All language subtitles for That.Darn.Cat.1997.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

**

**

[ Dog Barking, Cat Screeching,
Glass Shattering ]

* THAT DARN CAT

* THAT DARN CAT

* THAT DARN CAT

* THAT DARN CAT

* THAT DARN CAT

* THAT DARN CAT

* THAT DARN CAT

* ADIOS, AMIGO **

**

OH, NO.

SOME OF OUR INVESTMENTS
ARE PLUMMETING.

WHY CAN'T YOUR PLASTIC SURGEON
GIVE THE STOCK MARKET A LIFT ?

OH, NO.

OH, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

DEAR LORD, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S--

OH, MY GOD !

- I THINK I FOUND
ANOTHER LINE, IS WHAT !

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
THIS IS HORRIBLE !

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S HORRIBLE.
EVEN PORK BELLIES ARE SAGGING.

OH ! NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE EYELASH
ON THE MIRROR.

NEVER MIND.

NEVER MIND, NEVER MIND.

LIZZY, BRING ME TWO ASPIRIN
AND SOME WARM MILK.

ANYTHING YOU SAY, MR. FLINT.

- I WANT...

FOUR DOZEN DING DONGS
AND A GIANT HO-HO.

BRING MRS. FLINT TWO CARROT
STICKS AND A MUSHROOM.

**

**

WHAT WOULD THEY DO
WITHOUT ME ?

IS THAT HER ?

WOW, SHE'S AN UGLY
OLD BROAD, ISN'T SHE ?

YOU'D THINK, WITH ALL HER
BILLIONS, SHE COULD AFFORD
A PLASTIC SURGEON.

RICH PEOPLE ARE NUTS.

LET'S BE ONE OF 'EM.

**

WHO IS IT ?

I KNOW KARATE.

LIZZY, ARE YOU MILKING THE COW ?

MY ULCER'S DOING
A TANGO UP HERE.

"CHEERFUL FACES.
SMILING HELLOS.

"NEIGHBORS WHO DON'T KNOCK
WHEN THEY COME OVER.

"THE KIND OF TOWN THAT HAS
A REALLY NICE FEED STORE.

"EVERYONE SAYS,
'HAVE A NICE DAY,' STILL.

"HOT DOGS.
APPLE PIES.

"QUIET, TREE-LINED STREETS
NAMED AFTER RODENTS:

"SQUIRREL LANE;
CHIPMUNK SQUARE;

"BADGER BEND.

"APPARENTLY SNOW WHITE
LIVED HERE AT SOME POINT.

"THIS IS MY HOME,

"A WORLD OF BAKE SALES,
HOEDOWNS AND BARN RAISINGS.

"EVEN OUR CABLE SUCKS.

WHAT'S A HOEDOWN ?

SOUNDS LIKE
YARD WORK.
SERIOUSLY.

"IT'S AS IF THIS TOWN
HAS THE POWER...

"TO SUCK THE VERY BRAIN
RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
PATTI--

- AND WITH SOME PEOPLE,
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN NOTICE."
- PATTI !

THE ASSIGNMENT WAS TO GIVE
A REPORT ON TOWN PRIDE.

THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING HERE YOU LIKE.

"I LIKE MY CAT.
THE END."

HEY, D.C.

COME TO WALK
ME HOME

PATTI, HONEY.

D.C., I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE
THE MOTHER AT HOME.

* I SEE YOU
DON'T LOOK AT HER.

MAYBE IF WE IGNORE HER,
SHE'LL GO AWAY.

I KNOW IT'S NOT COOL
TO LET YOUR MOMMY PICK YOU UP,

BUT THE TOWN COUNCIL MEETING
LET OUT EARLY AND--
OH, CHRISTMAS.

HONEY, WHY DO YOU
ALWAYS WEAR BLACK ?

BECAUSE IT MATCHES
MY SOUL.

WELL, IT DOESN'T DO MUCH
FOR YOUR EYE COLOR !

SO HOW WAS
YOUR DAY ?
MIND-NUMBING AS USUAL.

MOM, CAN WE PLEASE
MOVE TO BOSTON ?

NOW, SWEETIE,
I THINK THAT YOU JUST
DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE...

OF ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS
THAT THIS TOWN HAS
TO OFFER YOU.

LIKE WHAT ?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

BUT WHEN I WAS
IN HIGH SCHOOL, WE KIDS
JUST HAD SO MUCH FUN.

I WAS IN GLEE CLUB
AND SPIRIT ASSOCIATION.

WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT
FOR CHEERLEADING ?

OH, MY GOODNESS, LOOK.
FISH STICKS FOR DINNER.

D.C. !

THAT CAT...

IS A DELINQUENT !

UH, JUST LEMME GET
THESE LUG NUTS OFF.

EVER WONDER
WHERE THE EXPRESSION
"BIG LUG" CAME FROM ?

HOW LONG WILL
IT TAKE, DUSTY ?

OH, ABOUT 15
OR 20 MINUTES,
MRS. RANDALL.

IS THAT ALL ?

MY GRANDMOTHER COULD DO IT
FASTER THAN THAT.

SHE'S GOT REPLACEMENT HIPS.
I'LL DO IT IN TEN.

OH, YEAH ? WELL,
I'LL DO IT IN NINE.

EIGHT AND
A TEN-PERCENT DISCOUNT !

- TWELVE AND A FREE
BATTERY CHARGE !
- SEVEN,

15 PERCENT OFF, FREE OIL CHANGES
FOR A YEAR AND FREE GUM !

- NOW TOP THAT, DOOFUS !

- OOH.

SO YOU HEARD NOTHING ?

OH, MY WIFE KEEPS A TAPE
OF JUNGLE NOISES GOING
IN THE BEDROOM AT NIGHT.

IT'S LIKE A TARZAN
MOVIE IN THERE.

LIZZY POLISHED THE PYGMIES' POT
SO BEAUTIFULLY.

I'M SO UPSET, I'D-I'D CRY.
BUT MY TEAR DUCTS HAVEN'T WORKED
SINCE MY LAST EYE JOB.

WE'LL TRY TO FIND LIZZY
AS SOON AS WE CAN, MRS. FLINT.

OH, IT'S SO IMPORTANT.
YOU REALLY HAVE TO FI--

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS
THAT BAFFLES ME ? I-I-I--

HOW COULD ANYONE
MISTAKE LIZZY FOR ME ?

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, WE'RE BOTH
THIN AND HOPEFULLY PRETTY.

BUT I SPENT A QUARTER
OF A MILLION DOLLARS
TO LOOK LIKE THIS.

EXCUSE ME.

CAPTAIN ? CAPTAIN !

CAPTAIN.

I BEEN COLLECTIN'
HAIR AND LINT SAMPLES
FROM THE FLINT'S BEDROOM.

UH-HUH.

UH, KELSO,
YOU KNOW THAT THE--
THE KIDNAPPING HAPPENED...

DOWNSTAIRS IN
THE KITCHEN, RIGHT ?
YES, I KNOW THIS.

AND THE FLINTS
WERE IN THE BEDROOM
AT THE TIME OF THE CRIME.

NOW YOU'RE
WITH ME HERE ?
UH-HUH, 100 PERCENT.

OKAY, DON'T YOU THINK THAT
THE REALLY GOOD CLUES...

WOULD COME FROM, OH, SAY,
THE PLACE WHERE THE CRIME
WAS COMMITTED ?

UNLESS, OF COURSE,
THE CRIME DID NOT HAPPEN
IN THE ALLEGED KITCHEN.

THE KITCHEN IS THERE.

IT'S NOT ALLEGED.
IT EXISTS. WE HAVE PROOF.

CAPTAIN,
THESE PEOPLE ARE LIARS.

NOW, HOW
DO WE KNOW THAT ?

S

SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS 39.
I'M TELLIN' YOU, COVER-UP.

OKAY, ZEKE.

HERE'S WHAT I WANT
YOU TO DO.

WALK INTO THE KITCHEN,

GRAB SOME COFFEE
AND BRING IT TO ME.

GOOD. THEN WHAT ?

THEN GET SOME CREAM.

Y-YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS,
ARE YOU, S--

I LIKE MY CREAM.

I'M WATCHIN' YOU.

OH, THANK YOU.

YOO-HOO, MRS. RANDALL !
HELLO, THERE !

HI, PATTI !

THE CANDY CANE, WHERE
YOUNG EDGEFIELDERS GO...

TO GET A SUGAR BUZZ
AND THEN GO DAY-TRIPPING.

OH, PATTI, YOU
ARE SO DRAMATIC.

STREETS LOOK CLEAR.
MM-HMM.

QUIET DAY.

YEAH. QUIET CAN BE
MISLEADING, MELVIN.

QUIET DOES NOT
NECESSARILY MEAN SAFE.
YEP.

YEAH.

THERE !

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ?
THAT'S A 524 RIGHT THERE.

GIRL IN STREET CHASING CAT.

DRIVE, MELVIN.
DRIVE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER
DRIVEN BEFORE. DRIVE !

DON'T HIT THE GIRL.
DON'T HIT THE GIRL
OR THE CAT.

- OH, HONEY ! LORD IN HEAVEN,
YOU COULD'VE BEEN INJURED !

ARE YOU HURT ?
ARE YOU BLEEDING ?
NO.

WELL, HE'S GOT FLEAS.
BUT I THINK HE HAD THOSE
BEFORE YOU GOT HERE.

WELL, YOU LADIES
HAVE A GOOD DAY NOW.

WE WILL, THANK YOU.
GOOD-BYE, BOYS. PATTI !

BYE.
THOSE ARE
SUCH NICE BOYS.

SURE WISH WE COULD DO
SOMETHIN' ABOUT THOSE FLEAS.

WE'RE JUST MEN, MELVIN.

NOT GODS.

LET'S GO.
OW.

YOO-HOO ! YOO-HOO !

MOM, EYES FORWARD,
HEAD STRAIGHT.
DON'T LOOK UP.

PATTI, WHERE ARE
YOUR MANNERS ?
WHO'S DOWN THERE ?

