Original subtitles

( owl hooting )

( gasping )

( gasping )

( thundering )

It's about time,

Where have you been?

I won't always be around to look out for you,

What would I do without you, boy?

You're everything to me,

( whimpering )

man: Yo, get all these Ioaded and then we'II,,,

we'II get the couch, all right?

You okay?

Being the new kid sucks,

I know,

It's tough being the new kid in town,

The music program needs my help,

Really?

Well, the superintendent asked me to come here

because they may want to close the school down,

If I can improve the music program,

then Lugosi Public School becomes a fine arts school,

Oh, I'II take those,

What can I say?

He's very careful about his drums,

Whoa,

Hey,

Honey,

We have neighbors,

Oh, hey,

That's really great, sweetheart,

but you have school in the morning,

Mom?

If I'm supposed to be the man of the house,

could we skip the ''sweetheart,'' ''honey,''

and all that stuff?

Okay, big guy,

I understand,

Get to bed, okay?

Sleep well, , , sweetheart,

Mom,

Drive in with me?

No, it's okay, I'II walk,

Don't want to be seen with the new teacher?

I just don't want to embarrass you,

Why would you embarrass me?

Well, you're the music teacher

and I can't play in front of people,

Every musician deals with stage fright, Ace,

You're only 1 2,

You'II figure it out,

Drive in with me,

( school bell ringing )

That's just great, Iate on the first day,

Can you see anyone in there?

- Hi, - Hi,

They lock the door after the first bell,

Thanks,

Sorry, we're new,

You don't have to be sorry for being new,

Hi, I'm Susan Cunningham,

The new music teacher,

I'm in your class,

- Skylar, - Hi, Skylar,

This is my son, Ace,

- Hi, - Hi,

I live on your street,

Cool,

We better get to class,

Yeah,

( playing poorly )

Okay, stop,

Well, that was just terrible,

What?

Oh, well, maybe your new teacher

can whip you into shape,

Class, this is Mrs, Cunningham,

Hi there,

Listen, Principal Hickman might have been exaggerating

when he said you were terrible,

I hear real potential in this class,

You're probably the only one,

Oh, by the way, this is my son, Ace,

You play an instrument, Ace?

Percussion,

Well, well, a drummer,

Why don't you show us your stuff, kid?

I don't think that's necessary,

It's all right,

Arbuckle, get off the drums,

Give this kid a shot, will you?

Check out the new guy,

Yeah, he came in late,

He seems pretty cool,

I assume you're being sarcastic?

His mom is the teacher,

What's wrong with that?

Nothing, it just means he's a total dork,

Okay, Ace,

Give us a simple four-four

and then take it wherever you want,

Okay,

Whoa!

( laughing )

Oh!

girl: That must have hurt,

( all laughing )

Epic fail, bro,

You started great,

Let's take it down a notch,

A few notches,

girl: Text me the link,

( playing poorly )

Oh, my God,

There's the baby,

Mommy loves you, baby boy,

Sky, are you with us or what?

Of course, I'm just reviewing for my science test,

Studying?

O-M-G,

L-O-L,

Studying is for geeks,

You're not a geek, are you, Sky?

No,

No, of course not,

( all laughing )

( children laughing )

Bright side is, you're a hit,

Look, over 30,OOO views,

My life is over,

No, it's not,

Just, , ,

Next time, try not to get so nervous,

You know you're a good drummer,

You can do this, Ace,

You just have to work up to it,

What's wrong?

Do you remember your Grandpa Sylvester?

Yeah, Dad's dad?

That's right,

He passed away, Ace,

Oh, gee, that's too bad, I never got to meet him,

I know,

He was a good man,

And he's sending you something,

You're grandpa's sending you a dog,

A dog?

His name is fang,

And, , ,

he's been around a long time, I guess,

( doorbell ringing )

He's sending me an old dog?

What am I supposed to do with an old dog?

Teach him new tricks,

A new town, new school,

Iast thing I need to do is take care of an old dog,

Hey!

Hello?

( dog growling )

Hello?

( dog growling )

( growling )

That's just great,

A cranky old dog,

Come here, boy,

We got some nice cold water for you,

He won't come out,

Hi, fang,

I'm Susan,

Welcome to your new home,

You are not going to believe my latest development

in antiaging technology,

Who are you talking to?

frank, get out of there,

I'm practicing for investors,

My newest product, Get Away Wrinkles,

guarantees a younger look with just one application,

My assistant frank's youthful appearance

has been ravaged by too much sun and hard living,

- Really? - No, that's--

I don't know if I want to do this,

Don't worry about it,

A little there,

It's very easily applied,

There we go,

Aren't you gonna say something?

Oh, um,,,

Wow, I feel younger already,

Oh!

Actually, it's, , , it's kind of burning,

- Oh, it's already working, - No, no, no, no, no,

Burning,

Of course it's working,

It burns!

It burns!

Ow!

- Ya-how! - Okay,

( sizzling )

Don't mix it with water, it's unstable,

Ahh!

( moaning )

Oh, can the crying, frank, and get over here,

( whimpering )

Well, well, well,

Check this out,

He had Ion_ fan_s

ftncl _I0win_ eyes and he ItJn_ed at I_e.

