Original subtitles

ripped by qwerzz

How do you write ''ass''?

Can I not do this?

No

My Mother is paying you

You must teach me something

How can you stop?

Master Dou

has been through 39 tutors

You're number 40

You're out of Iuck

I'II scream for heIp

Scream?

-Mai Song! -Yes!

Bring the gear!

Yes!

If you scream, you'II have to drink this

Go ahead!

Forget it then

It doesn't matter

The urine is for free

Give it to him!

Yes

Drink up...it's free!

Sister!

ReaIIy?

Yes, he's mischievous

Entrust me with your business

Don't give it to this brat

Let me see!

Don't be angry!

That's how he is

''AIert! Madam is coming!''

My Mom's coming

''She's in the Iiving room''

Living room?

CIean up!

Hurry!

Let me down!

Damn! We forgot about him!

Ouch! That hurts!

Watch what you say!

The study is a mess

You'II see for yourseIf!

''She's on your doorstep!''

Damn! She's here!

Come inside, hurry!

Finished your mahjong game, Mother?

Did you win?

Is everything aIright?

Everything is fine

Why did you cover your eye with the book?

I'm short sighted

This is how I read

What did you write today?

''Damn you! AsshoIe!''

This is outrageous!

What is it?

See for yourseIf

What did you write, son?

''Mother, I Iove you! You're beautifuI!''

Not bad!

You're aIways bad-mouthing him

You can forget about your aIIowance

No, Sister! Don't Iet him fooI you

This way, Master Chen

PIease!

This is Master Chen Hui-min

I want a coach

Not a tutor

You're mistaken, Master Dou

His pupiIs are quite amazing

They're famous fighters

Each of my three students has his own merit

They're smart and capabIe

This I have to see

PIease...

Master, here they are...

Yunnan Leg, Yun Piao-piao

This is superb martiaI arts

CaIIed spIitting the crotch

This is Human BaII, Tuan Tuan-zhuan

Look, he is roIIing in every which way

UntiI when?

This is the Drunken 18 Steps

ReaIIy?

8, 9, 10, 11...

14, 15...18

I bet he'II never do that again!

Which one of you wiII fight me?

Me!

I busted his ass!

Your turn!

He's a descendent of Ximen Chui-xue

He's Xicheng Xiu-shu

Get your weapon, Master Dou

Garbage!

You're famous now!

What do you say?

Give them 5 taeIs each

Yes, sir!

What about me?

How much shouId I give him?

Nothing!

Let's go!

Let's have some fun!

What did you arrange?

1, 2, 3,...8, 9

Get up, asshoIe!

WeII?

Are we finished?

I can't take it anymore!

One more round! Go!

I'II be dead!

You useIess bastard!

Here's your saIary

Mai Song, this is terribIe

No fun at aII

Master Dou

That's just the proIog

Wait tiII you see the main attraction

Remember BIinky?

He won't admit defeat

He wants to chaIIenge you again

BIinky?

He wants to fight me?

You were Iucky Iast time

I have experts with me today

I don't care who you have

I'm not afraid

I toId you not to copy me

Why are you stiII doing it?

Shut up! Let's get started

I'm just waiting for you

Some peopIe just can't wait to Iose!

Go!

Let me introduce you

Southern King, Luo Ba-hai

Northern King, Di Qing-feng

WeII?

Stop this nonsense!

16 rounds or 24?

Just 1 game

OnIy 1 game?

1 game wiII decide

If I Iose

I'II give you 100 taeIs of goId

If you Iose?

I'II give you 200 taeIs of goId

No, if you Iose

You'II streak in the market and run 3 Iaps

Streak?

Don't agree to it!

He wants to humiIiate you

I'm not afraid

I'II streak if I Iose

If you Iose, you'II eat these 4 tiIes

What?

Very weII

Someone has to pick it up

You have to pick it up!

Stop fighting! Throw the dice

3! I'II start!

Get your tiIes!

Hurry!

This is good!

Master BIinky!

Come over here...

Come...

Let me introduce you

They are the Xiao sisters

They're here to entertain us

Let's do that now

Forget the mahjong game

What's your hurry?

We're hot and sweaty

I'm soaked

Let us take a break

No probIem

There are cIothes behind the screen

Go change

Get out of those wet cIothes

Sure!

Go on!

White Dragon

Pong!

Red Dragon

Pong!

Watch out for the Green Dragon!

5 circIes

Your turn!

Discard a tiIe!

Hey...

Not that one!

Pong!

You'II pay for everyone if I win

Yes, you!

I dare you to cheat

What's with aII the birds today?

They're aII gone

Bird? There's no bird!

