENOUGH

TO READ WHAT HE IS HANDING OUT.

I CAN READ.

COME INTO MY OFFICE, YOUNG MAN.

"THE #1 LADIES'...

DEFECTIVE AGENCY."

NEARLY.

"IS THERE SOMEONE

THAT YOU KNOW

AND LOVE

WHO HAS MYSTER--"

MYSTERIOUSLY.

"--MYSTERIOUSLY--"

VANISHED.

"--VANISHED?

BRING THIS LEAFLET--"

Both: "--WITH YOU

FOR YOUR FR--

FREE DISCOUNT."

VERY GOOD.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

( whispering ) WELLINGTON.

HA, WELLINGTON.

I WILL GIVE YOU A TRIAL.

- YES! - ( laughs )

HERE IS ONE BUNDLE FOR YOU TO HAND OUT.

I WILL GIVE YOU TWO PULA NOW

AND ANOTHER TWO FOR EVERY CLIENT WHO COMES IN WITH A LEAFLET.

MMA MAKUTSI?

THANK YOU, MMA.

MMM. OFF YOU GO.

I STILL THINK HE WILL THROW THEM AWAY.

Wellington: NO, HE WON'T!

( chuckles )

( man whistling )

( whistling )

AY AY AY AY AY!

( speaking Setswana )

CHARLIE, WOULD YOU NOT DRIVE THE CUSTOMERS' CARS

AS THOUGH WE ARE OUT ON THE RACETRACK?

BUT BOSS, WE ARE SPEEDY MOTORS.

WE ARE ONLY DOING WHAT IT SAYS ON THE BOARD.

- EXACTLY. - WE ARE CALLED SPEEDY MOTORS

BECAUSE OUR WORK IS SPEEDY, NOT BECAUSE WE SUPE UP THE CUSTOMERS' CARS.

- I'M SORRY, MMA. - IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M VERY SORRY. I DON'T MEAN TO CAUSE AN INCONVENIENCE.

THANK YOU FOR THIS FAVOR. JINGER-MAY HAS BEEN SO WORRIED.

PLEASE DON'T GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT.

I'M HAPPY TO HELP.

I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU IN ANY DANGER.

RRE MATEKONI, HE'S JUST A DENTIST.

WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Dr. Komoti: JUST STAY AWAY FROM THOSE SWEETS, YOUNG LADY,

AND YOU'LL NEVER NEED TO LOOK AT THAT NASTY DRILL EVER AGAIN.

OKAY?

GOODBYE, MRS. MOJE.

- YOU CAN GO FIRST, MMA. - THANK YOU.

WHO IS NEXT?

MRS. BOTENKE.

AH, MRS. BOTENKE, HOW ARE YOU?

I'M ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

DID DR. KOMOTI DO THAT?

NO, SHE WAS IN A BAD CAR CRASH.

I AM JINGER-MAY. WE'VE GOT TO BE QUICK.

THAT LADY'S ONLY COLLECTING HER NEW TEETH.

YOUR UNCLE, RRE MATEKONI,

TOLD ME THAT YOU HAD SOME CONCERNS.

BIG CONCERNS.

THERE IS NO GREATER PUBLIC DANGER

THAN A DENTIST WHO IS HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

I SINCERELY AGREE WITH THAT.

BUT WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE'S HAVING ONE?

WHEN HE'S ON AN UPSWING, HE'S A VERY GOOD DENTIST.

BUT WHEN HE'S ON A DOWNSWING,

HE MAKES MISTAKES.

WE'VE HAD INFECTED IMPLANTS,

A ROOT FILLING THAT WENT SIDEWAYS INTO A PATIENT'S GUM

AND AN ABSCESSED MOLAR THAT EXPLODED.

I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I AM STUDYING TO QUALIFY AS A DENTIST MYSELF.

DON'T THE PATIENTS COMPLAIN?

NO, THE PATIENTS ARE TOO AFRAID OF DENTISTS TO COMPLAIN.

- ( doctor chattering ) - QUICKLY,

IS DR. KOMOTI ON AN UPSWING OR A DOWNSWING TODAY?

IT'S IMPORTANT.

- ( door opens ) - OKAY?

BYE NOW.

THANK YOU AGAIN, MMA.

WILL YOU COME IN, PLEASE?

LIE DOWN.

DO YOU HAVE ANY DISCOMFORT?

- NO. - PAIN OF ANY KIND?

NO. NO PAIN AT ALL.

I JUST WANT A CHECKUP, NOTHING MORE.

I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK, SHALL WE?

OPEN WIDE.

AHH.

( garbled speech )

GOOD-- CLEANING IS EXCELLENT.

HEALTHY GUMS, NO BLEEDING.

AHH, THERE'S A TINY CHIP IN THE ENAMEL THERE.

YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A LITTLE ROUGHNESS AGAINST THE TONGUE.

IT WILL ONLY TAKE A MOMENT.