When t ttJI_ned aI_otJnd.

there was this dog,

Jelly was in the bowl,

Cherry jelly,

Huh,

So, , ,

the legends are true,

Oh, I need that dog,

I need the DNA of a vampire dog

to perfect my antiaging formula,

That's step one of my comeback plan,

You must get me the dog or else,,,

Or else what?

Sorry?

Well, you said ''or else,''

People always say that but they never finish the sentence,

Or else what?

It's an implied threat, frank,

Well, maybe if you were a little more specific

I'd be a little more motivated,

AII right,

Kilmore Cosmetics has ordered

2 million unites of Get Away Wrinkles,

If we don't make good on that order, we're--

How shall I put this?

Um,,, dead,

Dead-dead?

- Dead, - ( thundering )

- ( screeching ) - Oh!

( screaming )

I need a new sidekick,

Mom, is he just gonna sit there all night,

staring at me?

Are you just gonna sit there all night, fang?

He's got a lot of personality,

Well, this is all very unfamiliar to him,

Give him some time,

Mom, he's an old dog,

He doesn't have a lot of time,

Very funny,

Good night, Ace of Hearts,

Good night, fang,

I'II make you a deal,

I won't bother you if you won't bother me,

Wanna shake on it?

( farting )

Whatever,

( owl hooting )

( trash cans clanking )

Why are we here?

I have a surprise for you,

Oh, grow up, frank,

You know, surprises are for spoiled children,

I love surprises,

If you don't spit it out--

I found the vampire dog,

You finally did as you were asked?

Yes,

Where is he?

Well, the old man who used to own the vampire dog

is now deceased

and he has relatives who live in this house,

So what?

So what?

He sent them the vampire dog,

( gasping )

Are you sure?

Am I sure?

Well, not 1000/o sure, but then again, I mean,

whoever is 1 OOO/o sure?

- If you look at-- - God, shut up, frank,

Is the dog in the house or not?

I'm pretty sure,

But I need to think of a way in,

Here's an idea,

Break in, steal the dog and then we can leave,

Pardon me, Dr, Warhol,

I don't mean to be speaking out of turn here,,,

but don't you think that maybe a more

subtle approach might--

I will subtly approach your face with a frying pan

if you don't get me that dog!

Holy smokes!

Oh, then I can finally implement step two of my plan

in this town!

- Oh, what's step two? - Shh!

There is a local school that's going to close soon,

It's right around the corner,

In its place, I will build a facility

dedicated to preserving youth and beauty

for the world's rich, famous and elite,

It will be called

the Dr, Warhol Institute of Youth and Beauty,

That's catchy,

I'm gonna put Kilmore Cosmetics out of business

because we'II charge an arm and a leg for our services,

Literally?

No, not literally, you dunce,

No, no, no, no,,,

But all of this hinges on finding the vampire dog,

Okay, get me up,

( gasping )

That's him!

We got him!

( groaning )

Let's get out of here,

Oh,,, oh!

- I'm so sorry, - Idiot!

What am I supposed to do with fang

while I'm at school?

We'II put him in the backyard with the long leash

and plenty of water,

Come on, I'm gonna be late for school,

Man, you're strong,

( whining )

I'm sorry, I just have to go to school,

( school bell ringing )

Sorry, late again,

No worries,

I'm on hall monitor duty this week,

- I won't tell, - Really?

Cool, thanks,

No problem,

( playing poorly )

Ace, that was your cue,

Oh, sorry,

Don't worry, you'II get it next time,

Class, I see some real improvement here,

So, , ,

you finally gonna tell them how much they suck?

Mr, Hickman, that is not necessary,

I need your attention,

Lugosi Public School will be closed

by the end of this year,

Case closed, say no more,

That's not entirely true,

We do have a chance to save the school,

We're hosting a music competition ,

a battle of the bands,

If we win the battle of the bands,

we will be declared a charter schooI

and the school will stay open ,

You'II lose,

I want you to break off into groups,

form your own bands,

The aim here is to impress the school board

with our live playing and keep this school open,

Ace, , , wanna join our band?

Yeah,

Good one, Sky,

Dream on, Mama's boy,

( drums pounding )

Wow,

fang!

fang?

Do you want some water?

Do you want some food?

Is that what you need?

What do you need?

Uh, jelly?

What?

Do you have any red jelly?

What did you just say?

Uh, strawberry jelly would be fine,

Cherry, if you have cherry,

Really, any red jelly,

Uh, uh, pomegranate!

That's not easy to Iocate in these parts,

Pomegranate jelly--

Oh, great,

Okay, I guess I'II be taking care of this,

Let's hope for red jelly,

Come on, red jelly!

Looking for some cherry jelly now!

Smells pretty good here,

Yep, yep, that's got it,

Whoa, jackpot!

( burping )

AII right,

Let's get this kid upstairs,

Whoa, I just had the weirdest dream,

fang: Oh, oh, was it the one where everyone notices

that you don't have pants on?

I hate that one,

How did I get up here?

I dragged you,

What do you mean, you dragged me?

Like a giant sack of potatoes,

Okay, this is freaky,

How can you talk?

I exhale, move my mouth,

and, hey, presto, words come out,

You're lucky I'm talking to you at all,

Leaving me out in the sun all day,

Why didn't you just drink some water?