He's signaIing...

Your turn!

I'II win for sure...

Where's my 9 Character?

4, 8, 12! You're missing a tiIe

You're a tiIe short

Discard a tiIe!

You're missing a tiIe!

No way!

Discard a tiIe!

Your turn!

Hurry up!

How can you be a tiIe short?

You'II have to streak for sure!

Huan! Shui!

Gather up the viIIagers at the door

Someone is getting ready to streak!

You may not win either

Carry on!

You'II never win!

Hurry!

ProbabIy not this one!

7 circIes

He's hiding my tiIe under his chin

I'II Iure you with the Bird

I get the Bird

Are you discarding the tiIe?

You're dead!

Game!

You have an extra tiIe!

A Bird and a 9 Character

That's a faIse game!

FaIse game!

I'm in troubIe!

You won, Master Dou

He had a faIse game on your tiIe!

Get ready to swaIIow these!

No way!

Fix him!

Stop it!

Don't punch me!

No? We'II kick!

Master Dou...

Where are you going?

No vioIence!

Eat these!

Give them here!

Aren't they pretty!

ReaIIy?

SwaIIow!

Sir

He hit me!

Damn!

BIinky's father is a magistrate!

So?

Let's get out of here!

Hurry!

This way!

You wish to hire an assassin?

Yes!

Your name?

Shi Chun

You know my rate?

Yes, 100,000 taeIs

Who do you want me to kiII?

My nephew Dou

I've checked! You spend everything you make

How can you pay me?

When Dou is dead

I'II take over his famiIy business

I'II have aII the money I need

If he's aIive

You get nothing?

Yes

I'II kiII him

But I'II spIit your fortune

50 0

No? I can do it for free

For free?

I'II kiII you for free, not Dou

Very weII, we'II spIit 50

What's your name?

Chen Bai-qiang

No, you're Chen Bo-xiang

You're the head guard of the MiIitary Commander

That's right!

You have a keen eye!

You coming with me or am I to execute you on the spot?

Don't move! Step back!

I'II entertain him

I don't know him

Get up!

The government is watching me

I can't kiII Dou openIy

What can we do?

Lure him away from Guangdong

I'II send someone to kiII him on the way

Very weII! I'II do that

Throw him in the water

Yes

You want me in Beijing?

According to your uncIe

Princess Xiang is Iooking for a husband

If you marry her

You'II become a prince

As your mother

I'II be the Princess' mother-in-Iaw

That's so impressive!

Taking a wife is too much troubIe

If you stay singIe

You'II get into troubIe everyday

When you beat up BIinky's father

I spent 50,000 taeIs

to pay him off

A wife can keep an eye on you

Princess Xiang is a beauty

Yes, very pretty

Your uncIe has her portrait

Hurry up and show him!

See how pretty she is!

So pretty...

She Iooks a Iot Iike me

PIeasantIy pIump and charming

She'II give you chiIdren

Go after her in Beijing!

Beijing?

I'm not going

Come, Master Dou

Master Dou

It's not such a bad idea

What do you know? Beijing is boring

You're wrong

Beijing has aII sort of foreign contraptions

You're invincibIe in Guangdong

You're nobody in Beijing

UnIess you beat the 3 Masters of Beijing

Then it's a different story

Masters of Beijing?

Master of SwindIers, Che Zai

Master of Womanizers, Ren Zhen-hao

Master of BurgIars, 3 Hands

3 Hands?

If you beat them

You'II be number one

What about the Princess?

She's hosting a martiaI arts competition

Just teII your Mother you Iost

Fine! Let's go tomorrow

ExceIIent!

''Southern ViIIage Pier''

Rendao Tajirou!

You're crazy!

Rendao Tajirou!

You're inferior! Go away!

Sorry!

Rendao Tajirou!

Over here!

You're Taijirou?

That's me!

You shouId be Charming Tajirou

I'm the reaI Rendao Tajirou

Sure...

Get on board, Master Dou

It's so crowded!

Never mind that

It's more IiveIy that way

Taking the boat is boring

What have you arranged?

Everything, sexy, vioIent, thriIIing and funny

You won't be bored

ReaIIy?

This way!

Sexy!

Miss, you dropped your handkerchief

Pick it up for me

Sure...

Your handkerchief, Miss

Miss...

Hand it to me

Turn around...

Save this for yourseIf, Song

That bitch

To think she'd get me someone as ugIy as you!

Move aIong, witch!

As Iong as I get paid!

Where's my room?

I'II show you

Are you aIright?

I'm fine! Go away!

WeII? Not bad, right?

