All language subtitles for Bob Hearts Abishola s02e06 A Tight Ass Is a Wonderful Thing.eng

Mm, thank you for the ride.

It's the best part of my day.

Me, too.

Me three.

So much better than the bus.

Who'd have thought
that when you so kindly

offered to drive me to work
last week,

it would become a regular thing?

Not me.

You know, you should really
think about getting

some water and mints back here.

It's not an Uber.

It certainly isn't.

So, what's new at the zoo?

The Detroit Zoo?[chuckles]

No, the hospital.

Then why'd you askabout the zoo?

Bob is playfully asking you
about work,

as if it is crazy, like the zoo.

Thank you.

It was very convoluted.

Got it.

How was your day?
Yes.

How is the job, Bob?
You see?

Simple, clear.

Well, my job is fine.

It's the other parts of my day
that get stressful.

Mm, stress can be a killer.

I wish it was
a silent killer.

You see, look. That vein
on the side of your neck

should not be throbbing
like that.

Bumpity, bumpity,
bumpity, bumpity.

I'll get it checked out.You better.

It's dangerous for a man
your size. Oh, look.

It's speeding up.
Bumpity, bumpity,

bumpity, bumpity,

bumpity, bumpity,bumpity...

["Ifanla" by Sola Akingbola
playing]

The catfish pepper soup wasparticularly good tonight.

Ah, don't tell
Auntie that, though.

Why not?

Because it suggests that
on other occasions

her soup was not
"particularly good."

How about "it's becomingone of my favorites"?

[imitating Auntie Olu]:
Oh, Bob,

why was it not
a favorite before?

[laughs] Uh...

"Auntie, the catfish pepper soup
was delicious, as always."

Always? Are you saying
I make it too much?

Well, what should I say, then?

You already said
the perfect thing.

You asked for seconds.

It's nice when it's
just you and me.

It is.

Like our morning
drives used to be.

So, the Kemi situation.
Are you two a package deal?

Package deal?

Yeah, you know,
buy one, get one free

of any sense of boundaries.

She's a good friend.She is.

I just notice that
your friendship's

a bit of a one-way street,
and I'm the chauffeur.

She can be a handful.

Oh, so you do know.

Kemi is Kemi.
Take her or leave her.

Wait, is leaving her an option?

No. She has been in my
life for many years,

and she has helped me
through some difficult times.

Did you enjoy dinner, Bob?Ah, yeah.

I couldn't eat another bite.

I see.

Oh, Bob.What? What did I say?

How can she hear that as
anything other than I loved it?

Don't worry, Bob,
since you are unable

to stomach another bite,

Olu will never make
that soup again.

All right, give me the pot.

I'll chug it
right in front of her.

Like cheap beer?

Don't worry,
she got your message.

Oh, Bob...
Oh...

Doctor, we've got a new
patient from Malaysia.

I'll prep the instruments.

Scalpel.

Just open the box.

Come on, we're having fun.

If you love what you do,

you never work a day
in your life.

Then you should not be paid
for that day.

Whoops-a-dandy.

That is not a men's large.

Let me see.

Oh, no, this is a box
of baby booties.

What an adorable
yet costly mistake.

Looks like some idiot ordered
the wrong sizes.

You are the idiot.

Yeah.

Is it the whole shipment?

So we're just done
having fun today, huh?

Abishola.

Mm-hmm.What are you doing here?

Having lunch.

But you said you could not
pick me up today.

I couldn't.Is something wrong?

Yes. You.

What?

Bob no longer wants you
in his car.

He finds you annoying.

Damn, you know, you could have
just made something up.

Why would I do that?

So Bob actually said
the word "annoying"?

Not the exact word.

Oh, so it is you
who finds me annoying.

No, I'm used to it.

Then what is the problem?

I believe your constant talking

gets to him, like a fly buzzing
around his head.

I talk because you cannot
keep up with our witty banter.

You tell him his jokes
are terrible.

That is part of the banter.

Maybe you misunderstood.

Maybe it is you he would
prefer to leave at the bus stop.

Kemi, listen to what
I am telling you.

I don't want to listen
because what you are saying

makes no sense!

Ladies, you're scaring
the white people.

Fine. Abishola, if you tell me
that Bob doesn't want me around,

I will accept it.

Bob does not want you around.

I cannot accept this!

There you are, cousin.

Yes, here I am.

Are you aware your break
was over eight minutes ago?

Are you aware that the devil
lives in all of us?

You know what,
take ten more minutes.

What's the point, Kofo?

Why live in a world
without consequences?

You ate a dozen yogurts.

There will be consequences.

Douglas made a mistake,
and I did nothing.

I deserve the sharp pains
of a grumbly tummy.

What could you have done?