HELLO, MRS. McCRACKEN.

- HI.
- NOW I'LL NEVER GET
OUT OF HERE.

WHO'S THAT WITH YA ?
THAT'S PATTI.

PATTI

I'M HER DAUGHTER.

UM, YOU'VE ONLY
KNOWN ME 16 YEARS.

IT'D HELP IF YA
DRESSED IN COLOR.

D.C., IT'S NOT
TIME FOR DINNER.
GET OVER HERE.

WHAT'S THAT, TWEETY ?

AH ! TWEETY SAYS HELLO !

LOOK, MOM,
THE BIRD TALKS.

OH, PATTI, SOMETIMES I WONDER
WHO SNUCK IN IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT AND RAISED YOU.

MRS. McCRACKEN,
COULD WE GET YOU ANYTHING
AT THE BUTCHER'S ?

I COULD USE HALF A POUND
OF GROUND CHUCK.

- ALL RIGHT. BYE-BYE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH !

WHY IS IT SO PAINFULLY HARD
FOR YOU TO BE NICE ?

I THINK YOU WOUND UP
WITH ALL THE "NICE"
IN THE FAMILY, MOM.

I SWEAR, PATTI, YOU CAN BE
SUCH A PAIN IN THE--

- SAY IT.
- NO.

- OH, COME ON, MOM. SAY IT.
- YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME SWEAR.

YOU WILL N MAKE ME SWEAR.

YEAH, I KNOW.

SHE'S A HARD ONE TO CRACK.

- YOO-HOO, LU !

HELLO, MRS. RANDALL,
PATTI.

HEY, NOW, YOU'VE DONE SOMETHING
NEW WITH YOUR HAIR.

OH, IT'S A BUN.
TURN AROUND.

OH, I THINK
THAT IS NIFTY.

VERY BECOMING.
THANKS.

WELL, I NEED
HALF A POUND OF GROUND CHUCK
AND A WATERMELON ROSE.

OKAY, MRS. RANDALL.

YES.

LU, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
YOU'RE VERY TALENTED.

THANKS. YEAH, I ONCE BUILT
A CASTLE OUT OF SPAM.

- NO.
- YEAH. HAD A SPIRAL STAIRCASE
UP TO THE TURRET.

REALLY ? OH, WOW.

HEY, YOU KNOW, IF YOU
ARE FREE ON SATURDAY,

YOU REALLY SHOULD COME
TO OUR ANNUAL CAT SHOW.

THERE'LL BE A LOT
OF ELIGIBLE MEN THERE.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.
SATURDAY'S MY BIG TV NIGHT.

WELL, TRY, OKAY ?
BECAUSE IT IS GONNA BE FUN.

OUR HEAD JUDGE THIS YEAR...

HAS THE CAT FOOD WITH
THE DANCING CATS ON THE LABEL.

YOU KNOW-- CHOW, CHOW, CHOW.

I AM NOT EXAGGERATING.
IT IS GONNA BE
AN EXTRAVAGANZA.

OOH, AN EXTRAVAGANZA
IN EDGEFIELD.

PATTI, SHUSH.

JUST PUT THAT
ON MY TAB, OKAY ?
THANKS, LU.

OH, D.C. !

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WITH HER, PETER.

SHE REFUSES TO EVEN
TRY TO GET ALONG
WITH PEOPLE.

WELL, I SAY WE SELL HER,
GET ENOUGH TO COVER
THAT ORTHODONTIA.

I AM SERIOUS, YOU.
OW.

HONEY,
THERE ARE TWO...

VERY IMPORTANT THINGS
LACKING IN YOUR PERSONALITY:

TOLERANCE
AND EMPATHY.
HMM.

- NOW, YOU SHOWED AN AWFUL LOT
OF DISRESPECT FOR LU TODAY.
- I WAS JUST AGREEING WITH HER.

SHE IS A SWEET GAL.

AND SHE TAKES HER WORK
VERY SERIOUSLY.

MOM, SHE MOLDS MEAT.

YOU PUSH ME, YOUNG LADY.

AND YOU ENJOY IT.
ADMIT IT, YOU ENJOY IT.

- OH, NO.
I DERIVE NO JOY FROM IT.
UM, LADIES--

DESPITE THE MAID'S
NET WORTH OF $238,

THE KIDNAPPERS
ARE DEMANDING
$1 MILLION IN RANSOM.

BOSTON POLICE
HAVE BROUGHT IN THE F.B.I.

SO FAR THERE'VE BEEN NO LEADS.
BUT BOSTON POLICE--
BOSTON ?

IT'S ALWAYS BOSTON.
WHY CAN'T ANYTHING LIKE THAT
EVER HAPPEN HERE ?

...QUICK APPREHENSION
OF THE PERPETRATORS.

THIS IS, OF COURSE,
THE SAME CHIEF FITZWILLIAMS
WHO EXPRESSED OPTIMISM...

FOR THE QUICK APPREHENSION
OF THE PERPETRATORS
OF MOST OF BOSTON'S CRIMES...

IN THE PAST YEAR.

- THERE HE GOES,
JUST LIKE CLOCKWORK.

- WHY DO YOU THINK HE LEAVES
HERE EVERY NIGHT AT 8:00 ?

BECAUSE HE CAN.
FITZWILLIAMS
SWEARS IT WILL BE DIFFERENT.

AND WE AT CHANNEL 11
SUPPORT HIM.

[ Electricity
Zapping ]

[ Meowing,
Scratching ]

THIS WILL TEACH YA
TO STEAL MY CUSTOMERS.

DOOFUS !

QUIET NIGHT.

WHOA !
DID YOU SEE THAT ?

NO, I DIDN'T !
DON'T GET INVOLVED.
JUST DRIVE !

THAT GUY NEEDS NEW TIRES.

**

* OOH
* WHAT YOU WANT

* BABY, I GOT
* OOH

* WHAT YOU NEED
DO YOU KNOW I GOT IT *

* OOH
* ALL-- *

**

YES.

COME HERE, KITTY.
COME HERE.

HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.

COME TO MAMA.
COME ON.

COME ON !
GOOD BOY.

[ Phone Ringing,
Footsteps ]

RUN ALONG.

OOP, 7:20.
BETTER GET DOWN
TO THE BOOKSTORE.

A NEW DANIELLE STEEL
COMING IN TODAY.
WHOO.

I WONDER IF IT'LL BE
A ROMANCE.
HMM.

I'D READ IT MYSELF, BUT
THE TV MOVIE'S ALWAYS BETTER.

BYE-BYE, HONEY.
BYE.

HONEY, WOULD YOU PASS ME
THE FRONT PAGE, PLEASE ?

THANK YOU.

HEY, D.C.,
WHAT YA GOT THERE ?
WHAT IS THIS ?

HOW WEIRD.
HMM ?

MOM, READ THIS.

YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME SWEAR,
YOUNG LADY.

I WAS NOT TRYING
TO MAKE YOU SWEAR, MOM.
D.C. WAS WEARING THIS.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
WHY WOULD ANYBODY GIVE
A WATCH TO A CAT ?

THIS LOOKS
LIKE THE SAME TIMEX.

HONEY, WOULD YOU PASS ME
THE MARGARINE, PLEASE ?
OH, MY GOD.

I KNOW WHO GAVE
D.C. THE WATCH.
WHO ?

HER.

HILLARY CLINTON ?

NO, MOM.
BELOW THE FOLD.

SEE ? THAT'S THE MAID
THAT GOT SNAGGED.

I'M TELLING YOU,
IT'S THE SAME WATCH.

YES, BUT HONEY,
IT'S A TIMEX.

THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE
WEAR THAT WATCH.

D.C., DO YOU KNOW
THIS PERSON ?

SEE ?

D.C., DO YOU KNOW
THIS PERSON ?

THAT'S TOTALLY NOT FAIR.

DRINK UP YOUR JUICE.
IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR SKIN.

AS YOU CAN SEE,
WE'VE ISOLATED
A PARTIAL FINGERPRINT.

BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH
TO IDENTIFY THE KIDNAPPERS.

OH.
NOW, SIR,
BEFORE WE PROCEED,

WE NEED TO BE CLEAR
ON ONE THING: ARE YOU PREPARED
TO PAY THE RANSOM ?

UM, LOOK, I-I HAVE TO BE
BLUNT RIGHT HERE.

YOU SEE, I-I LOVE LIZZY
LIKE A MEMBER OF MY FAMILY.

BUT THERE IS A PROBLEM.
NOW S-SOME-- UH, I--

- I'M FLAT BROKE.

YOU'RE WHAT ?

I'M SORRY, SWEET CAKES,
WE'RE BROKE.

WHAT ?

WE'RE BROKE. IT WAS
THE STINKIN' '80s.

THE STOCK MARKET
WAS CALLING TO ME.

I-I MADE TIME LIKE
A DRUNKEN SAILOR ON LEAVE.

I JUMPED IN BED WITH
EVERY LEVERAGED BUYOUT,
JUNK BOND,

RUMORED CORPORATE
TAKEOVER THERE WAS.

RIGHT NOW I'M
$17 MILLION IN DEBT.

SEVEN--
I WOULDN'T BE ABLE
TO RAISE 50 BUCKS,

- EVEN IF THEY HAD
KIDNAPPED MY WIFE.

SO MUCH FOR PLAN A.

THE ONLY THING
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS WHY
HER WATCH SAYS "HEll."

OH, PATTI, PLEASE. I CAN'T
TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS.

* HELP ME, RHONDA, HELP ME
GET HER OUTTA MY HEART *
OKAY, SO I'M KIDNAPPED.

I'M TRYING TO GET A MESSAGE
TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

AND I WRITE--
* HELP ME, RHONDA

* HELP, HELP ME, RHONDA
HELP ME, RHONDA
HELP, HELP ME, RHONDA *

HELP. DUH, I WRITE HELP.
* HELP ME, RHONDA
HELP, HELP ME, RHONDA *

* HELP ME, RHONDA
HELP, HELP ME, RHONDA *
GOD, I'M REALLY GOOD.