Not bad

This is our room

I'II get you something to eat

AIright

I'm over here

You're Iate, big guy

What's the matter?

What's your hurry? The boat hasn't set saiI yet

Where is he?

In the room

Master Dou is a good fighter

Can you take it?

Of course

ReaI muscIes!

He's a bit of a sadist

Sadist?

It's aIright

Kid

Just because you caught my darts

I'm not afraid of you! Come out!

Very weII

Who are you?

I'm the big guy

Then I'm...

Say no more

I know aII about you! Let's get started

Get started?

Don't waste my time

If you won't fight, I wiII

They caII him a good fighter?

Maybe he's a masochist

They say you're invincibIe

I say you're an idiot

This is easy money!

Someone jumped in again?

Song!

Coming!

What took you so Iong?

Hand it to me

Sure...

Why is his uncIe in the water?

And one more guy in bIack?

You're useIess

My man was arrested

I'II hoId you responsibIe

Why me?

I aIready tipped you off

but you faiIed to kiII him

I must do it myseIf

and kiII them both

4-Eyes

Brother!

Get ready!

We're going to Beijing tomorrow

to go after them

Yes

''Jingjin Yong Ding Pier''

Beijing peopIe are fastidious

and very styIish

We must speak their Ianguage

I don't know how

Easy, just roII your tongue

and mumbIe

I have to go poo-poo

You shouId say ''I have to shit''

Fine, shit!

Yes!

I'II go back to the boat!

Sure...

Watch out! No pIank!

Find some pIace quiet

Be on the Iookout

I wiII

Song, give me toiIet paper

Yes

I don't have any

Just money notes

That'II do! Hurry!

Here!

Come cIoser

It stinks! What did he eat?

Song must have done this

Who do you work for?

Whoever...

Song

This is the best arrangement so far

I shouId give you a raise

Give them 5 taeIs each

I had nothing to do with it

This is Beijing

It's different from Guangzhou

They have everything here

It's bustIing over there

Let's eat first

Damn! I have no money

Master Dou

This is the top restaurant De Long Liu

The decor is magnificent

and they have everything

2 idiots

Here we are, Master Dou!

Do you know how to order?

Don't worry!

We have eaten everything

PouItry, seafood, meat and other deIicacies

That's everything

What more can they offer?

Right! This way

Wipe your hands

-Tip! -Yes!

Thanks

For you

Thanks

There's a tabIe outside...

I want that one...

This way!

This is the VIP room

Sir?

Waiter!

What can I do for you?

-Song! -Yes

Serve us something expensive but not fiIIing

Paper money!

-Go -Yes!

Waiter!

Sir?

What wouId you Iike?

I have eaten everything

My stomach is bothering me

Give me a Beggar's Chicken

Beggar's Chicken

and a pot of Iongjing tea

Go on...

Right away!

We're in the wrong pIace

This is a beggars' room

ReaIIy?

No wonder the waiter downstairs

recommended buns that even dogs don't want

The guy next door Iooks aIright

But he's a beggar

He ordered beggar's chicken

You can't reaIIy teII

How much money do we have?

500 taeIs

Louder

About 500 taeIs

Can we give some away?

Yes

Say it

We can give some away

It's broken! Must be a fake!

I'II get it

That hat is nothing

The pearI is too smaII

It's not good enough for me

Don't pick up what I throw away!

Yes

Did I do the right thing?

Of course! I curse the one who picks it up!

Hurry!

Our Beijing duck, sir

I don't need any heIp

I'II do it myseIf

Hand me the knife

But...

Master!

How do you eat this?

With your hands

That guy is so cocky!

Hurry!

Your chicken, sir

Go away!

We'II sit here

Yes, Master

Move it!

Master!

I don't Iike sitting here

It's crowded. I want to sit over there

Very weII

Yes, sir

Master Lai

Such an honor to have you here

Our VIP room is fuII

How about upstairs?

What? We want a tabIe in there

TeII them to Ieave

I can't! They were here first

So?

Our Master is a VIP too

TeII them to go

They haven't paid up

Hand them the biII

They're done eating, teII them to get Iost!

TeII them to Ieave! Go on!

Master Lai

It's you!

That antique soId for 2,000 taeIs ...

Let's taIk inside!

Where's my commission?

I'II pay you

You came to eat

I have a tabIe inside, it's my treat

Let's see what you're up to

There are 2 hicks in there

They're capabIe of anything

They make eyes at women

Even the waitress

has been moIested by them

You must be carefuI

They'II never touch my woman

You shouId stiII be carefuI

Master...

Master Lai

Master

PIease sit down

Go out!

They have famous dishes...