( Mma Ramotswe protesting )

WHAT SHALL I WRITE IN THE ACCOUNT BOOK?

NOTHING. HE SEEMED LIKE A PERFECTLY NORMAL DENTIST.

QUITE GOOD, IN FACT.

BUT THAT WAS AN UPSWING DAY.

I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD SEE HIM AGAIN

TO FIND OUT WHAT HE IS LIKE

- ON A DOWNSWING DAY. - OH, NO, THANK YOU.

OH, MAYBE YOU COULD PUT DR. KOMOTI UNDER SURVEILLANCE.

YOU MEAN SHADOW HIM?

- MMM. - YES.

IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE.

MMA RAMOTSWE, WE HAVE A CLIENT!

( both speak Setswana )

I'M LOOKING FOR MMA RAMOTSWE, THE DETECTIVE.

I AM MMA RAMOTSWE.

MY CARD, MMA.

AHEM-- "BANDA TELEPHONE SMART SUPPLIES."

AHH, I THINK WE GOT OUR OWN TELEPHONE FROM YOUR SHOP.

ISN'T THAT SO, MMA MAKUTSI?

WE ACQUIRED ALL OUR COMMUNICATIONS APPARATUS FROM SMART SUPPLIES.

MMA MAKUTSI GRADUATED FROM THE BOTSWANA SECRETARIAL COLLEGE.

97%.

EE. THAT'S HIGH, MMA.

IT IS THE HIGHEST IN THE HISTORY OF THE COLLEGE.

RRE BANDA,

WOULD YOU CARE TO COME INTO MY OFFICE?

OH, PLEASURE PLEASURE.

( mutters )

I WANT YOU TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PHOTO.

YES.

- IS THIS YOUR WIFE? - YES, EXACTLY-- MY WIFE.

MMM. IS SHE MISSING?

NO NO NO NO, SHE'S NOT MISSING.

SHE'S AT HOME, AS LARGE AS LIFE,

IF NOT LARGER.

MMA, I WANT YOU TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK--

EH, THE PHOTO CLOSE.

YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S STANDING NEXT TO?

THERE-- YOU SEE?

IT'S A DOG.

- A DOG? - YES, A DOG.

SO THE DOG IS MISSING?

YES.

OH, THE NAME OF THE DOG IS LUCKY.

AHH.

I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU, RRE BANDA,

BUT I AM NOT A DOG CATCHER.

PLEASE, MY SITUATION IS DESPERATE.

YOU SEE,

I TOOK LUCKY TO THE POOCH PARLOR

THERE IN THE AFRICAN MALL.

MY ATTENTION WAS DISTRACTED,

JUST ONLY ONE MINUTE.

EH-- IT WAS GONE.

AND YOU SEE, MY WIFE IS BESIDE HERSELF.

I'D-- I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION FOR YOU, RRE BANDA.

BUT UNFORTUNATELY, MY DIARY IS FULL.

NOT TOTALLY FULL!

OH, LORD.

WE ARE STILL WAITING FOR THE DOCUMENTS IN THE DIAMOND-SMUGGLING CASE,

WHICH MEANS THAT WE HAVE-- JUST A MOMENT--

MMM, THREE FREE AFTERNOONS,

AS FROM TODAY.

BUT WHAT MMA RAMOTSWE IS TOO POLITE TO TELL YOU

IS THAT FINDING A DOG WOULD BE VERY EXPENSIVE.

BUT IT IS SURELY CHEAPER THAN FINDING A HUMAN BEING?

YOU JUST HAVE TO STAND IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

YOU CALL ITS NAME, THEN IT COMES.

IF IT IS A HAPPY DOG, PERHAPS.

BUT THIS DOG DEFINITELY DOES NOT LOOK HAPPY.

MMA MAKUTSI IS RIGHT AS ALWAYS.

WE WILL TAKE YOUR CASE

AT THE FULL UNHAPPY-DOG FEE.

( girl screaming )

NEVER DID I THINK

THE #1 LADIES' DETECTIVE AGENCY

WOULD STOOP SO LOW

AS TO SEARCH FOR A DOG.

HE'S A CLIENT.

500 PULA A DAY IS NOT TO BE SNEEZED AT.

I'M SNEEZING ALREADY.

YOU GO THIS WAY; I'LL GO THAT.

( African music playing )

I'M SORRY, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DOG?

BLACK HAIR, RED, BLONDE.

( speaks Setswana )

- NO, NOT THIS ONE. - OKAY.

MMA, HAVE YOU SEEN A SMALL DOG--

THESE PEOPLE COULD HELP YOU.

HE'S VERY LOW TO THE GROUND.

HE LOOKS SOMEWHAT LIKE A RAT.

- HEY. - YES. YES.

IS EVERYONE JUST GOING TO LOOK AT ME WITH A BLANK FACE?

HAVE YOU SEEN A SMALL DOG?

MAY I HAVE A GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE?

EE, MMA.

( crying )

MMA?