THOSE CHARLIE'S ANGELS RERUNS
ARE REALLY STARTING TO PAY OFF.

OH, PATRICIA, PLEASE.

* HELP ME, RHONDA, YEAH
GET HER OUTTA MY HEART *
WHAT ?

YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME
THAT YOUR CAT WALKED
60 MILES TO BOSTON,

BUMPED INTO THE KIDNAPPERS,
GOT THE WATCH AND CAME
ALL THE WAY HOME...

**
ON THE SAME NIGHT.

ISN'T HE AMAZING ?
AND YOU ARE BASING
THIS ENTIRE THEORY...

ON THE FACT
THAT A PART-TIME
ALLEY CAT CAME HOME...

WITH A WATCH THAT SAYS
"HEll" ON THE BACK.

* RHONDA
YOU CAUGHT MY EYE *
WHAT DID YOU SAY ?

* AND I CAN GIVE YOU
LOTS OF REASONS WHY *

* YOU'VE GOTTA
HELP ME, RHONDA *
NOTHING.

* HELP ME GET HER
OUTTA MY HEART *
YOU SAID, "HELL." I HEARD YOU.

- I DID NOT. I DID NOT.
- YOU DID TOO. OH, MOM,
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

LISTEN, YOU JUST FORGET
ABOUT THAT WATCH, OKAY ?

IT IS YOUR JOB
TO BE A STUDENT.

LET THE POLICEMEN
SOLVE THE CRIME, OKAY ?

* HELP, HELP ME, RHONDA
HELP ME, RHONDA
HELP, HELP ME, RHONDA *

* HELP ME, RHONDA
HELP, HELP ME, RHONDA *

* HELP ME, RHONDA
HELP, HELP ME, RHONDA *

* HELP ME, RHONDA
YEAH *

* GET HER OUTTA MY HEART *

MY CAT SAW
SOMETHING, OKAY ?

HEY, I'VE GOT
PROOF !

LOOK, THE KIDNAPPING
TOOK PLACE IN BOSTON.
THIS IS EDGEFIELD.

SO OBVIOUSLY
THEIR HIDEOUT
IS HERE.

THAT'S ABSURD. WHY
WOULD THE KIDNAPPERS
DO THAT ?

BECAUSE THEY KNOW
THE LOCAL POLICE ARE IDIOTS !

TEENAGERS.
COME ON.
I DON'T KNOW.

GRANDMA,
I FEEL SICK.
OHH.

CAN I HAVE A BIG MAC
ON THE WAY HOME ?

SURE, HONEY.

IS ANYONE HERE ?

WHY AREN'T YOU
AT SCHOOL GETTIN'
AN EDUCATION, PATTI ?

BECAUSE I'D RATHER
BE GETTING CAVITIES.

COULD I HAVE A CHOCOLATE SODA,
PLEASE ? AND D.C. HERE WILL
HAVE A DISH OF WHIPPED CREAM.

NICE OUTFIT.
GOING TO A FUNERAL ?

YEAH. MY YOUTHFUL
ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED.

AWW. WHY SO GLUM, CHUM ?

- OH, I'M SICK
OF BEING IGNORED.

ACTUALLY,
IT CAN BE A BLESSING
NOT TO BE NOTICED, HONEY.

NOT WHEN YOU WANT
TO BE NOTICED.

AND I'M TIRED OF LIVING
IN A TOWN THAT GETS EXCITED...

- WHEN A NEW STOPLIGHT
IS INSTALLED.

A COUPLE OF YEARS,
YOU CAN LEAVE OLD EDGEFIELD.

YEAH. I LIVE
FOR THAT DAY.

BUT UNFORTUNATELY
I'M STUCK HERE
FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE.

- JUST LIKE US.

MM-HMM.
WE'LL BE OKAY.

YEAH. SO WILL I.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

BUT I'VE GOT A LITTLE GIRL
OUTSIDE WHO CLAIMS...

THAT HER CAT WITNESSED
THE KIDNAPPING.

I'D LOVE TO TALK TO HER, BUT
A COUPLE OF DOGS HAVE ALREADY
COME FORWARD ON THAT ONE.

YES, SIR.

UM, SHE WOULD, UH,
LIKE TO FILE A REPORT.

- I-I'M UP TO MY NECK.
PLEASE.

YOU ?
PLEASE, I'VE GOT--

ALL RIGHT. DISMISSED.

THANK YOU.

- I'M PATTI RANDALL.
- HELLO, MISS RANDALL.

HOW ARE YOU ?
NICE TO MEET YOU.
PLEASE, UH, HAVE A SEAT.

- YOU CAN CALL ME ZEKE.
- THAT'S SOME PICTURE
YOU GOT THERE.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S MY FATHER.

HE WAS A F.B.I. AGENT
UNDER J. EDGAR HOOVER.

HE LOOKS REALLY SERIOUS.

HE NEVER LAUGHED ONE TIME
IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

UNLESS, OF COURSE,
IT WAS AN ORDER.

HE MUST'VE BEEN, UM,

A REAL FUN GUY.

THEY USED TO CALL HIM
THE 24-HOUR MAN BECAUSE, UH,

THERE WASN'T A CASE
THAT HE COULDN'T SOLVE
IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS.

THAT'S AMAZING.
HOW LONG DOES IT
TAKE YOU ?

SO, MISS RANDALL,
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WITNESSED
THE FLINT KIDNAPPING ?

OH, WELL, UH, I DIDN'T
WITNESS IT, ACTUALLY.

UM, D.C. SORT OF
STUMBLED ONTO IT.

- AT HOME, UH, SLEEPING.

WELL, HOW COME
HE DIDN'T COME WITH YOU ?

WELL, I WASN'T SURE
IF YOU ALLOWED PETS
IN THE BUILDING.

HE'S A CAT.

IT'S-IT'S--
HE'S MY CAT.

AS IN-- AS IN
MORRIS THE--

YEAH.

D.C.'S ACTUALLY
A BIG FAN.
THIS IS REAL FUNNY.

HA, HA, HA !
JOKE'S ON ME, BOYS ! HA, HA !

SEND ZEKE
THE KID WITH THE CAT !

I BUST MY BUTT TO BE TAKEN
SERIOUSLY IN THIS PLACE.
THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME ?

AND IN FRONT OF MY FATHER,
NO LESS !

AGENT KELSO, MY CAT
DID SEE SOMETHING, OKAY ?

I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D
TRY TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.

YOU KNOW, YOU-YOU SEND ME
A-A-A-A WITNESS...

THAT DOESN'T HAVE FOUR LEGS
AND USE A SANDBOX,
AND I'LL GO TO WORK.

LOOK, THIS IS WHAT I GOT
OFF MY CAT, OKAY ?

LOOKIT, SEE, IT SAYS,
"HElP" ON THE BACK.
I THINK IT'S FROM HER.

OKAY.

I-I-I KNOW THIS LOOKS
A LITTLE ODD, YOU KNOW--

ODD ? IT SOUNDS
LIKE YOU'RE 12 SHORT
OF A DOZEN, KELSO.

IT'S NOT EVEN A HUNCH.
IT'S MORE
THAN A HUNCH.

LOOK, I--

I CHECKED THIS, UH,
THIS SALES RECORD
FOR THIS MODEL 705 TIMEX.

NOW, THIS WAS
A PROMOTIONAL LINE,

MEANING THERE WERE ONLY A COUPLE
SOLD IN THE BOSTON AREA.

I CHECKED WITH THE FLINTS.
THEY BOUGHT ONE FOR THEIR MAID
FOR CHRISTMAS.

I MEAN, IT'S A GENUINE
GUT INSTINCT !

WELL, FAR BE IT FROM ME TO
INTERFERE WITH A GUT INSTINCT.

ZEKE,

GO TAIL THE CAT.

GOOD ONE.
GOOD ONE, SIR. GOOD ONE.

OH, OH, I'M GONNA NEED
A TEAM FOR THIS ONE. MM-HMM.

A TEAM ?

PLEASE ?

- OKAY.

TAKE FOUR MEN
ONE EVENING.

BUT YOU BETTER COME BACK
WITH MORE THAN A WHISKER.

ANOTHER GOOD ONE, SIR.
THANK YOU, SIR. I COULD--
I COULD KISS YOU, SIR.

YOU COULD.

BUT I WOULDN'T
RECOMMEND IT.

KISS ME.

CATS.

HEY.

HEY !

- NOW THIS IS GOING TOO FAR.

[ Meowing,
Laughing ]

SO EVERY NIGHT AT 8:00
THE CAT GOES OUT.

YEP.

HMM. WELL, THEN,
I'LL BE OVER AT 7:00.
PRETTY NIFTY WHEELS.

NOT EVERY DAY YOU SEE
A CAR WITH SHAG CARPETING
AND A BOBBING DOG HEAD.

THANKS.
I DID IT MYSELF.

NEVER
WOULD HAVE GUESSED.

TWO CHOCOLATE SODAS.

DON'T DRINK 'EM
TOO FAST.
YOUR HEAD'LL FREEZE.

UH, HERE WE GO, PA.
THE AFTERNOON RUSH.

PATTI ! WHAT ARE YOU UP TO ?
NOTHING.
I'M NOT UP TO ANYTHING.

I JUST CAME TO SEE YOU.

I DID. CAN'T I MISS
MY MOM AND DAD ?

MOM, COME ON.
PATTI, WHAT'S WRONG ?

NOTHING.

SHE JUST CAME TO SAY, "HI."

ACTUALLY, I CAME
TO SURPRISE YOU GUYS.

TWO TICKETS TO C-- CATS.

OH, HONEY, LOOK.

THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE
ROAD COMPANY AT
THE OAKEN BUCKET DINNER THEATER.

- OH !

WELL, I KNOW I'VE BEEN
KIND OF A PAIN LATELY,

SO I WANTED
TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
OHH !

THIS IS FOR TONIGHT.
THERE'S DINNER WITH THE SHOW.

ALL THE PRIME RIB
YOU CAN EAT, SO GO.

