Original subtitles

- [whooshing]

- ♪

- Where are you going?

I thought you were staying the night.

I mean, it is my 30th birthday, you know.

- Come on, now, you know I can't stay the night,

and we spent the whole day together

celebrating your birthday, I took you out,

bought you that bag, we had a good time.

Woop-woop-woop.

- Oh, because it's the holiday season

you wanna be a family man now?

I thought we were gonna spend more time together,

come back to bed, baby. - Look, you know I can't

stay the night, you know the rules.

I gotta get home to my wife and my kid.

- Always, the wife and the kid, the wife and the kid.

You promised me you were gonna leave your wife,

I thought you said you loved me

and you wanted to be with me, Mike.

- I love a lot of women.

My mother, my sister, my wife, you know, a lot of women.

- Oh, is that so? - It is, darling.

- You said things were gonna be different with us!

- Life is about choices.

No one is forcing you to deal with me.

You knew what it was from the beginning.

- You're absolutely right.

I chose to believe you when you said you wanted

a relationship with me, but now I see that was all one huge lie.

I can't believe I trusted you.

You ain't worth a damn, Mac McCoy, I hate you!

Wish I never met you.

- You weren't saying that a few minutes ago.

- Yeah that's before I knew you were a low-down dirty dog!

- [sirens wailing]

- I'm out.

- Have you ever heard of the word "karma," Mac?

- What are you talking about now, Summer?

- Karma is the sum of a person's actions.

All of your womanizing ways are gonna come back and haunt you.

You're gonna regret breaking my heart.

- Is that so? What you gonna do?

Flatten my tires? Put shit in my tank?

Threaten to call my wife?

- On your daughter's 30th birthday,

she's gonna fall in love with an arrogant, selfish,

womanizing jackass just like you.

He's gonna turn her world upside down

and crumble her heart into a million pieces

just like you did mine.

- I'm out of here. - Mike!

Until you apologize to me and every other woman

that you've hurt, you'll reap what you sow.

- [door slams]

- [cries]

- ♪

♪ I love everything about Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah!

- ♪ What's there not to love about Christmas? ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ Let's all share the love around Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ I love everything about Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ Snowy weather - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ The get-togethers - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ A warm embrace - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ By the fireplace - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Singing Christnas songs - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ And Santa Claus - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Bringing joy and cheer - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ It's my favorite time of year ♪

- ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ I love everything about Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ What's there not to love about Christmas? ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ Let's all share the love around Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ I love everything about Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ Giving presents - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Seeing smiling faces - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Snowball fights - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Staying up all night - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Family time, yeah, yeah - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Making angels in the snow - ♪ Yeah, I love it...

- [door opening]

- Mike, my niece just called to confirm dinner reservations

for this evening.

You know she just got into town, you still going, right?

- Of course I'm still going. - I'm just saying,

you did stand her up the last time.

- That only happened once.

And I had a really big deal I had to close now.

- Hmm. - Oh, man, if looks could kill.

I'm definitely coming, relax.

- I'm just saying. Don't be late.

- Late? You're the one who's always late, not me.

- I'm fashionably late, and there's a difference.

- I thought I was the boss around here.

- TARA: I heard that.

- [humming]

Hey, did you remember to get that--

- Of course I did.

- Oh, wow. [laughs]

Alright, then, you know, I think I did a good job

hiring you, baby sis.

You might even keep your job one more day.

- TARA: Oh! Why thank you, thank you so much.

And while you're at it, please, please tell Monica

that she promised to help me at the church's food drive

while she was in town.

- I'll remember to tell her.

- You know it would be nice if you came too, right?

- Ooh, um...I think I'll just send a donation.

- Hmm. - What?!

- Nothing, bob your head. - Hmm.

- [soft piano music playing]

- Daddy Claus is in the building, woop-woop!

- MONICA: [squeaks] - Hey, baby girl.

Oh, you look beautiful. - Thank you.

- Got those for you. - Aw.

Yes. [laughs]

- Let me help you with that. - Oh. Thank you.

Thank you.

- MIKE: You look really beautiful.

- Thank you.

Wow, you must be feeling really guilty about last time

when you stood me up.

- Oh, now, come on, pumpkin, that was one time

and it was a very important deal.

You know you got them Prada shoes out of that.

- I guess I'll let it slide this time.

- MIKE: Okay. - You know,

I get it's the holiday season and all,

but roses would've been nice for my birthday. Just saying.

- You used to love these flowers,

I got 'em for you all the time

when you was a little kid.

- Yes, but if you haven't noticed,

I'm not a kid anymore.

- Yeah, I noticed, and I don't like it.

You know these flowers have special significance

in our lives.

But you're right, you all grown up and everything,

roses it is next time.

Come here you old sweet potato!

- Dad! Don't do that, I told you about that.

- [chuckling] My bad, I keep forgetting.

You big boss now since you got your promotion at that PR firm

in "Hot-lanta." - Yes, I worked so hard

for that promotion, too.

You know, I'm gonna break down all the doors in ATL.

- As you should, pumpkin, as you should.

Your mother would be very proud of you.

You know, sometimes I wish she were still here to see

how smart and beautiful you turned out to be.

- Yes, I do, too.

But you know what else she would see?

- What? - That I'm a grown woman now!

- MIKE: What? - Unlike some people I know.

- You will always be my little girl,

no matter what you say and even when you get married.

- Oh, boy, here we go. - MIKE: What?!

- Well, you got nothing to worry about, okay?

'Cause that's not happening any time soon.

- Really? - MONICA: Really.

- I thought you was dating somebody.

- Nope, nobody new.

- But why not? You're not getting any younger, you know.

[chuckles]

- Excuse you? - Good evening.

My name is Francisco and I'll be your waiter.

Can I get you something to drink?

- I'll have a Chardonnay, please.

- Hmm.

- I'll just have a single-malt Scotch. Neat.

- Coming up.

- Thank you, why dearest, dearest father of mine,

for reminding me of my horrible love life.

- Hey, calm down now, baby, I was just playing with you.

I was joking!

I know it's not easy finding the right person,

these things take time. - Exactly!

I can't just stroll down the aisle at Husbands R' Us

and just pick one off the shelf, it doesn't work like that.

Life would be much easier if it did, but it doesn't.

- Here we go.

Hmm.

And here you go, sir.

- Another, please. - Well, alrighty, then.

Now that she guzzled that down,

can I get you guys any appetizers?

- No, just give us a minute, Frangelico.

- Sir, it's Francisco.

Sir. - MIKE: Whatever.

- I'm sorry for snapping at you, Dad,

it's just this whole dating scene, it's so frustrating.

I can't seem to find a half-decent guy

to save my life.

I feel like...

I feel like-- - You feel like what, baby?

- Like I'm cursed.

- Mike!

Until you apologize to me

and every other woman that you hurt,

you'll reap what you sow.

- Cursed? Why would you say something like that?

- I don't know, Dad, it's just, all the dates I've been on

recently have been absolutely horrible.

- Here you go.

- Mm.

Another, please. - Coming up.

- You know, sometimes I feel like I'm just destined

to be single forever.

What is wrong with me?

- There's nothing wrong with you, pumpkin.

Now, I hope it's not 'cause of my bad...my bad--

- Karma? - Yeah!

- No, Dad, you cannot take responsibility

for what these jerks are doing. - I am serious now.

- Stop, I don't wanna hear it anymore, okay?

I just wanna focus on my birthday

and having a good time celebratin'.

- Okay, so then, you gonna... hang out with me.

- Seriously, Dad, I am not 12 anymore, okay?

I'm turning Dirty 30, alright?

And I'm gonna have a good time with my girls!

Turn it up, woop-woop!

- You're still coming home tonight.

- [laughs] No, dad, I'm spending the next few days

over at Joi's house, but I will stop by

after we finish partying, okay?

- Hmm, okay, now you know your aunt Tara asked me

to ask you if you're coming back for the food drive

on your birthday. - Uh, yes, I will come by.

But I have to leave early 'cause I have to go back to Atlanta.

- Okay, well, you'll call me before you leave.

- Yes, Dad, I will call you before I leave.

- Okay, and you are coming back in two weeks

for the Christmas dinner.

'Cause you know Joyce has thrown down.

- Yes, Dad, I'll be there, okay?! Yeesh.

- I'm just saying.

I was never happy with the idea of you moving to Atlanta

in the first place, but okay, you all growed up

and I got to let you live your life for you.

- I am, and you do.

- Oh, my God. I've created a monster!

Okay, let's get Frangelico back over here

and get our order before he gets his panties

all in a bunch. - [laughing]

- Yo, Freddie!

- ♪

♪

- Hey--Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Monica, Monica, Monica!

Chill, it's me, Eric? Eric Chambers?

Samstrop High School? - [laughing] Eric?

Is that really you? Wow, you look totally different.

- Oh. No, my bad, I didn't mean to scare you.