Waiter!

Set the tabIe for 2 more

and get a few more dishes, hurry!

Yes, sir

HeIp yourseIf

AIright

You Iike it here

and here we are

It's such an honor

to treat you today

Why are you winking?

Don't hit on my girI!

There's something in my eyes...

Stop it!

How dare you beat up my man!

I don't care who you are

You're stupid for a rascaI

I'II fix anyone who hits on my girI

Don't be afraid, Iet's go outside

Stop it! PIease taIk things out...

You're friends with Master Lai

PIease ask them to stop

If they'II Iisten, they won't fight

What shouId I do?

AIert the authorities

What?

If someone gets kiIIed

You'II be in troubIe

Right away!

If you Iose to Master Dou

There'II be a reward

Reward my foot!

Master Dou!

Too heavy...

Don't Iet go!

Don't worry!

I have no quarreIs with you

I won't kiII you

PIease have mercy, paI

WiII you admit defeat?

Master...

Master Dou, you're incredibIe!

If you apoIogize

Master Dou wiII Iet you go

Hear me?

I'II do anything, just Iet me go

Move aside!

They're upstairs

How dare you make troubIe in the capitaI?

Arrest them

Let's go, Master

Don't worry!

I guarantee you'II be fine

Are you sure?

Let's go, Master Dou!

Step aside!

Stop!

Arrest them!

Take them away!

Wait!

Master Dou is a 2nd-grade officiaI from Guangdong

I don't care! Arrest him!

Show some respect

Wait!

Who are you?

I'm a member of the Eight Banners

Everyone in Beijing is a member

You shouId be arrested for starting a brawI

How dare you! Look!

Sorry, sir! I didn't know

PIease pardon me

I'II handIe this

You may go now

Yes, sir

What did he show them?

A mandarin jacket of the royaIty

ReaIIy?

Master Che, what about the damages?

Who shouId pay for it?

Whoever broke it wiII pay for it!

You must pay up!

Wait...

What is it?

What's your name?

Che Zai

You're the Master of SwindIers

I'm Dou

I want to buy yourjacket

It's not for saIe

No discord, no concord

PIease drop by my pIace

Sure

WeII?

The jacket is a gift from the Emperor

You're from an esteemed famiIy

Why take the back door?

There must be something Ieft

You'II know when you get inside

There's nothing out front

Everything is in the back

My Father

He was someone I respect

Stop kidding around

AII government officiaIs are corrupted

If your Father is cIean

Where did he get this house?

I'm warning you

If you say anything disrespectfuI about my Father

I'II go crazy, understand?

Stupid! CaIm down!

Understand?

Yes

Are you aIright?

Yes

This bed is a gift to my Father

from the French ambassador

Have you seen this before?

How soft!

Try it!

Very bouncy! SeII it to me!

You want the jacket?

Yes

You want the bed?

Yes

I have other things

I want them aII

Very weII

The U.S. ambassador

gave me this gramophone

Gramophone?

It's haunted

Don't be scared

That's the sound from the gramophone

You won't understand

I don't want that, it's no good

Let me show you something nice

Nice?

FoIIow me

This is a bIock of wood

What is it?

The British ambassador

gave this gun to my Father

A gun?

What's that smeII?

Gunpowder, stupid!

Lift your foot

What are you doing with my shoe?

Want to see what it can do?

-Yes! -Me too

That's incredibIe!

You can kiII any expert with it

Except I onIy have 2 buIIets

Now I have onIy 1 Ieft

That's such a shame

Don't worry, I'II take it

That'II be 24 taeIs

Not a penny Iess

No probIem

Pay up

Song, pay him

What about the jacket?

That's hard

Why? You don't want to seII it?

Not reaIIy

Why not?

But...

My famiIy Iost a fortune in gambIing

We Iost everything

What's anotherjacket?

That's true

Sit...

If I Iose

I'II give you the jacket

If I win

You give me 20,000 taeIs

DeaI!

What wiII it be?

Chinese dominoes

That's boring

Try something more cIassy

What?

Look

This is caIIed poker

Master Dou

What's that stack?

Get Iost!

I don't know how to pIay

It's easy, King is the father

Queen is the mother

Jack is the son

There are other cards, from 2 to 10

And an ace

What?

You have pairs

3 of a kind

4 of a kind

5 in a sequence is a ''straight''

5 in the same suit is a ''fIush''

They both beat 3 of a kind

Straight beats 2 pairs

Straight fIush is the winning hand, understand?

I'm very smart

Can you guess if I understand?

Do you?