OHH !
THANK YOU,
HONEY !

AH, WHAT A LITTLE GAL.

SHE IS GONNA BE OKAY.

FIRST THING I HAVE TO DO
IS PHOTOGRAPH THE WITNESS.

- HEY !

- OH, BE CAREFUL.
HE SCRATCHES.

- NO, I'M ALLERGIC.

COULD YOU JUST...
PUT HIM ON THE TABLE, PLEASE ?

OKAY, BUT USUALLY
WE YELL AT HIM WHEN
HE GETS ON THE TABLE.

HEY, WHAT'S THAT ?

A CLUE. IT'S A TWIG,
BUT IT'S A CLUE.

IT'S RED, AND IT'S STICKY.

- MAYBE BLOOD.
- BLOOD.

I NEED TO BAG THIS, LABEL THIS
AND CATALOG THIS. DO YOU HAVE
A BAG AND A LABEL ?

I HAVE SARAN WRAP
AND MASKING TAPE.

DESPERATE TIMES CALL
FOR DESPERATE MEASURES.

- IT'S MY TEAM.

OF COURSE
I HAVE A TEAM.

EVERY AGENT
HAS A TEAM.

WHAT'S THE POINT ?
I'D JUST BE HAPPY TO GET
HOME EARLY TONIGHT.

GENTLEMEN !

TONIGHT... YOU'LL BE
TAILING INFORMANT X.

- AND I HOPE THAT LEADS US
TO THE KIDNAPPERS.
- MM-HMM.

NOW IT'S IMPORTANT THAT
INFORMANT X NOT BE AWARE
OF YOUR PRESENCE.

HE'S VERY--
VERY SKITTISH.
HERE ARE HIS STATS.

EYES: LIGHT BROWN.

HAIR: GRAY.

- WEIGHT: TEN POUNDS.

- HE'S A CAT.
- AW, COME ON, MAN.
WHAT'S THE JOKE ?

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY,
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY !

I WILL COORDINATE ALL ACTIVITIES
HERE AT COMMAND CENTRAL.
THAT'S THE CAT'S HOME.

- CAT-QUARTERS.

- COME ON, Y'ALL,
THIS IS SERIOUS.
- ZEKE.

IT'S A CAT.

COME ON, COME ON !
THIS IS SERIOUS !

THIS IS KELSO.
DOES EVERYBODY READ ?

- BLUE TEAM IN POSITION.
- TABBY PATROL IN POSITION.

RED TEAM IN POSITION.

SORRY, MAN.
JUST COUGHED UP A HAIR BALL.

THEY'RE GOOD MEN, MY TEAM.
EXCELLENT SENSES OF HUMOR.

I-IT HELPS
TO EASE THE TENSION.

HOW'D IT GET SO COLD
ALL OF A SUDDEN ?

STAND BY ! INFORMANT X
IS LEAVING THE HOUSE !

- WEIRD.

WHAT'S
THE DEAL ?

WHY ISN'T HE MOVING ?
HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE MOVING.

OKAY. GO !

HIT THE ROAD.

**
HE'S OFF.

HE'S MOVIN'. HE'S MOVIN'.

- YOU'RE NOT A CAT PERSON,
ARE YOU.

OH.

OKAY, MEN.
HERE HE COMES.

HE'S ON THE MOVE.
HERE HE COMES. YEAH.
HE JUST TURNED RIGHT.

I DON'T SEE ANYTHING.

NO, WAIT.
I GOT HIM.

AFTER YOU.

YOU'RE TALLER.

GO FIRST.
UH, THANKS A LOT.

YEAH.
GREAT.

COME ON.
LET'S GET THIS DONE.
OKAY.

COME ON.
GIVE ME YOUR FOOT.
HERE WE GO.

READY ?
YEAH, I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.

I GOT IT ! I GOT IT !
AAH !

YOU FORGOT THIS.
FINE.

PERFECT.

WHAT THE HELL'S
OUT THERE ?

OH, N-N-NO ! NO !

- OH, GET HIM OFF ME ! AAH !

AAH ! GET HIM OFF ME,
PLEASE !

P-P-PETE, IT'S KELSO !
WHAT'S GOIN' ON OUT THERE ?

- SWING HIM AROUND,
AND I'LL SHOOT HIM !

GET HIM OFF ME !
NO ! DO NOT
SHOOT THE CAT.

DO NOT SHOOT INFORMANT X.
I REPEAT, DO NOT SHOOT
INFORMANT X !

WE WEREN'T GONNA SHOOT
INFORMANT X. IT'S A DOG.
IT'S A RABID BULLDOG !

THE BULLDOG'S SMOKEY.
AND HE'S NOT RABID.

HE'S JUST SENILE.
YOU HAVE TO SING
TO HIM A LITTLE BIT.

HE'S A MOTOWN FAN.
DO YOU KNOW ANY MOTOWN ?

GET HIM OFF ME !
COME ON !

HE'S GOT MY BUTT !
OHH ! OHH ! OHH !
COME ON NOW ! OOH !

[ Both Screaming,
Groaning ]

BIG DOG !

THE CAT JUST JUMPED
FROM A ROOF ONTO A TERRACE.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

- YOW ! OW ! OW !

- TWO DOWN.

- A QUIET TARGET
IS AN EASY TARGET.

USING THE SIREN
WAS A GOOD IDEA.

OKAY.
I GOT HIM NOW.

OKAY, DUSTY. LET'S SEE WHAT
YOU KEEP HIDDEN IN THE TRUNK.

HOLY SMOKES !

WEIRD TOWN, MAN.

HE'S NOT TALKING
ABOUT EDGEFIELD.

I BELIEVE HE IS, MISS RANDALL.
AND THESE MEN HAVE SEEN IT ALL.

[ Metal Clattering,
Man Muttering ]

DARN CAT !

TRY DRIVING THAT AWAY, SUCKER !

HEE-HEE-HEE !
YES, SIREE !

KELSO, MAN, I CANNOT
MAKE THIS PLACE OUT.

- LOOKS LIKE THE COAST IS CLEAR.

OKAY, YOU COVER ME.
I COVER YOU.

- OKAY, GO ! GO !

WHAT A PRETTY PINK BOW.
- DON'T TOUCH IT !

IS IT TICKING ?
I'LL SEE.

NO.

HEY, MEAT !

MEAT ? THAT'S A THREAT.
LIKE A DEAD FISH
ON THE DOORSTEP.

MOB... OR WORSE.

VEGETARIANS ?
GET INSIDE.

OH ! DON'T STEP
ON THE MEAT. OH !

I JUST SAW SOME VIXEN DELIVER
MEAT TO A COUPLE OF GUYS.

EX-EXCUSE ME-- EXCUSE ME.
WE HAVE A YOUNG GIRL
IN THE ROOM HERE.

NO, ZEKE, I JUST SAW SOME WOMAN
DELIVER ACTUAL MEAT
TO A COUPLE OF GUYS.

CAT'S ON THE MOVE.

MELVIN, YOU MAN THE WINDOW
OBSERVATION POINT.

NOBODY THERE.

TALK TO ME, MAN !
WHAT'S GOIN' ON OUT THERE ?

TALK TO ME !
BE CAREFUL, THE SUSPECT
COULD BE DANGEROUS !

[ Mrs. McCracken
Chattering ]

ARE YOUR PIZZAS
EXTRA YUMMY ?

AND HOW OLD ARE YOU ?

OH, 16.
ARE YOU A PIZZA FACE ?

JUST SOUNDS LIKE
SOME SWEET OLD LADY.

OH, DON'T BE SO TESTY.
I'M JUST FUNNIN'. HA.

MR. PEPPERONI CHEEKS.
I'M GONNA GET
A LITTLE CLOSER.

HELLO, HELLO ?
I CAN HANG UP ON YOU TOO.

WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS ?

WHOA !
- HELP ! HELP !

WHO'S OUT THERE ?

THE CAT GOT
THE DROP ON ME.

IT WAS SWEET OF PATTI
TO GIVE US THOSE TICKETS.

WHAT A NICE LITTLE GIRL
WE HAVE THERE.

SHE IS THE BEST.
MM-HMM.
MM-HMM.

DO YOU THINK
SHE'S HAPPY, HONEY ?

SHE'S A TEENAGER.
SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE HAPPY.

TRUE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
HUH ?

YOU DON'T SMOKE CIGARS.
WELL, I DON'T
BUY CIGARS.

IF A GUY IN A CAT SUIT
GIVES ME A FREE ONE,
I'M GONNA SMOKE IT.

WELL, NOT IN MY CAR,
YOU'RE NOT.
AM I SUPPOSED
TO WALK HOME ?

ABSOLUTELY.

I WILL LEAVE
THE LIGHT ON FOR YOU.

SEE THAT YOU DO.

REALLY ? HMM.
MMM.

KELSO, THIS CAT HAS BEEN
SITTING HERE FOR AN HOUR.

- NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO DO ?
D.C. ?

WHAT'RE YOU DOIN' HERE ?

D.C., IT'S ME.
HONEY !

D.C. !
KELSO, AN UNIDENTIFIED MAN'S
ABDUCTING THE CAT !

WELL, DON'T LET HIM.
WE NEED THE CAT !

D.C. !

HOLD IT.
DON'T MOVE.

ALL RIGHT, CAT MAN.
UP AGAINST THE CAR.

AW, THE CAT'S
GETTIN' AWAY.

MILLER, DETAIN THE SUSPECT.

PHIL, STEVE,
STAY WITH THE CAT.

WHERE'S HE GOIN' NOW ?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M NOT A COMPASS.

OH, THERE HE IS.
ALL RIGHT, GO !

NO, HE'S GOIN'
IN THE TREES.
I HATE TREES.

YOU ALL RIGHT ?
YEAH, I'M FINE.

WHERE'D HE GO ?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M ALL TURNED AROUND.

THERE HE IS.
THERE HE IS.

KELSO, THE CAT
HAS ENTERED A HOUSE.

- I CAN SEE THE SHADOWS
OF TWO UNIDENTIFIABLE PEOPLE.