I didn't. If I'd known I was gonna lose my arm,

I wouldn't have did it in the first place.

Ah, you may wanna ease off that coffee, though.

- So, what are you doing here? I thought you moved.

- No, I did. I did, um, I moved out to grad school,

you know? Did some volunteer work overseas, you know.

And, uh, I decided to come back and buy the community center,

I heard they were gonna tear it down.

- Oh, they were gonna tear it down, why?

- Well, the board can't afford the maintenance anymore.

So, I stepped in, raised enough money to save it.

And the kids around here, you know,

they need somewhere to go.

We spent all our time here as kids, you remember that?

- Yes, I do.

I'm very impressed by you, Eric Leon Chambers.

[chuckles] Look at you, same old Eric.

- Yeah, well. - You'd save the world

if you could. - True.

- I always liked that about you.

- Really? I never thought you even liked me at all.

- Oh, come on, we used to hang out all the time.

You were like a brother.

- Is that what I was?

- [laughs] - I was a brother.

- Whatever. Big change from those little noodles

that you used to call arms.

- Yeah, well, you know, a lot's grown

since you last saw me.

- [laughing]

- So, I mean, you... you dating anyone or...?

- So...no, I'm not currently dating anyone.

- Really? - MONICA: Really.

- Why not? - I don't know, I just...

I don't like to play games and I don't wanna settle

for less than I deserve, so... what it is.

- No, I heard that, I do,

and you should never have to settle. Never.

And I believe all things happen in God's time.

- Listen to you. [chuckles] But you know, sometimes I feel

like I'm just doomed to be single forever.

- No, see, I don't believe that.

I believe anything worth having is worth fighting for.

- [phone ringtone playing]

- Oh, I gotta take this call, give me a second.

- Sure. - I'll be right back.

Hello? Oh, hey, girl.

Yes! I'm so excited.

Alright, I'll be on time. Okay.

Alright, alright, I'll talk to you later.

Alright, bye, girl.

Listen, Eric, I gotta run,

me and my girls are getting together for my birthday party

tonight, so, um... I gotta get ready.

- Wait, your birthday, that's... that's tomorrow, right?

December 13th? - You remember my birthday?

- How could I forget? You know how many birthdays

I spent with you back in the day?

Well, look, enjoy yourself, don't get in any trouble,

you know how this city gets.

with those chicks, anything is bound to go down.

I might come back a totally different person.

- Well, I hope not. You know, I'm very fond

of the one I already know.

- [gasps] - I got you. I got you.

Hey, look, um, let me Airdrop you my number.

I'll just--I'll hit you up later, if that's okay?

- Sure, call me.

- Let me see. - [phone beeping]

- There it is. - Alright. Bye.

- Thank you for coming out. Goodnight!

- [cheering, applauding]

- ♪

- Are y'all serious? We missed the entire show?

I told y'all to not be late picking me up, but no,

dealing with you two damn divas.

- It doesn't matter, it's still a celebration.

My girl Monica is entering the Dirty 30 club tonight!

- You don't have to announce it to the whole club!

- Oh, child, ain't nobody worried about these people.

Uh-uh, who is this sexy who put

a big kool-aid grin an your face?

- Uh-uh, girl, you are so nosy.

It's Eric. - Eric? Eric who?

- What? - Don't tell me it's another one

of them Internet trolls from them dating sites.

- Oh, no, I'm so done with those dating sites.

It's Eric Chambers, from high school, remember?

- Ew, the little scrawny boy with the glasses

you used to hang with all the time?!

- Listen, listen, he is far from that little scrawny,

goofy-looking kid now. Girl.

- Really? - Lord, have mercy.

- Well, did he send you any nudes?

- No, he is not that type of guy.

I ran into him at the community center.

And girl...he made me feel some type of way.

- Hmm, he made you feel some time of way?

- [laughing]

- Girl, shut up. - Hello, ladies!

Welcome to the Nothing But Laugh comedy hour.

Can I take your order? - Ooh, yes!

Can we get three shots of tequila?

And can we get some bottled water instead?

- Sure thing, and that'll be on your bill.

- Okay.

- Nah-uh, Santa better not come over here

with that foolishness. - [chuckling]

- But for real, though, he had me feeling like

maybe there's some hope for me after all.

- Hmm. - MONICA: You know what I mean?

- Well, truth be told,

marriage ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Some days I just wanna strangle my husband.

Shoot, I should've told her to make mine a double,

where she at? - Ooh, girl, girl,

that's a little [unintelligible] is everything okay?

- Yeah, I'm not trying to be negative, just honest.

You know, some women get caught up in the fairytale,

instead of the reality of the work

that actually goes into a marriage.

- I can't argue with you there.

- I was kinda hoping I'd meet somebody, but...

now, not so much. Thanks a lot, Keri.

- I'm just saying, don't rush into anything.

Girl, you gotta chase the butterflies.

- What are you talking about?! Chase de butterflies?

You don't need nothing else to drink,

it sound like you started early.

- Hello, ladies. - Thank you.

- Thank you, and can we get some menus?

- Actually, they stopped serving food about an hour ago.

- So you mean to tell me we missed the show and the food?!

Man, why are we still here?!

I know I hate going to bed hungry.

[sighs] Okay.

Well, come on, girl, did you get butterflies

when you saw Eric?

- MONICA: Well, yes, I did.

He is so fine now!

- Ooh. [squealing] - KERI: Go in, girl!

- [laughing]

- Uh-huh, none for you, more for me. Happy birthday.

- [laughing]

- Mm. Mm.

- KERI: I'm too hungry. - [unintelligible]

- Let's go. - Yeah, girl.

- Well, well, well, Santa just spotted

some ho-ho-hoes! [laughing]

Did you ladies enjoy the show tonight?

- Who are you calling ho-ho-hoe?

You about to get slap-slap-slapped.

- Oh, come on, now, Rudolph.

Santa's just looking for some new recruits

to pull his sleigh.

But you look like you could pull it all by your damn self.

- Uh-uh, uh-uh. Uh-uh. What do you want, man?!

- [bells jingling] - Ew.

- Oh, God, can we please leave before I strangle this fool?

- Ooh, such hostility, Prancer.

Keep your crusty hooves away from me.

- [indistinct arguing] - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Calm down, calm down!

I'm just trying to have some fun, damn!

How about, we just all do some shots,

and let bygones be bygones?

- We don't need any drinks from you.

Come on, ladies, let's get out of here.

- Oh, don't be like that, beautiful.

What you fine ladies doing out tonight?

- MONICA: It's my birthday.

Well, it'll be my birthday in ten minutes.

- It's your birthday? - Yeah.

- Nah, we gotta be getting home.

- Home to what? You ain't got no man.

If you had a man, he would be here celebrating you.

It's only one shot, grandma.

- Just come on, Monica, let's just do one shot with him

so we can get rid of him.

- That's the spirit, listen to your friend

and her Adam's apple.

- Boy--alright, alright, okay, okay, okay, alright.

You know what? You are so annoying.

- Whatever. You've been waiting for a man like me

to come into your life.

- Don't flatter yourself, sweetie,

I would never talk to a man like you.

- Never say never, okay?

Hey, Al! Get some shots for everybody in the house tonight.

- [door opening]

- [bells jingling]

- Why are you looking so sad?

- No reason, I'm just thinking.

- Why don't you think about getting up to help me

with the rest of the decorations?

- [bells jingling]

- Nah, man, I had to wash dishes after your last escapade.

I ain't falling for that one no more, bruh.

Uh-uh, who's paying for these drinks?

- You know I got you, man, come on--

- I don't know nothing about nobody got nothing.

Let up or shut up.

- [unintelligible] Oh, yeah, do the thing, man.

- AL: Alright, yeah, that'll work.

- Got you, ladies.

- AL: Here you go, ladies.

- Mm.

- Happy birthday, Monica. - Love you, girl.

- Happy birthday, happy birthday... [echoing]

- ♪ I should slow the rhythm ♪

♪

- On your daughter's 30th birthday,

she'll fall in love with an arrogant, self-centered,

womanizing jackass just like you.

- Who's up for another round? That quenched my soul.

- I think we'll pass on that one, buddy.

Thanks, but no, thanks.

- Yeah, I think it's time for us to go home.

- If my memory serves me correctly, it's not you two

happy birthdays, it's hers.

Would you like another drink, sweetheart?

Wild Billy got you, baby, because I am your man.

- [club music playing]

- BILL: [moaning]

Damn, girl! It's like that?!

Hmm, that got Willy Jr.'s attention, good Lord.

Wooh, you definitely get another round.

Al, give us another round right now!

But nothin' for those two thots.

- Uh, Monica. Monica. You're not that drunk.

Why are you kissing this clown?

- Girl, I know I said chase the butterflies,

but this ain't what I meant!

- He is not a clown, he is a talented

and sexy, sexy man.

- He is?

- Don't look at me, I just bow to him.

- Uh-uh, Monica, look, Monica, stop.