No

Let's get started then

I'II deaI

2 of the same is a pair

3 of a kind

4 of a kind

I'II win for sure

Do you have 5 of a kind?

Yes, 4 pIus you

4 fathers and 1 mother

What a mother!

Straight fIush is the highest hand

AIternate fIush is No. 2

What's aIternate fIush?

What is it?

You don't know?

1,3,5,7,9 or 2,4,6,8,10

That's aIternate fIush

You Iost

Are you sure?

I'm sure you have to pay

Come on!

I don't Iike this

PIay something I know

I'm capping it at 40,000 taeIs

If you Iose

You must give me yourjacket

What wiII it be?

My speciaIty, of course! Women

Hurry...

Look at the queue!

When I get up there, I'II be too tired to fight

You don't have to if you don't want Princess Xiang

If I win

I'II get your 40,000 taeIs

That's how it'II be

Get in Iine...one by one, don't push!

SingIe fiIe...

What?

Yes

This way!

Excuse me!

You must Iine up to get in

Line up?

What's the big deaI? I'II get in Iine

The Iine is too Iong

Song, get up there

Hurry...

Yes

Hurry...

I'm from Guangdong

Can I cut in?

What are you saying? I'm from Guangdong too

What a coincidence!

Step aside!

What's taking so Iong?

Just because you're big

doesn't mean you can buIIy me

I'm Big Guy

I'm Giant

This is ridicuIous!

Don't be cocky

I wouIdn't dare caII myseIf big

Go to the end of the Iine

Where's Master Dou?

The Iine is shorter over there

Thanks

1,2,3,4

Hurry, Master Dou

We don't have to queue up

Hurry...

OnIy 3 more

Don't wait anymore, push...

What are you doing?

We want in

This is the Iine for ''chop chop''

20 taeIs?

Master Dou, just 20 taeIs

I'II pay 200

AIright

Get in, no need to queue up

''Eunuch recruitment''

It's done

Come in...

Thanks

What kind of competition is this?

They aim for the crotch?

It's your turn

AIright

What is he saying?

Who cares? I don't understand

Very weII!

Both of you together?

Come on...

What is it? You need a check up

I heard that

He said we need a check up

Check up? AIright!

Come here...

Raise your hands

What are they doing?

Check up, I guess

What a pain!

Everyone has second thoughts about this

It's too Iate now

Open the door

Are you deaf?

Chop chop...

Sir

I have a new invention

It's caIIed the Chopper

I puII this Iever

and chop chop

It'II be so much easier

Hurry up with your check up

Tie their feet up

Thanks

Supervisor

The guy died

Sign here

Another one?

How did he die?

From castration

What?

This is not a check up

They're trying to castrate us

Do something, you idiot!

Too Iate

You have to chop chop

How dare you!

Fix him!

HeIp, Master Dou

Run!

Come back!

Nothing?

Nothing!

Che Zai was quick

He moved everything

He conned us

and was afraid we'II come get him

The jacket

Master Dou is pampered

and too cocky

A trip to the castration room is your penaIty

You're scared out of your wits

ShouId you come back to get even

You'II be furious

The jacket shows my apoIogy

Hope you'II enjoy it

At Ieast he has a conscience

and Ieft you the jacket

Try it on...

Looks good

How do I Iook?

Great!

You Iook magnificent

When I go home

BIinky wiII be jeaIous

of how prestigious I am

Of course!

You won't get away!

Arrest them

Yes, sir

Arrest me? KneeI before my jacket!

You produced these fake jackets

That's high treason!

We have been watching you

This is a fake?

Don't pIay dumb!

They said Che Zai soId them the jacket

But you hang around with Che Zai

You must be his accompIice

Che Zai incriminated us

Let's go

Arrest them!

Thanks to his gun

Or eIse we'd be dead

That Che Zai pIayed us for fooIs

We're no match for him

Master Dou

Let's find the Master of Womanizers

Ren Zhen-hao

Yes

Do you think he knows Ren Zhen-hao?

Ask him

Buddy...

Hey, don't touch my baII

You seII baIIs?

If you are, I'II take them aII

Go away if you don't know the game

Get out!

What's there to know? They are Iike marbIes!

No big deaI!

What? MarbIes?

This is caIIed snooker, you see?

Looks Iike marbIes to me!

Show me

ExceIIent!

Even I, Ren Zhen-hao's hat is off to you

I've been Iooking for you, Ren Zhen-hao

Was I invoIved with your sister?

No, my name is Dou

I'm from Guangdong

I came here to chaIIenge you

I have taken on Che Zai

You want to chaIIenge me now?

Master Dou

Dou

At Ieast show me what you can do

Prove that you're worth my time

That's easy!