AWAITING ORDERS, ZEKE.

ARE YOU SCARED ?

N-NOT SCARED, PATTI.
JUST CAUTIOUS.

IN LIFE, IT'S IMPORTANT
TO BE PRUDENT.

AND BESIDES,
IF THESE GUYS GET KILLED,
I'M IN BIG TROUBLE.

- YOU'RE GOIN' IN !
- ONE.

- TWO.
- THREE !

DON'T-DON'T-DON'T MOVE !
UH-OH.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A DOORBELL.

NOW, ALL WE WANT
TO KNOW...

IS WHAT YOU WANTED
WITH THE CAT.

I TOLD YOU,
HE'S MY CAT.

BUT IF HE MEANS
THAT MUCH TO YOU,
YOU CAN HAVE HIM.

YOU'RE IN SERIOUS
TROUBLE, MISTER.

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL
F.B.I. INVESTIGATION.

I JUST WANNA KNOW
YOUR NAME !

DON'T LIE TO ME !

'CAUSE I CAN TELL
WHEN A MAN'S LYING.
I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH HIM.

RANDALL.
I'M PETER RANDALL.

PETER RANDALL.

YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN
TO BE RELATED...

TO A PATTI RANDALL,
WOULD YOU ?

HEY, MATA HARI.
WHAT'S UP WITH YOU ?

YOU ON STAKEOUT ?

WELL, WHEN
THEY ARRESTED ME...

FOR PICKING UP MY OWN CAT,
THAT WAS A RED FLAG.

I'M REALLY SORRY.
I MEANT TO TELL YOU TOO.

IT'S JUST THAT...
NO ONE WOULD LISTEN
TO ME ABOUT THE WATCH.

YEAH. UH, LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
THAT A KID LIKE YOU...

GOT A WHOLE SQUAD
OF F.B.I. MEN...

DOWN HERE TO EDGEFIELD TO FOLLOW
YOUR CAT AROUND ALL NIGHT ?

I'M IMPRESSED.

YOU THINK MOM
WOULD FEEL THAT WAY ?

- NOT A CHANCE.

MMM, WELL,
I GUESS IT'S ALL RIGHT...

IF A FATHER AND A DAUGHTER
HAVE ONE SECRET.

MERCI.

YEAH, I'M THE BEST.

JUST DON'T SPREAD IT AROUND.
I GOT A REPUTATION TO MAINTAIN.

NOW YOU GO TO SLEEP.

AND PATTI,

TRY AND MAKE A HUMAN FRIEND,
FOR YOUR MOTHER.

HEY.

UH--

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?
- UH--

GO BACK TO SLEEP.
THIS IS A DREAM.

PETER, IT IS 6:30 !

RE-- I GOT 6:24, HONEY.

I HAVE BEEN OUT
OF MY MIND WITH WORRY.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ?

WELL, YOU KNOW--

WELL,

IT WAS A VERY LONG CIGAR.

AND ?
AND...

I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME
WITH YOU LAST NIGHT.

EXCUSE ME ?
I HAD THE PRETTIEST DATE.

I ALWAYS DO.
OH, I DON'T
BELIEVE THIS.

THIS IS THE MOST INCONSIDERATE
THING YOU'VE EVER DONE.

I GUESS WE CAN TALK
ABOUT THIS IN THE MORNING
THEN, HUH ?

OOH.

IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME,
UH, I'LL BE
DOWN HERE, OKAY ?

BOY, YOU SURE HAD
A BIG NIGHT,
DIDN'T YOU, KELSO ?

LOOK, CAPTAIN,
I-I KNOW IT LOOKS BAD--
BAD ?

NO, WE PASSED "BAD"
AN HOUR AGO.

RIGHT NOW WE'RE ON
MAJOR CAREER BUNGLE.

IF IT WAS UP TO ME RIGHT NOW,
I WOULD TAKE YOUR GUN.

I WOULD TAKE YOUR BADGE.

BUT YOU'D LET ME KEEP
MY PARKING PERMIT. THAT
MUST MEAN YOU LIKE ME, RIGHT ?

I GUESS I'M
OFF THE CASE, RIGHT ?

YOU'RE OFF THE CASE.

HEY, CAPTAIN,
LEMME SAY JUST ONE THING--
YOU'RE ALMOST OUT OF THE BUREAU.

WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME COFFEE

OH, BOY.
I NEED TO SOLVE THIS CRIME
TO KEEP MY JOB.

RANDALL.
HEY, KELSO.

I'M JUST DOING A LITTLE
RESEARCH ON SOME PEOPLE.
AND WHAT'D YOU FIND ?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

THE THING IS, I THINK THAT,
THOUGH SLIGHTLY OBNOXIOUS,
YOU ACTUALLY ARE ONTO SOMETHING.

OH, REALLY ?

BECAUSE I THINK YOU, ALTHOUGH
PAINFULLY INEPT, ARE MY ONLY
SHOT AT FINDING THIS WOMAN.

- THANKS.

NO. F.B.I. AGENT AND KID.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?

I'M GOING
OUT TO THE TOOLSHED
TO GET A SCREWDRIVER.

OH, HONEY,
PLEASE DON'T CRY.
IT'S JUST A SCREWDRIVER.

OH, IT'S NOT THE SCREWDRIVER,
PETER, AND YOU KNOW IT.

IN 20 WONDERFUL YEARS
OF MARRIAGE,

YOU HAVE NEVER KEPT
ANYTHING FROM ME.

YOU TOLD ME ABOUT
THAT AUNT JEMIMA THING.

IT WAS HALLOWEEN.
I WAS 13 YEARS OLD--

YOU TOLD ME HOW THEY
CALLED YOU TUBBY IN SCHOOL.

JUST UNTIL SIXTH GRADE.
I WISH YOU HADN'T
BROUGHT THAT UP.

PETER, YOU ARE KEEPING
SOMETHING FROM ME.

YOU KNOW,
THAT TUBBY STUFF...

IS STILL KINDA PAINFUL
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.

FORGET IT.

THIS IS SUPPOSED
TO BE BLOOD ?

THAT'S HOW
IT WAS LABELED.

YOU'D BETTER
GET BOETTICHER.

WHY DO THESE STREET LIGHTS
KEEP ON FLICKERING ?

THANKS FOR INCLUDING ME
IN THE INVESTIGATION.

HEY, THIS IS NOT
AN INVESTIGATION.

THIS IS ME AND YOU
WALKIN' AROUND SO YOU CAN
SHOW ME YOUR TOWN, OKAY ?

I'VE GOTTA GET HIM.
HE'S GONNA GET HURT.
STAY BACK, I'LL HANDLE THIS.

HURRY UP.
DON'T WORRY.

* BABY LOVE
MY BABY LOVE *

WOW. YOU CAN
REALLY BELT IT OUT.

THANK YOU.
THURSDAY NIGHT'S
MY KARAOKE NIGHT.

PARTY OF TEN ?
YEAH.

I'D LIKE TO CHARTER
A PLANE TO ARGENTINA.

NO LUGGAGE,
ONE WAY.

AND I'D LIKE
EXTRA NUTS.
WHO IS THAT ?

THAT'S OLD LADY MCCRACKEN.
BUT I THOUGHT SHE WAS A SHUT-IN.
I INSIST ON IT.

FIRST CLASS.
SPARE NO EXPENSE.

I'M LOADED.

* I'M TOO SEXY
FOR MY SHIRT *

UH, PATTI, ABOUT THE BUTCHER--
YES ?

- YES, I GOT THE ORDER.

WELL, I WAS AFRAID
IT MIGHT GO BAD.

WELL, IT BETTER BE
DELIVERED BY TOMORROW,
OR ELSE IT'S DEAD MEAT.

TOMORROW ?
TOMORROW'S THE DAY
THE RANSOM'S DUE.

OH, SHE'S DEFINITELY
IN ON IT.

IT MUST BE SOME KIND OF,
LIKE, KIDNAPPERS' CODE.

KIDNAPPERS' CODE ?

OH !
* I'M TOO SEXY
FOR YOUR BODY **

OH, NOT AGAIN !

SO, LU IS A SPY
FOR McCRACKEN,

WHO'S, LIKE, THE BRAINS
BEHIND THE WHOLE THING.

SO, MELVIN AND MARVIN
ARE, LIKE, MUSCLE GUYS ?

- SO, WHY'S SHE HIDIN'
IN THE ALLEY ?
- HEY ! LAMB CHOPS !

WHOEVER IS STALKING US
IS PROBABLY WATCHING US...

RIGHT NOW !

- HEY, IT LOOKS LIKE
HE'S SIGNALING SOMEBODY.

NO ! WHAT IN THE NAME
OF ALL THAT IS GOOD STILL LEFT
IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING ?

I WAS THANKING
WHOEVER LEFT THE MEAT.

THAN--
MELVIN !

YOU'RE A BURGER AND A FRIES
SHORT OF A HAPPY MEAL.

W-W-WAIT ! HEY, HEY ! OH !

A FULL HAPPY MEAL.
ACT NATURAL.
DON'T LOOK SUSPICIOUS.

- LAMB CHOPS DOWN THE DRAIN.

ALL RIGHT,
SO I'VE GOT IT.

LU, MELVIN, MARVIN
AND McCRACKEN
ARE ALL IN ON IT.

AND WHEN LU
DROPS OFF THE MEAT,

THEY TRANSPORT THE MAID
TO A HIDING PLACE
THAT McCRACKEN PICKS.

THIS'LL STICK IN YOUR TANK,
DUSTY.

OKAY, DUSTY,
YOU WANNA PLAY HARDBALL ?

ALL RIGHT.
THIS'LL TEACH YOU
TO RIP ME OFF.

TAKE THAT... AND THIS !

- THIS !

STAY BACK !

YOU OKAY ?

WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK
SOMEBODY...

WHO JUST HAD THEIR HEAD SLAMMED
INTO SOMETHING HARD
IF THEY'RE OKAY ?