I COULDN'T HELP SEEING YOU READING THAT LEAFLET.

I AM THE LADY DETECTIVE IT REFERS TO.

DO-- DO YOU WANT A TISSUE?

THANK YOU.

SIT DOWN.

I AM PETHA SIPHAMBE.

IT'S MY HUSBAND.

HE HAS BEEN MISSING FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS

AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO-- DON'T KNOW WHO TO TURN TO FOR HELP.

YOU CAN TURN TO ME.

PLEASE, MMA.

TELL ME MORE.

HIS NAME IS PETER.

LAST YEAR HE JOINED THIS NEW CHURCH GROUP.

I THINK THEY CALL THEMSELVES APOSTOLICS.

DO YOU THINK THIS GROUP HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIM BEING MISSING?

EE. HE DISAPPEARED ON A SUNDAY

WHEN THEY HOLD THOSE CRAZY CHURCH SERVICES.

MMM. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS CHURCH GROUP IS CALLED?

NNYAA, MMA. I'M A CATHOLIC.

HMM.

I'M SURE YOU KNOW THIS, MMA,

BUT SOMETIMES WHEN A MAN IS MISSING,

HE HAS FOUND INTEREST IN ANOTHER WOMAN.

SO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE HE HAS FOUND HIMSELF

A NICE YOUNG APOSTOLIC LADY...

WITH BETTER BLANKETS THAN ME?

- OH MY. - IT IS A POSSIBILITY.

IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME.

YOU KNOW, I KNOW HE HAS MANY WOMEN FRIENDS,

BUT WHEN HE JOINED THIS GROUP,

HE PROMISED HE WOULD TURN OVER A NEW LEAF.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SOLVE THIS MYSTERY,

EVEN IF THE SOLUTION MAKES YOU UNHAPPY?

WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD IT MAKE?

I'M UNHAPPY NOW.

( calls out )

HA! GRACE MAKUTSI.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME? FROM COLLEGE! VIOLET SEPOTHO.

EE, MMA. I REMEMBER YOU.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I AM DOING WONDERFULLY, AS A MATTER OF FACT.

THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

I HAVE A GREAT POSITION.

HIGH MARKS AREN'T EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW, GRACE?

I HAVE MY OWN TECHNIQUES.

MY BOSS IS-- HE'S A GREAT MAN.

MMM. OH, HE BOUGHT ME THIS BAG, AS A MATTER OF FACT.

I GET ALL THE PERKS.

WHAT ABOUT YOURS? WHAT'S HE LIKE?

MY BOSS IS ALL THAT A BOSS SHOULD BE.

AS FOR MY JOB, I AM THE SENIOR SECRETARY

IN A #1 DETECTIVE AGENCY.

REALLY? ( laughs )

IT'S JUST WHEN I SAW YOU DOWN THERE,

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WERE WORKING FOR THE DOG-CATCHERS' DEPARTMENT.

EXCUSE ME, I'M ON A VERY IMPORTANT CASE.

( African music playing )

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WANT SOME MORE LEAFLETS.

IT'S TOO LATE TOO DELIVER LEAFLETS.

EVERYONE IS GOING HOME AND SO SHOULD YOU.

PLEASE LET ME DO SOMETHING.

NO.

- CLEAN UP? - NO.

- TAKE OUT RUBBISH? - NO.

PLEASE GO HOME.

WAIT!

( African music playing )

"BREAD AND BUNS CAN BE BOUGHT AT THE BAKERY.

BRIGHT BERRIES ON BUSHES

BRING BEES AND BIRDS TO THEIR BRANCHES.

BABIES BEHAVE BADLY

WHEN BUNDLED ABOUT

BY BIG BROTHERS."

32 SECONDS--

YOU ARE GETTING SLOWER, NOT FASTER.

LET'S DO IT AGAIN.

PASSPORT PLEASE, MMA.

AHH, PASSPORT.

( chattering )

Mma Ramotswe: I HAVE TO REPORT A SAD LACK OF PROGRESS

IN THE CASE OF DR. KOMOTI.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

LOOK.

DR. KOMOTI BROUGHT IT IN THIS MORNING

FOR A SMALL ELECTRICAL REPAIR.

HIS LEFT-HAND TAIL LIGHT.

DUMELA, RRE.

- DUMELA, RRE. - DUMELA, MMA.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE I FOLLOWED DR. KOMOTI LAST NIGHT

IN THIS STATION WAGON TO THE BORDER.

AND NOW A FEW HOURS LATER...

IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE THAT--

- HE RETURNED SO SOON. - EXACTLY.

MAYBE HE WENT TO SEE HIS WIFE AND KIDS.

THEN WHY NOT STAY FOR THE WEEKEND?

WHAT EXPLAINS IT FULLY

IS THAT HE'S SMUGGLING DRUGS.

- Both: DRUGS! - YES, DRUGS.

A DENTIST HAS EASY ACCESS TO SUCH THINGS.