I already told you, I eat jelly,

J-E-L-L-Y,

Why?

That's what I said, ''Y,''

You must have really hit your head there, kid,

I'm losing my mind,

Oh, and I'm highly allergic to direct sunlight, okay?

So don't leave me out there again,

Susan: Ace, I'm home,

It's my mom,

She's home,

Don't talk in front of her, okay?

Yeah, don't worry, I don't want to have to carry her

up those stairs, too,

Uh,,,

Hey,

Ace, did you eat all the red jelly?

Mom, I'm taking fang for a walk,

Let's keep it in the shade, kid,

Iet's keep it in the shade,

So why are you allergic to sunlight?

Now, kid, I don't want to alarm you, but--

well, I'm actually-- I'm a vampire,

A vampire?

Yeah, but don't worry, I'm a friendly vampire dog,

You see, about 500 years ago, I was living in Transylvania

with six monkeys and a giraffe, , ,

, , , anyway, we settled out of court,

But the thing to remember is,

don't ever run out of red jelly or I am pooched,

Red jelly,

- Got it, - Okay,

But don't forget,

So why did Grandpa send you to me?

'Cause you were next in line,

Next in line for what?

To be my caretaker,

To watch over me,

In return, I protect you,

But I have to tell you,

I am not that easy to take care of sometimes,

So I'm your caretaker?

No, no, Justin Bieber is my caretaker,

from you, I need directions to his house,

Of course you're my caretaker,

( sighing )

Is he talking to a dog?

Looks like he's arguing with it,

What a freakazoid,

Psycho's more like it,

Earth to Sky,

Come on,

What's wrong?

I'm talking, , ,

to a dog,

Kid, you're hyperventilating,

Put your head between your knees,

Here, try breathing in that bag,

( breathing heavily )

Oh, dude, did you have to give me the poop bag?

Oh, my-- my bad,

What happened to your room?

Did you get robbed?

What's wrong with my room?

Well, it looks like a bomb went off in here,

followed by several smaller bombs

and then some Vikings had a party,

I guess you go sleep on the kitchen floor then,

No, no,

I got this,

Whoa,

What just happened?

I'm super fast,

As a matter of fact, it reminds me of a story,

Back in 1947, I think it was,

And that, my friend,

is why the chicken crossed the road,

Well, time to unpack,

Let's see here,

- ( cuckoo clock clucking ) - No, not in there,

( donkey braying )

I don't even remember putting that in here,

( farting )

Oops,

( cat screeching )

Oh, sorry, Pickles,

- ( chain saw revving ) - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Biscuits!

Ah, kid, need a little help here, eh?

What's this thing?

It's your grandfather's fetching stick,

Just don't-- don't touch it, put it back,

It's meant for fetching,

That's beneath me, I'm a vampire dog,

I don't-- I don't fetch things,

Just-- just put that back,

That's it, put it back,

And what's this?

That's it, kid,

That's my life story,

The tall tale, the whole shebang,

Big adventure,

It's all in there,

You'd think it'd be bigger,

What's this?

Oh, actually, that's pretty cool,

Check this out,

My custom-made collapsible coffin,

What do you need a coffin for?

Uh, hello?

Vampire dog?

You mean you sleep in that thing?

No, I useit aS a CanOR,

Ha-ha, very funny,

Look, it's a school night and I have to go to bed

and I'm seriously freaked out,

AII right, kid,

I'm a light sleeper, though, so no snoring,

( fang snoring )

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty,

( snoring )

Jelly, jelly, jelly, jelly, jelly,

Huh?

Okay, we're here,

Now get me that dog,

Can we use the walkie-talkies?

Oh,,,

I have exited the van,

Good,

I am now approaching the house,

Uh-huh,

These guys again?

It's party time,

( chuckling )

t aI_ htJn_I_y foI_ Chinese food.

I rrelevant,

I'm ascending the stairs,

I'm at the door,

Oh!

( chuckling )

It seems the doorbell is not working,

What?

You're supposed to be breaking in,

Who rings the doorbell at a break-in?

MoI_on!

You've made a wonderful point,

( clearing throat )

( farting )

( chuckling )

I'm in,

Oh!

( screaming )

( whimpering )

What happened?

I don't wanna talk about it,

( chuckling )

Oh, look out for the--

Oh, that's not good,

Oh, no,

Oh, oh,,,

Oh!

Oops,

I love those guys,

( coughing )

Wow!

Wow!

What a ride!

That was fun,

Looks like we're gonna need another van, though,

( giggling )

( imitating monkey screeching )

( fang ) Hey, kid,

Hey, kid,

Kid!

Oh, sorry, did I wake you?

I want you to smuggle me in and out of school today,

You want me to smuggle you in and out of school?

Is there an echo in here?

The kids at school already think I'm a freak,

This is not gonna help,

Well, we could do something about the way you dress,

What's wrong with the way I dress?

Well, you're a musician, right?

So you need to look the part,

I can rock this,

You know it, kid,

fang: Kid, why are we here so early?

'Cause I don't want anybody seeing me,

Not one of my finer moments,

I heard you playing yesterday

when I was fighting for my life under the back deck,

You're not half-bad,

Thanks,

You remind me of a guy--

Is that a dog?

Why are you here so early?