How about this one?

Song!

Try to take Iiberties with her

I'II drive you away

We'II use the ''damseI in distress'' trick

Why am I aIways the bad guy?

Miss? Are you aIone?

Let me buy you tea

Don't be shy!

I'm not a stranger

I'm a friend you haven't met

Say something

Are you feeIing aIright?

Be reasonabIe!

Miss!

Are you his accompIice?

HeIp me, Master Dou

Can I borrow this?

HeIp yourseIf

Thanks

Master Dou

Miss...

These 2 Iechers

raped my grandmother

and wounded me

I'm a righteous man

I won't Iet them harm you

They Ieft me behind

to die

Master Dou...

Don't worry

I'II take care of you

He's cheating

AsshoIe!

Bye!

He has one on us!

He is over there!

You pIayed us for fooIs

Take it easy, don't be angry

The trick you use

onIy works on country foIks

But it's no use here in the capitaI

You knew she can fight, why her?

That's the way to defeat the opponent!

If you won't admit defeat

We can have another go

Very weII!

That's a pretty dress!

You think it's pretty?

I envy you

for having such a pretty dress

My Father

brought this back for me

You don't mean this one?

Her father is the Russian ambassador

Her name is DeIonkotiva GaIaIenasIova

What?

DeIonkotiva GaIaIensIova

What a name!

Are you in?

Of course! What's the bet?

We'II try something harder

Whoever gets her in bed first wiII win

The stake is 2,000 taeIs of goId

You're on!

There's a baII at the embassy tonight

We must sneak inside

to go near her

She's Russian, do you speak Russian?

Russian is mere mumbIe jumbIe

I'm Chinese! Get Iost!

What now?

I have an idea

Is he your friend?

I don't know

Put it here!

The dummy Iooks reaI!

What are they for?

My present to the ambassador

For me? They're pretty!

Indeed! They Iook quite reaI!

This is fantastic

Thank you so much

Let's taIk over there

AsshoIe! He moIested me

Let me introduce you to my aunt

This is...

Mai Song

Mr. Mai Song

You're handsome, Mr. Mai

She's a speciaI guest

a friend of the Queen's

How kind of Mr. Mai

He sent me this IoveIy wax figure

You must heIp me Iook after him

Are you married, Mr. Mai?

It's hot, I'II take a bath

I'II join you

Naughty boy, come Iater

Bye

I'II be right back

This isn't very nice

Don't worry!

How embarrassing!

We're used to it

This wax figure is nice!

It Iooks so reaI!

With muscIes too!

Stop it! You shouId feeI me instead

But I want to feeI him!

Bitch!

How dare you hit me!

The worId is fuII of men Iike you

Jerks, asshoIes, bastards...

I'II kiII you...

Damn! I got beaten up for nothing!

Is the bath ready?

Yes

This is IoveIy! Who sent it?

I don't know

HeIp me undress

Where did this come from?

Who is it?

It's me!

DarIing!

I Iove you very very very much

You're Iying!

They say you're a womanizer

I Iove you

Let's get married

I have to think about this

If you won't

I'II die for you! See?

Poison, a gun and a knife

Tricks!

If you say no, I'II kiII myseIf

I don't beIieve you

Watch me!

Watch what?

WiII you stab yourseIf?

No, I'm shaving

Coward!

What coward?

I don't Iike bIood and gore

I'II drink this poison

You kiII yourseIf by drinking aIcohoI?

No, I'm cIeaning the gun with it

Then I'II shoot myseIf

WiII you marry me?

-No... -Don't mind me...

I'm shot! I'm dying!

The gun is not Ioaded

You Iiar...get out!

Get out! Now!

The wax figure is moving! Look!

Stop Iying! Get out!

No, he's reaIIy moving...

Get out! Now!

Master Dou

Where were you?

I was Iooking for you

ExceIIent!

Let's find a quiet pIace

OK?

Sure

I have to pee, go on...

OK, but hurry

Song!

Master Dou

I found you!

ExceIIent!

You did it?

Not yet

This is the uItimate invigorator

I forgot to give it to you

These foreigners are powerfuI in bed

Don't bring shame to the country

It's gone!

What now?

I'm stiII young, I don't need it

You figure something out

Hi, Mary! Tonight...

Hi

What's with him?

I don't know

Why is he Iike that?

Honey...

Broken...

Monster!

HeIp!

Daddy!

What happened?

He...Daddy!

You posed as the wax figure!

You're dead!

He watched whiIe I bathed

Lock him up!

Wait! Leave him aIone!

He's with me!

He's with me, Iet him go!

Why are you doing this?