AND-- AND IF HE'S TAKING DRUGS AS WELL AS SMUGGLING THEM--

THEN THAT EXPLAINS THE UPSWINGING AND THE DOWNSWINGING.

- EXACTLY. WE MUST SEARCH THIS VEHICLE. - FINDERS KEEPERS!

AY AY AY AY!

HMM.

NOTHING.

DRUG SMUGGLERS DON'T LEAVE ANY TRACES.

- SHAME. - THIS IS A VERY MYSTERIOUS MAN.

THEN WE MUST READ HIS CAR.

READ IT?

YOU CAN FIND OUT ALMOST ANYTHING ABOUT A MAN

JUST BY READING HIS CAR.

- REALLY? - OH, YES.

I CAN FIND OUT MORE ABOUT A MAN FROM HIS CAR IN A MINUTE

THAN I CAN FROM TALKING TO HIM FOR AN HOUR.

LOOKING AT A MAN'S CAR IS LIKE...

LOOKING AT A MAN NAKED,

BUT MORE PLEASANT, OF COURSE.

FOR INSTANCE...

THE MAKE-UP MIRROR STILL HAS ITS PROTECTIVE COVER ON.

THIS MAN HAS NO WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND.

NO SCUFFING ON THE PASSENGER DOOR SILL.

THIS MAN HAS NO FRIENDS.

THIS CAR IS ALMOST SEVEN YEARS OLD,

BUT STILL HE HAS THE PLASTIC SEAT COVERS ON.

AH, BOSS, THIS MAN LIKES PLASTIC COVERED SEATS.

NO, THERE'S NO WEAR AND TEAR ON THE PASSENGER SEAT

AND NONE IN THE BACK-- HE'S A LONELY MAN.

PULL THE BONNET.

THE CLUTCH CABLE IS UNWORN.

HE DOES NOT DRIVE LIKE SO MANY PEOPLE DO,

IN "MAYBE THIRD" OR "MAYBE FOURTH."

HE'S A DECISIVE MAN; HE KNOWS HIS MIND.

BUT...

THE SPARE TIRE IS WORN,

AND ONE TREAD ON ALL THE OTHER TIRES.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, BOSS?

THAT MEANS HE DRIVES A LOT.

EH, I KNEW THAT!

NO, IT MEANS HE HAS A WEAKNESS.

HE'S A GREEDY MAN WHO WON'T SPEND HIS MONEY

EVEN WITH HIS SAFETY AND THE SAFETY OF OTHERS AT STAKE.

MY GUESS IS THIS IS A MAN WHO WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MONEY.

I THOUGHT I HAD NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

NOW I SEE I HAVE DEADLY SERIOUS WORK TO DO.

( choir singing in Setswana )

( speaks Setswana )

- AY! - AMEN!

( all chanting )

( priest vocalizing )

( speaks Setswana, laughs )

EXCUSE ME, PASTOR?

BISHOP-- I AM THE BISHOP OF THIS CHURCH.

OH, I AM SORRY, YOUR GRACE.

WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU KNOW.

YOU ARE NOT A MEMBER OF OUR CHURCH

SO YOU WOULDN'T KNOW MY TITLE.

UM, HAVE YOU COME TO BE HEALED?

OH, NO, I'M IN VERY GOOD HEALTH. THANK YOU.

- DO YOU MIND? - PARTICULARLY MY TEETH.

BUT I DO HAVE A QUESTION.

DOES THE NAME PETER SIPHAMBE MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

WHY DO YOU ASK?

BECAUSE HE HAS DISAPPEARED,

AND THE ONLY CLUE I'VE GOT

IS THAT HE BELONGED TO AN APOSTOLIC CHURCH.

OH.

DO YOU THINK HE'S GONE OFF WITH SOME YOUNG FEMALE FELLOW CHRISTIANS?

WELL, SOMETIMES, UNFORTUNATELY, MAN FALLS PREY TO THE TEMPTATIONS

OF THE FLESH.

THAT IS ONE POSSIBILITY.

WELL, HE IS NOT A MEMBER OF MY FLOCK.

THE APOSTOLIC CHURCH OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

BELIEVES IN MARRIAGE FOR LIFE.

BUT THERE ARE OTHER CHURCHES THAT I COULD MENTION,

NAMING NO NAMES.

THE CHURCH OF THE HOLY ARMY OF JERUSALEM--

THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE TO ASK.

( all chanting )

KEEP ALIVE.

IT IS POSSIBLE THAT IT IS NOT THE HUSBAND,

BUT THE WIFE WHO HAS FOUND ROMANCE.

SHE COULD PUT POISON IN THE HUSBAND'S FOOD.

AND WHEN HE DIED, THE MAN SHE LOVES

WOULD HELP HER BURY THE BODY DEEP IN THE GROUND

WHERE NO WILD ANIMALS CAN FIND IT.

TELL ME,

DID HER HUSBAND HAVE ANY LIFE INSURANCE?

I DON'T KNOW.