Battle of the band rehearsal,

Duh,

Unlike you, we don't ''feeb'' out

when we play in front of people,

So you're trying to save the school?

You bet,

That's nice of you guys,

Gag!

No,

We're not doing it to be nice,

We're doing it to get in the newspaper, get discovered,

get a record deal and blow this popcorn stand,

fang: ,,, a long story but it's--

Ace, Ace?

Ace, are you there?

( snoring )

Dr, Warhol, I presume,

There are two things in this world

I detest, Mr, Hickman,

Children and dogs,

Sorry, I,,,

Those belong to my ex-wife,

I always hated those pictures,

filthy animals,

So you've accepted my proposal?

I haven't made a decision yet,

( gasping )

Well, my mind's made up

and I fully support your proposal,

Splendid,

And if all goes well, you'II be working for me

at four times your current salary,

Now, I told you about our school's

precarious situation,

Yes,

How do you plan to deal with that situation?

As long as the board doesn't approve us

as a charter school,

you and I have nothing to worry about,

What's this battle of the bands?

Oh, the dying gasp of a music program,

It's no longer relevant,

This won't have any affect on our plans, will it?

I have a few tricks up my sleeve,

Your so-called tricks better work, Hickman,

This school, , , will close,

and if you let me down,

I will carve you up like a Thanksgiving turkey,

Uh,,,

fang: We gotta talk about this bag, kid,

It's a little cramped in here,

I've been in purses bigger than this,

You know, maybe a wheelie bag would be good for you,

Are you listening to a word I'm saying?

What's the matter with you, kid?

Look alive,

Easy for you to say,

Taking care of a vampire dog is hard,

Jeepers, kid, it's only been three weeks,

Just get in there, I'II see you at lunch,

Lunch,

Yes, yes, that reminds me,

Don't forget my jelly,

Don't forget,

It's very important,

Don't forget my jelly,

He's totally gonna forget my jelly,

Today we're doing lab work,

Everyone partner up,

Ace, you and Skylar, okay?

Bummer, Sky,

I heard you were early today,

Oh, yeah, I had some stuff to do,

So how do we do this?

Okay, step one,

Whoa, that was fast,

Well done, you two,

How did you do that?

Don't tell anyone, okay?

My friends don't like brainiacs,

Your friends don't like anyone,

I know, but this is the first time in my life

that I've ever, ever, ever had cool friends

and I don't want to blow it by being a science nerd,

It's okay,

Your secret is safe with me,

I heard you playing the drums the other night,

Really?

I live on your street,

I heard you playing,

You're really good,

- Stalk much? - No,

I'm kidding,

But please don't tell anyone,

Why not?

It's just--

Whenever I play in front of people, I always mess up,

You should have more confidence in yourself,

Look who's talking,

If you tell my secret, I'II tell yours,

( fang whistling )

Hello?

Uh-oh, , ,

Is somebody in there?

Uh, no,

( whistling )

( whistling continues )

( whistling continues )

( chuckling )

( school bell ringing )

Paradiddles,

They're a basic technique of drumming,

What-a-diddles?

I know they sound goofy, but they're important,

Is she seriously hanging with that freak?

After he totally put on that show in music class?

He's a total spazz,

Whatever he is, he's a total weirdo,

He shouldn't be infecting Sky

with his weirdness,

We need to put a stop to this situation,

- Oh, man! - Whoops,

Clumsy me,

Come on,

What--

Come with me,

Sorry I had to rescue you,

Are you okay, Sky?

Yeah, I'm fine,

Is Ace okay?

Whatevs,

Who cares about him?

Well, what if I do?

Yeah, right,

You're way too cool for that geek,

fang: Uh-oh,

Whoa, I need jelly,

Where's that kid?

I gotta get out of here,

Uh,,,

I must be getting weaker,

I can't even open this door,

I need jelly!

Sorry, kid, you've left me no choice,

Ahh!

It's jelly time,

I think we should do an R&B song

or something old school, like The Beatles,

Arbuckle and I were talking earlier

and we think we should do a rock song,

Earth to Sky!

Oh, uh, sorry,

Pay attention, okay?

We're gonna do a rock song for battle of the bands,

Okay,

Sounds good,

What's wrong with you?

Nothing,

( wind whistling )

What's that sound?

boy: Whoa!

Ah, jelly!

( all screaming )

Ha-ha-ha!

Ahh!

Whee!

What are you doing out?

Jelly attack,

Uh-oh,

Did anybody see you?

Uh, maybe a few people,

Come on, let's get you back to my locker,

And by the way, when I said a few,

you know I meant a few hundred, right?

- What? - ( school bell ringing )

Nothing, nothing,

Hey, slugger,

How's things?

Not so good, Uncle Barry,

Good to hear, good to hear,

Huh?

How's rehearsals?

Okay, I guess,

Not too good, right?

No, no,

I'm doing what you told me, Uncle, sir,,,

I'm not gonna get in any trouble for this, am I?

Not if you do what I tell you and keep your mouth shut,

Okay, okay, I will,

Good,

Keep it cool on the flip side, Clyde,

My name's not Clyde,

Look, I don't know what lingo you kids are using these days,

Keep the swizzle on the skizzle,

That's so lame, Uncle Barry,

Just get out of here, will you?