You need to stop, okay?

What did you put in my girl's drink?

- Ain't do nothing! I can't help if I'm that dude.

The ladies can't resist all this sexiness, ooh, girl.

- Yes, you are that dude, and I love it.

- Oh, hell no! Monica, look, I am not about to sit here

and watch you make a fool of yourself, now stop it.

Let's go.

- I'm not going anywhere with you.

I'm staying here with my new man and hanging out,

I'll catch up with you guys later.

- What?! - Okay, Monica,

I thought you were just joking at first

or just a little tipsy, like me, but I--are you serious?

- You heard the lady, she said she's chilling

with me tonight, adios, thing one and thing two.

- Monica, you know the girl code,

we come together, we leave together.

You're not leaving with him. Let's go. Now, now!

- [murmuring]

- Go. Stop it. - Oh, my God, girl.

[unintelligible]

But I guess--maybe, do that. - Let's go, girl!

- Hmm, walk it off, keep walking.

See that, Al? [unintelligible]

- Monica, I know you want a man, but girl,

there's no need to act desperate, please tell me

that was a joke. - Yeah, girl.

I said don't rush anything, just enjoy bieng single.

- Listen, you two are just jealous, okay?

You don't even know him. - Girl, neither do you.

You just met him ten minutes ago, what the hell?

- This doesn't even sound like you, Monica.

- Girl, at least make him

take you on a couple of dates first.

- You are not helping. Just be quiet.

- I'm just saying!

- WILL: Baby, hurry up.

Leave them thots out of the way.

- What just happened?

- The one chance I get for a girls' night out

and to get out the house, Monica wants to go AWOL.

[sighs] My buzz has worn off.

- KERI: Oh, my gosh, it's not my fault.

- You think she's still [unintelligible]

- Of course she is, where else would she be?

- I don't know, I can't--look, just make sure

that he doesn't know anything is wrong, okay?

- KERI: Got it, I got it. - You better got it.

- [knocking]

- Hey, ladies! How y'all doing?

- Hey! Mr. McCoy.

- [nervous laugh]

Um, where's Monica?

Isn't she with you guys?

You know, she said she would spend the night

at your house, Joi. - Oh, no. Yes.

Yes. She was! At my house.

- Okay. - Then she left. Early.

This morning. - Right, and she told us

to meet her here because we're going--

- Brunch. - To brunch.

- That's where we're going, we love brunch.

- Okay, well, she's not here.

Now, maybe she came in when I was asleep,

but she must have left again, 'cause she ain't here now.

Did y'all try calling her?

- Yes, I did.

I think her phone is dead. - Mm-hmm.

- Yeah. - Are you ladies okay?

Y'all didn't have too much to drink last night, did you?

- Oh, no, no, everything's fine.

- It's fine. - I'm fine.

- It's fine. She sounds fine!

- Okay, well, she was supposed to go hang out

with Tara at the church for that food drive,

so she could be over there. - Mm-hmm, she did tell us

about the food drive. - She did.

- We're just gonna meet her over there.

- MIKE: Good idea. - Okay. [chuckling]

- Hold on, take my card, and if anything comes up,

call me, please, don't hesitate at all. Okay?

- Okay. - MIKE: Alright,

and you know y'all welcome to come on by

for the Christmas dinner, I mean,

if you got a little free time.

- JOI: Thank you, Mr. McCoy for the invite.

- My pleasure, I hope to see you later.

- And happy holidays. - Yes, merry Christmas.

Happy Kwanza, feliz Navidad, all that good stuff.

- Uh-huh. Hey. - KERI: Alright.

- Always thought those two were strange.

- ♪ And then it's Christmas time ♪

♪ So we celebrate

♪ Celebrate Jesus Christ

♪ All that we give...

- TARA: Joi! Keri!

Oh, it's good to see you two!

Is Monica with you guys?

- Oh, I love your outfit, Auntie, it is giving me

turkey drive realness! - KERI: Ooh, yes.

With the sparkles on the shoes, you look good!

[nervous laugh]

- Okay, no, she's not, but we were hoping

that she was here so that maybe we could take her

with us and if you didn't need her, then--

- She's supposed to be here helping me.

Let me call her right now.

- [call tone]

- Hello? Monica?

Where are you?

You're out with a friend?

You're supposed to be here at the church helping me out

with the food drive.

Huh. So, let me get this straight.

Hanging out with a friend is more important

than helping out your family and the church, huh?

You--you do know your girlfriends are here

looking for you.

No, it's fine, Monica, don't come.

It's okay, I'm sure your friends will be happy to help instead.

No, we'll talk later, we will discuss this later.

Alright, bye.

- So what did she say?

- That she's hanging out with some new friend.

I can't believe she stood me up like this.

Hmm, well, thank goodness you guys are here

to help in her absence.

It's not--

- Give your time to the Lord, right?

I mean, besides, it'll only take a few hours.

- Hours. - I mean, you were

hanging out last night, right?

You were partying, yeah? Alright.

Let's go, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Can you guys get them some...

- When pimpin' ain't easy [unintelligible]

long as you got money in the bank,

if you know what I mean.

Yo. Everybody know me.

See, when I walk in the party, I walk in differently.

Pimpin' ain't easy, [unintelligible]

Ooh, Lord have mercy.

God sent me a sign just then.

I don't know which way to go.

- ♪ Maybe the holiday times will bring good vibes ♪

♪ Maybe the season will bring joy to our lives ♪

♪ So far it's been a wild ride ♪

♪ But I know we gon' be alright ♪

♪ We got each other so we'll get by ♪

♪ This Christmas time

♪ It feels like magic in the air ♪

♪ Baby

♪ Christmas

- MONICA VOICEMAIL: You've reached Monica,

I'm not available right now, but leave me a message

and I'll get back to you when I can.

- ♪ Maybe

♪ Christmas

- [grunting]

Girl, I don't want no damn chicken!

Move, Monica, move! Move! Please, move! Hurry up.

Now replace, replace, come on.

- ♪ Don't want 'em, I don't need 'em ♪

♪ I hope somebody is listening ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm meaning business

♪ I don't wanna waste no fall ♪

♪ I don't want no Christmas

♪ I don't need the love, I don't wanna give ♪

♪ I'm sick of the faking, I'm sick of the mess ♪

♪ Something is fishy, it's growing a stench ♪

♪ I'm [unintelligible]

♪ It's all the cassualties, people be gathering ♪

♪ Got bigger problems than we should be handling ♪

- [call tone]

- MONICA VOICEMAIL: Hi, you've reached Monica,

I'm not available right now,

but leave me a message and I'll get back to you

when I can.

- Hey, baby girl.

This is Dad, again.

I'm just trying to catch up with you.

I hope you're still gonna make it to Christmas dinner tonight.

Okay, love you.

[sighs]

Hey, baby. - You're worried about Monica.

Babe, we've had this conversation before.

It's just that she's a grown woman now,

and it's okay to give her space.

- You know, it's been almost two weeks

since she's called me.

Okay, she's text me, but that was very dismissive.

It's not like her, she always returns my call.

Something's not right, this is different.

- But didn't you say she spoke with Tara?

- Yeah, and Tara's not happy that she didn't come down

and make it to that food drive.

This does not seem like Monica.

- I agree, this does not seem like her at all.

But you know what? We're gonna think positive. Okay?

It's gonna be fine.

Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts.

- Hmm. Okay, I'm sure you're right,

but I am just not used to not hearing from her

for so long.

- [ringtone playing]

- [laughs] Hey, baby girl!

Wow, it's good to hear from you, finally.

Are you still coming to dinner tonight?

Great! Okay, I'll see you soon, pumpkin.

[laughs] Wow.

- What? - What? What? What? Come on.

- I told you. - Put it there.

- See? Positivity, positivity.

You put it out there and it comes back to you.

- Wow. But what if somebody put some negative thoughts

over you?

Will that come back over you as well?

- If somebody has bad karma...

I mean, you know what they say, Mike.

What goes around comes around.

I just think you have to be really careful

with how you treat people.

Because sometimes negativity will come back to haunt you.

- Hmm. - Even sometimes comes back

to haunt your loved ones.

But you know, you gotta be a real jerk for that to happen.

[chuckles]

- [sighs]

- [doorbell rings]

- MONICA: Surprise! Hey, Daddy.

- Um...hey, baby. - MONICA: [chuckles]

- You didn't say you was bringing company.

- MONICA: I know, it's a surprise, duh!

I wanted you to meet my new man.

- WILL: Hey, what's happening there, pimp?!

- Who are you? - Well, my name's Will,

but you probably know me by my stage name, Wild Bill.

- Nope, never heard of you. - Daddy, you gonna let us in?

We're hungry.

- So where did you and Wally meet?

- Whoa, pops, the name's Wild Bill.

Don't forget it, okay?

- MIKE: My bad. My bad.

Uh, so, where did you guys meet?