No reason

You may be the ambassador, but I'm an aristocrat

I can have you dismissed if you disobey me

He's my darIing

Song, what happened?

She raped me!

What now?

DarIing, what shaII we do?

Arrest Ren Zhen-hao!

Yes, Iock him up

No!

We'II caII it even this time

What do you think, Master Dou?

I'II take you to 3 Hands

Fair enough

I'II ask that oId maid

She doesn't understand EngIish!

Let me ask her!

OId Iady

Don't caII me oId Iady

My name is Mary

Mary?

You don't know EngIish?

Ok, I'II speak Chinese

What do you want?

We're Iooking for 3 Hands

Can you fetch him for us?

My master!

You better go away

Or you'II be sorry

We're here to chaIIenge him

Go teII him now

You go find him

I don't want to get out haIf naked

Is he that incredibIe?

Go in!

No eye see

Why is it empty?

Are you Iooking for me?

Are you 3 Hands?

Did I steaI from you, kid?

This is Master Dou

He wants to chaIIenge you

He has taken on Che Zai and myseIf

The score is 1 Ioss and 1 tie

Now it's your turn!

Turn to chaIIenge me?

Sorry! Look!

Who tied you up?

Who eIse but myseIf

can tie me up?

Why?

So that I'II stop steaIing

Because I'm notorious

PeopIe are afraid of me

Here comes 3 Hands

Oh, 3 Hands! BiII pIease

Let's go!

What's the matter? Do I have rashes?

Why are they avoiding me?

Pork buns!

I'II take one!

Thanks

I must kick this habit

When I get itchy

I'II even steaI from myseIf

That's why there's nothing here

You won't take me on?

I don't want to steaI anymore

That's too bad!

I've taken them on

If you refuse

What shouId I do?

You better go

I reaIIy don't want to do it

Just this once?

What do you want me to steaI?

Where's my jade?

You mean this one?

It's in your bIood!

You won't change

AIright

Here's the deaI

SteaI this again in 3 days

Not 3 days

I'II get it before the cock crows tomorrow

We're staying at the Russian embassy

If you get it before the cock's crow

The jade is yours

If I faiI

I'II give you my house

and my maid Mary

You can take her as weII

No, you can keep her

Let's go

How much did you Iose?

We're too smart for that!

We didn't Iose anything

No? Look again!

Good evening!

Dou is in the Russian embassy

We'II get him tonight

Master!

Don't worry!

He knows the BeII defense

He'II know what to do!

Go on rounds!

Arrest anyone who's suspicious Iooking

and bring him to me

DarIing, Iet's go back to our room

No

But I want to

You go on

I'II check on Master Dou

Hurry!

AIright!

Why didn't you Iock the door?

Look!

There are so many!

There are over 50

And more over there

He'II never know which one is reaI

I put aII the guards on duty

Be on the aIert!

I wiII

It's a mirror

It's a mirror

How come I'm wearing gIasses?

BeII Defense?

Be carefuI!

Say the password when you come back!

Damn! I forgot

Abacadabra

Minimaniminimanimo

Open sesame!

Open sesame? AIright!

Be carefuI!

I wiII

Back aIready?

He must have forgotten something!

He has a terribIe memory

Ask for the password

Password?

Abacadabra

Manimin...

Wrong!

Wrong?

Minimini...

Wrong!

Manimani...

Wrong!

Manimini...

Wrong

Wrong again? Damn!

He's swearing!

It doesn't sound Iike Song

Must be 3 Hands

Save your breath, 3 Hands

We're not opening the door

We'II onIy do it for your mother!

Come out...

We spotted 3 Hands! Come out...

Where?

He's in the garden! After him...

3 Hands is under arrest

He stoIe our pants yesterday

We must give him a good fix

Where is 3 Hands?

Damn! It's a trap!

So many!

Who are you?

I'm here to kiII you

Come and heIp me!

Me?

Hurry!

AIright!

Good move!

That's what I do best!

Good move!

Here he comes again!

Open up!

I don't have time for you

Now we don't need your heIp!

Give us a hand!

Give me the jade first

If I'm dead

The jade is useIess!

What now?

Attack him from beIow

OK

Attack him from beIow

That's a heavy bIow!

I'm dead

I can't hoId you

Here he comes again!

Jade!

Stop it! There's pIenty

Without his gIasses

he's bIind as a bat

Catch!

Catch!

Over here!

Where's my gIasses?

What is it?

He tried to kiII me

Who are you?

4-Eyes

Just because you broke my gIasses

doesn't mean you can beat me

I practiced Iron Shirt for 10 years

BeII Defense for 20 years

and Virgin kung fu for 30 years

No weapon on earth can beat me

What? Nothing can beat you?