Hey!

Get, get, get, get,

( school bell ringing )

Ace!

Ace!

Ace, wait up,

Thanks a lot, you set me up real good,

I didn't set you up,

Come on, I'm not stupid,

Didn't you hear what happened?

This crazy dog tore apart the cafeteria

and Arbuckle got a lapful of milk shake,

( fang laughing )

What was that?

What was what?

What are you carrying in there?

Uh-oh,

Let me see, what was that?

Don't do it, kid,

Whoa!

Crackers and beans!

Is that a dog?

Did it just talk?

Come on,

Skylar, this is fang,

fang, Skylar,

How you doing, Skylar?

What's a pretty girl like you

doing in a place like this?

How did you do that?

A drummer and a ventriloquist,

You're an interesting guy, Ace,

Yeah,

You got a talking dog over here

and he's interesting,

That is seriously hilarious,

How do you do that?

Well, there's no sense trying to convince her, right?

After all, it's better for my cover

if she thinks this is all a big trick,

Good point,

What's going on here?

I can explain,

Do we really get to eat all this jelly?

No, but when the dog needs his jelly fix,

he'II have to come to us,

Hey, can we get some whipped cream, too?

No, I still need to get to two more stores,

I want every ounce of jelly in this town,

( chuckling )

So, , ,

how did you get to be a vampire dog?

Two words,

Bad luck,

About 500 years ago, one of Ace's ancestors led a rebellion

against a terrible king named Vlad the Impaler,

This guy Vlad was a vampire,

Ace's great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-

great-great-great- great-great-great grandfather,

Oh, wait, I think I said one too many ''greats,''

We get the point,

Anyhow, he led an army against Vlad,

Vlad tried to bite your ancestor, so I jumped in,

You jumped in?

What could I do?

The guy was my owner,

Long story short, I got bit,

but your ancestor took out Vlad,

He freed Transylvania from tyranny

and he destroyed the last vampire on earth,

He vowed that from that moment on,

his descendants would take care of me,

That's epic,

You're a hero,

Nah, kid, I'm a monster,

No, you're not,

Just once I'd like to be like a real dog,

Play in the sun, nap in the sun,

Poop in the sun,

m_ .

I'm sorry, fang,

Hey, it's not your fault,

Let's go to the park,

Oh, not the stick,

Kid, I told you not to bring that thing,

Don't throw it,

Now, don't you throw it, don't--

Ahh!

Okay, that wasn't so bad,

Okay, don't throw it again,

Don't-- no, come on, Ace!

Aw!

Aw, this is humiliating,

So why do you eat jelly?

You're a vampire, don't you drink blood?

Oh, gross, don't even say that word,

Yuck, I hate bloo,,,

Bloo, , ,

You know, the red stuff,

Well, before jelly was invented, what did you eat?

You know, deer antlers, horse hooves,

Of course,

Gelatin,

What?

Gelatin is a processed form of collagen,

Look, I don't speak Spanish,

Jelly contains gelatin,

The natural form of gelatin in animals is collagen,

so fang needs collagen in the same way

that a vampire needs hemoglobin,

Instead of blood, fang needs collagen,

Wow, you're really smart,

I have no clue what you're talking about,

Hey, that's you and your dad, huh, kid?

You know, you're a lot like he was at your age,

I'm really sorry he got sick, Ace,

It's okay,

He was a good dad,

Yeah, I bet he was,

He raised a good kid,

You're not a monster, you know,

You're a dog,

A good dog,

( knocking )

Good morning,

Good morning,

What's that?

It protects you from the sun,

Well, it fits,

It looks all right,

AII right?

I look fantastic,

Can you drool for me, fang?

for you, Skylar, anything,

What's that for?

I'II tell you at school,

So, what's up with the spit?

I have an idea,

I'm gonna try to get some lab time before rehearsal starts,

You need your lab partner for that?

This isn't homework,

- See you guys, - Bye,

So, how we gonna get you in school?

Don't worry about me,

You worry about asking that girl out on a date,

What are you talking about?

I've got super smell, kid,

and you smell like a guy who wants to ask that girl out,

Just ask her, you know you want to,

You coming with me?

No, I think I'II take this suit out for a test drive,

Just leave your locker open,

Okay, see you later,

This could be our chance,

Go,

( music playing in distance )

Cut it,

Can I help you?

No,

Then what do you want?

I don't know,

Your drummer, he just sounds, , , off,

No, I don't!

I sound great,

I told you,

Get it together,

At least I can play,

not like Mr, Critic over there,

Why don't you get out of here, Space Ace?

Take five, everyone,

Where's Sky?

I don't know,

( beeping )

( whistling )

Candygram !

( humming )

( chuckling )

( sniffing )

Ugh!

Smells like an old sock in here,

( unzipping )

Did you order that jelly?

I did, but they were out,

Even the grocery stores were out,

A jelly shortage?

What's next?

The apocalypse?

Aw, man, I can't have this clown tailing me all day,

You are a chicken,

( clucking )

Can we help you?

( clucking )

( clucking )

Now, that is enough!

( coughing )

Huh?

( wheezing )

( gasping )

What happened to you?

( coughing )

I don't want to talk about it,

What are you doing?

Why weren't you at rehearsal?