- Oh, we met at the club a few weeks ago,

when I was here for my birthday.

- Oh, so you've only been dating for a couple of weeks?

- Yeah, but it feels like we've known each other forever.

I mean, I wasn't feeling him at first, but...

as soon as the clock struck midnight

and we had that toast on my birthday,

something just came over me and I just...I can't explain it,

he just became irresistible.

- What do you mean "something" just came over you?

- MONICA: I don't know, Daddy, something.

Just like, um, this overwhelming urge that just drove me to him.

Oh, I'm so happy that it happened because...

we've been inseparable ever since.

- Will you quit fowling this fool?!

You know you're making me nauseous.

Wait a minute, y'all been in town this whole time

and you didn't let me know?

- Daddy, I'm not a child, I'm grown,

I don't have to check in with you every minute.

I was at Bill's house. - BILL: Yeah.

- Oh, so he's the reason that you missed the food drive.

- I already talked to aunt Tara about that, okay?

She's fine, so stop tripping.

- She's absolutely not fine.

As a matter of fact, she's on her way over here

to dinner right now, and you're gonna have to apologize.

- Apologize? For what? I didn't do nothing, alright?

She already knows I've been hanging out with my new friend.

Alright? You should be happy that I found someone.

- Yeah, Pops, get used to seeing this face!

'Cause we about to jump the bri-zoom!

- [laughs] - Wait a minute, no, no,

you're not, and, uh, it's not "Pops" to you.

It's Mr. McCoy. - No, Daddy, we love each other.

Okay? Why wait?

You should be happy that I'm with somebody.

- Why would I be happy that you're trying to marry

this clown?!

- Would everybody stop saying that?!

He's not a clown! This is my man, okay?

What is wrong with you, Daddy?

- What's wrong with me?

You're the one acting like you done lost your mind!

- Okay, Merry Christmas, everybody!

Calm down and get ready for this delicious turkey.

- Damn that dry-ass turkey. Listen--

- Mike McCoy, my turkey is not dry.

I suggest you watch your tone and calm down

before your pressure goes up.

- Hold on, are you the Mike McCoy from uptown?

Oh, snap, it is you!

Man, my uncle used to tell me how you was the man

back in the day and had all the ladies.

Man, you are a legend in these streets.

And my idol.

- Well, you know. I mean, no. No.

- Girl, why didn't you tell me your daddy was the Mac McCoy?

- Daddy, what is he talking about?

- Yeah, what is he taling about?

- Okay, uh, there was a time in my life--long time ago,

I did some things in the past that I'm not real proud of.

I wish I could do a do-over, but I can't.

That was a long time ago and I'm a brand-new man now.

- Come on, man, don't you feel ashamed of being a pimp!

You're a legend in these streets!

- Will you shut up?!

- A pimp? Really, Daddy?

- A pimp? Really? - [stammering]

Baby, no, your daddy was not a pimp.

Okay, just a man who liked a lot of ladies, that's all.

- [indistinct chatter] - JOYCE: That's all?!

This is news to me.

I don't know anything about this even before we got married.

- 'Cause I'm not that person anymore.

When Monica's mother passed, I changed my ways.

- So you cheated on my mom before she died. Wow. Wow, Dad.

- Baby, come on. - BILL: Wow.

- MIKE: Baby girl, look, I'm sorry.

I never meant to disappoint you.

That's why I wanted you and I to always have

a strong relationship, so no man could ever

break your heart the way I broke your mother's heart.

That's why you can't marry this fool!

- Hold on, Pops, hey, I understand you wanna have

a "Come to Jesus" moment with your daughter and old lady,

but that don't mean you gotta piss on my corn flakes.

- Yeah, Daddy, don't project your own indiscretions onto him,

he loves me. - BILL: That's right, McDaddy.

And I'mma take real good care of her

when we out on my comedy tour together.

Then when we get back, we're gon' have about four,

five little Wild Billies running around here.

- Wait a minute, hold the hell up.

Comedy tour?! - Yes, Daddy, a tour.

I already put in my two-week notice at the firm, okay?

We got a lot of work to do. - I mean, a lot of work.

You like that move? - I love that move, baby.

I've been helping him out a lot for the past few weeks,

you know, getting ready for the tour and then...

the wedding... [laughs]

Yeah, that's why we came here, to get your blessing.

We're getting married this week.

- Oh, no, you're not. Blessings my ass.

Monica, listen to me now, you're not really gonna ruin

your career to follow this fool on some tour,

and then have a bunch of his ashy-ass kids,

you just got this promotion at the PR firm.

- You can't tell me what to do, okay?

I'm grown and I live my life the way I damn well please.

- That's right, baby, you tell him! I'm your daddy now.

- That's it! I'mma whoop your non-joke-telling ass!

- [indistinct arguing] - Whoa! Whoa!

You done lost your mind, old man!

- [indistinct arguing]

- Don't nobody touch Wild Bill! I'm Black Hollywood, baby!

Monica, let's go.

- Calm down, calm down. Merry Christmas.

- MIKE: I'mma smack you in the back of the head!

- You're lucky I still respect you as a legend,

you broke-down pimp!

- MIKE: Wait 'til I get my hands on you!

Monica, wait, wait. Please, baby girl.

I raised you to be a strong-minded,

independent person with morals and values,

not some hoochie mama.

You never dressed like this before,

you never talked like this before.

This is not you. - Daddy, I am in love.

- Yeah, but not to him. This is the wrong guy,

he's gonna break your heart, I know it!

- Hmm, just like how you broke my mother's heart?

Mr. Mac McCoy. - BILL: Mm-hmm.

[unintelligible]

- [door closing]

- [horn honking]

- [horns honking]

- [sighs]

Thought you could use this

- Thank you, baby.

- And I just talked to Tara, she's in traffic,

but she's still on her way.

- You know what that means, she's looking for an outfit.

Come on, I know my sister.

I'm glad she didn't come here and see all that chaos

we had going on earlier.

Sweetie, come over here, you little sweet potato,

come sit, let me talk to you.

Oh, man.

Joyce, I'm man enough to admit that I was a ladies' man,

but that was back in the day, before we met and got married.

After that, I vowed to leave all that alone

because I'm--I'm not proud of how I treated those women.

- I know. People make mistakes.

And I don't judge people by their past,

I just pay attention to how you treat me now.

- Hmm.

Thank you for understanding.

But you know, I'm afraid that my past is about

to come back and haunt me.

- What makes you say that?

- This might sound kinda crazy but--

- [doorbell rings] - Wait a minute,

that could be Monica, maybe she's coming back.

Maybe she changed her mind! [chuckles]

- [sighs]

- Good evening, son.

- Hey, Mr. McCoy, merry Christmas.

It's me, Eric Chambers. I went to school with Monica?

Used to live up the block, you remember me?

- Oh, the little skinny kid with the big glasses.

- Yes, sir, that would be me.

- Oh. How can I help you, son?

- Well, I was hoping Monica was in town again.

You know, we ran into each other a few weeks ago

and were supposed to hang out, she hasn't been responding

back to my texts or my calls, so, you know,

since it's Christmas, I thought she might be here.

- You know, unfortunately, she was here, but she left.

- [sighs] Alright, um...

Well, did she happen to say when she'll be back?

- No, she didn't. - Okay.

Alright, well--well, um... if you see her,

can you just let her know that I stopped by?

- MIKE: I'll be sure to do that, Eric.

- Thanks, Mr. McCoy. - Alright.

- Merry Christmas. - You know what? Eric, hold up.

Come in, let me holla at you for a minute, come on in.

Come on in, young man, have a seat.

- Okay. - [sighs]

Would you--would you like a drink?

- No, sir, I don't-- I don't drink.

- That's good. I thought about giving up drinking myself,

two, three times, been thinking about it

for years, but sometimes, you know,

you get in a situation, you have to have

a little sippity-sip. [chuckles] - No, I completely understand.

- So, um, you and Monica. Y'all been staying in touch

with each other over the years?

- Well, not exactly, I mean, we just ran into each other

recently down by the community center.

- I thought they closed that place.

- They did, but, uh, I bought it.

- Oh, wow. You know, she loved to go down there

and hang out at the community center.

- Yeah.

- Has she been acting strangely?

- Hmm. Not that I've noticed, uh...when I saw her,

she was just Monica being Monica.

- Hmm.

Well, Monica ain't Monica no more.

She's not that same little girl you and I knew.

- Uh, I'm not sure if I follow.

- She's changed, Eric.

She ain't my baby girl no more.

And it's all because of this little...fool

she's running around with. - Wait, what?

I didn't know she was in a relationship.

- I didn't either until today.

- Hi, I'm Joyce, nice to meet you, merry Christmas.

- Ms.--Ms. Joyce, it's me, Eric. Eric Chambers.

I used to go to school with Monica.

- Little skinny Eric. - Yeah.

- Oh, my goodness, look at you, Mr. Yummy!