LIFE INSURANCE IS A VERY IMPORTANT ELEMENT

- IN THESE CASES. - MMM.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR TIME, FATHER ZADOK.

SALA SENTLE.

( choir chanting )

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER!

THE SON!

AND THE HOLY SPIRIT!

( laughs )

( chattering in Setswana )

HIS NAME IS PETER SIPHAMBE.

PETER SIPHAMBE?

DO YOU KNOW HIM?

ARE YOU A POLICEMAN?

I THINK YOU MEAN POLICEWOMAN.

YOU'RE A POLICEWOMAN?

NO, I'M A PRIVATE DETECTIVE.

NOW PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU KNOW WHERE PETER SIPHAMBE IS.

HE'S GONE TO A BETTER PLACE.

YOU MEAN HE'S DEAD?

NO...

HE'S ALIVE

IN A WAY THAT YOU AND I CAN ONLY DREAM OF.

THE GOOD LORD HAS TAKEN HIM.

HOW EXACTLY HAS THE GOOD LORD TAKEN HIM?

YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME.

PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

TWO WEEKS AGO, I WAS BAPTIZING SINNERS.

THERE WERE SIX DEACONS IN THE WATER HELPING ON THAT DAY.

PETER SIPHAMBE WAS ONE OF THEM.

I NURSED A YOUNG LADY SINNER.

THEN I SAW TO MY AMAZEMENT

THAT THERE WERE ONLY FIVE DEACONS IN THE WATER.

I COUNTED AGAIN, BUT STILL ONLY FIVE.

PETER SIPHAMBE COMPLETELY VANISHED.

VANISHED?

THE LORD HAS TAKEN HIM, BODY AND SOUL.

BUT I MADE NO REPORTS TO THE AUTHORITIES OF THIS MIRACLE.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES IT'S DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN THESE THINGS TO NON-BELIEVERS.

HUH.

I CAN SEE THAT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM.

RICHARD?

RICHARD?

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR FOOD, HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO GET STRONGER?

I NEED TO EAT MEAT.

( sighs )

WHY CAN'T YOU EARN ENOUGH TO BUY SOME?

I'M DOING MY BEST.

I CAN'T ASK TO BE PAID JUST YET.

SHE CAN'T AFFORD IT.

WHY DON'T YOU SLEEP ON THE BED?

YOU'LL BE MORE COMFORTABLE.

NOWHERE IS COMFORTABLE.

DO YOU WANT THE TELEVISION?

NO.

COME, TALK TO ME.

I MET A GIRL I KNEW FROM SECRETARIAL COLLEGE.

SHE WAS ALL DRESSED UP.

SHE COULDN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

IT MADE ME ANGRY THAT A GIRL WHO SCORED 40%--

ON A RETAKE-- COULD DO SO WELL.

SO I WAS RUDE TO HER.

AND NOW I REGRET IT.

YOU WILL DO BETTER THAN ALL OF THEM.

SHE IS HERE!

- DUMELA, MMA. - DUMELA, MMA.

- PLEASE COME IN. - THANK YOU.

- DUMELA, MMA. - DUMELA, MMA.

HAVE YOU FOUND MY HUSBAND?

NOT QUITE.

I HAVE FOUND HIS CHURCH AND I SPOKE TO THE PASTOR.

AND WHAT DID THE PASTOR SAY?

THIS IS THE UNSATISFACTORY PART.

ACCORDING TO THE PASTOR,

YOUR HUSBAND WAS TAKEN BY THE LORD,

BODY AND SOUL.

- I MUST SAY-- - DO YOU THINK I'M A CRAZY WOMAN?

NO, MMA, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE CRAZY.

I-- I AM AWARE THAT THIS IS NOT SATISFACTORY INFORMATION.

AND THERE IS ANOTHER THING.

I FOUND THIS THIS MORNING ON THE DOORSTEP.

THERE WASN'T A NOTE OR ANYTHING.

THESE ARE MY HUSBAND'S.

IS EVERYTHING THERE?

NO UNDERPANTS.

AND HIS WATCH IS MISSING.

AND NOW I SUPPOSE YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME

THAT SOME HEAVENLY LAUNDRY SERVICE LEFT THESE HERE

AND THAT MY HUSBAND IS ON SOME CLOUD SOMEWHERE

WITH NOTHING BUT HIS UNDERPANTS AND A WATCH.

- NO, MMA. - IT'S CLEAR TO ME WHAT'S HAPPENED HERE, MMA RAMOTSWE.

MY HUSBAND HAS FALLEN INTO THE ARMS OF ANOTHER WOMAN.

AND NOW HIS OLD CLOTHES ARE NOT EVEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM,

EXCEPT FOR HIS WATERPROOF GOLD WATCH. NOW THAT'S GONE FOR GOOD!

- MMA? - I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

CONSIDER THIS CASE CLOSED.

THAT IS NOT A HAPPY WOMAN.