I was just doing some extra lab work,

O-M-G,

We got the morning off from class to get ready for

battle of the bands and you're-- you're, , ,

Nerding out in the science room,

What is wrong with you?

Do you want to go back to eating your lunch alone

in the library?

I took a chance on you, Sky,

Two years ago, you were a major dork,

but I saw something in you

and let you hang out with us,

It's okay,

Ditching us like that was a real slap in the face,

I'm sorry,

Don't be sorry,

What do you want?

I've come to talk to Skylar,

Her name is Sky and you'd know that

if you weren't such a dweeb,

The only dweebs I see here are you two,

Now, if you'II excuse me, I'm gonna talk to Skylar,

We're her friends,

Whatever you want to say to her,

you can say in front of us,

Okay, fine,

Skylar, would you like to go out with me sometime?

( laughing )

The answer is no,

I wasn't talking to you,

Skylar?

Well?

Uh,,,

I,,,

I don't think so, Ace,

Bye,

AII right, Sky,

I better see you in the auditorium in ten,

Don't you think we can take a day off?

A villain never rests,

- Yeah, what about a sidekick? - Shut up!

( gasping )

We've arrived,

( groaning )

Well, that's the last of it,

Well, I guess you better go get more then,

Ugh!

You know, you could lend a hand once in a while,

I'II pretend I didn't hear that,

Well,

This is gonna take a few hours to settle,

- You wanna get some pizza? - Nope,

I've whipped up this solution

that will gelatinize this right away,

( laughing maniacally )

- Come and get it, - Come and get it,

- Come and get it! - Come and get it,

- ( beatboxing ) - Ooh,

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

# Come and get it come and get it come and get it #

Whoo!

# Come and get it come and get it # #

Is there any jelly?

No jelly,

No jelly?

No jelly,

( thundering )

- No jelly, - No jelly?

No jelly!

Oh, this is bad, I need jelly,

I wish we could stop saying ''jelly,''

You need to find me some jelly,

( sniffing )

- What is it? - Jelly!

( all screaming )

Hey!

What was that?

- ( scampering ) - ( gasping )

- What was that? - I don't know,

But it doesn't sound good,

( gasping )

Get that dog,

- Hey! - ( growling )

Hey!

- Hey! - Hey!

That's my dog,

No, that's my dog,

- Who are you? - None of your business,

Now give me my dog,

He's mine,

He's going to the pound,

Wha, , ,

I need that dog,

Hey, frank,

Break's over,

Get in the van,

Yes, sir,

Uh, ma'am,

Doctor!

Please, mister, you can't take my dog to the pound,

He's not like other dogs,

Give me a break, kid,

Ace, what is fang doing here?

I know he's not supposed to be here,

it's just that fang--

- fang is a-- - fang is a what, Ace?

fang is a special dog,

Every kid thinks their pet is special,

but fang doesn't belong in school,

I just followed a trail of destruction,

I understand it was caused by that dog,

Principal Hickman, I am so sorry,

Would someone mind explaining

why a disgusting dog is in my school?

Wait!

Mom, you can't let them take fang to the pound,

- I'm sorry, sweetheart, - But, Mom!

Don't make it WOrSR,

Ace, come on,

Aren't you glad we got that Ioser out of your life, Sky?

Where are you going?

If you leave, you're no longer in our band,

You take one more step!

You turn that corner!

You're in,

You're lucky you didn't get expelled,

You're lucky I didn't get fired,

I have enough to worry about

with the big concert tonight,

I'm sorry,

Can we just go get fang from the pound now?

No, we can't,

I have too much to do, we can get him tomorrow,

He can't be alone, he needs me,

Ace, that's enough,

He's a dog, all right?

Now, you are not to leave this room,

What about the battle of the bands?

After what you pulled?

I can't show up with you,

Why not?

Because I'm an embarrassment?

Of course not,

But if tonight doesn't go well,

then I could be out of a job

and you could be out of a school,

That's it!

( harmonica playing )

Hey, Gus?

Gus?

Can you-- can you take five, please?

( man ) Sorry, fang,

- ( pebble clanking ) - ( cat screeching )

Skylar: Sorry, Pickles,

What are you doing here?

I called before, but your mom said you were grounded,

I think I found a way for fang to walk in the sun,

Go around the back so my mom doesn't see you,

I tested him for photodermatitis,

That's when you're allergic to sunlight,

AII fang needs is allergy medicine,

Are you sure?

It can't cure him of being a vampire,

but at least he can live like a normal dog,

I was in the lab all afternoon working on this,

What about your friends?

I can't be friends with people

who don't like me for who I am,

( dogs barking )

Hey, fellas?

fellas?

Trying to make a call over here,

( phone ringing )

woman : Opel_efol_. can t heIm yotJ?

Yeah, lady, I'm trying to reach my friend Ace

but I don't know the number,

Not a mI_obIeI_. whftt's the Iftst nfttRe?

Uh, hang on, Iet me think,

Something about pigs,

Smartpig,

No, that's not it,

No, Cleverswine,

No, no, wait, Cunningham!

t have one Iistin_ foI_ CtJnnin_haI_.

t'II connect yotJ.

( phone ringing )

Hello?

Susan, hey,

Yeah, I'm in a little bit of a pickle over here,

May I ask who's calling, please?

tt's fan_.