B-B-B-BLEAH !
[ Dispatcher Speaking
On Police Radio ]

THAT DUNKIN' DONUT SHOP
AT BALLARD. CAN YOU BRING ME
BACK A SPRINKLE ?

OH, I WONDER HOW
THAT HAPPENED ?
HEE-HEE !

WELL, IT'S OBVIOUSLY
A CONSPIRACY.

I MEAN, THEY'RE HIDING
IN SKI MASKS,

MAKING PLANS TO SKIP OFF
TO ARGENTINA.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS WHOLE TOWN
IS FULL OF CRIMINALS.

- PATTI, WOULD YOU STOP
JUMPIN' TO CONCLUSIONS ?
THESE PEOPLE ARE NUTS.

CAR 13, CAR 13.
WE HAVE A REPORT
OF TWO UNIDENTIFIED SUSPECTS.

ONE MALE, ONE FEMALE,
TRESPASSING.
COULD BE PROWLERS. OVER.

UGH, WHAT A MESS.
HE'S ALL COVERED
IN STICKERS AND TWIGS.

STICKERS AND TWIGS ?

THIS IS WHERE D.C.
GOT THE BLOODY TWIG.

LIZZY WAS DRAGGED
THROUGH THESE LEAVES.

OFFICERS,
NO NEED FOR ALARM.

- FREEZE !
- I'M A FEDERAL AGENT.

- HOLD IT !
- I'M-I'M GONNA GET MY I.D.

FORGET ABOUT THE I.D.

IF YOU'RE AN F.B.I. AGENT,
I'M OPRAH WINFREY.

- OH, I LOVE YOUR SHOW !
- GET IN THE CAR.

IN THE BACK, IN THE CAR.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS. THEY CAN'T
DO ANYTHING TO US ANYWAY.

ALL RIGHT, PUT YOUR HANDS
ON TOP OF THE CAR.
SPREAD YOUR LEGS.

WELL, NOW.
WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE ?

...DON'T FORGET
TO CALL YOUR WIFE.

HMM ?

CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE ?

GOOD ONE.

DID I TAKE YOU OFF THIS CASE ?
WAS THAT ME ?

UM, SIR, I THINK YOU MIGHT
FIND THIS INTERESTING.

UM, WE FOUND THE SOURCE
OF-OF THE BLOODY TWIG.

THE BLOODY TWIG ?
MMM-HMM.

- OH.

THE BLOODY TWIG IS A STEM
FROM A MARASCHINO CHERRY !

OH. NEVER MIND.

KELSO,

OUT OF RESPECT
TO YOUR FATHER,

I'VE TRIED TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND,
BUT I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.

YOU'RE AN INCOMPETENT AGENT...

AND AN EMBARRASSMENT
TO THE DEPARTMENT.

OH, PATTI !

NOW IT'S, UH, MY TURN.

YOU SEE ?
I WAS NOT LYING TO YOU.

THERE'S NO DEEP,
DARK SECRETS HERE.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE
A GOOD FATHER.

BELIEVE ME,
IT'S THE LAST TIME.

THIS IS HOW YOU HELP HER,
BY LETTING HER RUN AROUND
UNTIL SHE ENDS UP IN PRISON ?

I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO ANSWER THAT.

I'M CAPTAIN BOETTICHER,
MRS. RANDALL, MR. RANDALL.

ON BEHALF
OF THE BUREAU,

I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE
FOR GETTING YOUR GIRL
INVOLVED IN ALL OF THIS.

WELL, I DO HAVE TO SAY,
I FIND IT SURPRISING...

THAT YOU WOULD LISTEN
TO A 16-YEAR-OLD
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

WELL, MA'AM,

THE WATCH WITH "HELP" ON IT
WAS A VERY CONVINCING
PIECE OF EVIDENCE.

IT DIDN'T SAY "HELP."
IT SAID "HELL."

- IT SAID "HELP."
- NO, IT SAID "HELL."

NO, I BELIEVE IT SAID "HELP."

NO, IT DEFINITELY SAID
"H-E-L-L."

WOW, MOM !
YOU SWORE.

I'M SORRY.

THE EDGEFIELD INVESTIGATION...
IS CLOSED.

YOU CAN'T GO TO THE MOVIES.
YOU CAN'T WATCH TV.

YOU CAN'T EAT DESSERT.
YOU CAN'T GO OUT
WITH YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS.

SHE DOESN'T DO
THOSE THINGS ANYWAY.

YOU HAVE PUT ME
IN A TERRIBLE POSITION
IN THIS TOWN, PATTI.

YOU HAVE BEEN HURLING
ACCUSATIONS. YOU HAVE GOTTEN
INNOCENT PEOPLE ARRESTED.

- I'M SORRY.
- SORRY IS JUST NOT
GOOD ENOUGH, PATTI.

NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF
A PERSON YOU ARE CHOOSING TO BE,

BUT IT IS NOT ONE
THAT I AM VERY PROUD OF
RIGHT NOW.

WHILE WE ARE
AT THE CAT SHOW,

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO THINK...

ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE
THAT YOU HAVE HURT...

BY YOUR JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS,
ALL RIGHT ?

PETER !
YOU GO--

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

I DON'T BELONG HERE ANYWAY.

ONE TICKET TO NEW YORK, PLEASE.

ONE
ONE-WAY.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

HEY !
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

WAITIN' FOR A TRAIN.
OH.

SO WHERE YOU GOIN' ?

I DON'T KNOW,
ANYWHERE THAT'S
NOT HERE.

THIS IS KIND OF SUDDEN,
ISN'T IT ?

I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT
IN ANY KIND OF...
TROUBLE, ARE YOU ?

NO. WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT ?

NOTHING.
WHAT'S IN THE BAG ?

CLOTHING,
BOOKS, PICTURES,
A VEAL ROAST,

PIECES OF MY NOTHING LIFE.

LU, I SENSE DEPRESSION.

OH, I JUST GOTTA
GET OUTTA HERE.

I'M TIRED OF BEING
IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE
WHO DOESN'T LOVE ME.

YOU'RE IN LOVE ?
WITH WHO ?

- MELVIN YAZBO.

YES. I'VE SECRETLY BEEN IN LOVE
WITH HIM FOR YEARS.

WATCHING HIM PATROL,
KNOWING HE'D LAY DOWN
HIS LIFE FOR SOMEONE IN NEED.

I LEFT MEAT ON HIS DOORSTEP.

LAMB CHOPS,
VEAL CHOPS, PORK CHOPS.
HE LIKES CHOPS.

I WAS ALWAYS TOLD,
A WAY TO A MAN'S HEART
WAS THROUGH HIS STOMACH,

THAT A NICE STEAK
SPELLED LOVE.

THAT'S WHY YOU LEFT
THE MEAT ?

I THOUGHT HE'D
FIGURE IT OUT.

I'VE BEEN GETTING THINGS
REALLY WRONG.

I MEAN, MAYBE HE-HE DID
FIGURE IT OUT, AND HE'S
JUST NOT INTERESTED.

NO. NO. I THINK
YOU'RE WAY OFF, LU.

MELVIN IS TOTALLY GETTABLE.

- NOT BY ME.
- LU, HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED.

YOU CAN'T GO AROUND
STARING AT HIM AND LEAVING
ANONYMOUS PIECES OF MEAT.

BUT THEY'RE THE BEST CUTS.
NO VISIBLE FAT.

LU, YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT.
THERE'S A RIGHT WAY AND A WRONG
WAY TO GET TO KNOW PEOPLE.

- MAYBE IF I WERE
MORE LIKE YOU.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW,
SHARP, FUNNY, OUTGOING.
YOU DRESS SO COOL.

I BET YOU'RE
REALLY POPULAR.

I WOULDN'T BET A LOT.

BUT YOU'RE SO YOUNG.
HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THIS ?

I GUESS I JUST FIGURED IT OUT,
LIKE, TWO SECONDS AGO.

EXPRESS TRAIN TO BOSTON
AND NEW YORK...

NOW ARRIVING
FROM BELLOWS FALLS
AND WORCESTER.

THE TRAIN'S COMING.
YEAH.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE CASH IN OUR TICKETS AND
GIVE THIS PLACE ANOTHER SHOT.

I'D SAY IT SOUNDS GOOD.

I NEED A TUNE-UP
AND AN OIL CHANGE.

I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU
MY WALLET.

IT'LL MAKE IT EASIER
FOR YOU TO ROB ME BLIND.

NO PROBLEM.
THE CAR'LL BE READY
IN 30 MINUTES.

I'LL DO IT IN 28.
YOU WANT A FAT LIP ?

WELL, REMEMBER.
HE'S SHY, SO BE BOLD.
THANKS.

SEE YA LATER, PATTI.
BYE.

WHY CAN'T YOU EVER JUST
TORTURE MICE OR SOMETHING ?

HUH ?

HEY.

WHAT'S THIS ?

HUH ? D.C. !

D.C. !

MELVIN !

LU ?

WOW ! OW !
I THINK YOU BIT MY LIP.

OH.
I LIKED IT.

I SENT YOU THE MEAT !

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.

BEST CUTS.
NO VISIBLE FAT.

YOU NOTICED.
HOW COULD I NOT ?

I-I NEED MY INHALER.

OH, MY GOODNESS.
NORMAN !
W-W-WAIT. COME WITH ME.

NORMAN, I THINK
I'M ENGAGED !
YEA !

I'M GONNA
STRANGLE YOU, D.C. !

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

D.C. !

KIDNAPPING IS A,
IS A DOUBLE TRAGEDY...

FOR ELAINE AND ME,
FIRST, BECAUSE WE LOVE LIZZY,

AND, UH, SECOND,
BECAUSE WE'RE BROKE.

SNACK ROOM.
AND I'M OUT OF DECAF.

SO IF YOU WANT SOME,
YOU GO DOWN THE BLOCK
AND GET IT YOURSELF, OKAY ?

ZEKE, IT'S PATTI.
I KNOW WHERE SHE IS.
D.C. FOUND HER.

SAY GOOD-BYE, PATTI.
NO, NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I'M RIGHT OUTSIDE.