I'M NOT SURPRISED THAT HUSBAND OF HERS WENT SKIPPING OFF.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WANT MY TWO PULA-- SHE WAS A LEAFLET LADY.

HE'S RIGHT-- SHE WAS A LEAFLET LADY.

BUT SHE'S NOT A SATISFIED CUSTOMER.

SHE WON'T PAY.

IT'S NOT HIS FAULT.

THAT IS TRUE.

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE DENTAL SURVEILLANCE,

BUT THIS TIME I WILL BE BETTER PREPARED.

( African music playing )

- OKAY, SIR? - THANK YOU.

- THANK YOU. - HAVE A NICE DAY.

I COME HERE EVERY DAY. THERE'S NO NEED TO SEARCH ME EVERY DAY.

IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU ARE A DETECTIVE.

THAT'S BECAUSE I AM.

AHH, SO YOU ARE LIKE MRS. MARPLE.

YOU ARE VERY WELL READ,

BUT PLEASE JUST DO ME THE FAVOR OF STAMPING MY PASSPORT.

I'M IN A SMALL HURRY TODAY.

OKAY, DETECTIVE.

YOU CAN GO.

SEE YA.

- Woman: GET OUT! - Dr. Komoti: PUT YOUR ARMS DOWN.

PUT YOUR ARMS DOWN!

- ( woman protesting ) - RELAX.

- NOW PLEASE... - ( woman talking, garbled )

I CANNOT GET TO THIS TOOTH!

AHHH!

PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN!

AHH!

IDIOT.

SO BOTH TWINS ARE DENTISTS. WHAT'S SO STRANGE ABOUT THAT?

IT'S QUITE USUAL FOR TWINS TO BE DOING THE SAME THING,

EVEN WHEN THEY ARE SEPARATED AT BIRTH.

TWINS GROW UP, THEY MEET,

AND BEHOLD, THEY'RE BOTH DRIVING CHEVROLETS AND MARRIED TO BLONDES.

HMMM!

HEY, I ONCE MET THIS PAIR OF TWINS

WHO JUST BOTH HAPPENED TO HAVE HAD

THE SAME TATTOO ON THEIR... ( whistles ).

OH, B.K.

YOU ARE CONFUSING MY THOUGHTS.

A SERIOUS CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED.

I THINK I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

MY PROBLEM IS HOW TO PROVE IT.

MMA RAMOTSWE, COME AT ONCE!

IS THIS HORRIBLE LITTLE OBJECT REALLY LUCKY?

READ THE COLLAR.

AHH, SO IT IS!

THAT IS ADORABLE.

I FOUND HIM.

GIVE HIM FIVE PULA.

NO, 10 PULA!

- 10 PULA! - THIS IS NOT A BANK.

( laughing )

YOU ARE A CLEVER YOUNG MAN TO HAVE FOUND HIM.

- WHERE WAS HE? - I FOUND HIM EATING FROM A DUSTBIN.

HE WAS LOST AND HUNGRY.

DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID?

HE WAS LOST AND HUNGRY!

I THINK I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO PETER SIPHAMBE.

GIVE HIM 11 PULA. HE'S EARNED IT!

GOOD JOB, WELLINGTON.

YOU MAY GO.

GET ME THE NUMBER FOR THE UNIVERSITY OF LAGOS RECORDS DEPARTMENT.

AND MAKE A FINAL APPOINTMENT WITH DR. KOMOTI.

IT IS TIME TO TAKE REVENGE ON DENTISTS.

( exploding )

THIS WAS MY DADDY'S RIFLE.

HE BELIEVED A DAUGHTER SHOULD LEARN EVERYTHING

A SON WOULD LEARN.

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT NOW.

- BUT WHAT EXACTLY-- - ARE YOU READY?

READY.

THIS IS WHERE WE GET OUT.

IS THIS WHERE PETER SIPHAMBE DISAPPEARED?

THIS IS THE PLACE.

OH, I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO SHOOT THE DENTIST.

HA! THAT'S A THOUGHT.

- THE DOG. - THE DOG?

THE DOG.

COME ON. HE'S GOING TO DO SOMETHING USEFUL FOR A CHANGE.

( birds squawking )

( crickets chirping )

( water splashing )

( whimpers )

( barking )

( whimpering )

MMA MAKUTSI.

( yipping )

( growling )

( dog whimpers )

THANK YOU, DADDY!

( dog whimpers )

HOW DO WE KNOW THAT IT'S DEAD?

IT'S NOT MOVING.

- LET'S GO THEN. - NO NO, NOT YET.

WE HAVE TO GET THE EVIDENCE.

( sighs )

( knife plunging )

OH!

OH! WHAT IS THAT?

ROCKS.

A BICYCLE PUMP,

MADE IN BOTSWANA.

AHH! AND IT STILL WORKS.

A WATERPROOF GOLD WATCH.

ONE REPTILE DOWN

AND ONE TO GO!