I'm stuck at the animal shelter,

You need to tell Ace to come get me,

Who is this?

It's fang,

Your new dog?

Yeah, sure it is,

You've got to be kidding me,

He can try the medicine when we pick him up tomorrow,

Thanks, Skylar,

And for what it's worth,

if you were to ask me out again,

I'd definitely say yes,

Somebody made a prank call pretending to be fang,

I'm heading to school,

Okay, sure,

( dialing )

( phone ringing )

fftn_: Uh. ftnitRftI sheIter smeakin_?

- fang? - Ace!

Ace. yotJ've _ot to I_esctJe I_e. kid!

It's fang, he's in trouble,

Ace?

Need a IittIe heIm heI_e.

Don't worry, fang, we'II get you out of there,

Just stay put,

Yeah, like I have a choice,

I used all my strength getting to the phone,

Let's go,

( dogs barking )

Keep it down, keep it down,

( chuckling )

Ah, these two just do not know when to quit,

Well, it's closed,

What do you mean, it's closed?

You wanna get some Chinese food?

No, what-- what is it with you and Chinese?

- I told you, I'm on the Atkins, - You are?

I've been meaning to tell you, you look great,

Oh, frank, give it up,

- Have you been lifting weights? - I'm cutting out the buns,

Cutting out the buns, that's how you do it,

Bread'II do it every time,

What are you doing?

- Use your lock thingy, - What?

- Come on, - Sorry, this is taking

a little bit longer to,,,

Ow!

God,

Here we go,

Uh,,,

Oh!

Did I ever mention how much I hate animals?

Nice doggie,

Nice doggie,

Heel, heel, , ,

There he is!

You don't scare me, little dog,

Your little vampire tricks won't work on me,

Tricks?

Well, then I guess I shouldn't try this,

Oh!

Meow, meow, meow!

( hissing )

Meow, meow, , ,

Ace, Skylar!

Hey, guys, Iet's get out of here,

My mind control only lasts for a few minutes,

( meowing )

Kids, the show's over, Iet's go,

( laughing )

Okay, let's go!

( howling )

( Dr, Warhol meowing )

What are you doing up there?

Meow, meow, meow, , ,

That stupid dog!

Ahh!

I'm a doctor!

Well, they're not clever enough to go home,

so where would they go?

Come on, Athia,

Think like a moronic 1 2-year-old,

Of course,

That ridiculous battle of the bands!

( laughing )

I'm coming for ya, puppy,

Get the van,

Athia?

( crowd applauding )

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

the Lincoln Middle School Jazz Ensemble,

( cheers and applause )

( playing together )

We should go backstage,

Come on!

Oh!

Sometimes I don't know why I even bother,

Wow, it's a pretty good turnout, huh?

AII right, it's time to find those kids,

And their little dog, too!

Ha-ha-ha!

What?

You sound like that old witch,

- Which old witch? - The Wicked Witch,

Oh, shut up,

Get down!

She didn't see us,

Gotcha!

Run!

Whoa!

( cheers and applause )

( all laughing )

Dolt!

( all laughing )

Thank you to the Lincoln Middle School Jazz Ensemble,

Now it's Kennedy Middle School's turn,

( snoring )

You guys go ahead, I'II catch up,

Ace, I think this is the point

where we call the police,

But fang said that--

Who's the caretaker, you or him?

Guys, I'm standing right here,

I can hear everything you're saying,

Good point,

Call 'em,

Well, well, well,

( chuckling )

I'm not gonna hurt you,

Just give me the dog,

Why don't you guys just leave us alone?

Look, I won't hurt you,

Just give me the dog

and you and you and your little girlfriend can go,

( groaning )

( crickets chirping )

Yeah!

Yeah!

Woo-hoo, whoo!

Yeah, all right!

( whistling )

Thank you to the representative from Kennedy Middle School,

And now a band from Lugosi Public SchooI

has something special for us tonight,

( cheers and applause )

Well?

Did you get him?

No,

I was thwarted by a herd of nerds!

You idiot,

( rock music playing )

Hold it, hold it!

Hold it!

( feedback blaring )

I'm sorry to admit that Lugosi Public School, , ,

is cheating,

This is a computerized drumming program,

That boy can't drum,

Your music program is a fraud,

They told me to cheat!

They told me to do whatever it takes to win!

That's not true and you know it,

man: I'm sorry, Lugosi Public School,

but we have to disqualify you from this competition,

pending investigation,

Ace, listen to what's happening,

No one told that boy to cheat, superintendent,

- We would never-- - Perhaps not,

I mean, so far this evening,

Lugosi's musicianship has been exemplary,

but the fact is,

the band in question is now unable to compete,

If they had another drummer, could they continue?

Well, I don't see why not,

fang: Well, this is your chance, kid,

This is your time to show everyone you got talent,

I can't help you from here,

This you have to do alone,

But, Ace, you're a talented musician,

Now get out there and share your talent

and believe in yourself,

I do,

I'II do it,

Ace, you're here?

Can I drum?

Be my guest,

You guys need a drummer?

You?

Yes, me,

Sky, could you tell this spazz

we don't need his terrible drumming?

Jenny?

What?

My name is Skylar, okay?