- Uh, calm down, come on now, Joyce,

you know he's too young for you.

- Eric, you look amazing,

and you're such a breath of fresh air considering

what we went through this evening.

- I was just telling him about all this stuff

we've been through with Monica's going on with her right now,

but...remember when he used to follow her around

like a little puppy dog. - You're gonna embarrass him!

- I'm not gonna embar-- I'm playing with him.

Just having a good time with him,

you can handle it, can't you? - Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Aw. Well, have a seat, Eric.

I'm so sorry you missed Monica, she was here and left with...

Wally-- - You mean that clown.

- Oh, I was gonna say something else,

but that works too.

- You know, Monica is talking about getting m--

m--m-- I can't even say it!

- What, married? - MIKE: Yes! Freaking married!

- But babe, I--I--I've been trying to tell you

that what you have to do is not jump to conclusions.

- MIKE: Well, but--Please, I'm trying to save my daughter

from ruining her life.

- Wait, wait, I--I'm--I'm-- I'm confused.

Now, who is this guy?

I mean, where did they meet? Where are they now?

- MIKE: You know, I ask myself all those same questions,

but I don't know, she just showed up

with this Willy Wonka character talking about,

they gettin' married this week, and they gon' have some stupid

comedy tour, and he ain't even funny.

Is he, babe? - Not even a little bit.

- I'm about to have me a drink.

- I'm abou--

You said this week? - Uh, yeah, this week.

I thought you said you don't drink.

- I'm sorry, sir, I needed that one.

- Well, I'm glad you had a shot,

'cause it's gonna take something to help us figure this out.

- Oh, we're gon' fix this, we gotta figure it out.

- So, we gon' fix it, but I don't know how.

I mean, I've been trying to talk to her

and it's like she under some type of spell or sum'n.

- Mr. McCoy, with all due respect, man,

what the hell are you talking about?

- Mike, give me that drink, you're not making no sense.

- Okay, listen, y'all are not gonna believe this.

But I believe I'm the cause of all of it.

- Why in the world would it be your fault?

- Well, when I was a young, fly, handsome debonair

young man-- - Player.

- Okay, player, player, there it is.

I had all these ladies.

And...I was bad to all of 'em.

One of 'em put a spell on Monica to get back at me.

I'll never forget those words.

- Mike McCoy. 'Til you apologize to me and every other woman

that you hurt, you'll reap what you sow.

- Bitch. - ERIC: Wait, wait, hold on,

let me get this straight.

So, you broke the heart of a woman

who put a curse on Monica?

- [hums] I know it sounds crazy, but it's the only thing

that makes sense, so that's what it's got to be.

- Mr. McCoy, I think you've had too much to drink, man.

- See, that's why I didn't wanna tell y'all nothing,

'cause y'all don't wanna believe me!

- Babe. I believe you. - MIKE: Really? You do?

- I really do. I mean, words have power.

I mean, she obviously spoke a curse into existence

over your life and Monica's. - Hmm.

- And it manifested because at some point, you believed

it could actually happen. - ERIC: Wait, so...

so you're saying just because he believed what she said,

you're saying it came true? - Yes!

Words have power.

They have the power to heal and the power to hurt.

She planted a seed in his mind.

- She planted what seed?

- The seed of guilt. - What?!

Look, this lady and all of those women knew exactly

what they were signing up for.

- Really, Mike?

- Okay, I feel guilty. - Michael.

- Okay, I feel really, really guilty.

But what am I supposed to do?

I know I'mma have to do something, though.

Because I don't think my daughter should have

to suffer for my past.

- You're right, sweetie, she shouldn't.

There's only one way to make this right.

- How? - Yeah, how?

- You're gonna have to find the woman that spoke

all these harmful things and apologize to her.

- Oh, hell, no, I'm not calling that crazy lady.

- JOYCE: You wanna make this right or not?

- Yeah, but-- - Yeah, but nothing.

Mike, if you don't want your daughter

to marry this jerk who's basically a reincarnation

of your younger self, mind you, yes.

You're gonna have to make this right as soon as possible.

- You really think me talking to that woman

is gonna change anything?

- We won't know unless you try.

Mike, you've been carrying so much guilt over the years

and now it's projected onto Monica.

To the point where it's an actual curse.

- Mrs. McCoy, this is some really deep stuff,

I mean, how do you even know all this?

- Hmm, let's just say I read a lot.

- Wait, you're not gonna put a spell on me.

- Hmm. [laughs] No. - Girl, you play too much.

Dang, I can't take no more issues.

- This...this is crazy.

- I know one thing, I'mma have to do something

really quick to reverse all this

before my daughter mess around and marry that jackass!

- Okay, hold on, Mike, it's Christmas.

Tomorrow.

- [hums] Okay. Alright.

But first thing in the morning. - First thing in the morning.

- And, uh, puppy dog, you're going with me.

Alright. I am tired, I'm going upstairs.

Eric, I'll see you tomorrow.

- Okay, babe, I'll be up in a minute.

- MIKE: Come on now. - Deck the halls.

- MIKE: Hmm, merry Christmas, baby.

- [laughs] - MIKE: [chuckles]

- Eric--

- ♪

- [doorbell rings]

- Hey, sis. - Hey, merry Christmas.

- Aw. Merry Christmas! Mwah!

- What did I miss? - Girl, what didn't you miss?

- Ooh? - Come in,

I got so much to tell you. - Ooh, do tell.

- Are you--you sure this is the right house?

- Yeah, that's it, her parents used to live there.

And when they passed away, they left everything to her.

Including this.

- And--and you know this how?

- Come on, come on, I'm the Mac Man.

Mike Mac McCoy. I know all the lowdown--

- No, no, no, no, no, see? That's what got you

in this position in the first place, that, that right there.

- Man, shut up, let's go knock on the door.

Go on, knock on the door.

- [door creaks]

- [wind gusts]

- Hell, no. No, no, this is not a good idea.

- Don't punk out on me now, I might need a witness

in case she tries to kill me.

- Kill you? What did you do to this lady?

- Don't worry about it, let's go.

- [door creaks]

[door shuts]

- Well, well, well, mister Mike "Mac" McCoy.

Long time no see.

- Hey, Summer St. John. Mm.

- What do I owe the pleasure to this unexpected visit?

- Mm-mm, it's my pleasure, look at you.

Wooh, you're looking good, you're fine as fall--

and look at this house, how fabulous and beautiful,

how did you get it-- - Mike, cut the crap.

What can I help you gentlemen with?

- Well, I'll cut right to it.

You know exactly why we're here, I'mma need some answers.

- [laughs] Still the same Mac.

You think you can come in here and make demands?

- Look, woman, you did something to my daughter,

and you better show me how to get her out of it--

- I better what? Huh?

If you think for one second I'mma do anything to help you,

you are sadly mistaken.

- Oh, really?! - Oh, yes!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, y'all can we just--

can we calm down and have a nice, mature,

adult-like conversation, like adults?

Ms. St. John, is there any way we can just sit down

to just discuss why we're here?

- Well, I guess that would be fine.

Let's go into the living room.

- Man, why you starting arguments with this lady?

- I'm not! - Look. Mr. McCoy, she's not--

- [door creaking] - [voices whispering]

- She's not gonna help us if you keep being a jerk to her, man.

- Who you calling a jerk?

- If you keep arguing with this voodoo woman,

she's not gonna help our situation

and she's certainly not going to help Monica's situation.

Now, come on, man, I thought you felt bad about

how you treated this lady. - I do.

But this woman always gets under my skin,

I could just shake her! - Mr. McCoy!

We're not here for that.

Come on, man, we got a job to do, alright? Let's go.

- Alright, okay, alright.

[blows air] Hmm.

Summer, I'd like to apologize

for the way I just approached you.

I mean, I'm just frustrated about what's going on

with my daughter.

- Wow, McCoy actually apologizing? That's the first.

My, my, my, we've grown up over the years, huh?

- Here, Summer, listen, I--I realize my actions

caused a lot of pain and heartache

for a lot of good women, including you.

And for that, I'm...I'm definitely not happy about that.

I--I hope that you could--I hope that you could forgive me,

and I'm telling you, I'm coming to you sincerely,

from the bottom of my heart,

because I didn't mean to hurt you,

and I hope that you can accept my apology.

- I guess I can find it in my heart to do that.

- Wow. So that means we've lifted the curse?

- Well, hold on now, I didn't say all that.

- Oh, come on, now, I don't understand.

I thought if you forgive me,

that everything just goes back to the way it was.

- [chuckles] Is that what you thought?

- Oh, damn, Summer, come on now, help me out here.

Look, I'm trying to keep my baby girl from ending up

with somebody like the old Mike McCoy.

Look, if you're mad at me, take it out on me. Please!

My baby girl is sweet, she's intelligent,

she's an ambitious young lady and...

she's had a really great life.

She deserves to have a man that she can marry

and that'll love her too.

- Oh, that is touching, McCoy. But it's just not that simple.