NO, NO,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU FALSIFIED EVIDENCE.
YOU MANUFACTURED A WITNESS.
YOU MADE ME LOOK STUPID.

I'M SORRY.
I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY.
I'M CLEANIN' CUPS.

MY COFFEE'S DONE.
I GOTTA GO.

[ Footsteps,
Clattering ]

OW. THAT MUST'VE HURT.
OH, GOOD.
AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU !

WHO ARE YOU ?
OH, I'M THE ONE
WHO FOUND YOUR WATCH.

OH, THANK GOD
SOMEBODY FOUND IT.

THEY ALMOST CAUGHT ME.
I DIDN'T GET
TO FINISH THE "P."

OH, DON'T WORRY.
I DID IT FOR YOU.

I'LL HAVE YOU
OUTTA HERE IN A SEC'.

OH, MY GOD !
IT'S YOU !

**

THE CELEBRITY JUDGE
SHOULD BE HERE MOMENTARILY.

THIS IS A DISASTER.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE
OVER 30 MINUTES AGO.

WELL, HONEY, YOU KNOW
THESE HOLLYWOOD TYPES--
FASHIONABLY LATE.

MAYBE HE LEFT A MESSAGE
ON THE MACHINE AT HOME.

[ Judge Speaking
Over Microphone ]

HELLO. YOU'VE REACHED
THE RANDALL RESIDENCE.

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR PATTI,
I'VE LEFT TOWN TO GO AND DEPRESS
SOME OTHER ONCE-HAPPY COMMUNITY.

DON'T WORRY,
I'M NOT COMING BACK.

IF YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR MY PARENTS,
LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE BEEP.

REGULAR OR DECAF ?

HELLO, AGENT KELSO ?
THIS IS MRS. RANDALL,
PATTI'S MOTHER.

IS PATTI WITH YOU ?

WE CAN'T FIND HER,
AND WE'RE AFRAID
THAT SHE MAY BE MISSING.

UH, NO, MS. RANDALL,
BUT WHEREVER SHE IS,
I'M SURE SHE'S FINE.

OH, WELL...

UH... THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GOOD-BYE.

WHAT TO DO ?
WHAT TO DO ?
WHAT TO DO ?

WELL, IF I GO, THEN IT'S
AN AUTOMATIC SUSPENSION,

POSSIBLE TERMINATION,
CAREER AS A COFFEE BEAN EXPERT.

BUT, ON THE OTHER HAND,
YOU KNOW, THE KID'S
IN TROUBLE, SO--

YOU WOULD GO, WOULDN'T YOU ?

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
WHERE TO START, WHERE TO START,
WHERE TO START ?

BUTCHER !

- LOVE MEAT !

BUTCHER !
BUTCHER, BUTCHER, BUTCHER.

OKAY, McCRACKEN,
SECURITY GUARD.

OKAY, PATTI SAID THE BUTCHER
SIGNALS THE SECURITY GUARDS
WHERE THE MAID IS.

ALL RIGHT,
WHEN SHE'S DOING THAT,

WHAT ARE THE REST
OF THEM DOING ?

F.B.I.

MRS. McCRACKEN !
PLEASE, PUT YOUR TEETH BACK IN
BEFORE YOU LOSE 'EM AGAIN.

HOW COULD I LOSE 'EM ?
I NEVER GO ANYWHERE.

OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
COME ON, OPEN IT.

NO, THIS IS WRONG.

SHE'S THE RING LEADER
OF A CONSPIRACY, LIKE,

LIKE A BUTCHER IS A...
A MESSENGER.

THERE'S NOTHING HERE.

WHAT AM I DOING ?
[ False Teeth
Rattling In Glass ]

OKAY, OKAY, I NEED A,
I NEED A NEW STRATEGY.
NO MORE MANUALS.

I GOTTA THINK LIKE A CAT.

A CAT KNOWS.
YEAH, I AM A CAT.

I AM A CAT. I AM A CAT.

THINKIN' LIKE A CAT.
I'M SLINKIN' LIKE A CAT.

I'M SLINKING, THINKING
LIKE A CAT. SLINKING
AND THINKING LIKE A CAT.

MOVING LIKE A CAT.
MOVEMENT.

I AM MOVEMENT.
I AM INSTINCT.
I AM MOTION.

I AM, I AM CRACKING UP.

SLINKING, SLINKING,
SLINKING, SLINKING, SLINKING.

OKAY. I LIKE SLINKING.
IT'S MORE FUN THAN WALKING.

HEY, FELLA,
YOU NEED HELP ?

OKAY, OKAY, D.C. LIKES,
D.C. LIKES... MEAT.

D.C. LIKES TO USE MY HEAD
AS A LAUNCHING PAD.
OH, GREAT.

D.C. LIKES--

GARBAGE !

D.C. LIKES GARBAGE !

COME ON. BRING HER BACK.

THAT'S GOOD.
TAKE IT.

EXCUSE ME ! EXCUSE ME !

UM, HAVE YOU,
HAVE YOU SEEN--

- H-HAVE YOU SEEN
A GRAY AND WHITE CAT ?

RECENTLY.

NO. WANNA HEAR
ABOUT MY LIFETIME ?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR YOUR HELP, SIR.

OKAY, LET'S GO !

TAKE HER AWAY !

CHERRY STEMS !

OH ! AAH !

LOOKIN' FOR CLUES.
LOOKIN' FOR CLUES.
LOOKIN' FOR CLUES.

CABBAGE ! HEY !
I'M ON A TRAIL,
I'M ON A TRAIL, I'M ON A TRAIL.

SORRY, PATTI.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:
CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT.

HELLO ?
HAVE YOU GOT ANY
ROCKY ROAD ?

YES.
YOU BETTER PAVE IT.

F.B.I. !
HIT THE FLOOR
AND DROP THE GUNS !

DROP THE GUN !

YOU OKAY, PATTI ?

WHAT ? NOBODY SAYS
"PLEASE" ANYMORE ?

ZEKE !
YOU SMELL REALLY BAD.
HAPPY TO SEE YOU TOO, PATTI.

WHAT HAPPENED ?

GOT IN A FIGHT WITH
A DUMPSTER AND LOST.
OH.

I'M WATCHIN' YOU.
I'M WATCHIN' YOU.

THANKS.
AND WHO ARE YOU ?

ZEKE KELSO, F.B.I.,
AT YOUR SERVICE, BABY.

OH, WAIT !
WHAT ABOUT D.C. ?

OH, MY !
LET'S NOT FORGET HIM.

OKAY, OKAY, D.C.
L-LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

HEY, COME ON, MAN.
DON'T EVEN START WITH ME.

OKAY ?

GRAB THE GUN, MA.
WE'RE GONERS.
OKAY.

- WE PARTIED AWAY ALL OUR CASH
IN MONTE CARLO.

YEAH. AND THE RIVIERA.

- PLUS, WE WERE BORED
OUT OF OUR SKULLS.
- OH, I CAN RELATE, BUT STILL--

HEY, HEY !
DON'T SASS YOUR ELDERS.
LET'S DO IT, PA.

YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.
I GOT HER.
OH, HERE WE GO AGAIN.

SHUT HER UP, MA.
SO LONG, SUCKERS.

YOU KNOW, TWO CAN TRAVEL
FASTER THAN THREE.

OKAY !

WHERE'S THE CAR ?
IT'S AT DUSTY'S
GETTING A LUBE JOB.

KICK IT IN.
I'D RATHER GO
THROUGH THE WINDOW.

...KEEP THE GETAWAY CAR
NEARBY, PA.
HOW SHOULD I KNOW ?

IT'S MY FIRST KIDNAPPING.

EXCUSE ME, KIDNAPPER ?
I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM.

YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT
BEFORE WE WENT ON THE LAM.

HEY !

AHA ! GOTCHA !

I KNEW IT.
YOU'VE BEEN MESSIN'
WITH MY CARS.

NO, I WASN'T.
I WAS--

JUST LIKE MONACO
IN '67.

EXCEPT I DON'T HAVE
MY OWN TEETH.

I SA-- I SAID,
GET IN THE CAR.

I'M NOT GETTING IN THERE !
COME ON ! GET IN !

LET'S TAKE THE TRUCK !
GREAT !

THEY HAVE A TRANS-AM.
WE HAVE A BEATEN-UP TRUCK.
PATTI !

IT'S NOT THE SIZE OF THE DOG
IN THE FIGHT.

IT'S THE SIZE OF THE FIGHT
IN THE DOG.

GUN IT, PA !
YOU GOT IT, MA !

MA AND PA'S GERITOL
MUST'VE JUST KICKED IN.

YEAH !

OKAY, WE NEED TO CUT 'EM OFF.
GET IN FRONT OF THEM.

THEN THEY'LL
BE CHASING US !

THIS WILL TEACH YOU
TO MESS WITH ME, BUDDY BOY.

- SOMEONE'S MESSED WITH THE CAR.
SHE WON'T TURN RIGHT.
- THEN TURN IT LEFT.

OH, MY GOD, DID YOU SEE THAT ?
THAT WAS, LIKE, A 360 TWICE.
IN FACT, A 720.

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
I DON'T NEED A BATHROOM ANYMORE.

INTO THE SKID, INTO THE SKID,
INTO THE SKID, INTO THE SKID.

* THE MOMENT WE'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR *

* CHEEK TO CHEEK
ON THE BALLROOM FLOOR **

ZEKE, THAT SMELL
IS GETTING WORSE.

- TELL ME SOMETHING
I DON'T KNOW.
- TRY THIS.

- ALL THE KIDS ARE DOING IT.
- ALL THE KIDS ARE WEARING
AIR FRESHENERS NOW ?

- OH, YEAH. IT'S REAL COOL.
- COOL !

WE'RE GAINING ON 'EM.

YOU KNOW,
HE HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY.

THEY'RE GAINING
ON US, MA.

IT'S A DEAD END.
- WATCH THE ROAD.

AH ! IT'S NOT HIM !

SORRY, SORRY, SORRY !

YOU SWING LIKE A GIRL.