Rre Matekoni: WHY DO YOU NOT SIMPLY REPORT THIS MAN

TO THE MEDICAL AUTHORITIES?

BECAUSE THEN THEY WILL DISBAR HIM-- DEFR-- DEFRAUD--

WHATEVER IT IS THEY DO TO DENTISTS.

THAT WOULD CREATE A SCANDAL.

I DON'T THINK IT'S RIGHT TO MAKE PEOPLE MORE TERRIFIED OF DENTISTS

THAN THEY ARE ALREADY.

I'M NOT HAPPY PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING THAT I'M NOT.

I'M NOT HAPPY PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING I DON'T WANT TO BE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING. JUST STAND THERE

AND LOOK MENACING.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

ARE YOU MENACED?

NNYAA, MMA. IT WON'T WORK.

HE LOOKS LIKE A MOTOR MECHANIC

- AND HE LOOKS LIKE A-- - LIKE A WHAT?

--A HAIRDRESSER.

SHE WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING ELSE.

I WAS NOT! I WAS GOING TO SAY A BEAUTICIAN.

I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT YOU ARE A SOMETHING ELSE.

OH, SO THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG ABOUT BEING A SOMETHING ELSE?

I DIDN'T SAY THAT YOU ARE A SOMETHING ELSE.

AND IF YOU ARE A SOMETHING ELSE,

- THEN I'M NOT CRITICIZING-- - YOU KNOW WHAT, SWEETIE?

YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU'RE IN A HOLE, STOP DIGGING.

- I AM NOT IN A HOLE! - YOU ARE IN A HOLE.

PLEASE! LET'S STOP FIGHTING ABOUT THIS!

UH, BOSS. UH, BOSS.

YOU LOOK LIKE A SCARY BOSS.

A STRONG SCARY BOSS.

WELL?

ARE YOU FILLED WITH FEAR?

EE, MMA, TO THE RIM.

NOW ALL WE NEED IS A CAR.

COME. COME HERE.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY. COME COME.

( all chattering )

IT'S GOOD.

NURSE, PLEASE CLEAN UP.

SOME MEN BEHAVE WORSE THAN LITTLE CHILDREN, YOU KNOW?

HA! IT WAS A PERFECTLY SIMPLE EXTRACTION.

"MMA THATHANA."

WE'VE MET BEFORE, I THINK.

I WAS HERE LAST WEEK.

AH, YES, OF COURSE.

LET ME CHECK MY NOTES.

I BROUGHT MY NIECE, ELIZABETH.

AH, YES, ELIZABETH--

LIKE THE QUEEN.

I REMEMBER HER WELL. SWEET LITTLE GIRL.

MY NIECE'S NAME IS PORTIA.

SHE'S 32

AND SHE LIVES IN KWENENG.

YOU DIDN'T SEE ME LAST WEEK

BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T HERE.

I SAW YOUR BROTHER,

THE REAL DR. KOMOTI.

THE ONLY TIME YOU'VE SEEN ME

WAS WHEN YOU AND YOUR TWIN BROTHER

CHASED ME DOWN THE ROAD IN MAFEKING.

AH, YES, THE FAT BURGLAR.

WELL, IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR ME TO CALL THE POLICE.

FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT.

TAKE A LOOK OUT OF THE WINDOW.

- WHO ARE THEY? - POLICEMEN.

THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE POLICEMEN.

THEY'RE UNDERCOVER POLICEMEN.

THAT IS WHAT UNDERCOVER POLICEMEN LOOK LIKE.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

LET'S INVITE THEM IN.

WAIT!

VERY WISE, MISTER KOMOTI.

HMM.

I THINK THERE IS A WAY TO SETTLE THIS

BETWEEN US.

( chattering )

UH, EXCUSE ME.

PICK IT UP.

I SAID PICK IT UP.

HEY!

DETECTIVE INSPECTOR ZOLANI.

TLA KWANO. TLA KWANO.

YOU SEE MY FRIEND HERE?

HE HAS GOT A REPUTATION FOR UNLIMITED BRUTALITY.

SO PICK IT UP. PICK IT UP.

( speaks Setswana )

- THANK YOU, DETECTIVE SERGEANT. - PLEASURE.

YOU AND YOUR BROTHER ARE RUNNING TWO DENTAL PRACTICES

FOR THE PRICE OF ONE DEGREE.

OUR BOTSWANA AUTHORITIES TAKE A VERY SERIOUS VIEW

OF MEDICAL FRAUD.

SO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MUST LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK.

THEN THE GOOD PEOPLE OF BOTSWANA

CAN ENJOY A QUALIFIED AND STABLE DENTIST AT THIS ADDRESS.

SIGN.

IT'S A PLEASURE, MR. KOMOTI,

TO SEE YOU SUFFER IN THAT CHAIR

AFTER ALL THE PAIN YOU'VE CAUSED.

I STILL DON'T BELIEVE THEY ARE POLICEMEN.

HEY, YOU GUYS! THIS FAT WOMAN TELLS ME YOU ARE COPPERS.