There's a little more that needs to be done

in order to rectify the situation.

- And whatever it is, he will do it.

- Son, I can speak for myself, thank you.

Whatever it is, I'll do it.

- That's what I like to hear.

Mac McCoy taking accountability for his actions.

- Exactly.

- Now.

In order to reverse this curse on your daughter,

you have to go back and apologize

to the one woman that you hurt the most.

But there's a catch.

She has to accept your apology.

- Okay. How am I supposed to do that?

How am I supposed to make somebody accept my apology?

And besides, back then was a whole lot of women

swirling around the Mac Daddy, you know?

- Mr. McCoy! Not now, man.

- That sounds like a you problem,

and I'm sure you'll figure it out.

When you find that one, then come back and see me.

- Oh, this is just too damn much.

- Excuse me? - Nothing, nothing.

He didn't say anything.

After we get it done, we'll come back,

we'll come see you. - Yeah.

- We shall see about that.

- [door opening]

- [bird cawing]

- Alright, where do you wanna start?

- Man, I don't know!

- Man, you gotta know who you hurt the most.

- I know, I don't need you to tell me that.

Let me see, so many--oh! Ooh! There's Barbara, there's Brenda.

Pam. Ooh--ooh! There's Stephanie.

Um...my God, there's just so many women

circling the Mac Man back then, you know, I don't even know.

- Why don't we start with Barbara?

- MIKE: Barbara, yeah.

- You alright over there?

- Hmm.

That's Barbara Bennet's house, my ex-fiance.

- Your ex-fiance? I didn't know you was engaged to one of 'em.

- Yeah, for a brief period. - [sighs]

Okay, so what happened? - [blows air]

Let's just say... [clears throat]

I had a little fling with the maid of honor.

- Ooh, ooh, I see. Okay, yeah. No wonder you're nervous.

- No shit, Sherlock.

You know that woman tried to kill me

before she broke up the engagement?

- Well, time to face the music now, old man.

Go ahead!

- [doorbell chimes]

- [blows air]

Damn! I didn't even get a chance to apologize.

- Maybe you can write an apology letter.

- I'm not writing a letter to that woman who just

slammed her door in my face.

Alright, alright, tell you what I'll do.

I'mma write a little note on my business card.

Happy now? - Are you happy now?

- Come on, puppy dog, we got work to do.

- It's gonna be a long one.

- ♪ It's a cold night from the skies here ♪

♪ Full moon got me in the mood... ♪

♪

- What the hell are we doing here?

- Come on, watch the magic.

What up, Daria, baby?

- ♪

- DARIA: [no audible speech]

- Okay, I don't think that worked.

- No.

- ♪

- [cheering]

- ♪

- [no audible speech]

- ♪

- MIKE: Okay.

- [doorbell rings]

- ♪

- Hey, can I talk to Pam?

- [punch]

- ♪

♪

- Okay, so let me...let me just see if I can break this down

real quick.

You've had multiple doors slammed in your face,

a drink thrown at you,

you even met one of your exes' life partners,

not to mention you got punched in the face

by someone who looks like Michael Ealy's stepson.

[sighs] Mr. McCoy, I'd say you're bad at this here, bro.

- Well, if you're gonna put it like that...

- [laughs] - MIKE: Wait a minute.

I just figured out who I hurt the most.

I just realized. - [sighs] Thank God.

Alright, so where--where do we need to go now?

Where are we driving?

- Nah, I'mma drop you off, I have to handle this myself.

- Mr. McCoy, are you sure?

I don't want anything else bad to happen to you.

- No, I'm sure. I got this, son.

[sighs]

- ♪ I just wanna clear the air ♪

♪ Thought we needed closure

♪ Yeah, and I'm saying the same things ♪

♪ [unintelligible]

♪ Should't complain

- Woo-woo-woop. [chuckles] Yes, it's--it's me.

Look. Look what I brought.

- [crickets chirping]

- I remember how you loved poinsettias

at the Christmas holiday.

And so did our Monica when she was a little kid.

You used to decorate our tiny little apartment

with so many of them that you'd have no choice

but to have the Christmas spirit, just be filled with it.

[sighs]

Wow.

It's amazing how much stuff you can think of

to say to a person when they're no longer here.

I know.

I know I should've came here years ago,

but the truth is,

I was too much of a coward to face you.

When you left me, my whole world changed.

It made me realize...

Made me realize how much--

How selfish and how arrogant I was,

and how much I took you for granted.

[sighs]

Sheila.

If you can hear me.

Please know that I am truly sorry

for what I put you through.

Please.

Please forgive me.

- [car approaching]

- [blows air]

- You would not believe how many awards

Monica has won since she was a kid.

In kindergarten, this child won everything.

She--she--she won so many things, at one point,

we had to get a bigger room so it would fit, and I--

I keep looking at her, and the more I look at her,

I realize...

She's you.

She's you, Sheila.

- ♪ Oh

- She's you.

- ♪ Yeah

♪ I wanna be right

- SUMMER: Rough night, huh?

- MIKE: You can say that again.

- I am surprised to see you, Mike.

Where's your sidekick?

- Oh, I had to drop him off last night

'cause I had to handle things myself.

- I didn't really think you could do it.

- I told you I couldn't let my daughter marry that clown.

Come on, Summer, is the curse lifted?

- Not completely. - Oh, for the love of Christmas.

What else do I have to do?!

- Not you.

Your daughter's true love has to confess

his love to her and seal it with a kiss.

Something you ain't know anything about.

- Wait. True love?

Come on now, how am I supposed to find her true love

with this short notice?

I know she hated all of her last dates.

- Except one.

- Except one. Who?

- I asked you earlier, where's your sidekick?

- Eric?!

Is that herbal tea?

[sighs]

- Where have you been?!

And what happened to your face?!

- Baby, calm down, I'm fine.

- Don't tell me to calm down, I'm not fine!

Where were you?

- Well, I was at Summer St. John's house--

uh, my old flame. - What?!

- Calm down.

- That "Calm down" again. - Take it--take it easy.

It's not what you think it is. Let me explain.

- Yeah, well, come on, explain.

- Okay, well, when me and Eric went by her house yesterday,

she told me I needed to go apologize to the woman

who I hurt the most in my past,

so apparently just apologizing to her wasn't enough.

- But that doesn't explain the black eye.

- Honey, please, you don't even know.

The last 24 hours of my life was hell.

I mean, I had doors closed in my face,

drinks thrown at me, and then this knock-off Divo character

tried to beat me up.

I even turned a straight woman g--never mind.

You just need to know if was a hell of a night.

- Wow! I'm--I'm sorry you had to go through all that.

- I did it for Monica.

Monica's my baby, I'd do anything for her.

In fact, the last place I was, was at the cemetery.

- Cemetery? - [chuckles] Yeah.

I'll tell you about that.

[sighs] I had to make amends to my first wife, Sheila.

Sheila is the woman that I hurt most in the past.

I put that woman through so much pain

when she was alive, and I was so selfish,

that I didn't even realize how sick she was getting.

Man, I sat in that cemetery and poured my heart out so long,

I fell asleep at her grave.

The groundskeeper woke me up this morning.

- [chuckles]

I remember when I first saw you in the restaurant.

This screaming baby girl, hair all over her head.

And I knew I had to step in and comb her hair.

- [laughs] Okay, you got jokes. - [laughs] You were so pitiful.

- Whatever.

- She was the baby that I was never able to conceive.

So I knew we needed each other.

- Oh, baby.

Hmm.

- [phone buzzes] - Oh.

In the name of Christmas! - What now?

- Monica just said they're getting married at 2:00

this afternoon at Braunwell Chapel.

She's gonna marry that damn fool!

- Jesus, no. No! - Okay, we gotta go.

We're gonna break this up. - Okay.

- But wait a minute, we gotta take Eric with us.

Hold up. - Eric?

- Will you trust me? - JOYCE: Yes.

- Okay. Eric? Where are you?

- ERIC: I'm at the community center, what--what's going on?

- Stay right there, we're on our way.

- You wanna tell me what's going on?

- Do you trust me, baby? - Yes.

- Well, come on, I'll tell you in the car.

We got to break up a wedding. - Okay'

- ♪

- JOYCE: Eric! Oh, my God!

Eric. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You. You are in love with my daughter, aren't you?

- I care for her a lot, sir. - No, you're in love with her.

Now, admit it, you've gotta be honest

about your feelings,

and it's important that she knows,

otherwise she'll always be searching for that guy

who's been beside her all of her life!

- Okay, alright, look! I love her.

I've been in love with her ever since I was a kid.

- Alright, okay, then the only thing we gotta do

to remove this curse is you have to go to Monica

and profess your love to her and kiss her

before she marries that damn fool.

- Mr. McCoy, I don't know about all of that,

Monica's always thought of me as like a brother.

- Listen, Eric, you have got to put your big boy pants on,

and it's time to go tell Monica exactly how you feel!