Now shut up and let Ace drum,

He's really good,

Okay,

AII right!

Woo-hoo!

( rhythmic clapping to music )

Aroo!

( cheers and applause )

( cheers and applause )

( man ) AII right!

( cheers and applause )

Woo-hoo, woo-hoo!

( cheers and applause )

Let's get out of here,

We'II grab him on their way out,

( gasping )

We had a complaint of a couple weirdos chasing some kids,

Hmm,

I don't have any idea what they're talking about,

What about you?

I, uh,,,

Oh, I just want this nightmare to be over,

Uh, , , we're the weirdos,

You traitor,

Shut up, you fake,

You're not even a real doctor,

How dare you?

Officer, I surrender,

What?

No!

You've got it all wrong,

AII right, let's go,

There's been some mistake,

You've got the wrong people!

This isn't part of my comeback!

We're parked illegally,

Ladies and gentlemen,

after careful consideration ,

we rule that Lugosi Public School, , ,

has displayed an excellence in music education

that should continue,

As the school board superintendent,

I rule that Lugosi be declared a charter schooI

for music education,

( cheers and applause )

Ace, I'm not happy about you sneaking out, okay?

Even if it was for fang,

Sorry,

But I'm also very, very proud of you

for drumming tonight

and your dad would have been proud, too,

Yeah,

No, I--

The dog is a vampire!

I need his DNA!

Sure, lady,

Don't you know who I am?

Yeah, you're a nut job, lady,

If I could just explain,,,

He planned the whole thing,

He threatened to kick me out of the schooI

if I didn't help him,

Oh, way to sell out your uncle,

Both of you be quiet now,

You're both in a lot of trouble,

Arbuckle, Mrs, Cunningham will take care of you,

Hickman, you're fired,

Don't look,

It's okay, fang,

You can trust me,

I'm not so sure, Skylar,

Ace, what's gonna happen to me?

Will you just trust her, fang?

Well, it's no jelly, but it's not bad,

Come on, boy,

Come on, fang,

If this doesn't work, I'm gonna fry, you know,

What are you, chicken?

Buk-bok!

Nobody calls me chicken,

Woo-hoo!

Yippee!

You did it, I can't believe it!

I'm in the sun, I'm in the sun!

I'm actually running in the sun!

This is fantastic!

Ah, it's good to be a vampire dog,

- Come on, fang! - Let's go, buddy!

Come on, let's go!

Come on, buddy!

- Who's a good boy? - Come on, fang!

- Let's go! - Let's go!

( playing together )

.t I'm e mouse .t

- You're planning-- - Okay, shut up,

- Why are we here? - Well, we're,,,

both: # Trying to get a vampire dog #

.\ Vt00 .\

man: The other way,

Kilmore Cosmetics has ordered 2 million units

of Wrinkle-- Not Wrinkle Be Gone,

Mm-mm,

Two million units of Get Away Wrinkles,

If we don't--

Get away--

man: Sorry, that's--

# I got a cousin who's a rat #

You're lucky, , ,

man: It's okay, start again,

What are you carrying in there?

Sorry,

.t ,,, cheese .t

# So can't you please,,, #

Hey, slugger,

How's things?

Not so good, Uncle, , , Barry,

How's things?

Not so good, Uncle, , , Barry,

Uh, not too good, Uncle,,, Barry,

Not so good, Uncle Hickman,

Good, good to hear,

man: Okay, sorry, Iet's go back to one--

- It's okay, it's okay, - man: Keep going,

# Au gratin #

I want every ounce of jelly in this town,

( laughing )

You know, tuna's on special,

Then we can leave,

# Oh Caravane #

# Oh Gorgonzola #

There's no thing on it,

# Cheese, cheese cheese, cheese #

Don't you think that maybe a more subtle approach--

I will subtly approach your face

with a frying pan if you don't get me that dog,

( laughing )

I'm sorry,

I'm so sorry,

Wait, where is it?

man: Oh, it's on the counter,

man: That's okay,

Look right up like that,

# Shake it down #

# Get back #

# Just like that # #

man: Action,

( whimpering )

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry,

( clucking )

Now that is enough!

( clucking )

I didn't break an egg,

AII right, Iet's talk about it,

It's Vietnam in there,

Where were you?

( men laughing )

The only dweebs here are you two,

Now if you'II excuse me,

Sorry,

man: AII right, start from walking into the door,

man: Sounds good,

man: Say it louder, Ray,

man: Okay, rolling,

Mmm,

AII right,

You look like Raggedy Ann,

2 million units of Getaway Gone,

If we don't make good on,,,

AII right,

( chuckling )

2 millions units of Get Away Wrinkles,

( chuckling )

man: Cut,

If we don't make good on that order,

WR arR, , ,

Ahh!

Ca, , ,

We gotta go back,

Cut, cut,

Don't look,

man: Cut,

Yeah,

- ( beatboxing ) - Dr, Warhol: Ooh!

# Come and get it #

( beatboxing )

# Come and get it #

- # Come and get it # - # Come and get it #

# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh #

# Come and get it come and get it #

# Come and get it come and get it #

# Come and get it #

# Ohh, ohh #

# Come and get it come and get it #

# Come and get it ooh, ooh # #

Oh!

- Cut, - Jeez,