SHOW ME YOUR BADGES!

- DID YOU SAY "FAT WOMAN"? - WHAT IF I DID?

OH, FORGET IT!

SPREAD THEM!

I'LL MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU.

EITHER CROSS THE BORDER RIGHT NOW,

OR TAKE A RIDE WITH US BACK TO THE POLICE STATION

FOR SOME FIST SANDWICH AND SOME JAIL PIE!

UH-HUH. AND I WILL ENJOY-- I MEAN, YOU WILL ENJOY IT.

B.K.: OOH. I NEED SOME MUSIC TO CALM ME DOWN.

HAVE YOU GOT SOME LUTHER VANDROSS IN THIS CAR?

- LUTH WHO? - LUTHER VANDROSS.

NO NO NO NO NO. POLICE OFFICERS WOULDN'T LISTEN TO LUTHER VANDROSS.

THEY'D LISTEN TO SOMETHING WITH MORE--

WITH MORE-- MORE POWER,

LIKE BON JOVI OR MEATLOAF,

- OR... - YEAH, MEATLOAF.

I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT PROMISE FOR ONE MOMENT.

MMM, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I TOOK THE PRECAUTION OF CALLING MY FRIEND

BILLY PILANI OF THE SOUTH AFRICAN POLICE.

DR. AND MR. KOMOTI WILL RECEIVE A...

LESS-THAN-WARM WELCOME WHEN THEY ARRIVE

AT THE SOUTH AFRICAN BORDER.

- ( all aruging ) - I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT A SCANDAL.

I DON'T... IN BOTSWANA.

NOW COME ON...

YOU WERE PRETTY CONVINCING OUT THERE, MR. J.L.B.

THANK YOU.

YOU WEREN'T SO BAD YOURSELF.

FOR A SOMETHING ELSE?

( laughs )

IS THIS YOUR HUSBAND'S WATCH?

I GAVE THIS TO HIM ON OUR FIFTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

I'M SORRY I DOUBTED YOU.

I HAVE BROUGHT YOUR FEE.

IT'S 200 PULA A DAY, I THINK?

THAT IS CORRECT.

YOU MUST BE VERY SAD TO HAVE LOST YOUR HUSBAND.

I'M A LITTLE BIT SAD,

BUT I WOULD RATHER HIS WATCH BE IN THE STOMACH OF A CROCODILE

THAN TELLING TIME FOR SOME YOUNG WOMAN.

CAN WE AFFORD THIS?

I INTEND TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT.

BESIDES, WE SOLVED THREE CASES,

THOUGH THERE WILL BE NO PAYMENT FOR THE DENTIST CASE.

NOT QUITE. JINGER-MAY SAYS

THAT ONCE SHE HAS QUALIFIED,

SHE'LL DO YOUR TEETH COMPLETELY FREE OF CHARGE

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF HER.

LET ME DRIVE YOU HOME.

NO.

THANK YOU, MMA. I'LL BE QUITE FINE.

LET ME.

IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.

- IS THAT YOUR HOUSE? - EE, MMA. JUST THERE.

MMM.

IT IS A VERY PECULIAR THING FOR HER TO SAY--

BEING HAPPY THAT THE WATCH WAS IN THE CROCODILE,

NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND'S POCKET.

MMM.

I KNOW WHAT SHE MEANT.

I SUSPECT HER HUSBAND WAS ALWAYS A LADIES' MAN.

IT'S PAINFUL KNOWING THE MAN YOU LOVE

WAS BEING UNFAITHFUL.

NOW THAT PAIN IS GONE.

DOES IT GO? REALLY?

PERHAPS NOT COMPLETELY.

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING THAT REMAINS.

BUT TIME IS A GREAT HEALER.

NOT ALWAYS.

THANK YOU, MMA.

( door opens, closes )

YOU ARE LATE.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I'VE BEEN WORKING.

I'M GOING TO COOK SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU TOMORROW,

SESWAA AND MAGWINYA.

HOW CAN WE AFFORD IT?

WE HAD A LITTLE BIT OF A BIG BONANZA TODAY.

( trumpet playing )

Mma Ramotswe: WHEN I FIRST HEARD THIS TRUMPET,

I MADE NO DISTINCTION

BETWEEN THE MUSIC AND THE MAN.

THIS MISTAKE WAS TO CAUSE ME MUCH UNHAPPINESS.

I HAVE LEARNED MANY THINGS SINCE THEN--

HOW TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF

AND HOW TO LIVE WITH PAINFUL MEMORIES.

WELL, ALMOST.

MY DADDY SAID THAT EVEN THOUGH I HAD MARRIED A BAD MAN,

I WOULD ONE DAY FIND A GOOD ONE.

( stops record )

HE NEVER DOUBTED IT.

PERHAPS LIKE ALL THINGS IN BOTSWANA,

IT WILL JUST TAKE A LITTLE TIME.

( theme music playing )