Thank goodness for this gun

I'II onIy practice shooting from now on

Don't go!

What about him?

Take him to the back room

Find out who sent him

Start taIking! Who hired you?

I have integrity and IoyaIty

I have ambition and bad breath

It stinks!

Bad breath?

ReaIIy? Let's see

You feet stink!

TaIk!

I'd rather die

A tough guy?

He won't taIk!

My darIing

taught me Russian rouIette

Let's pIay that

Using a gun?

It's empty

This gun carries 6 buIIets

I'II Ioad 1 buIIet

And we'II take turns and try our Iuck

He hit me

I want to add a buIIet

Sure!

I want another one

No probIem

Look at my bruises

I want one more

Me too

That makes 5 buIIets

Right!

WeII? I'II go first

I'm fine. You're next!

6 minus 1 is 5

I'm dead!

So be it!

Speak up!

Your uncIe hired my brother

3-Eyes to kiII you

My uncIe?

Now I remember

When we were ambushed at the pier

He was there!

I thought you arranged it

Of course not

But I dare not say anything

Can't beIieve he's so heartIess!

I'II ask my darIing to send in the troops

I have no business here. Bye!

Wait... what about our bet?

That's right

Time is up, you Iose!

Where is the jade?

Right here!

Master Dou, I think you Iost

Why?

Mary!

It was me

It was you?

The cock is stiII asIeep

Even I must admit defeat

No discord, no concord

We can become sworn brothers

Very weII, I'm the oIdest

We're the same age

That makes me...

The youngest

Wait!

First, we must arrest your uncIe

and 3-Eyes

Step aside...

Where are they now?

I don't know

Take him away!

That's not fair...

You must be 3-Eyes

Take him away!

Be good after you get married

The fat Iady wiII bear you a son

Stop kidding around

Master Dou

What?

Your bIasted uncIe is in jaiI

What are you thinking?

Nothing

You have the Fat Lady

and he came up empty-handed

That's why he's not happy

No wonder he Iooks dispirited

You didn't do any better

I'm aIready out of the competition

yet you stiII can't score

I don't want to marry a bIonde

and scare my poor mother to death

Why is he so narrow minded?

You know he can't take it

Why must you irritate him?

Song is so Iucky to have a wife

I have to go home empty-handed

I'II find someone tonight

Dou, I'II wait for you in the dungeon

I thought she didn't want me

but she's secretIy in Iove with me

Lena...

Dou...

Don't be mad, come out!

Look!

He has a rendezvous!

And you thought he faiIed!

Let's spy on him in the dungeon

Yes!

Sure!

Lena...

Maybe she'd be getting impatient!

She must be naked now!

Lena

This is not hers!

I don't understand

What don't you understand?

That's mine!

Who are you?

You sent peopIe after me!

You're 3-Eyes?

My uncIe is aIready in jaiI

You don't have to kiII me

I have my ruIes

I must compIete my mission

Nothing eIse matters

Look!

How sexy!

We definiteIy must take a Iook

I can't stand this

How incredibIe!

Hard to beIieve

She's so skinny yet so powerfuI!

It's Master Dou's first time!

No wonder he's screaming

Do you need heIp?

Yes, come in!

We're his friends, we must heIp

I'II have to force myseIf

Watch my Chinese kung fu

against a foreigner

What? Both of them can't handIe her?

No way!

HeIp! She's too much

HeIp!

It doesn't Iook right, go in and take a Iook

Master Dou...

HeIp!

Stop this thing!

Master Dou...

This is fun

HeIp me fight him!

I'm sorry, it's none of my business

Whose business is it then?

The chain!

I'II kiII you...

Smart move!

Don't worry, I'm here

Beat him!

Yes

WeII? Does it hurt?

WeII?

I can't see

We'II heIp you

OK

Ram him...kick...

Both fists... aII the way

I got you

You hit me on the smaII of the back!

Shut up, here he comes!

Left...right! I'II use my head

Here I come!

He's dead! Get off!

Why do I keep stepping on this baII?

I can't get up, heIp me!

Come on...

He's quite incredibIe

LuckiIy I have the armor

HeIp...

Lena, are you aIright?

I'm naked...hurry!

So heavy...

It doesn't Iook right!

Let's go inside

Not in this armor

I can't waIk

I'm not interested

HeIp me take it off

''Peace and Prosperity''

I'm making you wear Chinese attire

because I don't want to scare my Mother

When you see her

Just address her as 'Mother', understand?

Mother

Dou! My precious son!