Reported him.

Punished him.

But instead,

my integrity
was compromised

by Douglas's sad eyes
and silly voice.

I like his voice.

It's like he's old and young
at the same time.

I have let down myself,
my family,

and most importantly
you, Kofo.

You, who looks up to me
the most.

Stop this nonsense.

You are a good man

and a great leader.

And the workers think so, too.

They call me a
controlling tight ass.

Yes, and a tight ass is
a wonderful thing.

You think so?

Absolutely.

Where would this company be

without your tight ass

holding everything together?

In deep doo-doo?

In deep doo-doo.

But I messed up.

So you let one slip
through the cracks.

Accidents happen.

But your ass is still
the tightest I've ever seen.

Hey, guys.

Hello.
Hello.

What's with all
the empty yogurts?

Sorry.We will pick them up.

I'd say it's a tie.

Next.

Hey, Chuey, how's
it going, man?

Hello, Bob.Just picking up for Mom.

I'm afraid Dorothy Wheeler's
prescription

is not available.

You're out?No, Bob, you are out.

What?

I can no longer provide you
with the award-winning,

high-quality health
and pharmacy services

you have come to expect
at the CVS.

Is it 'cause of
the toilet paper?

I could buy it at the front.
I never know the protocol.

It varies with each pharmacist,
but that is not the point.

The point is,
you have besmirched the woman

who holds my heart.

Your mother?

The other woman.

I'm sorry, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Abishola told Kemi
what you said about her.

Oh...
And Kemi spent all night telling me.

Your name came up many times
during our lovemaking.

Come on, man, I don't
want to hear that.

Neither did I, Bob.

I'm afraid you're going to have
to take your business elsewhere.

The Warren Avenue
CVS branch.

I've called in
your mother's prescription.

Thanks.

I have two obligations.

One is to my love, Kemi.

The other is to the sacred
brotherhood of pharmacists.

Can I still...

No? Okay.

Did you get the prescription?

Oh, I got a lot more than that.

Somehow Kemi found out

that I find her annoying.

Because I told her.

Why?

Because you find her annoying.

You're not supposed to tellher.

Then why did you tell me?

I was venting to you
so I wouldn't

say something nasty to her.

Then how would she know that
you find her annoying?

She wouldn't!

Then she will just keep on
annoying you.

Yes.

Now you are annoying.

And I'd rather you'd
not told me that.

It is always best to
get things out in the open.

So you tell everyone every time
you have a problem with them?

Yes.You wonder why you
don't have many friends.

See? That's the kind of thing
I would usually keep to myself.

Are there other things
you keep to yourself?

What? A-Are there--
are there what?

Are there things about me
that you find annoying?

Look, it's no big deal.

No relationship is perfect.
Everybody has problems.

What are ours?

I don't want to
talk about 'em

because that makes 'em
bigger problems.

Just say what you have to say.No!

Why?
Because I don't want to fight!

What do you think
we're doing now?

That thing I don't want to do.

Douglas?

I must speak with you.

Oh, before I forget,

Kofo, do you have
the keys to the forklift?

Yes.
Can I have them?

Is it for work?

You got me.
[laughs]

Douglas, I have failed you.

Actually, it's probably better
he didn't give me the keys.

I have encouraged you
to run from your mistake

instead of embracing,

overcoming and learning from it.

Where are the
bad boxes?

Which bad boxes?

The bad baby bootie boxes.

[laughs]:
Oh, those.

Don't worry about it.
I dealt with it.

How?

Are you sure you want to know
how the hot dog is made?

Oh, no.
How is the hot dog made?

Before I show you
what I'm about to show you,

I need you both
to promise me something.

Crap.

Oluwa mi o.

Why is this hole even here?

You guys really got to stop
asking questions.

Did you really think
we wouldn't notice this?

Well, you didn't.

It is good that you showed us.

Let me tell you a story.

Is it a long story?
It's very dark in here.

Many years ago,
when I was teaching

in the economics department
at Akwa Ibom State University...

Wait, you were a professor?I was going to be,

but I found out my mentor was
having an affair with a student.

I told him
the lack of integrity

would weigh on his conscience.

I was fired the next day.

That sucks.

It did suck. A big one.

I lost my position,
my house,

but I kept the most
important thing: my integrity.

But you would
have been a professor.

Without the integrity.But same pay.

Yes.
And benefits.

But what would the benefits be
without the integrity?

KOFO:
Medical, vision,

probably some sort of

matching pension contribution...

It may seem foolish now,

but telling the truth
is never a mistake.

Oh, come on!

Another hole? Not cool, Douglas.

Abishola?

Hello, Kemi.

Why are you not
riding with Bob?

Was I right? Are you
the annoying one?