Come on, you guys, we gotta go break up a wedding, let's go!

- My wife has spoken, let's go.

- ♪

- What if she--what if she doesn't wanna hear me out?

What if she's mad at me or something? I--I don't know.

- MIKE: If you love my daughter, you're gon' have to profess it.

- So you approve of me wanting to be with your daughter.

Mr. McCoy? You gonna answer my question?

- Listen, you showed me how much you cared for Monica

when you helped me get through all my foolishness.

That's the kind of man I want my daughter to be with.

- Aw, Mr. McCoy, that--that means a lot to me, man.

Thank you. Thank you.

- Babe. Oh, my gosh, my heart.

That is like the most beautiful thing--

- No, babe. Not right now. - JOYCE: Okay.

- You know what we have to do, right, Eric?

- Yes, sir. I've got my marching orders.

- MIKE: Hey, let me get that phone, baby.

Thank you.

- You ready? - Ready.

- Hey, Joi. I need you and Keri to hold the wedding up

as long as you can. Can you do that for me?

Okay, we're on our way.

- Tell them two minutes. - I'll explain when I get there.

- ♪ Now, if you need them

♪ Make sure you show them how

♪ If you care

♪ Make sure that they know it

- BILL: God gon' bless the pimp. - MAN: God gon' marry a pimp.

- BILL: That's right, God has blessed him again.

[unintelligible] - Lord! Hallelujah.

- Yes, yes, they are-- - [indistinct comments]

- That burgundy? You start looking, see,

that's why y'all ain't came up yet,

it ain't time for y'all to look, start--you don't stop looking,

you ain't never gonna get no woman like that.

I'mma tell you now. But this the day.

This the day, folks. - This the day.

- Look how I'm shining. I'm looking good.

- [unintelligible]

- Y'all--not you. [unintelligible]

But listen, this the day, baby.

I'm still gon' be pimpin' though.

See, 'cause I planted the seed. Once they see me with her,

all the rest of 'em come. - Yeah.

- You feel what I'm saying? - Yeah, yeah.

- See? God heard me. Amen. - Amen.

- That's right, I'm the one.

- Girl, I am so happy for you.

You are so lucky to be marrying Wild Bill,

everybody knows he's the best catch in town!

- MONICA: Thank you.

I can't believe it's finally my wedding day.

- I know.

- [phone chirping]

- I'm super excited to be becoming Mrs. Wild Bill!

[giggling]

- Gosh, I cannot believe that you actually going through

with this foolishness.

- Why are you being such a Debbie-downer

on Monica's special day?

Sounds like you hating, if you ask me.

- Yeah, well, nobody asked you.

Who the hell are you, anyway?

- I'm Wild Bill's assistant, Cerina.

And Monica's bridesmaid, thank you very much.

- Monica, are you serious right now?

You got this man's assistant as your bridesmaid?!

This is ridiculous, you don't even know this girl.

- She does know me, I planned all of this for her.

- Okay, enough, I need you to shut up

before I introduce your teeth to this here bottle,

'cause you're getting on my nerves!

- MONICA: What is wrong with you?!

- Me?! - Yes! Don't talk to--um...

- Cerina! - Cerina, yeah!

Don't talk to Cerina like that.

She has been a huge help to me these past two days,

unlike you, and you're supposed to be my best friend.

Look, just because you're unhappy in your marriage, Keri,

does not mean that I'm gonna be unhappy in mine.

- KERI: Wow. Monica. This has nothing to do

with my marriage.

Yes, I complain about my husband all the time,

he does stupid stuff and gets on my nerves, so what?

At the end of the day, he and I truly love each other.

Can you honestly say the same thing about you and wild Bill?

- Where's Joi anyway?

She's supposed to have my bouquet.

- [scoffs] You know what?

Let me go find her.

You just...stay right here.

With your new best friend, whose name you don't know.

It's Cerina, by the way.

- Cerina. - [giggling]

- Don't tell me not to talk to "Cerina" like that.

- [door opening]

- Girl, how much longer do we have to stall this wedding?

- You know how traffic is out here, I don't know!

They should be here soon.

- Okay, well, it's your turn now,

because your friend is not listening to me.

- JOI: Oh, so all of a sudden, she's my friend.

- Yes, she is your friend because I'm gonna disown her

if she goes through with this charade, she has lost her mind.

- JOI: You know it's your fault, right?

- KERI: My fault?! She was in there talking to me

like she crazy! - JOI AND KERI: [arguing]

- Ladies, ladies, excuse me, where's my daughter?

- Look, she's in the dressing room,

and something going on with Monica,

it's like ever since we took her to that comedy club,

she has been sprung out over Wild Bill,

it's the craziest thing.

- What happened that night?

- Eric. - Eric?

- Oh, look at you, you don't filled out.

- KERI: Focus, Joi, I need you to focus.

- Okay. - Uh, sorry, what'd you say?

I saw your lips moving, but I didn't hear nothing.

- Thank you, ladies. - Excuse me, ladies.

What happened at the club?

- Tell him-- - I didn't even focus. Look,

so we took her to a comedy club on her birthday,

we had some drinks-- - Mm-hmm.

- --and then it seems like all of a sudden at midnight,

it's like a switch went off.

She took one look at Wild Bill and the rest is history.

- Mm-hmm. - Midnight, dammit!

That's exactly when that spell kicked in.

Okay so that's why Monica thinks she's in love

with Wild Bill. - KERI AND JOI: What?

- Spells? - What are you talking about,

Mr. McCoy? - It's a long story.

But right now, we have to get Eric

close to Monica so he profess his love, gives her a kiss,

and that's the only way we can lift the spell.

- But how can we get Eric inside when Wild Bill

and his goon squad is in there.

He's not gonna let him walk up to his bride-to-be...

during the ceremony, and just let that happen.

- Don't worry, me and Joyce gonna distract the wild clown,

y'all just get my man to the dressing room.

- Okay, well, let's go this way 'cause Wild Bill is right here,

come on! - Okay, come on, come on.

- [door opening]

- You like-- you like the sequins?

- [unintelligible]

- What do I want?! - Hey, don't start nut'n,

don't gon' be nut'n, Pops. - Whoa, relax, take it easy.

Take it easy. Joyce and I have had a change of heart.

Okay? Now we're happy that you and Monica are gonna

jump the--jump the broom. - Really?

- For real. - Yes! We're so excited!

Give me a hug! - BILL: Oh--

- JOYCE: Yes, tighter!

- MIKE: Give me--give me some of that love.

Come on with the love, come on!

- [indistinct chatter]

- BILL: You hurtin' me, Pops. Pops! Pops!

- [slapping] - [indistinct chatter]

It hurts! - [bones crushing]

- Ah, it's so tight. - Welcome to the family!

- Eric? What are you doing here?

Joi, what's going on?

- I came to see you.

- Why? I'm getting married.

- Monica, just listen to what he has to say.

- Hey, it's not even supposed to be men in here.

- Girl, I done warned you, now mind your damn business.

- Look, Monica, you can't get married.

Do you even love this guy?

- Why is everyone so concerned about who I love?!

- Because I care! I love you, Monica.

I've loved you for as long as I can remember.

- Oh, hell to the no, I'm 'bout to let Wild Bill know

that some negro is trying to push up on his wife.

- KERI: Girl--

- Look, Eric, you need to go ahead and do what you gotta do

before Wild Bill and his boys come up in here.

- Joi, Eric, what the heck are you talking about?

Eric, how do you love me? We're just friends.

- Look, maybe it's been like that for you,

but it's always been more for me.

- It has? - Monica, look,

I know you've always thought of me as your brother.

And that's my fault, I should've told you

how I felt a long time ago, but I just...

I just always thought you might reject me.

Look, I remember in high school,

when a bunch of boys, they tried to beat up

on that nerdy kid, and you stepped in

and you had my back.

And that moment showed me that I would always have

somebody that's there for me.

Monica, you--your eyes, your smile, your laugh.

Everything about you sets my heart on fire.

And whether it's bullies or...stopping you

from making the worst decision of your life,

I wanna be there for you like you were there for me.

- You remember that, Eric?

- You're not that bad a person after all.

- BILL: Because I'm Wild Bill! - MIKE: You are.

And there's nothing wrong with being Wild Bill.

- Bill! Bill! Uh-uh, some fool done trying to push up

on your wife-to-be! - What?!

- Yeah. - Somebody trying to turn

this wedding into a funeral?! - Yeah.

- Fellas, come on!

- Uh--uh--uh, Bill? We didn't have that celebratory drink!

- Hey, stop. Stay right here. I got this.

- CERINA: [groans]

- [laughing]

Oh. Eric!

- Wait, no. No, no.

Did my daddy put you up to this?

- ERIC: No. - You didn't mean any of that

that you just said, did you? - ERIC: Monica.

- You just don't want me to be happy.

All of you guys, you're just jealous

because I finally found true love

and you don't want me to be happy!