OH, YEAH ?
OKAY, THAT'S IT !
YEAH.

I'M SICK AND TIRED
OF YOU PUSHIN' ME,
MISTER.

I'VE GOT
SOMETHING FOR YOU.
OH, YEAH ?

YEAH.
WELL, I'VE GOT
SOMETHING FOR YOU.

OH, YEAH ?
YEAH !

AND DON'T DRIP
ON MY SIDEWALK.
I'LL DRIP WHERE I WANT.

[ Engine Revving,
Tires Squealing ]

I NOTICED YOU DIDN'T USE
YOUR TURN SIGNAL.

OH, GREAT.
SMOKEY'S OUT.

- EVERYBODY BETTER PRACTICE
THEIR MOTOWN.
- HANG ON, D.C. !

DON'T WORRY.
THE F.B.I.'LL FIX THAT.

GO FASTER !
STOP HITTING THINGS !

- HERE.
- OH, YOU'RE SO SWEET.

WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS.

HE'S SMASHIN' WAY MORE STUFF
THAN ME.

STAY DOWN !
STAY DOWN !

WHAT A PLACE
TO PUT A WINDOW ?

- MARVIN, WE'RE UNDER ATTACK !
- WHAT'S YOUR LONGITUDE
AND LATITUDE ?

THE BUTCHER SHOP.
WE'RE AT THE BUTCHER SHOP.

WHAT IS IT WITH
THESE CRIMINALS AND MEAT ?

LOOK, THERE !
IT SAYS "NO LEFT TURN."
CAN'T YOU READ ?

OH, SHUSH.
AND YOUR HANDS ARE
SUPPOSED TO BE AT TWO AND TEN.

AT THIS POINT, I'D TAKE
A HUNDRED BUCKS FOR HER.

THIS IS
MY FAVORITE JUMPSUIT.

AW, AW, HEY, COME ON.
NOT IN THE FACE.

- EAT PAINT !
- EAT FUCHSIA, BALDY !

- I'LL SEE YOU ON THE STREET.
- THIS TOWN HAS GONE
TOTALLY INSANE.

SORRY, I'M LATE, FOLKS.
THE KITTIES NEEDED
NEW HEAD SHOTS.

LOOK AT THE SIZE
OF THAT CAT.

**

OH-WHOA !

I HATE TO BRING THIS UP,
BUT PA'S HEADED STRAIGHT FOR--

- THE GAZEBO !

SORRY, LADIES !
I LIKE ROCK AND ROLL !

- AND SO ARE WE !

MAN, HAS PA GONE
POST OFFICE OR WHAT ?

SHE STILL WON'T TURN RIGHT.
WE GOTTA GO AROUND AGAIN.

I BRAKE FOR ANIMALS !

- ZEKE ! STOP !

D.C. !

THAT DARN CAT.

WHAT'S HAPPENIN' OUT THERE ?

**

YOU AND I FINALLY FOUND LOVE,
AND IT COULD ALL BE OVER.

WHAT A KICK
IN THE BUTT ?

I'VE COME TO RESCUE YOU !

I KNEW YOU WOULD.

I HAD TO. YOU'RE MY BROTHER.

OW.

THANKS, MARV.
OH, YOU KNOW LU ?
HELLO, MARVIN.

YEAH.

LU AND YOU ?

YOU KNOW, MARV,

SOMETIMES HAPPINESS IS RIGHT
IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD...
OR BUTCHER SHOP.

OH, MAN.
I THREW AWAY ALL THOSE CHOPS.

LET'S GET THE HECK
OUT OF THIS TOWN.

ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE.

[ Dusty And Rollo
Shouting, Laughing ]

OH, NO !

HOLY MACKEREL !

JUST A SLEEPY, LITTLE TOWN.
I DON'T SEE HOW YOU STAND IT.

LOW BRIDGE !

OH !

GIMME YOUR AIR FRESHENER.
COME ON.
NO !

NOW I KNOW
WHAT A SARDINE
FEELS LIKE.

JEEZ, IT'S GETTING HOT
AROUND HERE.

I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THE ENGINE.

I WAS RIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ?
LU AND MARVIN FINALLY
GOT IT TOGETHER.

WATCH THE ROAD !

MELVIN, MELVIN !
THEY'VE KNOCKED OUT THE LIGHTS.
GET MY FLASHLIGHT.

ONE MORE PUSH,
AND THIS WILL SIGN THEM OFF !

DON'T MOVE !
OKAY, OKAY.

IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

FREEZE !

IF YOU'D LIKE TO MAKE A CALL,
PLEASE HANG UP AND TRY AGAIN--

I FINALLY LEFT MY APARTMENT.
IF YOU NEED HELP,
HANG UP, THEN DIAL YOUR OPERAT--

- GUESS EVERYTHING TURNED OUT
ALL RIGHT, DIDN'T IT ?
- YEAH, IT WAS REAL GOOD.

PATTI !

MISS ME ?
H-E-L-L YES.

I WANT SOME ICE CREAM.
IS A MAID
WORTH ALL THIS ?

MR. RANDALL ?
OH, MR. KELSO. HI.

YOU KNOW--
MRS. RANDALL.

LIZZY !
LIZZY !

OH, LIZZY !
HI.

I-I HOPE YOU'RE NOT
EXPECTING TO BE PAID
FOR THIS WEEK.

OH, WE MISSED YOU
SO MUCH, SO MUCH.
HAVE A HO-HO.

WHERE'S MY DING DONGS ?
WHERE ARE MY DING DONGS ?

TWO SHOP WINDOWS, A GAZEBO,
A SECURITY OFFICE AND
A FLOWER STAND. ALL TOTALED ?

NOT TO MENTION,
TWO BLOWN

SO YOU JUST HAD
TO DO THINGS YOUR OWN WAY ?

ALWAYS ALERT
AND THOROUGH, SIR.

NOT EXACTLY 24 HOURS,
BUT THE VICTIM IS
SAFE AND SOUND.

AND I THINK YOUR FATHER
WOULD BE PROUD OF YOU.

W-WHAT'S THAT
ON YOUR SHIRT ? OH.
IT'S LETTUCE.

THIS IS SO COOL, PATTI.

PRETTY SCARY PICTURE, HUH ?
OH, I THINK
IT'S GOOD.

REALLY ?
D.C. LOOKS GOOD.
MMM-HMM.

HEY, LISTEN, PATTI.
I'M HAVING A PARTY
AT MY HOUSE TONIGHT.

DO YOU WANNA COME ? OKAY.
YEAH, SURE.
SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

HEY, F.B.I. GIRL !

WHO'S THAT ?
MY FRIEND
FROM THE BUREAU.

WHOA, A FED.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU
LATER TONIGHT.

BYE. SHE'S HANGING OUT
WITH THE F.B.I. ?
BYE.

MAN, I'M HAPPY
IF I SEE A FIRE TRUCK.
NO KIDDING.

HEY, G-MAN.

W-WAIT A MINUTE.
DID I SEE YOU
TALKIN' TO THE LOCALS ?

I-I MEAN, YOU'RE GONNA
LOSE YOUR "QUEEN OF
THE FREAKS" TITLE.

YEAH, WELL,
BEING QUEEN IS
KIND OF OVERRATED.

SO, HOW'S IT FEEL
TO BE POPULAR ?

WELL, I'M NOT COMPLAINING.
MMM.

HOW'S IT FEEL
TO BE YOUR OWN MAN ?

WELL, AT LEAST NONE
OF MY ASSIGNMENTS
INCLUDE CREAM AND SUGAR.

HOW COME
YOUR NAME'S FIRST ?

WELL, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS
TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

YOU SEE,
IT'S ALPHABETICAL.
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.

SO, UH, WHERE'S
THE FLEABAG ?

HE-HE-HE'S WORKING
ON ANOTHER CASE ?

NO, HIS CRIME-FIGHTING DAYS
ARE OVER.

HE'S GOT OTHER THINGS
ON HIS MIND NOW.

AW !

**

* THAT DARN CAT
* SOME DAYS LIFE IS JUST
HE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE *

* SOMETIMES EVERYTHING
GOES TO THE DOGS *

* PEOPLE CALLING OUT HIS NAME
LIKE HE'S SUPPOSED TO CARE *

* THEY CALL HIM
THAT DARN CAT *

* THAT DARN CAT
* CALL HIM 'TIL YOU'RE BLUE

* JUST DON'T EXPECT HIM
TO RESPOND *
* THAT DARN CAT

* EVEN THOUGH IT'S YOU
HE'S STILL A CAT *
* THAT DARN CAT

* WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE HIM DO
GO CHASE A STICK
OUT ON THE LAWN *

* IF YOU WANT YOUR SHOES
GO GET A LAB *

* CATCH HIM IF YOU CAN
YOU'RE JUST A MAN *

* THAT IS THAT DARN CAT

* THAT DARN CAT
* IF YOU ARE A MOUSE

* YOU'D BETTER RUN BACK
TO YOUR HOLE *
* THAT DARN CAT

* IF YOU ARE A DOG
YOU'D BETTER HIDE *
* THAT DARN CAT

* HE'S GOT SHARPER CLAWS
AND TEETH AND TONS
OF SELF-CONTROL *

* MOST OF ALL
THE CAT HAS GOT HIS PRIDE *

* NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE
HE'LL WORK FOR FOOD *

* NOW THAT'S
THAT DARN CAT *

* THAT DARN CAT

* YOU CAN YELL OUT ALL YOU WANT
SAY, HERE, KITTY *

* JUST BE SURE YOU GOT
SOME TUNA FISH *

* HE LIVES THE LIFE
HE LIKES TO LET YOU
THINK THAT YOU'RE THE MAN *

* BUT YOU KNOW
HE'S THAT DARN CAT *

* THAT DARN CAT
* AND THAT IS
THAT DARN CAT *

* THAT DARN CAT
* FAREWELL TO
THAT DARN CAT *

* THAT DARN CAT
* JUST CALL HIM
THAT DARN CAT *

* THAT DARN CAT
* SO LONG *