Maybe. I found out yesterday

that Bob thinks
we have problems.

What problems?He will not tell me.

Oh. The problem must be
so bad, it is unspeakable.

That is what I'm worried about.

How can I marry a man
if we cannot communicate?

Communication is the key.

I thought I had a great
relationship with Bob,

but then, out of nowhere, he
threw me out of his Cadillac

and onto the street.

We are talking about me and Bob.

Yes, we are.

If he could betray
someone as lovable as me,

what chance do you have?

Douglas,

do you have something
to say to your mother?

[sighs]

[quietly]:
I messed up.

What?

I messed up.

I hid hundreds
of misordered boxes from you.

Oh, Douglas.I know.

You had faith in me
and I let you down.

I wouldn't say "faith."

Right, well, these guys
had faith in me.

Really?

At the beginning, no.

At the end, no.

But in the middle, yes.

How bad is it?

All told, we can expect losses
of up to six figures

and delays that
could impact

our entire quarter.

I let you down, Mom. I'm sorry.

I'm proud of you
for facing the music.

If you don't
have integrity,

you don't have anything.

You see?

Of course he sees.

Now burn 'em.

What?

Tell the insurance company

we had an accidental fire

and we lost a lot
of inventory,

along with any records
associated with it.

But that's not true.

I was going to have the
insurance company pay for it,

but if the man
who supervises this idiot

wants to cover the loss,
so be it.

Perhaps the faulty
sorting machine

was also lost in the fire?

Now, that's management material.

You're right, Goodwin,
I do feel better.

Do not look at me.

Hello, Bob.

Kemi?
We need to talk.

Look, if this is about me
not driving you,

you got to understand...

This is not about you and I,
this is about you and Abishola.

If you want to save
your relationship,

you must let me inside.

Of course, come in.

Wait, you brought your laundry?

I brought my guidance.
And my laundry.

I think Abishola and
I are doing great.

Yes, well, you think wrong.

But I can help you
fix it.

As soon as I get
something to drink.

I'll get you some water.

You will get me some wine.

Mmm, this opens up
nicely. Very fruity.

Oh, I'm so glad you like it.

You know what would pair well
with this? Food.

Can we just get to the part
where you help me with Abishola?

Are you done
folding my intimates?

Fine.

Uh-uh, careful.

Don't get my panties in a bunch.

Rolled or folded?

Rolled, please.

Now, while you
are doing that,

where can I put
on my swimsuit?

I was told you
have a hot tub.

Okay, enough.

No more laundry,
no more wine,

and, no,
you cannot use my hot tub.

Finally.Finally?

Yes, you are no longer
being weak.

I was looking
for your backbone

and at last I have found it.

I'm not weak.
Really?

You let someone you barely know

drink your wine,
wash her unmentionables,

and then you rolled them
for her.

I was being polite.Stop that.

You are too afraid of
hurting people's feelings.

Be more Nigerian.

So I should be rude?

To you it is rude,
to us it is honesty.

We need to know the truth,
even when it's uncomfortable.

You can never allow Abishola
to wonder how you feel.

Well, that makes sense.

Of course it does.

You're welcome.

So, where can I change?

No, you cannot use my hot tub.

Well done, Bob.

Now shut up
and point me to the bathroom.

Oh, yeah.
Bumpity-bumpity-bumpity-bumpity.

Good morning.Good morning.

Listen, I have a problem,

and I want to tell you
what it is.

Good.I know I'm
not supposed

to beat around the bush,
so I'm not gonna do that.

I'm just gonna come right out
and say it.

When?

Right now.
We don't sleep together.

Yes, we do.

No, I mean, actually sleep.

Snoring, drooling,

the whole works.What are you talking about?

I don't want to pick you up
from your place in the morning.

I want to wake up next to you.

The best part of my day,

week, year, whatever,

would be opening my
eyes, looking over,

and seeing the woman
I love by my side.

That's very nice.

And I was direct about it.

Yes, you were.

And that was
your big problem with us?

Well, it's not a big problem,
but yeah.

So, you think you could spend
the night once in a while?

No.

Come on.It is inappropriate.

Your mother is in the room
next door.

I could stay at your place.

Absolutely not.

Well, on my birthday weekend,
I'm booking a hotel

whether you show up or not.[engine starts]

It's August 3rd, so put
it on your calendar.

Are you sure
it's okay if we use this?

Oh, yes.

Bob is a close friend

who I helped through
a very hard time.

What the hell?

Hello, Bob. I would stand up,

but Kemi said house rules
are men go commando.

That ain't my rule.

Good, Bob, express yourself.

Now, there are some cupcakes
in the fridge.

Can you bring them out, please?

No!

DOTTIE:
Hey!

You got room for one more?

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