- No, no, Monica, no. That's not true love.

Alright? What you're feeling for Wild Bill,

that is not true love!

But listen to me, I know this sounds crazy,

but you're under some spell because...

because of your father's bad karma.

- Spell? That does sound crazy!

You're just making all this up.

You know what? Just leave me alone!

- Relax. - Babe!

- Yeah, hey, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

what's this chomp doing here

trying to ruin my damn wedding?

Boy, you must've lost your mind up in here.

Looking like you paint houses and fix cars.

- Don't worry about him, baby, he's just an old friend

and he's leaving.

- I'm not leaving here without you.

Look, Monica, you don't love him

and you know that.

I'm trying to tell you this is all some spell

some voodoo woman put on your dad

because of how he treated her.

I'm not letting you walk out of my life again, not again.

Especially not with this... this loser.

- JOI: Hmm. - Who you calling loser, loser?

I'm Wild Bill, baby, the new black star of Hollywood,

the new king of comedy, black royalty.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you ain't nothing but a bar comic.

- --'s drunk, [unintelligible], don't play with me--

- Excuse me. Hey. He's absolutely right.

Okay? You are not in love with Buffalo Bill.

- What in the world-- - My name is Wild Bill. Damn!

Now, hold up, wait a minute.

You tricked me, Pops? Squad, get 'em!

- [indistinct arguing]

- ♪

- Boy you think you cop king trying to come in here

and take my woman?! Not today, player!

- [indistinct background arguing, grunting]

- Everybody, stop it! Now!

- [slap]

- You just ruined my freaking wedding!

- ERIC: Monica.

I don't understand, you told me this would work!

You told me if I professed my love to Monica

and I kissed her, the spell would be broken.

I don't understand, what did I do wrong?

- You didn't do anything wrong, son.

You did exactly what a man's supposed to do.

- Eric, I'm so proud of you.

I mean, you were so brave to tell Monica

exactly how you felt.

If she's not ready to receive it now,

she may be another time.

- I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Thank you, Mr. McCoy, Mrs. McCoy.

I'mma go now and just...

Just tell Monica I wish her the best.

- BILL: Yeah. Ha! Bet you didn't expect that,

did ya, old man! [laughs]

- I'm gonna whoop-- - JOYCE: No! Not now!

Not now, baby, not now. - I'm still on top, baby. Squad.

- Baby, look, it's okay, not now.

- MAN: We love you. - You love him?

- It's okay.

- [exhales] [crying]

I always liked that about you.

I would never talk to a man like you.

- I love you, Monica.

- [gasps] No. Eric.

- What was that? - Wow.

- Dad, Mama Joyce. - Oh! Baby girl is back.

- MONICA: Yes, I'm back.

Listen, I wanna say I'm sorry.

- No, you have nothing to be sorry about, I'm the one sorry,

I'm the one that should be apologizing,

I'm the one that caused all this mess.

- No, listen. I know, but if the curse never happened,

then maybe Eric would've never professed his love for me.

- Baby, you're right, but everything happens

for a reason, and now you're in love.

- I am, I really am. I'm--I'm really in love.

Aren't I?

- Yes! [laughing]

- Oh, my God. Girls, I am so sorry

for how I treated you.

- Girl, it is fine, we knew something had to be up,

ain't no way you about to marry that Wild Bill character.

- Hmm, speak for yourself.

I almost caught a case with that Cerina chick.

She almost kissed my champagne bottle.

- Stop it. - [chuckling]

- Oh, my gosh. Where's Eric?

- JOI: Oh, he left. - Yeah, baby.

- No, no, no, this cannot be happening.

- Okay, okay, get your stuff together...

- MIKE: Mm-hmm. - ...and go get your man.

- MIKE: Get your man.

- Listen, thank you. Mom.

- Go! - MIKE: Wow.

- She called me mom. - That was sweet, I saw that.

I heard that word. It was Mom. Yeah, Mom.

- [laughing]

- Hey, baby, hey, baby, yo.

We 'bout to get out of here, so give your prince charming

some sugar.

- Uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh, not today, boo-boo, okay?

I need to catch up to my real prince charming.

- What--what the hell--? - You know what?

I almost forgot.

- You--what the hell's going on--

- See if you can return this to the pawn shop,

since I won't be needing it anymore.

And, um...good luck on your tour.

- Are you serious right now?! After all I did for you?!

Put up with your crazy family and friends?!

- Oh, I'm-- - Eric!

- You okay? - Yeah.

- Running pretty slow for a runaway bride.

- You're so corny. - Yeah.

- Get to steppin', I don't need you!

Damn, can a pimp get some love?

- Oh, baby, it's okay. Cerina's here.

I know how to make it all better.

Why don't we get married?

- Hey, hey, pimp gotta keep going.

It's a wedding! Squad, to the chapel!

- [end of wedding march playing]

- Is it really you? - Yeah, it's really me.

- I guess that was a love tap you gave me back there.

- No, actually that was for you not telling me

how you felt about me all these years.

- Well. Better late than never, right?

- ♪ All I want is you

♪ This Christmas

♪ All I want is you this Christmas ♪

♪ I want

♪ You this Christmas time

♪ All I want is you this Christmas ♪

♪ All I want is you

♪ Want is you this Christmas

- Where is everybody?

Gee, what did I miss this time?

This damn traffic!

- ♪

♪ The holidays are here

♪ I see angels in the snow

♪ I see couples kissing 'neath the mistletoe ♪

♪ I hear it in the air

♪

♪ Sounds of silver sleigh bells ring ♪

♪ And the choir caroling the streets ♪

♪ This time of year is filled with cheer ♪

♪ At least that's what we're hoping for... ♪

- I don't play no sex games.

Girl told me one time she wanted to play animals.

I said, "What is animals?" She said, "Well, I'm a cat,"

she said, "Meow." I said, "Whoa."

I said, "Well, I'm a dog." [imitates barking]

So she turn around and she farted in my face.

Said, "What was that?" She said, "I'm a skunk."

I said, "Whoa!" So I get out the bed...

- CERINA: [laughing]

- [laughing]

- ♪ If there ain't nobody to love ♪

♪ We are all wasting our time ♪

♪ If there ain't nobody to love ♪

♪ I find it hard to believe

♪ That we once upon a time

♪ Didn't core our apples from the same tree ♪

♪ We are family

♪ So let's come together now

♪ Use our energy for love and laughter ♪

♪ My mama bakes an apple pie and fills the house ♪

♪ With the smells of sweet and cinnamon ♪

♪

♪ This time of year, let's bring some cheer ♪

♪ And live in unity again

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ These holidays don't mean a thing ♪

♪ If there ain't nobody to love ♪

♪ Why does love deserve the name ♪

♪ If there ain't nobody to love ♪

♪ Nobody to love

- [horn honking]

- Can't believe I'm gonna miss New Year's.

- ♪

♪ Baby

♪

♪ Baby

♪

♪ Baby

♪

♪ Baby

♪

♪ Baby

♪

♪ Baby

♪

♪ Baby

♪♪

- ♪

♪ I love everything about Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ What's there not to love about Christmas? ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ Let's all share the love around Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ I love everything about Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ Snowy weather - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ The get-togethers - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ A warm embrace - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ By the fireplace - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Singing Christmas songs - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ And Santa Claus - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Brings joy and cheer - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ It's my favorite time of year ♪

- ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ I love everything about Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ What's there not to love about Christmas? ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ Let's all share the love around Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ I love everything about Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ Giving presents - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Seeing smiling faces - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Snowball fights - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Staying up all night - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Family time, yeah, yeah - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Making angels in the snow ♪

- ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Getting cozy - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ Underneath the mistletoe - ♪ Yeah, I love it

- ♪ I love everything about Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ What's there not to love about Christmas? ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ Let's all share the love around Christmas ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ I love everything about Christmas ♪

♪ Oooh, ah, yeah - ♪ Oh, I love it!

- ♪ I mean, what's there not to love? ♪

♪ Children laughing, people smiling ♪

♪ Snow everywhere

♪ It's my favorite time of year ♪

♪ Come on, yeah

♪ That's right, Christmas

- ♪ Talkin' 'bout Christmas

- ♪ Wooh, yeah!

♪ I mean, the list could go on and on ♪

♪ Opening presents

♪ Candy canes

♪ Making snow angels

♪ Yeah, I love Christmas, uh-huh ♪

♪ Singing Christmas carols

♪ Ooh, grandma baking cookies

♪ Man, I sure do love that too, yeah ♪

♪ Have a merry Christmas - ♪ Have a merry Christmas

- ♪ That's what I want you to do ♪

- ♪ Have a merry Christmas - ♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Make sure you take some time, hey! ♪

♪ To love on somebody, yeah - ♪ Have a merry Christmas

- ♪ Good God almighty - ♪ Have a merry Christmas

- ♪ Whatever you do, whatever you do ♪

♪ Have a merry Christmas!